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More Again?

2009-06-23T21:02:00.006-04:00

My family continues to shrink. My sister's husband has abandoned their marriage after 9 years. They dated 5 years before they married in 2000. I would post a picture if it were not a violation of their privacy. And I have to say that although my sister is her own special snowflake, I couldn't be married to her for ten minutes. This post is not about blame. It is about grief.Regardless of

Then again

2009-06-17T19:07:00.007-04:00

I don't want her to die. What a hateful thing to say. And not what I meant at all. What I am resenting is that no one in my entire family is willing to confront her except me, and frankly I feel that since I have already told her off, I am no longer obligated. I should get to log off this problem.Except that I don't, but for a different reason. It is a reason I don't like at all. The reason

Time again

2009-06-14T23:38:00.005-04:00

What happens next?Seven months after moving into Bob and Kate's Asylum, I have been thinking a lot - probably more than is healthy for a girl like me. Everything I assumed would happen in my life did not happen, and a whole lot of other things happened instead. Let me assure you that this is not whining; it is a simple statement of facts. I wanted to graduate from college without having learned

Sweating in the Oldies

2009-06-11T12:39:00.002-04:00

Kate returned from Sweden two days ago. (I know I made a quasi-promise to post every day while she was gone, but I found myself the accidental participant in a medical experiment that required me to do nothing harder than take a few pills, try with all physical, moral, and spiritual resources applied, NOT to take some other pill, and the observe my behavior carefully to ensure I wouldn't throw

Asia

2009-06-07T20:34:00.001-04:00

Nina's Dewey Decimal Section: 495 Languages of East & Southeast Asia Nina = 4941 = 494+1 = 495 Class: 400 Language Contains: Linguistics and language books. What it says about you: You value communication, even with people who

Time

2009-05-28T18:57:00.008-04:00

Kate left today for Sweden, which means I am on my own in an enormous house for 12 days. To most people, such circumstances would translate: horray! or party on! or naked time! Bah. I'd rather she had just stayed home. Being on my own means no one to talk to and masses of time I normally spend puttering around with her that I can now spend checking myself for suspicious moles or calculating

Daisy

2009-05-27T19:08:00.005-04:00

Today I was walking to the Cooper Square Post Office and I was breathing the delicious new summer air and feeling just excellent. I thought it could get no better. But then it did. About ten paces ahead of me was a kid, black variety, about 14 or 15 years old. T-shirt so big the sleeves ran on past his elbows. He was carrying a big bouquet of flowers - many peonies and roses and daisies.

Check, check

2009-05-26T22:54:00.012-04:00

This is an empty post where I say little other than that I am grateful, incredibly grateful that anyone still reads this blog. I am also grateful that I am not feeling as terrible as I felt this time last year. Oh! I also went to Chicago to visit my darling LAS. A few pictures from the trip: Yes, that is buttercream frosting. Good heavens. Better, substantive post to come tomorrow.

Sister

2009-05-21T23:12:00.008-04:00

I left the house tonight to go buy intoxicants. (We'll talk about that later). As I rounded the corner, I threaded my way through a half dozen guys. Internet, in case you were not aware, I attract the attention of people who linger on corners. The usual greetings are variations of: Baby, you fine. Mama, take me home. Bring it, sistah. Baby, I'm your man. Etc. Etc. Etc. Most women find this

Attendance

2009-05-13T21:29:00.002-04:00

If you are still reading (bless you), please comment so I know who you are. Include also any recommendations regarding content, style, design, polish color - whatever. Rethinking things and I need some ideas. Help Nina out, por favor. I love you more than ever.

.... in Translation

2009-04-27T10:02:00.034-04:00

I had a post almost ready to go about how happy I am that things are settling down and how glad I am that I can live my life free from all interference from the recent abhorrent and improbable events characterizing the last three years of my life. The first three sentences feature the word "happy" in multiple usages.Too bad I am not going to publish that one.Herewith, an email received from

Explanations

2009-04-11T11:49:00.010-04:00

Hi! I have complained a lot lately, and I should (perhaps) explain myself. Or at least elaborate on certain circumstances that (sometimes, but not always) threaten my equanimity. Issue the first: Living situation. After my dad died and the final round of bills associated with his illness and death hit my mailbox, I realized there was about 25 cents worth of financial cushion between me and

Like father

2009-04-06T19:29:00.005-04:00

A while back I met a man in his 60s. Due work circumstances, we spent a day together that long while back, and on that day, his work was easy and mine was not. But side by side we got through the day and then at the end of it, I thanked him for all the encouragement and advice he gave me. As we worked, I noticed the dark, restless quality of his eyes, as if there were a hundred thoughts all

Oh Dear Jesus God have Mercy

2009-03-30T23:05:00.004-04:00

I will explain later why many families had made the last 3 weeks of my life... challenging. For now, I leave you only this:A preamble to the photograph I mean to post about the burial. More on that later.

The good corkscrew

2009-03-21T20:23:00.004-04:00

This won't be one of those posts where I make an effort to make sense or hope for coherence. I just have not been available lately, even to myself, for reflection. So I am just going to start typing. I have been lowering the amount of the heavenly sleep inducing medication that induces sleep but also causes serious metabolic problems for 8 - 9% of patients. Go ahead and infer that I am in the

Nina says more about death and stuff

2009-03-05T16:32:00.004-05:00

We have just concluded the interminable living room cheese eating event that characterizes the days between the moment of death and the detailing of the body. Now we are detailing ourselves to go to the funeral parlor, which is just around the corner. And this makes me happy. And this fact, that of my happiness, I do not have to keep a secret from the People's Republic of Blogistan: Of all

Who's with us?

2009-03-02T21:30:00.005-05:00

Instead of writing about death all. the. time... today I will write about a conversation I had with my beloved LAS about language. About words, to be more specific - and their ability to change the way people feel. We got to talking about words today because damn it, there has been a lot of dark and stormy news coming our way lately. After some discussion we decided we would attempt to lift

What we know

2009-02-28T00:38:00.000-05:00

Some smart person somewhere said that a miracle is that which inspires faith. Many of you are already aware that my own stockpile of faith has been under serious assault since like, um, 2006, year of the bitchening. Life has been... rugged. And not at all scenic. Yet another terrible and unexpected thing has happened, as you know: Bob, of Bob and Kate's Asylum for Wayward (Middle-Aged)

Mixed News

2009-02-26T15:43:00.001-05:00

Three nights ago, the boiler (sort of) exploded and silty water spewed all over the basement floor. By the time I caught it, the flood was an inch high. (I would have photographed this disaster for you had I clearance to violate the privacy of Bob and Kate's basement). (I don't). So Bob and Kate's daughter and I spent some uncalculated number of hours doing the hazmat dance in her parents'

Nina is naked

2009-02-25T18:18:00.001-05:00

Ok, not really. But take a look anyway: I left here some number of months because I feared I could not speak the truth about the day to day everything going on in my life without injuring others and bringing Nina (who is, after all, me) into personal relationships with readers - and finding myself by way of such conduct - unable to live up to whatever it was I thought Nina was. I felt unequal to

What day is this?

2008-11-17T11:14:00.006-05:00

Dear Friends who live in my computer, It is not because I am so busy that my hair is falling out (it is). It is not because I don't care anymore (I totally do). It is not because I don't have anything to say (oh, you better believe I do). It is not because I have stopped loving you (you are about all I have left). "It" is because I am not like Avitable or Lisa or even Julie. You see, Nina

Another crack in the firmament

2008-11-10T18:10:00.006-05:00

This weekend, I broke my all anonymous, all the time rule. I met LAS of This Too Shall Pass in New York City. She was here to visit friends, and since we spend most every day on chat tied at the back of the mind, I figured it was cowardly and absurd not to meet her. Several thoughts went through my mind as I contemplated this meeting. In no particular order:1) What if online simpatico does

So much to not say

2008-11-05T01:20:00.002-05:00

This has never been a blog about politics, and I have never pretended to endorse a politician or even to have feelings about anything related to local, or regional, or national politics. (I am against feelings. If you read my blog, you know why). Time will come that I will talk about what it is like to live here (ie, the place I am living) and what it is like to be a New Yorker, probably for

TBA

2008-10-30T09:17:00.002-04:00

Hi! If I neglect my blog for even one more day, I will be charged with TBA: Total Blog Abandonment (not to be confused with To Be Announced, which might fit the bill as well since I am going through a transitional thing that has me befuddled). What is this transitional thing? 1) I moved to a new pace. 2) I cut off all contact with my step mother. 3) I found out (yesterday) that my current full

How 'bout

2008-10-26T22:49:00.003-04:00

I haven't made the drawings yet. I am not yet organized. Rest assured that I am tucked into my new place and when I find myself able, I will write about the move process and talk more about what it is like to live here. Meanwhile, let me say only that I feel immensely better. (In case you missed it, I was feeling unwell, recently). In the interest of maintaining something like interest, I