tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24709452.post-30936826747317931232008-05-14T00:25:00.000-07:002008-05-14T00:27:09.227-07:00<span style="font-weight: bold;">A funny thing I ran across last night. My friends Leo and Mark and I used to run a BBS back in the mid/late 90s before the WWW came along... this was a funny piece of writing we used to have on there:</span><br /><br />This is an actual essay written by a college applicant to NYU. The author<br />was accepted and is now attending NYU.<br /><br /> 3A. IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW<br />YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:<br /> ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU<br />HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?<br /><br />I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have<br />been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more<br />efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban<br />refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.<br /><br />Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.<br /><br />I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot<br />bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute<br />Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love,<br />and an outlaw in Peru.<br /><br />Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended<br />a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I<br />play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of<br />numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in<br />my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair<br />electrical appliances free of charge.<br /><br />I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics<br />worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't<br />perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been<br />caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured<br />New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400.<br /><br />My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany<br />circles. Children trust me.<br /><br />I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I<br />once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and<br />still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the<br />exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed<br />several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do<br />sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully<br />negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The<br />laws of physics do not apply to me.<br /><br />I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On<br />weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years<br />ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have<br />made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven.<br /><br />I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving<br />competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played<br />Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.<br /><br />But I have not yet gone to college.Rob Christiansonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08127395230511694369noreply@blogger.com