Lebensansichten des Ana Moure

Ana Moure; doctor, am I a prophet?

2009-04-13T06:10:00.005-05:00

I don't even have my own "told you so" song and dance routine; frankly the situation is nothing to celebrate; but this is exactly the case where the common sense allowed anyone to see through the unintended consequences of the actions intended to target the public outrage with "huge Wall Street bonuses"

What Ana Moure wrote about AIG bonus cuts.

Two recent articles:

Exodus of Top Bankers - Bad News For The Taxpayer

about the Wall street brain drain and the top stars leaving the most established institutuions

Whoa, who could have predicted this?

Update

2009-04-08T13:34:00.004-05:00

Dear readers,

it was a privelege blogging for you; even now I still have a ton of totally irrelevant material on my hands dedicated to my flagship themes to keep the resource afloat, but I now feel like writing a totally different kind of book (I hope a better one).

For me blogging was a fantastic exercise in writing discipline.

So thanks again for visiting me, and I apologize for closing this publication. (you know, many glossy magazines had to close out in the current economic climate)

With best regards,
Wish me luck,
Ana Moure.

Sometimes I receive emails so interesting, I just have to share them.

2009-03-30T18:11:00.000-05:00

An economics professor at Texas Tech said he had never failed a single student before but had, once, failed an entire class. The class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer. The professor then said ok, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism. All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A.

After the first test the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. But, as the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too; so they studied little..

The second Test average was a D! No one was happy.

When the 3rd test rolled around the average was an F.

The scores never increased as bickering, blame, name calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for anyone else. All failed to their great surprise and the professor told them that socialism would ultimately fail because the harder it is to succeed the greater the reward but when a government takes all the reward away; no one will try or succeed.

An viable alternative to "We need to talk".

2009-03-29T10:16:00.001-05:00

I'm sure you've seen this clip a million times, but here it is again: Sarah Silverman breaks up with Jimmy Kimmel on Jimmy Kimmel's own show (NSFW).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLG3S5WzHig

Jimmy Kimmel's response:
1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PZNfOZXPJk - Matt Damon on Jimmy Kimmel Show
2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lcmNaXmjvs&feature=related - Ben Affleck

Saturday TV (mais biensur, FOX)

2009-03-28T15:46:00.005-05:00

My progressive opponents loved to refer to Great Britain as to an example of a country that can have socialized everything without any disasterous consequences for the economy. Before, I could only say "Just wait" and turn on a suspense-buikding soundtrack. Now I have this:

Or proceed with his Fox interview right away:

And on southparkstudios.com the new episode is oh so relevant!

Kisses, Ana Moure.

2009-03-28T13:05:00.000-05:00

Attn: Paul Smith ties and Gucci watches at ideeli

2009-03-28T10:26:00.003-05:00

click here to join

Ties for guys are like shoes for girls (you can never have enough), only more multifunctional.

Say a lady friend comes to visit you, then it's easy to make a gag out of a red Paul Smith tie, and tie her up using the navy printed, and the cute yellow one. Prices start at $45.

Also, today Gucci watches at ideeli start at $329

Brunette Pride Day

2009-03-28T10:15:00.000-05:00

"Blonde women are apparently dying their hair brown, in a bit to be taken more seriously in the office.

Following in the footsteps of Scarlett Johansson and Fergie, one in three female employees are now ditching their light-coloured locks, for a more demure shade.

This latest news comes as we face bleak job losses in the wake of the worldwide recession, and struggling companies across Britain are forced to make mass lay-offs.

In the survey commissioned by Superdrug, Dan Hadley said to the Daily Mail: "The current economic climate is obviously making women take more care with their appearance at work, even down to their hair colour.

"The study shows brunettes do seem to be taken more seriously in the work place which is causing a rise in fair headed women darkening their locks.

"It's incredible how changing your hair colour can alter people's perception of you as well as making you feel more confident too."

A large percentage of blondes also believe that their hair colour has held them back in the past and in the study 31% revealed that they had gone brunette to appear more intelligent in the office."

sources unknown

Friday Fun: Show off your fine art education.

2009-03-27T11:29:00.006-05:00

Now here is a fine quiz: tell the genius legendary Jackson Pollock's paintings from birds' doodies.
I'm pretty proud of my 100% true result, I guess I know birds' doodies very well.
Don't be scared that the test is in Russian, just choose radio buttons, 'Поллок' is Russian for Pollock 'Птицы' is Russian for Birds; '100%' is Russian for 100%.
If you are more into literature, try telling a machine-translated German texts from William Faulkner's prose. Here I wasn't as impressive as in telling birds' doodies, note to self: read more Faulkner.

Two answers.

2009-03-25T12:56:00.000-05:00

- Are you married?
- Sometimes.
(From the "Shampoo" movie)

- Ana, what's new?
- Google me.
(this is how all the cool kids should answer now)

My favorite charity (besides for More-Pradas-to-Ana Foundation)

2009-03-24T09:05:00.002-05:00

http://www.wholeplanetfoundation.org/

Whole Planet Foundation. provides microloans to women entrepreneurs in the 3rd world countries.An average loan size is $290; and just $200 buys some woman a cow - which is a really great value (and I love great values)! The foundation is founded by Whole Foods, 100% of our donations go to the women, because Whole Foods pays for all the expenses by itself; and it's really convenient to make a donation at the checkout when buying organic apples.

The best way to donate is by starting a chain: on some days Whole Foods gives cute bags to the donors. Instead of taking this bag, I ask to give it to the next customer, and the next customer makes a donation too, thus passing the bag down the line. Chain reactions are a really cool idea I borrowed from another woman who was doing this. So if anyone asks, all rights to the idea belong to one woman with a ponytail, an Ipod, Nike shorts, and MBT shoes who buys apples in my Whole Foods.

Btw, did you know that 100% of your Prada-to-Ana contributions go to buying more Prada for me?

Ana Moure on AIG bonus cuts.

2009-03-23T10:36:00.003-05:00

So what do I think about the 90% bonus cut?

First of all, let me tell you about the compensation system in the financial industry. In all the normal industries you work for a big salary, and if you were extra nice this year, then one day you receive a cute little Christmas bonus. This really is an add-on, a sweet touch to show how your employer cares for you and appreciates what you've been doing.

Now in the finance industry it's all different. The base salary is in low 6-figures andhardly covers a box for Prada shoes and the chewing gum. What buys the shoes, and what brings the food on the table is the bonus money.

When the times are good, and there is no liquidity squeeze, the fund returns and thus the bonuses are pretty good. The traders and the portfolio managers actually forget that they work in a very risky industry (by being susceptible to anchoring and linear approximation of recent history biases, - bacause they never passed a CFA exam!) - and take on $2mln mortgages and start to procreate non-stop. In 2007 investment banks were full of pregnant women, and all the male traders took off the job early to drive the baby to the playdate; and had dark circles around their eyes because the baby cried all night.

("Everybody says it's lifechanging but nobody says it sucks" - overheard from trader J.)

So, instead of cutting the bonuses, my proposal would be creating new compensation guidelines that solve the cognitive dissonance between the compensation structure and the fiduciary duty (link). I'm glad that the prudent management of the UBS read my Lebesansichten and has partially implemented my guidelines just one month later (link).

On the other hand, cutting bonuses 90% won't do it, because the salary is nada anyway, and the new baby wants baby food, - not just chewing gum, and the (new) wife wants the Prada shoebox to have Prada contents, - not to live in it. So if the financier has any talent, he will find the job somewhere outside of the nationalized financial institution. The only people left there would be idiots no prop shop would hire. And do you expect a fantastic turnaround from a nationalized institution full of idiots whom noone who wants to be profitable wants to hire?

The ladies who brunch.

2009-03-22T13:13:00.002-05:00

Do you brunch? I just did, to support my favorite charity (besides for Prada-Chanel-Hermes foundation, which I support each time I have an extra $5K to $50K; but you cannot do much for Prada with a $10 donation every now and then).

I had an omelette, a salad, lots of fruit and berries, and a french toast made of rolled crepes and covered in zabaglione and caramelized diced apples. I thought it was creme anglaise, but zabaglione is so much tastier!

I'm full.

Coming soon (a note to myself): my favorite charities.

Codex Seraphinianus

2009-03-22T11:07:00.002-05:00

In the 70-es an Italian architect Luigi Serafini wrote the book about 'Strange and Extraordinary Representations of Animals and Plants and Hellish Incarnations of Normal Items from the Annals of Naturalist/Unnaturalist Luigi Serafini', which is an encyclopedia of another world written on a language unknown to the mankind. Didn't we all do it when we were kids? Only I never published my books (and they weren't as cool either).

Here is one page from the book:

more scans
The whole book in pdf

I wanted it, but on Amazon CODEX SERAPHINIANUS is way too expensive :(

Changing seasons

2009-03-21T20:17:00.001-05:00

The winter is gone. I was kinda scared about my heating bill size with windows THAT big; - I didn't have to turn on the heat for a single day. Today, I switched on the AC to the max. I guess I'll have to live this way till the next winter, hope the AC is powerful enough...

In case you still don't quite understand how CMOs and bailouts work.

2009-03-21T11:57:00.000-05:00

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Berlin. In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later.

She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans). Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar. Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages.

Her sales volume increases massively. A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit. He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral. At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed.Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top- selling items.

One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager of the bank, (subsequently of course fired due to his negativity), decides that slowly the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar. However they cannot pay back the debts. Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy. DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95 %. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80 %. The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy; her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor. The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties.

The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the non- drinkers.

The source

“Finally” with Ana Moure: A long-awaited feminist initiative.

2009-03-20T09:31:00.006-05:00

Can you please enlighten me on a polite socially-appropriate way to say to a stranger: “Hello, a disgusting old man, I don’t even care about your marital status, for I cannot possibly have any sexual attraction to you”? What, you say there is no such way? Because to a woman you can certainly say “Hello Ma’am.” And the poor thing is left wondering “Why Ma’am, why not Miss? Is this my hair? Is this my dress? Is this my Bugatti? Is this Texas?”

(A little tip: when you are riding a Bugatti, you are always a “Miss”, which means “I would do any favors, including sexual, to whoever owns this car, if she lets me drive.”)

Hooray, the European Parliament got a proposal to ban the words “Madam”, “Mademoiselle”, “Signora”, “Signorina” etc, as offensive to women!

Indeed, I always found it unfair that when you address a male, neither “Sir” no “Mister” imply anything about his age or marital status, while I’m always bombarded with insults both on the phone with customer service, and when the men won’t talk about anything until you answer their “Miss or Missis?” question. (Translation: “Do you belong to someone, or is there a possibility that I can own you?”.)

Two things I know are:

1. When someone addresses me as “Ma’am” - it means I should never ever wear this fugly hairstyle again (and losing 10 lbs wouldn’t hurt either). I would never call a human being that did me no wrong “Ma’am”, unless he/she insists.

2. When a store clerk of a jewelry department addresses me as “Beautiful Young Miss” - this means that he/she thinks that I, or my husband, or my Sugar Daddy is filthy rich, and is picturing a huge commission in his/her head. I think I should reward good behavior with huge commission. On the other hand, if the salesperson says an M-word, I don’t even care if he/she is being rude or just plain silly, I will make sure the commission goes to somebody else, even if this means going to a different store.

Btw, if somebody wants to be respectful, I like “Ana”, “Anya”, “Ana Moure”, "My Lady", “Your Impeccable Perfectness”, “Charming, beautiful, sophisticated, and modest Miss Moure”, and “Yes, Sir”.

Things I’m okay with are “Hey, Lady” and “Miss” (I’m aware that, coming from a straight man, this means “I find you plump and sexually attractive enough; if I could, I’d do you”, - which is not that respectful, but still beats “Ma’am”)

“Dr. Moure” would have been great, but I never finished my PhD.

Besides for my first question,

- Ladies, how do you prefer being addressed, and which words do you absolutely hate?

- Gentlemen, how do you find polite to address the strangers of an opposite sex?

(speak freely, for I’m not lobbying a law that demands a court-ordered public castration to anyone saying “Ma’am”… Yet. Though it’s tempting, and I loved spending time in Washington DC.)

The first edition of this text in Alexandria

PS: I had huge problems with the whole Miss/Missis thing, because in my opinion it emphasizes how marriage changes everything for a girl, - and nothing for a guy. The guy, whether before of after the wedding, is still "Mr. Adam Smith", - while the girl turns from "Miss Suzy Brown" into "Missis Adam Smith, property of Mr. Adam Smith, trespassers will be shot to death and then prosecuted to the full extent of the law."

From the comments I learnt that Mr. Wired suggested adding a "married/not-married" qualifier to the man's title, so that after the marriage "Mister Adam Smith" becomes "Misterer Adam Smith".

The only problem I have with it is it's still unfair: for a man "Missis or Miss Moure?" is a very important question, which gives him a valuable information "Is said Lady Moure damaged goods, and a property of some Mr. Moure who can shoot me, or can I try to get her drunk and damage her goods myself?". Let's give girls a similarly important insight into the man's quality, and let them know if they even want to be near his goods. And what do we care about? No, I'm not talking about the size, which as we all know doesn't matter, I'm talking about the disposable income!

My suggestions for men's titles: "Ehh. Smith" for a man with annual income below $250K; "Blah. Smith" if income is above $250K, but below $5M, and "Wwm. Smith" (pronounced "Wa-wa-woom Smith") for men with annual income over $5M.

The importance of having an avatar.

2009-03-18T08:56:00.004-05:00

Do you think a picture contributes a lot to the post? On one hand, it shouldn't. We are logical intellectual creatures, and we buy books and read magazines for their content, right? On the other hand, it so does! The humans need to check out the Barron's renderings, see the author's photo on a book's back cover, and meditate over those two square inches of a columnist picture in Forbes. This is how we understand if the article is worth reading. Is the author smart, - or is this a girl? If this is a girl, - how hot is she? More importantly, the avatars make the reader think while looking through the article. The thoughts are of an important question "Would I do her?". Or, for females: "Would I go on a date with him?" "If I was a les, would I do her?"

This is why having an avatar with a human face on it is so essential.

To answer your questions:

Steve Forbes - totally.
Alan Abelson - yes, with or without an avatar. I wish I could write such long funny phrases.
Michael Santoli - ewww.
Richards Lehman and David Dreman, - unlikely; maybe if I could invite both at a time, to make the date less boring.
Ken Fisher, - sure, he looks so much better and more Jewish in person!

- Ana, and if you were a guy?
- Certainly Marylin Cohen.
- But seriously?
- What, municipal bonds aren't sexy enough for you? Then, no doubt, Meryl Witmer! She's my only reason to read Barron's Roundtable!

Lebensansichten des Ana O'Moure.

2009-03-17T09:26:00.001-05:00

A short video to create the right mood:

Now to my favorite Irish Drinking Songs:

He wasn't strongly driven
Life to forsake for verse.
He couldn't (to help we'd striven)
Tell an iamb from its reverse

With a heidy-daidy-daidy-dah
With a heidy-deidi dah!

What, Puskin isn't Irish enough for you? Ok, let's try this

He threw down among them
A crumpled paper ball.
Elijah thirty two feet
Per sec is a com.

(With a heidy-daidy-daidy-dah
With a heidy-deidi dah!)

Not a bit. The ball bobbed
Unheeded on the wake of swells,
Floated under the bridgepiers.
Not such damn fools.

(With a heidy-daidy-daidy-dah
With a heidy-deidi dah!)

Also the day I threw that
Stale cake out of the Erin's
King picked it up in the wake
Fifty yard astern.

(With a heidy-daidy-daidy-dah
With a heidy-deidi dah!)

If you knows the end of this hoedown - good! Get yourself a piece of green apple pie, and I'm happy to sing in front of such an educated public.

"Ana, what the … is this?" - you ask? Tsk-tsk-tsk, it's the most critically acclaimed masterpiece of James Joyce, hoedowned by me without changing or omitting a single word. Ulysses is famous for his music of words. And I cannot think of a better music to go with it than a Traditional Irish Drinking Song!

Kisses to all Irish, (I know you aren't all stereotypical drunks, - neither are the Russians!)
Your Ana O'Moure.

Happy fishing!

2009-03-17T09:10:00.000-05:00

Continuing the Jubilee Series. Q&A with Ana Moure.

2009-03-16T08:56:00.009-05:00

Corr: Ana, when you started this blog - did you know you will become such a self-proclaimed international Internet celebrity?

A.M.: No, I just wanted a girlie blog to put my pictures and everyday activities on the web for easier reference. I had a blog with quite controversial articles in Russian, but I wanted to keep my anonymity there, so no pics were allowed. Besides, after discussing things in Russian CFA forums, I found out that it was much easier for me to write on finance-related topics in English, (I just didn't know all the correct Russian terms) and I wanted to have an outlet to put my non-work-related thoughts on finance and econ.

Corr: How did you discover your celebrity status?

A.M.: I installed a stats script right after I started blogging, - only because I love statistics and scripts so much. The biggest surprise was when I found I had actual readers. I had more and more of them every day, and suddenly I realized that I owe to the society to update this blog more frequently than every once in a while. After all, people go through all this trouble typing "http://anamoure.blogspot.com" in their browsers daily.

Corr: Can you describe the stages your blog went through?

A.M. My readers did enjoy my pictures, which I found flattering at first, and slightly disturbing later, when it started to look like they were enjoying them too much, not in a way a young lady's photos in business suits are supposed to be enjoyed. At that point I removed all my pictures, curious if people would keep on reading solely for the content.

According to my stats, a half of my readers stopped visiting me altogether. But you my dearest stayed, and I cannot be happier to have such a sophisticated intellectual audience of people who read!

South Park Season 13 Premiere "The Ring"

2009-03-15T15:33:00.010-05:00

Watch here, someone on the Internet says it's legal, - to learn of many dangers of putting a weiner in an American Woman's mouth from Eric Cartman himself. Also The Jonas Brothers explain why wearing the Purity Rings is so important.
Some quotes about The Purity Ring:
Butters: "A ring that says you'll be together but not have sex. Isn't that called a wedding ring?"

And a Happy Pi Day!

2009-03-14T13:50:00.002-05:00

3.14!

Or
3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510
58209749445923078164062862089986280348253421170679
82148086513282306647093844609550582231725359408128
48111745028410270193852110555964462294895493038196
44288109756659334461284756482337867831652712019091
45648566923460348610454326648213393607260249141273
72458700660631558817488152092096282925409171536436
78925903600113305305488204665213841469519415116094
33057270365759591953092186117381932611793105118548
07446237996274956735188575272489122793818301194912
98336733624406566430860213949463952247371907021798

to be more exact.

Or, if you really want to know the first million digits of Pi, you can go here .

PS: My St, Patrick post will be written on St. Pat Day, March 17th, because I missed the parade anyway.

Ana Moure admits she was wrong.

2009-03-13T20:57:00.010-05:00

After this post I expected all Google AdSence ads to be of a certain sort. Instead, they all offer multiple ways to charter a private jet. After checking them out, my reader A was surprised that companies rich enough to have Falcons 900 in their fleet still cannot afford to get themselves decent websites.

Still, I hope to receive some spammer comments in that post. Eventually. I'll just wait for 3 days.

PS: Argh! Google just suspended my account. Such a pity - I liked to see how those little ads changed each time Google thought it figured out what my glorious Lebensansichten was about. :( I'll miss those ads - won't you?

Playing hard To Get video - just too good not to be shared.

2009-03-13T17:07:00.000-05:00