Oakdale Confidential

HIATUS

2007-01-22T12:40:00.000-08:00

Blog on temporary hiatus due to:

Aries Camille
Born 1/16/07
7 lbs. 11 oz

In the meantime, please visit the PGP Classic Soap Blog at http://pgpclassicsoaps.blogspot.com/ for all your soap news and gossip needs.

TURN, TURN, TURN

2007-01-12T06:43:00.000-08:00

In the mid to late 1980s, at the Academy Awards, Chevy Chase (you know it was 20 years ago because not only was Chevy asked to present, he was allowed a couple of minutes to ramble freely) did a bit pondering whether film-critics, as children, were told, "Son, when you grow up, I want you to spend all your time going to the movies, then telling people what a miserable time you've had."

Well, thanks to the Internet, "everybody's a critic" is more true now than it's ever been before. And a majority of these newly minted experts do seem to get off on telling people what a miserable time they're having.

Take the "fan" message boards for every television show in existence (and a few that were cancelled seasons ago). Easily eighty percent of the messages are people going on and on and on and on about how much they hate, hate, hate watching the show in question.

I'm sorry, are they all at Abu Grahib and this is their daily torture session? Does their television set only broadcast one channel for one hour a day? Are they under house arrest wherein their ankle bracelet offers electro-shock if they attempt to exit the reach of their cathode ray?

Why are people watching shows that make them so unhappy? (For the record, these are the same "fans" that cheer when the show's ratings go down -- for it proves what they've been saying so insistently, the show sucks and fan fiction is obviously the only way to save it; and are downright glum when the ratings go up; but -- but -- but, how could that be? How can anyone anywhere be enjoying what's being broadcast? Don't all people want exactly the same thing out of their entertainment?).

All this carping not only makes "fan" message boards a bummer, it does something far worse: it makes them dull. The same people posting the same thing, often three, four, five times a day, beating the same horse until it's not only dead, but stripped and reduced to powder, isn't my idea of a good time.

But then again, I'm one of those weirdos who, when a show I love goes bad, at least for me, (Chicago Hope, Buffy, Desperate Housewives, Battlestar Galactica, Seinfeld), I simply switch the channel.

Or delete a message board's URL from my favorite places.

THE GRANDMOTHER CLAUSE

2007-01-08T06:30:00.000-08:00

This isn't The Santa Clause 2. It's isn't even Groucho and Chico Marx's bit about "Sanity Clause." This is the clause that, in the 1970s and 80s, several actresses had put into their soap contracts, stating that they could not be made grandmothers on the show.

Eileen Fulton (Lisa; ATWT)... demanded that a "grandmother" clause be put into her contract stipulating Lisa never have a grandchild. When Lisa's son Tom and daughter-in-law Margo suffered through a miscarriage in the mid 1980s, Fulton was flooded with hate mail, although she had dropped the clause years before the storyline occurred.

GH's Denise Alexander (Leslie) also had the clause in her contract. (No wonder Luke & Laura had to have little Lucky off-screen).

Rumors whisper of similar deals for Susan Lucci (Erica; AMC) and Michelle Lee (Karen; KL).

If that was the case with Lucci, it obviously disappeared before Bianca gave birth to Miranda. And now that Lucci is a grandmother in real-life, it's probably unlikely to reappear.

Besides, haven't these people heard? Grandparents are hot on daytime. Take a look at how many greats some of these characters have hyphenated to their names:

GL's Alan Spaulding is a brand new great-grandfather now that granddaughter Lizzie has given birth to little Sarah.

ATWT's Nancy Hughes would have been a great-great grandmother if Gwen's baby with Casey had lived.

Asa Buchanan on OLTL is grandfather to Kevin who became grandfather to his ex-wife, Kelly's son, Zane, courtesy of Kevin's late son, Duke. Making Asa Zane's great-great grandfather.

DOOL's Alice became a great-great grandmother all the way back in 1977 to little Scotty Banning. He was played by Rick Hearst in 1989, so it's very conceivable (pun intended) that he's had a passel of kids by now (off-screen), making Alice a great-great-great grandmother.

And they all look great!

Must owe it to a terrific moisturizer.

POWER OF THE WEB

2006-12-28T09:35:00.000-08:00

While the producers of ATWT and GL are always listening to fan feedback about their shows -- they read their mail, monitor message boards and regularly hold focus groups -- recently, a group of viewers seem to have overestimated their immediate influence on the goings-on in the town of Oakdale.

On December 15, Broadway World.com ran an interview with several young stars of the musical, How the Grinch Stole Christmas! One of the actors, Daniel Manche, the recently SORASed JJ, was quoted as saying that he had just filmed a scene where JJ killed his on-screen brother, Parker.

The ATWT message boards lit up with outrage and fury about the upcoming plot twist. Which turned out not to be true. Within days, the story was amended to read that "Daniel said he'd just filmed a scene where he beats up his on-screen brother."

While a majority of posters understood that a mistake had been made by a reporter unfamiliar with the show, a small group decided that the revised story was merely P&G spin and that, in response to their vocal uprising, the story of JJ killing Parker had been quickly scrapped.

This may -- may -- have been a possibility if the plot were still in long story stage. Less likely if it was in the breakdown stage.

But, if the scene had already been filmed, that meant it was, at most, six weeks from airing. (I'm not even factoring in the time that must have passed from the interview being conducted to it being posted; let's be generous and say it was a one day turn-around on the writer's part).

To kill the story based on fan uproar, ATWT would have had to mutilate a good chunk of an episode that was ready to air. They would then need to film new scenes to fill the gap.

Furthermore, since a story like JJ killing Parker would hardly have played for one day and never been mentioned again, that meant they would have had to rewrite weeks of scripts already in the can, not to mention possibly cut and reshoot several more episodes (all during the holiday season, with its multitude of vacation days, to boot).

ATWT loves their fans. They care what their fans think about their show and its direction.

But no way would they -- frankly, no way could they -- kabosh a major story in a few weeks under the above circumstances. No matter how loud an outcry.

TIS THE SEASON TO GO WACKY

2006-12-18T06:29:00.000-08:00

Tis time again for The Battle Over Christmas, as airports take down their decorations and put them up again, and carolers are hushed to protect a figure skater with a Jewish last name who doesn't mind in the slightest (Sasha Cohen, by Jewish law, isn't even technically Jewish, since it's her father who is the Jew, not her mother).

As part of an interracial/interfaith family, I tend to look upon this annual hysteria with exasperated amusement.

If my three year old knows that, "some people believe in Santa and some people don't," you'd think it wouldn't be that hard of a concept to grok.

Also, as someone who has often been chastised for marrying a non-Jew, I tend to be rather intolerant of intolerance. (I also have trouble with dairy products).

Amusingly, the majority of people who judge my life choices are unmarried, Jewish women.

It is at this point that I like to smile pleasantly, nod, and, in my head, sing a few bars from The Music Man:

When a woman's got a husband, and you've got none
Why should she take advice from you?
Even if you can quote Balzac and Shakespeare
And all them other high-falutin' Greeks.

Happy Holidays!

TRUTH IN ADVERTISING

2006-12-14T06:58:00.000-08:00

Over on the Amazon.com site, four readers are upset that Oakdale Confidential: Secrets Revealed turned out to feature the original text of Oakdale Confidential, with only a new prologue, epilogue and photo insert.

While I am sorry that people feel they were misled, I'm not sure how the additions could have been made any clearer.

Besides what I wrote on this blog, there is the book's cover, which says: Now expanded for the new season/Contains new epilogue and photos," and the Amazon website itself, which says: "Now expanded with a note from the author, 16 pages of photos, and a startling new epilogue that everyone in Oakdale is talking about!"

On the show itself, Lucinda kept asking Katie for new pages, saying how the books was an expanded edition for the holidays.

Was there more we could have done to make it clear?

ALL IN THE FAMILY

2006-12-07T06:52:00.000-08:00

As Y&R's new Executive Producer, Lynn Marie Latham, and Co-Executive Producer, Josh Griffith, get settled in nice and cozy to Genoa City, I have but one small hope:

That neither one of them has off-spring.

Because while I have many quibbles with The Young & Restless in general (if the show moved any slower it would come to a dead standstill, for instance), one specific, multi-year objection of mine is how the producing and writing regime seems to feel entitled, nay, obligated, to foist their untalented progeny onto our television screens.

It all started, I suspect, with Lauralee Bell. Creator Bill Bell's daughter came on the show in the 1980s as a teen model named Chicklet (sorry, sorry, I know it's Cricket), and proceeded to stand around waiting for all the young (and not so young) male characters to fall in love with her. Eventually, she went by her real name, Christine, and became a lawyer, but the standing around and waiting to be worshipped never really ceased.

Then we had the Alden children. Headwriter Kay Alden's son, John, played a pre-teen, nasal Nicholas Newman for many years, while Alden's daughter, Conci, thankfully walked through a much shorter stint as Paul's whiny little girl, Heather.

Supervising Producer Ed Scott's daughter, Jennifer, played a recurring baby sitter named... Jennifer. While Jack Smith's daughter, Asia Ray, was Sierra.

Lest anyone think I'm a child hater in general, I would be happy to provide a list of pint-sized actors I've adored over the years.

Jonathan Jackson (Lucky; GH), Ashley Peldon (Marah; GL), Rachel Miner (Michelle; GL), Jason Biggs (Pete; ATWT), Trevor Richard (Kevin; AW), Jason Zimbler (Jamey; EON), Omri Katz (John Ross) and Joshua Harris (Christopher) of DALLAS, I could go on and on.

But not one of them is the offspring of their shows' production team.

UH... NO... AND STILL... NO

2006-12-05T07:39:00.000-08:00

From NBC:

In another history making interactive first for NBC Daytime, beginning today through December 31, fans of NBC's hit daytime drama Days of our Lives (1 p.m. in most markets) can vote online at NBC.com to name Hope's (Kristian Alfonso) baby girl.

Daytime viewers have been voting on storylines -- albeit, at first, by phone -- since Guiding Light fans decided an on-trial-for-murder Meta's fate in 1951. 75,000 votes were cast, with a margin of 100 to 1 to declare her innocent.

In 1984, GL watchers also voted on what to name Nola and Quint's baby. The winner was Anthony James, though the tot kept losing syllables, as he was first called A.J. and then merely J.

Santa Barbara followed suit in 1989 with Cruz and Eden's baby, whom viewers named Adrianna.

GL fans, this time using the Internet in lieu of a phone, named Rick and Mel's baby girl Leah in 2004. (It's a good thing they didn't take too long to decide. The young lady is currently a teen).

Even DOOL itself offered viewers the chance to vote on who should be the father of Hope's last baby -- John or Stefano. (Of course then they changed it to Bo anyway, and eventually killed little Zack off).

So I'm not really sure where NBC is getting their "another history making interactive first" designation from.

ABC is on slightly firmer ground with their announced:

...Plans for a groundbreaking storyline on All My Children involving a character coming to terms with her transgender identity. This marks the first time any daytime drama has chronicled a transgender coming out story.

Arguably, the story was already told on their very own network in 1996 with the character of Azure on The City, played by Carlotta Chang. More from GLAAD on the groundbreaking tale, here. Since Azure had technically already completed her surgery prior to being featured, you could say that AMC's story is unique in that it will follow their character, Zarf (anyone else thinking of Spaceballs and John Candy when they hear the name?), through the process. But that seems to be splitting a very fine hair. (Fun soap opera trivia fact: Ms. Chang is currently married to ATWT's Paolo Seganti, who plays Damian).

The above situation sounds a lot like what happened in 1984, when ABC proudly trumpeted their primetime television movie, Something About Amelia, by boasting that it was the first time father/daughter incest was being dealt with on television.

Except for the fact that Loving (forerunner to The City) had been playing the same story in daytime for almost six months.

ABC solved the little conflict of honesty by telling Loving to kill their version.

Something About Amelia won a bunch of Emmys.

BOOK LOVERS OF DAYTIME

2006-12-04T13:04:00.000-08:00

An overview of how books have played a role in P&G soap opera storylines over the years, at the PGP Classic Soaps Blog.

Other soap opera tie-in novels not mentioned include OLTL's The Killing Club, General Hospital's Robin's Diary, Guiding Light's Lorelei's Diary and Passions' Hidden Passions.

What's interesting is that, aside from the GL title penned by the actress who played Lorelie/Beth, all of the books above made the NYT bestseller list. (And the majority of them outperformed Bad Twin, the Lost tie-in novel).

The power of daytime!

KATIE GOES TO (K)OLLEGE

2006-11-28T10:36:00.000-08:00

With my husband being an M.I.T. man, I got a special kick out of the MIT Convergence Culture Consortium Weblog and their academic take on Oakdale Confidential: Secrets Revealed.

Who ever thought our little Katie would make it to the hallowed halls of M.I.T....

BEAUTY AND THE WIMP

2006-11-27T06:31:00.000-08:00

I took my seven year old son to see Beauty and the Beast on Broadway over the weekend.

Amidst the dancing silverware and happy, French peasants, every effort had obviously been made to show Belle as a positive role model for little girls. She's smart (the townspeople call her odd for being bookish, but her doting Daddy assures her she's perfect the way she is, and later, she charms the savage beast not with music but by reading to him), she's brave (taking her father's place in the beast's dungeon), she's kind (treating the beast's wounds after he saves her from wolves) and she's loving. The perfect girl, the perfect heroine, the perfect role model.

Meanwhile, this is what we learn about the Beast. He was spoiled and arrogant, thus deserving of a curse (why exactly the wandering sorceress gets to stick her nose into his upbring -- was he bothering her? It's a big woods, you don't like this prince, keep going, lady -- is never explained, nor why her meddling should also extend to cursing his poor servants by turning them into objects). After the cursing, the Beast possess super-strength, being able to singlehandedly fight off four wolves who are attacking Belle.

After Beast fell in love with Beauty, however, he apparently not only loses his nasty temperament, but his ability to fight, as well. For when Gaston (Donny Osmond; yes, Donny Osmond) breaks into the castle and begins pummeling him, the Beast doesn't even bother trying to fight back.

Why?

Has falling in love sapped him of his strength?

Has being "tamed" made it impossible for him to defend himself?

Do girls only like boys who have been completely emasculated and cut off from their basic natures?

Are all boys spoiled, arrogant and violent, needing of first a nosy sorceress and then another girl to come in and make them more like... more like... them?

What a delightful message.

2006-11-16T06:45:00.000-08:00

On the official ATWT Message Board, a poster writes regarding Mike and Oakdale Confidential:

I'm surprised too considering (Mike) didn't pick up on the fact that the running theme of (Katie's) first book was Simon... what Simon did to her, her needing to get over Simon and comparing everything "good guy" Mike did to what "bad boy" Simon did.

This post intrigued me for a number of reasons.

First, I'm happy a reader picked up on the subtext of Oakdale Confidential. That layer was definitely there, though never blatantly stated.

Second, that subtext was there because I put it there. And I put it there because I believed, in spite of what was playing out on air at the time -- Katie and Mike in total love and planning to get married and live happily every after -- that Katie had never gotten over Simon.

That was my own personal prejudice. I just couldn't wrap my brain around the idea that any woman would prefer bland Mike over charismatic Simon. (This is no slight against actor Mark Collier, who is one of the nicest guys on the planet -- the indifference extends to the character of Mike only).

Simon is romance, adventure, and a sly twinkle in the eye. Mike is... Polite and tidy. Nothing wrong with polite. Or tidy. (Bet you he's a "measure twice, cut once" kind of contractor). Nothing too interesting about it, either.

So when I wrote Oakdale Confidential, I wrote it from the point of view that Katie was protesting way too much. Telling herself over and over again what a great guy Mike was to quell the part of her that couldn't let go of Simon. It's all over the book, just like the above posted noted.

And now, almost a year after I first wrote it, the story is playing out on air. Katie never got over Simon, and now her marriage to Mike is in tatters because of it.

In the movie Broadcast News, Albert Brooks calls Holly Hunter at work to give her a piece of news that she then feeds to William Hurt live on the air. Sitting at home watching TV, Albert marvels, "I say it here, it comes out there..."

I feel the same way.

SCARLET LETTER DAY

2006-11-14T10:16:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, November 14, 2006 is the official release date for Oakdale Confidential: Secrets Revealed.

Amazon.com and BN.com were both supposedly shipping copies last week, but today is the day the book should be at BOOKSTORES NEAR YOU.

Because books need to be written so far in advance (was anyone else amused by Friday's episode of ATWT, wherein Lucinda told Katie and Mike that she needed to have the new pages, right, right now -- or else they wouldn't make their Thanksgiving publication deadline? I surely was) and soaps are done so close to air (six weeks lead time, tops) it was impossible back in the Spring/Summer, when we were brainstorming what the new story both on the air and on the page would be, to project exactly when the perfect day for publication would be to make it hit concurrent with story.

As a result, those who buy their copy of Oakdale Confidential: Secrets Revealed this week (and who wouldn't rush out and buy it immediately, after all -- it's got pictures!) will actually end up with some advance story information for the end of November and early December.

(And for those who enjoy a good broken time/space continuum, again, note that the extra pages Katie has yet to write on the air are already available in the real world. Very Heroes, no?)

AS THE WEB TURNS

2006-11-10T06:52:00.000-08:00

Television and the Internet took synergy to a new level yesterday, possibly breaking the space/time continuum in the process.

On the Thursday episode of As The World Turns, Katie put down in writing her feelings about having slept with Simon while married to Mike. (She put these feelings, foolishly, down in a file labeled Oakdale Confidential. Trust me, it won't end well).

ATWT airs on the East Coast at 2PM in most major markets. However, at nine AM, her essay was previewed on Katie's Amazon blog and promoted on the official PGP Classic Soaps blog as a spoiler sneak peek.

Which means that Katie's essay was posted on the Internet technically before she'd even written it (on air), to encourage viewers to tune in to watch her write on air an essay which had already been posted on the Internet.

Anyone else confused? I am, and I coordinated the whole thing!

NAME GAME

2006-11-09T04:29:00.000-08:00

Did Y&R's Lauren and Michael really name their son Fenemore? Fen, for short?

I get the whole mother's-maiden-name-as-first-name thing. I have a son named Adam, myself.

But, Fen? As in Phen-Phen? The banned diet drug?

Why not go with Nemo? (Look closely, it's in there). Not only is it literary (20000 Leagues Under the Sea), it gives you an easy birthday party theme for at least 5-6 years. Think practical, people!

For more on soap opera naming trends, click here.

A GOOD BEST FRIEND IS A DEAD BEST FRIEND

2006-11-06T04:41:00.000-08:00

On Friday night, the Oxygen network was airing Beaches, while a few channels over, on WE, we had A Message from Holly.

Lest you think they're the same movie, let me clarify: Beaches is the theatrical release featuring Bette Midler as the free-spirited actress who has to raise her straight-laced best friend's (Barbara Hershey) child when said best-friend dies. A Message from Holly is the made-for-TV movie where straight-laced Shelly Long has to raise her free-spirited artist best-friend's (Lindsay Wagner) child when said best friend dies.

So they're totally different. Except for that whole dead best friend thing.

Despite its morbidity, the above seems to be a very popular sub-genre of women's fiction.

In books we've got My Best Friend's Girl, Talk Before Sleep, and, of course, the original Beaches and its sequel. Heck, even in Gone With The Wind, a dying Melanie asks Scarlett to look out for her little Beau.

Seeing how frequently Beaches makes the list of Top 10 chick flicks, I've always been surprised that soaps, the ultimate women's genre, haven't given the tale a whirl.

Sure, GH kind of tried when Monica adopted Paige's orphaned daughter, Emily. But Monica and Paige's friendship was rather forced (they met when Paige was already sick), not the lifelong saga these things usually require. (A more interesting dynamic might have been Lois and Brenda, who were actual friends before the dying kicked in). The same with Carly agreeing to help raise Courtney's baby recently. That story was more about baby John's/Spencer's paternity, then about the women friends involved.

Guiding Light came closer when Rick, on his presumed death-bed, asked lifelong friend, Phillip, to look out for Jude. But Rick and Phillip are guys. And then Rick didn't die, after all.

As poor Jennifer expired over on As the World Turns, she had tear-jerking good-bys with her husband, her parents, siblings, and baby Johnny. But where was her best-friend? Oops, Jen didn't have one.

Considering how important friends are to most women's lives, and how these relationships often outlast romantic and family ties, I'm surprised by the short shrift they get on soaps.

Would a story focusing on female friendship -- culminating with death or not -- appeal to you as a viewer?

CAVEAT EMPTOR

2006-11-02T07:17:00.000-08:00

About ten years ago, friends of my parents who had children a few years younger than me would regularly send said children to me so I could dissuade them from going into show business/writing/production by relating tales of my own struggles in those fields.

I did tell them how hard working in the entertainment industry was. But I also told them how much fun it was. Basically, you get to play pretend all day, hang out with attractive and witty people, go to nicely catered parties in the evenings and travel to exotic locations. (In the midst of all that, you do get letters and e-mails from total strangers telling you how much you and your work suck, but then there are more parties).

Fast-forward a decade, and the same parents have given up on having me talk their children out of impractical careers, and now send the same children to me so I can tell them how great having kids is.

And I do tell them how great having kids is. And then I tell then that if they're even a little ambivalent about it, they shouldn't have them. The fact is, raising children is arduous enough when you are 100 percent certain it's what you want and have wanted since you were in the cradle yourself. Anything less than that, and it becomes way, way too hard.

Obviously, motivational-speaking isn't in my future.

AND SO IT BEGINS... (AGAIN)

2006-10-31T07:35:00.000-08:00

On yesterday's (Monday's) air-show, Lucinda urged Katie to write a sequel to her mega-best-selling novel, Oakdale Confidential. Katie wasn't sure if she should, but Mike urged her to go ahead, telling her how proud their kids will be of having a famous writer for a mother. (Actually, they'll probably think its normal. My then five year old once asked a playmate at Barnes & Noble, "So which of these books did your mommy write?")

The question now is, will Katie be able to think of what to write, write it, send it in for editing, make the requested changes, brain-storm a new cover design, proof the copy-edited manuscript, see it printed, shipped to warehouses nation-wide and placed on the store shelves by November 14, 2006 (a.k.a. two weeks from now)?

The answer to that nail-biter, here.

What can I say? The girl is good.

BORN TO BE WILD

2006-10-30T06:24:00.000-08:00

For (well, it seems like ever) married people (especially with children) have been considered by cool cat society at large as boring, traditional, conservative, bourgeois.

It's the single, the living together, the footloose and Sex in the City free who were hip, with-it, adventurous, open-minded and edgy.

Now comes a report from the Census bureau:

"...That 49.7 percent, or 55.2 million, of the nation's 111.1 million households in 2005 were made up of married couples--with and without children--just shy of a majority and down from more than 52 percent five years earlier."

So I guess it's the single people who are now living the boring, predictable, everyone-is-doing-it-so-I-might-as-well-get-on-board, traditional, don't-want-to-take-any-chances-and-risk-people-judging-me lifestyle, and married people who are bucking trends, taking a risk, embarking into uncharted country and living on the edge.

I'm a counter-culturalist.

Who knew?

I NO THINK THAT WORD MEANS WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS (Part #3)

2006-10-27T07:11:00.000-07:00

For reasons I've confessed before, I have a vested interest in seeking out movies and television shows about mixed relationships, especially kiddie fare that paints those relationships in a positive light.

So I was looking forward to seeing Shrek, which positioned itself as a tale of two different species, green ogre and beautiful, human-type princess, overcoming the odds and being together.

That was the theory. In practice, Shrek proved to be yet another "I no think that word means what you think it means" film in that it was the tale of an ogre who overcomes the odds and marries... another ogre.

Princess Fiona's big secret is that she turns into an ogre at night. Which means rather than being the story of two different creatures falling in love, it is the story of two identical creatures falling in love.

In other words, the exact opposite of the story the filmmakers thought they were telling.

Again.

BOOK LEARNIN'

2006-10-25T04:33:00.000-07:00

My husband is African-American. He also has a nuclear engineering degree from MIT. As a result, he has spent most of his life pretty confident of being the most educated person among any group of people he's with.

The first year we were married, we hosted a Passover Seder. A friend was explaining how, "School wasn't for me. I only got a Bachelor's."

In response to my husband's quizzical expression, she helpfully explained, "You're among Jews, now."

This weekend we went to a wedding. We were seated at a table with two other young, married couples. On the left of us, the wife had just gotten her Ph.D. Next to her was her MD husband. On the right of us was a recently out of residency MD. With his wife who had a Master's.

(I have a Master's myself, but my husband is kind of used to that by now).

He looked to the left. He looked to the right. He told me, "I think I'm beginning to understand. I guess school just wasn't for me..."

We tried not to use any big words he might not be familiar with.

WIN A CHAT WITH THE AUTHOR OF OAKDALE CONFIDENTIAL!

2006-10-23T13:26:00.000-07:00

Who isn't me.

In another one of those wonderful real-life/fiction blurs that make my job so much fun (really; I love the postmodernism of it all), book club readers of Oakdale Confidential can win a half hour chat with the author -- Katie Peretti.

Now, Katie Peretti is the lead author on Oakdale Confidential. She also... uhm... doesn't exist. Who does exist is Terri Colombino, the actress who plays Katie. (Few people remember that the catch-phrase, "I'm not a doctor but I play one on TV," actually originated when Chris Robinson, who played Dr. Rick Webber on General Hospital started pitching cough syrup. Of course, then he went to jail for tax fraud and lost that gig. But I digress).

So the book club that wins the chat will be talking to Terri, who plays Katie, who, on-air, wrote the book that I wrote off-air.

America. What a country....

I NO THINK THAT WORD MEANS WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS (part #2)

2006-10-17T05:04:00.000-07:00

Dead Poets Society is a movie about a teacher teaching his students how to think for themselves. By telling them to do everything he says.

"Think for yourselves," Robin Williams instructs his little fresh-faced preppies. "For instance, people who think for themselves go to caves and read poetry."

So off the minions tramp to caves to read poetry.

"People who think for themselves defy their parents."

Time to defy Daddy and sign up for the school play!

"People who think for themselves do delightfully wacky and spontaneous things."

Wait, Boy Who Gets Phone Call from God in the middle of Assembly. I did not deem a phone call from God acceptably wacky and spontaneous. So I will yell at you for it.

At the very end, when Robin Williams is forced to leave his job, Ethan Hawke demonstrates how much he has learned from this gibberish-spouting Mr. Chips by leaping upon his desk in a show of bravado, defiance and eccentricity... just like Robin Williams did when he first arrived in the classroom.

Yeah, those boys really learned how to think for themselves, didn't they....

I no think that word means what you think it means...

THE MOTHER OF ALL...

2006-10-13T04:29:00.000-07:00

ALIEN as ultimate parenting metaphor...

First, this bloody, oddly-shaped thing bursts out of your body whenever it darn well feel like it.

Then there's the period when you can hear its little feet scurrying and you can see it out of the corner of your eye, but its hard to catch.

Its after the cat, too.

Every time you turn around, its unexpectedly bigger.

The only thing to finally do is throw it out of the house to fend for itself and possibly reproduce with others.

Yes, this is what pregnant people think about in the middle of the night when they can't sleep....

NEW TIME RELIGION

2006-10-11T07:35:00.000-07:00

I was watching Monday's episode of "New Adventures of Old Christine," (I have two small children, I watch all TV on a minimum of 24 hour delay). Christine's ex-husband's new girlfriend was a church-goer, and they had taken Christine's son to church. Christine freaked.

And, in a world where everyone says there are no new stories under the soap-opera sun, it made me think: why haven't we ever seen a story of conflicting faiths on daytime?

I'm not talking about the periodic, half-hearted stab at interfaith romance (Rose and Jake on GH, Robin and Mike on DOOL -- where we learned that Jews only eat tuna-fish on Shabbat, a piece of information my brain still has trouble processing 20 years after the disturbing scene aired), but something more down-to-earth:

What happens to a couple when one half, for whatever reason, gets religion? How does that affect their relationship? Their child-rearing? Their day to day life?

I suppose the reason we have yet to see such a story on daytime is because, on daytime, everyone is vaguely religious, but not really. A Catholic priest (Father Ray; GL) may wander through the scene once in a while, and even share the obligatory Thorn Birds-romance (LOVING's Shana and Jim), or an Episcopalian minister may pop his nose in (Andrew; OLTL).

But, overall, the good people of daytime subscribe to a vague, nebulous Christianity, where Christmas is celebrated (but rarely Easter), babies are baptized non-denominationally and funerals and wedding are conducted by presumed reverends with assumed bibles in their hands.

What would the good Reverend Ruthledge, whose sermons used to take up entire episodes of GL seventy years ago, think?