Librarian With Style

Because I am Lazy

2008-03-09T17:03:00.001-05:00

So yes it has been like six months sincc I have posted. Was I deathly ill? Was I trapped under a 27" screen tv? No, I just didn't have the energy to fight my work's blocking software or to boot up my IMAC, with dial up.... yes I am sad..

So I finally ponied up and bough myself an HP laptop with my Tax refund and sprung for high speed internet...so I may be able to post on a more regular basis...as long as I don't drink so much

Connecting To My Inner School Girl: or Where’s MY Stripper Pole?

2007-09-10T08:32:00.001-05:00

Ok so I am a loser, and a bitch and I have to jump on the blog bandwagon. But like every other gossip whore I watched with baited breath to see what Ms. Spears would be doing at the VMAs. Yes I still watch MTV in my advanced age. It makes me cool. In my own mind I am.

I mean come on. Who doesn't have that little tickle of anticipation and horror when they see a mile long back up on the freeway. You hope that nobody is hurt, but you can't help but wonder of the carnage ahead.

Please I was completely horrified about the mother who tried to beat the train in Indiana and was hit by not only one train, but two, killing two of her children. It was hard to look away every time they played it on the news.

With the anticipation of a horrific train wreck was my anticipation of Britney's performance. But I had heard some good buzz about it. That she was going to SHOCK everyone. That she and that SUPERFREAK Criss Angel had something going on outside the sheets with mirrors. So I actually had some high hopes. Like that she might actually be able to dig her fat ass out of the shit spiral she was in.

So to my utter dismay and sigh of disappointment the following things occurred
1. She didn't bother to lighten her ghetto roots
2. She was wearing her boring bra, panties, boots and fishnets with her mommy gut hangin' out
3. There was no magic (I wanted at least a fire ball or something)
4. There was the repetitive bumping and grinding with girls
5. The stripper pole was not used by her
6. She lipsynched (not a surprise)… Badly! (surprise)
7. She danced badly (this the only shocking thing!) The girl used to be able to work it!

So I guess the big shock was that she had the girlballs to show up. I was even hoping for a good slip, fall, and head injury. She was definitely looking wobbly. But alas my inner naughty school girl was completely let down. I can't believe that I actually wasted three minutes of life for that whorish manic depressive lazy ass. I would have rather listened to K-Fed sing Papazao!

The Horror The Horror!

2007-08-24T13:06:00.000-05:00

Well we had our first librarian meeting/chicken dance. We had to hire two new librarians, neither which are under 50 years old, or very warm women. Alas when I was walking to the building for the meeting I spotted another woman walking up to the building.

She was wearing the highest waisted MOM jeans I have seen in the last 8 years!! It was pretting horrifying. Not only were they mom jeans but they were green mom jeans...

And to my utter horror, she was one of the new librarians....

Sammy is the New Farrah

2007-08-17T12:21:00.000-05:00

I had to stifle a giggle today when Sammy came in. Instead of the 80's perm she usually rocks, she has this weird feathered Farrah Fawcet circa Charlie's Angels haircut. Soon I am expecting a 60's era beehive.

Let The Witching Begin: or Get Over Yourself

2007-08-07T10:21:00.000-05:00

Sooo it's been a long hot summer spending waayy too much time with my parents. Fabulous shopping has occured and new computers abound. T-minus 15 days til invasion.

Well one of our librarians had retired at the end of last year. She was in great need of retirement. She drove me crazy with her non-stop complaining and lack of flexibility. Well another librarian who has been in the district a while has risen in her place.

She's already complaining about the new computers and how the screen is so too small and is demanding a bigger screen. Shut up! Be glad you have a computer.

This year is the first summer I have only gone in once before school started. The work they were doing in the school has left my library in shambles. Plus the onset of these new computers breeds stupid questions. I just can't go in yet.

The only thing that is making me curious is the prospect of Sammy's ugly summer wear. I see acid washed shorts in her future...

Wild Wild West: or Go West Young Girl

2007-06-04T14:15:00.001-05:00

So yeah it's the end of the year 10 glorious no-tween weeks.

As I mentioned previously my parents moved to the wild western god's waiting room of Arizona and I am going to visit. They wanted me the whole summer but AH NO not going to happen. My mother already has me over programmed and I am not even there yet.

All I want to do is sit at the pool and get skin cancer in 118 degree heat. All my mom want's to do is take me gambling and shopping for furniture. All my dad wants to do is take care of my dog. The man needs a dog like Lohans need rehab.

So take care for the summer. I'll be back like the cicadas I haven't seen.

I Almost Quit My Job Today

2007-06-01T09:36:00.000-05:00

So what event @ school pushed me to the edge of my sanity ? ? And almost made me want to quit?

Well they decided to put the 38 8th graders who managed to fail 8th grade in the library. Which at our school you actually have to put an effort to fail out. Then they put the 3 most spineless people at our school to supervise them. They don't ask or tell me that these morons are going to be in the library either. And that's just rudeness.

So as I am trying to find my happy zen place because of the chaos and uploading a batch of inventory data I hear a pop, crash, and splash as some spawn of satan shattered my fish tank. Then the sound of laughter of the jackasses as they watch their supervisor scramble to save my fish. I was so angry I left the library and went to the office to escape.

So now my poor semi elderly custodian is sucking up water with a shop vac and my fish are scarred for their short life. And I am not going to speak to my principal for a while. Even though he offered to pay to replace the tank.

Hula Wha Hula Who Hula Wear

2007-05-29T09:25:00.000-05:00

Again with the dawning of summer and warm weather some teachers decide to bust out their Hula printed shirts and yes, dresses.

Sammy has on today what I can only described as a teal flowered nightmare...

Time Keeps on Tickin' or The Final Countdown 2007

2007-05-24T10:38:00.000-05:00

I am understanding of my principal's and the teacher's time.

When I set dates for materials being due at the end of the year I usually do it more than a month ahead of time. They get a flourescent flyer to post somewhere in their room. Two weeks before the due date I send out reminder notices about the due dates. In short the teachers have PLENTY of warning to accomodate their lesson planning. Do they ever listen? NO

Tomorrow is our due date for all student material. TODAY a teacher tells me that some of the the kids still need certain books because of project she and the SS teacher created with a due date of next Tuesday. WTF!! She didn't realize the dates. Did you need a tatoo!

Then there is my favorite principal. He is the best thing for this school. I rarely take any of his time. He trusts me to run my library how I want it. Unfortunately when I do need his time. There is no time. After I mentioned wanting to meet with him he said to email him. I did. No response. I email him again at the beginning of this week. Still no response. I'm thinking August.

Library Babysitting Service

2007-05-21T14:27:00.001-05:00

So we have another pack, and I do mean pack, of students having inschool suspension. It's that time of year. The natives are restless.

So with the office full of miscreants the students who have "study hall" in the office are overflowed into the library. Study hall is in quotes because these kids don't do anything anyway and they are about to fail 8th grade. How that can happen is beyond me.

Plus we have about a dozen kids that are out of gym because of injury or lack of spine from the adminstration. How does one get excused out of gym for the year because they do ballet yet are able to participate in three afterschool sports?

So essentially since book check out is done the library has become a day care center. And since our school is so strapped for space I can't do anything about it.

Can't Take It Anymore!

2007-05-17T07:51:00.001-05:00

Summer fever has begun. If I hear one more numbless conversation from the ell aide about her kids I am going to rip my ears off.

If I have one more panicky conversation from the mag-nut teachers and their online testing I am going to lose it.

If I tell one more kid it's the last week of checkout and they ask really? Because their teachers have known for a month I am going to end up on the roof.

Bomb threats. Crazy subs. Cracked out parents.

With only 2 1/2 weeks left I don't know if I can make it!!!!

What Will The Manufacturers of Velour Do?

2007-05-10T13:35:00.001-05:00

I almost fell out of my lunch chair today. Velour Tracksuit Girl was wearing a skirt!! And it wasn't a hootchie skirt!

The one other time that she wore a skirt was when she wore shearling fuzzy boots, cream tights, and a sweatshirt material mini skirt! It was a change from the velour tracksuits and casual wear she normally dons but she's not 12.

But today she actually looked like a middle school teacher. And cute. She wore a dark denim slightly below the knee skirt and a simple white t-shirt. It was shocking!

Someone had to have given it to her...

Star in My Own Mind: or My Bat Fetish

2007-05-09T07:22:00.001-05:00

So for fun, fame and to mark it off in my 101 Things to Do Before You Die book I am going to be an extra in a movie.

Illinois has been working it's collective behind to bring more movies to the state. Honestly it burns my ass that they set movies in Chicago and then film them in Canada. Sorry, Toronto is not half as cool as the city of Chicago. So about a bazillion movies are being filmed here this summer and I get to be in one.

Yeah it will be 12 hours of sitting around and waiting to shoot may be 20 minutes, I have no lines, and the pay is minimum but the thought of being on a movie set and becoming a celebrity librarian is enough to perk me up until the end of the school year. As long as they don't make me a homeless person I'll happily work.

So the summer of 2008 you may see my anonymous mug in "Rory's First Kiss" har har.

Nothing Sadder Than: or You're No Johnny Depp

2007-05-08T07:48:00.001-05:00

I honestly believe that there is nothing sadder than an over 30 man with an earring. I came to this conclusion after another of my dreaded library meetings and the presenter was old enough to be my father and had not one but two studs in his ear.

He's wearing a suit and trying to be professional and has a green and a blue stud in his ear! One Gross, two SAD.

This is why Harrison Ford kind of creeps me out because he was rockin the earring for a while there.

Bottom line. Men, unless you are an aging rockstar or a pirate no earrings after 30. Especially if you are a professional.

Let Me Think : or Questions

2007-05-03T09:35:00.001-05:00

I rarely get cute/creepy questions asked since most of our students are pretty questionably self sufficient and are at least 11 years old. But every once in a while I get one.

Today's question: Where are the Matt Christopher books?

The first reaction is "must keep straight face" second reaction "um ok fiction is arranged by author. Let me think really hard about this one" third and proper action "let me show you"

This situation was a better reaction then when one of our wacky self contained kids asked me how I got something to print for him and I was caffeine deprived and blurted out "Magic" and he was like "ok" and walked away. My second favorite story.

My favorite involves a cute roly poly self contained child who asked about our bugged eyed gold fish "Did someone poke the fish in the eye?" Again I fought to keep a straight face because it was obviously a serious question. I then proceeded to tell him that the fish was just born that way. I then had to fight the urge to melt from cuteness.

Hot Time in the School

2007-04-30T09:10:00.001-05:00

So the weather in the upper midwest has finally shifted to the mild 70s. This has allowed flip flops, sandals and cute dresses to escape the cave of winter dispair. This has also brought to the mindset of teachers that they are allowed to dress like they do when they have the summer off. Um no.

We as teachers & librarians need to still dress professionally in the midst of the warm weather and rage against the hootchie wear that the teens bring out with the warm weather.

Acceptable: Leather flip flops
Unacceptable: $6.00 flip flops from Old Navy

Acceptable: Capris (to an extent see Wednesday, May 10, 2006)
Unacceptable: Matched Set Capris

Acceptable: Golf Shirts
Unacceptable: T-shirts any other day than Friday

Acceptable: At the knee skirts or dresses
Unaccpetable: Wearing your teenage daughters skirts from Forever 21

Hair Shopping Again

2007-04-25T14:34:00.001-05:00

My ulcer is burning at the though of having to find a new hairdresser. Since I blew off her husband's friend my stomach is telling me that she may be mad. And a mad hairdresser is something I really don't want to deal with.

As I've mentioned that getting my haircut is always a tramatic experience. Having to break someone new into my hair psyche is terrifying.

Do Your Job: or Do Your OWN Job

2007-04-24T09:13:00.001-05:00

Cripes if I have to listen one of the aides monopolizing my aides with her continually complaining about how her son's counselor doesn't promote his mediocre talent I think I will pull my hair out.

Taking My Life Into My Hands: or Why Did I Say Yes

2007-04-23T07:46:00.001-05:00

Oooh I think I am going to blame this one on low blood sugar. I agreed to go on a field trip.

I have tried to avoid going on them ever since I had to accompany 100 or so 6th graders on an overnight outdoor ed field trip involving spiders, a boat trip, and a kid with a rash he caught from his dog. (yeah I don't even want to know).

I liken field trips to parole day at the local prison. The children run completely amok, teachers lose their backbones, and I feel like I am taking crazy pills (thank you Mugatu). I know they are supposed to be fun but all I can worry about it losing a child, a child injuring himself, or stealing something and having the school banned for eternity.

This one should not be that bad. They are self contained, there are plenty of chaperons, and it doesn't involve food service. I don't think you have experienced terror until you take 150 7th graders to a buffet. The organizers had to be on crack, I also blame that agreement on low blood sugar.

I Know I'm Wigging Out : But Come on Britney

2007-04-20T11:51:00.001-05:00

When fking Britney Spears is causing me stress I know I have issues but seriously..who is she trying to fool?

We know you're bald!

Stop wearing the hat/wig cobination!

We know it's a freaking wig!

You looked better bald!

Simply on Principle: or Need Some Info

2007-04-18T08:28:00.001-05:00

So finally the friend-of-the-husband-of-my-hairdresser emails me. He provides we with no information other than his name and asking me if I want to go got to call his cell #.

WTF Sooooo not going to happen. What do you do? What's your favorite color? What is your opinion on library of congress vs. sears subject headings?

The only other info is that from his email address that he is a rival baseball fan. So I KNOW it won't work out.

Say Whaa .... Sammy Asks For About My Shoes

2007-04-16T14:22:00.000-05:00

I busted out my strappy platform sandals for the rare glimpse of spring we got today. So I was not only chancing the temperature dropping to the 30s again but breaking an ankle with my new 6 ft stature(I almost took a tumble in the office) but I was feeling fashionably fiesty today.

Alas I get a glimpse of Sammy's ensemble through the copy room windows. Red stripped top red capri pants. Cute if she wasn't stretching the stripes to capacity and looking like an ice cream cone. But as always I was trying to avoide communication and she caught me in the hall to compliment me on my shoes. Yeah thanks. Then she asks if they came in red?! Oh god, not if you will wear them with that outfit.

I said that I bought them two years ago and no. She said she was on a mission to find a pair in red. Ok um the thought of her shopping for shoes is mind bending as it is but to picture her wobbling around on platform sandals nearly stroked me out.

Cue The Psycho Music: She's Baaack

2007-04-13T11:19:00.001-05:00

I guess it could be worse we could have a completely clueless maternity sub. But what we have is almost as bad. We have a teacher that thankfully retired last year but is returning to maternity sub.

The first clue that this is going to go bad is that she was at her retirement home in Florida and had to be summoned back when the birth was early.

Second clue, they had a sub in the room today with her and she spent most of the day escorting students around the building for some odd reason.

Some further background info. She is the absent minded teacher. Unless it is tattooed on her George Hamilton like skin she will not remember it. Therefore book checkout and online testing is a nightmare. She also will lose anything that is checked out to her.

Darkness Creeps Back In: or Only an Hour Later...

2007-04-11T09:01:00.001-05:00

Gargh...How do you break an overhead?!

Light in the Pit of Dispair: or Someone Complimented My Work and My Hair

2007-04-11T09:00:00.001-05:00

Yes I am a Bitter Betty. Like most teachers I don't get the respect and praise that I disserve because most people (teachers and my mother included) believe that I'm not a real teacher...riiightt.

But once every 3 years or so someone notices that I do a good job and graces me with a compliment.

To build up the compliment I digress to some background information. Now one of the best perks of my job is the shopping. I love picking out books and spending the districts money on them. I am the biggest bargain hunter when it comes to books, clothes not so much. I don't pay for library process because it's a waste of money especially with our new system it might take all of 60 seconds to put the book into the computer. Also when I started this job I had to take it from being a 5/6 library to a 6/7/8 library. Not to mention bringing the average book per student from 7 to 10+. It was a lot of work.

So when a fellow teacher tells me that she hasn't been to the young adult section of her public library in a long time because she gets books from our library instead and its all because of the work that I've done I can't help but feel a little glow of happiness about it. Someone actually paid some attention around here.