Comedy Plus

Awww...Mondays #21

2009-07-13T00:10:00.000-07:00

This Week in Entrecard

2009-07-12T18:00:00.000-07:00

This is a great big thank you
for last weeks advertisers:

Middle of the Road

2009-07-12T00:10:00.000-07:00

This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book.

He's checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did lots of good in your life but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in."

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Well, there was this one time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a Biker Gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, that's what they were doing. There were about 50 of 'em torturing this chick.

Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron from my trunk and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Gang formed a circle all around me.

So I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone, you slime! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"

St. Peter, extremely impressed, says, "Really? Wow, when did all this happen?"

"Er.. about two minutes ago."

Oral Sex

2009-07-11T00:10:00.000-07:00

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there.. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little '0ral sex' will do the trick and bring her out of the coma.'

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened?' they cried.

The husband said, 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.'

NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND!

Hat tip: ♥Hubby♥

The Last Nickel

2009-07-10T00:10:00.000-07:00

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back.

The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?

'No,' the woman replied. I'm with the I.R.S.'

Hat tip: Joanne of Another Day in Paradise

Six Cool Awards

2009-07-09T18:00:00.000-07:00

On July 2nd PinkLady of Sheepish Thoughts gave me the Best Blog Award and the Lovely Blog Award. Thank you so very much PinkLady.

The rules for The Best Blog and A Lovely Blog Awards are:

To accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award and his/her blog link.
Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve discovered and think are great! Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

Here's PinkLady's picks:

Sandee of Comedy Plus
Mike of Rambling Stuff
Janet of Dolly's Daily Diary
Marzie of Mariuca's Perfume Gallery
Lady Java of Lady Java Life's Pages
Bingkee of I Love/Hate America
Dorothy of Womensselfesteem.com's Blog
Maitri of Maitri's Notes, Quotes & Flashing Thoughts...
UNIVISIONS
Angelika of Angelika
Blogger Rise
Harriet of I am Harriet
Tammi of Funnel Full of Soup
Kerrilee of Lazy Bear Blogs
Margie and Edna of Margie and Edna's Basement

On July 3rd Mary of Starlight Blog gave me the Neno Award. Thank you very much for this awesome award Mary.

The Neno Award is given to "those who love blogging and love to encourage friendships through blogging, and to help others seek the reasons why we all love blogging."

The rules:

Upload the image in your post
Mention the person that gives you the award with their blog link
Nominate your 5 blogs of choice with blog name and link
Leave comment on the recipients' posts to let them know.

Here's Mary's picks:

Coco of Art By Coco, who does incredible stained glass and decorative folk painting. She's also a team player who's always looking to support other artists.

Ivanhoe of From Ohio with Love. Her blog is warm and homey. The kind of place you just want spend time in.

Jaime Lyerly, of Art Making is a Journey. She's a talented artist who is incredibly active and has opened her arms to embrace the whole world.

Jennifer of Vanbeads, who is a wonderful jewelry designer and glass worker. I had the pleasure of meeting her at a local craft fair and she is every bit as personable and welcoming as her blog.

Sandee of Comedy Plus, who really does have a blog that's full of Comedy Plus. Her wit and storytelling is only surpassed by her warmth. If you need a smile, go visit her blog.

On July 6th Mommanator of Grannies Ramblings gave me the A Lovely Blog Award. Thank you Mommanator.

Here are the rules:

copy and paste the rules and pic with a link to the person who sent it to you
post a link to another blog you have recently discovered
leave a note for those you have recommended to receive the award
leave instructions for them.

Here's Mommanator's picks:

Chickens Scratch
Rambling Woods
Sandy's Main Blog
Shoebee's Happenings
Comedy Plus

On July 7th Kerrilee of Lazy Bear Blogs gave me the Best Blog Award and the Lovely Blog Award. Thank you so very much for thinking of me.

The rules:

To accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award and his/her blog link.
Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve discovered and think are great! Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

Here's Kerrilee's picks:

We live to tell God’s amazing Grace - I love a site that is boldly prepared to share the love of our Lord and Saviour

Masonmania.com - This song is a classic, you have to listen :-)

Betterspines.com - I love chiropractic, I wouldn’t be able to use my shoulder if it wasn’t for chiro

MovieMike - Who doesn’t love a good review of a movie, these reviews are well written and a must if you are looking for something to watch

John Hobbs health and fitness - I love sound information about health and these articles are well written and factual

Virtual Studio Technology - I’ll be honest I’ve got no idea about this stuff but this is my way of saying thank you for being a faithful Dropper :-)

Comedy Plus - If you have a sense of humor like mine you’ll enjoy this site

After Cancer, now what - What a powerful site, great communication for those afflicted by this disease

Guide to life for women - you need to read the article on sorting your pantry, how organised, that is what I need in my life - Question though - how do you get the kids to keep it that way?

Beaded Tails - How precious is this site

A Second Cup - It is just as the name implies, a good site to sit and read while indulging in that second cup

Cromely’s World - it’s good to see someone getting out there and getting their thoughts down on paper so to speak

Word Journey - Profound words straight from the heart of the Father

Look Around - this recipe sounds yummy, this site helps to get a bit of culture in our lives

Anything Goes with Pahn - I love this article, it’s pretty true, but I’m happily married so I don’t need to keep looking :-)

Again thank you all for all these wonderful awards. I'm not going to tag anyone, but if you want any or all of these great awards help yourself.

The Food Chain

2009-07-09T00:10:00.000-07:00

In the dead of summer, a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. It was a hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular: "Gosh, if I go down three inches, I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed."

There was a fish in the water, thinking, "Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him."

There was a bear on the shore, thinking, "Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches, that fish will jump for the fly and I will eat him."

It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich. "Gosh," he thought, "if that fly goes down three inches, and that fish leaps for it, that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish, at which point I'll shoot the bear and then have a proper trophy."

You think this is enough activity for one bank of one lake? There is more.

A wee mouse down by the hunter's foot was thinking, "Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches and that fish jumps for that fly, and that bear grabs for that fish, the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich."

A cat luking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, as was fashionable to do on the bank of this particular lake around lunch time, "Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches and that fish jumps for that fly and that bear grabs for that fish and that hunter shoots that bear, and the mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich then I can have mouse for lunch."

The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water.

The fish swallows the fly.

The bear grabs the fish.

The hunter shoots the bear.

The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich.

The cat jumps for the mouse.

The mouse ducks, and

The cat falls into the water and drowns.

The moral of this story is:

Whenever a fly goes down three inches, some pussy is probably in danger.

Stolen from: Hale McKay of It Occurred To Me

Happy 18th Birthday Sarah

2009-07-08T00:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a fun filled day for me, hubby, my son and both my granddaughters. Last month my oldest granddaughter Sarah graduated from high school. I shared that milestone with all of you. Yesterday was another milestone for Sarah as she turned 18 years old.

When she was 15 and getting ready for her learners permit hubby and I talked with our son about buying her a new car when she graduated from high school. We agreed that along with the graduation she had to be good and also get good grades. Graduation wasn't enough, Sarah agreed to those terms and she graduated from high school with a 3.83 GPA. Works for all of us. She did her part and now it was time for us to step up to the plate and do ours.

She had already picked out the kind of car she wanted, a Honda Civic LS Sport. She wanted it in black or white. She ended up with a dark gray. The other thing that she had to do was wait until her 18th birthday. She mentioned at lunch (after taking possession of her car) that the last month has taken a few years to pass. We have spent the last month securing the car she wanted, getting all the paperwork done (except for DMV) and the insurance done and ready for signature. Her signature.

Here's a slide show with just a few pictures of what she went through yesterday. The first picture of her and her father, if you look very close you will see her toddler picture between them. Grandpa and grandma are very proud of you Sarah.

We have one more granddaughter and the rules are going to be the same. I hope she gets a new car too.

Punishment

2009-07-07T00:10:00.000-07:00

A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having an intimate encounter with a beautiful young woman.

"What a ripoff," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."

Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

Awww...Mondays #20

2009-07-06T00:10:00.000-07:00

"AWWW MONDAYS" Participants

1. DrillerAA09
2. Grace
3. gpartha
4. anthonynorth
5. barb
6. K
7. PinkLady

8. Ivanhoe
9. Mike Golch
10. Sandy B
11. Lois Grebowski
12. Dawn (Twisted Sister)
13. Ana
14. Sherry

15. Free Dating Sites
16. Call center
17. The Mother
18. TorAa
19. RennyBA

Learn more about "AWWW MONDAYS" here.
View More "AWWW MONDAYS" Participants
Get The Code

This Week in Entrecard

2009-07-05T18:00:00.000-07:00

This is a great big thank you
for last weeks advertisers:

The Faith Healer

2009-07-05T00:10:00.000-07:00

Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room comparing notes on their various disorders.

"I want a baby more than anything in the world," said the first, "But I guess it is impossible."

"I used to feel just the same way," said the second. "But then everything changed. That's why I'm here. I'm going to have a baby in three months."

"You must tell me what you did."

"I went to a faith healer."

"But I've tried that. My husband and I went to one for nearly a year and it didn't help a bit."

The other woman smiled and whispered, "Try going alone, next time, dear."

Happy Independence Day America

2009-07-04T00:10:00.000-07:00

Two Cannibals

2009-07-03T00:10:00.000-07:00

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.

Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."

Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."

About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.

The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."

"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."

"Why not?" asked the son.

"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."

Men and Their Tools

2009-07-02T00:10:00.000-07:00

Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on one's enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.

Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.

Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.

Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.

Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in it's leather sheath and worn on a homeowner's belt to increase testosterone levels.

Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.

Halogen Light - A work light that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.

Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.

Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911.

Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-law's nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house.

Chainsaw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself.

More Awards!

2009-07-02T00:05:00.000-07:00

Kat of Candles, Crafts and Whatnot gave me the Best Blog award and the Lovely Blog award. Thank you so very much Kat. I so love my awards.

The rules:

To accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award and his/her blog link.
Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve discovered and think are great! Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

Here's Kat's picks:

Bing of Sheepish Thoughts
Janet of Dolly's Daily Diary
Harriet of I Am Harriet
Annie of Writers & Witches & Words, Oh My!
Sandee of Comedy Plus
Abie of The Sweet Life

Jackie of The Painted Veil
Abby of Simply Charming in SC
Kara of The Frugal Angel-Guided Psychic
The Women of Sited and Blogged
Miranda of Ghosting Miranda

Wanda of 1 Blog, 2 Sides
Yeo Kee Hui of Mutual Love
Tekla of Take a Coffee Break
Lainy of Lainy's Musings
Ms. Recipe of Ask Ms. Recipe
Tami of Sunflower Seeds

I pass these awards on to all of my regular readers. Participation is never mandatory.

Dictionary for Men - Part II

2009-07-01T00:10:00.000-07:00

"You know how bad my memory is." Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"Oh, don't fuss - I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"I can't find it." Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?" Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I heard you." Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"You know I could never love anyone else." Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific." Translated: "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."

Super Comments Award

2009-07-01T00:05:00.000-07:00

Diane of Good Mourning Glory gave me the Super Comments Award. She just made my day. Thank you so very much.

Here's what Diane said about this award:

I'm sending this out to some of my favorite commenters - all people I consider my friends, who always show me the comment love no matter what boring, five millionth photo of my kids or artwork, or silly ramble-y-ness I post. Thanks for always making me feel listened to!

Here's Diane's picks:

Mejis @ Did I Say That Outloud?
Thom @ Thom's Place 4 Well Whatever
Mimi @ Screaming Mimi
Dracenea @ Rabid Reflections
Drollgirl @ drollgirl

Sandee @ Comedy Plus
Joy @ joy to the blog
Halloween Spirit @ Orange And Black
blueviolet @ A Nut In A Nutshell

Here's a 'few' of my favorite "super comments" folks:

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) of Muffin53
Sarge Charlie of Sarge Charlie
Linda of Are We There Yet?
Gracie of Echoes of Grace
Tisha of CrAzY Working Mom

Joe of Crotchety Old Man Yells At Cars
Lois of Lowdown From Lois
Sandy of Traveling Bells
Katherine of Wading Through My Stream of Consciousness...
Speedy of Speedcat Hollydale Page

Ettarose of Sanity on Edge
Mike of Rambling Stuff
Colleen of Short Stories in the Making
Rhonda of Led Beside Still Waters
Hale McKay of It Occurred To Me

Diane of Good Mourning Glory
Barb of WillThink4Wine
Carol G of A Letter To Me
Pam of Finding Pam
Grace of Hugz Before You Go

Participation is never mandatory.

Top Entrecard Droppers in June

2009-06-30T19:00:00.000-07:00

A great big THANK YOU to my top 15 droppers for the month of June. I appreciate it very much.

Dictionary for Men - Part I

2009-06-30T00:10:00.001-07:00

"It's a guy thing." Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?" Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, Honey," or Dear." Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain." Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind." Translated: "That girl standing on the corner is a real babe."

"Take a break honey, you're working too hard." Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear." Translated: "Are you still talking?"

Best Follower Award

2009-06-30T00:05:00.000-07:00

Ettarose of Sanity on Edge and Descartes of If You Write It gave me the coveted Best Follower award. How cool is that? Way!

Here's what Ettarose said:

The best follower award. Yeah for me! Now I am supposed to give this to ten of my followers and put links and all that happy horse shit, but I think I will just give it to a couple of you that have been there even when I posted very little. Some of you have commented on almost every post and for that I am very thankful. Now THAT is a follower. Sandee of Comedy Plus. She absolutely rocks! I love you Sandee!

Here's Descartes picks:

Ami Harikoshi’s Quota-one of my first Twitter followers-I can’t read her blog most of the time, but I can look at the photos. She has been kind enough to re-tweet a number of deeply silly tweets.
Gossip [&] The Devil-another Tweeter bud of mine, gotta love that goth thing.
Lex’s Life-Last of my regular commenting Twitter peeps I could find a blog for. He knew what Slusho was, so he’s alright in my book.
Here and Now 4 Angel-one of my Entrecard blog buddies, a dark and interesting blog, with a hopeful message.
Rants, Thoughts, and Other Things-one of a handful of people who stop by everyday-it’s likely an Entrecard thing.
Comedy Plus-by far my best commenter, thanks for stopping by and saying something so often.
Molly Brogan, author-by far my most frequent Entrecard advertiser-sorry I don’t have more traffic to offer you.
Look Me In The Eye-John Elder Robison is another Twitter Follower, and I am guessing is about my most famous follower, well, outside of Yoko Ono anyway. He wrote one of my favorite reads and he has left the odd comment now and then, which is more than can be said for Yoko.
A Postcard a Day-as the title might suggest, this blog features postcards. I like the optimism of putting ‘a day’ in the blog’s name. Lots of great postcards.
Where The Walls Are Soft-more proof that water seeks its own level. Randomness on a lot of odd and interesting topics. I am always drawn to the little sliding puzzle in the corner. . .

A great big thank you to the both of you.

We Are The World Meme

2009-06-29T09:14:00.000-07:00

Mariuca of Mariuca's Perfume Gallery tagged me with the We Are The World Meme.

*Start Copy Here*

You do not have to be tagged to play along. The game is simple and so are the rules.

Copy from *Start Copy Here* through *End Copy Here*
Add your site(s) to the list. Just be sure to post at each site you add.
Tag as many bloggers as you like so the list keeps on growing.
Let me know your blog’s name and url by leaving me a comment HERE. I will add you to the master list.
Come back and copy the master list back to your site, often. This process will allow late-comers to get as much link benefit as the first ones in.

We Are The World Bloggers Master List:

1. Emila Yusof 2. The Other Side of Emila 3. Mariuca 4. Mariuca’s Perfume Gallery 5. Meow Diaries 11. Unlisted One 7. Spiff, the Spaceman 8. My Sweet Escape 9. Nota Nurul 10. Life’s Tapestry
11. Spontaneous Insignificancy 12. LadyJava 13. Miss Igorota 14. AnnyBoo 15. Yoon See 16. Jia’s Life 17. Nessa’s Mumblings 18. Also Mommy 19. The Walk of Life 20.Pretty Firefly 21. Untouchable EARTH 22. Baterya 23. Comedy Plus 24. Bain Cardin 25. Strawberry Milkshake 26. Turn-U-Off 27. Jom Heboh Di Sini 28. Notes by Marvic 29. Memoir Mez 30.Origena 31.Walking Newspaper 32. Nurul Aqilah 33. Bluedreamer 34. Breaking the Boundaries 35. Life According to Me 36. A Great Pleasure 37. Time Goes By 38. Kancing itu Butang 39. In my Kitchen 41. Fyzal’s Territory 40. Wiggy’s World 40. A Simple Life 41. A Taxi Ride 42. Single Life of Me 43. Little Bits of Info 44. Ode to Adrienne 45. KMP 46. Mommy’s Little Corner 47. Wondermom 48. Tom’s Place 4 Well Whatever 49. Empty Streets 50. Crafty Heart 51. Phat Wallet 52. AtheAthirahTaha 53. Phat Woman 54. Off The Top Of My Head 55. Simple Happy Life 56. Moore Blog Life 57. Twisted Sister 58. Fickleminded 59. Sweet Nothings 60. Fida Abbot 61.Business Matters 62.5577 Studio 63. Embrace Life 64.KuE 65. Mom’s Special Diary 66. Her and History 67. Survivor: The Reality of My Life 68. Anything under the Sun 69. My Careless Whispers 70.You’re next!

I tag everyone that wants to play.

Awww...Mondays #19

2009-06-29T00:10:00.000-07:00

"AWWW MONDAYS" Participants

1. Blog E Billah
2. DrillerAA09
3. Grace
4. Stacie
5. Mariuca
6. barb
7. youtube
8. anthonynorth
9. Ailurophile
10. Atina
11. Arv

12. Vodka Mom
13. Lois Grebowski
14. Empress Bee (of the High Sea)
15. Jack K.
16. Ivanhoe
17. Lynda
18. Stacie
19. ettarose
20. Bingo
21. Linda
22. Diane

23. resveratrol
24. Find Phone Number Owners
25. carol g
26. Anya
27. Jim
28. Jeni
29. Dawn james
30. who wouda thunk it??
31. Mike Golch
32. goyz

Learn more about "AWWW MONDAYS" here.
View More "AWWW MONDAYS" Participants
Get The Code

This Week in Entrecard

2009-06-28T18:00:00.000-07:00

This is a great big thank you
for last weeks advertisers:

Dictionary for Women - Part II

2009-06-28T00:10:00.000-07:00

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.