The Head Pelican

Going Rogue, eh?

2009-11-19T16:57:00.004-06:00

Yes, Urban Dictionary has some recently added definitions for this term, but before Sarah Palin decided to "go rogue", there was this defintion: A male that allows a transexual man fuck him hard in the ass, yet still claims to be straight.

Thanks, someecards!!

Blame it on the swine flu

2009-08-23T20:42:00.001-05:00

Several Tulane football players have come down with swine flu like symptoms.

Let the jokes ensue.

Distractions

2009-08-22T21:36:00.005-05:00

Thanks, ALTL! I feel immediately energized just watching that video. Who knew Mandy Moore looked so good in a Laura Bush suit? She looks great!

I have rough 3 years ahead of me, but hopefully the pursuit of procrastination will give me more opportunities to blog!

And now I don't have that annoying job thing to get in the way of my Head Pelican time. Also - no more men for the next 3 years - no more distractions! I am now married to law school and the Head Pelican.

Give your vagina wings!

2009-08-21T13:45:00.003-05:00

I bought ALTR a case of this to celebrate her starting law school.

Red Bull Energy Douche with Mandy Moore from Mandy Moore

Buy me a drink!

2009-08-13T22:33:00.003-05:00

Depending on what circles you run in, you may or may not have heard about the free T Pain show on Tuesday night at the House of Blues.

After waiting in line for, oh, 1.5 hours, we finally made it into the gates of House of Blues, only to be a couple people late to get into the capacity filled HoB. While the security hassled the skanky and obnoxious feather-earringed girl and her crew, my roommate and I watched the show on the tv from the comfort of the bar. Not wanting to lose our prime seating, my roommate filled not one, but two cups with urine, the last one sprinkling slightly on my leg. In my tequila-drunk disbelief I start smacking his arm and yelling at him for pissing on me when the girl next to me realized that she got hit too - despite his protests that there must be a leak in the ceiling! At that moment, three people emerged from the over heated crowd, the new security guy looked right at me, and I grabbed Peaches from the clutches of the hysteric girl and we made it into the show.

All in all an eclectic crowd and actually a pretty good show. But get this - after the last song was played, the crowd pretty much RAN out of the HoB. No encore. I encouraged Peaches to get a set list, and when I turned around from bumming a cigarette off of a stranger, I see him with this plastered on his chest:

HE DIDN'T PLAY ON A MOTHERFUCKIN' BOAT! Thanks shitty New Orleans crowd!!

Sick.

2009-08-03T10:03:00.002-05:00

I tell my mother everything.

So when I was rehashing the events of past few weeks with a certain gentleman caller, I explained that we didn't go "all the way" because of some....errr, physical difficulties he had below the belt that I attributed to drinking.

Then she suggested that perhaps the problem wasn't excessive drinking, but that he was on high blood pressure medicine. "That's a pretty common side effect of those kinds of drugs," she said.

Later I thought about what she said. And then I remembered, my father has high blood pressure. Controlled well by medication.

Gross.

Where am I?

2009-06-23T14:24:00.003-05:00

While zoning out on the drive to work this morning, I suddenly became a little lost at the corner of Melpomene and St. Charles until I realized that St. Charles Tavern had simply received a face lift of sorts:

Don't worry, the fabulous print on the downtown side describing the awesomeness of the tavern is still in tact and faded as ever!

Fuck that Jaegermesiter bullshit

2009-04-08T13:59:00.002-05:00

The beer industry contributes $2.58 billion a year to the Louisiana economy, according to a study commissioned by national industry groups.

Just another reason that beer makes me fired up!!!

Well, and that the NOLA Brewery is right in my backyard. What a fun little shin dig last Thursday!!

Note to self: delete all Match.com emails from my Blackberry in the future

2009-03-31T22:45:00.005-05:00

Today a group of my coworkers suckered me in to a last-minute project which required a group of us to go to another downtown office building for about 15 minutes or so. Another coworker, Mike, was selected dropped us off. Mike somehow acts like he's superior to me socially, intellectually, and professionally (none of which are the case - case in point: he was chosen to drive; they begged me to go to this meeting).

When dropping us off we said "Okay Mike, just drive around to avoid the meter maids for a few minutes, and we'll call you when we're done."

Mike: "Dangit, I forgot my cell phone. Here ALTR, just let me borrow your phone and call your number from someone else's phone when you all get out."

I agreed and handed over my phone.

Flash forward 10 minutes, I'm in the middle of a serious moment of the meeting with our customer , and all of a sudden it hit me......OH HOLY CRAP!!! A few weeks ago, I signed up for the trial (FREE) portion of Match.com. And they bombard me with emails every day. And I get my emails....ON MY PHONE! And he was just dying to borrow MY phone - not the phones of any of the other 4 people in the car with us. That piece of sh*t!

I'm sure he went through my messages and emails. I probably would have if I'd been in his situation. In addition to emails from Match.com, Subject Line "He Winked At You!", Mike also probably enjoyed a series of desperate-girl booty call text messages from the blackout zone, a back-and-forth banter with a gay friend about drag queen wigs and poppers, and text messages to ALTL asking her to bring me a platter of cocktail sandwiches and a daiquiri at The Fly.

I guess if I had nothing to hide, I wouldn't have to worry about this. And, there's always a chance that he didn't go through my emails and won't spread their contents around the office. Yeah right!

Oh well, live and learn.

rain, rain, go away

2009-03-31T12:53:00.004-05:00

Tonight's Tulane/LSU game has been "rained out."

Deciding it's better to be safe than sorry, Tulane officials postponed tonight's baseball game against LSU because of the threat of severe thunderstorms around game time. - nola.com

Lame. We blame LSU.

Just another morning commute

2009-03-31T10:11:00.006-05:00

This morning while approaching the light at St. Charles at the bridge, I found myself distacted by what looked like an economy size spill of powdered scrambled eggs with a slight off-putting color to them. I always tell myself I will blog, so I try to snap a picture on my cell phone.

As I continue my forward movement, I realize something is missing.

Someone wiped out the light at Calliope and St. Charles. Again. The last time was the weekend of March 6, not even a month ago. I first noticed this on Saturday the 7th and by Tuesday the 10th the light was back in business. I was amazed because this was the fastest light replacement I have ever seen in the city of New Orleans. However, that intersection does have the potential to be extremely dangerous, you know, with the streetcar and all.

What will the turn around be this time? And who is the culprit twice in one month?!

BOOOOOO, REF!

2009-03-26T18:17:00.005-05:00

I love going to Hornets games. I hate having "things" to keep track of, such as a purse, jacket, etc. Therefore, my phone, ID, and cash all go in my pocket. This allows for few concerns such as purse snatching/forgetting and easier beer holding and impromptu clapping against the leg.

Anyhow, I always have this fear that I'm going to drop my money or phone when I go to the bathroom and drop trou. Last night during my third quarter bathroom trip, the inevitable happened - my program and cell phone fell out of my pocket.

Sitting there trying to do my business, I spy my phone in the stall to the left of me. Luckily, it was unoccupied. I slid my foot under the divider, stomped on my phone, and dragged it back into my stall. Finishing my business, I stood up, zipped up my shorts, flushed the toilet, and bent over to pick up my phone. As I did this I received a nice spray from the toilet right in my face.

Post-MG2K9

2009-03-01T10:13:00.004-06:00

I don't do New Years resolutions. There's too much king cake to eat, champagne to drink, and work to ignore between January 1 and Fat Tuesday. So, instead, I do post-Mardi Gras resolutions. And, obviously, mine is to blog more.

I've neglected keeping up to date with the goings-on in the NOLA blogosphere. But I'm still here.

So, here's my Mardi Gras de-briefing - I had one of the greatest carnival seasons I've had in a long time! ALTL had friends in town - we went to lots of parades, donned multiple costumes, and had a good time at the 8th Annual Not-So-Super Super Hero Party. I also had some friends in town - sharing my city with visitors always getting me fired up about Mardi Gras all over again!

So, to all of our friends out there in the NOLA blogosphere and beyond, we are back and we hope you're still reading.

Cynthia hyphens everywhere

2009-03-01T09:04:00.003-06:00

Today I saw a yard sign for Harry Lee's granddaughter, Cynthia Lee-Sheng, who's running for a JP Council seat.

Not to be confused with Cynthia Hedge-Morrell or Cynthia Willard-Lewis of New Orleans City Council fame. It's so hard to keep all these Cynthias with hyphenated last names straight!

I guess that's what happens when you want everyone to know both whose daughter you are and who you're married to!

Scary - model dies from a UTI

2009-01-26T22:04:00.002-06:00

This article is terrifying.

tonight's Politics with a Punch

2009-01-22T11:37:00.004-06:00

This evening's panel looks pretty interesting:

Austin Badon, State Representative, Candidate for Mayor

Jonathan Bell, Movie Actor and Veteran Comedian

Aaron Broussard, Jefferson Parish President

Alden Hagardorn, President, St. Henry’s Parish Council

Misty Jackson, Renowned Comedian and TV Star

Blaine Kern, Mr. Mardi Gras, New Orleans Ambassador

Pierre Thomas, New Orleans Saints Star Running Back

On our star studded show, we’ll cover everything from the inauguration of President Obama to the latest trials and tribulations of Dollar Bill Jefferson to Holy Cao, we have a new Congressman to Sen. David Vitter supporting the religious right and challenging Hillary Clinton, while hoping the voters forget about the D.C. Madam!

See you there!

ALTL, get out your credit card...

2009-01-21T19:15:00.009-06:00

The subject matter of this post is the type that my co-blogger ALTL usually handles, but here I go...

Looking for a perfect gift for the Obama lover? Like, something besides a t-shirt with "Change" written on it? Why not an Obama....dildo?!

Yep, here it is:

Also comes in GOLD! But I'd rather have the blue - I've always been an expert at blue-balling.

I'm it.

2009-01-21T10:49:00.000-06:00

After being on hiatus, I noticed that Latin Teacher at FEMA, Katrina, and other bad words tagged me in this meme that has been floating around the internet. So, uh, here it is.

Link to the person who tagged you.
Post the rules on your blog.
Write six random things about yourself.
Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
Let each person know they've been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

About me...

I cannot give blood.
I took a 24 hour bus ride to participate in the March for Women's Lives in April 2004, followed by a 24 hour bus ride back (I think a total of 10 hours were spent in DC).
I spent one summer as a Capitol Hill intern.
Muffalettas smell fantastic to me, but I cannot stand to eat them - I don't like olives.
Last St. Patrick's Day we put the keg in the pool because we thought it was cold enough.
I once bought a case of Absolut New Orleans for $21.99 at Dorignac's.

So there.

Who do I tag? Uhhh...how about my ho A Little to the Right, Daily Hops, Brad V at Letters in Bottles, heh, New Orleans Murder Blog, Drunk Athlete, and, uh...that's enough. I don't know enough "people" in the blogosphere.

Good luck, President Obama

2009-01-20T11:47:00.002-06:00

This conservative's thoughts on this historic inauguration day:

Mr. President, you are not what was desired, but you are no less dear to me. And your daughters are adorable.

It's not that I'm apathetic...

2009-01-20T10:11:00.002-06:00

...I just can't get excited about today's inauguration. The election of Senator Barack Obama to the presidency of the United States is definitely a ground-breaking one. I understand the feelings of hope people are filled with by his promises of change. I do.

The hype is just not for me. It hasn't been from day one.

A former roommate of mine from when I lived in DC had a facebook status that compared inauguration to "Mardi Gras for dorks." While I disagreed, I did conceed that DC for inauguration would be a bigger cluster fuck. That's for damn sure.

Best of luck to you, President Obama. Make us proud.

As an aside, my co-worker is watching live on her computer and giving me commentary...

CW: wow, you're not even allowed to ride your bike within 2 miles of the national mall.
ALTL: bikes take up too much space!
CW: its a security issue.
ALTL: everything is a security issue
CW: well, I guess the police get to ride their bikes because I just saw one.
ALTL: clearly they're not a security risk - they are there to keep the peace
CW: They just showed the New Orleans mayor in the crowd of ppl.
ALTL: now that is a security risk
CW: ha ha
but pretty impressive that they chose to show him. everyone else has been presidential ppl.
CW: shows you how hard it was to get in to this shindig. He was standing out in the crowd of ppl.
CW: oh, keep it together Hillary. She's looking a little emotional.

Here we go.

EDIT: Chris Matthews is "not crotchety about change." Wtf.

I'm not the only one...

2009-01-17T06:21:00.003-06:00

On Amazon....

Like Google, when you type in something you're looking for, Amazon automatically lists other searches people have previously done using the same words. Which makes me feel slightly less weird for ordering the following items after having come home at 5:30 AM this morning in time for some drunken online purchases:

- "sexy Jester costume"

- "Amy Winehouse wig"

Although I may regret these purchases when I look at my bank balance after sleeping off this inevitable hangover, at least I'll be ready for Mardi Gras with 2 great new costume options. And I'll still have some pride - because, thanks to Amazon's search suggestions, I know that there was someone else out there weird enough/drunk enough to search for the exact same things as me.

shenanigans

2008-11-29T18:35:00.003-06:00

State Rep Michael Jackson is probably best known these days for running as an independent in the 6th Congressional District and throwing off the voter distribution. It has long been suspected that shenanigans have been afoot within that race. Recently, the Daily Kingfish reports on a meeting between Jackson and his opponent Bill Cassidy. Vedy, vedy interesting.

As if Jackson wasn't sleazy enough, I had written previously about his affiliation both professionally and personally with Louisiana Citizens. At the time, the Jackson Bell law firm had lost many of the cases in which they represented Citizens to a firm in Lafeyette. Within the last month or two, many more cases were recently ganked from the Jackson Bell firm and handed to a local firm here in New Orleans. Word on the street has it that Jackson's partner Murphy Bell pitched a fit and played the race card, resulting in the cases being returned to the Jackson Bell firm.

To this day the Jackson Bell firm continues to do mid-grade work on these cases and remain unresponsive to other interested parties. It's sort of a mystery what happens over there (they don't even have a website, gasp!). There is no reason that they should still be hanging on to so many of these cases when other firms are clearing them left and right. Well, except for billing purposes. Oh. Wait.

Courtesy of DownWithTyranny!

Remembrance

2008-11-22T11:43:00.004-06:00

Last Saturday a man was shot in the 2800 block of Chippewa. It was about 8:20 PM. 12 shots were fired off. As the man lay there dead, his pit bull wouldn't leave his side.

Tonight his friends have pulled together to have a vigil at the corner of Sixth and Chippewa. From NOLADIY.ORG:

Brian Turd Vigil
Saturday, November 22. Pete's at 6th Street & Chippewa. 7:30PM. FREE.
There is going to be a candlelight vigil for Brian this Saturday starting at 7:30 pm on the corner of 6th and Chippewa. This is the corner where he got shot. Bring lots of candles and anything else you can think of -- signs, flowers, etc. We are trying to get the message across to whatever (i can't even think of a word bad enough to put here) killed him that people do care about Brian, and we're going to make a big deal out of it. He's not some random guy nobody gives a shit about. We will demand attention for his death from the neighborhood, from the police, and from the media. Who did this to him probably lives RIGHT THERE!. We want them to see us and be nervous and we want their friends to see us and be nervous and turn these murderers in to the police so they can FRY!

I am really sorry for the loss of your friend, honestly. Losing a loved one hurts. However, this doesn't sound like a vigil to me. Rather than engaging in a peaceful remembrance, this group of people wants to come into this neighborhood and try to make people nervous. This ignorance and arrogance enrages me. You think a murder in our neighborhood doesn't impact ALL people that live there? The neighborhood isn't just thugs. There are families, retirees, lawyers, fast food workers, elderly, public servants, and many more people, from all walks of life and broad racial make up. Why do you want to come into a neighborhood that you know nothing about and make everyone nervous? Knowing fully well that your friend was murdered in that area! What are you really accomplishing here by further alienating the people that live in the neighborhood and have stuck it out throughout thick and thin?

Words on various myspaces utter "hugs not thugs" and murmurs of teaching us to take our neighborhood back.

I respect your wanting to honor your friend and seek justice. PLEASE respect the people that live here, though. The words you are using are abrasive and the neighbors are already dreading your presence. Further, please get your facts straight. Your friend was not shot on the corner of Sixth and Chippewa. There is a business on the corner of Sixth and Chippewa that has nothing to do with the events that went down. Rather, the murder took place three houses down towards Washington on Chippewa.

More on this...
Myspace: Brian Turd
WGNO: Friend's Mourn Dog Walker's Death
Humid City: Brian Turd - Vigil and Benefit
Myspace: les turdz - Brian Turd. RIP
Humid City: Getting to the end game
Photobucket: Brian Turd Vigil and Benefit Poster

Tulane, dazzling you with gloss and misdirection!

2008-11-13T08:38:00.003-06:00

The hard working folks over at newcomblives.com continue to dismiss the propoganda by big, bad Tulane. This is just an excerpt.

By now you have undoubtedly received Tulane University’s very expensive four-color glossy “brochure” outlining its position on the lawsuit to restore Newcomb College.

While The Future of Newcomb College, Inc. cannot afford to produce a similar brochure – nor would we find it ethical to spend our limited resources (for which we owe you our thanks) on a slick propaganda publication such as that – our board believes Newcomb College alumnae and supporters need to understand that Tulane’s clever “wordsmithing” has distorted the truth about Mrs. Newcomb’s intent, the state of Newcomb College prior to the university’s decision to dissolve it, and the status of the new lawsuit to restore Newcomb College. (The new action, Montgomery v. Tulane, has been filed by Mrs. Susan Henderson Montgomery, a great, great grand niece of Mrs. Newcomb, who fits the Louisiana Supreme Court’s definition of “successor” and who is dedicated to ensuring that Tulane honors the intent of Newcomb’s founding benefactor.)

Below are the facts:

Tulane’s Version of the Truth: Mrs. Newcomb did not impose any conditions upon Tulane as to how it should further the higher education of women.

The Truth: Mrs. Newcomb’s bequest was subject to both a condition and a charge, or an expectation of performance. When she made her bequest, Mrs. Newcomb made it clear that her intent was for Tulane to use her donations “in establishing the H. Sophie Newcomb Memorial College [not Institute] … for the higher education of … girls and young women” and “for the present and future development” of Newcomb College.

What Tulane Says: The Newcomb endowment was created by Tulane.

The Truth: Tulane did not donate the Newcomb endowment. Instead, in 1923, the university took money that Mrs. Newcomb had restricted in her will and used it as the basis for the H. Sophie Newcomb Memorial Fund, designated as funds “functioning as endowment.” Between 1974 and 1979, Tulane University continued to take and use the funds intended to maintain and support Newcomb College because the university had “financial needs.” By 1996, Tulane returned more than $15 million in Newcomb-designated money that it had taken in the 1970s. (See “Endowing Newcomb Forever” on on the upper right corner of this page.) This was money repaid, not money donated as endowment.

What Tulane Says: Today, the Newcomb endowment funds provide the programs of the H. Sophie Newcomb Memorial College Institute.

The Truth: That is true and it is beside the point. The H. Sophie Newcomb Memorial College Institute is not a college. It is an umbrella organization with no academic standing at the university, no dean, no degrees, no advisors, no campus, no student body, and no alumnae association, and the endowment funds were intended for the support of Newcomb COLLEGE and not the Newcomb Institute. Tulane is overstepping its authority in using the funds for this purpose.

What Tulane Says: Degrees have always been awarded by Tulane University.

The Truth: This is yet another example of the deceptive use of semantics by Tulane. Newcomb College graduates received a degree that was granted by Tulane University for fulfilling the requirements of the H. Sophie Newcomb Memorial College or on the recommendation of the Newcomb College faculty. The diplomas were signed by the dean of Newcomb College. The H. Sophie Newcomb Memorial Institute has no degree requirements, nor faculty, nor a dean, because it exists in name only.

It's always been about the money. Please, President-Elect Obama, give Scott Cowen the Secretary of Education gig so he will get the hell out of town.

"She's thinks my chief-of-staff's sexy..."

2008-11-09T21:17:00.006-06:00

I haven't heard any other local lady bloggers say it, so I'm going to say it: I think Rahm Emanuel is HOT! Similarly, I thought John Lyman was sexy back in the day. Peep this Time article for some interesting facts about him. My favorite:

He studied ballet in high school and was offered a scholarship to the Joffrey Ballet, but went to Sarah Lawrence College instead, where he earned a bachelor's degree. He has a master's degree in speech from Northwestern University.

No wonder he has a reputation for being such a jerk - he studied ballet and went to Sarah Lawrence - he has to prove his manhood somehow! Whatever, that's still hot.