Ross Grainger - A Briton in Brussels/Un Britannique à Bruxelles

Great team goals

2009-11-13T14:08:00.002+01:00

Here's something to take your minds off all the depressing current event articles I have posted recently. It's a collection of great team goals from the 'Guardian' online's Joy of Six series:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/blog/2009/jul/17/joy-of-six-great-team-goals

They are indeed cracking goals, with Brazil's fourth against Italy in the 1970 World Cup final being the best. However, there are some great ones missing. I'll get to my favourite Man Utd team goal in a moment, but first, to show I'm not biased, here is the greatest team goal I've ever witnessed live, and the greatest goal I've seen scored against Man Utd.

It's from the 2002/03 Champions League quarter final second leg at Old Trafford between Utd and Real Madrid. Real had torn Utd apart in the first leg in Madrid, winning 3-1 and playing some divine football against the side that later went on to win the Premiership that season. Utd went out despite winning the second leg 4-3, with the three coming from the Brazilian Ronaldo, giving perhaps his last ever great performance. He got all the headlines, but the star of the show was my favourite player of all time, Zinedine Zidane. He tormented Utd in the first leg and did it again in the second, and no goal exemplifies his puppeteering genius than Real's second that night.

The match highlights begin around 1'34", with the buildup to Real's second coming at 3'06". Notice how, in the first stage of the attack, Zidane effortlessly rides a challenge from Giggs before eventually making the killer pass for Carlos to square to Ronaldo. Exquisite.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0QiX2KgiV8&feature=related

Neutrals everywhere mourned when Juventus knocked that Real Madrid team out in the semi finals. Here is another example of the stellar football they played that year. This comes from the group stage against AC Milan. The video begins about halfway through the full move, which is a shame, and also the quality isn't great, which is an even greater shame because the brilliance of the one-touch pass from Zidane is not immediately clear. Watch it again. Figo finds him on the left with a perfect cross-field pass from the right. As the ball is arriving, Carlos is bombing behind Zidane on the overlap. Without ever taking his eyes off the ball, Zizou finds him with an immaculate, perfectly weighted flick into his path. Carlos finds Raul, who was then in his prime, and he doesn't mess around. Fantasy football.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AyRmtT_cdE

As for Man United, well, there are a number of sensational team goals that could be chosen. Andy Cole's goal against Barcelona in 98/99 was, as Clyde Tyldsley said at the time, "out of this world". Mark Hughes' late equaliser against Oldham in the 1993/94 FA Cup semi final was memorable (more so because it featured a young Nicky Butt in the buildup). John O'Shea's dagger goal against Arsenal at Highbury in 04/05 was very special (as are all John O'Shea goals). But for the sheer number of passes, the quality of the final pass and the quality of the finish, it has to be Paul Scholes' goal against Panathanikos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjnQad_ulgQ

More proof that meat production harms the planet

2009-11-13T12:22:00.003+01:00

Here's an article from the Independent that says C02 emissions from the meat industry are even higher than previously thought:

http://www.independent.co.uk/environment/climate-change/study-claims-meat-creates-half-of-all-greenhouse-gases-1812909.html

It's important to stress that it's not necessary to go completely meat-free, but rather to reduce meat consumption. I've never claimed, as some vegetarians do, that eating meat is wrong or evil. It is, however, very bad for the planet, and in some forms very bad for your health. Like all things that are bad for the planet it's not a case of No, Never, Nothing, just less. That must be the message of environmentalists.

Harold Pinter's 2005 Nobel Prize Acceptance Speech

2009-11-13T11:01:00.007+01:00

Here is a link to one of the greatest, most important things I have ever read. In 2005 the great British playwright Harold Pinter won the Nobel prize for literature. I had never heard of him prior to this award, but after reading his acceptance speech he instantly became an idol. It is a beautiful and terrifying exposé of truth in both art and politics, specifically the truth as presented by the US government. Here is one of the most damning excerpts:

"The crimes of the United States have been systematic, constant, vicious, remorseless, but very few people have actually talked about them. You have to hand it to America. It has exercised a quite clinical manipulation of power worldwide while masquerading as a force for universal good. It's a brilliant, even witty, highly successful act of hypnosis.

"I put to you that the United States is without doubt the greatest show on the road. Brutal, indifferent, scornful and ruthless it may be but it is also very clever. As a salesman it is out on its own and its most saleable commodity is self love. It's a winner. Listen to all American presidents on television say the words, 'the American people', as in the sentence, 'I say to the American people it is time to pray and to defend the rights of the American people and I ask the American people to trust their president in the action he is about to take on behalf of the American people.'"

From the beginning of his career Pinter was a staunch opponent of both British and American foreign policy (in fact he would argue that there is no distinction). Sadly we will not be able to read further critiques. He died last year.

http://nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2005/pinter-lecture-e.html

FC Irlande - Matchday 10

2009-11-12T10:29:00.002+01:00

Besace 0 - 3 FC Irlande

So four matches, three wins, one draw, 13 goals scored and two conceded. We're getting back on track. It was a must-win game against the worst team in the league, and after labouring in the first half with cold and stiff legs we showed our superior class and fitness. The midfield dominated, the defense left Chris a lonely spectator, and after barely doing anything in the first half, I opened the scoring in the second half with a header from new boy Francis' great corner. I put one on a plate for man of the match James not long after. Charles burst through from midfield and put one on a plate for me after Sigve had let it run through his legs (or completely missed the ball, depending on your vantage point). 3-0 in finished. A more benign opponent would have been a cadaver.

FC Irlande: Chris, Adrian, Christian (37th birthday!), Alec, James, David (Francis), Mark, Kieran (Iwan), Charles, Ross, Sigve

Goals: Ross (2), James

Man of the match: James - Ran up and down the wing all day, putting in tackles and getting on the scoresheet.

Gore Vidal

2009-11-06T13:03:00.004+01:00

Here is a great article by one of my favourite columnists, Johann Hari. It's an interview in 'The Independent' with Gore Vidal, whom I have regretfully only learnt about in the last few months. I would say he's the wisest, most important voice in the US at the moment, and will be for as long as he can keep his engine running. Here's the link:

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/gore-vidals-united-states-of-fury-1798601.html

Like banning your headscarf against a wall

2009-11-03T12:49:00.001+01:00

There’s been a bit of a furour in Belgium in the last few weeks about Muslim students and the veil. Some schools and universities in Flanders have banned students from wearing it, and the Exécutif des Musulmans de Belgique (EMB) is not happy about it. They see it as a violation of their human rights, which is a phrase I always find amusing when it comes from someone who practices Islam.

What is great about a veil (or headscarf) ban in public institutions is that it will make Muslim women realise that not wearing it will make no difference to the way they are treated by members of the public. They certainly won’t get raped. The sight of hair is apparently too much of a turn on for men in Islamic countries, and the veil, along with the burqa and niqab, exist so that their sexual urges aren’t stirred in any way.

In Antwerp 300 students quit the local university in protest at the ban, though around half have since re-enrolled. I find the former fact quite incredible. If you want to go to a state-funded school or university where the veil is accepted or perhaps even compulsory you can choose any of the Islamic states on the list at the bottom of this page.

You’ll have to scroll down to page two, though, for this is the World Economic Forum’s annual gender gap survey. Iceland heads the list, followed by the other Scandinavian countries. While the top and bottom halves of the ranking are generally made up of developed and developing countries respectively, there are some surprising exceptions. Lesotho, for example, is in 10th place, while Mongolia comes in 22nd, far ahead of the USA in 31st (it might also grieve the Americans to know that they were beaten by Cuba).

What’s not surprising, however, are top and bottom ends of the list. Most of us would have predicted the Scandinavian countries at the top and the Islamic countries at the bottom. The highest placed Islamic country is Indonesia in 93rd, while the highest placed member of the Arab League is Kuwait in 105th. From there until last placed Yemen at 134th the list is almost exclusively Arab or Muslim, or both. Some notable exceptions are Guatemala in 111th and South Korea in 115th. Countries like Nigeria (108th), India (114th) and Benin (131st) are majority Muslim or have large Muslim populations, hence their inevitable presence in the latter half of the ranking.

The majority of Muslims in Belgium come from Morocco and Turkey, which are ranked 124th and 129th respectively. Turkey’s ranking is particularly worrying as they aspire to join the EU. In any case it’s incredible that Muslim women in Belgium are trying to replicate the behaviour and status of women in these two countries rather than follow the example of Belgian women, who have helped put Belgium in 33rd place.

http://www.weforum.org/en/Communities/Women%20Leaders%20and%20Gender%20Parity/GenderGapNetwork/index.htm

FC Irlande - Matchday 9

2009-11-03T12:47:00.001+01:00

FC Irlande 4 – 0 La Lorraine

As we pummeled La Lorraine with wave after wave of attacks towards the end of this match I almost, almost had a modicum of sympathy for last seasons’ runners-up. I admire La Lorraine for their footballing ability and their attitude. Nevertheless, we should have scored at least four more goals against the 9 opponents left on the pitch and sent an even more emphatic message to the rest of the league.

There was a good buzz in the dressing room and on the pitch during the warm up, and our very strong line-up battled well in the first half against a good side. They caused us some problems with their good passing and technique, and prior to our opening goal they had the best move of the match. They also forced several corners, but apart from that it was quite even. The goal came when Charles, fuelled by his endless supply of sultanas, drove forward and threaded a neat ball through to Sigve, who had found space thanks to my highly intelligent, Bergkamp-esque diversionary run. Through on goal, the big Norwegian fired high into the net with his left foot.

La Lorraine had already been forced into a change. As early as the second minute their right back went down injured and thus forced them to use their only sub. As against Jefke, their lack of numbers would be their undoing. Towards the end of the first half another player got injured, and so we went in at the break a goal up and a man up, and with three subs on the bench.

We took the initiative in the second half, and Sigve was quickly in the thick of it. Like a marauding sperm whale (a reference to his very white skin, not his abundant man juice) he beat a defender in the box and fired beyond the keeper to make it 2-0. We were flying.

His third was the pick of the bunch. We worked the ball brilliantly up field. Alvaro fed me from the left, I chested the ball into the path of Charles, and his shot rocketed off a defender. It would have been some goal, but our disappointment didn’t last long. We recycled the ball, David played in Sigve, and he forced a shot over the line. 3-0. In trying to block the shot one of their defenders collided with their goalie and had to go off. It was now 11 against 9.

Yann and I were replaced by Benoit and Mark, and the chances kept coming thick and fast. Alvaro missed a sitter, continuing his impressive record of never having scored for FC Irlande. Benoit and Charles also missed good chances, and even Cryans stormed into the sparsely defended box to try his luck. The fourth came from a Cryans free kick that was bizarrely kicked away by the hitherto impressive keeper. Four of us followed up the shot while La Lorraine stood watching. It fell to Sigve and he fired home for his and our fourth.

While it was easy going forward, La Lorraine didn’t give up in their search for a consolation. It took some stout defending from Alec and Adrian, as well as a superb close-range double save from Chris Jones to preserve only our second clean sheet of the season.

FC Irlande: Chris Jones, Adrian, Christian, Alec, James, David, Yann (Mark), Alvaro, Charles, Ross (Benoit), Sigve

Goals: Sigve (4)

Man of the match: There were many other impressive performances, but there was only going to be one winner. The Norwegian was back to his pillaging best. Pure Viking.

I will literally kill you...

2009-10-29T17:06:00.004+01:00

Here's a good article sent to me by the footballing legend that is Michael Hough. It's from the Irish Independent newspaper:

http://www.independent.ie/opinion/columnists/ian-odoherty/i-will-literally-explode-if-i-hear-you-use-that-word-again-1908934.html

The writer gives his opinion on many annoying words and misuses of words, with 'whatever' being the most critiqued. It's annoying, but nowhere near as annoying as the hideous misuse of the word 'literally'.

FC Irlande - Matchday 8

2009-10-29T17:04:00.001+01:00

Forestois 2 – 2 FC Irlande

If you’d given us this result with ten minutes to go we would have been very disappointed, but when the final whistle blew we were, for the most part, relieved that yet another dominant performance had brought at least some reward. We bossed this game, but almost threw it away in the dying moments. Only a late, late equaliser spared us from immense heartache.

We had a very strong line-up, with Yann, David and Charles providing the skill and metal in midfield, and our three big guns at the back (though not Adrian, who managed to get his ID card nicked while at Club You).

As early as the second minute we had them under the cosh. From a corner Fred had two shots blocked on the line. We looked strong, and our early promise bore fruit when I was fouled on the edge of the box and Axel, who had been bragging vociferously before the match about his ability from such positions, stroked home one of the jammiest free kicks you’ll ever see. To say he scuffed it is a generous description, but under the wall it went, off a defender’s foot and into the corner.

They were a strong side, but not particularly dangerous, except for their captain at one moment shortly after that goal. He held off a few challenges 30 yards from goal and let fly. It was a great effort that flew past Chris before he could move. 1-1.

In the second half we kept playing our patient football and really started causing them problems with the introduction of Alvaro, who might have started the match had he not forgotten his ID at home. Que boludo! He whipped in a great cross from the left, but Axel’s header was straight at the keeper. Shortly after this chance I had a couple of one on ones, but was let down both times by poor final touches. David had a great shot spectacularly saved by their keeper, and then hit the post with a looping effort.

A draw would have been immensely frustrating, but with just a few minutes left it looked like we were going to go home with nothing. I failed to control a pass near their box, and for one of the only times in the mach they managed to put together a decent move. Through on goal their striker hit a shot that Fred could only half block. The ball looped up and over Chris and into the net. 2-1.

With time running out we got a free kick on the edge of the box. Alvaro hit it straight into the wall, but collected the rebound and floated a cross in with his right foot. I got a faint touch on it and planted it in the far corner. We were out of jail.

FC Irlande: Chris, Fred, Christian, Alec, Yann, David, Benoit (James), Iwan (Alvaro), Charles, Ross, Axel (Kieran)

Goals: Axel, Ross

Man of the match David – Distributed well, broke up the play and was unlucky not to score.

Richard Dawkins vs. Bill O'Reilly

2009-10-23T12:35:00.004+02:00

In the next few days and weeks I would like to start writing some entries about interesting articles and videos I've come across. I'll start with this "interview" between Professor Richard Dawkins and FOX news commentator Bill O'Reilly on his show 'The O'Reilly Factor', which aired on the 10th of October. Dawkins was on the show to promote his new book, 'The Greatest Show on Earth'. Here is the link:

http://richarddawkins.net/article,4432,Bill-OReilly-vs-Atheist-Richard-Dawkins-,Fox-News

If you have never seen or heard of Bill O'Reilly you are in for a nasty shock. As this "interview" shows, he is one of the most belligerent and hypocritical ignoramuses in the US, a country where the ignorance barometre is higher than anywhere else. In critiquing this man it's hard to know where to start, but I'll begin by explaining why I put "interview" in quotes. The reason is simple: this is not an interview. This is, sadly, a typically one-way rant from O'Reilly in which the vast majority of the five minutes is taken up with his very loud soliloquies. Dawkins can hardly get a word in. O'Reilly shouts down his reasoned counter-arguments, then pretends to be gracious by giving him, "the last word", which lasts about ten seconds.

He's hypocritical and ignorant, but he's smart enough to have created a medium in which he can dominate the discussion and loudly diminish the opposition. It pains me to say it, but Dawkins made a mistake in agreeing to appear on such a forum. He would do much better to debate O'Reilly in a formal debate and for much longer than five minutes.

To the exchange itself, and again, I'm at pains to say that Dawkins did not do very well. The most crucial point they debated was why "creationism" should be taught in a science class. Dawkins did not say what I was screaming at the computer, which is that "creationism", "intelligent design" or any of those other nonsense ideas have absolutely no scientific merit. There is no science behind them - no experiments, no reports, no fact checking. Nothing. They can be talked about in an ethics class, a religion class or a debate class, but not in a science class. Dawkins did not make this point strongly enough.

"Until you guys can explain it [the creation of the universe], I'm sticking with Judeo-Christian philosophy." This is what O'Reilly says in the clip he showed from a previous interview, and the point he parrots again in the recent interview. Dawkins says very politely that this is an extraordinary piece of logic, and he's right. Science is very close to explaining the origin of the universe; there is plenty of evidence for it. But because it's incomplete, O'Reilly chooses to believe in something for which there is absolutely no evidence and defies all scientific beliefs.

Dawkins doesn't challenge the assumption that Jesus existed. People believe this because it was in the New Testament. That's not evidence. Jesus did not exist. If he did, he certainly didn't walk on water, or rise from the dead or fly bodily up to heaven. And his 33 years on Earth (of which only the first 12 and the last one are documented in the New Testament) were, in many ways, filled with examples we should not follow. He never married, nor had children. In fact, his attitude to women seems entirely sexist - what kind of modern leader would want a band of followers that contains no women? He is not the perfect example of human behaviour that O'Reilly claims he is. And I believe George W. Bush followed Jesus. He executed 165 prisoners as Governor of Texas and launched two wars as President. Just as Jesus would have wanted it.

Around 1'10" there is another gem from O'Reilly: "I'm a creationist. I believe in evolution, but I believe it was overseen by a higher power." Dawkins is a very polite Englishman, but he should have jumped in immediately and asked for an example of this. "Overseen"? How? When? And what on Earth does that mean? Did God suddenly throw all the fruit on the ground so our ape ancestors would have to walk on the ground to collect it? After 2.5 billion years did he suddenly lob a few fish out onto the land? It's an absolutely ridiculous belief. O'Reilly is one of these modern Christians who tries to fuse his fairy-tale beliefs with modern science. It actually makes him, and all the other people who do it, look more absurd than those lunatics who believe everything in the Bible is real. He says later in the clip that he doesn't believe in Adam and Eve, so presumably he doesn't believe in all the other fairy-tales of the Old Testament (e.g. the man in the whale, the flood, the ark, the talking snake, etc). Thus we can conclude: he believes in the central character of this book of fairy-tales (God), but not the actually fairy-tales that involve him. Or as I like to put it, he believes in Jack, but not the beanstalk. It's ridiculous.

Dawkins must challenge this moron to a full debate. Given a forum in which he cannot be interrupted every 10-15 seconds and in which he can ask his own questions, he would expose this man for the ignoramus and hypocrite that he is.

Clarifying language - Moderate

2009-10-22T17:23:00.002+02:00

We're told to ignore the people who have "distorted" Islam, and try instead to have a dialogue with the "moderate" Muslims. The problem is there is no such thing. "Moderate Muslim" is one of those Orwellian terms that you hear a lot nowadays. Believing in Islam is not a moderate thing, and nor is believing in Christianity or Judaism.

Followers of these three faiths believe the following: in the blink of an eye a celestial dictator created the Earth and the universe exactly as it is now, but only revealed himself to humanity around 2500 years ago in a remote corner of Palestine. The Earth is around 6000 years old and nothing on it - certainly not human beings - has evolved.

Is this a moderate thing to think?

If you're a Christian you believe that the aforementioned celestial dictator impregnated a virgin woman, who then gave birth to the son of God and that this man later died, rose from the day and then flew bodily up to heaven. If you don't believe this then you're not a Christian.

If you're a Muslim you believe that the aforementioned celestial dictator sent a messenger to Arabia in the 7th century and then gave him divine messages via an angel that only this messenger could see. This messenger's name was Muhammed, and you believe that he is the most perfect human being. You believe he is beyond criticism, a being so perfect and so holy that no image of him can ever be shown and that anyone who wants to take his name for their child has to change the spelling slightly. This perfect human being launched dozens of battles, killed hundreds of people, took 12 wives (one of whom was a 9 year-old girl) and said that Jews were the offspring of pigs and monkeys. You believe that this man is the perfect human being. If you don't believe this then you're not a Muslim.

Is this a moderate thing to think?

FC Irlande - Matchday 7

2009-10-22T09:36:00.003+02:00

FC Irlande 4 - 1 Jefke

"Hello there and welcome to this matchday seven ABSSA clash between 2009 champions Jefke and the always entertaining FC Irlande. I'm your commentator Mon Jotson. Irlande go into this match on the back of an unprecedented three-match losing streak. Moral is low, stress is high, there's talk of unrest in the dressing room and a cross-Channel slagging match. Captain Alec Elliot is under immense pressure to deliver, but is without the absent Dyrnes, Leleux and Rasmussen, who are all away hunting birds in one form or another.

"Jefke meanwhile have fared little better so far this season. After securing their first ABSSA title in May they have already lost three matches, but recently beat early title contenders Brussels British to show that there is still fire in the old dragon. A gripping encounter awaits."

First half

6th minute

"Jefke trying to work the ball out of defense here with Grainger in hot pursuit. Oh dear me! That was a late one from Grainger. The referee isn't happy, the Jefke players are livid. But the handsome striker escapes with just a talking-to. Another one like that and he'll be in the book."

20th minute

"Martin putting the Jefke defense under pressure and he's won the ball! Martin in a great position! Jehangir and Grainger wait in the box, here comes the cross! But it's just behind Grainger, he takes a touch, Jefke swarm, it's madness in there. Irlande are screaming for a penalty! They claim Jefke just sat on the ball like a goose on an egg, but the ref is having none of it, and the goalkeeper clears"

22nd minute

"Ball over the top from Cryans and Jehangir is onto it! He's ahead of his man! Real chance here... but the lob rolls just wide of the post! It was a cheeky effort from the new man. He claims his shirt was being pulled, but a goal kick is given."

25th minute

"Corner for Jefke on Irlande's right, in it comes, Jones goes to meet it but can't get there! And the header from six yards whistles over the bar. Jefke's number 6 holds his head in his hands. He knows he should have done better."

"Halftime here at the Estadio Nossegemo. It was a tight and tense first half as you'd expect, with neither side giving much away. Irlande had the better of the chances, but Jefke threatened with a number of dangerous corners. 0-0 at the break."

Second half

10th minute

"Now Cocoual, 40 yards from goal, Irlande looking to build here. Oh, and Cocoual's gone for it, Grainger is saying 'what the fuck are you doing you stupid French - ' Oh what a goal!!! Oh that's a magnificent goal! Didn't seem to be any danger, but the Frenchman launched that into the goal like a rocket, the keeper scrambled and fell and the ball is in the net. Irlande lead 1-0! Incredible!"

15th minute

"Chance here for Martin. The Spaniard is through on goal, out comes the keeper, and Martin's beaten him! But the ref's called it back. That's a let-off for Jefke, because Martin was about to tap into an empty goal. The keeper is down clutching is ankle. He's going to have to be replaced, but Jefke have used their only sub, and things are going from bad to worse for the champions."

20th minute

"Cocoual, to Martin, Grainger's made a run, here he is, he's through on goal, round the keeper... and into the empty net! Irlande double their lead, and the Englishman gets his second of the season."

23rd minute

"Throw-in from the new boy Dowd, to Cocoual, who's been everywhere for Irlande, he finds Grainger on the outside, perfect pass, Irlande stream forward here, Grainger on the right, two wait for the cross, Jehangir, with all the time in the world, strokes into an emtpy net! This is getting better and better for the Irish! 3-0 they lead! And the crowd are loving it."

27th minute

"Jefke haven't given up here, and if they get a goal now it might just unnerve Irlande slightly. Cross in from the right, Estievenart can't get there and the ball is in the back of the net! Jefke have got one back! Are we in for a frantic finale?"

31st minute

"Ball through from Martin, Grainger's onto it again, out comes the keeper, Grainger shows him a clean pair of heels, but what about the finish? There it is! Left foot, right foot - he doesn't care. The game is won, and Irlande will take all three points."

34th minute

"Now here's De Groote! It's the first time we've seen the Man U molester all season. Grainger's waiting for the cross, but it's just too short. Maybe the balding bandit should have gone himself, but there's the final whistle! It's a great day for Irlande - a resounding win and a performance to match."

FC Irlande: Chris, Adrian, Fred, Alec, Benoit (James), David, Mark, Iwan (Kieran), Charles, Axel, Ross

Goals: Charles, Ross (2), Axel

Man of the match: Charles - Terrorised the midfield and scored a memorable goal

English Bookshops in Brussels

2009-10-16T11:48:00.002+02:00

For those in the market for English-language books in Brussels there are three main choices: for students and teachers of EFL the best choice is Audivox on Rue de la Violette, just off Grand Place. It’s small, but has plenty of material. I use it quite often. For those wanting a more classic bookshop there is Waterstones near Place Rogier and Sterling Books near Place de la Monnaie. I prefer the latter. If there is a choice between an independent shop and a corporate chain giant that’s hell-bent on world domination I will always choose the former.

Waterstones is one of the corporate giants dumbing down Britain. Their shelves are filled with celebrity autobiographies, celebrity chefs plying their third or fourth book and various other twaddle that has no literary merit. WH Smith are also guilty. I was in one at Gatwick airport a couple of months ago, desperate to find a dictionary. I couldn't find one, but I did come across an entire wall of Women's Lifestyle magazines and three books by Katie Price, aka Jordan. Having Women's Lifestyle magazines in a bookshop is a worrying trend. The titles of these magazines show the reading level required to understand them; none has more than three syllables: 'OK', 'Now', 'Heat', 'Closer', 'Pick Me Up'. I wonder what happens when these people look at something like 'National Geographic'. Do they just give up after the word 'national'?

Sterling, on the other hand, hasn't yet turned itself into a cultural cesspool. I went there recently because I was in the rather unfamiliar position of not having anything to read. I finished Ian Mcewan’s ‘Enduring Love’ a couple of weeks ago (a great novel that I highly recommend) so I was looking for a non-fiction work. Non-fiction is a huge genre, comprising biography, history, politics, current affairs and the environment. I like to dabble in a bit of everything, so going to a bookshop with non-fiction as the only requirement means navigating quite a few shelves. Luckily there are ways to tell the wheat from the chaff.

First, be aware of titles that use the phrase ‘change the world’ in any shape or form. It’s such a vague and overused term that can be applied to just about anything. A quick browse through the politics and current affairs section will throw up a number of titles with it or a similarly hyperbolic and nonsensical phrase in the title. ‘Addicted: How Oil Changed the World’. ‘How Cocaine Took Over the World’. ‘1492: The Year China Discovered the World’. And my personal favourite: ‘Tuna: The Fish That Changed The World.’

Be wary of books that aren’t actually books, but collections of articles that you could read online for free. George Monbiot is one of my favourite environmental and social justice campaigners, but even has succumbed to this marketing trend of just publishing a collection of his articles in book form.

When it comes to biographies and autobiographies I only choose those of people who are dead or very nearly dead. Bookshops nowadays are saturated with “tell-all” autobiographies of celebrities who are simply trying to cash in on their fifteen minutes of fame, knowing that it’s soon to run out. Worse still, these idiots still have about half their life left to live. My personal exception to this guideline is footballers autobiographies, but even then I try to limit myself to good ones. So far I’ve read Keane’s, Beckham’s, Bobby Charlton’s and Pele’s. I would recommend all but the latter.

With this in mind there was still plenty to choose from. Sterling has a comprehensive history section, but nothing that grabbed my attention. There were lots about global warming and how to save the planet, but it’s all stuff I’ve heard before, and I feel I already have a good idea of how to change my own life to help the environment. Similarly, though I admire Richard Dawkins greatly, I’m not going to spend time reading a vast book when I agree with the central premise. The same goes for a very important book and film, ‘The End of the Line’, which documents the immense damage being wrought by the fishing industry worldwide.

There are all kinds of books that document the crimes of the US government lo these past fifty years. Noam Chomsky almost fills one shelf on his own. I decided I was a bit sick of that, that I needed something uplifting. I had a feeling the nature section could provide it, and I wasn’t wrong. Colin Tudge is one of Britain’s finest naturalists, and I managed to grab the last remaining copy of his new book, ‘The Secret Life of Birds’. Yes, I thought: Birds. Beautiful, elegant, wondrous birds. They won’t let me down. They won’t depress me. Good old birds.

So for a comprehensive collection and a pleasant browsing experience, go to Sterling. Just stay clear of the very small magazine rack and its Women's Lifestyle section.

FC Irlande - Matchday 6

2009-10-15T08:57:00.003+02:00

FC Irlande 1 - 2 Etterkijs-Champion

Well this one really hurt. We came up short against a very average, but determined side and ended the day two places above the drop zone, staring up at the league leaders. After going in at the break two goals down, man of the match Fred gave us hope. Sadly, it was as good as it got.

When the ref started the match a torrential ten-minute downpour ensued that really made things difficult. We looked like the stronger team, but lacked a little bit of spark. We also had Fred wearing the wrong under shorts. The ref wasn't happy that they came below his football shorts, and so sent him to the sidelines to change them. This was just after he'd given them a free kick 35 yards out. Perhaps if Fred had been there we wouldn't have conceded. Who knows. The ball got driven in, flicked on rather awkwardly by one of their blokes, and into the corner.

We carved out a couple of openings, and hit the bar when Sigve unleashed a vicious shot from the edge of the box. Other than that we laboured a bit; sodden kit feels all the heavier when you're down and chasing the game. Then a ball came high towards me a few yards in front of their box. I tried a stupid first-time flick that went straight to one of their men. He pumped it forward and seemingly in the blink of an eye Chris was out his box and their striker had tapped it past him. 2-0.

A quick goal after half time was essential, and we got it after a good corner from David. Fred got his head to it and it looped up and over the keeper. Game on. Not long after that, Sigve was hauled down just in front of the six-yard box as he prepared to pull the trigger. The ref seemed to hesitate a bit, but gave the penalty. Surely a red card would follow - it was as clear a goal-scoring opportunity as you could hope for. No card was produced, though, and David's penalty was saved. That was as close as we came.

It's hard to remember another chance they had, or a good passage of play. Once again they capitalised on two defensive mistakes, while at the other end we couldn't finish our chances. That's the story of the season so far. And it doesn't get any easier. This Saturday we're at home to the champions, Jefke. If we can resurrect the spirit that saw us beat them at home 2-0 last season we'll be fine.

FC Irlande: Chris, Fred, Christian, Alec, Mark, Yann, Adrian (Benoit), Charles, David, Sigve, Ross

Goal: Fred

Man of the match: Fred - Worked hard in defense and scored our only goal.

7th Century Islam + 21st Century Beauty Pageant = 7th century outrage

2009-10-12T15:30:00.002+02:00

Lets hope the Indonesian province of Aech is not struck by another tsunami, because some of the religious clerics might try to blame it on this:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8302018.stm

A Aechian contestant in the Miss Indonesia pageant brought "shame" to her province, according to Muslim clerics there, by not wearing a veil during the competition. The winning lady responded by saying that hair is beauty and she is proud of her beauty.

It's hard to decide where to start with this. Wearing a veil for a beauty contest would be rather like wearing a veil while getting your hair cut, or wearing your sunglasses to the opticians. The ridiculousness of this story is plain enough and is just one more example of Islam having no place in the 21st century. I would like to focus on some of the language used by the writer of this article.

In the final paragraph the writer says, "the controversy is likely to continue when she goes on to compete in the Miss Universe contest." The key word here is 'controversy'. It's one of those words that gets bandied around very haphazardly in the media. The dictionary defines it as, "disagreement on a contentious topic, strongly felt or expressed by all those concerned."

In the Miss California pageant last year there was controversy when a contestant (who had more living matter in her fake breasts than in her head) said that marriage should only be between a man and a woman. This was a controversy because both sides of the argument began weighing in with great noise and vigour. In the story from Indonesia the only disagreement is from a small group of clerics from a small province of one country. They felt strongly about it, but the other side didn't; the woman's only response was to say hair is beauty and she's proud of her beauty. Not exactly a passionate defense. Calling this a controversy gives the 7th century clerics a modicum of credibility that they do not deserve.

Belgian football

2009-10-12T12:06:00.002+02:00

I haven’t talked about Belgium football much in this blog, other than occasional glimpses at Belgian teams I play against with FC Irlande. I haven’t been to any league matches here, nor have I had the pleasure of watching the Belgian national side. After all, this is a team that narrowly lost to England in the first knockout round in the last minute of extra time at Italia ’90, and a team that was unlucky to lose to eventual winners Brazil at the same stage of the 2002 tournament.

Those days are long gone though. Marc Wilmot’s disallowed goal in the aforementioned loss to Brazil is all Belgium have had to cling in the seven years hence, and they’ll be clinging to it for at least three more years because qualifying for next year’s World Cup has long been impossible.

Drawn in a tough group with Spain, Turkey and Bosnia & Herzegovina, Belgium started out quite well. They had a creditable draw with Turkey and a very unlucky home loss to Spain. Sadly that was as good as it got. They lost home and away to B&H, were crushed 5-0 by Spain and then lost 2-1 away to Armenia. Yes, Armenia. That last calamity was rather summed up prior to the match when one of the senior players was dropped for showing up without his boots. And if that wasn't bad enough, the fans were so disgusted after the loss to Spain that only one fan showed up to watch.

The former Netherlands and Zenit St. Petersburg manager Dick Advocat had signed a contract to take over at the end of this campaign, but such was the desperation in the camp he had to be brought in just a few days ago to oversee the final two matches. If nothing else it’s a boost for Flemish pride. Advocat is Dutch and doesn’t speak French. And therein lies surely one of the most intractable problems for the BFA: What language does the Belgium manager speak with his team? There are almost certainly Wallons who don’t speak Flemish and vice-versa.

The Premiership has three top Belgian players in Fellani (Everton), Kompany (Manchester City) and Vermaelen (Arsenal). Liverpool and Arsenal fans will tell you that Belgium’s top side, Standard Liege, are no pushovers. Why then is the national side so mediocre?

The language is certainly one aspect, and the national FA is another. Advocat is the third manager this campaign, and he spent his first press conference berating his new employers about how they totally mismanaged his appointment. There is also a schism between the older players and the younger ones. The behaviour of some in the latter group has certainly raised a few eyebrows. After the defeat to Armenia the national team doctor, who had been with the side for 26 years, resigned, along with his entire staff, saying that the younger players were behaving like spoilt children, to such an extent that they were asking him to exaggerate injuries in order to get them excused from training. It’s like something out of Mike Bassett: England Manager.

Still, perhaps it’s all for the best. In Advocat’s first game in charge on Saturday the mighty Diablos Rouge beat Turkey 2-0 in Brussels’ Roi Boudouin stadium. It was a meaningless match, both teams having already been eliminated, but nevertheless it was a good performance from the hosts, with two nicely taken goals from Emile Mpenza. It also ensured that we weren’t treated to hours of car horn beeping in Scharbaek.

FC Irlande - Matchday 4

2009-10-12T12:01:00.004+02:00

FC Irlande 1 - 4 Brussels British FC

Sorry for the lateness of this post. I actually didn't play in this match as I was in England celebrating my mum's 60th birthday. It was a catastrophic loss, brought about in large part from our own mistakes and internal bickering. However, rather than give a second-hand account I thought I would let you hear it from the horse's mouth, i.e. Brussels British FC themselves. Here is their version of events:

http://www.rbbfc.org/Stats09-10/view_article.asp?id=358&cat=3

Not flattering at all to say the least. I would get upset, but they're nice lads really. And while they cause us grief on the field, off it they have helped me to have a number of, how shall I say... successes. So no hard feelings.

FC Irlande - Matchday 5

2009-10-08T15:46:00.002+02:00

Brussels LTC 2 – 1 FC Irlande

A devastating loss, one that will linger painfully in the memory. We dominated nearly the entire match against a very good Brussels LTC side, but having taken the lead in the second half, we threw it away and ended with nothing.

We had our strongest line up of the season. Charles started on the right with Mark and Yann patrolling the midfield. I started up front with Sigve for the first time this season. David was behind us, occasionally glancing over at his son on the sidelines, a wise move given that he was being looked after by Kieran.

We took control of the match from the first whistle, bossing the midfield and building up patiently from the back. The chances soon began to come, and go. Sigve missed a couple, and then very nearly set me up for a tap in. I missed my best chance not long after Yann had blazed wide, and Charles and David got in on the act as well. The only sniff of goal they had was when Alec played a back-heel blindly to Christian, but Chris was off his line quickly to smother the danger.

In the second half we relented somewhat, but still had the better of the play. Another agonising goalmouth scramble passed without the goal we craved. They were frantic at the back, but held on. Fred, Christian and Alec kept things quiet in front of Chris. There seemed little danger of them ever breaching our defense. The only question was, could we breach theirs?

The answer came midway through the half with a great team move that ended with Alvaro whipping in a wonderful deep cross to the far post, where I gleefully headed downward to get my first of the season. The relief was palpable, but it didn’t last long. The warning signs were there. In the second half we notched up three yellow cards in quick succession for talking back to the ref. Then, barely a minute after the kick off, Charles lost the ball in midfield and was quickly at the feet of their striker. He was three yards offside according to our defenders, but the ref did nothing. Perhaps he would have called it had he not had to hear so much backchat from us. Perhaps. We’ll never know. The striker, presented with a gift just as he was in this fixture last season, rounded Chris and scored. 1-1.

David was off at this point looking after his 8 month-old son. I went off for Axel with time running down, disappointed that I could only help us draw. Or so I thought. Two minutes from time they worked the ball down the right, and though we yelled and gesticulated wildly that the ball had crossed the end line, the whistle never came. The ball went across to one of two players in acres of space on the other side of the box. He calmly slotted home from 12 yards out.

When I saw the ball roll into the corner I swiveled around, ready to punch the nearest inanimate object I could find. Instead I came face to face with David's son, smiling as he swallowed his baby food. That little face saved me from potentially breaking my own fist. 2-1 it finished.

FC Irlande: Chris, Fred, Christian, Alec; Mark, Yann, Charles, Alvaro, David (Adrian); Sigve, Ross (Axel)

Goal: Ross

Man of the match: Mark – Patrolled the midfield and distributed well. In other words, a shorter version of Darren Fletcher

Smoking Ban in Belgium

2009-09-29T17:55:00.005+02:00

Several weeks ago I posted the following question on the www.xpats.com Q&A section:

As I sat in a bar in Schuman, rubbing my eyes and wafting away endless plumes of smoke, I wondered when, if ever, Belgium will impose a total smoking ban. I heard it’s coming in January. Is this true? Is Belgium finally ready to join more civilized European countries like Ireland, Britain and France and put these coughing, spluttering, yellow-toothed, yellow-nailed addicts out on the street?

I’m thrilled to say that my suffering at the hands of the nicotine addicts and the question they inspired me to ask have prompted a flurry of passionate responses. Some were so passionate that many of them didn’t even bother to check spelling. grammar or punctuation!, But let's gloss over that and get to the heart of the matter, because I love a good debate, especially one where I know I’m right. It’s like arguing with someone who still believes in God, or someone who’s a Liverpool fan (I support Man Utd).

My favourite reply by far was this one from someone posting as ‘fitt’:

I'm from Ireland and am SICK of people saying that the smoking ban is a success there. It's not. It's a total failure. I know people who have started smoking because the of smoking ban. Everybody stands on the pavements now. The inside of the bar is full of wankers and old people, and the fun is outside. So who wants to be sitting inside? Nobody. There have also been lots of pubs closing, especially in rural locations, becuase Mr.Farmer or whatever he's called can't have a pipe, cigar or ciggy with his pint, so stays home and gets depressed drinking tins infront of the lonely fire. It has put Ireland back about 200 years. It's total madness.

Where to start?

Lets first address your claim that in Ireland the ban has been a “total failure,” and “everyone stands on the pavements now.” I’m not sure what you consider to be the point of this historic piece of legislation. My interpretation is that it was intended to improve human health by banning smoking in public buildings. Apart from a few sad people who have gone to absurd lengths to try and smoke legally in public buildings, the law has largely succeeded in banning smoking. Please do what you did not do in your posting and tell us what you take to be the meaning of the smoking ban, or perhaps even just the word ‘ban’.

You then say, “I know people who have started smoking because of the smoking ban.” I find this incredible. Surely these people are not trying to stick it to the man by taking up smoking? Yeah, that’ll show ‘em. You’re smoking outside on the pavement, just as the law intended. It would be rather like protesting against the hunting ban by going on a legal hunt, having never previously ridden a horse. The only possible reason I can think for someone to take up smoking because of the ban is that most, if not all of their friends are spending significant time outside “on the pavements”, while they are stuck inside alone with all the, “wankers and old people,” as you call them. Such a person is obviously awash with self-confidence, so it makes sense that they join a group of people who started smoking to look cool.

Like several of the other current or future lung cancer victims on your side of this debate, you think that it’s the government’s job to keep pubs alive, but that not only are they failing, they are actually trying to do away with them altogether. I don’t know about Ireland, but it is true that independent pubs in Britain are closing at a rapid rate. This has been a long time coming, however. I found an article that gives some statistics for this year. You can find it here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/8161793.stm
As the writer points out, there are many factors contributing to the high rate of closures. The biggest two are probably the poor weather in Britain during the summer and the cheap offers in supermarkets. This writer lists the smoking ban as one of the reasons, but I think this is erroneous. To say that the ban is a significant factor in the decline is very difficult to verify, and I have yet to see any kind of statistical proof. The best people like you can do is give angry anecdotal evidence from your small, smoke-filled corner of the world. Show me somebody who has stopped going to his or her local because he or she cannot smoke there and I will show you someone (me, for example) who goes to his local more often because it is now smoke-free.

‘Fitt’, your posting is a joke from start to finish, but you save the best for last. You say there is now a situation in Ireland where you have, “Mr. Farmer or whatever he’s called,” drinking at home instead of going to the pub. First of all, like you, I don’t know this farmer’s name, but I’d be really surprised if it was Mr. Farmer. But it’s the next line that I really love. You claim that the whole thing, “has put Ireland back about 200 years.” How do I even begin to mock this? 200 years ago Ireland was mostly a country of illiterate peasants and farmers under British rule. Has this system come back? Or are you simply referring to the fact that 200 years ago cigarettes as we know them did not exist? I don’t know, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t either.

Someone named Mr. Neutral replied to my question with, “Avoid smoky bars and go to Salons de Thé instead. _You'll meet civilized people who don't drink, don't shout, don't smoke, don't swear, don't fart... people as boring than you seem to be.”

If I were you, sir, I would have spent less time coming up with a witty name and more time proof-reading my post. So people who don’t like smoky bars are boring? I go to bars because I want to watch the football and have a pint. I don’t think I’d be able to do this in a salon de thê. And for your information, I have no problem with shouting, swearing or farting, and in fact when I’m at a bar I do all three regularly.

I also enjoyed this reply: "Do you have any idea how boring you are with your complaining! Sick of these idiots who think it's a good thing to violate the rights of others. Far better for you to stay at home and not infect us smokers with your miserable whining and moaning"

It’s ironic that this person would suggest that people like me might “infect” smokers like him with our “whining and moaning.” Sir, if there’s any infecting going on, I rather think it’s you who is doing it. And it’s not nouns you’re infecting us with, it’s second-hand smoke. But on to the only remotely sensible argument you made, that we are “idiots” who think violating your rights is a good thing. I don’t think violating the rights of others is a good thing, but banning smoking does not fall into this category. I believe that governments should only legislate behaviour that impacts on others. That’s why I believe it was sensible for the British government to downgrade cannabis to a class C drug, because someone having a spliff in a park is not having an impact on someone else.

However, smoking in a bar is different. You are having a very big impact on me. My hair and clothes stink, my eyes get dry and blurry and my lungs fill with all the delightful ingredients of cigarette smoke.

If I could I would ban smoking everywhere except in peoples homes, and then only if there were no children living there. The problem when dealing with smokers is that you have to be very patient with them. Most are highly stressed and irrational, so total eradication can only be sought in small steps, lest they be pushed them too far and their blood-pressure – already higher than the average citizen’s – goes off the chart.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, when a smoker’s addicted mind says ‘time for a cigarette’, that smoker is a drain on society. At that moment nothing else matters for the smoker. Nicotine must be had. Flaming tobacco must be sucked. I’ve seen children disregarded, conversations dumped, deadlines missed and even cars crash because people need a cigarette. And when the cigarette is finished, normal feelings towards littering are forgotten or ignored, because a cigarette is different; a cigarette butt, like the ash that preceded it, can be tossed anywhere – on the street, off a station platform, in the sand on a beach, in a lake. Anywhere. A few days after I posted my question on the Q&A section someone asked if tossing cigarettes from car windows could ever be banned, making the excellent point that if that cigarette ever hit a patch of oil you would have a very nasty situation on your hands.

That’s why if I could I would say, enough. Go back to your stinking flat, take off your wreaking clothes, and while you wait for the shower to warm up so that you can wash the stench out of your greasy hair, have a look in the mirror at your yellow teeth, your pale skin and the sagging violet bags under your eyes. If you’re a woman, ponder the difference between ‘slim’ and ‘gaunt’, and try to convince yourself that thanks to smoking you’ve achieved the former and not the latter. If you’re a man, shift your eyes down from your flabby belly to your wrinkled manhood and ask yourself why, if you ever manage to bed a woman who isn’t repulsed by your smell, you can’t get it as hard as you’d like, and that the sex only lasts eight minutes, during most of which you try desperately to not cough up a wad of phlegm.

The Berlaymont - Living in the shadow of a bureaucratic behemoth

2009-09-25T11:37:00.004+02:00

I recently moved to Rue Joseph II in the heart of the Schuman area. When I leave my flat each morning and head to Schuman metro I pass under the enormous Berlaymont, aka The European Commission.

The building is an immense three-pronged structure that dominates the skyline in these parts. It's a must-see on the Brussels Open-Top bus tour. The story of how it was built rather encapsulates the spirit of the EU. They spent ages trying to find a site, and then when they did a lot of people objected to it. The EU listened carefully to these objections and then built the thing anyway. After many more months than anticipated it was finished, and they were able to look with pride on a mammoth complex with a bland façade. Again, rather like the EU itself.

Passing by the main entrance to go the metro is always entertaining. There are usually a few tourists taking pictures or filming. "And look, this is me in front of the headquarters of the EU's legislative branch." "Wow, tell me more." Around them there's a smattering of eurocrats in suits chatting in any number of languages. News crews like to broadcast with the building in the background. Beside the escalator there is a woman who sits on a stool playing a harmonica with one hand and shaking a cupful of change with the other. It acts as her percussion. At the bottom of the escalator there's a guy playing the clarinet.

Being such an important EU building means it's a magnet for those wishing to protest against it. The other day I came out the metro and was asked by a young man if I was against vivisection. Further on there was a small group waving pictures and chanting loudly. "Er, it depends," I said. He pointed at the graphic images on the pamphlet - a dog with a shaved scalp, a cat missing an eye, a rabbit with no ears. He went on to say that without legislation it may never end, and before we know it we could have a '28 Days Later' scenario on our hands. "Actually, I wouldn't mind a small-scale apocalypse. Frankly I think we could do with reducing the population. And in something like that I'd be fine. I'd get away." He was not amused.

This group of anti-vivisectionists were small change compared to the dairy farmers who created a small reservoir of milk in front of the Berlaymont recently. I didn't stop to find out what all the commotion was about, but I presume they were protesting against the small number of breakfast cereals available in most Belgian supermarkets. I mean, what does one have to do to get some Weetabix around here? Breakfast for Belgians can be summed in two words: bread and nutella. So well done, dairy farmers. Handing out free milk is a good way to start changing old habits.

What I like most about passing under the Berlaymont each day is just that - I can pass right under it, next to it and even walk right inside if I want. In terms of numbers of eurocrats, this huge building is number one, and in terms of significance and importance it's probably only second to the Parliament building in Place de Luxembourg. And yet, there is a barely a sign of any high-level security. It's a world away from the paranoia on display around the Houses of Parliament in London. In my home country the fear is such that the British government banned any form of protest or demonstration within half a mile of it. The idea of just walking into the main entrance is unthinkable. And rather than those photogenic red-coated guards the Queen has at Buckingham Palace, the British parliament is guarded by legions of police with assault rifles, and they're not the kind who like it when you photograph them or try to make them laugh.

So once again, I say bravo Belgium. No armed guards, no metal fences or razor wire, no ugly roadblocks (in some places they have huge flower pots to prevent vehicles from getting in), no displays of fear and paranoia. People are free to pass by, be they tourists, commuters or protestors. Long may it be this way.

FC Irlande - Matchday 3

2009-09-21T13:10:00.003+02:00

Manzah 1 – 2 FC Irlande

We made hard work of it, but got the win we deserved on a very hot day against limited but spirited opposition. I’m feeling the effects of their spirit on my leg, where I took a late kick; my lower back where I took a hefty knee and my ear where I took a swift right hook.

The pitch was the latest generation astro turf. It’s great for smooth passing, but it radiates heat, and there was plenty of it to radiate on this day. When the ref eventually showed up and got the match started we quickly got on top and began creating chances. I missed the first of four golden opportunities when Sean fed a good ball over the top for me to run on to. I rounded the keeper, but from a tight angle on managed to clip the post. Sean went off a few minutes later when he collided with the keeper and sprained his ankle, though from pitiful the way the keeper screamed you’d have thought it was he who had sprained something.

Iwan came on for Sean and Sigve came up front with me. It wasn’t ideal to make a change so early, but it didn’t interrupt our flow. Charles and Yann were dominating midfield and linking up well with David. It was a neat pass from the Spaniard that put me through and allowed me to square to Sigve who tapped into an empty net. It marked a great return for the Norwegian, looking ever so slightly lighter on his feet in his first game of the season after having his appendix removed.

The goal was contentious – they claimed offside – and in the second half we got a taste of it ourselves. A ball over the top was heading straight for one of their blokes standing in an offside position, but he made no effort to play it and instead let one of his team mates in to lob Chris from the edge of the box. 1-1.

It may have been their only shot on target in the match. Our defense of Adrian, Fred and Alec were dominant, and the midfield was still running the show. Though tired from the intense heat, we battled on and continued to create chances. David had a couple of good efforts saved, Fred headed over from a corner, and I missed a great one-on-one. When that last effort sailed wide I had the feeling it wasn’t going to be our day.

Mercifully they made one final mistake. I pounced on a loose pass in midfield and fed David on the edge of the box. Running onto the ball he opened up his body and stroked a brilliant first-time effort into the far corner with his right foot. Elation. I’m not proud of what I did next, but it’s worth sharing just to give a taste of amateur football at this level.

First of all, some context. Once they had equalised, their most vociferous fan on the sideline kept holding onto the ball when it went out in an effort to waste time and to prevent us from taking quick throw ins. On one occasion he did it to me, and I mildly pointed out that he was a ‘connard’. This is the French word for wanker, prick, dickhead, or any other penis-related insult you can think of. He took great offence to this and spent the next few minutes berating me. A few minutes later we had a corner, but one of their blokes was down injured near the halfway line. Tired of this man’s insults and his general dick-headedness, I decided to round things off by saying, ‘ta mere’ – your mother. This is a very bad insult to anyone, but especially to Arabs (Manzah are an all-Moroccan team). Arab men love their mothers. That must be why they make them wear veils and burkahs all the time, to show just how much they respect them. Anyway, with the ref fifty yards away with his back turned, one of their players punched me hard in my left ear. I didn’t react, at least until we’d scored the winner. “You want the ball? It’s over there,” I said to our number one fan. He came storming on the pitch and had to be restrained by his own players. He got sent to the stands, I got a yellow card. As I said, I’m not proud.

Acrimony aside we got the win we deserved and can look forward to the game against the British next week with real optimism. Our back line and midfield are looking more and more formidable, and if yours truly can put away some of these chances then we’ll be flying.

FC Irlande: Chris, Adrian, Fred, Alec, Ori (Mark), Charles, Yann, Sigve (Axel), Sean (Iwan), Ross

Goals: Sigve, David

Man of the match: Fred and Charles. The former bossed things at the back, and the latter terrorised the midfield like an angry French poodle off the leash.

Why I left facebook

2009-09-16T13:05:00.005+02:00

One of the common reactions I get when I tell people I was on facebook, but then quit is, "wow, you can quit facebook?" Yes, you can. Unlike a woman who wants to leave Saudi Arabia, members of this social networking site are free to come and go as they please.

"But why on earth would you want to do that?" I'm often asked. Why indeed. Having amassed a friends list nearly 400 strong, why did I abandon ship and return to using primitive socialising tools like email and mobile phones or even, dare I say, talking face to face?

Even when I was part of facebook, I always said I'd quit by the age of 40. In my opinion this should be the age limit for joining a website that was created by university students for other university students, filled with many gismos and gadgets that are considered uncool even among teenagers. The presence of people old enough to be my mum, and who in fact were friends with my mum, was one of the straws that broke the camel's back.

The aforementioned gismos, better known as "applications", also became insufferable. "So-and-so gave you a shot". "Person-you- barely-know poked you". "What's-his-face has challenged you to a duel". These are the kind of messages I'd expect if my secretary was the Mad Hatter and I was the president of Wonderland. What am I supposed to do with his information? And more importantly, why am I friends with people who enjoy proliferating it? How am I supposed to react when someone tells me they lost 30,000 "chips" playing poker?

The surrealism didn't end there though. Once people had added every application known to man (and several previously unknown to man) there came the invasion of the personality quizzes. Any vestige of intelligence ("Which historical figure are you?" for example, or "Which modern day politician are you?") quickly evaporated in a tidal wave of inanity ("What comic book are you?"), childishness ("What 'Lion King' character are you?") and mind-numbing specificity ("What kind of ipod are you?"). Like most things on facebook, these quizzes were a complete waste of time, but worse than that, they were sycophantic beyond belief. "What kind of 'Lion King' character are you?" "You're Simba, the King of the Pride." "What kind of car are you?" "You're a Ferrari. Sleak, beautiful, and classy." There was never a hint of criticism or honesty. "What kind of ipod are you?" "You're that thick, useless prototype apple came up with back in 2001." "Which historical figure are you?" "You're Hitler: you're a complete lunatic and crap at painting." This last one describes about half my friends. Then, with peoples narcissism and self-obsession still unsatisfied, there came the quizzes people made about themselves.

However the thing that really told me I need to leave this world of idleness were the status updates. If I were to concoct a list of utterly ridiculous status updates and put them next to a list of real ones you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. With each glance at my homepage I became increasingly depressed that I was friends with people who thought it necessary to write such drivel. "X just is". Wow, how esoteric. "Y is thinking when will one of these fish swim her way." Probably when you change out of your Little Mermaid pajamas, put your daddy's laptop away and start acting like a grown up. And your status update is a question, so it needs a question mark. "Z is so sorry. RIP buddy." Really? You're eulogising your friend via your status update? I'm sure he or she would be so touched that you went to so much effort.

I've concluded from all this that I prefer a little less information. I prefer to not hear from my friends every minute of the day, or even everyday, nor to see every single picture they've ever taken. It's good to go without something for a while. It makes you realise how much it means to you. Facebook is an overload of information, most of it useless and embarrassing. Part of the process of quitting the site is being forced to answer the question 'why are you leaving facebook?' "Because it's a brutal dictatorship that is destroying millions of minds. If you were a historical figure you would be Pol Pot. Goodbye."

FC Irlande - Matchday 2

2009-09-15T14:41:00.003+02:00

FC Irlande 5 - 0 Babylone Auderghem

We got back on track with a resounding win in our first match at our new ground. With a good-sized crowd out watching and the sun shining down we dominated Babylone for the first whistle and gained some revenge for the demoralising 1-1 draw we suffered against them last season.

I lined up in attack alongside Sean, with Adrian playing on the right for the first time and the French duo of Charles and Yann shoring up the midfield. David was back in his favoured position, and new man Ori was on the left. We quickly began creating chances, and from a corner early on Christian flicked home with his head.

Adrian had been making good runs up the right wing from the beginning, and with plenty of space he floated in a deep cross that sailed over the keeper and into the net. 2-0. Babylone's goalkeeper showed up about halfway through the match to finally give them 11 men, and while it helped stem the tide, it didn't mean much extra work for Chris in goal.

In the second half we kept the tempo high and were rewarded with an early contender for goal of the season. Eoghan, on for Ori, fed me on the left win, and I lofted a ball to the edge of the box for David, who smashed home a fantastic volley off the underside of the bar. He then claimed a tenuous assist on the fourth goal as his pressure on their centre back forced the unlucky lad to hit a hurried back pass to his keeper, which went straight past him and into the net.

Substitute Mark Cryans grabbed a fifth, smashing home from close range after Babylone failed to clear a corner. With Charles and Yann winning everything in midfield we could have scored more, but in the end five nil was a very satisfactory score line, though in failing to get on the scoresheet I had to endure endless remarks about how four people are currently ahead of me in the goal scoring charts.

FC Irlande: Chris, Enda, Christian, Alec, Yann, Charles, Adrian, Ori (Eoghan), David, Sean (Mark), Ross

Goals: Christian, Adrian, David, o.g., Mark

Man of the Match: Christian - Won everything at the back and even scored with his head, which is surprisingly rare.

FC Irlande - Matchday 1

2009-09-10T08:56:00.003+02:00

Goalois 4 - 0 FC Irlande

Well, a terrible, terrible start to the new season. This time last year we were full of optimism after beating these boys 3-2 in the first match of our second stint in the top flight. Now we're wondering if we're going to pull a Reading or a West Ham, i.e. have a great first season back in the top flight, only to let complacency set in during the second.

Missing four regulars we started well. We had a couple of half chances before Fred forced a good save from the keeper when through on goal. All our momentum was lost, however, when their centre back headed in from a corner. Shortly after Fred deflected a free kick past a helpless Chris in goal and it was 2-0. RIght on cue the rain began lashing down. It's a beautiful thing when you're winning, but utterly deflating when you're down.

At halftime the message was stop bitching at each other and especially stop bitching at the ref. We didn't really do either, though we did marginally improve. It wasn't enough though. Goalois are a strong side; they finished sixth last season and were unlucky to lose to us twice. We didn't really fashion any more clear cut chances, and instead gifted them two more goals. The first was a woeful cross-field pass from Ori that was easily cut out and turned into a neat assist. The second was a suicidal combination between Chris and Enda at the back that resulted in the ball going straight to their striker, who rounded Chris and tapped in.

We talked formations and players and missed chances, but the two most important aspects are to be stronger physically and mentally.

FC Irlande: Chris, Enda, Adrien, Alec, Ben Gannon (Ori), Mark, Yann, Alvaro, Fred, Stef (Christophe), Ross

Man of the Match: Ross - when everyone plays badly, vote for the best-looking bloke

Japan - Please stop killing cetaceans

2009-09-04T14:45:00.006+02:00

I've never been to Japan, and as things stand I'm never going to go. I tasted sushi once. It was quite nice, but I'll never go to a sushi restaurant, nor any other Japanese restaurant. I'll never buy any manga comics or Japanese films. I've long considered 'The Karate Kid' a pile of crap. After reading about this latest outrage, I'm considering boycotting all Japanese tourists when they ask me to take their picture.

What outrage is that? It's not some online suicide cult telling young people to slit their wrists. Nor is it the fact that the subway in Tokyo has separate carriages for women because so many of them were being groped during rush hour by the unseen hands of Japanese men.

This is the outrage that shows that Japanese people care more about laptops and microchips than about marine mammals, especially whales and dolphins. For years Japan has continually flouted the international moratorium on whaling under the guise of "whaling for scientific purposes", which in terms of global deceit is up there with "Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass destruction". Slaughtering a thousand mink whales has no scientific value whatsoever, unless the experiment is to see how long it takes a whale to die after it has been harpooned. The answer to that is about fifteen minutes, and longer if the harpoon is off target. The only value these hunts have is economic; the meat from the whales ends up in shops and restaurants all over the country.

That was bad enough. Then I read this:

This documentary about a small town of dolphin hunters shows that around 20, 000 of these highly intelligent mammals are hunted every year, with a small number of them going to marine theme parks around the world. Therein lies the key, according to one of the producers. If the theme parks disappeared, the hunt would not be economically viable.

So if you don't want to give up your sushi, manga comics and Japanese school girls, then at least please promise to never visit one of these cruel and appalling theme parks, where whales and dolphins are made to perform tricks for our entertainment.