Bloom where you've planted

Comic Friday

2009-07-10T10:40:00.004-04:00

How did you ever manage to wait a whole week to see another horribly unfunny addition to my webcomic?

Comic #2: Lesbian

After the first comic I immediate got a question about it from my friend Kevin about it's lack of being funny. I'll just reiterate, my idea for this entire webcomic is to illustrate REAL super nuts or annoying conversations my ~~grandmother~~ anonymous person has had with me or said. I think it's unique because they are totally true and aren't funny at all... which I think is a little funny.

Like this.

I'm just kidding.. that last one was hilarious.

Just bury Michael Jackson already

2009-07-09T10:58:00.004-04:00

True love is all about sharing all kinds of neat experiences, and the other day while we were watching THE ONLY THING ON THAT WASN'T ABOUT MICHAEL JACKSON DYING ...JESUS CHRIST.. CAN I GET A CHANNEL? Sean was amazed when I announced I'd never seen My Own Private Idaho during our conversation about "real hollywood tragedies: river phoenix" and promptly downloaded it for us to lay in bed to watch the following night.

Annnnnd. That was interesting.

I'm not even going to get into the movie because what really got to me was the fact he was so narcoleptic that it was a true tragedy just letting him be alive. His character was given all the crap in life without the self-awareness that could have made it make any sense. I would have been relieved if they killed him off in the end .. like Old Yeller.

Burn Sanderson: You can't hardly tell at first, not till they get to the point of slobbering and staggering around. When you see a critter in that fix, you know for sure. But you want to watch for others that ain't that far along. Now, you take a bobcat or a fox. You know they'll run if you give 'em the chance. But when one don't run, or maybe makes fight at you, why, you shoot him and shoot him quick. After he's bitten you, it's too late.

I saw a whole documentary last month or so on the rehabilitation of seals in California, and one of the saddest cases for me was this really young happy seal pup had these insanely large tumors all over in its mouth just hanging out there like tentacles and being painful. They x-rayed it and saw there was no way of removing them without also removing its jaw. Doing that means it would never be able to survive in the wild which defeats the purpose, as they are not pets. It was just a genetic freak occurrence and the best thing they could do for it is euthanize the animal.

Side note: Andre was not a good lesson to kids about what pets are.

My question is why are we not allowed to feel that way about people? I just said I wished a character in a movie died and half of everyone reading this probably said "wow that's pretty harsh, why would you even say that!" as if it were a real living person. I know nothing can redeem the human spirit like numerous opportunities to fuck everything up in their lives.. but laying like a vegetable with no brain activity, or sitting in a hospital just waiting it out in pain to kick the bucket 'when God thinks its appropriate for you' just doesn't make much sense to me. I've been in situations personally where I have tried to make it make sense, said this person will be FINE because I'd like them to be fine and they're breathing and stuff, but it never happened. It never made sense. I am just saying, why can't someone feel that way and not be a bad person? Why can't we talk about that. I know the animal world is much different, people have decided they are allowed to make those decisions, but those seals were euthanize with compassion from people who love and devote their lives to save so very few of them. When it comes to people, I feel like its mostly about the fact nobody wants to take ownership of their own opinion on that topic.

Nobody wants to be the one to say, ya, killing people is a good idea. Nobody wants to be the one to say, I am totally behind you killing that person. I'd just like to know why it's not allowed when they see a person suffering, to at least not go through all kinds of crazy crap to keep them alive.

One of the only memories of my "real" dad was how he was cleaning out his shed and a mouse got injured so he went and killed him with a shovel. My mother is the complete opposite and I was always told we could save any animal by turning the house into some little animal hospital because there is no bigger tragedy in LIFE than something dying. The lesson: nothing should ever die. Got that? In retrospect my dad probably should have explained why he was killing the mouse beforehand (since I was under the impression we could fashion a little mouse cast or give it physiotherapy so it could walk on 3 legs) but it is a child who thinks everyone can be made better, everyone can change, everything in life is OK and we don't ever need to experience tragedy because if we don't want it to happen then it won't. It should be that way of course, we don't want a bunch of depressed kids, but let me just tell you the alternative is my mother running around like Dr Quinn Medicine Woman and let a bat die in a coffee can in the fridge because she thought it would like the cold.

Just opening up the conversation here.

As a note, one of the experiences I get to share in return for My Own Private Idaho: showing Sean eating berries off the tree in the backyard won't immediately kill you. You should have seen his face haha. MMM poison berries :)

Confession

2009-07-06T09:07:00.000-04:00

I hope you're ready for this, that you're prepared. My confession is so creepy I can't even explain!

I have the weirdest, deep-seeded fascination and chilling fear of Miniatures.

I stumbled upon a website where this guy chronicled his creation of a scene and officers quarters from he novel Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World by Patrick O'Brian. He made ALL the furniture himself, tracked down tiny coloured glass bottles and tiny metal medical equipment.. even tiny jelly for the tiny toast and handmade tiny genuine leather bound books for his itty bitty library. CSI episode aside, that is both a fascinating and terrifying concept. I should also mention he wired the candles to really light up.

I think innately the girl in me says WOW A DOLLHOUSE! I know I touched upon this before with things people think kids like to play with and what they actually play with, BUT I have always loved dollhouses quite a lot. Now I think of it my grandma (who is insane in buying children anything and everything they want or are slightly interested in. S'Mores, the robotic pony would have been mine.) did buy a few miniature furniture pieces for my dollhouse. They were too detailed I think to be regular furniture, and one of the floorlamps did have a tiny lightbulb and plug.. where that was supposed to plug into I have no idea but that's not the point.

The point is it's all fun and games until you realize an adult spent hours perfecting the recipe for miniature jam, and laying out the microscopic fork and knife with tweezers. It's all very batman villianish. I shudder just thinking of it because right away I'm forced to assume they think little characters come out while they sleep and live in the house. This doesn't help either.

I am also fairly positive I saw a movie or read a book at some point where a real person was living in a miniature dollhouse world and didn't know how they got there and couldn't get out. There was tiny fake fish on a plate in it too. If I could only remember anything relevant about it... NO it's not Alice in Wonderland.

Wow I feel so much better I got this off my chest. Miniaturely lighter, even.

Fourth of July

2009-07-04T23:02:00.001-04:00

Enjoyed a really great meal tonight for my grandma's 66th birthday today (July 4th and not an American, too bad she could have had fireworks). She enjoyed herself, the meal and actually liked the fish so much she mentioned it a few times, and that never happens. Then she actually liked the Lemon Cake I picked out .. and wasn't pushy at all before she left. Naturally, I got suspicious.

Speaking of, totally unrelated to this..

I hope you've all enjoyed my new weekly, colossally unfunny, webcomic. I just know you can't wait for the next one. Here's a closer look at some of the characters I drew. Guess which one is "rude".

So hard to believe I have no drawing talent whatsoever, right? I'll give myself a little credit here by admitting this is all trackpad, and I actually considered naming the comic along the lines of: F*MyTrackpad.

"Try the smoked salmon sushi with cream cheese center, made the traditional way"
- Sushi Sean re: the Mandarin

And now we know what happens

2009-07-03T12:54:00.002-04:00

...when I have a little vacation time, aside from enjoying Asiago cheese and a little travelling.

Introducing my webcomic that I draw myself (omgz) called Rude Toothpaste, based entirely in fact of loosely exact situations that has happened in real life with myself and a person I won't name. We'll just say she's Italian, may or may not be my grandmother and her name rhymes with Hella. But those are all the crypic hints you're going to get!!

Comic#1: puke chicken salad

Canada Day @ Niagra Falls

2009-07-02T10:12:00.001-04:00

And here's a bear... who is burnt or dead.

The World Without Us

2009-06-30T18:49:00.000-04:00

The World Without Us by Alan Weisman is a penetrating, page-turning, exploration of how our planet would respond without the relentless pressure of the human presence.

Check out what would happen to the earth 1 day to 5+ billion years if people disappeared. Do you know? Pretty interesting.

2009-06-30T13:56:00.000-04:00

Dear Weather,

This is my last week of free time and we're planning on doing some traveling so please, either just rain or just be sunny for an entire day at a time. I usually like samplers, like with cheese, but in this case I'd just like enough notice to know what shoes to wear. And while we're talking here, could I ask one favour tomorrow? If you could rain but just on my neighbours house and nowhere else so they can't launch fireworks on my deck that would be really great. Picking up stuff that says "explosive" on it kinda creeps me out.

Your friend,
Ann-Marie

I forgot to mention I had a great time this weekend @ girls night with some friends, and Sharmy who I haven't seen since she moved to Alberta 4 years ago or so. She got married and had a little guy in that time so it was pretty great to get to hang out and watch everyone get super drunk on the Devil (aka Tequila) and beers. I was the a-hole who just watched, and I have no problem admitting it was fun! I know Sharmy is a lightweight now she hasn't drank in 9 months but her sister Jaime though, she actually fell out of the car! By the way, did you know Coke is FREE at the bar? FREE.

Hope everyone has some great Canada Day plans :) Nothing like celebrating your country by blowing up a large chunk of it.

Little to say

2009-06-28T15:10:00.001-04:00

In the interest of not being repetitive, I will stop referencing anyone who dies after this point. I just had to include this because of it's pure tech-cultureness.

Celebrity pitch-man Billy ~~Mayes~~ Mays died and it was announced first by his son via Twitter this morning. My only request to my children is now to simply never tweet my death. That and pick up after themselves because GODDAMMIT I AM NOT A CLEANING LADY.

I say that with humbleness and love because it's a known fact I'd be booted out of cleaning school for writing "Fuck This" on every toilet my second day and therefore could never be a cleaning lady. Bless their tidy little hearts.

Daily thankful

2009-06-26T12:22:00.000-04:00

Perfect lunch. Bagel with sliced tomato and cream cheese, good.
Side of Asiago cheese, good.
Burn Notice, good.
It's Friday, home with my family all weekend, good.
Ladies night out tonight, good.

If I could eat Asiago cheese everyday for the rest of my life, I would. Just thought the world would like to know that.

Time is running out.. jammies everyday

2009-06-25T17:58:00.002-04:00

Is it wrong that I looked down to make sure I wasn't wearing jammies before I went out of the house today? I'd like to say no, but when you have some time to yourself you realize just how much you'd like to save time and mix all the good things in life together.

Jammies, good.
Going out for Ice Cream, good.
No makeup, good.
Avoiding calls from grandparents, good.

WTF face, by the way, that Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson died today. Anytime a celebrity dies I get a call from my friend Andrea within 5-10mins. I'm always the person she calls first when someone dies, and nothing has changed since she moved to the other side of Canada. It's like a touchstone in life, we will always quote The Simpsons, we will always go out for Thai food and she will get Mango Chicken, and Andrea will call me if someone important dies. I am sure this will continue into our old age; she'll be Mildred and I'll be simply known as "Mother" and we'll scan the obituaries over a cup of decaffeinated tea. For the record she thinks Michael Jackson was our generations Elvis, and died taking uppers and downers. I'm inclined to agree since heart attacks at 50 are unusual. I also think that this possibly completes the only superstition I have in life, that people die in threes, if we're including Ed McMahon.

Watercooler, good.

"don't you just love it when celebrities die?"
- Andrea "Mildred" Salciccioli

My Neighbours

2009-06-24T14:26:00.001-04:00

How I've managed to keep mention of my neighbors, in huge ranting tirades, off this website is beyond my understanding. The only clue would be I don't really enjoy tirades and it's hard to 'tone it down son' when you've been having to call the police every weekend.

As a note that I have never called the police on anyone for being loud or having parties in my life, and in this situation it was completely the logical thing to do.

Let me introduce you to my neighbours. 5-28 white trash high school kids with 1-2 dogs who shit in my backyard, 1-4 cars and tractor, who shares a driveway with me. There is a big f'ing tree splitting our actual backyards of course but the shared (aka unfenced) driveway area goes as far as the back of my house, which they use to 'roundabout' their cars in my backyard instead of just backing the f out. My neighbours rent this house from some poor lady who apparently hates the rest of us since nobody in their right mind would have them stay in anyone's home. One of the girls who I'm sure lives there is also a stripper that works down the street... I've seen her lucite heel imprints, or hooker tracks, in the snow head all the way there in winter months. I assume that is how they manage to pay for rent since none of them have a job aside from occasional landscaping (ie the tractor) and most of them go to high school, which I know because I see them come home with backpacks at 3:30pm.

My lovely neighbours, whom I could care less about their personal lives, decide to have raging Animal House parties EVERY Friday and Saturday night. They don't miss a single day to take the party somewhere else for a change, and always make sure to take it outside where drunk little girls and boys whos parents don't love them decide to have 'really cool' fist fights on our lawn, yell directly at the side of our house (into our bedroom window) 'f'in this, f'in that' and keep it up until about 3-4am. I know way more than I should about people piece of shit conversations when they've been drinking since 5, and oh what a BIG DEAL this all is, someone drive me home or I'm going to punch so-and-so. All while we are literally trying to sleep. Sean has had to personally go out there and physically stop fights and ask for the party to END... and he's a convincing guy. They walk through our backyard constantly as a note, because it's apparently public property.

My 'the children are our bright future' neighbours have attracted police here for assult, public disturbance, been arrested, all by themselves or on other neighbours calls. We decided 2am was a really good time for everyone to go home so we call every weekend now, as doing our part for the community. Unfortunately the police don't seem to be interested in actually doing anything and unfortunately after police we called left one night a few weekends ago, an ambulance was rushed over and a girl was taken to the hospital for alcohol poisoning. No idea if she ended up OK or not. Great job right?

Well, now that you know my neighbours I'll tell you what happened yesterday.
Yesterday was the end of school.

I was home when at 3:30pm they decided to do this. Blasting music out of the FRONT of the house and dancing on the porch, drinking in FRONT of the house (not nice little coctails either, just a cup of coke and big bottles of whiskey and rum right on the table.. they throw the empties of those in my backyard btw). Why they refuse to use their equally as large as ours backyard to do this, I have no bloody idea. They absolutely MUST party right beside my windows! I took this picture right now in fact, this is my kitchen, and not yesterday but at 1pm on a Wednesday.. and this is presumably how it is going to be until someone dies or the house blows up. Fan'freaking'tastic. Why would I ever want to move? Hmm.

As another note to anyone who has never read my site and does not know me, I grew up in Hamilton OK. I once had a drunk guy fall off the balcony of the appartment above ours, onto our lawn and paralize himself. Then someone did the exact same thing the weekend after while talking about it to a friend, and was paralized because he kept trying to get up and finish his beer. I have seen psychiatric patients my parents look after cut themselves with plates. Vandals in the park. I am used to noise, loud drunks, police cars... but NOT EVERY WEEKEND. This situation is over the top stupid and that is saying something.

Jon minus Kate

2009-06-22T10:30:00.003-04:00

I am all about pop-culture, what's happening, who sucks who doesn't etc. I have to know that stuff. It's like calming waves on a sunny beach.. which is a great time to read gossip mags by the way! Really looking forward to spending $80 in gossip at the cottage.

One thing I am finding it really difficult to get right now is the crazy obsession with Jon and Kate getting a divorce. I kind of see that as an ending, not a crescendo, to the story so while I'm technically interested I'm also pretty horrified this is happening on tv. With their 8 children. It seems like the kids matter so so much until the public decided who Jon has a beer with was way more important, and then, so did the show. Tonight is the inevitable and secretive/lucrative "announcement" that's been "coming for a long time" on TLC, which I personally think they could have just released a statement insted of made a show of it. How gross is a "teaser trailer" for the Divorce Episode? The editor who put that together should feel like a piece of garbage.

So here's to watching the divorce unfold tonight and look around to see if the plus 8 are mentioned, because I am sure it'll be "all about them" .. that's why the show is still happening, because we all love those children right?

yes this is a real shirt

Don't forget now. Happy Father's Day!

2009-06-21T10:56:00.000-04:00

For my Dad who spends special moments with me, watching me and listening if I need anything as intently as our everyday moments.

I appreciate all Dad's I know today for doing the one job that is the longest, most thankless, most second-guessing, most worrysome one they'll ever have. And the best.

30 to 30

2009-06-20T15:47:00.002-04:00

I finally have a definitive answer to something I left out of my 26 things I learned in 26 years experiment. What the heck do you do when you drop an egg? I offered simply that I learned it was not easy, and perhaps try some flour. Since I didn't want to waste an egg to figure out if that was true, and didn't know if it made any sense, I left it off the list. Now I know!

Egg on the Floor
If you drop an egg on the floor, cover it with salt and leave it alone for a couple of minutes. When you come back, you'll be able to easily clean the mess with a paper towel.

Excellent!

Practical life lessons are so my favourite because they are so easy to apply. Open ended big-picture items like follow your dreams, be more alive, you are born an amazing individual, be the change you want to see etc. I have never found to be particularly easy for my mind to get around (ahh this is me being the change I want to see! good for me, changing and seeing). I'm not making fun here, really, and I can attribute this ironically to my needing to do things definitively, collectively, competitively and perfectly. Following my dreams is not definitive, collective, competitive or perfect in it's conception or implementation and planning (or IS it, to you?). I think the essence and "hustle in the game" of people who do the whole life-isms thing like that is that you like learning and re-learning as you go, and need a bunch of reminders and motivation to stay the course having no idea where they're going. That just doesn't happen for me so practical things and goals is my bestfriend.

More than just the egg on the floor as a topic (check out Cooking LifeTips) I have become interested in my next list slash experiment that is practical but goal based. I figured 26 years in learning something is generous, and 30 things to 30 to DO something is as generous. So 30 things to do before 30? I'm interested in both writing the list and accomplishing each one. For once (like leaving egg on the floor out of my 26 list) I am not tempted to place any limitations on my goals, like, I must succeed.. because to be a true competitive person at heart you must lose, fail, and come up short quite a lot of the time.

1. Write and submit a short-story for publication.

90s fad, hero to babies

2009-06-18T23:32:00.000-04:00

Apparently hypercolour can save your baby's life. Oh yeah, it's real.

I know that putting my baby in a heat-seeking onesie is far better at diagnosing my baby than holding them, or paying attention to see if their behavior is off like I care. I'm also seriously impressed that "white ain't right" is the super helpful signal that my baby has been dead for hours because to my knowledge when a person stops breathing they take a little while to be stone cold. You get your money's worth right there! Can't I pay an extra $5 or so to put some kind of alarm on one of them in case I'm not staying up all night to check my mood colour baby while they sleep? All I am picturing are frantic parents screaming "check the colour legend!!" into the night because oh dear Jesus what does green mean again???

Why did nobody tell this guy of the invention that already exists called a self-adhesive temperature strip, where you just put a sticky film over the kids forehead and it tells you if they have a fever?

Hypercolour onesie fails. I review life, by the way.. I just got my license to do that yesterday.

Open letter to the dicks at NBC

2009-06-18T14:04:00.001-04:00

With your huge 'hit' shows like Chuck? (wtf is Chuck?) and Medium, did you really think it was a great idea to cancel Life after it's 2nd season. I don't know if you've ever seen this particular show but I think it kicks ass.

NBC I like that you have enough sense to broadcast 30 Rock and I guess Biggest Loser is fine too, but you don't have a better comedy-zen-drama (I just made that up) than Life. It's just stupid not to give it at least one more season to wrap up, if not just let it peak for gods sake, it's a good show and that doesn't happen a bunch to you! Damien Lewis is practically the only guy in television to either look like a totally nice guy OR an axe murderer within a few seconds, why would you let him go to another show? You have Heroes and what? Their storyline completely jumped the shark by the way and I don't know who watches it anymore. Do you know how frustrating it is to follow a show and have the cryptic season finale ending be the ACTUAL ENDING of the series? We'll never know who framed him, or the outcome of the conspiracy wall? What the heck, for real. 8 Million viewers weren't enough to keep it afloat? I don't do 8 Million of anything!.. and now you're making me make no sense! Thanks.

Regards,
Your target audience females ages 18-44

Sign your name if you'd like Life to move to the USA network.

What happens?

2009-06-17T19:46:00.000-04:00

What happens when a fish gets a can of fish flakes dumped in their tank?

First they get super happy because they are a particularly hungry fat fish. Like that plant in Little Shop of Horrors, I swear the fish talked to him and made him do it. However, later, if their owner leaves them on the counter and forgets to clean the tank they'll return to a fish swimming on their side because they're almost dead.

I cleaned the tank anyway thinking this at least would serve as a very valuable lesson to a certain pair of helpful hands that you should not feed animals without grown ups around. Gosh darnit if the fish didn't LIVE. I'm pretty glad it's still alive though just surprised, it's also had one fish-illness in the past I got medication for which cost 3 times as much as the fish. Also relieved though since I hadn't realized I've never had to dispose of a dead pet before and it was mega grossballs thinking about it. With all the pets I've had growing up that is actually pretty amazing, never seen a dead pet nor disposed of one.... my parents always did that. Ahhh adulthood, this hidden responsibility for me later in life will suck! Dad you didn't prepare me for yet another thing!! I am calling you when it happens!

I will google anything

2009-06-14T00:20:00.002-04:00

I haven't posted any Search of the Week in a while and that is because things only stay on this here website when they make me laugh, and reading about peeps searching for unsavory illegal photo-situations of underage boys or girls just doesn't make me laugh like it used to. The first 86 times, I mean, hilarious. It must be my old age because if I've learned anything at all it's the lesson that people are completely screwed up and it's NOT AS RARE AS YOU MIGHT THINK.

Confession: I really do read my own website occasionally and I'll laugh at my own jokes. I honestly do, and it's only in text and I wrote it. If I were another person, and not me, I'd think this was the best website ever. If I had no readers I probably wouldn't notice because I'm all the fan of myself I need! Haha.

This week I decided to check again though and the winner is "my new mom eats the sun".. which is a reference to the super crazy episode of Wife Swap where the lady decided to sunbathe her meals, which I blogged about here. Kudos to that person who needed to find that episode reference 3 years later. That reminds me I should really add my own idea to the list of 'websites that I can't believe exist': www.imsoborediwillgoogleanything.com.

Also The Hangover was hilarious by the way.

Sweater Love

2009-06-09T20:48:00.000-04:00

It is no small secret, or shouldn't be anyway, that I am a fan of Jennifer Aniston (post-Friends) based entirely on her fabulous choice of sweaters in every single movie she's in! Fan might even be the wrong term here actually because whilst she wears the fabulous fitting sweater I don't particularly like her since I DO NOT HAVE IT. IT IS HER AND NOT ME WALKING ALONE ON A BEACH IN MAINE WHILE A SALTY BREEZE AND LATE AFTERNOON SUNLIGHT DECENDS UPON ME PONDERING MY LOVE LIFE.

I'm aware she doesn't personally pick the sweaters but I do not care, they are always fantastic so something is clearly going on there. I will be watching a movie, see her and yell "oh my god that's a great sweater!" as if someone is going to jump up and agree with me and then go shopping. And let me tell you, Sean NEVER does! Not even once.

If Jennifer Aniston had a vault full of every sweater she owned I would break in a swim in them just like the opening credits of Duck Tales. Then put 8 of them on and run away in a feverish sweat.

Sears Baseball

2009-06-07T19:02:00.000-04:00

Last weekend we got to catch a Sox/Jays baseball game. Nothing like watching the Jays lose horribly to make the place clear out as fast as possible. Everyone I went with is a Boston fan so that really didn't bother me at all, it should be noted that it's just a rule though ever since my first baseball game: the Jays always lose when I attend.*

We got to see some pretty funny people when we were there, as usual. Last time it was the Boston fan in FULL uniform, running in the streets. This time it was Yogi's #1 fan who found a redsox turban somewhere.

And the Boston Stripper Fan, with 89 pieces of redsox flair. Lots of people stopped her to take a picture and Alicia also wanted a pic with her, that's Wes taking it there.

Funny thing about Wes he told me he googled himself the other night and my post about the story of his impersonation of Randy Steele was the number 5 hit. He called everyone he knew to check it. Luckily my good friend Wes has a fantastic sense of humor so he thought it was hilarious. Here's his Sears pose at the game.

Kudos to you my friend for being linked in a google search with an impersonation that turned out to be worse than Hitler, and still thinking it was funny. This is why we're friends. I also wanted to clarify that I still find the impersonation funny as hell, which makes me a very bad person.

Sean's Sears pose at the game. Is it just me or even though we were making fun of the Sears pose, they actually turned out pretty good? I think so.

I had a gigantic lemonade which was 8 dollars, and yanno, it was a good day :) This weekend? I've been sick with the plague that doesn't like when you breathe out of your nose, and I am not impressed. Try harder, flu! I have tons of OJ and chapstick (that is what happens when you stop breathing from your nose, btw). Hope you guys have a great Monday morning! I know mine will be just a peach.

*Except one game. That's it. I've been attending games since I was 10.

New: Accusitory Nursery Rhymes

2009-06-04T21:13:00.001-04:00

♫ ♫ Twinkle-twinkle little star, I wonder how you get up there? how you get up there?! TWINKLE STAR???!!!! ♫ ♫

- Bee, 3

Yes, twinkle star, good question... where WERE YOU last night? I was looking for you!

No hell, no dignity

2009-06-04T10:48:00.004-04:00

It is as interesting to me how anyone deals with bad days, bad people, bad situations as much as their good counterparts. After a suuuper nice convo with my Dad while I was at a baseball game after he had a bad day (read: not super, not nice) and then visiting there yesterday I realized that there definitely was a time in my life where I actually could not accept any bad OR good things that would happen. Most of the best things to happen for me were either those I didn't care too much about, those I could have taken or left it, and those that were mildly nice, un-intrusively sweet on a small scale and non-conclusive so that I could think about them later on.

If it seems like that is a lot of work for something nice happening to you, that is because the bad days defied rational explanation. I was not sexually abused, kidnapped, drugged, sold into slavery or anything else that I am sure has happened or is currently happening and totally dismembered someone else's life with paralyzing fear. There were only crazy emotional outbursts from my parents to which there was absolutely no attempt of masking my involvement, and sometimes someone got stabbed with a knife, or hurtful words thrown as well as objects, t-shirts were ripped, or the wheels spinning out on the car. Sometimes it involved talking to someone who bought you candy you like and then went into the many conspiracies being thrust upon our lives by doctors, but let's not go into that lest we lose my point in there somewhere. Crazy just blends everything together and sucks it all up with a straw, doesn't it? At least I think so.

"Adulthood isn't an award they'll give you for being a good child. You can waste... years, trying to get someone to give that respect to you, as though it were a sort of promotion or raise in pay. If only you do enough, if only you are good enough. No. You have to just... take it. Give it to yourself, I suppose. Say, I'm sorry you feel like that and walk away. But that's hard."

Lois McMaster Bujold, A Civil Campaign, 1999

It was not a case of those kids who thought everything was their fault, and I don't know what is worse in comparison: the thoughts and responsibility you feel to fix it while secretly knowing it's all going down or actually being physically put in the middle and told to tell the other parent they were killing the other and that I fucking hate them for doing so. And if I didn't, of course, I was ungrateful and they might as well leave since they were only there for my benefit. We can honestly only know our own experiences and that is why unless I can imagine from experience what someone is going through I tend not to give my opinion because I find that a little bold.

My point is though that you kind of can't accept good things after that and I guess it's a difference in my life now that I enjoy. I am ok with great things happening, and some pretty great things are happening right now :) I have a different focus and I think that's really helped see the bad days, bad people, and bad situations as what they are which is limited.. not important.. and fixable.

"It takes two to love. It takes liberty. It takes the right to reject. If there were no hell, we would be like the animals. No hell, no dignity.”

Flannery O'Connor, 1959

Guest Appearance

2009-06-01T15:17:00.002-04:00

Hi this is Andrea, I bought my ticket to Jurassic Park last week and I still haven't received it in the mail. What do you mean it's not real?

I SAW IT ON TV! *click*

Ya I'm really blogging this much

2009-05-29T21:11:00.000-04:00

On the off chance someone generous and loving sees this, and is looking to adopt a kitten my Dad has one left out of two litters! That's right ladies and gents, he is so dedicated to kittens that he's personally found homes for all of them but this little one.. and she really needs a home. Free of course to any good person who can look after her, with some food and litter to start you off.

Female, 9 weeks old, grey and white. ADORABLE.
Sure, she climbed my drapes but then fell asleep like this.. how can I be mad?

If you were ever picked last in gym class, this is the kitten for you!
Email me.