The 'H' Stands for 'Harvey'

Healthcare Reform

2009-10-09T16:07:00.003-04:00

OK, there are a lot of arguments, a lot of jaded, politically motivated crap muddying the waters. My position is that we MUST get something in place, period. Then it can be tweaked. Social Security, Welfare, Medicare and Medicaid have all been altered, fixed, messed with over the years. Let's just get started for God's sake.

But in this forum, today, a note I received from an old high school friend. Her husband, in his upper 50s, with beautiful daughters and a great wife, has a heart that doesn't work anymore. He's been hooked up to an LVAD. If you're a Grey's Anatomy viewer, it's the machine Denny was hooked up to while he awaited a heart for transplant.

Here's the note my friend sent me yesterday:

Howdy Harv....that's how we talk out West. We may be in Ohio in a few weeks/months if ---- can get stabilized on his LVAD. Pretty sure we're going to Cleveland Clinic. My sister-in-law has a house in Aurora we can use.

I'm assuming that you and Dolli are in favor of sweeping health reform. I'm really finding out how bad our system is. We pay $1300/mo for health insurance and have a $5 million lifetime cap. Good so far or ---- would already be dead (this hospital would have never taken him without a comparable plan).

So even though we've been told we have one of the best plans around, there are no contracted Physical Therapy providers in Spokane (so no Cardiac Rehab) and our co-pays are running about $150/week for Clinics, meds, etc. That brings us to $1800/mo which is OK because his bills are over 200K so far.

We're lucky because we don't have to think about bankruptcy yet. Most people we've met in similar health positions have sold everything they can to make a dent in their bills. They are honorable people who don't want charity but are losing everything. Waiting room talk is all about money not about rest and healing. I want to go home! OK, I'll stop whining but this health care thing is so crucial. Spread the word! I've been reluctant to talk about it on FB since it's too public (and such a draaag) but maybe I should. May see you soon.......XOXOXOXO

So one story from one end of the spectrum. Then look at the stories of those with a broken ankle, a kid with some violent flu symptoms, cancer patients stuck coming on and off Cobra after losing their jobs with no one who will now insure them. Then what happens?

Please:

http://www.healthreform.gov/support.html

Twitter Musings

2009-08-07T15:03:00.010-04:00

A friend of mine, Catherine Ventura, wrote a lovely little blog for The Huffington Post. She alerted me to it in an e-mail in which she apologized for a guy she sent our way to look into sharing some of our NY office space flaking out by not showing up or returning calls after contacting us to display an interest.

First, her post, totally readable:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/catherine-ventura/the-day-my-twitter-boutiq_b_253620.html

The e-mail:

Sorry if 'Clifford' turned out to be a flake....
Hope you got someone for the space.

No worries, you tried to send us 'Clifford.' It just would have been nice if he had returned Dan's call when he decided to not show up. Oh well. people, right?

I loved your post. I was going to comment. But as each day passes I find myself closing in on, if not already embracing, my generation's version of my father's inability to figure out how to set the clock on his VCR. I find my learning curve is awful in the face of my 'artistic temperament,' or what very well might have been called ADD had that been a term in my day. My dad called it 'lazy,' of course.
So I sensed it too difficult to figure out how to subscribe to Huffington (I'm a Mac user. If a double click doesn't get me there, I'll likely either not go, or continue on and fuck something up), and will post my comment thusly:

I've found two real values in internet communication. First, in the broadest sense, it allows people to communicate without having to be in the room at the same time, and without having to have the discipline to find paper, pen, a stamp. It allows us to send off 'postcards' via quick connecting e-mails, conversations through IMs, and of course, the reality of The Jetsons, via Skype. Joy abounds!!

But it's greatest value, I think, has been the ability it gives us to rediscover the lost art of letter writing. I think this is an amazing gift. That said, I find with the advent of facebook, even I, with this literary clarity, have progressively less and less time allocated, less patience, and less desire to write lengthy tomes as a way to communicate. This is a real shame, because if I, a child of the 50's, thus spawn of the people who came of age in the 20's, am seeing this erode, then I have to believe that this 'gift' probably, outside the world of blogs (which is, I grant you, an important component here), isn't even recognized by most people, folks who are embracing a communications medium with a radical word limit.

So maybe I would approve, maybe I'd even sign up (might yet do so), if I didn't feel Twitter was the cyberworld's version of the continued attack (MTV established this on the tube a couple generations back) of the "Short Attention Span Theater." I'm not avoiding in protest. I think I'm avoiding as I can see what it might do to me, and I think I don't approve.Still, I'm glad you wrote the piece as it forced me to do all this thinking out loud, on your dime, and got me to write a letter, instead of stopping after the roughly 35 words it took to respond to your note about Darryl. Well done, Catherine.

Best

xo

As Relates to Loaded

2009-05-18T22:27:00.006-04:00

This follows a facebook conversation about this:

If art works, not just because it works, but because the observer passionately wants it to work, then yes. Then no? So yes it did and now it doesn't. If it doesn't endure is it still art? I'm not arguing IF it endures. If it becomes art to me because I so badly want it to be, then blink twice, twirl thrice and it no longer matters to me... was it art, did it stop being art, or did I (or it) stop being relevant?

When I was THAT age I wanted everything, anything, nothing, less... but I did so, developmentally having no choice in the matter, Passionately. Youth isn't wasted on the young. It's just a simple reality that the young guzzle gas.

So I'd be OK if I called today's music 'noise' or 'sissy pop' or simply worthless crap, as that would have me doing what my dad did before me and his before him. It's a matter of culture. But here's my version of looking back at Sinatra, or Mario Lanza - Joe Louis and Jack Dempsey, and saying I can't listen to them anymore, and those boxers were overachieving light heavies in a different era. I can revisit the first three Velvet Underground albums and find just wonderful things all over them... and by the way, I like a fair amount of what I hear today, even if I don't listen to as much anymore.

Two days ago, I hit the play button and was hoping for a wonderful, comfortable, not plaid shirt and got an uncomfortable, derivative denim shirt in a room where country rock geetar licks belonged not a whit, but lived on almost every track.

Doug Yule, is that you? Lou, was that you thinking you were normal and before you decided to be an iconic art star? You thought you had an album 'Loaded' with accessibility, didn't you?

I'll grant you, it was an album of process, Sweet Jane and Rock & Roll two enduring gems, but otherwise... not a good album.

Makes me a little sad... she ain't got nothin' at all.

CONCLUSION:

I have always professed that we are all the versions of ourselves. I'm not only the 50 something Harvey, but also contain the 19 year old Harvey as well (just missing some Pall Malls and about 60% of my energy and endurance). Point is, it ALL stays with us, so above was only a, perhaps, clumsy and too quickly thrown together way of saying :

"I bought 'Loaded' on CD at Time Traveler last week and anxiously threw it on, expecting to hear a wonderful, funny, smart, and evocative album from end to end, but heard two songs that did this and the rest was largely rubbish. How disappointing."

Fact is, it DID transform me back in the day, as a stand alone album and as part of what the Velvets meant to me overall, which was huge. So I had my time with it back in the 70s and am grateful. But after I-podding 'Sweet Jane' and 'Rock & Roll' I'm done with it.

OK then. Sorry. I'll try to be m0re articulate in the future. And I will, undoubtedly fail.

6 Degrees of Face

2009-05-16T15:27:00.008-04:00

So I just topped 300 Facebook friends. Some of them true friends, some of them friendly acquaintances through the biz I'm in, my reason for being on Facebook a hybrid of 'friendship' and 'networking.' But truly, friendships come from everywhere, or at least should, so such
distinctions should go by the wayside.

For example, I have a 'friend' in Herb Scannell. He's a serious player in the TV biz. Former President of Nickelodeon, where my ex worked and I produced a number of things, he's also a Tin Huey fan. We did work together, tangentially, on some Nick UpFronts, the most notable, the one he and I were totally in synch with as I produced Devo Unplugged onstage at the Waldorf, as "Los Devos."

But he and I, on Facebook, have talked about music and how, should I unearth my copy of that taped Devo performance, I'll burn him one and send it off. No bidness whatsoever.

In other cases, I'm an unabashed whore. I even got my wrist slapped, by the very service that even boasts the profile option of 'networking' for sending out announcements to all my pals, in and out of the business, to come see Gold Teleproductions' new website and reel, which we are, justifiably proud of. they shut down my ability to mail for a few hours as punishment. Boo.

http://www.goldtele.com

But the reason I'm writing this is because I randomly stumbled upon a phenomena. I have friends from all over. Yes, Ohio, where I live has a lot, but my school chums are spread across the country, my business associations are overwhelmingly in NY and LA. When I search a name, any name, even one attached to no one I know, pages open up where I can scroll down and almost every one of them has at least one friend we share!

Is 300 some sort of critical mass on Facebook that makes this like the you know who game?

Never felt more tribal in my life. Never had such a useless epiphany in my life either.

Just thought I'd share.

PS Since I published this, Dolli explained to me that Facebook is instinctive in the sense that it sorts, starting with number of shared friends, then location.
Thanks honey.

Next up for Dolli????

One (of 2 or 3) Reasons to Be

2009-04-29T09:45:00.003-04:00

A Facebook Moment

From Nic:

I have this album somewhere...this is why I own a theremin now...
Machines Lothar and the Hand People
Source: www.youtube.com

Harvey Gold

April 28 at 10:44pm

Dolli bought me a therimin for X-mas two or three years ago. She also got me a musical saw the same year. My, my.

Nicholas Lawson-Padia

April 28 at 10:50pm

I'm not at all musically inclined, so it's been fun terrorizing the cats, but it is hard to play. I mean, like a real tune. I have this idea of doing "Heroin" only changing the lyrics to "Theremin". You, my friend are partially responsible for my twisted take on tunes. I must thank you here and now. You have made an impact with your visionary talent. Bless you. Hope the shows with Ralph, et al. go well. My best. Nic.

Harvey Gold

Today at 9:34am

Well I hope 'you' is more of a collective reference. The longer I go on the more I can attribute much of the forward, or rather 'off to the side' musical leanings I have to years with Mark Price and Michael Aylward. My old roomie and Hueys roadie, Rick Peters with his ridiculous fake compositions and adoration of the Bonzo Dog Doo Da Band made a real difference. And finally my pal Jim Kauffman put a set of headphones on me one day and by the end of 'Sister Ray' nothing would ever be the same again.

That said, whether it was something always inside, or an acquired thing to go along with all my pop sensibilities may not matter... the main reason I did it all these years was, certainly, given what we did, with little to no expectations of rock stardom, for the occasional comment such as yours.

Thanks Nic. Kind words, indeed.

xo - h

Sling Blade

2009-04-17T17:44:00.001-04:00

"Y'ought not o' killed my little brother. He ought to had a chance to growed up. He would have fun sometime."

Quote of the Year

2009-03-16T23:52:00.001-04:00

From Paul Koestner:

"I experience chunks of nothingness every night, at least during those times when monsters aren't chasing me. There's nothing to it."

Talk Me Down

2009-03-05T12:39:00.011-05:00

... or Harvey rants his way through a 360 and will now need a nap while you berate him and his sissy logic!!!

OK , so I’ve been watching CNBC and MSNBC and tuning in (at least as much as I can stand, which is revealing a relatively low tolerance for the stuff) to get a feel for what’s going on with our economy.

Suddenly, I’m finding myself wondering about the Obama/ Democratic Party/Workingman-in-need approach to things.

I’ve been a lifelong Dem and have always believed that our tax dollars (even those couple of really good years where technically, I should have been a Republican) should be directed at entitlements for those not doing as well as us.

Obama wants to make sure the rich don’t get richer and the working Joe gets some relief. I couldn’t agree more. This POV is reflected in his taxation policy and appears to color (if not determine) everything we’re doing in the recovery packages.

So here’s where the terror sets in.

Anyone who watched ‘Network’ or read the novel could see some sense of inevitability when the big boss explains that everything in this world is determined by dollars, petro-dollars, pounds, yen, pesos, etc. etc. He is saying that global distinctions are no longer geographic or even cultural borders, but are defined by Exxon, GE, Sony… corporate entities, their fiefdoms and how they figure into the dynamic of things.

Now while of course, there are cultural issues that are overwhelming, and there are countries, and this is a bit of overstatement as to the inner workings of everything , let’s push in a bit here.

You give more money to the little guy and he pays off some debt, maybe buys a TV, and maybe the economy is stimulated.

But if you make allowances so businesses can operate more freely, there are jobs, benefits, and an economy. What I’m wondering (help me out folks) is if Ned Beatty’s speech in the movie wasn’t more right than wrong, that capitalism, a currency based world in fact, in full fruition in the 21st century, REQUIRES a recognition that corporations have to be able to act with a level of support, that the symbiotic relationship between business as an institution and the worker is, after all, only functional as a trickle down, with larger chunks of money hitting the top effectively keeping things running with a more singular sense of purpose far more than taking on the issue from the bottom up, where there’s little rhyme or reason… at least no structural or institutional controls other than the need to buy food, gasoline, heating and a roof over our heads, and many other ways to spend (or hoard) the money beyond that list serving little to no useful purpose to the economy at large.

Those of us who would be seen as liberal Democrats, off to the left hippies, have justifiably criticized the implementation of trickle down economics based on the idea that the corporations have been, in effect, answerable to no one, reflecting upper echelon personal greed, resulting in an unsupervised disaster. This is what we’re experiencing now.

I understand the pain that we’re all feeling right now as a result, and most certainly, justice, revenge, retribution for what has happened should all be on the plate, but here’s my question:

Does it appear that the system really has evolved (devolved?) to a place where the trickle down theory has actually been proven and the thing that’s wrong is how it’s been operated, not the institutional structure itself?

Is it likely that throwing money at a general population- one that is likely to hide it under their mattress and spend on the bare essentials as so many of us are out of work with NO income- is not going to right the economy?

Is it possible that with serious oversight, but stimulation – such as allowing, for a set period, corporations to bring offshore money and investments back into the states tax free for a time to allow for expansion and recovery, as it’s not being taxed now anyway…. again, with serious and unprecedented oversight, is more of an answer?

It has to be easier to enforce a discipline and a set of regulations on structured corporations than on a world full billions of individuals, in a 100+ different countries, with a 100 + different cultures, all with different agendas.

As I write this, I guess I’m seeing that the Obama administration is doing just that. Billions to corporations to keep them going, trying to regulate and go for transparency. I think, ultimately, the purpose of this rambling is to come to the realization that President Obama shouldn’t be crucified for doing what might be seen as ‘Republican’ things in his dealings with this problem, just as those of us who are supporters shouldn’t be shocked (though feel free to disapprove) when we come to see that he’s also not a Dove. He never, by the way, ever claimed to be.

It would be good, though to see some public floggings. No one can fault me for that!

I guess I talked myself down, kind of, but feel free to talk back.

First Real Funfest of '09

2009-01-25T00:05:00.014-05:00

We just spent 10 days in Florida folks. Sounds great, right? So my friends from up north call me a coddled AWOL son of a... and the Floridians affectionately blame me for the 60 or lower temps the whole time we're there.

I finally lost it and reminded the northerners (particularly my NY/NJ pals) that just 4 days before my departure, I shoveled just under 11 inches of snow out of my drive and found the temperature to be 0 degrees the morning I left. I mean, really, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? NOT GO OUT OF SOLIDARITY, YOU MISERABLE BITTER WRETCHES?

As for you Floridians, running around in your sweats, shivering, bitching and moaning about the possible frost that would mess up your beautiful flowers... well... YOU OWE ME!!! I didn't once wear my board shorts. I had to dig out MY hoodie, which was supposed to sit in a closet until we left. Apologies that are offered will be accepted.

So this morning we get up far too early, and make our way home.

Our oldest daughter Gayle, bearer of both our granddaughters, Elliott Rose, 4 years, and Frankie Jane, 2 months, picks us up in my car and drives us home to several inchesof the white stuff in the driveway. I grab a shovel and zap a path for Dolli (don't want to wreck the MBTs... though she DID have socks on, forcing her to look , from the ankles down, like a Birkenstocked schoolmarm), and took in all the luggage, computers, etc.

Dolli and Gayle decide to each grab a shovel (thanks to this year's visit to Lowes, we have 38 of them) and between the three of us, knock off the driveway in 15 minutes or less (small drive). While out front, Gayle grabs the paper from across the street, tosses it into the drive, I hand it to Dolli, she throws it in the house and... locks us out.

All cell phones and keys are in the house... and it's kind of chilly. I circle our old jernt and confirm the only unlocked window is behind a screen. So I tear the screen and muscle up what has always been a tough window wide enough for Gayle to slither in.

I get one of those green plastic yard 'end tables' from the back for her to boost up, and as she steps on it, she does a Three Stooges and steps right through the frozen (now completely shattered) booster.

So I do the school kid thing , lace my fingers, boost her up and in she goes, unlocks the door, and we resume shoveling.

We finish up and I get a mallet, managing to loosen, then lower, the window without shattering it. THAT might have been the big victory of the day.

.
That and then ME, of all people, later this evening picking the top 5 (out of 12) winners at Miss America, only erring by having the winner and the first runner up reversed. The new Miss America, btw. looks a lot like a brunette, taller, Lauren Ambrose (from '6 Feet Under' Fame). How weird.

OK not that spectacular, but that's the story.

I DID, however, while away, read Michael Chabon's "Gentemen of the Road" and found it to be delightful. He has written that most adventures occur in the effort to make it to some destination away from our home, and the trip back. Makes sense to me.
OK then. Now That's All Folks! 'nite.

NEWS

2008-12-18T22:43:00.003-05:00

OK, so I don;t have a lot to write about... at least in quantity, but there's one big one and we need to lift the mood of this site for a minute:

News Item #1: Frankie Jane Carter. Born 11/24/08 21" long 8lb. 13 oz. I am a Grampa times two now and thrilled by it.

News Item #2-infinity: Nothing as important as News Item #1.

More later. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Mark

2008-11-21T23:16:00.006-05:00

I want to be filled with joy...

- Joy over the years of strengthening Mark did with his life force so that it might rocket to the heavens.
- I want to be happy that Mark feels no more pain, that these last four years have brought him varying amounts of joy, music and love to go along with his suffering, suffering that's no more.

- I want to feel so very grateful for the years I managed to travel a path that involved Mark, to experience what was the most singular of experiences one could enjoy, that of Mark Richard Price.

- I want to remember with a smile the Tin Huey gig at which Mark played a riff so ridiculously complex, creative, and so remarkably uncalled for, that we all stopped playing, screamed, maybe threw a couple things at him, probably pushed or punched him, then resumed playing the song.

And I do... all the above.

And yet I'm so very, very sad for me, because my Mark isn't here anymore. For all the above and all the good spiritual events that may have taken place leading up to and since his earthly death, what I suffer is the inability to speak with him, to see him, to laugh with him, to actively, in a physical realm, love him.... this, of course, also includes yelling at him.

I'm sad for everyone else who no longer has access to Mark by picking up a phone or walking into his room, or getting on a plane, picking him up at the airport, or opening our door and seeing that smile only he had.

I'm so sad. So very, very sad... and so, my friends, is Swensons, and some lonely assed Galley Boys.

Any offerings , by request of Mark's brother Stephen, should be made to Hospice by the Bay up by his place in San Rafael , CA.

http://www.hospicebythebay.org

or direct to the contribution page:

https://www.hospicebythebay.org/Foundation/Contribute_Form.html

Golly kids.

Paul's on a Roll: A Political Message from Joe Sixpack

2008-10-16T20:45:00.006-04:00

JOE SIXPACK SITS IN FRONT OF A DRAPED AMERICAN FLAG, CRADLING A SIXPACK OF BUDWEISER. HIS BASEBALL CAP IS REVERSED AND HIS SHIRT ADVERTISES HIS ALLEGIENCE TO THE DETRIOT LIONS.

JOE

Hi, I’m Joe Sixpack, and given the choice of having to sit through a session of Face the Nation or tuning in to old reruns of Baywatch, I think you know where I’m keeping the plasma screen tuned.
But while I’m a big proponent of self-sedation, mostly to ease the pain of watching my Lions get their asses whupped every weekend, I can still spot a snow job when I see one.
So Sarah, you smiley-faced, suffix-clippin’, double-talkin’, muck-rakin’, commie-watchin’, earmarkin’, bridge-buildin’, caribou-filetin’, tax-rebatin’, gay toleratin’, soccer mommin’, prompter quotin’, bogus stat totin’, drill baby drillin’, snake oil sellin’, self-promotin’ maverick for the little guy… Thanks, but no thanks!

JOE POPS OPEN A CAN OF BUDWEISER AND TAKES A BIG GULP AS WE FADE TO GRAPHIC:

THIS BUDDY BOY’S FOR OBAMA

VOICE OVER: I’m Joe Sixpack, and I (BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRP) approve this message.

From my pal Paul

2008-10-12T23:24:00.008-04:00

Paul Koestner, a fine cinematographer and really neat cranky old bitch, also author of "On the Wind and a Prayer" a delightful saga about a man, woman, a boat, and a meatloaf, available through Amazon.com wrote me the following tonight:

Root, Root, Root for the Home Team

While I was in high school, we had some really good sports teams. For some reason, that was incredibly important to Catholics, as if a loving cup might vindicate the vainglorious promise of the Gospel according to Luke. Your cousin might be up on rape charges, but if he was an all-stater, your family had nothing to be ashamed of.

We had some lousy teams too. I know, because I was on one of them. There are a ton of sports programs occupied on any given day across the land, and it’s tough to field a winning team on each and every one of them. Even so, we Americans love our physical challenges, so bring it, Charlie. We got some smokin’ cheerleaders standing by to heal the wounds.

The thing is, regardless of the standing of the present team we’re supporting, the American story is always the same. We are the greatest, and everybody else is a pathetic, detritus-eating dog. Morale is the key to success, and it is no different in the political arena. In the midst of the most laughable team ever fielded by Republicans, the cheerleaders simply hike up their skirts all the higher, and scream all the louder: Your team sucks, and ours is the greatest.

Sarah Palin is so very special, because she’s somebody you’d normally expect to find on the sidelines doing splits that defy human anatomy, while all the boys who didn’t make the team are straining for a view of her Fruit of the Looms. Instead, old Johnny U has handed off the hallowed pigskin to the pompon gal, and we’re all watching to see if she takes it in for the T. She’s so damn inspirational there, with her indefatigable smile, that the refs have their twitchy hands peremptorily on their flags, while the golden gal side-steps her way past reasonable scrutiny, toward the hallowed hash marks of democracy. Sweet Jesus, she might just score! Somebody dress my consolation wiener before the whistle blows.

Recently, Sarah has been looking for a strategic block from Joe Sixpack. I’m wondering if she realizes that he’s under the bleachers trying to feel up the piccolo player before the halftime show. My suspicion is he’ll fall short of his mission, and end up finishing off that six-pack all by hisself.

After that, he’ll do what any red-blooded American boy would do. He’ll finish the job on his own, all the while swearing off any chick with a song-and-dance routine that promises him the stars, while delivering Jack Squat.

****

Well ranted, Paul!!!

To Senator McCain

2008-10-11T09:51:00.013-04:00

I'm not thrilled using this page as a bully pulpit to influence all my readers (Kirk, you out there?) on our political race, but again, along with a couple newspapers I sent a variation of this to, I feel a compelling need to say this

Please,

As a Democrat, I'll admit I've felt for years (much to my surprise and odd comfort) that if I had to have a Republican president, I could live with it being John McCain. My impression was that you were a fiscal conservative and, largely, moderate to liberal on many social issues.

But things are now getting out of hand. This election may be getting away from you based on what's going on with our economy but please, I beg you, don't continue this poorly veiled campaign of hate that has developed over the last couple weeks.

You know Barack Obama is not a member of Islam, and you know he has never 'consorted' with terrorists, and you know he's an American. The kind of campaigning you're doing now has Americans that support you HATING the man who might be the next President.

You say your life has been based on service to your country. Is this horribly divisive appeal that stirs up all the rage and frustration that lower income white America has, to the point that these rallys are producing 'mobs' that are yelling that Barack Obama should be killed, what you see as service?

Is this what you want as your base, as your LEGACY?

I've seen interview after interview. So many of these people have no idea who Sarah Palin is, no real idea of you and your history, other than you were a P.O.W. They only 'know' that some guy with an Arabic name, as told by attractive Sarah and ads on TV, is some unpatriotic foreigner trying to steal their country.

You may say publicly "No, he's a good man" but your people are doing this constantly, and no one, for one minute, believes you're not aware of this.

Please stop.

** I posted this and then it occurred to me. This kind of hatred that your ads, your spinners, and your running mate are all fomenting is something powerful enough to cross the timeline of Nov. 4th or January '09 and continue on. In this sense, in that your campaign is actually aiming to encourage distrust and caste hatred of Sen. Obama, as these are not actual policy issues spoken about anymore, this could truly be something of a telegraphed treason, isn't it? Now is THAT what you call service to your nation, what you would call a legacy? Truly Senator, this is out of control and you may be the only one who can put his foot down and stop it.

So again, I beg you to do so.

Obama - Biden

2008-10-09T17:12:00.020-04:00

Dolli and I just got back from casting early ballots (NO Diebold Machines) I can't remember EVER getting tears in my eyes as i was about to fill in a ballot. But then I saw it there, with the oval waiting for me to check it in:

Barack Obama
Joe Biden

My throat tightened, my eyes teared. I've been waiting for this moment for a long time, a truly terrible 8 years, filled with frustration, humiliation, anger, resentment, you name it- whatever one feels when they are a dot living in a country that does bad things, to people in other lands and to their very own brothers and sisters, with seemingly no recourse, in a country founded on the principal that we shall absolutely have that very recourse.

As we waited for our ballots, we struck up a conversation with an older African American woman there with her husband, he a quiet, gentle, smiling man wearing a Soap Box Derby hat with a Wingfoot on it, for all you Akronites looking for a real symbol. She told us she had had a vision. The right vision. Given that she also, she told us, had a falling out with her son and HE ended up in the hospital, I'll go ahead and hope this good voodoo of hers is on the money

As we were leaving, we had a short conversation with one of the Democrat canvasers out in the parking lot past the line of demarcation for campaigning. I told the younger black man that this was the most important election of his life. "No," he responded," The most important election of my life was the one that got us into this horrible mess in the first place." Couldn't argue with that.

We then went to Obama Headquarters where we signed the board and rang the bell as early voters, receiving applause from the office. I offered, since I work from home, to drive people to the polls during early voting leading up to November 4th. Dolli signed up to take a day off work on election day to drive voters.

Things are bad and they are going to get worse. I like this man and truly wish THIS was not what his presidency was going to have to start out like. But then again, if I can believe a presidency can help us, elevate us, define us, which I do, then this is the man that we have to have . He's the guy that has a shot, if a shot is to be had.

Weird. What a stirring and scary day... and such a proud day to be an American.

PLEASE VOTE!

OK OK OK

2008-10-03T22:00:00.014-04:00

So I obviously need to build momentum here, and will therefore write a new blog posting now.

My interpretation of the debate last night:

Sarah Palin did well enough to raise the bar to the point that we dispensed with the dramedy sufficiently for her to simply lose the debate. Realistically (you all know the melody) who could ask for anything more?

Take 2:
I pretty much hate the foreign policies of both candidates, which make sense as I am becoming a quasi semi pseudo isolationist... today... which is why my Right Wing Libertarian Indie Pal Steve is so conflicted... he loves me so.

This, however, does not deter me from absolute loyalty to the Obama and Tyson ticket. God love Joe's smile!!

Volume 3:
As wonderful as "My Man Godfrey" is, "Life With Father".... isn't.

OK then...

Men's Size 4DD:
Go to http ://www.myspace.com/harveyinthehall and please listen to a sweet (Thanks Bruce & Rob) mix of "In a Very Good Place."

... and finally... Joe Torre ROCKS!!

I am filled with remorse and will NOT publish a pic of him in a Dodger uniform.

Epilogue #5:

Let's GET OUR HALLOWEEN ON PEOPLE!!!

And Now for Something Completely Different

2008-09-22T23:41:00.020-04:00

The above title comes, of course, from our pals in Monty Python via Dolli as she gets a big assist in this post. A little welcome comic relief as we all just need a breath here. The economy is as frightening as anything I've known in my lifetime, particularly with less than a decade's worth of retirement window to see a recovery in... the Great Depression started in '29, bottomed in '32 and didn't get back to the starting line until we'd moved into the 1950's ... and while both candidates routinely stretch the truth (which I find profoundly disappointing), one of them is just lying more and more every day, and I'm afraid with MSNBC and The Daily Show (and the Emmies) calling him on it, most of the American people are actually elsewhere. 60 Minutes? Even then, I'm not so sure.

So Dolli and I, in need of an All American throwback, wholesome, ice cream eating, show your age, 'let's go for a ride' Sunday, took off in our convertable Beetle with the Obama sticker and here's where we ended up ...
The guy on the bottom is me doing my impression of a middle aged white guy who managed to digest a hip-hop artist, or one of the members of 'Entourage' while fighting to victory in a Bratwurst eating contest. Scale note: I'm 6' tall.

Anyway, this is, in fact, not the world's largest Virgin Mary statue -- but it's the biggest damned one I've ever seen. We and a few of our closest friends, most of us still alive, have a shared admiration of Our Lady of Guadalupe. I'm assuming most in the same secular fashion as I-- though secretly hoping that it will be she and only she to greet us on the other side, take us to her bosom, carrying us through the turquoise and orange gates up to the great fiesta in the sky, all our loved ones , in colorful dress, waiting to share the sweetbreads from the celestial pinata with us.

This remarkable statue, surrounded by vast fields, a pond, some beautiful horses, and a stand of trees that tempts us sorely to return in about 3 weeks as the foliage continues to turn colors, was built by Ed and Pat Heinz, on whose farm, in Windsor, Ohio, it stands, "a testament," as written in Roadside America, " to faith and to liberal building laws."

Ed collected -as evidenced by the purchased memory plaques attached to every ball on the below described rosary, as well as every bench, chair, and a few items near or at the permanent Nativity Scene that sits in a chapel slightly larger than a premium sized shed from Home Depot -the $50,000 it would take to build Mary. Then Richard Hyslin, head of the art department at some small Texas college, agreed to donate his services for free. Until then, Hyslin's largest sculpture had apparently been a 15-foot tall King Kong for a miniature golf course, so this was his version of Bernstein's Mass... I guess.

The statue was dedicated on August 5, 1995. Our Lady is 33-feet tall, standing atop an angel and cement cloud, bringing her to 50 feet.

From Roadside America:

"Attached to the figure's back is something resembling the World's Largest Toaster Coil -- her holy radiance. It's made of metal, and during a violent thunderstorm in flat, northeastern Ohio, one requires unfaltering faith to linger for long.

"Mary faces east -- a shutterbug challenge in the late afternoon, even without the lightning strikes creeping towards her. The statue surface is decorated with thousands of tiny mosaic tiles, richly colored, reminding us of the happy Krishna giants in West Virginia," something Dolli and I have yet to see, but between this and our European Holiday tradition of hunting for relics (defined as Holy body parts and uncorrupted corpses... we do have fun between meals, no??), will probably add to our list of day trips.

In front of Our Lady is a pond, surrounded by a giant strand of white rosary beads (disguised as electric beach balls) and a full size carved Jesus reclining on what I thought was a lucite, but Dolli tells me she thinks it's a clear quartz cross.

The coolest thing is that she's there just because that's where Heinz was/is (gotta check into that). Truly a pilgrim's dream. We followed the directions and even then had to sort take a flier on a turn here and there. We pulled into the parking lot to find it populated by perhaps 30 of our Hispanic friends hanging around a pick up truck, a bus, and a cooler. This thing is set back so very far from the road, we had to park, and walk around a building before we could

a) see the wonders of the Porta Potty and

b) say "Oh... My... God!!"

This trip was rejuvenating. It gives us all hope that no matter what comes down the pipe, we, as a race (Ohioans) are so incredibly weird, twisted, and brilliantly capable of the craziest shit, that we're probably too impaired to even notice the implications when we all turn red and ruin the country... again (still). Thank goodness SHE's here.

We waved Adios with a smile to our Amigos as they did us. Ice cream on the way home. Yay!!!

Now what could be next for the intrepid travelers, hmmm?

PS. If you're here looking for some political pontificating, or even if you're not but are willing to do me the honor, please read the post below.

Thanks.

Obama v. McCain? Spy v. Spy? A view from my perch...

2008-09-17T16:03:00.009-04:00

This is the pretty much untruncated version of a "Letter to the Editor" I've been sending out to a number of papers. The short version will be printed in the next two weeks by the Mansfield (Ohio) News Journal. Mansfield sits in Ohio "Red" country.

To the Editor:

In a season where credentials, in one form or another, make a difference, let me first say that I am the son of Ike Gold, who retired as Secretary and Treasurer of The United Rubber, Cork, Linoleum, and Plastic Workers of America.

I grew up in Akron Ohio, lower-middle class, rising to what we just called “middle class”. My dad emigrated as a child from the Ukraine. Because of the Great Depression, he dropped out of West High weeks before graduation and worked with his dad in a scrap yard. He
later worked at The Akron Times Press, then finally landed a job in the rubber shops. He learned to weld, read blueprints, and became a skilled trades journeyman before becoming President of Firestone Local 7. In 1960, when I was 8, dad was elected to his job with the URW, offices in the old Buckeye Building at Mill and High streets.

I was raised going to meetings at the Local 7 Hall, around strikes and picket lines, learning about laws that had been passed to protect the rights of workers to form unions, how unions protected the worker from abuses, overwork, underpay, and safety issues in the workplace.

It was in this environment I learned that The Democratic Party is the party of the working man and woman. Now the Republicans are working so very hard to convince everyone THEY are the party of the working class. They would like us to believe that it’s not the REPUBLICANS who are most likely to raise the taxes of those who can afford it the least.

It’s not shocking that they’ve attempted to do this, but astonishing that it appears to be getting swallowed hook-line-and-sinker by many of our working brothers and sisters.

For a moment, forget the individual candidates. Forget your prejudices, your thoughts about their health, gender, age, race, appearances. Assume for a moment, probably correctly, that none of them are idiots.

I beg you, instead, to consider the platforms the candidates will carry forward when elected. The differences between the Democrats and Republicans are not tiny this time around.

The Democrats pledge to raise taxes on those earning $227,000 and above. As for the “middle class?” Our tax bills will be reduced- with the biggest benefits going to those with the lowest incomes.

Conversely, the Republican plan is to cut corporate taxes, the theory that it will stimulate big business and thus the overall economy, providing more jobs, more money, and more benefits for the majority. This is “trickle down” economics introduced in the Reagan administration by David Stockman, who resigned when it became clear that corporate America wasn’t going to do its part to make the deal work.

Today’s example: This is the worst economy we’ve had in decades, fueled on many levels by gas prices, while the oil companies show the biggest profits, by far, in their history. These profits aren’t providing us with more jobs or lowering out transportation bills.

Further, the next administration is facing the crippling debt we’ve acquired in the last 8 years. If the GOP is pledging to not raise taxes AND offer tax breaks to the rich, where is the money going to come from to pay down this enormous debt? Where’s the lie?

There are many issues to consider, but this one has been going on long enough. The lie that the Republicans represent the Working Joe needs to be done with. That’s what they’ve been saying for years, yet the only time the economy has truly thrived in the last 28 years was during the last 6 years of the Clinton administration when it not only dug us out of the Reagan/Bush Savings and Loan Bail Out crisis, but left the country, Social Security, and Medicare with a SURPLUS!

This Bush administration leaves us with the Freddie Mac, Fannie May, $200 billion dollar bailout. There was a bill in Congress to set up safeguards against this eventuality. Bush declared he’d veto it if passed. McCain voted against it. His Congressional record, btw, has consistently been to vote for de-regulation, exactly what brought us to where we are today (another 400+ drop in the market).

Wall Street is falling apart, and we have the largest National Debt in history, by far! Lehman Brothers , Merrill Lynch, AIG ($85 bill.) - all this on the Republican's watch.

Leave it to the big corporate bosses to take care of us? No! This is exactly why the broken and busted labor unions were formed in the first place!!

And let me make it clear that I’m aware that there have been times the unions have actually been more of a hindrance to their own members than a help. And yes, I know it was a Democratic president that supported NAFTA which, to be fair, was not a good idea, even in the best of times. Now things aren’t good, times have changed, there’s little to spread around… coming under the Republican's watch.

Please, I beg of everyone, don’t base your judgment on personality and thin rhetoric. Look past the War Hero; the African American; the woman as candidate. Vote based on whether you want to see the great majority- those of us who actually make up the engine that runs America, and our children- have a chance again for the first time in almost a decade.

Yes, this means voting, in this election, for Obama.

I Won't Blink

2008-09-14T00:30:00.003-04:00

Why I Married Dolli: Reason # 4,378

2008-09-04T19:15:00.005-04:00

dolli

In reference to VP candidate, Sarah Palin's speech last night:

"she's still scary...i'm scared of her...pageant queens are like dragons with fake eyelashes (as opposed to pit bulls with lipstick).
i don't know what i mean by that...i don't know where these things come from..."

Must See!

2008-09-02T14:26:00.018-04:00

So some of you, perhaps better identified as the one or two who have been checking in, may have noticed a trend on my part as of late, here and in my last two blog entries.

First, to those of you who are tuning in to read my blowhard jive, I thank you. Don’t get me wrong, Dolli is a great audience, but my only consistent one and, as she already tells me how incredibly smart, insightful and clever I am as part of a regular, therapeutic regimen, I still find myself needing just the tiniest bit more. With the constituency this blog maintains, I believe, “tiny” will be the operative word here.

While there is, to be sure, more to my life, some things are difficult to write about at length, in short, or in any way whatsoever that would, with my limited narrative skills, prove interesting… to me first and foremost, explaining my inability to entertain yet someone else with the claptrap of my day-to-day.

So over the last couple days I’ve found it fun to either share my joy over reading something great or viewing a film with some attributes, or doing you, dear reader point 5, a self serving service by warning you away from some perceived (I won’t say ‘crap’ as if you’ve already partaken and liked, my comment, implying you are a moron, whether right or wrong would be less than useful, friendship wise) less than perfect offering out there.

Sacrificing myself for the greater good, if you will.

So now: “My Man Godfrey” Holy crap! What a wonderful, mannered film with the coolest guy S. by S.E. of Cary Grant and the hottest broads (timely colloquial reference) on any block, at any time. This, of course, the 1936 version starring our hero, William Powell- which could start us raving about him and Myrna Loy as the incredibly cool, charming acerbic with a bourbon glass and a smoke in hand at all times, stars of "The Thin Man" - any man’s fantasy, even in black and white, Carol Lombard, and a pretty hot, though lesser known, Gail Patrick as Irene’s (Miss Lombard’s) big sis.

I don’t really need to go into the plot here. It’s a wonderful bit of pre-war Universal Studios whimsy, quality enough to be nominated for 6 Oscars, winning one for Alice Brady, playing the roll of family matriarch, Angelica Bullock.

I know some old 1937 B&W studio pic is as likely a Netflix destination for you as is, say, Toledo Ohio a vacation spot for a well deserved burn-out holiday in January, but if you see it running on AMC or TMC or just want to pick up a movie for a great escape, I couldn’t recommend it more. I have, personally, btw, seen it probably 6 times now.

Next up… or at least soon to come: ‘Life With Father.’ I’m on a roll!!

Yet another Brutal Yay

2008-09-01T10:05:00.011-04:00

'The Savages" as in the name, like ' The Tennenbaums.' Philip Seymour Hoffman, his worst always better than pretty much everyone else, and Laura Linney, a remarkably versatile actress, are touchingly lovely in this film about a brother and sister dealing with an estranged and dying father. This may not be an easy film if you've lost a parent or are at least middle aged yourself, thus advancing your very own march to the borders of oblivion.

If you're young and sensitive and intelligent, you'll appreciate this film, but perhaps it won't batter you as much . Let me be clear, this is not a great film. It's weak enough that you might not find yourself caring about the characters as much as you might, though they all will make you chuckle pretty regularly, and you will most definitley like them. The REAL story here, however, along with the wonderful acting of Hoffman and Linney, is Phillip Bosco as the dad. I worked with him on several occasions when he hosted film series' for Bravo back in the late 80's. A great guy, husband, father, Jersey feller who was and still is a totally accomplished stage actor.

In this low budget film, shot so that you feel cold throughout ... which is good (though weather continuity is a little dicey) as most of it takes place in Buffalo, his is a truly fine performance, period. Worth the amortized Netflix price to be sure.

Yays and Nays

2008-08-31T10:53:00.012-04:00

Yay:
"Feast of the Goat" by Mario Vargas Llosa. A pretty wonderful writer, a pretty savage book, not for the weak of heart or those looking for appropriately intellectual warm fuzzies... but one that has inspired me to do some reading up on Rafael Trujillo, dictator of The Dominican Republic.

Nay:
"Norbit" After working in the yard and doing some other assorted things, as Dolli and I were about to do yet something else, this appeared on my TV. Dolli (a Buchtel High Grad so something of a sista to start), I think, fascinated by Eddie Murphy as a fat bitch, me finding it interesting to watch Thandi Newton clearly follow her Director's orders, "Be cute and give me a ton of energy. Nothing but!," plus Eddie wearing pretty much the exact same make up he wore as an old Jew in 'Coming to America, ' this time being a Chinese character, along with my co-dependent approach to leisure time of "I'm With Her," we gave in to gravity and actually watched it. I'm sorry. Just wasn't myself. Truly a Godawful movie.

In the middle, but leaning heavily towards Nay:
"Semi Pro." OK, since "Ladies' Man" I'm always happy to see Tim Meadows. Will Farrell is a really funny guy with great timing. "Anchor Man" is a Top Ten, his role in "Old School" genius. In a slightly less stellar film, his character in "Zoolander" made me wonder if he's safe to be around in real life and his turn in an even lesser film, "Night at the Roxbury" was also pretty damned funny, creating something where there was mostly nothing. "Emilio!!!"

This one is sort of like "Blades of Glory," a really interesting character but not really good enough to make you want to cringe through the movie more than once. Not exactly the nominee for the AFI 10-worst-pieces-of -shit-you-were-stupid-enough-to-watch-thinking-it-was-one-of-those- so-bad- it's-good- and-how-bad-a-car-wreck-can-it-be-if-Chris-Walken-is-the-guy-wrecking-the car...list, like"Balls of Fury" here, but moving down that path...and the fact that they're kind of , sort of, stealing the deal from my favorite sports movie and Paul Newman's greatest role EVER : "SLAP SHOT"... pisses me off and now, that Ive thought about it, gets a resounding NAY!

My Summer Vacation

2008-08-19T00:03:00.007-04:00

OK, so I had this experience in Maine over July 4th weekend where this woman behind the counter in a store during a really busy period reacted to my asking if I’d done something wrong when she completely ignored my engaging “Hi!” and then, responding to the sign on the register asking for singles with “I think we’ll be able to pay you in all singles” with a mean spirited diatribe so filled with anti-tourista vitriol that all potentially clever and biting retorts from yours truly were jammed up my fat Ohio with a skunk stripe of Yankee fan ass as I fled, very sad and hurt and angry.

I had planned a really clever blog about it with catchphrases and pix and a likely out-of-blog experience to tell about, writing the store to complain. I mean, I worked retail in Woodstock NY, so I know what it’s like and blah, blah, blah… but I’d never blah, blah, blah…

But I had so much fun eating lobster and crab rolls, wild blueberry everything, playing mini-golf, petting a little shark, the annual Boothbay Rock Skipping Championships (likely seen on ‘The Ocho’)and hanging out with Dolli, Debbie and Eddie, an ex- wife I really like, her mom and a healthy dose of ‘Two and a Half Men,’ that the inspiration left me.
So no blog. Too bad. So much opportunity.

I might have gone on about how between June 21st and July 9th I drove 4000 miles in a car that I was assured very likely had no heat shield over the gas line recall problem, then upon my return I opened the mail to see the recall had actually come while we were gone. Ahhhh!! An angry rant about how Volkswagon put my family in danger!!! Lawsuits, high powered rifles, dusters , and the evening news, folks!!

But I became loggy from all that driving (and slotting in a mere 1000 miles in air travel over a 40 hr. period in the middle of all this), and we didn’t, after all, blow up or catch fire, the fix was done, the car really is a good, good car and VW does pay attention and fix things as they seem to present themselves and… being loggy and all, I didn’t blog about this either.

There was the Orthodox Bar Mitzvah in Detroit (and more driving) where my Shiksah wife and I had a great, great time! The saga of my recovering my long lost family, my brother and sister-in-law, their 5 kids and 13 (so far, many more to go) grandchildren. Such a tender, tragic, moving and hilarious saga… but so incredibly important to me and SUCH a story with so little time to write it.

Would I mention on the drive home that Dolli and I went back to our childhoods in the 50s. driving on country roads with no A/C, windows open, stopping at a flea market, a nature preserve, a photo op at a nuclear power plant, lunching on BBQ beef and malts from a custard stand near Cedar Point? Well yeah, if I were to blog it, I’d write it, of course!!!

Is there more, involving raccoons, ex-spouses, failed software loads, crazy assed negotiations with clients, new patios, non-gigs featuring electric bass trios, and spectacular weather?

Of course, but none of that is really writeworthy.

Here’s what’s writeworthy for any gentle reader who hasn’t seen or heard about this:

THE MARK PRICE FUND

Greetings,

Many of you know that Tin Huey bass player and lifelong friend Mark Price was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer that moved into his liver a few years ago. We held a wonderful benefit for him (as well as Huey Michael Aylward who had to have a heart valve repair done around that time), called the "Nicked-up Hueys Benefit."

Everyone turned out, manned- and womaned-up, played some extraordinary music and did really good work thanks to the organizing efforts of Bob Ethington. EVERYONE came, paid admission and contributed a lot to help Mark and Michael, in both money AND SPIRIT!!

Mark has survived this longer than his oncologist predicted, but has now gone through all 5 accepted protocols for the treatment of colon cancer, has been in and out of a study group for a new treatment that initially looked incredibly promising until his body said "no"...and now there's been new tumor growth as his tumor tracking numbers have gone on the rise.

Mark has embarked on an alternative protocol and we hope, of course, that he'll be one of those about whom we can tell the stories. Actually, the way HE can rant and roll, it will be a story HE'LL be telling us all about.

However, with all that said, Mark is in serious need of financial assistance. His will to work is there but he isn't in shape to sustain a 40 hour week. Previously, he had been receiving some financial assistance from his mother who, sadly, passed on a few months ago. And now, Mark is about to sell a bunch of gear he had acquired in the hopes of starting a new recording studio, but these are tough times and we know not what this will yield.

Some of Mark's friends in northern California are throwing a benefit for him in September. While another benefit in our small town would be great, the last one was coordinated weeks in advance and benefited from a Harmonic Convergence of sorts (The Black Keys were in town and at least 3 historic Akron bands were able to reunite) but time is of the essence! So, after talking with a few of you, as well as speaking with Mark, here's a plan:

THE MARK PRICE FUND

I have the number for an account Mark has here in Akron. I'm going to look into doing a Paypal link but am not sure if that's something Mark has to set up himself--which may yet happen , in which case I'll send you the info. But in the meantime, whatever you can send will greatly provide assistance to Mark: if you can send a lot, how wonderful!; if a little that can be managed every week or so, wonderful! Everything will help and be deeply appreciated.

Make your check out to Mark R. Price.
If you're local, call me, or send your donation to me at:
PO Box 13560
Fairlawn, Ohio 44334
and it will get deposited immediately;

or

send your check directly to Mark at
54 Mission Ave.
San Rafael, CA 94901

On behalf of Mark, I thank you with all my heart,
Harvey Gold
914-841-5457

What Was Lost is Found

2008-06-15T14:39:00.011-04:00

First, let's just get out of the box:

DOLLI FOUND OUR CAMERA!!!!

But First----

DOLLI LOST OUR CAMERA!!!

When you announce you've lost something, people always ask: "Where'd you lose it?" A great query. Makes me long for The Honeymooners, Ralph and Norton. I supposed sometimes it's OK if it's clear that we're early into the investigation... but of course... if we knew, we'd know, and we wouldn't in the first place have, etc. etc. (Red face/laugh track)

Also, after a lifetime of not being able to find the zipper on my own pants, in my tenure with Dolli, the walking, breathing, proof positive of the existence of the Chaos Theory of the Universe, I've become fabulous at finding things.
"Shit!"
"What?"
"I can't find my left eye, and I'm already 4 days late for work!"
At this point I put on my galoshes, playtex living gloves, wade in and immediately determine she placed her left eye under the slightly tipped baby bottle of Olay Eye Lifting serum in the "you've died and been condemned to hell" cosmetics/triage closet next to her morning launch pad/mad scientist, pass the instruments tray area formerly known as a sink.

In other words, I've gotten really, really good at this.

But this time, no luck.

We looked everywhere, we asked Liz if she had any recollection that might be useful. We asked Joe, who, typically, had a 2 word/3 syllable response that made us laugh really hard but put us in no compass direction we could detect. We asked at restaurants (even ones we hope to eat at one day) Dolli posted querries all over the known universe, even sending diplomatic pouches to Bancock and other ports far and wide.

I called the woman who provides the cleaning crew that comes once a month, thinking one of the girls might recall seeing it in what might be an odd place and putting it somewhere (other than in her cleavage) to get it out of the way in order to clean a surface, only to send everyone into a tizzy, our cleaning crew chief beside herself (I am her only client that provides doughnut holes), the owner of the company doing current criminal checks on all the girls.... pretty weird.

So we narrowed it down to only two possibilities. The first involved our two old schoolfriends, the husband and wife Methodist Minister team who have a church in Parma. No one would ever think such well modulated (well, HE is) people dedicated to the Word of God (did I mention it's in Parma, which would emphatically confirm they MUST be doing the Lord's work) would ever make any, much less the short list of reprobates that might steal this camera... but we DID show it to them and they DID really like it and they DO need this kind of instamatic quality as they ready to embark on their next CHURCH GROUP TRIP. And they have a great cover.
The second , and far more remote possibility was that Dolli dropped or left it somewhere, i.e. lost the camera.
Not having the balls to call our dear ministerial friends who shall not here be named (The Kuntz's) on the carpet for this, we chose to live the lie that it was simply and randomly lost and move on.

Part of moving on was grieving the loss of the memory card, which contained some heartwarming pix of our gravely ill Uncle Bob and others of Dolli's extended family , numbering around 947 (some of them over 9 feet tall) taken at a recent high school graduation party, so the pain wasn't the loss of the camera, but the memory card and the lost photos.

So this afternoon, Dolli was researching our next camera, and we were going to go out and get it somewhere as a means to get me out of the house on Father's Day. But first, we needed to call Dolli's dad and wish him happy returns of the day. As we spoke on speaker phone, my biz phone rang, my partner in NEW YORK calling me on a Sunday afternoon, suggesting I call our client for Monday IN NEW YORK, to find out if it would be OK to bring one of our NEW YORK based interns to a shoot at the NEW YORK City Ballet! Did I mention that may partner has our client's NEW YORK phone number... and I'm in Ohio, which isn't NEW YORK?

Anyway, as I was finishing up I hear the back screen door slam (I replaced a number of the pistons on the outer doors in the house with old fashioned, from my childhood, springs so that I could, in my own house, slam the door if I wanna), and a remarkably animated Dolli came bounding onto the living room with... you guessed it.

There's no punch line here. One of the activities we didn't place in our timeline investigation was going out with our 84 year old friend Goldie Eagle (yup... bet you wish YOUR name was...), a wonderful and fine woman. As an aside, I'm convinced that if you were to accuse HER of such an act, you'd be instantly transported to old Salem and find yourself at once on fire, pelted by stones and serving as a canvas for Burton the retarded guy next door and his really cool wood burning pen.

Well, we DID go out with her. When we do, upon reboarding the car to drive to dinner, Dolli moves into the back seat and Goldie the front. So while Dolli was on the phone with her folks, she had a vision. It was of her hand pulling open the pouch attached to the back of the passenger's seat, while the other hand dropped the camera in. Had it been lit properly, done in slo -mo and accompanied by some sort of Tangerine Dream type of electronica and involving a mysterious viscuous material, it could have qualified for a Michael Mannesque CSI Miami flashback moment.

But as it didn't include all those wondrous cinematic qualities, it was just Dolli remembering where she left the camera.

Thanks everyone, for staying in the room and/or on the phone as we repeatedly described exactly how we minute, by minute, did not find our camera over the last couple weeks.

Now smile real pretty.... and....!!!