Overheard In Portland

Know your landmarks

2009-07-05T18:05:00.003-04:00

Woman: "This isn't the beach. It's the ocean!"

Man: "Oh, really?"

Woman: "The Atlantic Ocean."

(Overheard at Popham Beach in Phippsburg.)

Good Cop/Bad Cop

2009-07-05T08:44:00.002-04:00

Drunk Guy: "You be the good cop, I'll be the bad cop. Which is awesome cause you're bigger and I'm littler!"

(Overheard on Congress Street near the Eastern Prom before the fireworks)

Oops

2009-07-05T08:41:00.003-04:00

Teenage boy, to his friend: "You know, man, Kaitlin's looking pretty hot tonight."

Friend: (unintelligible)

Teenage boy: "I didn't mean to hit her in the face!"

(Overheard by MH after the fireworks on the Eastern Prom)

Street Soap Opera

2009-07-04T04:35:00.000-04:00

Very intoxicated woman, to equally intoxicated man: "Listen to me: listen, wouldja? It's a marriage of convenience."

(Overheard on Park Street)

Lazy

2009-07-03T14:38:00.003-04:00

Woman 1: "You know, I really don't like Kristin."

Woman 2: "What, 'cause she's mean?"

Woman 1: "No, 'cause she's lazy! I mean, come on, if you can't walk around for two hours then you have a problem. It's not strenuous. We are not asking her to jog."

The Inheritance

2009-07-03T14:37:00.002-04:00

Older man, to boy with phone at next table: "You talkin' to California?"

Boy's mom: "No, we are at Starbucks."

Older man: "You got a rich aunt out there! Be good to her!"

It was a Good day in the Neighborhood!

2009-07-03T09:54:00.003-04:00

One trash guy to the other: "Oh, my gosh - these cookies are still warm."

(later the same day)

Young man to his lady friend: "Of course they love me! I just got new socks."

(overheard by Hanson's Carriage House Antiques)

Here's Where Math Skills Come in Handy

2009-07-02T08:00:00.000-04:00

Gushy Woman (admiring adorable baby): "How old is she?"

Mom: "She just turned one."

Gushy Woman (noticing the baby's brothers): "How old are they?"

Mom: "One is three, and one is five."

Gushy Woman: "Twins?"

Mom: "Um, no."

(Overheard by JSF in Monument Square)

Musical

2009-07-01T11:42:00.002-04:00

Preschooler (emits a long fart, then contemplates for a while): "Sounds like jazz!"

(Overheard by Dorcas Beaver at a Portland area preschool)

What's The Big Deal?

2009-06-28T16:58:00.002-04:00

Young zombie girl, with deathly pale skin, long reddish braids, many wounds and bloodstains, and one arm: "Why is everybody staring at me? So I only have one arm - it's not that unusual!"

(Overheard at Zombie Kickball on the Eastern Prom in the rain)

Career Paths

2009-06-26T16:26:00.002-04:00

Man: "She was a post hole digger. She put in fence posts for the county. This was after the money-laundering."

(Overheard on Park Street)

President Ninja

2009-06-25T10:58:00.002-04:00

First thirteen year-old boy: "I love Obama."

Second thirteen year-old boy: "Me too, I love Obama. He's a ninja."

First thirteen year-old boy: "Yeah, he is a ninja."

(Overheard on Brighton Ave)

I think I'll let the Universe Step Up to the Plate

2009-06-25T10:52:00.004-04:00

Cashier, to woman buying lottery tickets: "Do you keep the ones that aren't winners?"

Woman (shaking her head): "I think I'll let the universe step up and help me become a winner. Easy pick. Though if I don't win, it doesn't mean the universe doesn't love me. Just not my turn."

(overheard at Hannaford on Forest Avenue in the morning)

Sunshine Scat Mid-week

2009-06-24T21:07:00.002-04:00

30-ish brunnette women by voice, approximately 5'8ish walking down the street, I could only see her head as her voice called out to no one for the sheer act of Singing.

A clear voice singing Scat that was so full of Joy!

Thank you! After so much rain it was a gladness to hear joy vs. complaints about the weather.

(overhead from a window on Park Street, around 8:30pm)

It's Gonna Be an Awesome Party

2009-06-23T02:47:00.000-04:00

Macho guy on cellphone, standing in line with his shopping cart: "Yo, I got a 30-pack of Coors Light and some Dunkeroos, bro!"

(Overheard at Hannaford)

A World of Work

2009-06-21T09:19:00.000-04:00

Bedraggled guy talking to himself on Congress Street at 10PM: "It's a premonition! Stay away from me, I have a world of work to do."

(Overheard by DM on Congress Street)

That is SO Portland

2009-06-19T06:00:00.001-04:00

Portland voter: "I love gay marriage. And I would vote for the freaking dog catcher if she were a democrat."

(Overheard by J J-M at the June 12th special election)

Sick

2009-06-18T22:22:00.004-04:00

Young boy watching friend play Gameboy: "Sick! Sick! Sick!"

Friend, playing Gameboy: "I am not throwing up!"

First boy: "I know! It's just awesome!"

It's a miracle!

2009-06-18T22:07:00.002-04:00

Teenage girl to mother using Slap-Chop: "Mom, you are Vince! My mother is the Chosen One!"

Dawn's Announcement

2009-06-18T17:15:00.001-04:00

Girl on Phone: "Well, whatever you do, it won't be as bad as the time Dawn stood up and told everyone she was a racist."

(Overheard by M P-S at Material Objects)

A Perfect Example of Why You Shouldn't Ask That Question

2009-06-17T19:49:00.003-04:00

Woman number one: "So, are you pregnant?"

Woman number two: "No, I'm just fat."

(Overheard by MH in an office waiting room in Portland)

Indoor Cat

2009-06-14T20:32:00.002-04:00

Catch-playing girl number one: "Your cat's name is Tigger? That is like the most unoriginal name ever. I bet that there are a million cats named Tigger."

Catch-playing girl number two: "So? He'll never know: he's an indoor cat!"

(Overheard by JR on the Western Prom)

I'm Going to Assume She's Not Talking to a Commercial Pilot

2009-06-11T07:15:00.001-04:00

Young woman, on cell phone: "Well, if you fuck up, nobody's gonna die."

(Overheard at Hannaford)

They're everywhere

2009-06-08T18:21:00.003-04:00

Mom to toddler: "Careful! Human beings! Human beings! You're an infant!"

(Overheard at the Old Port Festival)

RUSH...great last name when ordering take out.

2009-06-06T21:55:00.006-04:00

Person taking a to-go order to person on the phone: "And a name please."

(Person on phone replies)

Order taker: "RUSH, ok. It'll be ready in 15 minutes."

Order taker turns to kitchen hands in order and says: "RUSH!"

(Overheard around 8ish while dining at Haggarty's)