No3ik

happy

2009-12-04T22:18:00.006+03:00

fluttering beats ..
that tickles the heart..
draws a smile,
that you could taste.
lifts weights off my years,
upturns the corners of my mouth
again, and again.
i close my eyes...
and try to stop.

-buticant-
:)

a strange story worth telling (or thats what ive been told) :p

2009-10-11T05:20:00.010+03:00

since Halloween is on the way - u might be up for kind of a scary story :p

when we moved in our lovely complex.. we loved everything about it but one thing, we had to endure waking up early in soo many mornings and rush out of our apartments coz of (false fire alarms!) they would happen maybe once or twice a month! when ever ppl evacuate and wait for the green light to go back in, what would happen is we would all get to meet some new ppl and socialize in our pajamas :p (cute!)

one day while were in the lobby socializing and waiting .. i met an old old lady. in her maybe mid 60s, she kept talking on how she had to leave new york and move up here coz she lost ALL her fortune to the very famous ponzi scheme!! i felt so sorry for her .. she also mentioned that after she lost her money her family (two daughters) havent been so close to her anymore!! i know its terrible .. they kind of lost respect for her .. thats what she thinks anyways. and her husband is deceased, so she was living all alone poor thing :( she really broke my heart and i have decided to drop by her place from time to time just to check on her. she lived right down the hall, she would be sooooo happy everytime i did, she also adores abdullah .. all we would talk about is (how she lost all her money) again and again!

my reply would be the typical Muslim reply (its ok! its just money, most important thing is that you have got your health, and your family, rest will get better with time u have to be patient and always thank God no matter how bad things get, its just a test)

she kept reminding me shes Jewish .. and i kept reminding her we all have a God. and the system works just the same! :p

soooooooo this was just an introduction to what happened!! LOL bear with me please :)

on Valentines day, i prepared some cute red goody bags for aboods gymboree classmates, and i have decided to save one for her, placed it on her door mat, since she was out. later on the day, as i was working and abood is just following me around the place; the door bell rang .. i looked through the magic eye and there she was!! :S

i gasped!! held my breath and for a second was thinking if i should just ignore her and pretend to be out, but 3boods playing around and she definitely heard him .. i slightly opened the door and there she was:

(her blond whitish thin hair was all messed up mostly upwards and the rest was all over her face, her face was swollen, the entire right side was bruised, she had a BLACK eye! she couldn't even open her eye. she was only wearing a pajama top (black satin with buttons) .. that was unbuttoned!! she only buttoned the middle one.. but right under that button popped her entire (big) belly!! completely out there! and the scary part .. NO BOTTOMS! .. no nothing .. the pajama top reached exactly to her (****) thank God! she had no shoes on or even socks!! she was BARE FOOT!!!! and it was FREEEEEEZING COLD!! that day. her legs were BLUE!! and the scarier part .. she was holding the box of chocolates i left her, in one hand and in the other she was stuffing her mouth with chocolates!! munching with her mouth open .. all chocolate inside and out!!! she said with a horrifyingly scary crazy tone (THANK YOU FOR THE CHOCOLATES!)

i swear i felt like i was in a horror movie at that moment! i could hear thunder and rain in the back of my head lol i couldnt believe that what i was seeing was real x/

i just wanted to run!!! she looked soooooooooooo creepy .. i had no idea what to do .. i just said "your welcome" and then pushed the door .. she reached out and pushed it back!!! :S "can i come in!!" she said .... completely horrified i replied "yes."

so as i mentioned earlier, we have just moved in at the time .. and our living room; our new very nice living room just arrived two days ago! she marched right in and sat on the large sofa!!!!! with no underwear on!!!!! all i could think of was (EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW) and (omg omg omg!!!)

she sat there like everything was fine and normal .. kept talking about the ponzi scheme again and how she lost all her money and how she misses newyork!! all i could think of at that moment was two things:

(get off the sofa) and (i hope hub doesnt come home and see this (since hes a clean freak!)

oh and since shes with no underwear too!! :/

as i was still in complete horror and as she was still sitting there yapping .. guess what happened .. the door opened! and yes, it was hub!

he came in and his eyes almost popped, his face flushed red and immediately looked away!! i could see the anger he was in .. he said hi and went to his office! after he left ..she kept asking when is he coming back coz she wanted to chat with him! (seriously) :S
i kept telling her he wont coz hes busy .. she kept on waiting for him.. 10 mins later she decided to finally leave us alone.

after she did .. i swear to God the sofa SMELLED!!! IT REEKED! i have no idea what it was but it was disgusting!!!! hub asked me to get rid of the living room on the same day! he did not want to even look at it .. it was sold on craiglist 10 minutes after i posted it!! LOL I sold a brand new living room set for 400$ LOL cheap!!! no one even asked why?! :p the buyers kept pouring in! but to have a clear conscious i washed it very well and sanitized it with antibacterial sprays and everything you could imagine. it was good as new .. we were just stuck with the image! :p
needless to say that was also the end of our friendship :( been avoiding her ever since.

anyways .. thats one story for u .. lol theres a lot in store!

u gotta love LA! best ppl ever :p

take cares :*

silence

2009-10-04T13:05:00.006+03:00

is pretty very sad.

silence is never a good thing;
silence is hate,
silence is loneliness,
silence is cold,
silence is still,
silence is unpredictable,
silence is heartless,
silence is dark,

actually, silence is death.
so, speak!

Sep

2009-09-30T12:57:00.006+03:00

this month .. has so many occasions that are of importance to my life ..
my mothers passing away .. my anniversary .. and some more ..

i dont know what to make of it .. each september i become numb and some what confused.
i dont know what to do .. its a month where all ration stops to exist in my head.
i just wait for it to pass .. hoping that October brings back some normalcy to my daily life.
some quite thoughts .. and finally a decent amount of sleep.

im back in LA btw ..
this time things went smoother than before .. i missed it soo much
my other home .. and my new lovely friends..
was deffinately a unique experience for me to spend ramadan here, i loved it!
al7imdelllah .. life is still good isnt it :)

everyone stay safe please..
love ur loved ones :*

to smile again

2009-08-05T09:05:00.003+03:00

it ended just like it started,

with a deep breath.

a lavender hug that will always;

remind me to sleep,

with a smile on my face.

words, sounds, and closed eyes

that gave more life to life;

more sense to touch,

more heat to warmth,

and more hope to faith.

love can be dimmed,

but is never gone or dead.

sealed with a promise,

to spread its wings

and live

Kuwait (7bebty)

2009-07-15T11:31:00.004+03:00

Hi,
im baaaaaack! ;)
ive been in Kuwai for more than a month .. and its just unbelievable how much has changed in just 7 months!
im still trying to get used to some of the changes .. some changes were physical and some were emotional. Some people are not the same, some places dont feel the same.

i dont know how to describe it .. its just strange .. makes me wonder how will i feel after coming back in two years!

i missed this place so much .. i dont mind the bad weather, i dont mind the drama ive been getting .. im just happy im here .. home.

will be leaving again late Aug .. so im trying to enjoy it as much as i can before its too late.
strange thing is .. i also miss my other new home in LA!
dont know how will i deal with leaving it permanently after were done. its going to be very sad .. i get attached so very quickly.

before i go wish me luck .. im vaccinating 3bood today (his one yeard vaccine!) yes hes one now :)
and also i have joined Pilates and more! they are simply the best gym i have ever tried in kuwait.
www.pilatesandmoreq8.com

hope evryone is well ..
love u guys ..

What next...?!

2009-04-28T07:17:00.006+03:00

so while were here .. worrying over this great SWINE flu! and the Mosquito West Nile Virus ..
all in California!! plus an earth quake just hit Mexico :/ like can it get any worse! .. answer is:YES!

i keep getting these phone cals from Telemarketers!!!!
people they are beyond annoying .. i mean there should be a nother word .. annoying seems so nice and sweet .. i dont know how to describe them .. theyre like bullies ..
i keep teling them: thank you im not interested!
NO YOU ARE INTERESTED AND YOU WILL LISTEN TO THE OFFER!

i swear this is how they speak ..

last call i got .. i was like DO NOT CALL THIS NUMBER AGAIN!! PLZZZZZZZ dont call
hes like : YOU WILL GET THE PACKAGE IM SELLING YOU, IF YOU DONT WE WILL CHARGE YOU 500 DOLLARS I ALREADY HAVE YOUR CARD INFORMATION!
and he hung up on me!!

a telemarketer hangs up on his customer after threatening him! LOL

wallah i have no idea whats going on here .. i of course started with ignoring them .. then hanging up on them .. what they do is they call you more and more each time .. during the day and night ..
they leave u voice mail .. they call constantly to the point where i cant make a phone call when i want to!!

so heres a thank you God list:
Thank God for kuwait .. thank God that al Islam 7aram al PIGS! thank God we dont have earthquakes in kuwait. thank God there are no Telemarketers in kuwait, Thank God our innocent mosquitoes in kuwait are harmless all they do is bite .. and leave you with a red spot .. cute!

so now .. im worried over all these dangers that i feel like im surrounded with ..
i literally feel like "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!"
i want to be in kuwait sooooooooooooooooooooo badly .. inshallah inshalllah nothing bad happens .. golo ameeen ..

miss u and my blog soooooo much..

ps. cant believe 3bood will turn 1 in two months!! wow!
pps. the top pic has nothing to do with the post.

kind of complicated ...

2009-03-01T12:42:00.003+03:00

when one says .. they will not change ..
they wont let growing up change who they are from the inside ..
i know people who made such a promise to them selves ..
they actually believe its very important for them not to change, because they have reached a level of comfort with who they've become .. changing to them would mean losing their real identity.

someone told me; ppl who promise not to change are in denial .. cause change will happen whether they like it or not .. they will have to break. they shouldn't make such a promise because its not for them to keep. they must .. HAVE to change one day .. and when that day comes .. theyll still be in denial and just wont admit it. they will convince them selves that the new found them was there all the time, when its not the case.

i personally believe when some one doesn't want to change, they can try their best to be who they are .. do/ say what is normally said and done no matter who they're with and no matter what life brings to their plate.
i believe its a subconscious decision, that each of us make. depending on how comfortable you are with ur inner "self". it also about how how content you are on where your at. i think when your always clear about things in your life, when your honest with your self .. you can set a goal (beginning and end), that is when a clear line will appear .. and that line is you, its the core of who you are. at the end our lives revolve around what we want in life, and what we achieve. and that is who we become.

i know this may not make any sense ..
in my head its making perfect sense right now .. and im writing it as it is ..

bottom line .. ive been through "sh*t" and i dont believe i have changed..
yes i have developed in so many things, i survived and got back up, i have matured .. i have learned and gained so much.. but that doesnt mean that my core have changed. its light did get brighter, reached some other areas that weren't as visible before .. but im still just me.
i still see me on that line .. and im not going any where ..

when people i know .. give up on their original lines and shift .. it seems unfair,
because "life" is no excuse for such loss.

been long :)

2009-02-15T04:07:00.001+03:00

our view

it feels like forever! since i last blogged ..

i really cannot begin to explain how busy life is here in LA ..
its wonderful .. i love how busy im .. i love that im spending almost each minute with things that matter .. to me and the ppl i love.

*quick updates:
we got a new car ..
we moved into a really nice apartment .. great view ;)
we enrolled little boodi into this great semi nursery/school to develop baby skills ..
called Gymboree .. i really wish they would open a branch in kuwait. i really loved the place. had a great time there ..

what else .. i got me the best hair cut ever! in love with my hair .. u know when u get a new hair cut for almost a week and u just keep playing with it .. yeah im still in that phase.
oh and i almost forgot!! i became a BLACKBERRY person! i never was into big complicated phones .. but this is different! i mean everyone and everything i need is in it ;) so in love with it..
and may i add .. its HOT pink ;)

i heard that the weather in kuwait is really bad! i remmeber the last time it got this bad i was at work .. suddenly everything was orange! very scary! now my friends are telling me its not orange .. more like red! :s i really think when the weather gets this bad .. govermnet should issue an official day/days off.

were sill working on the apartment .. not completely settled in .. we still need to buy lots of furniture, lot of painting to do .. ill make sure we have fun in the process of it all ;)
i havent been going out much .. yet! but so far my fav two places are The Grove and Target :*

the grove

also im enjoying the TV here! my show list is:
- LOST
- Desperate housewives
- Gossip Girl
- Heroes
- Greys anatomy
- The office
- Scrubs

the new shows im watching are:
- US of Tara
- Secret Diaries
- Big love

i know its a huge list .. but with DVR .. i can manage all of them ;)

happy valentines ;)
hope everyone is well ..
i really miss each and everyone of u :)

Day one

2009-01-02T10:23:00.000+03:00

i can officially say that 31st of Dec 2008 has been literally the longest day in my life!
10am was my flight from Kuwait, add to it 14 hours flight to New York, then a wait of 4 hours in JFK, then 6 hours on Delta, we finally arrive to LA @10pm, that gave us 2 more hours till midnight! .. that makes it a total of 36 hours in one day!! LOL it felt like i was running away from 2009 :p

anyways so flights weren't as difficult as i expected .. Aboodi was a darling, he wanted to play, jump most of the time .. and be carried up while being walked around the cabin .. i refused to give him any of the meds that would make him sleep, im glad i did that because it wasnt that bad :) we really got to enjoy our time together .. part of it meant spending time in the bathroom where we played peekaboo with the mirror ;p

it was snowing in New York .. the sight was beyond beautiful! it almost brought me to tears.
LA was just as crazy as i pictured it to be! parties and beats all over the place. were staying in a hotel for now untill we settle in. when i wokeup the next day, i opened the window and my eyes almost popped @@ when i saw the HUGE Holly Wood sign! it was sureal to see it in life size! ;)
back to the partying, its funny, and very un expected .. but for now it seems that the most played beat is the "YES WE CAN" ... people are very hopeful here.

anyways .. we still have a lot of work a head of us .. weve got appointments to check out some of the places (apartments) we contacted online .. buy a car, get furniture and actually live there .. all in one week!

hope everyone had a blast with their loved ones :*
love u all.

Good bye Kuwait, Hello 2009!

2008-12-30T00:10:00.006+03:00

.

i only have one day left ..
ask your selves what would you do .. ? where would you go?
who will you see ? if u knew u only had 24 hours to spend in kuwait ..

were moving to Los Angeles inshallah .. for a very long time ..

i love traveling, but i also could never stay away from Kuwair for more than a month
i usually get home sick three weeks after travel ..
i dont know how will i deal with this .. the parting .. the missing ..
MY DAD! omg! i dont know how will i be able to live normally with out seeing him everyday @@ !!

im starting to get that annoying "stomach pain" the one i usually have before a final exam!
its terrible .. i just had green tea .. because i still have a lot of work and packing to do .. so i need to be focused...

im sure my blog will help me a lot... and be there for me, like it always have :*
i will definitely post more often inshallah ..

anyways, wish me a safe trip please .. cause im also worried about that! almost 20 hours on a plane will surely upset my 3abood and break my back :p poor thing!

.. take care all .. hope everyone is well ..
no3ik .. wishes you all the best!

and HAPPY NEW YEAR ;)

f*cking mess

2008-12-20T09:45:00.000+03:00

.. depression,
is becoming my loving blanket,
snuggles to press my heart in.
im chocking on pain ..
theres no more space, i swear ..
theres no more space .. not enough air
everything is - too - much.
too wrong.
how many breakdowns will i need
for it to STOP

mom ur killing me.

Im back from Dubaya ;)

2008-10-28T10:19:00.002+03:00

beach view

This was one of my most original visits to Dubai!
(im from now on calling it, the city that doesnt know how to sleep!)

i will start by saying i had a GREAT time but there were two major spoilers:

1. My back/feet:

i wasnt able to enjoy my shoes like i usually do .. from day one .. i immediately walked in to the first shoe store i got to and purchased me a pair of flats! i kept thinking "is this a sign im getting old! am i now broken?!" it was so depressing :( but then again its been only 3 months since my small body gave birth .. maybe it still needs time to heal .. i decided to still give me a chance ;p

2. Constructions:constructions

every visit i make sure we stay in a different hotel in Dubai, one of their finest hotels/resorts!
its very important to me the place we stay in has (walking areas) .. not just buildings .. it must have open space .. not just the city! its very important that im able to walk aroudn with my baby cam and take snaps of what i see... this time it was a different story!
yes the resort was one of the most luxuriuos .. yes the view was breath taking! BUT the construction of more than i can count ruined it all!!! they were like attacking the place from each and every corner. i kept thinking this country has a problem .. they dont know when or where to stop! they are literally suffocating the place!! u can no longer see the sky! mashallah because of the sky scrapers! no more land .. all projects and workers .. and if that wasnt enough .. they want to take over the sea as well and burry it!
i wasnt able to sleep well because of the noise .. they worked ROUND THE CLOCK! non stop!!
i felt so sad .. and sorry for this place because i know for a fact .. everything has a limit to it .. obviuosly they are pushing it!
I mean i was in Dubai few months ago .. an entire harbor was gone! i almost cried .. coz i rememeber taking shots of it and it was beyond beautiful! now its simply gone! *top pic

I really wish this doesnt back fire one day .. i dont know much about enviroemntal rules .. but i do know that in life, nature needs to be in balance.

other than that .. the star of this trip was no one but my little Aboodi :*** i dont think he knew he was in Dubai :p but the look on his face when ever he saw colors, lights, different shapes around him .. was more than enough .. his contact with phoriners and their kids; who would come and want to play with him .. again, was more than enough .. i know that he learnd something, and i know he enjoyed it :) best part was after we got home!! he wouldnt stop giggling and playing. He really missed being here (home) .. it simply was breath taking.

over and out! needless to say .. i missed u all soo very much ;*

Horrible pain!

2008-10-09T13:00:00.000+03:00

nothing can annoy me more than having to worry about something that i have no knowledge in.

vaccines!! when i go give abood his vaccinations .. it kills me that i have read in so many places /articles .. that some if not ALL are not necessary for babies .. a lot of ppl are shunning them for now and only giving them two years after birth .. to prevent some of what is believed to be harmful side affects (one of them is Autism!) and to give the baby's body a chance to build a stronger immune system.

what is worst than not having enough knowledge in something, is when you seek professional help .. and they simply give you one of the most generic answers! just to shut you up and send you home.
even the nurse who was giving the vaccine did not tell me what type of vaccine this was and for what purpose it was given! i have already did my home work and read it beforehand .. i just wanted reconfirmation from HER the person in charge of it.. she didnt reply .. she just said: its his scheduled vaccination, bring him again after a month!
im like (6igeeeny b3d!! :@)

i know i may sound over protective or even paranoid .. but that is not the case ..
im just wondering why isnt there enough information for the parents? why isnt the staff professional or the least nice!
she kept injecting the needles in his tiny thigh like he was an orange for practice! he was gooing and playing with his hands .. when suddenly his eyes flooded with tears! he was screaming from the top of his lungs .. his face immediately flushed bright red .. he just kept staring right into my eyes .. as if i have betrayed him!! i couldn't help but cry .. tried to make it easier by stroking his tiny head and his furry hair .. i promised him it was over, when it was not .. there were two more shots to go!! three shots all at once! isnt that too much
even we adults cant handle such pain.

After he took the three shots he was so tired .. there was no more energy left in him to cry .. tears kept rolling as he laid his head im my lap to finally surrender and sleep .. my crushed heart and worried thoughts kept on going. i hugged him real tight .. and apologized .. there was nothing else i could do .. the nurse let me go with no instructions at all .. other than a paper (prescription).
later on i learned that i was supposed to put cold/ice bags on his thighs .. and also make sure he doesn't get a fever .. which he did .. poor little thing.
it was a very terrible experience. i was not prepared for this at all.

good news is .. im leaving this week for a short break to Dubai :) and im taking Abood with me .. im sure its going to be great .. try and make it up to him ;p

Hope everyone is well .. (miss u)

LOL advice

2008-09-14T10:10:00.002+03:00

Almost everyone been calling me or coming over to see how im doing .. ( which is so nice ) but also most of them wanted to give me Great advice! (according to them)
Some advice were ok, and some were heh.. but .. no one could ever top this one:

I got a phone call from a friend on a Saturday,

F: Zanooooooooob .. dear how are u and hows the baby doing???
Z: alhimdellah were doing fine .. making it day by day .. :)
F: so when can we go out??
Z: yeah i really want to go out .. but i think its still too soon to leave 3abood u know .. since im the only one taking care of him and he needs me to feed him every two hours.
F: what about ur Khadama? (maid)
Z: what about her?
F: Let her take care of him for two hours!
Z: Hes just a new born! i cant let some stranger take care of him .. plus im his mother! im here and free why would i do that?
F: YAL MAYNOOOOONA!!! (ur insane!) you must let her hold him, change him, and pump some milk and let her feed him .. let her get used to doing all of these things from now when hes small, so that it will be very easy for her when hes older. Remember even when he cries .. let her walk with him till he stops crying with her .. make sure its with her ..
Z: @@ (no comment!)
F: so that when he he cries .. all you have to do is give him to her, he will stop crying my dear! wa7da b wa7da! ask me ;)
Z: @@ aha ..
F: plus let him sleep with her so that he will get used to her smell from now!
Z:: @@ uhhmmm ..
F: if you do all of this trust me you will be back to ur normal life in no time!! you will go out and everything .. u wont even remember you became a mother .. because you will know he is safe back home .. your life will be normal in no time.
Z: ok dear .. thanks for calling i really have to go now...!

SO BEING A MOTHER IS NOT NORMAL!!! i dont know whether to laugh or cry! this was so strange to me .. i dont know how some people think .. i really didnt care .. i didnt listen to a word she said .. i would have corrected her, but since i know the PERSON she is .. those 100% right all the time people .. i didnt want to waist my time on the phone arguing with her .. what really broke me .. was her (kid) who was a baby 3 years ago, who according to her does not even know the smell of his own mother :`(

This kind of new fashionable mothers is being popular amongst kuwaitis .. i really wish they would know that not being with your baby (newborn!) will kill the bond you will have with your kids .. for ever .. and it is unrepairable. With each child you only get to have one chance.. because they grow up so fast :) so don't miss it.

* Hope everyone is well ..
thanks for all ur prev emails .. im feeling super! drinking lots and lots of water .. down side of all this is that im not fasting this month :( allah e3eni 3l dain :p

Numb - 2

2008-09-07T15:09:00.003+03:00

Delicately realistic asked how i was doing through a message on facebook, this was my reply to her:

"i went to dar alshifa to see dr.hisham al5aya6 i dont know if u know him, he used to work in ebin seena .. hes a great doctor .. wayid he was nice o raya7ny
he did a physical test and asked me a lot of detailed questions .. family history and wanted to know exactly what happened.
he then told me i dont need an MRI or MRV .. he thinks is psychological.
postpartum depression. plus an anxiety attack. i never heard of this..
i mean anyone giving birth then numbing up .. but he thinks its the reason.
he thinks it will fade away in a week .. if it didnt he said he might refer me to a therapist .. since he also learned bout my mothers passing away.. he thinks i maybe still have bottled up feelings.

bs other than that .. al7imdellah im feeling better .. numbness comes and goes.. yesterday it came back to my entire left side again .. so im still giving it time hoping it will leave me alone soon :) coz it is a very bad feeling u know .. i feel like i dont exist .. when u cant feel the sensation of touch .. sub7an allah."

i should also add that this isnt a common thing after birth, i dont want to scare you :p it happened for so many reasons; in my case .. im not eating well, im breastfeeding, im sleep deprived, and im losing weight add to that im constantly worried .. and miss my mom all the time. Im physically and emotionally over working my self, the doctor explained it: as my brain shutting off my body so it would force me to have some time off.

After knowing all of this inshallah ill be better in no time.

ill be leaving you the info i worked hard to get, i made so many phone calls just to find the best of the best .. inshalah no one will have to see someone like the ER doctor ! who threw diagnosis so easily in my face like i was a case not a person.

-Dr. Asmahan - Neurologist
works at Ebinseena, and has her private Clinic. #5628756

-Dr. Hisham Alkhayat - Neurologist
Works at Ebinseena and Dar Alshifa Hospital #2626601

-To have an MRI in private hospitals, you can do it on the same day, or the next.
it cost around 140kd per part.

*Wishing no one will ever need the above numbers.
all the best for everyone :*

Numb

2008-09-05T14:20:00.001+03:00

*Alone:

last nite, Thursday @ 3:00am
My entire left face went numb starting with my left eyelid .. i pinch my cheeks and i felt only pressure on my muscle .. not the skin!
15 mins later .. my left arm is numb .. 10 mins later .. my left leg is numb ..
it was like a ghost crawling inside my skin and numbing it .. i was not able to feel any touch but only pressure! first thought came to my head is that i maybe was getting paralyzed.
i started to freak out, as it was about 4:15am .. little abdullah is asleep and so is my husband .. i walk to the bedroom .. almost dragging my heavy weak left side with me ..
reading Quraan on my self and massaging my leg .. hoping ill be getting any sensation .. anytime soon.
instead .. the left side of my brain starts to numb as well.. and it gets heavier than the right side.
that is when i woke up my hub.. asked him to take me to the hospital .. he got ready and we left. ..on the way, we decided to go to Government hosp since this seemed to be a serious case! and little did we know!

*Gov Hosp:

we arrive at 5am and boy was Mubarak hospital crowded! we take a number thinking that these people knew what waiting for ur turn meant! they just stood there by the door pushing .. who ever gets in first .. was his turn :s we just kept waiting .. as i wait .. with a numb left side .. my right side starts little by little to numb as well .. i literally thought i was dying .. i started saying "al shahadatain" .. with content .. thoughts and memories .. rushing and flashing .. i was smiling, thinking i would miss my little one grow up .. as i waited .. the darkest and brightest of thoughts came to me .. that is one suddenly i was called in to the room..

*The Doc:

i sat there .. on a black leather chair .. doctor looked at me as i was pretending to have an urgent reason to be in the ER .. since i wasnt moaning with pain or was on a wheel chair .. i was simply sitting .. right in front of him, able to walk my self in to the room..

i : i cant feel my body .. im going numb.

he sends me immediately for tests: temp, blood sugar and blood pressure..all came back normal.
he then looks at me and

says: everything is fine, you could be having a censure ,, but ur only 26 so its very unlikely .. or you maybe have MS. i cant do anything for you now .. im not a neurologist .. so go back home sleep and have some water! this could be nothing .. but i cant tell you anything for sure.

LOL after his diagnosis i sure will be able to sleep!

with a complete shock on my face i leave .. husband trying to calm me down "everything is going to be ok!" that is when u know something is definitely wrong .. when ur loved one .. with that look on his face .. tries to tell u that everything will be fine.
i smile back: lets just go home ..

*Home:

i go give 3bod a kiss and try to sleep.. imagine sleeping on ur bed .. with out being able to feel the sheets against ur body .. entire body ..
the only way to make sure i dont have MS is to make an MRI to make an MRI ill have to be on a waiting list .. that if im lucky will take 3 MONTHS!

im getting tired .. ill continue this post later .. needless to say .. i really need ur prayers .. tc all :*

Its been 2 months!

2008-09-03T15:23:00.000+03:00

My little mouse staring at me over his dads shoulder ;p

if said my life have changed 100% .. it would be an understatement...
is it good change? .. i really dont know .. is it change that i dont like? .. of course not..'
i love spending all my time with little 3bod .. but i also miss (me)

im simply trying to get used to this .. "my new life" .. a third person in the family..
hes one tiny person .. but he sure is A LOT of work!
i sleep 4 hours in total .. and no, not 4 hours straight!! never straight ..
before i got pregnant i weighed 52kilos .. now im 49!
its just constant constant work.

im so tired .. been doing this all on my own ..
its been 5 yrs since i lost mom .. i have never missed her like i miss her right now!
she would have made things MUCH easier .. on my little new family.
My husband has been a champ .. im so proud of him .. proud of what hes trying to do .. all the books hes reading .. all the diapers he changed so far, so that ill get a 10 minute nap ..
hes my real superman :**

anyways i missed my blog and i missed u all .. i think ill be away for a while .. because i really dont have time to blog or read other blogs .. wishing everyone is well ..

RAMADAN krem to all :****

3aboodi landed safely to this world :)

2008-07-08T10:15:00.000+03:00

YES!
i gave birth .. on the 4TH OF JULY!
how cool is that :p

i keep telling hub every year were celebrating his birthday in the US and tell him all the fire works are for his BIRTHDAY! ;)
anyways .. it was a very long long story .. but all that matters is that al7imdellah the baby is healthy, and im doing well .. it was an al natural birth, started from 3am and baby was out @ 10:50 am

alf al7imdelllah.
i would like to thank you all for your prayers .. i know for sure they helped me a lot in everything! so thanks.
hoping everyone is doing great :*

and may i add that being a mommy feels great!!

tick .. tock

2008-07-03T13:14:00.000+03:00

i can now confirm that having bed rest .. does actually WORK!
in my case .. it did more than just that .. hehehehe
im still a ticking belly waiting to pop ..
im enjoying my baby so much inside .. but im also growing so impatient of the constant worrying and waiting.

it at times get frustrating where i feel like i want to break and cry!
specially when its late at night and im so beat tired but cant sleep!!
i dont remember the last time i slept and didnt have to wakeup every 30 mins
to toss and turn!

im hoping soon! hehee its weird how can someone hope for the most painful experience youll ever endure.
thats why being a mother is a miracle! u hope and wait for what u know will be unbearable.
but i know i will look back one day .. and smile.

i want to hold my baby more than anything right now .. i dont care how or when ?
im planning to go all natural no drugs or epis .. so ill be needing those extra prayers from you guys :)

hope everyone is well .. i know most of u either left the country or on your way out .. so please enjoy it for both of us ;) since ill be stuck here all summer!

take care :*

You have to try this - MIND BLOWING

2008-06-22T12:13:00.000+03:00

its really not like me to just post links.. but this is an exceptional case!!
i and hub stayed up last night untill 3 a.m trying to complete level 108!!

AND WE DID!!

the thrill u get after completing each level is very worth it ;p
i know its lame, its just a game! but its very addictive and challenging.
my only excuse for spending so much time on it is that I consider it to be a very good work out to our brains :p

so enough said .. just click away:

http://www.levelgame.net/

and please update me on your levels!
im very curiuos to know who will master in this ;)

ps. another reason to hate work! is for blocking this link :@

still here

2008-06-19T14:43:00.004+03:00

going back to work .. is harder than i thought..
al7imdellah i made it past week 36 .. about to enter 37 now ..
and im wondering!! hmmmm .. i said "reach" 36 why is the baby still in there ?? that was not the deal! :p

i wish we can choose when to deliver .. like pressing a button and all will be over :( the constant waiting and anticipating is just too much .. im getting weak and impatient.

i now feel like the baby is punishing for not letting him out when he wanted out! heheheheh yeah that would be weird if babies thought this way ;p

the irony is .. my doctor who got me on bed rest so that i wont deliver .. is now asking me to go take long long walks .. and dance! hhehehehe so that id deliver!!

its not easy to do these things when ur carrying i dont know how many kilos in ur belly ..
the thing i miss the most bout my old life is being able to sleep on my belly .. my tum tum .. -sigh-

anyways .. this is a typical vent guys nothing special .. but i must say that im glad the weather is getting better .. i kind of missed our sun.

have a nice weekend all and please keep us both in ur prayers .. Allah knows i need them.

back to work!

2008-06-08T00:10:00.000+03:00

so im at work right now ..

many things happened that i didnt see coming .

im not so thrilled or happy about them ..

i still need to make alot of important decissions ..

but i wont rush into things.

anyways, after bed rest .. i really just miss the sigh of the sky, fresh air and people! lol but what i keep forgetting is that im in kuwait .. so i shouldnt miss these things, when all you get is dust in the air, gloomy sad pale skys, and frowny angry faces in the morning! .. not a good sight at all. i was thinking i might need to get away have some quality time with hub, weekend+resort .. do some pampering before the baby arrives ..

but with this weather! where would u go? it would be meaningless if not stupid. the only destination people should be taking right now is the airports .. and unfortunately that is not an option anymore ..

-sigh-

anyways .. i better get back to work!

hope all is well :)

cutest gift!

2008-06-01T11:18:00.008+03:00

this is literally the cutest moses basket i have ever seen :)
Thanks to my lovely sister :*

its funny now .. after i got this .. the baby seems more real to me!
and im really yearning to just tuck him in!!

- sigh -

anyways .. my bed rest is still on .. turns out im a lazy lazy person (couch potato)
i bothered to write a long to do list .. when most of what i did was just watch tv and get online :(
the rest of the time ill be just trying to sleep .. on the phone or have friends come over ..
but alhimdellah i managed to do Quraan reading, which we both needed.

i also have been listening to this clip everyday:

"Asmma Allah - Sami Yusuf"
inshalah it will be like his lullaby when hes out ..

the first time i saw this .. i burst into tears .. it touched me so deeply ..
i kept thinking .. THIS IS .. the real image of Islam ..
this is how people should feel about Islam. a peaceful .. gentle .. beautiful and pure religion.

it is so sad how things are turning out for us.

anyways .. hope all is well ;)

last night

2008-05-29T11:33:00.002+03:00

my pillow hugging my head,
muted tears kiss it back,
i curled in bed ..

-gasp- hold my breath,
vibrating body shakes every thread,
don't wake him up!
your ok! ..

everything is going to be ok ..
all in the dark,
what i cant see .. can never
harm me.

i whisper through the thin crust of air,
- i love you -
finally, wet lashes fall,
and good night.