Fat Penguins

NaNoWriMo

2007-10-16T15:09:00.000-07:00

That's write everyone... get it? WRITE? Instead of right... Okay, it's not funny, but anyway, I'm attempting to write a 50 thousand word novel, in one month because apparently that's cool now. So, all these people try and write ridiculously large books in a short period of time for who knows what reason, it's supposed to be a great achievement, but as far as I'm concerned, it's time taken away from more important things like sleeping, living, and repairing the couch. (Seriously, that's what I end up doing on the weekends.)

So continuing on, here's some website that a bunch of weirdo's sign up to in an insane attempt to help them with this unrealistic quest. www.nanowrimo.com
It does amaze me though, that some people actually have managed to hit the half-way point before the month is half over, and when I say that, I mean nothing past half the month matters if you haven't already finished half. In fact, it doesn't matter if you actually finish, because you won't. The whole second half of the month is pointless, no one actually has that long to spend writing, not to mention, most people run out of pencils by the seventh page and everyone who uses computers will either have died from lack of sun, or will have stopped paying the electric bill and will have no power. Not to mention these poor souls won't even notice when their screen turns black and will continue typing with no result.

Now you may be wondering why I would try and do something this ridiculous, but I have to. I'm physically being forced by my ego, in the form of a larger version of my head. After all, how could I spend all the month sewing the couch while Patrick rubs his novel in my face?

So, November will be very interesting for me, but not for you... your boring I'm sure...

Cavemen and Me

2007-10-03T20:51:00.000-07:00

Well, I've just finished Alchem 5, and I'm very pleased with it, it wasn't rushed, everything is clearer, and I think it makes were the character's are in the plot more obvious. Which is good, it would seem as if I'd been lacking in the "explaining myself" department. Also, there were considerably less spelling and grammar errors then usual, mostly and occasional RObert, or ALchem. And I actually took the time to make sure there weren't any inconsistencies. So, hopefully that will be online soon, keep an eye out for it!

But as you can see by the title, this post isn't about Alchem, or my grammar and spelling issues; it's about cavemen. Recently, the cavemen from the GEICO insurance ads, have gotten their own TV show. I've always thought the commercials were better then most, (except the Wendy's ads, classic!). But the new show was mostly commercials, and when they were actually doing the show, it wasn't funny.

I was seriously disappointed, if I wanted to watch cavemen argue about unimportant and fake issues, I'd watch crossfire. I want to see cavemen, well, making cavemen jokes. But all I got was "blah blah blah blah blah" in an unfunny cocoon filled with slimy jokes, and a producer who needs to get his alphabet straight. Even the show after it, (something about car pooling) was better, and that looked even worse in the ads. In fact, it was funnier, because there was a moment when I actually let out a... laugh. But, it didn't last.

So much for an extra hour of brain melting TV, I guess I'll have to eat my shoes or file some paperwork instead for something entertaining.

Alchem 5

2007-10-02T14:48:00.001-07:00

Well, I've finished Alchem 5, or at least my first draft, and so hopefully that will be online soon, after, of course, I make sure I didn't spell anything wrong. Anyway, hopefully this one will clear up some confusion, it takes a little more time to explain what's going on, and makes the plot very clear. Also, soon I will use the upcoming parts to work mostly on character development, while Alchem runs off and does pointless things for a while. As far as length, it's shorter than the fourth, but longer than the third. Hopefully it will turn out better.

Also, I've added three more rules to my rules for writing a fantasy book:

4. Your not C.S. Lewis, or Christopher Paolini, stop trying to be.

5. Your writing a book, not a movie, don't sit in your room with a plunger stick and underwear on your head pretending your fighting a dragon, it's not going to make your story any better.

6. Absolutely NO corny one-liners.

These three are very important rules, keep them dear to heart, otherwise your story will end up looking something like this:

And then Eragonslan was like WHOOSH! And hit stuff, and Boom! And darkness conquered the land.

That is NOT what you want your story to look like, at all! Seriously, read your story through, at least a day after you've written it, at three in the day time, and you'll realize how bad it is. That's the most insincere hour of the day, prepare for people to be reading you story at all times of the day. Don't muck it up.

Also, I've started on a web comic series, and am planning on having that start this month. Paddy set me up a really nice system that I can use to update the series whenever I want with relative ease, so hopefully this will be a little bit of inspiration to get me out of bed and make some stuff. HOWEVER, don't plan on it being funny, I'm not funny, don't kid yourself.

So keep an eye out for a new Alchem and comics.

Spring Cleaning

2007-09-29T22:03:00.000-07:00

Well, you may have noticed it's not spring, but that doesn't matter, for the time being, please try to focus on the "cleaning" part. So, I've decided that my blog is... a joke. It's a complete joke, but now that I've remembered how not to be a dead beat, I want to start blogging intelligent things.

So first off, I'd like to congratulate myself on completing yet, another Barg, and though the humor continues in a downwards spiral of nonsense jokes, at least I can say it's written. Aside from that, I've started on yet another series, this one though isn't focused on comedy, and is a little more, well, interesting. You can read it here: http://www.alternative-internet.com/serials.html#alchemthealchemist,

Unfortunately, it's a fantasy. I've always told myself never to write a fantasy, mostly because every person on the planet between the ages of 12 and 17 try, and fail, to write a fantasy novel. Also, I'm no good at it. But lucky me got some positive feedback, and so the series is going to be a little longer then I expected. This is why I like feedback, as you can see, it heavily affects my opinion, and makes me very happy.

Anyway, hopefully the fifth will be up soon, although the fourth was trashy. Which I figured was because I decided to try and go somewhere with it. This brings me to an interesting conclusion: Don't try and go anywhere with your story/thing. As soon as you attempt to accomplish a goal, you end up speeding through things that should take much longer, and end up butchering your story, and missing great opportunities.

So, I'll have to add that on to my list of rules for writing a fantasy novel.

1. Don't write a fantasy novel.

2. Let the story move on it's own, make no attempt to get anything done, as far as the storyline goes.

3. Your not Tolkien, stop trying to be.

The list obviously needs more, well, rules, but for now it'll do. Next time I come up with more rules, I'll update the list.

In other news, I'm working on a web-comic for Paddy-Cakes website: www.alternative-internet.com

I'll also start adding Fat Penguin comics for the blog, now that I've gotten used to the graphics tablet, or at least, I'm using that for an excuse for only ever putting up on. I'm not entirely sure what the comic is going to be about, but most likely, it will just be some characters doing funny thing, or at least, I'll try and make it funny, but I'll, probably come up with nothing and end up creative more junk for the garbage disposal.

So, hope you all are looking forward to comics, stories, and my mad attempt to be intelligent.

2007-06-09T12:40:00.000-07:00

New stories!

2007-05-18T05:50:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody, It's been forever, but that's ok, because no one reads me anyway.

Anywho... Pat says that. I've got a new Forest of no Return up, (on Pat's site), if you've never heard of it, you can read em' there, got to features, and I've got a new series Alchem the Alchemist, (on Pat's site) go to features. And two new Bargs (You guessed it) go to features! And you might want to think about clicking our ads...

Please.

So, that's all for now, but keep your eye out I've been catching up on season finales, with even a few series finales! Woohoo, so I'll be rating those for you enjoyment.

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's an update!

2006-12-04T11:36:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, you may have noticed I haven't update in a while. Well that's because I hate my blog, or at least I did until I (maybe Pat) decided it would be better for news and updates about what I'm working on right now. Which curiously all happens to be stuff for his site, but at least you'll have something to be excited about.

My blog will however remain to be Fat Penguins, regardless of it's having nothing to do with penguins, or excess body weight. But don't worry, I will continue to draw fat penguins and eventually set up a series of Penguin comics. So, for anyone and pretty much everyone who only came here because the penguins were cute, can still eagerly await more penguins.

Hey, I have a fun game, take a drink every time I say penguins. Well, maybe not, I don't think anyone would make it to the end of this post. Anyway, I'm working with flash on a cartoon currently called (I probably will change it) "The Ugly Balloon". It's basically a retelling of the Ugly Duckling with balloons instead of ducks, somewhat because I wish I was Big Idea, somewhat because it is a creative idea, but mostly because balloons are easy to draw. And considering I have no practice, something easy would be a good start.

So far it's only two minutes long, when it's done I'm guessing it will be around ten minutes. I probably will make it into parts, but if I do, they will all go up at the same time and not released as finished, because I will be going back and editing parts when it's finished.

Right now I've got basically a day in the life of the Ugly Balloon who's name is to be decided. He's pretty much got a lousy life, boring job, and no real job. And through some twist of events he ends up at the outskirts of balloon land were a war is going on and he meets Bootsack, who agrees to helphim get to the King of Balloon land who apparently grants wishes. And so basically it goes on from there, but not much is done right now.

In other news I've just finished a new Barg, Barg the Director. It's a Russian roulette Barg and its got everyone from the boards with more than fifteen posts. I will next time be toning it down to the top ten posters because this Barg had so many people (I had to write up twenty-five parts) that it took me three days to right. So, go post... Actually probably no one reads this and posts on our boards other than Pat and Grant.

So go to www.alternative-internet.com and read it, and soon the balloon thing will be up too. Okay, not for a while, but keep an eye out for it anyway.

Ebay Land

2006-08-30T08:26:00.000-07:00

Well Ebay has now banned textbooks and answer books from stores becuase they don't want students buying them.

This is what some people said.

"Where to they get off telling me I don't have the right to buy, sell, or own a teacher's manual???"

This is the dumbest thing I've heard all day. Let's think here, it's there website, they say what goes. Wether or not the rule is stupid, it's there site. And I can see why people may be angry, I'm homeschooled myself, but it's Ebay's site and they say what goes. That's like drug dealers complaining they can't sell pot. It's ludicrous.

Ebay says that the use of teacher's manual's are soley for teacher's and not permitted by Ebay. They are correct, they don't have the right to sell them.

Most of the things I heard are just sob stories. And though it is unfortunate that they have to find another way to get their books, there are many many other places to buy them. So basically everyones just wining.

Flash!

2006-08-24T09:04:00.000-07:00

My brother's finaly getting flash for his website, think of the possibilities! I'm so excited I might die! We'll probably be illistrating a lot of stories now, wich will hopefully boost are popularity, after all basically every other attempt failed. SOOOOO Exci... Ahhh!

Who wants to be a superhero?

2006-08-24T08:59:00.000-07:00

Sci-fi is running this new show called who wants to be a superhero, it's wierd... realy wierd...

They have all these people who want to be superheroes and put them through all these stupid tests. It's fun to watch though, and what's realy funny is that everyone takes it a little too seriously. My personal favorite is Feedback... Yes that's his superhero name. No that's not why I like him. Anyway, it's a realy funny show, and I suggest watching it.

I should tell you when they run it... I DON'T KNOW!

Still not drowned in feedback...

Still not... it's the same as always okay.

Jeff Kelly

2006-08-24T08:51:00.000-07:00

This guy is my new favorite person ever. Now I know a lot of people probably hate him, but that makes him all the more huggable. I was looking at the newspaper the other day, and they had an article about the war in the east, big surprise, but they also had a few people say what they thought.

This was actualy published in the Enquirer.

Nuke them all until they glow.

Not only way this funny, but it wasn't exactly what the people want to here, actualy, it's basicaly the opposite of what they wanted to here, so I'm sure he realy bugged a whole lot of people. That's power, if more people read me I could bug a whole lot of people! And what's more fun than bugging people?

Still Not M.C.

Still not drowned in feedback.

Still not bugging people.

Two new penguins!

2006-07-15T18:32:00.000-07:00

Last night I added two new penguins to my collection ther names are Widdle Mikey and Brad the awsome mountain boarding dude!

An electric eraser?

2006-07-14T16:03:00.000-07:00

Hey, nevrmind bad way to start a post.

Hy, I just got back from a week long stay at world famous "Maumee boy scout camp."
Whoa, it was da bomb. And this year I managed to fit a weeks worth of stuff inot my over-sized duffle bag.

It was hot though... realy hot... my swim towel became my sweat towel. And I almost died!
Well no, but anyway I took a total of 5 badges including baketry, wilderness survival, small boat sailing, camping and space exploration. And teaching basketry was poor Brandin, who me and like half the troop relentlessly drove out of his mind. He tought basketry and space ex. And then we had camping and wilderness survival with Zack... Zack was awsome... and messed up. We also did not hesitate to bug Zack. And for wilderness survival we had to build shelters out of sticks and leaves and stuff, and then sleep in them overnight. it was cold... And Zack and a bunch of other people tried to get high by smoking sasafras or whatever. They failed thank God.
And for small boat sailing we had Hunter... ya we bugged him too.

And we got all the shooting sports staff and most of the waterfront staff to wear star treck name tags. Are whole troop wore them too. It was totally. And they added a new thingy this year... mountain boarding. I did it... It was kinda... a... dinky. Ok it was lame. Waaaaaay lame.

And the food was still nasty... realy nasty...

And we did skits this year at the campfire... We were the funniest troop their. And HOBBO got to M.C. at the campfire... not fair... at all.

Well that about sums it up.

I just found out that they make electric erasers.

SWEAT.

Contest over.

2006-06-25T09:24:00.000-07:00

Nobody entered... Nobody even reads this... no one gives me feedback.

Maybe if I put in more intresting words people will read me.

Die.
Eat.
Crisco.

That's all I can think of.

Anyway, I might be gettung flash soon so there could be a series of Fat Penguin Cartoons.

That's it.

Outrage!!! And a contest!

2006-05-21T17:38:00.000-07:00

Absolute poop! Jacob S. was M.C. and I wasn't! How could Mr. Lohman do this to me...

REVENGE!

Anyway, I'm having a contest, who ever can guess what M.C. stands for gets a free fat penguin game and a wallpaper. I'll be editing this Post and adding more clues every whenever... just submit your answer as a comment on this post

Rules:

1. Emily and any other Alexanders can't enter!
2. Emily and any other Alexanders can't give any one else the answer!
3. Only three guesses will be alowed per person, if you guess more than three, I'll only accept the first three.

Hints:

1. Wheat
2. Pair's are able!
3. People Rats And Youngins!
4. I have a cane!

P.S. Yes this is just a sneaky way to get feedback...

STILL NOT M.C.

STILL NOT DROWNED IN FEEDBACK

STILL THE HOTTEST

STILL NOT FAMOUS

King Kong wasn't M.C.

2006-05-20T16:49:00.000-07:00

I just saw king kong the other day... it stunk. Their are a couple big flaws with the movie I would like to point out.

1. It was B rate...
2. Petie is just not artsy.
3. In the end the girl has nothing but a dress, in freezing weather and doesn't even shiver.
4. Andy would like off Petie's leash.
5. It had Jack Black.
6. It had the line "beauty killed the beast".

So it stunk... the natives and the bugs rocked though... I am glad I saw it though, I would rather have saw it than not see it...

STILL NOT M.C.

STILL HOTTEST

STILL NOT FAMOUS

STILL NOT DROWNED IN FEEDBACK

UERIKA! Still not M.C.!

2006-05-01T20:07:00.000-07:00

Hey, I just thought of a great idea. I'm going to train my salvitary glands to detect smoke. See all I have to do is, before I eat, smell smoke. Then my glands will be so used to eating when ever I smell smoke, that when ever my house ignites into flames, I'll have extra spit to drule it away!!! Maybe not the greatest idea ever, but still a good idea... sort of... And once again a week of no M.C.eness., and my my future sister-in-laws father thinks I'm to young to be M.C.! Wheat on outrage... Yes, I did say wheat on purposeseses... It will give you all a clue as to what the M.C. is! In other news drew a picture with oil pastels. I'll be showing it to him tommorow for artistic output...

STILL NOT M.C.

STILL NOT DROWNED IN FEEDBACK

STILL THE HOTTEST

STILL... um... hey did you guys sign up to my newsletter, cuase I just sent it out...

STILL SOMETHING ELSE TO

What I did this afternoon...

2006-04-25T17:03:00.000-07:00

Today was a very uninteresting day. I was walking up to the nearest general store when I stumbled upon a lonely squirrel, and it turned out to be a very tasty squirrel indeed. But only after I devoured the poor creature I realized that it was only a pathetic peasent in the form of a squirrel. So I started to turn into a wendiego. I finished my walk to the general store and to my dismay, the had no wendiego repelent. So now I'm a wendiego... by the way, you look very tasty.

I think I did it right.

2006-04-23T11:41:00.000-07:00

Dumb T.V.

2006-04-20T20:11:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, I just watched one of those crime shows they often run. I HATE THEM!!! I meen, their always cool in the biggining, but then they get bad, and you have to skip scenes, your missing plot. And when it's over you think 'that was bogus' not 'what a cool ending. I meen, I saw Murder on the Orient express the other day, and it was fifty times better and not at all bad or extremely violent. And at the end I thought 'what a great mystery!' not 'what a bust.'. So now I'm up here away from the stupid T.V., wich doesn't run anything good anymore... except spongebob... So I guess I'll be watching movies more from now on... we...

Dots!...........................................

Another thing that annoys me. They always play lousy music... I don't like rock very much anymore, and they play rap and hard rock wich are both even worse. And I also noticed that everything is so bad that the good guys aren't good. Stupid T.V..

Hi...

2006-04-19T11:20:00.000-07:00

I don't realy have anything to say. I just wanted to remind all of you to leave me lots of feedback and stuff. I actually thought about saying "all for now" but who would be that lazy. It only takes like four seconds to write "that's" and those people who are that lazy are going to get deseases from lack of finger usage. All for now!

Sign Up to my Newsletter

2006-04-18T15:00:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody, just wanted to alert everyone that I'm gunna be sending out my next newsletter pretty soon, so if you want to get it (or else), just go to www.alternative-internet.com and well, it's somewere around there. The internet is very confusing, although I think the link works well enough. You know once I actualy went on a quest that involved internet knolage, Hobbis saved my life that day. It all started on a sunny day when I stumbled about a giant rat layer. I was held prisoner their for 300 years. Then one day it was finally time to be eaten by the giant monster god thingy the worshiped. So they dragged me out to an arena, put me in a toga, and opened it's cage. Wich was kinda puzzling that they should worship it if they can control it. But anyway, I, umm, you know this reminds me, any other dude would put something like "used my magic gust!" or something dorky. NO! Not me, I get so frustrated when that happens I actually once got a brain disease of fury. I got sent to a hospitle and was operated on immediately. Afterwards I was put in a room a man I'll never forget. He talked to me for hours about science, math, and other stuff. That inspired me, so when I got out of the hospitle I started trying to find a way to increase gravitation in a specified area with a gun I called "a gun"
I was amid my studying when I discovered there was a rare substance that I needed to complete my weapon. So I walked outside to go to the store and buy some. And on the way I stumbled upon a giant rat layer... uh... um... Well anyway sign up to my newsletter. And yes I can see you through your computer screen. And no your pocket protector is not cool.

Updated Page

2006-04-18T13:04:00.000-07:00

I drew some stuff for my page... It's lookin pretty good. I'd keep going on with this but I've got other stuff to do. That's it... POST!!! I hate this thingy...

Ed, Elly, and all of those.

2006-04-16T08:10:00.000-07:00

So I was cruisin around the other day when I noticed the things that you add to the end of words like "tor" kinda make um seam so much cooler. So I was like digging into this when I found that there was actuall a religion for people who try and use things that that on a regular basis. I tried to join but they said "don't use them enoughilly." So with some more digging I found a second religion of people who think that doing that is evil, but I didn't want to join them becuase they were kind of kreepy. So I tried to start a religion of people who try to keep the illy's and stuff in balance. But then I found out that there already is one. So I ended up apllying for their religion, but there were way to many constrictions. So I once again tried to start a religion, but then a gorrila who didn't like my idea put my arm in a blender to try and slow down my progress. So I went to the Gorilla village to complain. I met the high cheaf and he told me that they already had an illy religion and that all other religions were evil. So I tried to join theirs butonce again I was denied, but this time it was becuase I wasn't an ape. So I tried to explain that then what would happen if you weren't an Ape and all other religions were evil. He didn't get it... at all. So I went back home disapointed. Oh well.

I will be the M.C. one day!

2006-04-16T07:17:00.000-07:00

Hey, finally made it through lennnnnnnnnnnnnt... And it has been a very long one indeed. So anyway, trying to figure out how to do this "blog" thingy... I'll have to ask Hobbis, he's knows all. Except maybe how to get myself to the M.C. position. Wich is doubly funny for me becuase you guys have no idea what I'm talking about. Buy the way I love feedback so please comment with all due speed so I know when I have too many readers so I can say something horribly politacly incorect to shu them away. I can't spell, or type... Any way this is me still wishing I was the M.C., I don't realy have much else to say right now but I'll probably be back later. I have no life by the way. But you know, at least I don't know how to use this becuase then I'd also be a nerd. Nerding out... I meen signing out.