honk the horn

Bored...

2009-06-09T13:52:00.002+01:00

... with the sound of my own voice. ranting on and on about the same things, day in, day out...

so i stopped bothering with this blog, if i was bored with me, then surely anyone who stumbled across my blog would be too.

but, today, 3 things happened that made me want to write/rant.

the first

i had to take the train today, i congratulated myself on two wins, one i missed a soaking this morning and two, i'd avoided the inevitable influx of numpties onto london's roads thanks to the RMT and yet another strike.

well, within 5 minutes i was already hacked off with the train and wishing i was soaked (on a bike), then keito pointed out the strike is tomorrow... when i'm biking...

now, i should be happy with more cyclists on the road, i really should... but i'm not... as most of them will be a fucking liability to me and themselves.

the second

after getting off the train, i had to take a bus up to shoreditch. whilst on said bus, i noticed a cyclist riding fixed, nothing unusual about that around those parts these days, i only noticed as he had a bagaboo that looked a bit like mine...

anyways, as he rides up, i see a youth crossing the road, quite young, full nike regalia, hood up, etc. now, whilst he wasn't exactly hurrying across the road, he certainly wasn't taking the piss (like a lot of dicks i seem to encounter in the city).

he's pretty much on the pavement by now, he's about two feet away, stopped only by a fence around some roadworks, i think 'fuck, he's cutting it close'. i have to be honest at this point, i have ran rather close to pedestrians in the past, it's fucking annoying when they step out, so i do have a tendency to try and intimidate... sometimes...

but this guy is close, very close... then i watch him shoulder the youth, sending him spinning back... youth obviously looks stunned (and a little upset) and mr bagaboo spins around to say something to him.

from here on in, this is pure conjecture, he may have turned around and apologised, if this is the case, then i'm very sorry. but if it's not and it's what i suspect, in that this was a deliberate move, then i'm also sorry... sorry, that you're such an utter, petty, self righteous, cunt.

i mean really, what did you get from that? you scared (and hurt) a 14 year old, well done Mr Billy Big Balls. No, really, well done, you really are hard, you've defended your 'turf' and advanced the image of the cyclist light years.

i won't go as far as saying i hope you die, but i will say i hope you have a nasty incident with a dirty glass and a lack of toilet facilities.

and finally...

the third

i was reminded of this:

chicks & bikes

Oh sweet joy!

NY

2008-09-21T21:38:00.002+01:00

I've been lucky enough to enjoy 3 days in New York, it's been cool and shit in equal measure.

high points being the amazing mexican food we had in the east village, cheetos and coney island beer.

low points being how fucking rude some people are and being asked for ID when trying to buy two bottles of becks.

anyway, the point of this post is, I'm shocked by the traffic, it's nasty, maybe fun, but deffo nasty.

anyone who rides here is hard, and the couriers are something else, they look like the bastard child of madmax (first film), James Caan in rollerball and Fields of the Nephelim... if two men and a band could mate...

i'd post a pic, but quite frankly, i was too scared to take one.

Can't do right for doing wrong...

2008-08-22T17:58:00.002+01:00

I seem to be stumbling from one social faux pas to another at the moment.

after last week's infamous law busting pavement joyride, i've:

1. annoyed an old lady by riding down a one way street. even though i stopped to let her and another gent across the road. it's worth noting she declined, most probably so that she could bitch about the one way street issue, if she'd crossed when i invited her too, it would have been null and void.

2. angered another bus driver by not being in a bus lane (perversely, they're normally annoyed when you are)

3. caused white van man to throw hate at me after i stopped him tearing through an amber teetering on red.

i don't know what the fuck i'm supposed to do here, when i break the law, jumping a red for example, there's no discretion, everyone hates me, i'm dangerous, i'm a law breaker, i should be hung (and probably drawn and quartered for good measure).

when i try and stick to the law and more, i.e. making room for buses, stopping at lights, everyone hates me too.

it's a lost cause.

it does however bring me to an interesting discussion i had some time ago about how it's okay if a car 'edges' through a red, but not if a cyclist cycles through when it's been on red for a while... i realise the original conversatin was a wind up from a mate of mine, but i think there's some truth in here... this is how the motorist (and everyone in the world, except cyclists, the naughty kind) see it.

in my eyes, the tearing through a light as it's changing to red is fucking dangerous. there is no discretion here, amber has come to mean 'accelerate' rather than slow down to perhaps stop before the red. i realise the irony BTW - when i jump reds, but people in glass houses and all that...

this is the bit that angers me, the times i've had dealings with the police (with one exception, i posted about that though, so i'll leave it), they've had no interest (or answer) for my question of when are you going to do something about the bad driving i see every day?

i'm not stupid, i do realise it's the equivalent of 'haven't you got anything better to do?' but it warrants an answer. all you need to do is employ the same sneaky mother fuckers who jump out from behind trees or ride bikes, in plain clothes, to ride up and down the old kent road making a note of anyone driving like a dick.

you'd make lots of money... sorry, you'd 'enforce the law' and make it all much safer and cosier for all of us.

Absolute helmets

2008-08-18T16:32:00.002+01:00

Please. Think about it. Perhaps look in the mirror. I'm not suggesting you need to study a instruction manual (or perhaps you do). But wearing a helmet incorrectly makes the whole act rather pointless.

I've created an illustration above to show some do’s and don’ts.

fig 1.0
The classic jaunty angled ‘Dandy’. Sadly this helmet will do fuck all when it comes to protecting the front of your noggin. The same front that will scrape along the ground after you’ve gone over the handlebars.

fig 2.0
The 'Push me. Pull me’. At a distance it's hard to tell if this rider is coming or going. Wearing the helmet back-to-front will add a greater degree of protection to the front of your bean brain (See above) but it will offer very little to the squishy rear. oh, and you'll look like an absolute cock.

fig 3.0
The 'Shit for brains'. Perhaps the most useful for wearers on either on the afore mentioned styles.

fig 4.0
The ‘Right way’. Simple, helmet on top of head, right way round, sweet. It's NOT hard.

The Whole Shebang

2008-08-15T12:11:00.002+01:00

I always feel as if I should care more about cycling as a whole, I mean I enjoy riding my bike, I like tinkering, I pour over bike mags, I check out bike porn on fixed gear gallery every day, I extol the virtues of riding every time I get chance...

BUT

and it feels like a relatively large but, I struggle to give one, never mind two, hoots about the larger cycle scene. It may be down to the fact I don't have many friends who are as committed (or obsessive) as I am to riding, maybe if I did, things would be different.

But I have found that things that are probably very good fun, smithfield nocturne for example, hold no draw to me and other 'important' events in the calendar, such as the tour leave me cold.

However, last weekend I found myself getting up early, well 9am, but it was a Sunday! to watch the women's Olympic road race.

After 30-40 minutes of archery, rowing and other such toff sports boring me shitless, I finally got to see some cycling. You're probably expecting me to say '... And it was shit', but it wasn't, I was completely mesmerized, I had to tell keito this was an 'ER' moment (her show, I'm not allowed to talk) and I was gripped, my heart was pounding and when I saw nicole cooke win, I felt overly emotional (which was a tad embarrassing).

Maybe this is the start of a new chapter and I'll care about time trials and pelatons, or maybe I'm just fair weather.

Either way, congratulations to nicole cooke, that was an awe-inspiring ride and to the other members of the GB team for some amazing tactics and complete and utter selflessness.

Oh, and with all those male riders dropping out because of the heat, it was impressive to see their female counterparts riding through some of the shittest riding conditions I've ever seen...

God did that

2008-08-08T19:28:00.005+01:00

I took the piss out of neil for jumping a red, which resulted in him receiving a fine and some points on his license.

then i get stopped by 'community support' and fined £30 for riding on the pavement... there is some sort of divine intervention here.

they've got me 'bang to rights' it is indeed illegal to ride on the pavement, i know this, this doesn't annoy me, well... it does, but that's just because i've been caught.

however, i am annoyed by the following facts:

1. i did this to avoid 3 lanes of fast moving traffic which i don't particularly enjoy weaving across every night.
2. the 'officers' were hiding behind a tree, with the van parked out of site, very underhand that...
3. whilst filling in a ticket the length of my arm, 3 chavs deliberately ride past them, shouted at them and get away scot-free
4. i witness a ridiculously dangerous move by a van which stopped 2 lanes of traffic to pull into the afore mentioned fast moving traffic (I did actually point this out, to no avail)
5. the section of pavement i was on, had no pedestrians on it and is approximately 20 feet wide
6. we've had a a record number of shootings of late (the most recent 10 minutes from where i was stopped) and i can't help wondering if their time could be better spent

and FINALLY, i'm annoyed by the fact i saw the other couple of community support bods ticketing someone else, thought 'phew, missed that, let's get away quick'
and then ran straight into these other two numpties...

i guess at the end of the day, i'm just annoyed i got caught.

The Long Arm (or shoulder) of the Law

2008-08-05T15:43:00.002+01:00

I saw this and it really annoyed the fuck out of me and actually made me feel slightly sick...

Atleast all I have to deal with from london city police is condescension and a good patronizing, not a good drubbing.

This 'officer's' father was quoted as saying you 'have to do, what you got to do to make an arrest'

Fucking hell... He was riding a bike, that was his 'offence' he's not a rapist, a killer, a bank robber, that barge and subsequent fall could have easily killed him.

Jeez.

Much is being made of the fact the officer is a 'third generation cop' - frankly if new york has had 3 generations of this, I feel sorry for you.

On a more positive note, much props to bikecommuters where i found the news. Fantastic site, which i'm now checking daily.

The 'right' way

2008-08-05T15:41:00.003+01:00

This whole 'right of way' thing is tricky, to me, it means i follow the highway code, but to a taxi driver, it just means you put your indicator on and you can turn wherever you want, no matter who is in your way or where you are.

I saw it the other week on borough high street, it's the height of morning rush hour, there's a taxi indicating to do a u-turn across all the traffic. He's pointing indignantly at this indicator.

Just because your taxi has a famously small turning circle, doesn't make it okay for you to do a u-turn in the middle of traffic you fuckwit, and you certainly don't have the fucking right of way. In fact, I'm sure if the police had been around you wouldn't even be attempting it.

Then I experienced it again this morning near liverpool street, I'm waiting at the lights with a taxi to my right, he starts to indicate left, then starts to move despite my presence (he has seen me).

I let him.

He doesn't have right of way, if there had been a car between him and the left he wouldn't have assumed as much, been as forceful or as ungrateful if they let him turn.

You have won nothing, my step down was self-preservation, not a victory to you.

Well, unless you count moving yourself further up the 'cock board' a victory.

Do it properly

2008-07-31T14:25:00.004+01:00

If you're going for the full fixed gear hipster look, i reckon you should take it to the logical extreme.

i've done you a pursuit version too. they seem very popular.

THAT hand signal

2008-07-29T17:38:00.000+01:00

I had another altercation with a bus driver this morning.

As I'm trying to be nicer, in light of yesterday's manners hiccup, when I saw the big red bus right on my ass, I moved over to let him through, admittedly, I did shake my head, but I made no attempts to raise a finger or shout obscenities.

However, as the bus passed me, I saw the driver ranting through the passenger door. I have no idea what he was saying, but he was plainly annoyed.

Then he cut me up.

So, as I come alongside the bus, I stop next to his window and say 'Was that really necessary?' to which he fires back expletives.

At this moment, I'm still beaming with pride that I didn't swear.

So I retort with 'so, as I annoyed you, you thought it was okay to drive dangerously?' and he says 'was I?'

Right, not the small grains of calm I'm grasping in my hands slip through and I reply 'yes you fucking were, you veered across the lane In a big fucking bus'

He goes mental at this point and starts shouting about 'reading the road' and something about the bus lane.

I say I wasn't in the bus lane and he shouts that I should have been.

Hang on, you're in the big fucking red thing with wheels that carries passengers, why should I be in the BUS lane.

I tell him that there is nothing in the highway code that states I HAVE to use a bus lane, it's my choice. I usually prefer not to, as it's full of cunts like him (I didn't say that bit btw, the cunt bit).

He really loses it now, so I tell him he's an idiot, a dangerous idiot who doesn't even know the highway code. Surprisingly, he doesn't respond well to this, so I push it and call him and idiot again.

He's puce now.

Then he does the naked sock puppet thing.

This is the point of this rant, what does the puppet mean? I mean, I know what it 'means' - I'm all mouth. But we both are, we've both been shouting at each other and neither of us made the offer to move this to queensbury rules.

Then I realise, I've seen this before, this is the last ditch effort of the puppeteer who has run out of expletives. My argument is you're being dangerous, you could kill someone and the highway code, that you're trying to use against me, has just bit you on the arse. Yours is... Ummm... Do you have one?

So, I tell him once more, he's an idiot and he's dangerous. So he drives off right next to me and my now shaking legs (with anger) wobble out of his way.
Are you trying to prove my point?

He does try and drive close me on the next turn, but he has to deal with traffic, I don't.

Two other minor points

1.
To that prick that was walking down the road with earphones in so that he couldn't hear me shouting 'excuse me'. I hope you get run over.

2.
I woke up this morning with an eye that looks like it's been punched. Great. Thanks. Not only do I have to deal with idiots, but with a disfigurement that makes me look like a circus act.

Function over form

2008-07-29T10:05:00.005+01:00

I'm confessed to a love of 'functional' bikes on this blog before, which thinking about it is a bit of ridiculous statement... surely all bikes are functional?

well, actually some of the gleaming show bikes that are tootling around shoreditch right now aren't.

anyway, i digress, i'm really digging bikes that look like they can handle shit, they're not all deep v's and track bars, but they're still mighty pretty. in fact, i've made my first move towards this... surly now has a rear rack fitted. the same tubus rack i'm removed from the box and looked at, only to put it back again, at least 20 times over the 9 months.

i took my first ride (to the supermarket) on saturday and it was a complete success, well aside from the first couple of near tips, it's mental how different the bike feels with panniers... but, i'm keen to prove i can manage without an engine.

back to other peoples bikes, lots of lovely examples of work bikes on cyclofiend
the rest of the site is awesome too btw.

i do think the american's are much better at this than us...

I am sometimes wrong

2008-07-29T09:53:00.005+01:00

I woke up yesterday with a banging head, complete lack of co-ordination and a sahara-esque mouth.

i only had 3 cans of kronenbourg to blame this on, that's not right or fair.

anyway, i set off after stumbling around and bashing my shins on the pedals/cranks atleast 3 times.

things are going okay, i'm riding through peckham park, there's another cyclist in front on an old peugeot mountain bike (with the coolest 80s graffiti style graphics), there's a guy in the path with his girlfriend (i assume) who moves out of the way.

so it's all good.

however, as i go past i hear him shouting something about '...our mother's not bringing us up properly...' i stop, i ask him who he's talking to, and he says both of us. he moved out of the way and we both went past without thanking him.

i'm tired, i can't be fucked, i'm certainly not going to jump through big hoops of gratitude, i tell him to get over it and say 'for fuck's sake' he shouts something else i don't hear/understand and i ride off.

i ride another couple of hundred metres and then i think... he's right, i should have said thanks. i was rude. i turn around, then i think if i go back now he'll probably think i'm taking the piss and ploat me.

I REALLY need to think a bit more... it's to easy to get caught up in a little fug of cycling self-righteousness...

Utility

2008-07-02T09:41:00.003+01:00

On a day-to-day basis i admire the flexibility of michelle's cycle helmet.
It was a cake tin last week, today a fruit bowl.

It all feels a little 'paddington bear'

And i thought I had it bad

2008-06-30T12:53:00.002+01:00

Daily i deal with cunts. lot's of them.
On the upside, i don't have to deal with bears wandering into the road.

i have to confess that, at first, i was interested in the article gleamed from cyclelicio.us then i read it a bit more carefully.

‘and we went, 'aaaahhhhh.’ and i was like and he was a like... i think i may have worked out how this happened...

'Bags' of room... haha... haaa...

2008-06-30T12:41:00.003+01:00

*sigh*

i bought a bagaboo and i have to say it's really rather ace.
it's a 'workhorse', which looks like this:

it's much bigger than the chrome that i use day-to-day and well... it feels more substantial. i may even do some kind of review on here i'm that enamoured.

Bikes and bus lanes

2008-06-13T10:45:00.002+01:00

Boris is about to drop his first clanger with an ill informed plan to allow motorcycles into bus lanes.

On a personal note, i have enough problems trying to avoid motorcyclists as is, allowing them into one of the few sanctuaries we have left will only make matters worse. Although, it seems a lot of the bikers commuting along the old kent road seem to think they already have rights to use bus lanes… it's not illegal if you only use a foot of the lane…

On a less personal note, the facts on which this decision is being made are flakey to say the least.

If you're reading this, and would like to help either the cycle commuters of london or just little 'ol me, sign up! and let's try to stop this nonsense...

Sign the petition here!

Fixed is dead

2008-06-09T10:26:00.001+01:00

Well... probably not... but these are cooler... really...

more here

Coasting

2008-06-09T09:47:00.004+01:00

I read about the trek lime on treehugger a little while ago, and whilst the whole concept intrigues me - coast brakes whilst a seemingly common childhood experience in the states, are/were rare as hen's teeth here, strictly grifter myself (yes, mine was EXACTLY like that) - i found the actual bike to be a dissappointment, then i guess it's not aimed at me.

then i saw this on bikehugger, mathowie's sweet mod... i want one...

i'm constantly impressed with our overseas friends attitude to their bikes and i think that's the keyword 'their' - whilst day-to-day in london, i see lots of new shiny fixed gear wheels (in fact a little too shiny and new) i rarely see personal bikes. most fall into the afore mentioned 'fixed/shoreditch' bracket, which i (perhaps cynically) see as mostly trend driven, or the full on commuter with an off-the-shelf evans* special, which i see as practical/don't give a shit. i should add there are a handful of roadies thrown in the mix, but less so.

anyway, i digress... i rarely see a bike that i think 'whoa... i'll steal that idea... to add to the list of bikes i 'need''

yet on bikehugger, commute by bike, fixed gear gallery, etc. i fall in love daily with the niche...

i should add these aren't always single/fixed beauts either, i'm getting more and more drawn to the practical, i'm loving wood/metal front racks (that you simply can't get here) paul comp, (which you can get here, but only after you've paid an additional $60 to the post office and tax man) and of course, all things surly.

i salute you america! (in a top gun sort of way)

*evans - absolute spawn of the devil, please don't ever shop here, they need to be stopped...

Oh the irony...

2008-06-06T10:07:00.003+01:00

this is london posted an article claiming that 64% of motorists are 'too scared to cycle because of traffic'

am i the only one to see any irony here? umm... you are the 'traffic'

read the full (pretty short) article here

Drivers, rage and real writers...

2008-06-04T14:15:00.005+01:00

I've pontificated far too often on the subjects of road rage, inconsiderate drivers and downright dangerous behaviour. Then as is often the way, i find someone has done it a hell of a lot better than me.

drat.

and double drat.

'People, in general, want everything they do to be as easy as possible, and they never want to be to blame for anything bad...ever. People who drive cars are no exception to that rule. With the The Scofflaw Cyclist straw man in place, car driving people have a target for the frustration they feel over the situation THEY have created, but for which they are completely unable to accept the blame. Most motorist frustration seems to be the result of not being able to get from point A to point B easily, and that's simply the result of traffic congestion. Traffic congestion, one might be surprised to discover, is caused by one thing and one thing only - too many cars in one place at one time. Scofflaw cyclists have nothing to do with it. While it runs counter to human nature to sit in traffic and think "I can't really get frustrated with this since I am, after all, as much to blame as every other motorist out here for this traffic jam," blaming Scofflaw Cyclists for the frustration that driving seems to engender is a bit far-fetched.'

the full article is here

and i read it at bikefixation first

That's plain wrong

2008-05-31T21:18:00.002+01:00

Urban Velo have a theory, a theory that explains, or atleast justifies the demise of nishiki.

this picture.

that's it.

and they deserved it.

nice shades tho.

Laid back

2008-05-20T16:49:00.003+01:00

I popped into bikefix today to pick up a spanner as my brooks is creaking like a good 'un. i couldn't even wait until i got home, the noise is just too much...

anyways, there was a very nice chap in there, we didn't get as far as shaking hands or exchanging names, but he was extolling the virtues of all things recumbent. he had his own machine in there, which looked far from my preconceived image of said machines, actually, he also broke that mental image.

basically, it was cool, i'm shocked to admit that, i've always admired the engineering (and the crazy chain length), but never, ever have i been tempted. until now.

i think it was the talk of hitting 30/40 mph that did it. but that was probably him more than the bike, i'm 'carrying' more...

it'll never wash with keito though.

The youth of today tsk!

2008-05-06T22:18:00.002+01:00

This was supposed to be the nice bit...

i'd negotiated cheapside, the idiot gauntlet, borough high street, the highest concentration of potholes this side of baghdad and the old kent road... which is... umm... 'shit'

i'm now cutting through peckham, along the cycle route, which weaves through parkland... ahh... i don't even need to hug the brakes.

now this is shared pavement, cycle and pedestrian, usually fine, not today.

i see bunch of teenage girls, 4 abreast, i slow down, i'm about to say 'excuse me' when i hear one say 'i bet he doesn't even say 'excuse me'

i should have been sensible (and polite) and done so, but i think 'fuck it' and go for a gap, plenty of room.

then i receive the most incredible shrieks, i turn and say 'it is half cycle path' - met by more shrieks and then i add 'what's with the attitude? i'm sharing, can't you?' - now everything goes crazy, you'd think i'd just popped one of them.

plainly the 'excuse me' had very little to do with this, this was more than that, i forget peckham thrives on attitude, i've been exposed to it enough, i should know better.

i ride away slowly with finger in the air, i don't feel better, i feel sad... i don't comprehend this, maybe i should have be more polite, but i suspect these demure teenagers wouldn't have been happy even if i had...

i'm scared. for teenage boys.

I like this a lot

2008-05-06T21:50:00.002+01:00

Let's take it back...

Gleamed from Bikehugger

and in turn from flickr

I've been a bit busy...

2008-05-06T21:22:00.003+01:00

... and other such excuses...

not only did the iro arrive, and boy what fun it's been, but so did my new airnimal and summer!

i can't begin to describe how nice it feels to be riding with warm toes and only two layers of clothing.

as for the airnimal, it's a strange beast, so completely different from any bike i've ever ridden. aside from the weirdness when you stop at lights and decide to let the bike rest against your thigh, then realise it doesn't have a top tube and watch it fall to earth... but, as much as it rides like the real deal compared to other folders, it's still a folder, and subsequently has all the flex of other folders.

i think it'll take some getting used to. but i'll enjoy it.