soleilina's story

Visiting Grandma

2007-08-29T01:06:00.000+08:00

I went to my grandmother's grave on my way to the gym today, braving the torrential evening downpour and after-work traffic. It's been quite some time since anyone had visited,judging from the weeds and tiny shrubs that have carpeted grandma's grave. Visiting grandma has always been on my list of things to do, but I guess sometimes we allow ourselves to get caught up with work and issues in life that something as simple as paying someone dear to us a visit is put off until we are consumed by guilt and start to scramble to our knees to get the job done for a clear conscience. The reason I went to grandma's grave had little to do with getting my conscience clear but I was also in search of solitude and solace which, in my books, are synonymous with cemeteries (Whoever said I am normal?!). Plus, grandma was a great listener. I reckon she still is..Besides, I didn't want to let myself repeat the same mistake as I did when she was still alive by not visiting her often enough.
It's also been quite some time that I'd written or blogged. I've not lost my penchant for writing, it's just that I think I wasn't in touch much with my emotions and thoughts in between work, minding after people (by people I really mean my students, friends, family, acquaintances, colleagues, gym friends, etcetera), getting back on my feet (I live for my gym now! **Note to self: blog about how choosing to go to the gym has been the best decision I've made in my whole life!), getting in and out of relationships and the hospital and so on and so forth that blogging or writing just had to take a backseat, much to my chagrin though. Well, at least I have a real life to live, not just writing out how I'd love to live my life or merely writing about mundane things that don't even count as a so-called life. Blogging or writing is no fun when you make it into a routine or when you make it into a spectacle to garner awe and admiration from people.
Garbed in my normal office wear of pants and conservative looking top plus a scarf to boot with an additional accessory of my green umbrella, I must have looked very out of place (yet with an air of mystery if I may add), considering I was at a Muslim cemetery where I should have been more 'decently' dressed or more 'covered-up'. At least I had the decency to have a scarf on out of respect with it being touted as a sacred place of eternal rest.
Walking down the pathway between graves, I greeted the 'dwellers' of the cemetery with a quiet yet resounding 'assalamualaikum' ('peace be upon you' in Arabic). Upon entering, I was instantly reminded of Usman Awang's 'Ke Makam Bonda', a poem which I have always been drawn to, for some inexplicable reason since I was first made to read it way back in the third grade in primary school. I remember seeing my then close friend, Sonja tearing up quietly while the poem was being recited. Her mother had passed away the year before and I guess she was reminded of the painful loss. I felt for her and I still do, it still being in my memory and all. Usman Awang had a knack for evoking or shall I say bring out the imageries through his thought-provoking and at times melancholic pieces of poetry.
I stood there in the silence of the cemetery except for the sound of raindrops pelting on my umbrella and the occasional falling of a leaf or flower from the frangipani trees. Bending down, I started to pluck away at the weeds that obstructed the sight of my grandmother's grave. Having done that, I rested on a line of arranged bricks and recited the Yassin and Al-Fatihah. Suddenly I felt so much better and the tonne of bricks I was carrying with me on my back had been lifted away and dissipated into thin air. As the poem 'Ke Makam Bonda' reverberated in my head, I felt tears trickling down my cheeks as images of grandma and me playing seven stones and spending lazy afternoons together in the living room of our old kampong house, me with my legs out-stretched and grandma with a cigarette held steadily in one hand and the remote control on the other, flashed by before me in black and white, just like in the movies. I really miss you, grandma! I was a kid back then when you expressed all your worries and fears and I'd brush them off by saying how trivial they were and that they'd go away soon. I didn't understand then. I really do understand now that I've 'grown up' and gotten a taste of what the real world is all about. I wish you were here to tell me "I told you so!". I wish...
Come this September 3, it will be exactly three years since my beloved grandma had left us, just three days short of her sixty-fourth birthday. How I wish I were only a kid when she passed away. It's not as if I'd miss her any less but I guess if I were a kid then, I wouldn't have been able to articulate my emotions and even if I could, they wouldn't have been so complex.I wouldn't have to deal with so much then. I guess as adults and the fact that we are capable of more complex emotions and thoughts makes it more difficult for us to be positive about things in life. I wish I could be a kid and tell myself when I go through rough patches in life that everything will be okay again tomorrow when I wake up from sleep. I wish I could drive my grandma in my car to get her fix of Black Forest Mocha...

Ke Makam Bonda ~ Usman Awang

Kami mengunjungi pusara bonda
Sunyi pagi disinari suria
Wangi berseri puspa kemboja
Menyambut kami mewakili bonda

Tegak kami di makam sepi
Lalang-lalang tinggi berdiri
Dua nisan terkapar mati
Hanya papan dimakan bumi

Dalam kenangan kami melihat
Mesra kasih bonda menatap
Sedang lena dalam rahap
Dua tangan kaku berdakap

Bibir bonda bersih lesu
Pernah dulu mengucupi dahiku
Kini kurasakan kasihnya lagi
Meski jauh dibatasi bumi

Nisan batu kami tegakkan
Tiada lagi lalang memanjang
Ada doa kami pohonkan
Air mawar kami siramkan

Senyum kemboja mengantar kami
Meninggalkan makam sepi sendiri
Damailah bonda dalam pengabadian
Insan kerdil mengadap Tuhan

Begitu bakti kami berikan
Tiada sama bonda melahirkan
Kasih bonda tiada sempadan
Kemuncak murni kemuliaan insan

~Usman Awang

The Hospital Episode

2007-05-17T21:52:00.000+08:00

I'm doing this rather hurried entry from a rather dingy internet cafe opposite the hospital I've been admitted to (yeh, snuck out under the very watchful eyes of the otherwise nice nurses and it's not like I'm vegetative or anything)

This hospital that I'm currently calling home is such a happening place as it is strategically located opposite a shopping complex which, although pathetic, boasts of all the deaths of me such as Starbucks, Thai stalls selling my favourite thai salad (som tam), my favourite taiwanese teas and there are even bookshops to boot! Really helps keep my hormone levels in check.

Right, about being hospitalised, I came here after having been referred to Dr. Elizabeth Ann (who is a very pretty and tremendously kind and efficient endocrinologist who hails from the states) by a very no-nonsense doctor near my uni who was not so pleased with my thyroxine levels and severe my water retention.

Staying here has been some sort of a deja vu for me as I was born right here in this hospital came in a couple of times before. A very good place to be sick in as the food here suits me very well as they're vegetarian and also I dig the bakery here as everything sold is very healthful and is made of whosesome ingredients such as wholewheats and natural sugars. I'm quite skeptical about some hospitals which serve whites and deep-frieds and not only that, they sell junk food in their commissary too. So much for promoting healthy eating habits and lifestyles! I have this nagging suspicion that those hospitals are purposely selling and serving all those incriminating junks so that they churn in more profit from more and more sick people.

I'm also sitting here trying to make out which key is which as it's nearly impossible to see which key I'm hitting given the lack of light here. Good thing I hung out a lot with my visually impaired buddy back in secondary school, Asiah and thanks to her I'm quite adept at braille.

Just now my doctor came in to tell me of the result of my blood tests. I was told rather matter-of-factly (which is a doctor's common demeanor when breaking some health or rather unhealthy findings to a patient) I had polycyctic ovarian syndrome , hyperthyroidism and liver problems which explains my sudden resemblance to a blowfish! So now I'm on yet another pill-popping regimen until I shrivel up to my normal size as I've been told that the meds I'm on have got shrinking properties. Hurrahh!!

Right, I better bounce back to my boudoir before my absence is noticed. To my friends, students and everyone who knows me, a heartfelt thanks for the Teacher's Day wishes and get-well-soon wishes. Thanks for making a mark in my life. A very memorable one.

Di Suatu Senja D Musim Yang Lalu...

2007-05-13T15:28:00.000+08:00

Last Friday after work, I drove around aimlessly, refusing to go home for some mysterious reason and suddenly I found myself at The Esplanade after tucking into a meal of chapati at my favourite vegetarian restaurant in Little India, taking in the late evening breeze. I got into my car not long after that and made my way to Batu Feringghi.It was the best evening I've had in a long, long time. And I was alone. It was a journey of self-discovery for I discovered so many things about myself yesterday.

Among others, I discovered that I was a good and courteous driver, I loved driving (unbelievable but true!), I was much happier alone than being with someone, I did not have to go clubbing to have fun any more, My idea of fun had changed, I was an eighties kid, I was a very disciplined person, I had two strands of grey hair, I was commitment-phobic and I was much happier alone. :P

Broery Marantika was playing in my car's cd player and I found myself crooning along to his famous tunes such as Widuri, Sepanjang Jalan Kenangan and Angin Malam which are some of my favourites. A wave of nostalgia washed over me as I was transported back in the good ol' days of the eighties when Abah would take me to watch live bands and they often did Broery and Alleycats which explains my inexplicable lifelong infatuation with them. I got curious stares whenever I stopped at traffic lights but I couldn't have cared less! I had wanted to go to Batu Ferringhi in a long time but yesterday, despite the sleepless night the night before which resulted in my head weighing like a tonne of bricks, I braved myself and drove steadily all the way to my destination. It was a totally enjoyable drive as I've always been attracted to the winding roads with the beach peeking from below that lead to this fascinating part of Penang Island. It seems to remind me of the opening part of the crime series I was so into when I was in school, One West Waikiki starring Cheryl Ladd. Well, it's a far cry from Hawaii, but with a little bit of imagination, one's almost there. Almost. Besides, since when is fantasizing a crime?

I don't know if it's just the Cancerian part of me but I have always liked being near water. It has this calming effect on me or rather my frazzled nerves.I especially like being around the sea at sunset and dusk but I have never been bold enough to tell that to anyone for fear of it being a cliche. But then again, how can something so simple yet mistifyingly beautiful be a cliche? Is beauty a cliche?

When I was growing up, I spent a lot of time in Pangkor Island where a very close family friend ran a chalet business. I remember spending countless hours at the beach with Ranger the German Shepherd as my bodyguard. I never had real showers back then for the sea was where I'd bathe the first thing when I woke up. The sea in Pangkor back then was still quite untainted and I could see my feet in the crystal clear seawater and sometimes when I was lucky, I could see tiny fishes swimming around in the shallow sea in lines. They were swimming in lines! I had this gigantic float made out of an unwanted truck tyre tube and I would pretend I was a victim of a shipwreck, floating away in the open sea or that I was a fisherman, catching fish in a 'sampan' when I was really collecting seaweed on a tyre tube!

Ok, back to yesterday. Having bade monsieur soleil goodbye, I parked my car at Park Royal,treaded my way along the sidewalk make-shift stalls selling all sorts of knick-knacks from imitation goods to sex toys and embarked on another therapy: retail therapy! Anyone who knows me knows that if there's anything I hate, it's shopping but yesterday the word 'shopping' was given a whole new meaning in my books. Let's just say that it's made its way into my good books. Satisfied with my loot, I made my way to Park Royal to pee and to get my car. On the way out of the loo, I heard the live band playing and I just had to muster every ounce of resistance in me not to go near them lest i got glued- again! After all, I had intended to go to the Jelutong market to get my mom her favourite 'economy bee hoon' and 'thorng sui'. And so I did.

Ahhh.. I should have more of these kinds of rendezvous, ne c'est pas?

No Mom can be like my Mom!

2007-05-10T20:26:00.000+08:00

I had meant to write this post much earlier on but since it's going to be Mother's Day and all, what's a better time than now to do it? I'll try to steer clear of all those stereotype junks and mushy stuff though as in reality, our (mine and bro's) relationship with Mom is a real one after all.

I'm glad I have a 'normal' Mom who does what other moms do- taking care of her children and not just producing them and then whines incessantly about how difficult raising them is to the whole world!
My mom is no tech-savvy mom but that's her one flaw I'm grateful for. At least it doesn't eat up all our quality time together as my mom and we do real things together and not just some rhetorics on the internet. We shop together, dine together, cook together and gossip too at times! 'm glad i don't have to use the computer to get her attention (if you know what I mean).
For the past 30 years, my mom has been waking up in the wee hours in the morning to take care of many things- breakfast for the family, cleaning the house (she's a clean freak)and also sending my brother and me to school when we were still schooling. She sent and fetched me to and from school right up to form 6!
My mom also cooks everything from scratch and not getting those 'just add water' stuff!
She works hard for everything she wants in life without having to resort to asking for them from other people. Well she does get her bonuses but those are not asked for. She has many things stashed away in the bank but she's not one to show off, I'm happy to say. Her philosophy is this: Those who show off actually have none but those who lie low are those to look out for! How true as I've found out lately that people who like to show off are really insecure people who need all the boost they can get from creating the impression that they can buy the whole world but in truth, they hardly have enough for themselves.
Above all, I'm very glad to have a wise mother who has stood by her children all these while, caring for me and my brother in times of sickness and anguish, sharing our happiness through success after success that she's helped us achieve. I really appreciate what you's done for us, Mom!
I'm glad God sent you to be our Mother!

kappish?

2007-05-03T21:58:00.000+08:00

Oooo.. So 'he' does come in here after all. *Sprays pest repellent all over*.. I don't usually resort to using foul languages like some parties do, but sometimes in order to be understood, one has to speak another's lingo! Kappish?

p.s. go get help before it's too late and keep to your word of not coming anywhere near us any more, will you?

Ode to the poor, battered soul whose name I don't intend to soil my blog with :)

2007-05-03T19:38:00.000+08:00

Oh Wowww!! Never have I expected to have a whole blog entry dedicated to me even though it reeks of defamation, false accusations and foul words which are and never have been taught by any religion but perhaps the person in question is one to deviate? What can I say? I'm deeply touched all the same and the writer of the explicit blog has my heartfelt thanks for having helped me get a few more merit points from God (pahala). I never thought the person in question had such strong feelings towards me to the extent of coming up with a whole entry for me. You know what people say about love-hate relationships. Maybe he's delusional enough to harbour feelings of affection for me. Who wouldn't? (ahem!). I am, after all waaaayyyy better than his companion. (Oh gosh, his delusional ways have gotten to me!)

My initial reaction was to retaliate but after having thought it over, I reckoned I shouldn't stoop as low as the person in question did. After all, my parents have worked so hard to ensure that I go so far in my academics and career by shaping me into the educated person I am today. Boy, am I glad to have parents who love me unconditionally, ones who instilled in me values immeasurable with what money can buy, unlike some parents who have overlooked that part. I'm glad that I'm loved the way I am by so many people including my dearest students and friends without having to seek attention in all the wrong ways especially by using religion and self-righteousness as a front!

But then again, who could blame him for having become this bitter person he is? He comes across as a love and attention deprived person who uses one too many wrong ways to be noticed (which strongly suggests his inner turmoil and difficulty accepting the truth about himself which probably all boils down to his familial background and genetic make-up). Also he has this cynicism and deep hatred for so many things in life that I would strongly suggest the help of a psychiatrist nearest to Bandar Tun Hussein Onn as he seems to be in a very critical state.

Martin Luther King had once said "hate cannot drive out hate, only love can; darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can", and I think it aptly illustrates this situation. I certainly don't hate this person, far from it. My only hope is that he will one day see the light of day for his life has, all this while, been shrouded by total darkness in the caves!

Ini haram itu haram, anak haram, haram jaddah!

2007-05-02T17:50:00.000+08:00

I reckon many pairs of eyes might pop out of their sockets by just reading the title of my this post. To gain some sense and volume on what I'm about to say, go read my brother's blog but I'm quoting him anyway:

"21st century, and guess what? There are still women who need “permission” from their significant others to do even the simplest task on earth. What rights? There’s virtually no rights in society such as the one advocated by some people in this society. When the women breaches the “permission”, first thing that comes to mind in those kind of people is that they will disown their partner. Are women equatable to objects? Are they some kind of baby making machines that they can be “disowned” so easily? It’s not like we are talking about big issues such as cheating or some big financial decision, but a small task of plucking eyebrows."

- http://www.noorhidayatnoordin.com/

What a petty issue, some may think. Isn't eyebrow-plucking just that- plucking a few strands of hairs from one's eyebrows, just like shaving one's beard, moustache and all other hairy what nots ? (think really hairy, bushy and thick!) So why is there so much hoo-haa over the whole thing?

Doesn't Islam promote cleanliness, hygiene and tidiness? Doesn't Islam promote gender equality? If so, why are the men allowed to shave their facial hairs and not the women? Why must muslim women suffer the same fate as Frida Kahlo? Oh, I forgot.. Muslim women have after all been denied of their rights of existence by way of covering them up from head to toe in ugly rag-like cloths so there's no question as to whether the need of shaving arises. So much for gender equality! And oh, again, I forgot muslim men are, after all allowed to take on four wives should the first, second and third wives' eyebrows beat those of Frida's!

I see a plethora of opinions pertaining to the hairy issue. Some muslims are of the opinion that once it's haram, it will always be haram no matter what. I'd like to categorize this sort as those who are incapable of cognitive thinking and are encapsulated in the jahiliyah era when humans were clueless about many things in life namely religion thus resorting to many silly doings (namely killing their baby daughters) and questions on the simplest of matters. Funny that it should happen again in this modern age of technology!

I have friends who can't even recite a word of The Holy Qor'an let alone understand it, yet more often than not they are they same people who would jump to the defense of their 'supposedly' holy religion when the reasonings are slightly questioned. I used to have a friend (we are no longer friends for obvious reasons) who was rarely seen parted with his bottle of whisky but would bite one's head off should the person went anywhere near his Islam. bah!! There was another one who was a porn junkie but at the same time tried to exercise his so-called executive rights on me by asking me to wear the veil! Talk about jahiliyah!! I'm saying this because this aptly illustrates many overly keen muslims who feel that's it's their right to impose things on others and to pry their nose into the privacy of others (such as whether one prays, plucks one's eyebrows or not) so that they're ensured a place in heaven (my foot! for all we know they'd be the ones waving to us from hell!) .

All's not lost for there are still those who use their brains and logic in their daily life and I thank God daily for that! I have noticed that I have a penchant for non-conformists. The world needs more of them for they are the people who, in my opinion, are truly capable in bringing back the glory of Islam. I take my hats off to them (I can't possibly take off my veil as firstly, I don't wear one and don't intend to wear one and taking off my veil might probably be a sin as it invites men to feast their roving eyes on me thus helping them to accumulate their sins by looking at certain parts of my anatomy which will in turn be regurgitated as a captured image in their heads when the need to masturbate arises! :P).

Before I deviate any further from the eyebrow issue, let me just quote this:

“It is known that plucking eyebrows is forbidden. However, some jurists permit light shaping of eyebrows if they are thick and hairy in a way that they harm the eye or appear so wide and thus displease the husband. If it pleases the husband that they are shaped lightly, there is nothing wrong in doing this just to please the husband. As for extreme shaping or plucking, it is not permitted.”

-Dr. Muhammad Bakr Isma`il, Professor of the Exegesis of the Qur'an at Al-Azhar University

See? Who says women have to endure the misery of looking ugly just because men say so? I know of a few staunch muslims whose similarly staunch husbands have not disowned their wives even though they have their eyebrows plucked. A few names like Wardina Safiyah, Nor Diana Naim (of the Mawi fiasco) and Bienda come to mind. Funny I seem to dislike Diana less now that her overall look seems to have taken the turn for the better, thanks to her trimmed eyebrows. I'm sure many are with me on this one as looks, after all, does matter in many people's books.

So to the estranged girlfriend, go have your eyebrows trimmed NOW, girl! Another word of advice would be to drop the Osama wannabe!

I'm a dreamer!

2007-03-10T23:23:00.000+08:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

2007-03-10T21:33:00.000+08:00

2007-03-04T16:16:00.000+08:00

I'll be BACK soon!

The Red Kebaya.. a must-watch!!

2006-12-01T17:24:00.000+08:00

People!!! PLEASE PLEASE go watch this movie!! I watched it twice and cried twice! OK OK!! I'm a sentimental slob but really, it takes a LOT to make me tear..
As a Penangnite, I'm proud that this movie was shot in Penang and at all the beautiful, beautiful places at that!
Not only that, this movie was so full of everything ranging from beautiful costumes, location, cinematography and most important of all, BRILLIANT acting and script! Even the poster's cool.. **Mental note to self: flirt with the cinema guys and get the movie poster!
Maybe I'm a sucker for period movies but this one is phenomenal!
It kind of rang a bell or two up in my head as it reminded me of my beloved late grandma and her glorious days back in the British era in Malaya.. I've NEVER in my life gone to watch a movie (especially a Malay one at that) twice! Might watch it again with another beau ;) hahaha.. I think I'm going to take up acting at The Actor's Studio, Green Hall, Penang.. It's a better way to treat my thyroid problem than all the medications in the world, I think..

*there's more to rave about this movie which I will do later as I have too much on my plate of late... ack.. That's yours truly down there singing "I'm Bloody Beautiful" by James Blunt. LOL

What Eid Means to Me

2006-10-23T15:42:00.000+08:00

Nothing.. another makan-makan (food binge) day and a day for people who celebrate it to show off their new furniture, curtains and jewellery (fake and genuine included), compare which household serves the best food, cookies, etc.
Every year it's the same morbid story of highway accidents, countless cases of firecracker accidents, robberies, burglaries and ah longs (money lenders) bashing people to death for failure to pay their debts.

So what is Hari Raya?

Selamat Hari Raya anyway..

What's becoming of moi?

2006-09-08T10:24:00.000+08:00

Ouucchhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! MY back is killing meeee!!!!!! Been sitting at the computer, in class, on the 'throne', in the car and what have you for too long and now I'm paying the price!
I'm now in one of the labs at uni waiting for one of my students to finish the test he missed yeterday. What a way to kill time (and agony)!

Don't know if it's the hormones working overtime on me but but I've been quite a worrywart these few days. Weeks even. Work and studies (not that there's much of it anyway) have got to me. It's one of those days when I just don't feel like doing anything or talk to anybody. Am I succumbing to my own flaws? Bahhhh..

*Note to self: follow-up check on my thyroid thingy

10 Reasons Why I Will Never be Caught Dead in a Veil

2006-08-27T03:56:00.000+08:00

because it's friggin ugly
because it's friggin hot
because it's troublesome and time consuming to wear it
there's also such a thing as colour coordination
because (some) men are not worth saving our bodies for
because I am not a nun
because there's no reason to
because it really defies the actual purpose of wearing it
because it creates disparity between people
because I don't want to

Bukan Rahsia lagi...

2006-08-21T17:51:00.000+08:00

Been quite a good Monday for me. Work was OK, classes were fun as usual and the weather's hot as always. If it wasn't for the excitement over Siti Nurhazila's big wedding today, I would have thought it to be a typical Monday.

Was in class, caught in a flurry of speech as usual trying to convince my students when my phone started to vibrate incessantly. As the students were all busy with their group discussion, I checked the SMSes and one came from my colleague that read : "Watching CT getting hitched on TV... jangan jealous!" Well, even if I wasn't in class this morning, I doubt I would even have bothered to get up from my slumber just to get a glimpse of Siti bidding farewell to her maiden life. I knew very well I could always count on our Aunty Lilian for a better coverage. LOL

I asked my students' opinions on whether Siti had made a wise choice since we were on the 'stating opinions' part in the syllabus. I got a unanimous answer from them: NO. Not that it surprised me much. When I asked them to justify their statements, I got all sorts of retorts from them. Some really cracked me up. And boy, did that topic make them talk! And there I was thinking to myself at first our students were the more submissive lot.

Their reasons? That Siti is way too good for the (I quote my students) 'useless' man. That the marriage is part of DK's business strategy as Siti is a trophy wife. That Siti is such a SYT to be wasted on someone like DK. LOL My reply? "Have u seen the huge rock on her finger?" I'm very inclined to think that even if we had worked ourselves to the bone in a lifetime, I don't think we could afford that kind of rock. In that size, that is...

But then again, I don't really give a hoot about rocks. Nor do I give a care about getting hitched. Don't really believe in marriage either.

Whatever!

Biarlah Rahsia...

2006-08-17T21:40:00.000+08:00

I've never really been the Siti Nurhaliza type but yeah, she's got great vocals. And this song in particular has attracted my interest with its very meaningful lyrics and catchy tune... And no, I have not been in any clandestine romance with anybody, especially not with a forty-something, thick-moustached man... Eeewww!!!

LYRICS : Biarlah Rahsia

(1)
Pernahkah Kau Bermimpi Seketika
Berada Di Tempatku
Membayangkan Pahit Manis Berlalu
Entah Siapa Yang Tahu

(2)
Mungkin Nanti Kau Jua Merasakan
Berdepan Dengan Kata Menyesakkan
Takkan Tugumu Kebal
Tiada Pertimbangan

Chorus

Keheningan Malam Membangunkan
Kepayahan Jiwa Meluahkan
Andai Kau Jujur Memahami
Tiadaku Menjauhi

Dan Kisahku Yang Masih Panjang
Menambahkan Berat Yang Memandang
Lantas Ku Pendam
Ku Putuskan Biarlah Rahsia

Bridge
Semakin Aku Hidup Dalam Cinta
Tiada Kuasa Mampu Menghalangnya
Hentikan Kata Kata
Bertulangkan Dusta

Pernahkah Kau Bermimpi Seketika
Berada Di Tempatku

things that have happened to me in the past couple of months...

2006-08-17T03:16:00.000+08:00

Went to China and came home safely amidst the typhoon
Stuffed my face with peaches and cherries that were so disgustingly cheap in China
Got myself a car
conquered my fear of driving
started to drive
know how expensive fuel is
working on a new job at a new and BETTER place
lost a few pounds
'reconciled' with some buddies
met new buddies
met new students

I'm alive.... and kicking!!

2006-08-17T02:01:00.000+08:00

Oh, I've been a bad bad girl! Had not been replying my mails, smses, or even updating my blog. A million things have transpired in the short span of time (or was it long?!) since my last entry here. Things have gone from a bumpy ride to a smoother sail now..
My Mongolian students have all gone back to Mongolia for good and that kind of teared me up a bit as to me, they were more than just students. After all, I saw them for a good five hours each day (except at weekends) for classes for the nine months that they were here. Sometimes, they would follow me home after classes for a swim and then dinner. At weekends sometimes they'd call me up and ask me to take them somewhere as they were new to Penang. I was somewhat the teacher cum 'tourist' guide.
Many a time in the past two months of their departure had I wanted to write but I reckoned I was better off not writing. Being the very emotional and sentimental person that I am, and considering the rawness of it all, the very mention of them would have crumbled me.
I still remember when I was told by my then supervisor that I would be expecting five students from Mongolia and I was to teach them English. The language. I was also furnished matter-of-factly by him that their english language ability was bordering zero. And true to his 'warning', that was exactly what or how they turned out to be when I first entered class. At first their wide-eyed, puzzled looks whenever I opened my mouth to speak just made me even more nervous as I had never handled students from Mongolia before. When I was told about them, in my mind, I somewhat had painted a very bias picture of what to expect of people from Mongolia. I pictured them in their furry traditional costumes living in tents of the mountaneous Ulaan Bataar. The closest thing or should I say person I could relate back then to Mongolia was Genghis Khan. Now I don't blame the Aussies when they thought we were still living on trees!

Well, they certainly proved me wrong of everything I'd imagined them to be. They were very fashionable and way more advanced than many of us in terms of mentality and technology. They were very open and assertive about issues deemed taboo here. And it was these qualities together with their un-inhibition that struck me as the direct contrast of our local students here. True, they were playful at times but they made up for it through their diligence and eagerness to learn. I had never come across students who would ask for more exercises and assignments except for them. In no time, they started to speak in a more coherent manner in english. What really touched and shocked me at the same time was their very very expressive and aggressive ways. They were not afraid to express their feelings and stands. Things I had taught them during classes would be used to SMS to me later on. I would normally receive SMSes that read "Hi teacher! How are you? What r u doing?" or "Good night, my dearest teacher. We love you."

There was once in class when I was teaching them on the weather and Jimsee looked out of the window and exclaimed confidently, "Teeecher, now many water come down!" And there I was wondering what the heck that was just being said. A quick look out the window explained it all. Sure enough there was 'many water' from the sky. It was a rainy day that day.

It was the first time after my grandma's passing that i felt a marked sense of loss.. They came here without a word of english and I had been entrusted to impart the language onto them from scratch. There I was using all the means possible just to make them understand me. I had resorted to using sign language, acting things out and even nursery rhymes to make learning and understanding easier and more interesting. I took them on many field-trips too, with many being 'unofficial'. Looking back, I guess their short presence here has helped me a lot in many ways as their larger-than-life personalities have helped me recognise myself better.
We still keep in touch via e-mails and online messenger services. Each time I hear from them is a reminder of the many lessons that we had together. Although they have all returned to Mongolia, they have, in a way brought a part of me with them that is the things I had taught them.

The girls and me..

End of the road.. Shalhaan Burenbayar, Oyuntsetseg Suvd-Erdene, myself, Bayaraa Jimsee and Erdechimeg Mainbayr.. Yeah, their names sound almost Russian...

Well, said The Beatles; Life Goes On. And true to that, my life is still going on. And going on it is. I have new things to look forward to now. New job, new environment, new friends, new colleagues and new responsibilities including my studies. A new chapter is unfolding in my life while I'm sitting here typing this... But, hey! I'm still doing what I do and like best!

For some reason, the song 'bounce' by Sarah Connor is blaring in my head right now. I guess that's me now, bouncing back into life! Hello once again...

I'm a beached whale, no?

2006-06-07T16:25:00.000+08:00

If a picture says a thousand words, then imagine what all these pictures have to tell.. Here are some of the 'sordid' evidence of what I've been up to for the past one week or so of my absence from the blogsphere. I've been around and about in between crashing Hard Disks, blogger's block, (I don't quite fit the cut to be called a 'writer', hence 'writer's block' is simply a form of self-flattery) PMS and and stuffing my face with the most glorious food.

My Mom's famous and super-yummy 'nasi lemak', with the accompaniments of from left 'kerabu timun', fresh cucumber, 'udang goreng assam' (tamarind prawns), 'ayam masak cabai' (dry curry chicken) and hard boiled egg.

Mom would be at her culinary best when my brother is back for the hols and I have him to thank for that as she doesn't cook often. If our place had a chimney, smoke would bellow out from it whenever my dear brother is home as he fancies wholesome home-cooked meals and Mom would go to the lengths to satisfy his cravings. hehehe... Mom promised to give me the recipes for the nasi lemak as well as all the dishes that go with it.

For dessert, I made this simple moist dark chocolate cake that my brother fancies. See? He's spoiled rotten whenever he comes home. I don't mean to flatter myself but it was really yummy, chocolatey and all the jazz that comes with the description of chocolate cakes.

Moist dark chocolate cake in the making...

Fresh out from the oven, still naked with no frosting...

Ok, if you have faith in me that I can bake and cook and trust me enough to want to make this cake, then here's the recipe:

Ingredients:
1 1/2 cup self rasing flour
half cup cocoa powder (sift together with the flour)
1 block (250 gm) of butter (never compromise butter with margarine if you want good quality stuff)
3 large eggs
250 ml low-fat milk
1-2 tablespoonful of chocolate paste (replace this with double boiled chocolate of your choice if you wish to but bittersweet is best)
1 1/3 cup caster sugar
1-2 tsp. vanilla essence
a small pinch of instant coffee powder

Method:
In a large and deep bowl, beat the butter and sugar till light and fluffy. Then, add in eggs one by one and continue whisking till eggs are well mixed with the butter mixture. Add the chocolate paste, vanilla essence and coffee powder and continue whisking till they are evenly mixed. OK, now stop using the electric beater and set it aside. Using a plastic cake spatula, slowly fold in the sifted flour and cocoa powder, a bit at a time alternating with the l.f. milk. Stir until mixture is not lumpy and it's ready to be baked.

Chocolate Glaze

1 cup/250 ml Whipping cream
8 oz/250 gm Semi-sweet or bittersweet real chocolate chopped into bite-size pieces
2 tablespoons/30 ml Unsalted butter at room temperature (optional enrichment)

Heat the whipping cream to the boiling point in a small saucepan.
Place the chocolate in a medium bowl and pour the boiling cream over the chocolate.
Using a plastic spatula, slowly stir the chocolate and cream mixture until it is smooth. Stir in the butter enrichment until well blended. Use immediately.

And after being 'dressed' i.e. coated with chocolate fudge...

The death of moi... Choccies!!! Too bad I could not find dark choc and had to settle for these instead.. But they certainly did help in times of emergencies.. and it was better than not having any at all..

This carrot cake from The Coffee Bean is just to die for... mmmhhhh.... Since I live just a door away from Bukit Jambul Complex where there's a CBTL outlet, it takes every ounce of my willpower to resist the temptation of going inside to get myself a piece every time I walk pass the cafe...

It's a wonder that I've lost a kilo instead of gaining weight with all the food that's gone into my tummy.. I normally retain water when I'm PMSing and gain a stupendous amount of weight that makes me feel like a beached whale but this time around, I feel lucky... Thanks to the treadmill! hehehe...

Music that inspires me

2006-05-30T14:29:00.000+08:00

Top of The World - The Carpenters
Before The Next Teardrop Falls - Freddie Fender
Hotel California - The Eagles
Casablanca - Bertie Higgins
Widuri - Broery Marantika
Quando Quando - Engelbert Humperdinck
Green Green Grass of Home - Tom Jones
Words - Bee Gees
Oh Carol - Paul Anka
Yesterday - The Beatles
By the Rivers of Babylon - Boney M.
Hingga Akhir Nanti/Jika Kau Bercinta Lagi/Andainya Aku Pergi Dulu - Alleycats
Regresas A Ami - Il Divo
Yue Liang Tai Biao Wo Te Xing (The Moon Represents My Heart) - Teresa Teng
Milik Siapakah Gadis Ini - Sudirman
Wajah Rahsia Hati - Sheila Majid/Ogy Ahmad Daud
To All The Girls I've Loved Before - Julio Iglesias & Willie Nelson
Humko Humise Churaa Lo OST Mohabbatein - Lata Mangeshkar & Udit Narayan
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai - Lata Mangeshkar & Udit Narayan
Right Here Waiting - Richard Marx/Byran Adams
Where Is The Love - Black Eyed Peas
25 Minutes/Sleeping Child/Paint My Love - Michael Learns to Rock
Smoke Gets In Your Eyes - The Platters
Are You Lonesome Tonight/Love Me Tender - Elvis Presley
Unforgettable- Nat King Cole and Natalie Cole
Que Sera Sera - Connie Francis
Terima Kasih -Awie
Isabella - Search
Suratan atau Kebetulan - Kenny, Remy & Martin
Nyanyian Serambi - Ramli Sarip

I know all of the above songs by hard, lyrics and all. Each of them reminds me of something or certain places or someone. So, if I were to be judged through all the songs that I like, what could be said about me? One thing's for sure, I'm a sentimental slob.. And I'm not so young at heart though I may be young at age..I can't stand listening to songs that are indecipherable to me, be it the lyrics or melody. I can't stand 'noisy' songs which to me is like slurred speech, sung by people with speech disorder. That's just my opinion but I have nothing against the genre of music, afterall I still listen to The Black Eyed Peas which makes good music with good messages to boot.

Ten of Life's Simple Pleasures

2006-05-27T04:05:00.000+08:00

I should really thank my blog mentor and sifu, ChanLilian for tagging me with this one. I had wanted to blog on the same thing and perhaps even tag people with it. But I guess my thoughts were capable of echoing their way into our 5xmom's house and into her thoughts hence her beating me to it. LOL. Great minds think alike, they say. hehe..
So, here goes nothing...

1) Taiwanese pearl Milk Tea from Uncle Jimmy (really calms my wrecked nerves!)
2) rich dark, fine chocolates especially when I'm PMSing
3) my 2 cuddly kitties to play with
4) the glimmer and sparkle in my students' eyes each time they thoroughly grasp the concept of something I teach them and use the things I teach in their sms'es and e-mails to me
5) the heady smell of caramel and vanilla everythings (think popcorn,soft pretzels withdips,ice-cream, custard)
6) good and sound advice from my dear ones (my family, my best'est' friend (MJ) in the whole wide world and my Ustaz)
7) when all my normally tight clothes are loose
8) really good concealers especially after days of sleeplessness
9) new magazines to read every beginning of the month
10) good blogs I look forward to reading and coming home to

Hmm... The problem now is, *drumroll* whom to tag this with? Care to tag yourself?

Back to Campus Life for moi!

2006-05-26T20:44:00.001+08:00

Yesterday and today saw me milling about my uni as I had gone there to see my professor after having taken two semesters off to concentrate on work. I could tell he was glad I chose to continue with my masters. He even offered me a job which I have gladly taken up without any hesitation! And boy, do I miss studying! Above all, I've never missed my uni so much! As I was treading my way towards my faculty, the familiar sights of the campus really made me realise there is really no place else I'd rather be. (apart from home, of course). I've spent five years here now.. Went in to do my degree in 2001 and graduated in 2004, then proceeded directly thereafter with my masters. The only difference is that I'm all alone now compared to my degree years when my buddies (coursemates) were around. And being alone sometimes sucks. It sucks even more when there's no one around to remind me about the deadline of some projects or to exchange notes with or to make me feel like a smart-ass. (I miss you, Dolly and Kok Hin!) But of course, I have to look on the brighter 'sights' (pun intended) of things. Well, literally, there are many at my uni. Bright sights, I mean. Take a look at these photos and you'll know what I mean.
I remember when i was nine or so, I was watching this malay movie called 'Ali Setan' starring Ogy Ahmad Daud and Azmil Mustapha and the film was shot at USM. Since then, I had wanted to go to USM as it all looked so beautiful to me and USM personified university life for me. Easier said, as a child, I dreamt of growing up and becoming Ogy in Ali Setan! hahaha.. Too bad for me, I didn't find any Alis in my five years of being there...Only Setans! LOL.

Me in graduation robe back in 2004.. muka control.. hehehe

Dewan Tuanku Syed Putra where the grand hall (where I received my scroll la) and lecture halls are housed.

The stairway to my faculty... Isn't it lovely?

.
My faculty... Pusat pengajian Ilmu Kemanusiaan.. Supposed to make us all more humane there.. hehehe..

I'll post more pics of my uni as there are so many sights of it to fall in love with...

I'm REALLY lucky to have chinese blood flowing in ma veins

2006-05-24T23:03:00.000+08:00

Every certain time of each year, my Mom will bring these little parcels home for the whole family to enjoy (She has a long time friend who makes them religiously each year since I could remember). I don't know what they signify (hmm.. I can't be THAT ignorant, can I? hehehe) but the most important thing is, they're really delicious with a capital D! hehehe.. D is for 'dumpling' and that's what they're called in English. In Chinese (Hokkien) , they're called 'chang'.
It's like a parcel of surprise as the lotus leaf that's used to wrap the glutinuous rice promises fillings such as lotus seed, candle nuts, meat (sometimes chicken, sometimes pork...think really oily, fatty meat), black-eyed peas, salted egg yolk and what have you. Sometimes, there are ones with the peanut filling (the white coloured grain one) which is my favourite! yummyyyyy!!!

See? I'm so blessed to be partially Chinese as we get to eat everything every festivity has to offer.. and there are many!

Interview Hoax!

2006-05-23T23:05:00.000+08:00

From the Desk of Maximillian Lam.

HP Malaysia Sdn Bhd - LPR Marketing (282141-M)

Dear Nurzalanah,

Thank you for filling up the online questionnaire. We are pleased to announce that your application is in fact a “match” to the “profile” of the types of positions which are available. I wish to meet up with you personally which is why you are not being contacted by my secretary but by me in person.

We need Part Time & Full Time candidates to work in our “WELLNESS & HUMAN RESOURCES DIVISION” for the following positions:

· Customer Care Services

· Customer Support

· Recruitment

· Promotion & Team Building

· Training & Coaching

(Approximately 1 out of 50 resumes are selected to meet us personally)

Our interviews schedules are as follows:

· Tuesday to Friday - 11.00 am OR 12.30pm

· Wednesday evening - 8.30 pm AND

· Saturday afternoon - 3.30 pm

The above interviews will take place in KLCC areas – addresses will be disclosed to you when you Call choosing your interview schedule with me. After the confirmation, please come on time and be in smart business attire. Bring pen and paper along as you may have questions during the interview which we will be happy to cover at the end, before our final round of selection. PLEASE DO NOT EMAIL.

Please call - Monday to Friday 10.00 am – 6.00 pm.

Tel: 017 2329 348

Yours sincerely,

Maximillian Lam.

soleilina says: well, fuck u, Maximillian Lam!

I got the above in my mail through my subscription to Jobstreet. So I called 'Maximillian' (even the name's all fake and all wrong) Who in their right mind would name themselves 'Maximillian"?! And the Max fler told me to go for an interview at Evergreen Laurel Hotel instead as i'm based in Penang. So I did as told, to be smartly attired and be on time at 8.30 p.m. It turned out that the 'interview' was actually some product launch of a multilevel marketing company and we were supposed to be 'interviewed' to be the distributors/agents. What a total waste of time! I'll NEVER NEVER be part of some MLM bullshit!

Good laksa and bubur kacang

2006-05-23T02:05:00.000+08:00

The other day, my friend and I were driving around town contemplating what to have for tea. Well, at that time, I wasn't really into the high protein diet yet though I was still watching it. hehehe.. Neway, we ended up at one of our favourite spots for afternoon tea, behind Gama supermarket. That place is famous for its 'bubur kacang' (mungbean broth) and yummy laksa. So there I was debating with myself whether 'bubur kacang' was diet-friendly or otherwise. LOL. This place has been around since I was a school-going kid as I have fond memories of stopping by there with mom to eat after she came to fetch me up from school. A bowl of 'bubur' (a choice of bubur gandum, bubur kacang hijau and bubur pulut hitam) costs 80 sen while the laksa is RM2, i think. I did take some photos of all the buburs, but they didn't turn out nicely as I wasn't in the mood to snap. I was only in the mood to snap up my bubur la!

Mamak doing his stuff

Laksa