sixty-six shenanigans

2009-01-18T15:36:00.001-05:00

In the words of Jim Morrison, this is the end.

things and stuffs

2009-01-12T18:11:00.007-05:00

I'm doing the pretentious study-in-the-grad-lounge thing at the moment. After being here just over an hour, I've already heard the same Death Cab song twice. I just hoovered a moderately tasteless burger and will soon dive into some Michael Gaudio and Martin Heidegger essays. Sigh.

If you don't pity me already, let me give you a short sample of what I'm currently "reading":

"What in the thing is thingly? What is the thing in itself? We shall not reach the thing in itself until our thinking has first reached the thing as a thing," (Heidegger 1975, from, you guessed it, "The Thing")

Yes, its all a bunch of wordy tripe about thingly things that are thing-ing all over the place. I signed up for the course thinking art is fun, not knowing I would soon be ambushed by a myriad of old-timer "artists" waxing philisophical about the nature of matter and human existence?

I pretty much want to shoot myself.

On the plus side, Tony has an art show coming up in February at a dimly lit hipster bar/restaurant on Main Street. Our apartment is thus exploding with creativity manifested in drippy urban landscapes. He only lets me watch him painting if I'm doing something productive (ie reading, or more preferably, practicing provocative yoga stretches).

hi monkey

2009-01-09T20:09:00.005-05:00

It's just me and the cat today.

I called in sick to a meeting I was supposed to attend this afternoon.
I am moderately hung over and feeling cold/stuffed up.

Last night we went to the Railway Club. A random band covered Paper Planes. Tony wrote "remember Sammy Jankis" on my hand. I launched a full pint of pale ale into my own lap by stepping on the base of our uneven table and the night was pretty much over.

death letter

2009-01-07T01:37:00.007-05:00

So my new favourite thing to do on the bus (other than forgetting to wear underwear and then leaving my brand new mittens under a seat dammit) is to listen to podcasts. I know, I'm lame (what is this, 2005?)—but they occupy my ears from the door of my house to the exact moment I enter the classroom.

It's beautiful timing, really.

Anyway, since I've already had my fill of CBC R3-30's this week, I decided to delve into Sook-Yin Lee's best of Definitely Not the Opera. It was lovely! On the way to UBC I heard all about the words "thank you" and how it seems to have lost all meaning and connection to actual gratitude.

(This was particularly entertaining as various people exiting the bus yelled "thank you!!!" at the bus driver and then I too uttered more meaningless thanks to the guy at the coursepack-selling place). (He probably thought my ironic smirk was weird and/or rude but I have to stop because these brackets are getting a little bit irrelevent).

So yeah, on my way home the topic was death. They interviewed one of the dudes from the Awkward Stage (who apparently worked as a crematory operator) and he sang a very compelling song about dandilions. Then that inevitable question sprung up in my mind: what would happen if this bus crashed and I died, like, right now?

Who would show up at my funeral? What kind of music would they play (or would somebody maybe choose to sing or play piano)? Would I have already said the right things to the right people? Who would take care of my cat? Would somebody end up raiding my hard drive just to figure out more about me, or would they leave my digital personality alone?

Come to think of it, which one of you crazy folks would tell my mom about my blog? (Sidenote: don't do it! EVER). Anyway, if you're ever stranded on a cold, uncomfortable bus, DNTO is a super amazing provider of tasty food for thought. The end.

spicy salmon sashimi

2009-01-04T17:38:00.009-05:00

Whose great idea was it to give me a camera anyway?

Apparently I'm one of those obnoxious people that takes pictures of brightly-coloured japanese food menus and posts it on their blog like it's the first time anyone in the universe ever thought of it. Tony pretended like he didn't know me, which was a difficult feat considering we shared a booth.

In my head I'm like big menu + colourful pictures = photo opportunity!

PS: Happy Birthday Mirit! Your present is an mp3 of Soco Amaretto Lime as performed by yours truly. Haha. It's not done yet :(

party songs / hangover songs

2009-01-02T14:49:00.006-05:00

PARTY SONGS

human highway............................................the sound
nada surf..........................................the blankest year
justice............................................tthhee ppaarrttyy
thunderheist...................................................jerk it
crystal castles.....................................courtship dating
champion..................................................no heaven
t.i. [remix feat. flo rida]..(haha).............whatever you like
m.i.a.................................................bucky done gun
chromeo.............................................fancy footwork
mstrkrft.................................................neon knights

HANGOVER SONGS

hey rosetta!.............i've been asleep for a long, long time
mgmt...............................................time to pretend
chad vangaalen.........................................willow tree
wintersleep..........................................weighty ghost
ben folds feat. regina spektor...............you don't know me
max vernon.............i kissed a girl (yes, a katy perry cover)
winter gloves...............................................factories
holy fuck.................................................lovely allen

live dreamblogging

2009-01-02T03:15:00.007-05:00

I don't care if you hate extended dream monologues; my first dream of 2009 turned out extra delusional so I'm especially compelled to share it with you.

First things first: this heinously rich family owns a construction company in London. They are known for living in a suburbanized castle and donating large sums of money to the university and/or any other cause that rings their doorbell. I'm exaggerating slightly but whatever I went to school with the kids.

(This is background information and wasn't explained during my dream, PS).

Anyway, my subconscious decided this family had a hidden step son locked away in their basement. The child was evidently born without legs, and exhibited a number of disabilities and/or illnesses. In my dream, my dad found out about this poor differently-abled individual and decided to rescue him.

My father successfully released the hostage and proceeded to adopt the unnamed person into our family. This was especially awkward because my dad and the guy seemed similar in age? They became best friends and watched bowling together. The end.

In other news, my flight back to Vancouver was despicably uncomfortable. I was seated in the aisle beside a couple and an infant that presumably belonged to them. Just seconds before take-off, their newly created offspring decided to puke all over itself. Predictably, it screamed and cried and smelled like human waste.

Between lengthy visits to the washroom, this child repeatedly grabbed at my hair and ears. Instead of asking me to step into the aisle to let him in and out of the seat, the father would reach over me while saying "oh sorry—just need to grab some wipes." BARF. The plane also made generous stops in Calgary and Kelowna just to add to my misery.

All this while nursing a particularly brutal hangover caused by 2008's last retro night at Call the Office. There were still Stobie's pizza stains on my jeans. Goodtimes.

what changed in 2008?

2009-01-01T19:16:00.004-05:00

I'm still a marijuana smoker, a whiskey drinker and a major procrastinator. I'm still a malnourished writer and a chronic Facebook/email checker. I still keep plane tickets and concert stubs in a white box beside my bed. And I've (yet again) let my guitar collect dust for months at a time. I also kept my hair short FOR 365 DAYS WTF?!

I still don't smoke cigarettes or watch cable television.

But, I did get accepted into grad school and (finally) moved out of my hometown. I completed and published more than 50 articles, two of which were in a daily newspaper reaching ~500,000 people. I graduated from Western, moved in with a boy, and drove across Canada. I visited a communist country and bought my first car.

My age also became a multiple of 11?

oh hai

2008-12-27T13:53:00.001-05:00

This year I decided to be super selfish and return the coat/make-up I received for Christmas and instead purchase a decent (read: working) camera. Best decision of life. Admittedly I haven't quite figured out how to use it but it's got 8 megapixels, 10x zoom and a big ass (3+ inch) screen. Lenses can attach.

It's one gift that will actually fit in my suitcase.

Also, A+ goes to the homemade shirt I got from Tony's sister.
Blackbird plus party hat equals win!

i need intervention

2008-12-24T11:50:00.006-05:00

I don't care how obvious and overdone this joke is:

I need an intervention but not because of drugs or alcohol it is because of the goddamn addictive A&E show. Yes, we're addicts. Specifically Tony and myself. We watched marathons of the stuff while I visited his family—and—I confess, last night at 2:30 AM we synched our Youtubes just so we could listen and comment on Alyson's crack-smoking song together.

If you'd like to sing along, it goes something like this:

yippie ayee ayoh smoke crack!
yippie ayee ayoh smoke crack!

Oh the joys of acting totally depraved on the holidays.

UPDATE: During a repeated synchronized Intervention viewing tonight we have discovered that CRISTY is the mother of all Intervention cases and that watching any new episodes will be totally pointless. Poor Cristy. She is just so entertaining.

2008-12-20T13:42:00.001-05:00

My dad is getting my mom a PS3 for Christmas?

the original gangster of retro nights

2008-12-15T22:13:00.006-05:00

Well it wasn't long after I wandered off the plane that I tucked into a plate of PA's poutine. They played Suicide Machines and Propagandhi and Millencolin which both excited and distrubed me. Disturbed mostly because I was totally ripped and (as always) paranoid that certain people can read my mind (or worse, my blog).

Next night was CTO's sweet sixteen party. They waived the $10 cover for us and our first round of jager was on the house (as was my follow-up rye and ginger). A decent band called C'mon was playing. Sexy lady bass player, etc. Then WIZZBANG blast from the past cool kids from highschool want to smoke a joint with me?

I'm thinking what? Why? I ate my lunch in the upstairs hallway! You were on the football team, remember? I'm still clumsy and tragically awkward. I see your greasy teen-stache looks more like a creepy pedo-stache these days and PS your bong cabinet does not impress me.

Anyway, after that whole adventure (which actually turned out to be rather pleasant) we closed up shop with the Stobies gang. I scored free pizza and played a weird ass monkey-flinging Megatouch game. Then we smoked more joints while watching classic Chappelle Show episodes.

Endtime: 6:30 am.
Money spent: $12.
It's good to be back.

don't tell your friends or i'll call you a slut

2008-12-13T03:52:00.004-05:00

Just so you know; friends' moms and jizz in my pants videos don't mix.

sleep all day...

2008-12-10T00:19:00.006-05:00

Feeling kind of pathetic today; maybe even a little premenstrual.

I have the apartment to myself. I am wearing an old ripped shirt and cut-off jean shorts since I have no plans to leave the house. It took me about 37 attempts to uncork the gigantic bottle of wine I'm currently sipping on and even my cat is ignoring me.

BUT IT'S OKAYYYYY!!! I'm confident the best thing to do is HIBERNATE whenever I run out of interesting things to say. Sleeping is awesome.

On Sunday I went to this amazing burlesque show at the Biltmore and won free booze for knowing Windsor is Canada's hottest city (temperature wise, anyway). I drank caesars and vodka tonics and fireball shots (messy combo) then danced my ass off on a speaker. Hah. Yesterday Tony and I waked and baked then put together a makeshift picnic we promptly devoured on the way to Stanley Park.

PS: london calling fridayyyy ;p ...?..!

super inuit

2008-12-04T17:36:00.003-05:00

Today a bunch of us j-school girls got together to swap CDs, drink wine and eat Christmas cookies/rice krispies/ketchup chips. My old-favourite contributions included M.I.A., Chromeo, Crystal Castles, the Unicorns, Nick Drake, Ted Leo, the Kills, the Flaming Lips and a well-rolled joint.

In return I got Chad Vangaalen, Hey Rosetta!, Ladyhawk, Bend Folds' new album (feat. Regina Spektor!), Neutral Milk Hotel, Winter Gloves, Champion, Holy Fuck and Two Hours Traffic. I happened to see a Two Hours Traffic/Hey Rosetta! show at the Biltmore, which prompted my interest at the album-swap. Quaint little bands from PEI and Newfoundland respectively.

In other news, I went to see this totally weird/amusing feminist exhibit at the Vancouver Art Gallery (aptly known as VAG). Picture close-up video of a 50-something woman masturbating vigorously. We got really stoned first at Marc Emery's campaign headquarters and ate some really cheap pizza (huge slice: $1.50) along the way. Afterward we met up with two drunk culinary arts girls (both named Jenn!) at the Backstage Lounge on Granville Island.

yay diversity!

2008-11-29T16:01:00.007-05:00

Two days of cultural sensitivity training resulted in three new ways to be different and/or discriminated against:

1. secret asian
Probably the most self explanatory:
"I don't care if you were born in Gwangyang your eyes are BLUE."

2. audible minority
Mirit knows what I'm talking about:
"Ah never goat ma check fae the broo, ah'm fuckin beelin, so ah um," etc.

3. preggo-canadian
They're EVERYWHERE in this city and I swear they travel in herds. I thought Kitslano was supposed to be young and hip not young and square with wide hips and baby bumps.

contempt of sorts

2008-11-25T22:19:00.002-05:00

Today I feel like there's a publication ban on my brain.

I can't seem to commit anything to memory. I see faces or read headlines between three and twelve times without knowing exactly what I'm looking at. I have been awake since 7:40 a.m. yesterday morning and we're playing Media Law Jeapordy in class. Both my socks are inside out.

What is qualified privilege, Dan.
I'll take defamation for $500.

doomsday advice

2008-11-24T21:23:00.003-05:00

Vancouver's not that different. I mean sure there's mountains and ocean, a whole bunch of Asian people and no Wal-Marts for miles but deep down it's just another Canadian city. Buildings, buses, parks and trees. Roads, dog-walkers, $5 pints and parking tickets.

The thing is I can't for the life of me understand who my friends are. I know who my friends should be. I know which of those are polite/boring/awkward. The guy who wanted to smoke crack Saturday night is probably not my friend, but the girls who regularly sing karaoke are probably fine?

Maybe the opposite is true. I don't know.

rad dogs

2008-11-15T22:57:00.003-05:00

I have like no time but before I go out to watch some people do European mail-order amphetamines I want to tell you about rad dogs. Rad dogs are an invention fueled by marijuana, boredom and running out of all other sustenance. It's Tony's fault I swear.

In fact I'll just list the ingredients and you can guess how it all fits together. Keep in mind this is what we have eaten for dinner on more than one occasion. Sigh, here goes:

1 (one) jalapino cheese wrap
2 (two) non-Maple Leaf brand hot dogs
melted cheddar
tomato slices
lettuce
spicy mayo
I think there was also salad dressing? I stopped watching after awhile.

I know I've made some monstrous student-food creations in my day but I think this one takes the cake. To be extra trashy you have to microwave the hot dogs. Extra points if they explode in some capacity.

2008-11-11T01:01:00.001-05:00

PS: This is why I heart CBC R3.

do doodle doo-do...?

2008-11-10T21:16:00.007-05:00

On Saturday I watched Seth Rogan and Elizabeth Banks make a porno.

It wasn't that hot.

I'd launch into a tirade about how Rogan's overhyped and Kevin Smith is getting too commercial and why the fuck is Jason Mewes' wiener flopping around again? But I will forgo all that frustration and anger and instead show you this:

I just bought an eighth and will likely spend the next 40 minutes watching old Nardwuar interviews. Highlights thus far: N.E.R.D., Flava Flav, Wayne Corn of the Flaming Lips, and Henry Rollins circa 1998.

quite bearable lightness of being

2008-11-02T18:12:00.003-05:00

I am a fucking superhero. I am rocketing through the air and making tall buildings explode with my mind. I am sunlight embodied. I'm chillin' on Mars for the afternoon just like Dr. Manhattan in the Watchmen. I just invented rock and roll.

In other words, I have a published article in tomorrow's newspaper.

PS: I was Samara Morgan of The Ring for Halloween. I have already destroyed all photographic evidence, so don't ask. Believe me; it was messy.

2008-10-31T01:02:00.000-04:00

Is it too late to tell you i puked in Ashton's pool?

i leave for 2 months and...

2008-10-26T03:43:00.003-04:00

They tore down the only bar in London that doesn't seem to mind when I bring my own mickey.

Other things I will miss about The Wick:

shitty metal shows
green room upstairs
band practices
walks home past the men's mission
dark and sketchy bathrooms

Maybe not that last point, but the rest I mean wholeheartedly.

PS: I came home to London and Prince Al's changed it's fries. Instead of the substantially sized fresh-cut fries with some skins left on, PAs now serves dinky McDonalds-esque shoestring fries. I am consequently outraged. The end.

addiction notice

2008-10-17T23:16:00.002-04:00

A serious lack of funds has inspired a renewed obsession with Value Village clothing.
$6 skirt, $4 house coat, etc.