Word Dork

And she's baaack!

2010-01-06T14:54:00.001-08:00

Just an update for all you caring people who commented. I'm doing much better now. I'm excited for this quarter (Plant Breeding, Music Theory, and Senior Project) and doing much better now that I'm off the Seroquel.

One of the side effects of the Seroquel was a constant, mild headache. What with tapering off it, I woke up at 1:30 am with a splitting headache. It finally went away around 6am and luckily I didn't have to be up until 10am. Yay for priority registration!

I'm also still running (a REALLY slow jog, actually) about 3 times a week. My goal is to be able to run a 5k (3.2 miles?) straight without walking. I don't care how slow it takes me, but I'd like to be able to do it without walking. The program that I found is a slow, 10 week work up to 30 minutes of running. It's going really well which makes me happy.

Thanks to my family for putting up with Flat Mae during the holidays! I'm back to normal now!

Psychiatrist's Roulette

2010-01-05T19:01:00.001-08:00

So, maybe you've noticed it's been a little quiet around here lately. (And if you didn't, don't tell me, because it will make me sad that no one reads my blog. I was totally wrong in this post. I DO love comments!)

The reason for the aforementioned silence is due to a fun little game I like to call Psychiatrist's Roulette. Back in November I discovered that Abilify debilitated me with ADHD-like tendencies. (See here and here)

So in December we tried Seroquel. Blah. It made me very flat and uninterested in the world. (And nothing of interest in my life leads to no interesting posts!) So as of yesterday I'm off that and we'll see how long it takes to normalize again, whatever normal is for me.

Finding the right medication is very much like playing Russian Roulette. You never know what will work, and how it will effect you. But once you find something that works for you, Oh Happy Day!

It's just you and me, Burma

2009-12-23T22:54:00.000-08:00

So as I was researching the metric system for my previous post (gotta make sure I'm mocking the correct parties) I came across this handy map.

Apparently, the United States of America, Myanmar, and Liberia are the only three countries that have NOT adopted the metric system. (*So why did I only include Burma in my title?)

Now, I'm entirely a fan of metric. I hate having to remember fractions of inches. I'd rather just know that it's 10.3 cm, not 4 inches and somewhere between 1/16 and 1/8th of an inch.

And I've finally figured out an easy way to do kitchen conversions. I've learned that 1 tablespoon is 15mL and 1 teaspoon is 5 ml. Armed with that knowledge, I can make any sort of 1/4 tablespoon amount that my bread machine throws at me. (Because it always seems to call for weird amounts like 1/3 Tbsp. or 3/16 cup...)

I know it would be difficult to learn that when it's 45 degrees outside, you do NOT want a coat on, but I'm all for it. Let's metricize! Or metricate. Whatever.

What the house ended up looking like...

2009-12-22T22:41:00.000-08:00

I got several requests for what this ghastly gingerbread house ended up looking like. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself. And I can say so myself because I didn't have a hand in the decorating...just the engineering.

I also figured out why some of the pieces didn't fit together. Let's just say I was trying to copy NASA's "Mars Climate Orbiter" fiasco. Well, actually, no, I didn't. Let's blame it on my printer. That sounds like a good plan. I printed part of the template at 100% scale and then the other half at about 75% the size it was supposed to be.

Once I figured this out, I sat on my kitchen floor with a calculator, a ruler (metric, of course...who wants to work with 16th's of an inch, anyway?!), a pencil, and paper. Then I used ratios to draw to-scale templates for the pieces that were too small. It was actually fun. But utterly ridiculous that I ended up having to use a calculator to make a seemingly innocuous gingerbread house.

(Um, yeah, I do believe those are dismembered gingerbread men on the right there...)

"Peaches is in yogurt!"

2009-12-21T13:15:00.000-08:00

I got to hang out with Logan (who will be 3 on Wednesday) Saturday night and wished I had a recorder on hand to record everything he said.

While I was getting him ready for bed, I said, "Ok, let's get your PJ's on!"

He said, "These aren't Peaches. Peaches is in yogurt! These are jammies!"

I love that this kid can communicate so well!

Cutest Kitty contest

2009-12-17T10:47:00.000-08:00

Three new pictures!!!

Fritz (photo by Ejers)

Marsh (photo by Ejers)

Marsh and Fritz (photo by Ejers)

A little light reading...

(Please forgive my blatant abandonment of the apostrophe in my previous post's title...)

I wanted to invite others to post photos of their cutest kitties! It's a contest, but with no winners, just the fun, happy feeling you get from spotlighting your furry happy-maker! (Koira and other puppies invited...Can't exclude any family members, now can we?)

I call this the Hobbes

You can email me your photos and I'll post them (comment if you don't have my email) or post them on your blog and comment with a link. I'll keep a running link in this post.

Entries so far???

Vincent and Periwinkle! (Of course.)

"Oh, this is so embarrassing! He has to groom me NOW???"

Mousse! (Bock family)

"Pay attention to me!!!"

Dexter (Friend's 8 month old)

"I see STRING!"

Fritz (Ejers...I'm sure she can post a cuter picture...check out her blog for more cute pictures!)

Yawning for attention

My kitties cuter than your kitty!

2009-12-15T14:36:00.000-08:00

He makes me proud!

(That's Bedtime Bear, by the way...)

That's my name! Don't where it out!

2009-12-15T09:46:00.001-08:00

Yep, he's a genius...

2009-12-08T01:11:00.000-08:00

Have I mentioned that ALL five of my nieces and nephews are geniuses? And the cutest kids on the planet? (My cats happen to be cuter than yours, too...)

Ty is 3 years old and 8 months. He has learned some sight words from watching Briggs learn to read and from working (voluntarily) with Kate.

At Barnes and Noble on Thursday night, I overheard him say - not overly slow - "On. The. Go."

I turned around and sure enough, he'd read the sign over the travel mugs that said "On the Go".

I was amazed! It was totally out of context for him (ie: not in Green Eggs and Ham or similar fare that he expects to see those words in...) I love being able to see him learn to read. I remember the obsession I had with reading once I learned how to. I remember reading and guzzling in everything in sight, mostly road signs as I sat in the front seat while my mom taxied my older sisters around (and later taxied me around slavishly). I remember being in awe that I could read everything now.

It had been some time since I knew what writing looked like and knew there was some secret message. But to finally be able to intercept that message myself was amazing, even if it just said "Railroad Crossing".

It really is a sweet experience to be able to watch Ty learn to read. It brings back the magic I felt and relights the fire of magic in me. I am so thankful for reading and writing!!!

That's Mr. Odendron to you!

2009-12-08T00:57:00.000-08:00

I actually recognize this plant on campus and wondered what it was called!

Today Ashlynn overheard me use the word Botany. She asked me what it was and I answered that it was the biology of plants. She then proceeded to ask me the funniest but also smartest question I've ever heard her ask.

"Is Phil Odendron a famous botanist?"

"What?!"

"Phil Odendron. Was he a famous botanist?"

I explained that Phil Odendron was not a person, but a plant, philodendron. But I also told her that I was amazed she was smart enough to have remembered the word.

I have no idea where she even heard the name philodendron. It's a common house plant but I'm not even sure what it looks like. So here's a photo I stole off the internet of Mr. Odendron. Hopefully it's correct! There are so many different types that none of them look alike. And a lot of plants that are really something else are called philodendron.

Philodendron hastatum

Go ahead and say it - I'm weird

2009-12-06T23:31:00.001-08:00

You're all going to be so sick of this photo with how many times I use it!

My anosmia, that is. I was at a friend's house last night and her roommate learned that I couldn't smell anything. She exclaimed, "That's really weird!" Slow thinker that I am, I responded to a previous question, "Yeah, thanks a lot."

The roommate apologized for calling me weird and I realized she thought I had been talking to her and was offended. I quickly cleared up that misunderstanding and laughingly told her I knew I was weird.

So feel free to find my anosmia weird. I don't mind! It's what makes me unique. I don't feel badly that I'm missing anything since I've never had it. So laugh away!

Laugh with me!

Gingerbread Houses

2009-12-05T20:14:00.000-08:00

(What my house is supposed to look like)

Tonight I made my fourth batch of gingerbread dough. Tonight, I attempted to put together my very first real gingerbread house. It did not go well. We finally gave it up as a bad job and decided to let the engineers build it on Monday night.

Once I figured out which recipe to use, and how exactly to prepare the recipe (it took 3 tries to get it right, hence tonight being the fourth batch) the dough was fairly simple. Even rolling out the dough on tin foil was genius because then it can be easily transferred to the baking sheet.

It's the putting it together once it comes out that's the difficult part. Because of course, those pieces ever fully line up flat and plumb. And of course I had to find the most difficult house design template there is (Victorian).

But here is the recipe for perfect, tasty, gingerbread men and houses! Follow the directions exactly and it will work nicely. I have put my own tips in orange so it doesn't seem like I'm plagiarizing the recipe I got from here. Then there is the icing/glue recipe.

Loreta’s Favorite Gingerbread Dough

5 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons ginger
2 teaspoons cinnamon
1 teaspoon nutmeg
1 teaspoon cloves
1 cup shortening
1 cup sugar
1 ¼ cups molasses
2 eggs, beaten

In large saucepan, melt shortening on stove over low heat. While shortening is melting, in a separate bowl stir together flour, salt and spices (if using for cookies, add 1 tsp. baking soda). (I measure the flour and dry stuff directly into my Kitchenaid and let it mix on 1 or 2 for a few minutes while I'm waiting for the shortening to melt.) When shortening is half melted, remove from heat and continue to stir until completely melted. Add sugar, molasses and beaten eggs. (Add the sugar and molasses to the fully melted shortening. Once it is well mixed, quickly at the eggs and then quickly add the whole wet mixture to the flour mixture. The eggs really will cook if you don't do this right away, like within seconds.) Mix well and quickly (to prevent eggs from cooking). Add molasses mixture to flour mixture. Mix well. Dough will be soft. Cover and refrigerate until firm enough to handle.

When dough is firm enough to handle, remove from refrigerator and let sit until room temperature (about an hour). Preheat oven to 350 degrees. (This whole step seems assanine to me. I just reefer it for about 30 minutes and the texture is perfect and can be handled right away.)

To prevent aluminum foil from slipping, wipe counter with wet sponge then smooth aluminum foil over damp counter. This will prevent the foil from slipping while dough is being rolled out. (This step is genius! It really works like glue to keep the foil from slipping! If it doesn't appear to work, get the counter wetter.)

Working with a small handful of dough (about the size of a baseball), roll dough onto aluminum foil that has been sprinkled with flour. (If you're making a large slab, start with a larger ball, like larger than a soft ball.) Sprinkle dough with flour to prevent dough from sticking to rolling-pin. (Also continually sprinkle rolling pin. All this extra flour never changes the consistency of the dough so you're safe.)

IF DOUGH IS TOO STIFF, MICROWAVE FOR 10-15 SECONDS TO SOFTEN THE DOUGH.
Roll dough to about 1/8” thickness. Place gingerbread house pattern pieces onto dough and cut-out dough pieces (don't forget to cut out windows). A pizza cutter works great for cutting out walls and roof sections. (Don't cut out shapes too close to each other or else you'll have a heck of a time removing the dough from between the pieces.) Remove excess dough pieces. Lift entire piece of foil and place on large cookie sheet. (Also a genius step. A spatula just squishes and distorts the cut out shapes. Just lift the tinfoil and you're golden!)

Place cookie sheet in oven. Check frequently to prevent burning. Bake until golden brown. Large pieces may bake as long as 14 minutes. Smaller pieces might take 6 – 7 minutes. Unused dough may be wrapped in plastic and refrigerated for up to 2 weeks (bring to room temperature and knead briefly to use again). To prevent from sagging, I bake my roof sections until dark brown, almost burnt.

(And this is where my "expertise" ends...)

When dough pieces are done baking, remove baking sheet from oven. Quickly lift foil from baking sheet and place on a flat area for gingerbread pieces to cool. If pieces have distorted while baking, while still warm, run knife or pizza cutter along sides of walls/roof sections to create a straight edge. If pieces have curled up during baking, while still warm, gently push edges down to lay flat.

With gingerbread pieces still on the foil, let cool overnight. Next day – gently peel foil off of gingerbread pieces. You are now ready to assemble, or add windows!

Royal Icing Using Egg Whites:

2 large egg whites

2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice

3 cups (330 grams) confectioners (powdered or icing) sugar, sifted

For Royal Icing with Egg Whites: In the bowl of your electric mixer (or with a hand mixer), beat the egg whites with the lemon juice. Add the sifted powdered sugar and beat on low speed until combined and smooth. The icing needs to be used immediately or transferred to an airtight container as royal icing hardens when exposed to air. Cover with plastic wrap when not in use.

(You can fill a ziplock bag with the icing, cut the corner off the bag and voila! You have a homemade, professional icing tool!)

I'm kind of sickened by this

2009-12-05T05:38:00.000-08:00

I was reading an article about Palin and her son, Trig, and was surprised - and unsettled - by several things said.

“She’s going out there as a pro-life woman to say that there’s great joy in special-needs kids — and that we shouldn’t be aborting them.” (Greg Mueller, whoever he is)

“She had the audacity in the eyes of the abortion rights world to actually have this child and then has the audacity to bring him along with her and feature him as a centrally valued person in their family.” (Marjorie Dannenfelser, president of the Susan B. Anthony List, which supports anti-abortion candidates.)

I think I was first struck by the idea that people even consider aborting disabled children. I'm strongly opposed to abortion and I guess I never thought of it as anything but a "good" way to get rid of embarrassing pregnancies when you're not married.

Then I was hit by the quote that apparently some people think disabled children are less a part of the family than healthy children.

The whole article left me uneasy for both sides. I'm a little worried that she's using her Down's child as publicity but happy that she at least appears to be behaving like his mother again, unlike during the presidential race. (How was that for judging a mother! I try to remind myself not to do that, but fail quite often.)

Mental Health Safety Nets

2009-12-04T10:48:00.000-08:00

I was recently talking to one of my sister's about my depression and anxiety. When I'm "in the muck", as one of my therapists called it, I don't recognize it usually. And on the rare occasions that I do notice that things are not right I am too overwhelmed to do anything about it. I either can't even think clearly enough to think of the steps necessary to get me functioning again and ask for help, or I am so overwhelmed that I can't even bear the thought of enacting them.

Which leads me to my point. It's incredibly important if you suffer from chronic mental health issues, such as I do, to see a therapist in good times. Especially in good times. I am currently in between therapists, but will be starting to see one again next quarter.

I recognize that when I'm not having anxiety troubles or depression, I am able to think rationally and clearly and learn new coping skills. If I've learned them well enough, I can then put them in place when I'm not doing well.

But if I haven't made these preparations before a depression or severe anxiety episodes starts, it takes me at least three weeks to start pulling myself out of the episode.

I'm reminded of the admonition that our Gospel gives us to be prepared for whatever life throws at you. And my testimony of this principle is strengthened by the witness I have had in my own life of being prepared for bouts of mental illness. If you have chronic mental health issues, see a therapist before it becomes an issue and starts interfering with work and your life. You'll be so glad you did!

Selling my body for a Christmas Tree

2009-12-03T21:17:00.000-08:00

I've become a Christmas Tree Whore.

Last night my friend said she gave blood and got a voucher for a free Christmas tree. Not having money, myself, for a Christmas tree this year, I thought, hey! I have always wanted to get back into donating blood and overcome my fear of it. I really believe in the institution and believe that I can have one bad day so someone else can have several good ones.

So I got up (around 6 this morning, incidentally) and got there right when they open. I got the last voucher and was excited! Plus, I was really doing it! Go Team Mae!

Well, let's skip ahead to when the bag was half-way full (or so I was told) when I suddenly felt light headed. I knew the feeling so I called out to the nurse next to me, "I'm feeling light headed and not doing well."

Well, I almost passed out (came thisclose but didn't actually lose vision) and then vomited a few times and felt immediately better, albeit weak and flushed.

They took excellent care of me and made sure I was strong enough before I left (two hours later...).

So, was it all worth it? You betcha! I got a tree!

And I've learned finally that donating blood just isn't for me. 50% of the attempts I've made to donate I've passed out. So I'll just be a motivator or cheerleader for those who do donate. Hey, I've heard that one pint of blood can save 3 people!

Donate BLOOD!

Another poem I understand

2009-12-02T01:47:00.000-08:00

There are only two poets that I really enjoy. Robert Service and Emily Dickinson. It must be a North American thing. Yes, I know that Service was British, but he's the King of the Yukon so we'll give him a poetical Green Card.

I've been enjoying Emily's disregard for perfect rhymes and I already loved Robert's perfect way of describing nature. (I will post "The Cremation of Sam McGee" some day.)

One of my favorite poems by him has a decidedly macabre tone, but it's an idea I've always thought and worried about. When I came across the poem, it immediately spoke to my concern for this subject. So hopefully, you can enjoy it as well as I do.

And no, this is by no means stating any opinion about pro or against war. But it has always reminded me of the scene in The Lord of the Rings where Strider calls on the army of the dead to help him fight. Yep, see, I'm anything but political. I'm an old bookist.

The March of the Dead

The cruel war was over — oh, the triumph was so sweet!
We watched the troops returning, through our tears;
There was triumph, triumph, triumph down the scarlet glittering street,
And you scarce could hear the music for the cheers.
And you scarce could see the house-tops for the flags that flew between;
The bells were pealing madly to the sky;
And everyone was shouting for the Soldiers of the Queen,
And the glory of an age was passing by.

And then there came a shadow, swift and sudden, dark and drear;
The bells were silent, not an echo stirred.
The flags were drooping sullenly, the men forgot to cheer;
We waited, and we never spoke a word.
The sky grew darker, darker, till from out the gloomy rack
There came a voice that checked the heart with dread:
"Tear down, tear down your bunting now, and hang up sable black;
They are coming — it's the Army of the Dead."

They were coming, they were coming, gaunt and ghastly, sad and slow;
They were coming, all the crimson wrecks of pride;
With faces seared, and cheeks red smeared, and haunting eyes of woe,
And clotted holes the khaki couldn't hide.
Oh, the clammy brow of anguish! the livid, foam-flecked lips!
The reeling ranks of ruin swept along!
The limb that trailed, the hand that failed, the bloody finger tips!
And oh, the dreary rhythm of their song!

"They left us on the veldt-side, but we felt we couldn't stop
On this, our England's crowning festal day;
We're the men of Magersfontein, we're the men of Spion Kop,
Colenso — we're the men who had to pay.
We're the men who paid the blood-price. Shall the grave be all our gain?
You owe us. Long and heavy is the score.
Then cheer us for our glory now, and cheer us for our pain,
And cheer us as ye never cheered before."

The folks were white and stricken, and each tongue seemed weighted with lead;
Each heart was clutched in hollow hand of ice;
And every eye was staring at the horror of the dead,
The pity of the men who paid the price.
They were come, were come to mock us, in the first flush of our peace;
Through writhing lips their teeth were all agleam;
They were coming in their thousands — oh, would they never cease!
I closed my eyes, and then — it was a dream.

There was triumph, triumph, triumph down the scarlet gleaming street;
The town was mad; a man was like a boy.
A thousand flags were flaming where the sky and city meet;
A thousand bells were thundering the joy.
There was music, mirth and sunshine; but some eyes shone with regret;
And while we stun with cheers our homing braves,
O God, in Thy great mercy, let us nevermore forget
The graves they left behind, the bitter graves.

I clearly don't make s'mores often enough

2009-12-01T15:58:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a bonfire in my backyard for our FHE activity. I was so prepared! I had the marshmallows, three different kinds of chocolates, roasting sticks, lanterns, and the fire burning at just the right temperature for roasting marshmallows.

If you caught what was missing, kudos to you. I clearly didn't.

That is, until someone spoke up sweetly, "Amanda, do you have any graham crackers?"

Oh darn. But! I did have a ton of (yummy) gingerbread cookies left over from a (successful) baking experiment.

Seriously, world's best s'mores ever! You should try it!

And if you're confused over the title of this post, I really don't make s'mores. Like ever. I don't like marshmallows. But I do like melted chocolate on graham crackers, and they're even better on gingerbread men!

Try, try again

2009-11-27T23:44:00.000-08:00

"IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, TRY, TRY AGAIN."

Ashlynn asked me where this came from so I had to look it up. It's an adage I would do well to make into a habit.

Don't give up too easily; persistence pays off in the end. The proverb has been traced back to 'Teacher's Manual' (1840) by American educator Thomas H. Palmer and 'The Children of the New Forest' (1847) by English novelist Frederick Maryat (1792-1848). Originally a maxim used to encourage American schoolchildren to do their homework. Palmer (1782-1861) wrote in his 'Teacher's Manual': 'Tis a lesson you should heed, try, try again. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.' The saying was popularized by Edward Hickson (1803-70) in his 'Moral Song' (1857) and is now applicable to any kind of activity."
~From "Random House Dictionary of Popular Proverbs and Sayings" by Gregory Y. Titelman (Random House, New York, 1996, Page 154).

My Thanksgiving!

2009-11-26T22:31:00.000-08:00

Hope your's was as wonderful as mine!

And thanks to all the kiddos for cooperating with the photographers!

A thought about my recent jury service

2009-11-25T22:46:00.000-08:00

I mentioned in a previous post how disillusioned I was when I was finally called in to court to be a juror on a criminal case. I'm currently listening to The Count of Monte Cristo and came across a passage that almost exactly defines my experience. As a hint, I played the part of the "beautiful young creature". (Yes, snicker all you want, but we resemble each other in sentiment.)

"Oh, M. de Villefort," cried a beautiful young creature, daughter to the Comte de Salvieux, and the cherished friend of Mademoiselle de Saint-Meran, "do try and get up some famous trial while we are at Marseilles. I never was in a law-court; I am told it is so very amusing!"

"Amusing, certainly," replied the young man, "inasmuch as, instead of shedding tears as at the fictitious tale of woeproduced at a theatre, you behold in a law-court a case of real and genuine distress -- a drama of life. The prisoner whom you there see pale, agitated, and alarmed, instead of -- as is the case when a curtain falls on a tragedy -- going home to sup peacefully with his family, and then retiring to rest, that he may recommence his mimic woes on the morrow, -- is removed from your sight merely to be reconducted to his prison and delivered up to the executioner. I leave you to judge how far your nerves are calculated to bear you through such a scene.

Thank you for the weather

2009-11-24T23:58:00.000-08:00

I realized just now that to others, it may seem odd that in almost every prayer I give, I include thanks for the beautiful or nice weather. That may seem a little shallow (am I really discussing the weather with the Lord?!).

But if you knew me in Seattle, where it was a deep, dark gray and drizzled lightly for 10 straight months and I never fully dried out, you would understand. I think Seattle is what brought my depression to a head, even if I definitely already had a propensity for it. (Don't get me wrong, Seattle was where I was supposed to be at the time.)

So as trivial as it may seem, I am infinitely grateful for every sunny day we have because it means so much to my mental health. And the few rainy days we have I actually enjoy. Just so long as I can dry out in between wet spells!

Sin olfato...or anosmatic

2009-11-24T21:08:00.000-08:00

I was just watching "Someone Like You" and learned that I am "anosmatic". I think that's better than saying "I have anosmia..." Cool, huh? Plus, apparently, I live a "semi-normal life"!

Dr: Why would you voluntarily make yourself anosmatic?

Jane: Well let me see if I can explain this. I had this boyfriend. And he smelled really, really good. Like soap, and fresh laundry and vanilla and every time I smell any of those smells, I'm reminded of my boyfriend and how happy we were before he dumped me for no good reason! And I get very sad. And then I get angry. And then before I know it I am in the throes of an all out emotional breakdown. And so I was just thinking, Dr Klein, if I could just short-circuit my nose somehow I might actually have a chance at living a semi-normal life someday.

My little hiking companion

2009-11-24T11:55:00.000-08:00

Rascal being a cutie, flitting around the field.

So my post is a little word-lite because of the meds I'm on. Happy day! I met with my psychiatrist and we're lowering the dose so hopefully I'll be back to happy normal soon!

I mentioned I've been taking my neighbor's dog hiking with me. Here's a photo and a video of the rascally Rascal. He's a CheWinie - a Chihuahua and Weinerdog mix. Ugly by themselves, adorable in a mix.

Curious side effects

2009-11-22T23:53:00.000-08:00

I feel like writing my Congressmen because I recently heard an ad on the radio saying, "All natural so no side effects!" That's a bunch of bull droppings! Arsenic, cyanide, and marijuana are all natural. And have some pretty big "side-effects". "All natural so no side effects" should be outlawed due to false representation.

But that's beside the point of this post, really. A couple weeks ago I started Abilify for my depression and anxiety. Within a couple days I started feeling much happier, which is good. But I've also become completely hyperactive and ADD.

I have trouble staying asleep, sitting down calmly, reading anything, holding still, and talking slowly and minimally. I finally can empathize with two types of people: people with ADHD and people who go off their meds.

I even needed a pep talk from a good friend to convince me to stay on them until talking to my doctor. It's been pretty rough, especially the not being able to focus on anything for very long (ie: more than 10 seconds). Luckily my professors are very accommodating.

To cope with the extra energy I've been hiking and running a lot. I've been taking my neighbor's dog with me and now every time he sees me, he goes nuts and starts running in circles. Thursday night I went to the midnight showing of New Moon and it just about killed me. I sat in line for several hours just for fun (yes, I did really want to sit in line) but had to run the stairs several times to keep myself in my skin. So yes, I've become a crazy stair runner.

The sad thing is that I'm not any more in shape, it feels like. And I get out of breath sometimes. But I have been able to do a few things. I was able to calmly count avocados for work on Saturday because it was physically engaging. My house is cleaner dirt wise but more cluttered with all the projects I've been working on (piano playing, sewing, puzzle, etc.).

And the final weird side effect? I have been cooking like mad. Not just eating a lot, but really cooking. I don't really cook because food isn't really all that interesting to me due to my limited sense of taste (due to my altogether lacking sense of smell). But in these past couple weeks I have been cooking things that are more involved than just rice and chicken tossed in a pan. Following is a list of some of the stuff I've made:

Butternut squash and apple soup (divine!)
Pumpkin bread
cornmeal bread (different from cornbread)
banana muffins
homemade spaghetti sauce
french toast

So really, Abilify should have the following warning on the label: "Warning! May induce cooking. Do not go grocery shopping until you know how this medication will affect you."

And here's the butternut squash soup recipe that I got from a friend from high school. It's labor intensive, but oh so worth it. And a quart of half and half? So worth it.

Joe Johnson’s Butternut Squash soup

makes about 1 gallon soup
---------------------------------------

3 medium butternut squash

4 oz (1 stick) butter
1 medium yellow onion, chopped
2 carrots, chopped
2 stalks celery, chopped

3 granny smith apples, peeled cored chopped
2 quarts vegetable or chicken broth
3 Tbsp molasses (optional)

1 qt half & half
8 fresh sage leaves*
salt and pepper to taste,
garnish (sour cream, chives, sharp cheddar cheese, etc.)
---------------------------------------

Roasting the Squash

Preheat Oven to 400°F

Carefully slice squash in half length-wise.
Spray or brush with oil, lay on sheet pan and
bake for about 1 hour until skin turns brown
and blistered.

Let cool completely, then peel
off the skins, and chop

Making the Soup

Preheat stock pot on medium heat

Melt butter and sauté onion, carrots, celery
until translucent.

Add the apples, cook slightly (about 1 minute)
Add soup broth, squash chunks, molasses

Let simmer on medium heat for about
1 hour 15 minutes

Purée the soup with an immersion blender or with
a standing blender

Return to medium low heat
Stir in the half & half, let warm up but do not
let it boil

Add fresh sage, salt and pepper to taste

Garnish as desired

Stores great for leftovers

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*if using fresh sage leaves add towards the end of
cooking the soup. If using dried sage (1 Tbsp) add at the
beginning while sautéeing vegetables.

The Natural Mae

2009-11-21T21:34:00.000-08:00

19 For the natural [Mae] is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless [s]he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural [Mae] and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [her], even as a child doth submit to his father. ~Mosiah 3:19

Uncle Larry, Badger, and Charlie in Caterpillar Tunnel

I've decided that my depression and anxiety is the Lord's way of keeping me dependent on him. Well, of reminding me that I am dependent on him. Because no matter how independent I feel I am, we all know that we need the Lord for everything from temporal matters such as breathing to more important spiritual and eternal matters such as the Atonement.

Uncle Larry, Big Rowdy, and Charlie

I try to think of this whenever I get frustrated. And in a way, I'm kind of thankful for my depression for this very reason. It is a constant reminder that I can turn to my Heavenly Father and ask him to take this burden from me. Or help me carry the load.

I'm reminded of a team of horses my uncle had for pulling the hay wagon. Bob and Charlie were two Belgian draft horses that were as unalike as any two horses of the same breed can be. Bob was tall and eager with a skimpy mane and literally a bobbed tail. Charlie was short, enormous and round like a barrel, lazy, quiet, and had a luxuriant mane and tail.

When the two were pulling together, they were pretty mismatched because Bob was always so eager to pull and Charlie was content to merely walk fast enough to keep up with Bob but avoid pulling much weight from the yoke. In fact, Charlie used to fall asleep (whilst walking and pulling next to Bob) and mildly spook when he would wake up. Then he'd calm down a second later and continue plodding along.

Charlie across Crabtree Lake

Bob and Charlie came to us somewhere around 1998. Charlie is still at the Ranch and has been so calm and compliant that he's now a trail ride horse. He's what you call "bomb proof" because a bomb could go off next to him (or on top of him in the form a young boy scout) and he'd ride through it calmly. The fact that Charlie can be both a pulling horse and a riding horse makes him very valuable to the ranch.

Bob was retired some years ago due to arthritis. I have no idea if all his unmatched pulling caused his semi-early onset of arthritis (he was in his twenties and had bowed legs). But I think about these two and picture myself in the yoke with Christ as my pulling mate.

Badger, Charlie, and Uncle Larry

If I can learn to relax and trust in the Lord, and let him pull the majority of the burden, but still keep up, I can last a long time in this world as a useful member of society.

Now I just have to figure out how to put off the natural Mae and trust the Lord enough to become bomb proof and arthritis free.