tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24250185.post-1142604203557641572006-03-17T14:41:00.000+01:002006-03-17T15:03:23.566+01:00I know it is hard to tell or show this in the family or between friends. Prejudice, fears from the unknown are everywhere. I came out only for my girlfriend, because if I want her to be my future wife, I have to be honest with her. She is with lot's of fears, and she cannot say anything about the situation. Everything is ideal between us, except that.<br /><br />I could live with this hiding from my entire family, but I cannot hide it from myself. As my girlfriend does not accept it, I feel double guilt having these thoughts. This guilt will kill me, I simply can't stand it for long. I tried severel times to stop crossdressing, to search for something different, to be less stressful, but the thoughts, the desire to wear some women clothes are emerging again and again.<br /><br />Let's face my possible future:<br />- <span style="font-style: italic;">if someone discovers a cure for this.</span> I will be very happy.<br />- <span style="font-style: italic;">if there is no cure, and my partner is acceptive</span>. I'll have some clothes and private time with my partner in them.<br />- <span style="font-style: italic;">if there is no cure, and my partner is neutral</span>. I'll have some clothes, but I won't wear them in front of my partner.<br />- <span style="font-style: italic;">if there is no cure, and my partner is not acceptive at all</span>. I could live with her in marriage, but I would hide my feelings and desires, sometimes my actual wearing her clothes.<br />- <span style="font-style: italic;">if there is no cure, and there is no partner at all</span>. I could buy and wear clothes at home or in public sometimes. I could possible commit suicide, without a reason to live for and without the acceptance of the sociaty.<br /><br />I'll keep fighting with my demons, but I'm very tired of it. I tried to stop this, tried to "be normal" for years, but this is not what I'm capable of. My hope is a life without guilts, at least, not hiding them from everyone. I'll keep posting my thoughts, feelings and theories about crossdressing. Stay tuned.dressxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11539103360952280405noreply@blogger.com