Unbridled Warhorse

SPORK SPORK SPORK!!!

2008-04-26T11:28:00.004-06:00

Those of you practicing due diligence in healing the earth are invited to:
1. Watch this video (thank you and thank you).

2. "Be saddened" and "regret" the harsh climate effects of personal aircraft. Propose Gen-Con 2009 legislation mandating that all private aircraft owned or hired by TEC serve comestibles that can be sporked. Mandate said aircraft offer sporks as the only choice of eating utensil.

3. Get sporked.
3a. I wonder if I'll ever merit a spork on my coat of arms?
3b. "Spork" is almost as fun to say as Plump Pea Dumplings, especially if you eat spam with a spork.
3c. Buy reusable titanium sporks at Amazon, there are LOTS to choose from.
3d. Find anyone who can take you seriously when you take sporks seriously.
3e. Product brand a spork. Years ago I discovered the pun "Ang'lican Good". The time has come to trademark and sell the lickable, re-lickable Ang'lickin' Good Spork. I am "saddened" and "regret" the unfortunate necessity of the term "Anglican" for said pun.

4. Don't poke fun at such serious subjects.

Plump Pea Dumplings

2008-04-22T17:37:00.003-06:00

Google ads suggests I try cooking Plump Pea Dumplings.

I'm not tempted as they look just like I imagine Plump Pea Dumplings would look, but I have NEVER come across a dish that is more fun to say than Plump Pea Dumplings.

"Tonight, live on stage, Plump Pea Dumplings, and the orchestra!"

"It came from the bottom of the sea to seek its ancient revenge on Plump Pea Dumplings!"

"I have a black belt in Plump Pea Dumplings!"

"Yes, yes, take the Waterloo line to the Plump Pea Dumplings Station and we're across from the pub." (n.b. I never met a pea in England that wasn't mushy (pronounced "mooshy", and they sure are).)

PLUMP PEA DUMPLINGS is an anagram for
MALIGNED PLUMP PUP
SIGNALED PLUMP PUMP
MANGLED PUPIL PUMPS
SLAMMED UPPING PULP
PALMED PLUMPING PUS

Plump Pea Dumplings Plump Pea Dumplings Plump Pea Dumplings!!! I just can't get enough.

Oxford Pub a Dub Dub

2008-04-14T15:18:00.002-06:00

Again courtesty of Blogless Phil (who apparently reads better source material than I do): NYT on Oxford Pubs!

Add this to the list of reasons why Oxford is a good place to study whether or not you care about academics.

NCAA Hoops Post Mortem

2008-04-10T09:07:00.003-06:00

Perhaps it's painfully obvious that having picked the Final Four (just like everyone else lame enough to pick the #1 seeds) I picked neither semi final outcome correctly.

The moral: Buying into a Tournament Pool is gambling. I lost no money. Let's hear it for UCLA in the F4 next year.

Dawkins Dig

2008-04-03T07:04:00.002-06:00

Pip-pip to my friend blogless Phil and Vox Populi.

Caveat videor, mildly gratuitous and profane:

Dawkins - Beware The Believers- [Dicky D Rap]
Uploaded by randomslice

Dawkins official web site declares itself an oasis of clear thought and unable to comprehend this video. Dicky D's garnering a response from Richard "ecce the mindless progress" Dawkins means that, regardless of what the vid means, Dicky D wins.

Bruisin' Bruins

2008-03-29T18:49:00.002-06:00

As I daftly predicted (or is that deftly?) the Bruins secure a F4 slot. And look rather balanced against Xavier the Deposed.

In other really important updates I picked 10 of the S16 and 5 of the E8. My F4 picks are all still viable and favored. And the #1 seeds (I know, not very creative). And short of Davidson making things exciting the #1 seeds appear entirely worthy of the F4.

Being a guessing man, I'll sugguesst that Memphis is the 1-seed most vulnerable. Sharpen them 'horns, Texas.

Money or Quicken? cuz I want money quick.

2008-03-29T15:39:00.003-06:00

Owing to the millions of expert readers who peruse this space I hereby offer a query: Which is better Microsoft Money or Intuit Quicken?

I'm considering an upgrade to current banking software, and my version of MS Money is so old I don't mind starting over.

I've spent the afternoon perusing the respective products on Amazon and all I can really tell is that all reviewers of Money are upset about Money just like all reviewers of Quicken are upset about Quicken. Both products appear overzealous about trying to do too many foofy things that I don't care about.

Here is what I care about:

I want to aggregate and manage at a glance multiple accounts.
I want to keep tabs on very small scale investment accounts.
I want to budget and generate reports suitable for general and tax purposes.
I want something relatively intuitive to use.
I DO NOT want software that installs irritating tray icons that slow down my system and offers me services I cannot turn off. I'm typically looking at YOU Microsoft.
I DO NOT want to be overanalyzed by a fancy program and told every 3 seconds a bill is due, a budget is compromised, a star is born.
I don't want freeware, a spreadsheet, or the kind of program that I have to constantly tinker with. All the Linux types I know swear this is never an issue for anything they run, which doesn't quite explain why they keep a special computer just for their Linux stuff (usually at a wife's insistence) which never seems to be working right.
Ideally said software would accurately predict stocks and the end times, but I'll settle for 1-7.

Both products seem to meet my desires. They both do online banking and blah blah blah. I'm slightly intimidated to unleash either beast on my computer and finances though. Surely someone out there has the answer?

Meanwhile, back at the Easter Ranch...

2008-03-26T11:45:00.004-06:00

The Good News of Easter is that we eat too much hamburger and are drowning the impoverished of the South Pacific.

No, really.

The atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ through his incarnation, death, and resurrection is such a gas. Apparently.

NCAA eh? The Bruins Year

2008-03-22T06:35:00.003-06:00

One of the things I have acquired in seminary is an interest in the NCAA Basketball tournament. I attribute this to a variety of factors: Bruins as F4 staple, strong WI representation, classmates who are nutty fans of Duke, Florida, Aggies, etc.

I don't know much about basketball. Me filling out a bracket is tantamount to gambling if there's money involved, which there isn't. I have no clue how bracket points work. But the bracket is a lot of fun and my being relatively neutral makes it pretty straightforward.

My prediction: Bruins take it all this year. Over UNC. No, I can't make any kind of reasonable guess at the final score. And maybe another championship will somehow convince UCLA that the pasty blue color should be replaced with something more noble.

I missed 5 picks in the 1st round, only 2 of which effect my S16. Thanks for nothing IU, Clemson, Vandy, Drake, and U-Conn.

Don't expect my lack of knowledge or pecuniary commitment to keep me from crowing and whining at every round. Since there's nothing riding on my predictions look for this to be a year when I could have made millions on my bracket (and promptly given it all to starving 3rd world seminarians).

Chuck Norris is religious

2008-03-17T05:46:00.006-06:00

Here is a curious vid:

I was somewhat unsure how to think about this promotion but came to realize it was not Chuck Norris' first action on behalf of Christendom:

and

In case you're wondering, let me be the first to assure you that a spinning hook in-cassock is about as hard as you'd think.

Clips are from Firewalker, which you should endure to support treasure hunters who smoke, drink, impersonate priests, and stick it to guerillas - occasionally all at the same time.

Microsoft, please update your pseudepigraphal vocabulary

2008-03-12T12:37:00.004-06:00

***Updated at the end***

I'm writing on 1 Enoch at the moment and Word is not being helpful.

Maccabean: suggest replacing with Macarena
Pseudepigrapha: no suggestions
pseudepigraphal: no suggestions
pseudepigraphon: no suggestions
intertestamental: no suggestions
Intertestamental: no suggestions
rabbinics: suggest replacing with rabbinic
pericope: suggest replacing with periscope
unfallen: suggest replacing with ungallant

Enochic: (the clear winner despite Macarena for Maccabean) suggest replacing with gnocchi, anarchic, or erotic.

If you like Dante and you like Tolkien you should read 1 Enoch. I suspect that maybe Tolkien did.

***Update***
Hasmoneans: suggest replacing with Tasmanians, Houstonians, Harmoniums. Really, what good is a spell checker that can't keep Hasmonians straight from Harmoniums?

Foot Karma

2008-03-05T09:33:00.003-06:00

I prefer not to wear shoes. This is realistic less often than I like. Consequently when my feet must be oppressed I prefer their comfort, which results in the paradox that someone who dislikes shoes probably spends more on them.

Merrells have been good to my feet in years past. I just found the Merrell Karma, which is about ideal for regular semi-dress use.

The irony is equally appealing. Here is a pig skin shoe named Karma. Not only did the pig warrant death, he warrants being tread underfoot in death. Or, what if you are reincarnate from the pig whose skin became the shoes you now wear? Wouldn't that be ironic? Stomping your ancestor must merit returning as something else terrible.

Bottom line: Don't get these shoes or don't believe in reincarnation. And pass the bacon.

Achilles sets his armor down.

2008-03-05T07:09:00.003-06:00

I am officially the first person (on this blog) to break the story that Brett Favre is retiring.

Raised a Cowboys fan, Green Bay wasn't a team to root for so much as a team to contend against. But, and this makes me the worst sports fan in existence, I'm a sucker for a juggernaut.

It's proven impossible to live in Wisconsin and resent the Packers. They haven't exactly been a juggernaut in seasons past but Brett Achilles Gunslinger The Man Favre is irresistably likeable.

If you listen to Wisconsin sports radio you can bet quarters to nickels that any given show will have a Brett Favre update. One might get tired of hearing about Favre. One might wonder how so much of Wisconsin life/economy/religion can revolve around Favre.

But then again, my uncle and cousins made a special trip from CA to see Greenbay play at Lambeau last season. They shut the Vikings out at Lambeau. The trip was worth every penny to them, and that's no few pennies any more.

I have missed the opportunity to see the closest thing we might have to Achilles on the plain of Troy. Really, no matter who you root for, if you're going to see one pro football game before you die, wouldn't it have to be Favre and the Packers at Lambeau? Maybe your team against Favre and the Packers at Lambeau?

And it has become in the last decades playing Favre and the Packers, not the Packers and Favre. He is the face of immortality for this generation of the team and perhaps the league.

He wasn't perfect. Now the endless arguments will commence about just how great he was/wasn't. But it's no small thing to go public with your triumphs (all the records, Super Bowl MVP) and tragedies (painkillers). And fans don't want perfection (which is why Tom Brady will never sell more jerseys than Favre), they want a hero. They want to cheer for the guy who starts every game so excited he usually needs to get sacked once or twice in order to settle down and throw for immortality.

Well done Mr. Favre. Thanks for giving people a reason to love big sports.

***

Great article online here.

Wheatstone Academy: Separating Chaff since 2000

2008-03-04T20:43:00.003-06:00

Here's a shameless plug for Wheatstone Academy, a program I have been privileged to work for several times since the inaugural conference.

Wheatstone does the kind of education that excites me: it doesn't get much better than touring art museums, reading Plato, dangling off cliffs, etc. With high school students. In FabuLos Angeles.

If you or your bright and motivated adolescents are looking for an opportunity to blow the circuits on your Christianity I can't think of a better opportunity. Tell them I sent you.

To learn more check out the web site. Pay especial attention to the new promo video that features my friends and students. Oh, and my still photography.

Filthy Capitalism - weakly executed

2008-02-01T19:32:00.000-06:00

In an endeavor to diversify the portfolio of my creativity, I have taken my first step towards the Forbes 400 by opening a CafePress speculation.

It would be better if I had more than one idea; fortunately it's a somewhat flexible idea. To better appreciate the pastoral issues of cow tipping, behold my thoughtless wit (or witless thought):

This hilarious pun available with other state names upon request. Click the pic to buy the image on just about anything. I particularly recommend getting one of each for everyone you know.

My mark-up is $1 per item sold, so I only need to sell about a billion items to make the Forbes 400. And actually I have to sell twice that because my artwork is courtesy of Josh K, who for that favor is earning 50% of all profits. So buy 2 billion because he has a pregnant wife to feed.

May we burn her?

2007-12-18T12:04:00.000-06:00

When I was an undergraduate one of our favorite bad questions was "Is it acceptable to torment the damned?"

This was the sort of loaded bad question you could drop on zealous underclassmen who would emerge three hours later with some vague notion they needed to break up with their girlfriends and spend more time praying. (Though, to be fair, these were the default conclusions of underclassmen after any real discussion) Our very favorite bad question was "If God created a rock so big he couldn't lift it, would it make him insecure?" Once I asked it on a discussion board as a joke. Dozens of posts later earnest people were asking me for the true answer.

The bad question in question has bad premises, assumes badly that we could know, and uses the word "damned" which must be bad if you go to an evangelical protestant liberal arts college. And probably most times I asked the bad question it was with a supercilious air of torment with little concern for the immortal state of my targets. I am concerned that some day I shall have my reward in full. Still, the question came to mind today in consideration of Christian violence/non-violence.

Jesus models non-violence and exhorts us in almost every circumstance to do likewise, right? I think so. What do we make of Jesus inciting violence against himself? For he surely did. He incited individuals, mobs, establishments, and even governments against himself with the ultimate violent end. If violence is bad then how can this be a good thing? Was this spurring non-believers on to unrighteous acts? If you're Jesus is it acceptable to torment the damned?

Divine Justice is a tricky thing. Lord have mercy on those who may or must weild it.

Amazon Wins Beedle the Bard Bid!

2007-12-15T10:27:00.001-06:00

In a shrewd move, Amazon.com won the Sotheby's auction for the single commercially available copy of J.K. Rowling's Tales of Beedle the Bard.

Really cool photographs (and apparently spoilers for those of you waiting to get your copy) here.

Maybe for Amazon this is a huge publicity stunt. Maybe it's donation to a good charitable cause to the tune of $4 million. Maybe it's an investment and this book will actually go up for sale on Amazon. Maybe it's to protect the copyright integrity of the volume. In any case you have to think Amazon wins in all this.

And, apparently JoRo hand inked all seven volumes that were produced: none of them are prints. So there are seven unique volumes in existence. If that's not magical I don't know what is.

Bunked by the magic plastic card

2007-12-10T19:51:00.000-06:00

Here's a question: If a frequent flier mileage credit card offers you $50 off a ticket for signing up, is it worth it?

My former professional life involved these questions on a regular basis. The moral is almost always that the catches make the deals not worth it.

But I anticipate a LOT of travel in the next year so I read the finest print and accepted this offer. With a full awareness that the $50 annual fee would immediately offset the saved $ from my first ticket.

So now I have the card, and yes the print gets even finer. No APR interest charged on balance transfers, that's good. Oh, wait, there's a "finance charge" for transfers of 3%, capped at $50. If I transfer $2000 (which I'm pleased to say I can't do) the fee is $50. But at least I get a FF mile for every dollar transferred so that helps right? Well, cashing them in for a ticket takes 25,000 miles, so in this scheme 25k miles are probably worth about $300 assuming I can get on the flight I want, which makes the cash-munny value of each mile-dollar transferred about a penny. So, I pay $50 to earn 2000 miles, worth about $20. The only way transferring balances is worthwhile is if you transfer so many the finance charge is mitigated. To break even I have to transfer $5000 and pay it off before the robust interest rate kicks in. This balance transfer offer is the kind of dog that should be kicked for looking cute but wanting to bite your hand.

Is the card a deal? Jury is out. I get to try it free for a year. I don't spend that much regularly on credit so it will remain to be seen if tickets purchased are a clincher and can make this work in my favor. I'm no longer optimistic.

And if you stopped reading before you go to this point your probably the kind of consumer that fine print printers make money off of. Not that you know it.

What can you end a sentience with an awareness of?

2007-11-28T22:21:00.000-06:00

I know, lame joke. But I'm writing on sentience at the moment, and if you can't end a sentience with a preposition, what can you end it with?

Enchanted (mostly): 2 hedons

2007-11-24T09:01:00.001-06:00

The Fam did see the Dis' Enchanted yesterday, and we liked it.

As Disney fare it's pretty good. The previews make it look like a goofy cartoon spoof. There is actually substance to the story that is probably redemptive.

Of course, this is Disney, so any such redemption is aimed at merchandising, park profits, and the corporate bottom line.

That the film is deliberately ironic about "true love sells" and "fairy tales are better than real life" is still an acknowledgment of true love and the goodness of fairy tales.

Look for Giselle to join the pantheon of Disney princesses on shelves and in parks near you. Nobody could really be that good, but we all want to believe.

Huck Chuck!

2007-11-19T18:35:00.000-06:00

I'm inclined to vote for Mike Huckabee just for doing a Chuck Norris Facts ad.

I don't know anything about Mike Huckabee. And I'm almost surely the kind of voting sucker every candidate would take a vote from if it came to running a hilarious ad.

Besides, Chuck Norris trained in Tang Soo Do and taught Bruce Lee the Tang Soo Do kicking techniques that became part of Jeet Kune Do. And I did Tang Soo Do and have seen at least one Bruce Lee movie, so I think Chuck Norris is very trustworthy.

Good thing my grandmother is still around to advise me on matters of substance and be sure I punch the right chad. If you need someone to explain how a breakfast taco should be made I'm your man. Picking a leader of the free world is more of a challenge.

Kulix libation to The Shark for this one.

ODCC take a price plunge

2007-11-19T11:49:00.000-06:00

Amazon is selling the Oxford Dictionary of the Christian Church for $67.76 including shipping. Fr. H would say, "Why have you even waited thing long to buy it?"

Normal price is more like $150 for the 2005 3rd Edition. I'm sorely tempted to get this edition but maybe the cheapness is due to a newer one coming out? Or maybe the price will go even lower?

Eucharist in Genesis 40

2007-11-19T11:30:00.000-06:00

In the Joseph novella of Genesis Jesus makes a cameo.

Joseph interprets the dreams of Pharoah's cupbearer and baker. After 3 days the cupbearer is restored to the right hand of his lord. The baker is hanged on a tree.

This is eucharistic symbolism with christological implications. Bread is body and for body, sustenance for this life. Cup is blood and for spirit, sustenance unto life eternal. In Genesis.

I maintain you can read an awful lot of the Bible in such lights. This is perhaps the earliest unmistakable eucharistic instantiation. In fact I'd be thrilled to know if there's an earlier one that I haven't found.

Bovver yourself: Cathering Tate hits Region 1

2007-11-19T11:16:00.001-06:00

The Catherine Tate Show is available now on DVD in the USA. Amazon has it. Netflix has it. You should have it if you aren't offended by BritWit.

Ms. Tate is about what you get when you cross Monty Python and Carol Burnett, just with less singing and perhaps more hilarity. Who else has managed to get a sitting Prime Minister into a cameo on their show?

Video also linked here since I can't seem to get YooToob to link in vids and let me edit post settings.

The official BBCWorldWide channel on YouTube has a bunch of her stuff up. And the pirates have had a heyday as well.

Beowulf PrognOscartication

2007-11-17T11:32:00.000-06:00

Last night in a fit of TGIF me and and the boys went to see Beowulf Imax 3D. Short opinion: I predict Beowulf wins Best Picture 2007.

Cinematically it reaches within swiping distance of Return of the King. Though smaller in scale the motion capture allows for the kind of camera effects reality does not.

Scriptically Mr. Gaiman's license with the epic is more creative and thoughtful than anticipated. This isn't a bonehead thriller. I doubt his conclusions about Christianity or immortality are very good but they are very pagan and provocative. And it's complicated enough that I can't decide if it's redemptive without a re-watching. Add this as a reason it will win Best Pic.

Hero Quotient does go to 10. If you wonder how a man could fight beasts and demons you might start to believe after watching this film. Much better than 300 in that it is not perverse-fetishistic nor gratuitous. Though, plenty violent in a hero-mashes-monsters-who-mash-thanes kind of way.

And, yes, the film is titillating. In fact you see pretty much everything but Ms. Jolie's titillation (and plenty of other mead hall raunchiness). I don't know how B-wuf escaped the MPAA without an R. I won't endorse the sensuality. Don't take your anybody-unmarried to see it. It does however play to a more profound theme about the seduction of glory and does so effectively. But I reiterate that the sensuality is a deal-breaker for anyone sensitive the the ugliness of lust. Not sure I could have gone to see it had I known.

Magnificent film. Perhaps not redemptive. Beware the seduction.