Restless Thoughts

I'm sort of back

2007-10-16T19:18:00.000-07:00

Things have been a little crazy. I am having a good time in my new job. I actually feel needed and helpful instead of just bsing around as usual. School is going great but I still have to go and get my recommendations before I forget.

Jay got me a laptop for my b-day and as an early anniversary gift he got me a scooter! It's so badass and cute. I can ride it to school and work and it will save me so much in gas and travel cost.

I will also eventually get a raise hopefully and when I do, I will definately make the best of it. (I want to get over 55 grand a year. That will be so awesome!)

That's really been it. Reading Ralph Ellison's the Invisible Man, read it before always a good re-read.

Peace out.

Cat >"<

Happy B-day to me.

2007-09-30T19:16:00.000-07:00

See above. The weekend started out pretty rough but ended on a nice note. Hopefully things will stay as such as its been pretty crazy (thanks in both parts to us). Being 27 makes me feel old, though Jay says I should feel like a 17 year old, sometimes thats hard to do but I try.

Money Woes

2007-09-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

I actually cried today over money and trying to figure out how to scrimp and save to pay bills. The sad part is, I dont really have anything to show for it, just bills upon bills. I don't even know how I got myself into this. I don't have anything extravagant, I don't have a new car, new furniture no nothing yet I am flat broke.

It sort of makes me upset a little to tell you the truth.

But it's my own fault so I can't even say anything about it. I wish I can talk to someone about it but who really is there to talk to unless you want them to pity you and I don't want any pity. I just don't know what to do.

I may see if I can work on Saturdays in the morning since I'm strapped for cash. Let's see what the boss man says.

Anyway I feel better after posting this, I guess life goes on huh? funny its all happening before my birthday ha!

Totally Wiped

2007-09-01T10:37:00.001-07:00

Ce La Vie

New Job, Back To School

2007-08-28T22:44:00.001-07:00

Hey, its been a while since I posted last! Many things happening. You guys got the message that I was back from Nigeria (it was loads of fun of course) and I did some temp work which for the most part was crap. Got paid 13.50 for work that was insane.

Well I got out of that and now work for JLS Designs/Architecture. It's basically a one man architecture firm and I am his assistant. Been there for 2 days already and so far I do like it. It's like being a PA for someone. I got Jay a gig there too so he's designing the guy's website for him. It's not bad and for the most part I like my co-workers. They are pretty much the same age as me, (my assistant (sort of assistant, does that even make sense?)) is in her Sophomore year in college taking, lo and behold, English Lit. I told her pretty much there is no money in it and to stay with internships, those are her best bet to get some type of decent job.

The benefits are decent and the pay is better then Liberty Controls and my boss is pretty nice I guess, from what I can tell for now. It's a little hectic. I don't have a real seat, I basically bounce around from one desk to the other since I am doing most of his billing in the laptop which is in his office, then sometimes I am on the phones outside or doing other stuff.

Ironically the place is located at my old HS haunts. It brings back the days when I use to hang out there with my Uncle Joe and Uncle Andy or going to the Crazy Moose Saloon (which is closed by the way so its a bit saddening). I work pretty close to Melissa's house so that's different and I am guessing close to Evelyn's house too.

Also, going back to school. I have classes on Wednesdays from 4:30 till god knows when. I made this elaborate scheme as to how to get there becasue I'm so pressed for cash that I don't even want to spend 15 bucks to take a cab there. It's not worth it. Gonna test out my whole, taking the Long Island Railroad to the MTA bus and see how that goes down.

Besides that nothing new, Jay is back to school and he's still working in Galison. We're pretty busy and I sort of miss the downtime. Like today I was so tired from work that I actually slept at 8 pm and got up at this insane hour. I have to be up by 6:30 so I'm probably going to hit the hay soon.

Besides that, nothing else going on. (Thank god, I don't think I can take anymore)

Ah, I did finish reading Philip Roth's new book Everyman. Not a typical Philip Roth book hence I am utterly impressed. It was a mixture of both the celebration of life and the finality of death. Pretty much that you should enjoy the things you do now and consider what you have when you have it before its too late type of schpiel. I am attempting to read Crime and Punishment next but as I told Jay, just the font of the book intimidates me. It's one of those that you look at and abhor because it brings you back to the Highschool days when your teachers gave you books you DID NOT want to read.

Jay is reading I am Legend. I am going to read that next, but so far from what he's read to me (It was cute that he read it to me outloud) it sounds very exciting.

FYI I put up some Nigerian pics on my flicker. If you look it up, its on cbautista930@yahoo.com or just search for my name: Catherine Bautista on the Flicker search.

Till next time.

Cat

Back From Nigeria

2007-07-29T07:26:00.000-07:00

Well, we got back about 4 days ago from Nigeria and let me tell you, the trip going there and back was just insane. It was like God was trying to tell us something, but we made it and now we're back tot he real world.

It was really fun in Nigeria, we took a crap load of pictures so I'll make sure to put some of them up. It was different and sort of the same but definately a great experience. I would love to go there again and visit the different states next time.

Right now I'm back in NY and the first thing I do is of course look for a job. I already am enrolled in classes and have gotten one interview, the next step is to get more and hopefully get some decent money out of it.

Besides that everything is good, me and Jay had a blast and I miss Nigeria already.

=)

Sort of in a bad mood?

2007-06-18T13:00:00.000-07:00

Nice Surprise

2007-06-13T09:38:00.000-07:00

You know, I always write on my blog even though I know barely anyone ever reads it or comes across it but yesterday I had a nice surprise. One of my online friends, she said she visited my blog occasionally (thanks pink lady!) and it was really really sweet to hear that.

Now I feel like at least I don't just rant to myself which I usually do regardless if anyone visits or not.

What else..I've been getting these headaches lately. Serious headaches that I cannot for some reason or other get rid of. It is so annoying. I've tried everything to no avail.

Ugh..oh..and me and Jay joined a new guild last night. Burning Blitzkreig. They seem nice enough so I hope we stay with them for a long while.

Besides that nothing else, ah Jay's mom came to visit. Some drama but Jay worked it out. I'm happy for that and the quest to Nigeria still continues. All I have to say about it is LAWL.

Throwing a Part-e

2007-05-29T13:06:00.000-07:00

I want to throw one. Just one party..well more like a barbeque where we all gather to play football, or softball or some other sport where people can kick each others ass and drink beer and be loud and friendly.

Gonna see if I can wrangle up some of my friends, offer to save the space in the park and just hang out. Hopefully it will be great fun but first I got to talk Jay into it.

What else is going on?

Well I finished my Non-Matriculated Application to Queens College for their teacher's education program. I'm going to have to apply in December for the Fellowship Program to see if they will pay me to actually do these classes so I can teach by the beginning of next year. Going to call and check on that first.

What else is going on? Nothing much else. Things are good, oh..new fave song:

Linkin Park -Shadow of the Day

Tool 's new CD 1000 Days is pretty good too, got to listen to their first song.

Lastly - Allergies..are not fun at all. Been having them all week. It's been crazy.

Welp that's pretty much it. Hopefully the whole party idea will be a good to go thing. I really want to play volleyball or football (prefer football really).

Oh, and me and Jay are leaving definately on July 3rd. We still have to make sure we get a dog sitter for Baron which will probably be my sister Alex.

So..I am going to Nigeria..and I got into the Teaching Program

2007-05-25T12:24:00.000-07:00

yes..just look above. Isn't that fun? Just wanted to tell you all, haven't been blogging much lately but I guess I just wanted to inform you guys.

Besides that nothing else is going on. Oh and when I come back, I'll need a job. (Looking forward to a new job! Yes!!!!!).

Zappa

2007-05-12T19:48:00.000-07:00

Tired, been sick and we've been fighting. I was good today and hoping it will be for a while.

Allergies, Summer School, and Other Work Related Matter

2007-05-04T07:22:00.000-07:00

Okay so first of, I didn't get the job. They were super nice to me, they really wanted me but I didn't get it. Which may be a good thing. A sign from God that I should move on and get something else. I'm really bored with my job and I'm more worried that I'm not doing anything that is worth while in the long run.

Next, I applied for summer school so that I can get my certificate in Healthcare Administration. I can't go wrong with it since it teaches you billing and insurance related matter. I spoke with my aunt, she says its a good step so, hence I'm going back to school. Hopefully just night classes though (not looking forward to day classes) since I'll be working full time.

Oh, and yes I am quitting my job but that won't be till the end of June when I go to Nigeria for 3-4 weeks with Jay. After that I pick up any job that is 9-5 in Queens so I can go to school at night. My goal is to graduate before May (I only need a certain number of credits so it won't be that bad).

Jay's survey is today. His group made this awesome book (he doesn't really like it but I think it looks really good, well..because one of MY pictures are there!).

What else is going on? Trying to find a home based part time job is a biotch. Seriously. I'm considering doing this one job..it's a bit on the adult side but mostly dealing with cash/money managing. So I am pretty happy (sort of not really) about that.

Ah, I got a new phone! Cingular, sony phone that I can actually listen to music to! I love it. It's the best choice b/c I don't have to carry around my ipod or anything. Just my phone and I'm set. Plus I get free imaging on it so I can send pics and other multi-media stuff to Jay.

My Life

2007-04-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

Is like a song whose tune changes dramatically each second.

Nice opening huh? Well it's back to finding a new job because I really am beginning to hate this job. No bonuses, no raises (I've capped off), health insurance took me 6 months to get and my bosses are..well..actually most of them are really nice so I won't complain.

Me and Jay went to go see my Uncle Joe in upstate. Fun, fun it was.

My mom's birthday is coming up, got her a new lcd tv for a good deal. Hopefully it will ship in time. What else?

Sick..very sick. I can't breathe and I can't swallow. Jay thinks I'm joking but I'm not. I'm really sick (*sad panda*).

So I didn't get the job

2007-04-20T13:03:00.000-07:00

Well I didn't get the job I was applying for. I really liked the place too and the partners were super nice and I felt it was a job that I could eventually move up from.

I feel like the jobs I've been getting are mostly dead end jobs or jobs that I have absolutely no interest in. This one was slightly different and I'm very, very disappointed that I didn't get the job.

They said that they really did like me too. It's unfortunate I didn't know the software so basically it was based on skill.

Sometimes I wonder where I'm going to end up, what I'll be doing in the future. In truth I don't really have a career. I've got jobs but nothing to even call a "Career".

That sort of makes me slightly depressed and tired of looking and applying for job upon job upon job.

I always move from my job at least after a year because I get bored of it, because it gets monotinous. I feel like I've no goal and that everything I'm doing is really pointless and mediocre.

I wish I can talk to someone about this. Its making me slightly depressed you know. Nobody really understands how important a job is that will pay for your tuition. I can't take out anymore loans. I'm totally maxed out on loans. I can barely save enough for rent much less tuition fees.

Sometimes I wish I can win millions of dollars or that I was smart before and saved my money but then I never did, how can I when I was working to pay for school and even when I was working it wasn't enough to cover it. I always ended up taking loans. It's really ridiculous.
And slightly depressing.

That was really why I wanted the damn job in the first place. It was a way to pursue the degree without having the added trouble of paying the tuition for it.

Ah well..back to the drawing board.

New Job

2007-04-18T06:24:00.000-07:00

Possibly, or hoping to get a new job. We'll see soon. I'm not really sure, they called me 2 twice already, I met the staff and they called me this morning but I didn't get a chance to pick up my phone. I just want to know if they will be hiring me or if they won't be so I can put my hopes up for a different job.

Right now I have a current job so it isn't that bad. But its very very very boring and very very very mundane. Hopefully I will get a chance to actually work with this new company and get better hours. The 9-5 pm sounds ALOT better in comparison to what they originally wanted me to work.

Freaky Friday

2007-04-13T10:24:00.000-07:00

Had a dream last night..it was one of those dreams that you wake from and you feel like things are going to go down the shit tubes and then it bothers you all day.

I am feeling anxious, like something bad will happen, I wish it will just happen just to get it over with. I hate that feeling.

Ugh.

Welcome Back

2007-04-10T14:41:00.000-07:00

Nothing to really talk about. Happy Easter and all that fun stuff. It was pretty good, me and Jay went to my family's party. Jay played basketball for 20 minutes before wanting to pass out on the floor. I played some tennis, it was pretty good.

We saw Grindhouse. I liked the first movie more then the second movie. Rodriguez's fast paced storyline caught my attention more.

Hmm..what else. Little tiff here and there but things are settling down. For some reason me and Jay are both super tired even though we really didn't do anything. Hopefully we're both not drowning into depression (sometimes it seems like it).

What else? Nothing else, talked to my friend Jess, she's getting married in august in Hawaii. I may have to save for it. Hopefully I can do it.

Nightmare

2007-04-03T06:04:00.000-07:00

I had one this morning. I woke up, got the barbequed chicken ready then went back to bed for about an hour. It was during that time that I had the worst dream and the best part, I knew it was a dream so I just walked about letting myself feel the emotions.

My dream had to do with Jay not acting like his normal self, and another too. It was the way I saw them, heard them, talked with them and the way I was treated, like I was an idiot that was blind to their ways.

Everything screamed betrayal and when I woke up, I couldn't breathe. I was afraid it would happen, that I would be the fool. It took me a good couple of minutes to get my head straight and talk myself out of it.

Well..so that was my weird dream of the day. Hopefully all it was is a dream and it has no portentious meaning.

Ethical or Unethical

2007-04-02T12:06:00.000-07:00

Is donating an egg from your body an unethical or ethical choice? I've always wondered. On one hand you will be helping a family on another it is basically your child you are giving away, for money nonetheless.

Why do I ask? One of my friends were actually talking about doing it. I myself couldn't perceive doing such a thing but her, well I suppose it is up to her.

I'm not sure. Just something I am pondering about.

Restless

2007-03-30T11:54:00.000-07:00

Embodiment of anxiety,
Utter loss of control

Mind numbing headaches
For filtered intense thoughts.

Anxious dreams of old
And now all in a stew.

Time to fly high
But afraid of the fall
From the precipice.

I like writing cryptic poetry. Some of what I'm feeling now. Not too good but always even in darkness there is light for then what is the inky blackness without it's contrast partner?

Unsaid Things

2007-03-22T09:18:00.000-07:00

There are things you want to say but you know you can't say them. It isn't that you don't have words for them, or maybe it is.

I can fill this blank paper with so many words, so many thoughts but is it worth even writing. Maybe it is a passing emotion that I experience because of that moment.

Is there a we, or is it just I and then you, then the gap of words, actions, emotions that distance people.

We are a strange lot. Sometimes I feel like there shouldn't be any feelings, that I'm just made up of feelings. Better not to feel, but then I know that without them, I wouldn't know the joys too.

Better not to think about it. I'm being very complicated right now.

My thoughts are in fragments.

End.

Haven't Posted in a while

2007-03-14T19:55:00.000-07:00

Sorry about that, haven't posted in a while. Actually have been caught up in some new J-dramas. My new favorite, Nodame Cantabile. Very funny and very sweet.

Me and Jay have gotten our couch. It should be here by Monday. We went to see 300. Awesome movie. Jay says we can see it again so I'm happy. He has spring break right now but we're not really doing anything. We are going to see the Maimi/Nets game so that should be fun.

Hmm..nothing else going on really. Ah, we redid our 2nd bedroom into Jay's work room. It looks very nice. Next week we are going to redo the livingroom too. It wasn't bad. It cost us 400 bucks, and 2 days of manual labor.

Oh, Jay redid his website. You should check it out. My sisters graduation is on May 12. I'm proud of her even though she's not talking to me right now. Heheheheh.

Hmm what else? The search for a new job continues, oh and I sprained my ankle. =( Hopefully it will get better soon.

New Blogs, Sick, Blaaah

2007-02-21T06:58:00.000-08:00

Jay got a new blog. He's using wordpress now. Because Blogger isn't good enough! Joking, well probably b/c Wordpress has more features, you guys should check it out.

I've been going to the doctor's a lot. So has Jay. We are hoping everything is alright. Let's just pray.

Been watching Korean dramas lately. So far my fave:

Attic Cat
Goong
My Girl
Full House (is actually good)

These are mostly Korean Romantic Comedies. I'm not much for soaps but I like soaps with endings and these all have endings. The longest I believe is Goong which has 24 episodes. I love all the girls, I think they are very pretty.

Valentines Day

2007-02-14T06:53:00.000-08:00

Yep, happy V-day for all you <3 out there. For V-day I've decided to take Jay to Atlanta but it will be in the summer for the How convention. It's something for designers, I figured it would be the most romantic thing to do with him.

Sent a cake to Jay and flowers to my mom. I hope they like it.

I found an actual sappy song I really like. It's called Completely by Christian Bautista. My little sister loves him, I'm not too crazy about him but this song is really touching. I really love it.

I've been watching K-dramas..or Korean dramas and the best one so far is Goong. They made a Goong S but it isn't as good.

I like sappy movies. I want to see that movie, Lyrics and something with Drew Barrymore. I like her, I think she's sort of sappy and happy. She reminds me of a flower child.

You make me happy, even when I'm so very troubled.

2007-02-08T11:20:00.000-08:00

You make me happy, even when I'm so very troubled.
When things get all awry and I feel so alone.

Like darkness is everywhere
Lurking within.
You make me happy, even when I'm so very troubled.

When I have none to whisper to
My troubles and my doubts.

You make me happy, even when I'm so very troubled.

Yes..I'm corny and I don't care. Today was one of those blue days that turned slightly better. -Thanks.