The Black Snob

WE MOVED TO SQUARESPACE! IT'S A LOT SNOBBIER THERE!

2009-01-19T23:24:00.004-06:00

The Snob has left Blogspot! (No hard feelings, Blogger. It was great. Really. The way you just put the Google Ads wherever you pleased and I couldn't get rid of them. I LOVED that. Never change!) Please check us out at our new, fancy-pants, Obama Era digs! Just click blacksnob.com to continue to read my complaints about everything! No fuss! No muss! Love, peace and Sparkle Ponies!

Tu amiga,

Danielle Belton, aka "The Snob"

Prepare to Die From "Adorableness!"

2009-01-19T15:54:00.004-06:00

The urge to smother those two in kisses is so strong that I may lose control of all my faculties!

When ever I see little Sasha and Malia Obama I think of me and my two "sisters of Snob," Baby Snob and Big Sis, and our childhood together. I especially think of how long we had to sit still for our mother to press our hair to make it look like Sasha and Malia's (and our mother only let us wear it down on "special occasions," like piano recitals. I'm going to assume "Daddy's going to be president" counts as a special occassion). The pressing was murder, I tell you! I detest having my hair straightened to this day even though I love how it looks whether natural or straight.

Like the Obama girls, the Snob sisters spent 99 percent rocking braids or twists. And it's amazing Mama Snob still has an arm from welding that hot comb. That said, those coats are ADORABLE! (And no, I don't know who made them!) But everything about them is adorable. Cheeks must be smothered in smooches!

More pictures of the soon-to-be First Daughters (as well as Michelle and Barack and the Bidens) on my Obama Inaugural Flickr page!

Change Comes to The Snob: Don't Get Lost In the Switch!

2009-01-19T12:40:00.006-06:00

Remember! The Black Snob is moving to Squarespace! The new site will officially be "live" on Inauguration Day, featuring sign-up memberships, my personal journal, The Secret Council of American Negroes blog, new "Hot Topic" discussion boards, easier access to the Snob store, a new layout and design, more interactive options and more!

If you are an RSS feed subscriber, sign up for new "Snob Blog" Squarespace feeds at here. The site's main blog feed will also continue to be available through Feedburner.

The site can also be accessed at the blacksnob.com address, as well as theblacksnobblog.com and daniellebelton.com. You can currently go to the new site now via those addresses.

PS. You will be able to read most old comments and all the old posts on the new blog, and come tomorrow (crosses fingers), this blog will automatically point to BlackSnob 2.0. Thank you for reading and making this site possible. Because of you and your donations I am able to take the site to the next level! Let's keep the ball rolling in 2009!

The Hardest Thing And the Right Thing Are the Same

2009-01-19T09:06:00.006-06:00

For those who ask the question, "Aren't you a civil rights leader?" and thereby mean to exclude me from the movement for peace, I have this further answer. In 1957, when a group of us formed the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, we chose as our motto: "To save the soul of America." We were convinced that we could not limit our vision to certain rights for black people, but instead affirmed the conviction that America would never be free or saved from itself until the descendants of its slaves were loosed completely from the shackles they still wear. In a way we were agreeing with Langston Hughes, that black bard of Harlem, who had written earlier:
O, yes, I say it plain,
America never was America to me,
And yet I swear this oath?
America will be!
-- Martin Luther King, Jr. "Beyond Vietnam"

If you are a Christian, Jesus Christ of the New Testament is very specific about what he wants you to do: follow him.

And just like you'd expect a Messiah would, he has a lot of "followers," must most of them don't go the whole way. They try to be good people. They find their own ways to serve God and their communities, but martyrdom is something most Western-based Christians haven't put in a lot of stock. It's easier to worship, donate, pray on it or ignore it, then ask for forgiveness for the ignoring. After all, you simply want to live your life, but if you've read the New Testament, so did Jesus, and he went through with the whole crucifixion anyway.

This isn't to compare slain Civil Rights Activist Martin Luther King Jr. with "the King of Kings," but to explain what it means to do the right thing even when it would be easier on you and everyone you love to just be another garden variety Baptist minister who tells you to be a good citizen and pray for your salvation.

Martin Luther King, Jr. was not an overwhelming popular man when he was alive. Very few martyrs of any faith are. People tend to forget that in the afterglow of his death and the positive results rendered by his labors, that he was questioned, harassed, ridiculed and even called crazy by other black people. Years ago for The Bakersfield Californian I interviewed a member of the local chapter of the NAACP, now a minister, who said he thought King was a mad man. Young, angry and living in the segregated South, he was sure that the only way out of American Apartheid was bullets. But his anger subsided and he joined King's movement anyway -- joining the NAACP and working to register people to vote. It wasn't until he was an adult and King was gone that he could finally see the enormity of the work. But King was loved by the few who could see where he was taking us. He simply angered and befuddled the rest.

From the politicians who openly referred to him as "Martin Luther Coon" on television, to J. Edgar Hoover's fevered sex dream obsessions with getting King to commit suicide over infidelities, to getting beaten, jailed and beaten again every time he stood up. To his children and wife being threatened. To the families of those who followed him being threatened. To the many people who died for the privilege of being treated as a human being.

But when King was killed in 1968 he'd moved from just being the de facto leader of the Civil Rights Movement to a pivotal figure in the human rights movement, protesting against the war in Vietnam and joining in the call for worker's rights. He died supporting a sanitation worker's strike. This did not set well with many American blacks who wanted him to focus solely on African American issues, but if you claim to be a servant of the people, of the underrepresented, of the downtrodden, and you happen to be a follower of Christ, as King was as a Baptist minister, what was his choice? Nothing he did was easy, but he could have spared himself some grief by staying out of the larger human rights movement, but he didn't. Because what he did, as unpopular as it was, was the right thing.

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same, and this is the story of every martyr. He had a choice. He could have lived a quiet life and lived to an old age. But if not him, who? And if not now, when? He asked himself those questions, and when the elders called on him to lead that flock in Montgomery, Ala. he rose to the task that would eventually lead to a brutish, short life. One where he would not see his children grow up. One where he would never see what his hard work had wrought.

I am not one who sees King as a saint. He was a human being with all the good and bad that comes with humanity. If you assume he was a saint it makes what he did seem unobtainable and impossible, something only a superhero could accomplish and soon, we are defeated, waiting on another superhero to save us.

But he wasn't a being of superiority. It took someone with the courage, patience and tenacity to do it. But it was not some Christ-like eunuch who did it. It was a man with flaws and dreams and ambition and I'm almost positive he did not set out in life at age 15, when he attended Morehouse College, knowing he would be dead at 39.

A lot of people have made the comparisons between King and President-Elect Barack Obama since Obama won Iowa. While I consider myself an admirer of both men, I truly wish people wouldn't put them in the same category. In many ways, it's unfair to Obama, who deserves his own accolades for what he achieved in a post-Civil Rights Era and diminishes the adversity those in the movement faced to pave the road for this achievement.

Both King and Obama are from different times with different struggles under different circumstances. Other than they are both black, male family men and racial pioneers, that's were all similarities end. Obama is a politician, beholding and serving the people through government. King was a minister, who was beholding to the community, but operated under an entirely different set of rules, one where breaking the rules was often the only option.

Obama, like me and many of you reading this blog, is the benefactor of King and other civil rights workers' efforts. We enjoy the fruits Medgar Evers never tasted. We attended the colleges Emitt Till, Addie Mae Collins, Carol Denise McNair, and Cynthia Diane Wesley never visited. We had the families and children Michael Schwerner, Andrew Goodman and James Chaney never had. Where Obama received protection from the Secret Service earlier than any other presidential contender in history, all King had was his most loyal and trusted friends and followers.

No matter how you feel about them today, Ralph Abernathy, Jesse Jackson, Hosea Williams, Andrew Young and a few others were King's friends, fellow activists, supporters and security. They were the last and only line of defense when everyone from white supremacists to the FBI wanted the man dead and any of them could have died that day on the balcony of the Lorraine.

But James Earl Ray was an apparent good shot.

His death spelled the end of the movement. It's been documented that King's disciples fought each other constantly, disagreed on tactics and ideas, and in the end, while they were all once willing to serve and die for one man, they wouldn't do it for one another, and went their separate ways. With Jackson, later becoming the most influential of those who were there until the end.

Everyone adores Martin now, now that he can't call any of us on our slacking, on our defeatism, on our hypocrisy. Matin Luther King, Jr. can't call you out in a speech anymore and tell you to "follow him." He can't make a wealthy individual depart with his or her change to bail poor black teenagers who marched out of jail. He can't make you turn the mirror onto your soul and see the cynicism that lies in your heart. He can't make you be both rational and irrational with fear, hope and anger and still take this work seriously.

Not anymore. And he's not there to do it for Obama either. The President-Elect will have to find his own mirror to look into his soul to find the way.

And we are not guaranteed to always like what our president will see in his mirror. And it is almost assured that there will be times when we will be angered, disappointed or unhappy. After all, King was an antagonist to the government, only beholding to the black and the poor. Obama will be the government, elected as a politician, not an activist. We are a minority that has struggled with government. How does Obama's presidency change that fight? How does that change expectations? How will that change attitudes or tactics?

I joke with my parents that in a year to six months for many the high will have worn off and the Obama will face what everyone who has to make life altering decisions has to face -- harsh criticism and derision. Already guaranteed a spot in history, but not spared the grief that comes with it, there will be many who will question what Obama can or will do for black Americans. And if people could question King's motives, when he lived, breathed and died for the movement, Obama is hardly above the law.

It's important to remember, despite the beautiful afterglow of "King was right," King was not a simple, benevolent figure. He was not one-dimensional. He was not a saint. He was a human, like you and I, who chose to push himself to his ultimate potential and died for something bigger than himself.

What path Obama blazes will be out of the shadow of King's effort. The work he leaves behind must stand on its own. And may he continue to choose the road less traveled even if we all question if he's going the right way.

As what every person who reaches this pinnacle must realize, this is all much bigger than himself.

More Obama Inauguration Weekend Pictures

2009-01-18T20:59:00.003-06:00

More pictures of the Obamas on the way to the inauguration (this time, now in Washington, D.C. for a concert televised on HBO) can be found on the Flickr page!

Dick N' Bush: Unrepentant to the End, The Mixtape

2009-01-18T17:41:00.009-06:00

Are you ready, baby? It's the Dick n' Bush Unrepentant to the Mutha Fuckin' End Tour! Inspired by 43rd President of the United States George W. Bush and the Dark Lord of the Sith himself, Vice President Dick Cheney and their sudden need to jump in front of the cameras and "get the record straight!" The Bush Era may be over, but the hits can last forever!

They've been on every network giving the good news that we won (Everything!) and nothing that bad really happened. A mixtape for those who were living in caves during 9-11, the war in Afghanistan, the war in Iraq, Hurricane Kartina, Hurricane Rita, Hurricane Ike, the subprime mortgage crisis, the overall collapse of the banks, the rise of Iran, $4 gasoline, the tanking economy, Guantanamo Bay, illegal foreign renditions, Valerie Plame, Homeland Security, duct tape, the US attorney firing scandal, Anthrax, the collapse of our infrastructure, the violence in Gaza, tainted toys, rising medical costs and pick-a-tragedy, any tragedy!

Twenty-one slamming, unforgiving, borderline annoying, in your face, "it's all yo' fault not mine and I APOLOGIZE FOR NOTHING!" tracks. From Bush telling you to "Hate Me Now!" to hollering "Party Like A Rock Star" at the White House with all your cronies and military contractors while it was nothing but "Bombs Over Baghdad" and "Welcome to the Jungle" for our troops.

While you on a roof waiting for help when the levees breached or dying out in front of Superdome, George and Condi were singing Scorpion, promising that as soon as she was done shoe shopping they would, in fact, rock New Orleans like a hurricane! And remember that last press conference where Bush basically sang the Sex Pistol's cover of "My Way" without the actual lyrics -- likely because he couldn't remember them! Salute the victors of the war on Terror to Queen's "We Are the Champions," then watch Dubya take that last wave as he leaves the White House to the sounds of SKKKKKYYYYNNNNAAARD as he tells you that he's a free bird now and "He can't change!"

Lord help, Bush! He can't change! He can't chaaayy-yyyiiee-ange! And remember, as Tupac would say, only God can judge him now! (Thanks to my buddies Negro Intellectual and Adeshola for the help and idea!)

Do you know any songs Georgie Porgy and the crew will be bumping on their way out? Make your recommendations in the comments below!

The Obama Family Heads to Washington

2009-01-18T09:23:00.004-06:00

So many cute pictures! No room for them all! Check out the full roster on my Flickr page or check back at the BlackSnob 2.0 site later today! (Don't forget to poke around and check out all the new pages and services! Especially the new "Hot Topics" discussion boards!)

Take a peak at ... BlackSnob 2.0!

2009-01-18T00:01:00.002-06:00

The test site ... set to "go live" Jan. 20th! Take a gander!

It's Someone's Birthday!

2009-01-17T13:12:00.004-06:00

And what a time to have a birthday! You're about to be First Lady, Michelle LaVaughn from the South Side! It's your world. We're just barnacles on the side of history. Go on with your handsome "Leader of the Free World Husband," adorable little girls, Ivy-league pedigree and success on top of success with a thick layer of strawberries and cheesecake on top.

Pepsi Hijacks Some Obama Magic

2009-01-17T11:39:00.007-06:00

My friend (and reader) Dorothy snapped these pictures in Washington, D.C. Friday of soft drink maker Pepsi's "president-elect" inspired ad campaign. Using their new, modified red, white and blue circle logo like a half-grin version of the Obama rising sun logo, the Pepsi sphere has replaced the "O" in their one-word adverts, which include "hope" and "together." Some banners even blatantly read "Yes You Can" in case the others were too subtle in their connection to the Big O.

Curiously, some banners read "Oh boy," which depending on how you feel about the word "boy" can be seen as a little clunky or at worst, condescending.

Dot thought it was personally outrageous that anyone would use "boy" in an ad campaign obviously derived from the successful presidential campaign for an adult black man considering the negative history of the term and its use (usually to put black men "in their place"). Once my grandpa, then in his 70s, was called a "boy" by an Arkansas police officer young enough to be his son. We're almost positive that wasn't a term of endearment. But these banners were likely created by some clueless "boy geniuses" on Madison Avenue who know about as much about the history of "boy" and black men as they know what hominy grits are.

But this is just the latest reflection on Obama's dynamic campaign and essence popping up in advertising. This time to peddle corn syrup sweetened, carbonated water. It would be offensive for being opportunistic, but this is America and this is capitalism at work. In light of the recession where people are cutting back on their pointless consumption of useless things, you can't really blame Pepsi for trying to squeeze a good will, Obama dollar out of you by any means necessary. If Rocawear can sell "Roc-Obama" T-shirts at Macy's and Pookie n' em can sell bootleg Obama merch on the streets of D.C. this week, Pepsi is gonna get theirs.

We already know Tropicana may have got themselves an early start. (To see more of Dorothy's photos and art, click here.)

FakeBamas: The New "It" Guy In Political Parody

2009-01-15T10:33:00.015-06:00

Ever since Barack Obama popped up on the scene with his handsome mug, gorgeous family and fascinating multicultural background people have become obsessed with recreating the look, either in parody, in respect, in art, in advertisement or just for poops and giggles. I have become fascinated with collecting this army of "FakeBamas," mostly because they are (well, most of them are) even better looking than the original model. Some don't look like him at all, but that's the point. Obama has become the black, multiracial "everyman" for the unnaturally good-looking FakeBama. Here is my collection of who is "hawt" and one who is not.

Iman Obama: Iman "Alphacat" Crosson, actor/internet superhero

A YouTube sensation, many individuals from random bloggers (like me) to better known bloggers (like Andrew Sullivan) think someone should give this brother a job. Like Saturday Night Live. It's not that we all hate Fred Armisen's Obama for committing the Cardinal sins of "not-funniness" and "light Egyptian pancake brown-face" (even though Armisen is technically brown, being part Lebanese). It's that Alphacat is THAT GOOD, as evidence by his T.I. parody of Barack.

It also doesn't hurt that Alphacat is as good or better looking than Obama, which is the key to being a hot FakeBama. Really. It's insulting to pick an unattractive person to play the president-elect. As good looking or better, it's the only way to better exemplify the "Obama Fetish" everyone is rapidly developing like a full-body rash.

Parody skills: **** (four out of four stars)

General Hotness: ***1/2 (three and a half out of four)

Staff Sgt. Obama: Derrick Brooks

He stood in for Barack during the Inauguration rehearsals. Obama didn't see the resemblance, and yeah, they really don't look that much alike, other than the "light browness," but he's hot, so he's here.

Parody skills: None. He was just doing his job like any ridiculously sexy man in uniform would.

General Hotness: ****

Tropicana Obama: Michael Duvet, model/actor

Tropicana swears they were not trying to capitalize on "Hope Fever" when they cast this incredibly good looking actor for their print ad campaign.

Suuuuure. He's just Fake Obama Sexy for no damn reason at all.

Parody skills: *** (If it's a parody of looking cute while brown, he passes with flying colors.)

General Hotness: **** (That is a beautiful man, my friend. Once again, doesn't really look like Barack unless you squint, but ... ahem, he's dreamy.)

Keegan Obama: Keegan Michael-Kay, comedian

Now unemployed due to the slow death of SNL rival, Mad TV, Keegan Michael Key put up a serviceable Obama that was delightfully goofy and madcap (to match the sophomoric and weird energy of Mad TV). Keegan's only sin is that he's not as good looking as Barack, but he's good-looking enough to meet the standard.

Parody skills: ***

General Hotness: **1/2

Lamar Obama: Michael Lamar, professional FauxBama

Lamar, a professional Obama impersonator, recently went to France to spread some of that "Hope and Change" to our struggling black n' brown French homies. (One love to my Frenchie Snobs!) I don't think he looks anything like Obama (he looks a bit like an old, you know? Obama's younger looking and this guy's face is much more elongated). I think it's better when more youthful people play Obama, even individuals younger than him because it plays up the fact that Obama doesn't look "grandfatherly" like past presidents. He's energetic and hip.

Parody skills: Unknown (I've never seen the man do his thing)

General Hotness: * (He's cute, but not Obama cute ... if you know what I mean)

Roman Obama: Roman Watson, Jesus-loving male model

He starred in a Harper Bazaar's editorial last summer, helping Tyra Bank's indulge in her Michelle Obama fantasies. We weren't really impressed with Tyra's playing pretend, but Fake Barack was incredibly delicious looking, ears and all.

Here is what I initially wrote about RoBama:

He's a Miami-based, 6-foot-2-inch, Jesus-loving hunk of a male model who works for MC2 Model Management. I suggest restraint while looking through his portfolio. He really does look like Barack's insanely hot half-brother.

Parody skills: **** (All he had to strike a pose and that pose was hot)

General Hotness: **** (Did I mention he's a professional fashion model?)

Fred Obama: Fred Armisen, Saturday Night Live comedian/Habitual offender

You know how I all feel about Fred and his sometimes piss-poor forays into Barackatude. He kind of sucks at it. It's gotten better, but ... you know? Still kind of sucky. My fair Alphacat -- he's no you!

Parody skills: **1/2 (He's hit or miss)

General Hotness: *1/2 (Fred actually looks better dolled up as Obama than he does in real life. I don't know how to score that one. But, I also thought Fred made a cute Mahmoud too! Maybe he should just start tanning or something. Couldn't hurt, my fair not-white-white-guy.)

Indulge In Your Artsy, Inner Hopey Fantasies!

2009-01-15T10:20:00.005-06:00

Courtesy of Paste Magazine! Make your own Fairey! I made mine! It's a little slow and clunky, but still fun. (via Gawker)

PS. If you make a really good one, send it to me and I'll post it on the blog on Inauguration Day!

Rants: Local Alabama NAACP Is Anti-Stupid Poofy Dress In Inaugural Parade

2009-01-13T10:59:00.006-06:00

I'm sorry. I wasn't aware that we black people ran out of real problems and only had mock outrage to deal out over a bunch of girly-girls in Southern Antebellum Era, fantasy-fetish colored hoop skirts and stupid wide brim, ruffled bonnets.

From Daily Kos:

Montgomery, Ala. (WSFA) -- They're part of a long standing tradition that will soon become a part of Presidential history.
The head of the Alabama NAACP, however, wants Mobile's Azalea Trail Maids to stay home on Inauguration Day, claiming the group reminds him of slavery.
"These are not just regular costumes. These are the costumes that remind someone of the plantation in Gone with the Wind," Edward Vaughn said in a phone interview.
Vaughn went on to say the group would be the laughing stock of the Inauguration. County leaders say nothing could be further from the truth.
"We want everyone to know that these young ladies do not need to be identified with slavery," said Mobile County Commissioner Stephen Nodine.

The Rebel Flag -- the stars and bars of the Confederacy battle flag -- is an offensive symbol a destructive, bloody Civil War waged by selfish, wealthy land owners who wanted to protect their "Peculiar Institution" by destroying America. Never mind that it involved the former enslavement of an entire group of people for having African heritage.

The great General Robert E. Lee, who passed over fighting for the Union to join the Confederacy, was not fighting for Miss Ann's right to dress like a wedding cake. This was not the "way of life" of which they spoke, considering most Southern women couldn't even afford the damn thing and it had nothing to do with slave owning. A stupid frilly dress is simply a stupid dress no matter what fictional Southern movie heroine wore it.

I hate to tell the genius at the Alabama NAACP this, but ... um ... free women of color wore the stupid dress too (if they were of means, especially in the Louisiana Territory), because, you know, it was the FASHION AT THE TIME! Invented by the Europeans! Inspired by the Victorian Era! And these dresses to be worn in the parade aren't even accurate. They're some Barbie doll nightmare version of them. Their only sin is that they are kind of ridiculous looking, reminding me of that crochet toilet tissue topper Granny Snob has at her house in Newport, Ark.

And some of these "offensive" throwbacks happen to be black girls (eight of them, in fact. Two others are Native American and one is Asian American) and the only crime I see here is the crime of being a little over the top.

Now, offensive would be if the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan got to march a "Southern Heritage" banner down the avenue in front of the motorcade, but if period clothing is enough to inspire Don Imus-level offense then everyone needs to stop wearing cowboy boots right now. I could have swore they were popular with the people who settled the American west driving countless Native Americans off their land and eventually into reservations, to the brink of extinction.

But strangely, you know? A cowboy boot is just a pointy-toed boot popular in the South and American West. Not a symbol of brutality. Neither is a stupid dress.

A noose. A burning cross. A Rebel Flag. A Klan hood. Those are the symbols of the South's tragic, violent, racist past (and in certain cases, present). Sometimes a dress is just a dress. The only thing oppressive going on is that corset underneath which once conformed Southern ladies to an unnatural standard of tiny waist size making them more prone to fainting.

Stories like these imply that there are no serious issues left to tackle involving blacks and racism in America. They also unfairly push the stereotype that only the South has racial hangups and dirty laundry. (Um ... What's the City of Boston's excuse? Do they have a frilly dress situation there too?) Petty complaints like this imply that all we have left are word police and now, fashion police in Blackland. An unarmed black man was shot and killed in Oakland, Calif. on New Year's Day and it spurned riots. Poverty and poor education plague our cities and many parts of the South, including Alabama. We just elected our first black president, president of color, non-white president, biracial president and THIS IS THE FIGHT WE'RE PICKING?

WITH POOFY DRESSES?

Picking fights over gauzy symbols of bygone femininity will not bring us any closer to equality. Perhaps they could focus on the OTHER 99 problems (but a dress ain't one) that trouble the African slave descendents of the great state of Alabama.

It's Official: Burris will get to pimp walk around the Capitol all day long

2009-01-12T19:54:00.003-06:00

And he's moving on up ... to the D.C. side! To a junior senator office in the skkkyyyyy! Remember kids! Squeaky wheel gets the senator's seat! (Politico)

Awww! Young Obama Love!

2009-01-12T19:33:00.004-06:00

From The New Yorker:

(T)here are times when we are lying in bed and I look over and sort of have a start. Because I realize here is this other person who is separate and different and has different memories and backgrounds and thoughts and feelings. It’s that tension between familiarity and mystery that makes for something strong, because, even as you build a life of trust and comfort and mutual support, you retain some sense of surprise or wonder about the other person.

Must resist! Can't write 500 paragraphs about how beautiful love is ... won't do it!

Read more about our hopelessly devoted, up with love, future power couple here.

Freak Convergences In Pop Culture: Framing Hanley Versus Lil Wayne

2009-01-11T18:06:00.005-06:00

This will surprise no one but The Snob hates Lil Wayne with a passion. Not personally of course. I'm sure he's a swell sort of gross looking dude. Nice by the bundles, but I can't say I'm a fan. I loathe the overuse of Autotune on nearly every rap/R&B single right now and since Lil Wayne is a chronic offender I am chronically offended by his alleged "music."

But, this doesn't mean The Snob is a music snob. I'm a snob about a lot of things, but my music collection pretty much runs the gamut from "look how sophisticated and astute I am" Nina Simone to a "What are you? Twelve?" 99 cent download of the Jonas Brothers "Burnin' Up." I can enjoy crappy pop music with the best of them, I just have my limits and Lil Wayne's ode to fellatio is one of those limits. Not only is the thought of Lil Wayne singing about his ding-a-ling on "Lollipop" gross to me, the whole song gives me a bad case of the Linda Blairs, complete with pea soup spitting action and colorful cursing. But imagine my confusion when I cursed the net and found this cover one evening.

(To see the actual music video, click here, but you have to sit through nearly two minutes of boring kids boring talking about banal, drunken suburban shizz before they rock out with the cock out to some Young Weezy reinterpretation.)

I don't know who these Flaming Henley people are, other than they look like horrid Fall Out Boy clones, but I was amazed at the mileage they managed to push out of Wayne's "Lollipop," taking your standard, rouchy club track and turning it into vintage "cock rock," emo Def Leppard-style, recalling a pop punk "Pour Some Sugar On Me."

Back in the day, habitual song murder Pat Boone would have de-crunked the shit out of any sexuality laden bit of black music he shlacked. Boone was known for his ability to easily de-bone and regurgitate "race music" for the skittish, demure white masses. Something for the folks who just couldn't handle Little Richard's pompadoured, fey sexual chocolate and fainted at just the mere thought of Chuck Berry's precious, white girl lovin' ding-a-ling. But what do you call it when a white, suburban rock band covers classic Negro raunch and keeps all the raunch, just removes the Negro?

The song is still rather gauche, yet different. And you can't really say they necessarily made it more palatable. The white masses, no longer being held back by their stogy anti-race music grandparents, love Lil Wayne to the tune of millions of illegal downloads. Hell, indie rock internet queen Marie Digby covered he and The Game's "My Life" practically verbatim in the style of Lilth Fair and it somehow became some flowery folk American paean akin to a Dawson's Creek-ification of "House of the Rising Sun."

What seems truly apparent is how much American music, created by whites and blacks, influences one another. How blacks created Rock N' Roll, how white musicians took Rock N' Roll and changed it up, eventually creating their own style distinctly different, yet obviously related sound. And when you throw it altogether and actually keep the integrity (as opposed to committing the soft bigotry of lowered expectations that was Boone's shtick), what you have in the end is the elements of what made the song an attractive song to people in the first place.

People like Lil Wayne's "Lollipop" because it is a sexual fantasy you can dance to, the classic ingredients for a party song. Framing Hanley kept the sex, the fantasy and the dancing, but lost the Autotune, added guitars and some rock bravado I thought was long dead since the advent of Grunge in the 1990s.

Nirvana, Stone Temple Pilots, Soundgarden and the like effectively killed all rock music that was about solely about party penis power, largely because grunge was so serious and Guns N' Roses, the last arena rock act standing, was not. Alternative rock eventually became a very pop slickened medium, whether pretty boy introspective (The Fray or Coldplay), hopelessly twee (Belle and Sebastian) or whatever the hell My Chemical Romance is supposed to be. (Emo-metal? Melodic punk?)

Rap music, on the other hand, maintained its sex driven streak despite the different flavors of the genre available. You could go for something enlightened or you could go for something gangster, but sex and rap music (just like sex and black music in general) have pretty much gone stayed the same. Never has one ethnicity wrote so many different odes to fornication in so many styles. It's not that we don't have other things to sing about, but sex appears to be a favorite topic. While the men of rock were getting in touch with the softer side of Sears, rap music was trying to figure out how they could make the song more explicit. "Lollipop" was a track made for the strip clubs (much like "I'm In Luv Wit A Stripper" and pretty much everything T-Pain sings).

But if Soundscan is to be believed, Lil Wayne's style of pop is the thing the kids are into these days, regardless of pigmentation, leaving me to wonder:

When you produce Wayne's pop with only a slight format change, are you creating a revolution in your genre (is this the return of white boys singing proudly about their dicks again?) or is this a pathetic attempt to stand out from the emo pack by hopping on Tattoo Face's leaf overs? Did they make the song better? Did they make it worse? Was the song beyond redemption anyway, so no cover mattered? Will this take us back to how country and R&B artists would regular cover each others hits because the genres were similar enough to make the song a successful, but the audiences were so far removed that they wouldn't even know whether you were listening to Buck Owens covering Ray Charles or Ray Charles covering Buck Owens? (Or for folks my age, country singer Mark Wills twanging up some Brian McKnight versus country fans who had no clue who Brian McKnight originally wrote and performed "Back At One?" Or pop/R&B boy band All-4-One's habitual country track ripping?)

I'm thinking this is a one-off gimmick/tribute to what's technically hot in the streets. That's not necessarily a bad thing, just the latest bizarre hybrid born out something singularly American pop music.

Brilliant or Trainwreck: Sharpton's Perm Versus Hannity's Mouth! You Watch! You Decide!

2009-01-10T12:52:00.008-06:00

For some reason, after years of using Alan Colmes as a personal punching bag for bringing a thesaurus to a knife fight, Sean Hannity is doing to pre-inaugural stunt casting and has invited Rev. Al Sharpton and Meatloaf to an upcoming segment of his shout-fest on FOX News. I don't know if this is just to stir up some trouble/ratings, but say what you will about the Good Reverend Al -- he's no Al Colmes.

My one true criticism of Hannity (coveted winner of The Black Snob's "Most Hated" award on "Top Pundit") was that it was unfair to bring the mild-mannered, librarian like Colmes to his Fight Night at the Apollo Creed-like show. If he had his druthers and really wanted to stir up things he'd have on someone as loud and crazy as himself, like Ed Schultz, who I can't stand, because he is just as irresponsible with his words and conspiracy theories as Hannity is. A nut should fight a nut, but no, he picked Colmes to berate and mock because he wanted to promote the stereotype of the wimpy, effete Liberal (even though Colmes sort of developed a bit of a spine as Obama gained momentum towards the end, perhaps knowing that he was totally blowing this Popsicle stand once the election was over).

Al is more like Ed than he is like Alan. A matter of fact, he's a lot like Ed, only Al (shock of shocks) is slightly more responsible about the words that come flying out of his mouth. Dare I say it: he has some restraint compared to the feral Schultz. That said, Al is as much of a scheming, sly opportunist as Hannity and a likely bit smarter around the mouth area. He will be bringing a gun underneath that James Brown perm to the knife fight? You know the Good Reverend always does!

So what is this? Suicidal or crazy like a FOX News show? I think it's a little of both. And if Hannity is savvy, he will bring on more lefty whackadooes and less Liberal cockadoos, re: people as nutters as he is on the left, to produce a more "entertaining" fight for the masses. Plus, he might get some people other than the regulars to watch the show and all TV news is turning into shouting as a viable public discourse so, why not? He could actually claim the "high horse" over Keith Olbermann and charge that he at least has Liberals on his show to mock regularly, as opposed to fellow ideologues and "impartial" beat reporters.

And that is my biggest criticism of Keith, who I enjoy occasionally, but sometimes annoys the shit out of me. At least Chris Matthews and Papa Bear Bill O'Reilly invite the opposition onto Hardball and The Factor to get shouted down and berated like the condemned, sans ciggie, in front of a loud, obnoxious, verbal-diarrhea afflicted firing squad. Keith is as loud as the rest of them. What gives? Why is lovable, hateful, crazy Pat Buchanan the only member of the Fightin' Fruitcakes to get an occasional spot at the table? I mean, I love crazy Pat the Bigot as much as the next person, but, c'mon, you could have his equally hateful sister, Bay, on once and awhile! Jon Stewart does!

But back to the question at hand: Hannity versus Sharpton -- will you watch? (Or will you watch it on YouTube, I should say. I know some of us are pretty adamant about not supporting FOX in any form.)

The fight will go down on Monday. Here's the take from Broadcasting & Cable's report:

The new Alan Colmes-less Hannity premieres Monday with frequent Fox News guest Al Sharpton filling the liberal seat on Sean Hannity's newly christened "Great American Panel."
Rep. Michelle Bachman (R-Minn.) will fill the seat on the right. (And she should have plenty to talk about given the Senate dispute in her state between Al Franken and Norm Coleman.) ...
Hannity will employ a rotating panel in lieu of a permanent ideological counterpoint. The show will also bow a few new elements including the Hate Hannity Hotline featuring highlights from Hannity haters.

Side note: If Hannity's show does turn into "Fight Club" would this mean that FOX News has actually recreated CNN's "iconic" (and I say that ironically) original political fight club show, Crossfire? And does that mean Jon Stewart can get invited on to kill the show again? Because that, my friend, that was awesome. Jon Stewart KILLED A SHOW!

Stop hurting America, Hannity!

Would Someone Please Tell Sarah Palin She Is "NOT HELPING" Herself?

2009-01-09T13:40:00.007-06:00

This week on "The Perils of Sarah Palin," Alaska governor, veepstakes loser Sarah Palin continued jumping in front of microphones and cameras and saying things that never needed to be said for ... I don't know ... the amusement of schadenfreude loving Liberals? Late night comics? Evil Keith Olbermann? Why is she talking again? (And why is Joe the Not Plumber going to Israel to cover the bloodbath in Gaza?)

But most of all, why is she talking about this?

Palin also complained about reports suggesting that Trig Palin was not her son and said she was "frustrated" by rampant rumors about her and her family. However, mainstream media stayed away from such rumors, which were fueled by bloggers and others online and the supermarket tabloids.
"I wasn't believed that Trig was really my son," she said. She called it a "sad state of affairs."
"What is the double-standard here?" she asked. "Why would people choose to believe lies? What is it that drives people to believe the worst, perpetuate the worst?"
"When did we start accepting as hard news sources bloggers, anonymous bloggers especially?" she asked. (Huffington Post)

Why does Palin even bring up Andrew Sullivan's favorite sexy Palin conspiracy theory? No one in TV or in print touched this shit as they did not want it to get on them, stinking up the joint. This was PURELY an internet phenomenon. Yet, she talks about it openly as if the New York Times had reporters bribing her OB/GYN. As if Bill O'Reilly was giving in-depth chats on the status of her daughter's hymien with the rest of The Factor. Why even discuss it, you media-un-savvy nimrod? Why?

As I wrote on Facebook Friday (and feel compelled to share here), I just don't get why she would even bring it up or entertain questions about it. It would be akin to Hillary Clinton taking questions about her assistant allegedly being her Lesbian lover or that she killed Vince Foster. I mean, no one who considers themselves serious media would touch that shit with a 10 foot pole, but Sarah is literally dancing on the pole with pasties on. I mean, GET OFF THE POLE, woman! GET OFF THE POLE!

Get Yer Geek On!

2009-01-08T21:24:00.007-06:00

Comic collector alert! Spider-Man meets the president-elect!

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #583, available in comic book shops nationwide on January 14th, 2009. Look for the special variant cover by artist Phil Jimenez featuring the President-Elect and Spider-Man!

Also for your viewing pleasure --

More "YOUNG BARRY: The Man Who Would Be President." (From Obama Pics Daily)

And yes, Jamaica Funk. That's what it is. Let it get into you. (Actually, I think this was taken at a Jazz Festival, but, whatever. In my mind that's what he's grooving to.)

And for your latest in EXTREME OBAMA, an electronic puppet edition of "WTF???"

It reminds me of those fake flowers with sunglasses in pots that used to dance to the radio that were big in the 90s.

Ozaki iMini Pets Animatronic Obama - Who wants a Muppet Barack Obama to sing and dance along with their favorite tunes? Hands higher, please! Higher! (Yahoo! Today In Tech blog)

Said Snob reader, Lesa, "I guess they want a presidential Bojangles?"

"My chest? What about my glorious chest?"

2009-01-08T06:00:00.000-06:00

Barack Obama on Barack Obama shirtless:

You know, it was--it was silly, but, you know, silliness goes with this job ... Well, you know, the--my wife was tickled by me blushing. Anyway, what point was I making here, John? We got sidetracked by the... (Huffington Post)

Yeah. We all got sidetracked by the "the." That was some the, man! Indeed!

Now in non-shirtless, hottie president-elect pictures:

Barack got to hang out with the ex-presidents and "current occupant" Wednesday. Thankfully, for the sake of humankind everyone kept their shirts on.

Wait? Did I Say Roland Burris Had Balls?

2009-01-07T18:46:00.006-06:00

Let me rephrase that ...

The man has the balls of Gibraltar. When you look up "cojones" in the dictionary THAT TOME HE'S NOT DEAD IN WILL BE THE PICTURE! I'll let Jon Stewart do the heavy lifting this time.

Jon, tell us, man. What's dah heezy with that?

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Crisis in the Senate - Deliberative Disorder

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Also, for the Snob Record: I think this incident has more to do with "opportunism" than "coonism." I know people want to throw the term "Uncle Tom" around which I HIGHLY dislike because neither the real life inspiration for the character of Uncle Tom or the character of Uncle Tom of "Uncle Tom's Cabin" were actual "Toms" by modern definition, but some things are just what they are. To me, this story is about a guy saying to himself "I'm-a gonna get mine!" no matter the cost. (Even paying your own ticket from Midway to DC on Southwest Airlines to not get sworn in.) That's pretty much the American way and racial fidelity has never been one to hold an ego back. This is a story of two people (Burris and Gov. Blago) reciting one of my favorite Notorious B.I.G. songs from the "Ready To Die" album over and over.

And I quote, "The What" (For the curse word sensitive, please advert your eyes!):

Fuck the world.
Don't ask me for shit!
Everything you get
You gotta work hard for it.

End quote.

Seriously. Burris could care less if this is "potentially embarrassing to Barack Obama." Or any black person because, despite the good Rep. Bobby Rush's statements, this isn't a race issue. This is about political power. Obama is already the President-Elect. Everyone is in a mad grab for any job with a title behind it, white or black, male or female, Asian, Latino, gay, straight. Even CNN's Dr. Sanjay "Looks Good In a Tight Black T-Shirt While Reporting Your Planet In Peril" Gupta is looking at a pay cut to get on with Team Hope. Folks want a job in politics in 2009. The opposition can't do anything but bitch and moan about the circus Burris is starring in and too many people have bought into their frowny-faced finger-wagging. Everyone from the prosecutor to the man himself has said Obama was not there when the shit went down, so could everyone calm down, eat some popcorn, shake your head and enjoy the show?

Burris is a George Jeffersonian man trying to get his senate pimp walk on. Why are ya'll interrupting? After all, a so-called Tom would be trying to destroy the black race through profiting his white masters. Like, I don't know, writing misogynistic rap lyrics that make black men and women mistrust each other, profiting from those lyrics by giving the bulk of the money to wealthy white-owned record companies who profit on black exploitation, never giving back to the community while starring on a reality show called "Bros Before Hoes" where you douse half naked black women in Cristal, brag about killing other black men and go by the nickname Lil Bae Bae. Or ... you try to get the Voting Rights Act of 1964 repealed. Or you're Clarence Thomas and you bring up a bullshit "Obama was not born in America" case to the frickin' Supreme Court.

Coonism is NOT being a career politician/lawyer out of the community who did work and fight for black issues, but saw a big sign that read OPPORTUNITY and simply did not care about things like, "Will this embarrass me or the new president?" Fuck no! Effie Whites don't think that hard. Folks are tryin' to be a senator up in here. Do you realize how hard it is to get in the senate and how HARD a person will hold on to a seat? Senator Larry Craig of Idaho got busted soliciting sex in a airport bathroom and he WOULD NOT LEAVE the senate! An ex-Saturday Night Life comedian is in a Minnesota triple-overtime deathmatch recount over a senate seat he will NEVER concede no matter what the count says, up or down.

Plus, Burris is 71 and like most old folks, he just doesn't care what anyone thinks anymore. Do your grandparents care what you think? Can you tell grandpa that he would look silly getting involved in this Blago drama? And while I know old people can be annoying, let's not blame so-called "Civil Rights Era Negro" syndrome. What the hell was Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick's excuse?

It's about power. Pure and simple. And this is Burris' last shot. Love him or hate him. He seriously does not care what we think and in the end this is SEVERAL SHADES less embarassing than, let's say, OJ Simpson or the R. Kelly trial which involved, you know, real crimes and shit. All this proves is that black politicians are just like all politicians. Trifling. For the first time, the "Good Ol' Boy" network is no longer a hinderance in getting a hook-up on a national scale for a black man. After all, Caroline Kennedy is trying to pimp herself the same deal in New York with Hillary Clinton's seat, but without the whole crazy governor situtation. That's not embarassing. That's progress!

So, I really don't think this diminishes from Obama's achievements, the various achievements of other "Civil Rights Era Negroes" or even the performances of that wonderful Sue-loving Bobby Rush. This says something about Burris (an egomaniac) and Blago (also an egomaniac), but it's not a reflection on us black folk as a plurarilty. And folks were not just going to go "Obama '08," suck in their guts and act "perfect" for the next four to eight years. Really. I don't think I'm going to get passed over on a job interview because Roland Burris is in DC shouting "I gotta get mine, you gotta get yours" over and over. If he looks like a fool, he is the fool. But he is betraying no one in his foolishness.

The Definition of Baaa-aaallz

2009-01-06T13:47:00.004-06:00

Mr. Burris goes to Washington.

I swear. He's getting all Effie White on me and ya'll know how I feel about Effie Whites even when they're wrong. LOVE THEM!!! With every self-smug grin and you-will-not-deny-me! glare I fall in love with his amazing level of OMFG hubris. The arrogance! Pimp rag, Tootsie Pop and a cane!* (Link needs Rhapsody to play) Just when you think it couldn't get worse, it does. Just when you think it couldn't get crazier, it is. And now, Rep. Bobby Rush's wild race card playing has been put in perspective with allegations that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pretty much balked at every Negro being considered for the president-elect's vacated seat. What's real and what's Memorex? Who the fuck knows. This is like Predator Versus Aliens ya'll. No matter who wins, we lose.

And the stand-up Burris did on live TV yesterday at Chicago's Midway, the Chi's Dante's Inferno of airports, in front of Southwest Airlines ticket counter? Complete with gawking, cell phone chatting "look I'm on CNN" trolls? Priceless. I once few on Southwest out of Midway with Tone Loc. That's how Southwest rolls. They pull ALL the broke rappers, would-be senators and unemployed journalists.

Hate Burris, love Burris or simply love the show (and I love a good show), I really think Gov. Hot Rod Blagojevich has Reid's nuts in a vice over this.

Why Are The Obamas Feeding My Obama Crack Habit?

2009-01-05T14:11:00.004-06:00

I was really depressed today (don't ask), but then Christmas came back when the President-Elect and Michelle Obama released "first day of school" pictures of the kiddies. Why? Obamas? Why can't I quit you??? You're just so aspirational! I can't find my snark. I CAN'T FIND IT! (Gawker)

Snob News!

2009-01-05T06:00:00.003-06:00

Howdy folks!

I'm still working on the Snob 2.0 site. (It's going slow, but I still think I can meet the Jan. 20th deadline.) I've enlisted my future business mogul baby sister (aka "Baby Snob"), Deidre, to be my business partner to help me get the site's financial house in order. She's basically going to focus on advertisement and marketing, stuff I don't always have the time to dedicate to. I may also have an editor on board to help out in reducing typos by more than half for 2009 and assisting in the shift to more pop culture and media coverage to go with all the Obama stalking.

I've also been invited to attend the 5th Annual Black Policy Conference at Harvard University's Kennedy School of Government. (The Snob is going to the land of Snobs, ya'll! Wait ... wouldn't that be Spelman/Morehouse? Well. If we were only talking precious black snobs.) The event will happen this April 16-17. I'm pretty excited. I'll be part of a panel.

I'm planning to use this trip to Cambridge as part of a larger trip (depending on my level of employment) where I will go on a tour, visiting friends and potential business partners on the east coast. If this happens I will let you know and document all in an on-line travelogue.

I've made a lot of east coast friends and I have a lot of old buddies from California who now live in the east, so this should be interesting. Perhaps I'll set up a speaking gig or two. I have to run that past my sister though, as she's going to be the brains here. Plus, I need to save up the cash to go on the trip and plan who, what and where I will visit. I definitely want to hit NYC, New Haven and the Washington, D.C. area due to connections I made, as well as visit long-time friends in Pennsylvania and Kentucky (my beloved Jesus Freak homies for life).

Plus, SOMEONE promised me a tour of 30 Rock that I plan to cash in. Mos def.

Stay tuned. Same Snob time. Same Snob channel.

The Obamas Go To Washington

2009-01-04T13:54:00.007-06:00

Goodbye Hawaii. Goodbye Chicago. Hello Washington, D.C.

Sidenote: There's a debate going on in one of the threads about Michelle Obama's appearance. Normally, I stay out of such fracas because I honestly don't think its relevant. She's First Lady, not a beauty contestant. But to toss in my two cents -- stop. Nothing good will come of this. I don't like it when people reduce Michelle O. to her body parts and lust all over her. I don't like it when people talk like she's the Queen of Sheba. I don't like it when people accuse her of looking mannish. I goof on how much like Michelle because I do, genuinely, like her and find her fascinating. But there's no need to cut each other over this issue of "beauty" and its many definitions.

So just stop. It's not her job to be pretty. I enjoy that she likes to dress with some flare. I enjoy that she has taken to her role as aspirational figure well. But this isn't America's Next Top Model. This shouldn't be an argument at all because her looks are immaterial to what she truly represents --

The first black First Lady. That pretty much beats beauty queen hands down. If she wears cool clothes on top of that, that's all just extra nuts and syrup on the Sundae.

That said, Daddy/Daughters time! (At the zoo Dec. 30 in Honolulu!) We black folks need our paternal therapy via pictures of Barack hugging his kids. You don't know how happy this makes people feel. Seriously. Black women alone are OD'ing on this right now. It's like the Snickers Bar of Hope. Hug your kids, people!