RONALD!

This should be the kind of radio we get

2009-08-31T05:46:00.002+08:00

Singapore's radio stations are so tame. Radio 91.3 has some version of this but never this hardcore.

Background: A Jewish Girl calls in to radio to prank her parents by telling them over national radio that shes together with an Italian Catholic. Her parents have no idea they are talking over national radio. You will hear all the typical Jewish stereotype right out of the Jew parents mouth. Its hilarious, spend 5 mins listening to this thing.

This is the super hilarious gameshow in Japan!

2009-08-24T03:01:00.000+08:00

Best part is I just went for a MRI last week! It was not that dreadful.

It would be safe to say this 2 met at the club

2009-07-26T13:55:00.001+08:00

Baby Esmond

2009-07-24T05:59:00.001+08:00

After years of trawling through the net and national archives and Esmond's cabinet under the living room TV, I finally found a video of Esmond when he was a toddler. This video is the whole truth and sheds light on Esmond's current personality.

Traveling as far as I can with the money I have.

2009-07-21T23:33:00.002+08:00

I admit I am a travel junkie. I spend almost all my income on it. But I simply love it. From now on however, I shall chronicle the entire travel process, from how I earn/save/steal the money, straight down to the planning and the trip itself. You can follow the entire process on a seperate blog of mine at

http://thescrawnytraveller.blogspot.com/

(:

This is a Cannes Movie

2009-07-10T01:52:00.000+08:00

Its quite short, only 12 minutes.

Straight out of Samy Farha's Book

2009-07-01T20:09:00.002+08:00

This was a hand played out against SC last saturday. I really liked the way i played this hand, just like a hand i read in Samy Farha's book.

We were playing small stakes poker, 10c/20c with about close to $200 on the table in total. Before this hand, SC and I went heads up.

I got 79 unsuited on the button and was playing like a total maniac, raising any 2 cards. I went on to make it 80c. SC on the big blind called.
The flop came Q 6 8, giving me an open ended straight draw.
SC betted into me, which was unsurprising. I called. The pot had about $6+
The turn came a 5, giving me the nuts, SC bet $2 and i re-raised $6. SC went on to push all-in with a further $12 more and I called and went on to win the hand.
SC flipped over top-pair.

SC rebought and played much more conservatively. Few orbits later, SC on the button raised 4 times the BB and i called with A7 unsuited.
Flop came A 2 8

I came out betting, everyone between SC and I folded and SC called. At this point I knew i was beat. SC was playing so conservatively and I put him correctly on Ace pair with top kicker.

The turn came a 4.

I checked, giving up on the hand and SC checked, most probably to lure me in further as I was just caught with a huge river bluff few hands back.

The river came a 3.

I wasn't even interested in the hand anymore when i picked up a dismal, fleeting look of fear in SC. Tell! I started thinking how I could win this hand. My check on the turn could be seen as a check for a free card. I pondered for a while, then betted $4, which was around 3/4 pot. I stoned for about 2 seconds then started bursting out laughing.

Then i started this whole Samy Farha talk about how I will tell everyone the story of my hand after the hand. Mind you, the hand isn't even over yet!
SC stared at the board, then convinced himself that I had A5, a reasonable holding from the way I played and went on to fold the hand. He blamed his check on the turn to let me catch my "straight". I mucked of course, raking down a pot that didn't belong to me at all.
Post game chat revealed he didn't laydown AK-A10 but A8. He laid down 2 pairs!

R0onald and his sick Samy Farha speech.

Obama is my ninja homey

2009-06-17T21:32:00.001+08:00

theres a whole list of reasons why Obama was my pick for the leader of the world.

Ninja quick reflexes was just one of them. the video is evidence.

This really happened in an interview!

The China Threat

2009-06-07T21:47:00.001+08:00

Watching this video really reminds you of how fortunate you are having an education here in Singapore. These Chinese are obsessed with the prospect of success.

To hell with Movie Censoring Nanny (MCN)

2009-06-07T04:46:00.004+08:00

I just endured a movie at the theatres. Its called Terminator Salvation and after watching it, you will know why its called salvation. The show needs some serious salvaging.

The movie was already ranging between terrible and fucking terrible when the great people governing the movies in this island decided to cut out a scene or two. Its fine if they censor it without me knowing, now thats good censoring. But hell no! The ENTIRE scene suddenly changed from 1 person in the shelter to 4 people out in the open.

WHATS THIS?! SINGAPORE CENSORSHIP BOARD, AM I SUPPOSED TO FIGURE OUT WHAT HAPPENS IN THE MOVIES. "LETS CROSS OUT THIS SCENE AND LET VIEWERS FIGURE WHAT HAPPENED! ADDS TO THE INTERACTION!"

If i wanted interaction movies, I would have went to watch some porn movie where they do their thing and I do mine.

Seriously, have we ever stopped to think, why give us the best education in the world, nurture us, only to censor the information we are about to receive.

IF WE THINK ITS BULLSHIT, WE ARE VERY WELL CAPABLE OF IGNORING IT, WE DON'T NEED A NANNY SNIPPING SCENES OFF JUST BECAUSE NANNY THINKS ITS UNSUITABLE!

This whole censorship thing is a huge plus point for people to just download the UNCENSORED versions online and watch it on their comp.

Disclaimer: this is not by any chance a shoutout to support online piracy, I think online piracy is selfish and irresponsible.

But I can't help but see this GLARING CONTRADICTION in the policy of Uncle Nanny!
First we proclaim to the world, SINGANANNYPORE is going to put out a tough stance against piracy! The next thing you know, we come out showing snipped versions of movies. THE ONLINE DOWNLOADED VERSION IS FULLER THAN THE MOVIES U PAY FOR IN THE THEATRES!

Now just go through this with me. All these are really rough estimates.
Petrol to theatre $5
Parking $3
ERP (kaninabu) $1
Movie ticket on a weekend $10

Total cost of a CENSORED version of a movie $19

Downloading or streaming the movie cost: $0/Getting caught. (Piracy is a crime)

When you really need to piss in the theatre, CAN YOU PAUSE THE SHOW?
When you want to grab a drink, CAN YOU PAUSE THE SHOW TO BUY THE OVERPRICED DRINKS?
When the show gets boring, CAN YOU FAST FORWARD?
When you want to revisit the scene where Ronald rides Scarlett Johanssan and Kiera Knightly real hard, CAN YOU REWIND THE SCENE?
When you want to watch the FULL UNCENSORED version of the show, CAN YOU ENSURE NANNY DOESN'T SNIP PARTS OF IT OUT?

So its all these inconvenience AND the $19 bucks to watch the show at the theatre. Tell me again why the fuck should I watch a movie at the cinemas?

PLEASE STOP FUCKING CENSORING MY MOVIES NANNY!

The beauty of poker baby

2009-05-05T22:03:00.000+08:00

The French must think we Singaporeans are baises sourdes-muettes

2009-05-05T05:50:00.006+08:00

Baises sourdes-muettes stands for "dumb fucks" in french. Why do I say so?

Singapore finally gotten their 6 stealth frigates after awarding the contract in 2000. That is around an 8 year waiting period. I think the quality of the stealth frigates are kind of doubt able though.

I am not sure about you, but I am totally unimpressed about these stealth frigates. First of all, I think we got cheated by those french once again. First they bomb us with their trans fat french fries and bacteria filled french kisses, now this.

Now, my dear patriotic countrymen. If you were to look closely enough, you can actually SPOT the stealth frigate along the coast! If even an untrained sailor like us can spot the stealth frigate, what chance does the stealth frigate has against life-long sea-faring pirates?! The french really punked us this time.

I have been shopping around the net, looking for pictures of real good stealth frigates and I chanced upon a few.

Feast your eyes on this. I dare bet you my balls you can't see this huge stealth frigate here. Now this is a high class stealth frigate, not some cheap ripoff we got from the french. The pirates might even crash their ships into our stealth frigates because you just can't see it!

We might be a rich country with high Gross National Income so grossly high that we can feed so many people in the ~~charity~~ civil service, but that doesn't mean we should splash money in not-so-stealthy-stealth-frigates.

I just asked my 90 year old grandma suffering from mild cataract to point me the ship in the picture and she did it before you could even utter "pikachu". This experiment showed us that our navy is in thick gravy.

The views above are purely fictitious and bullshit and if you even once believed it, I suggest you immigrate right away. We really need to boost our country average IQ right now. If you believed the above, I would go on to say that you are currently working in the civil service.

Please do your part you filthy human

2009-05-02T16:19:00.002+08:00

Little is known about this H1N1 strain of virus. The name is changed away from Swine Flu and I think its a right move because people have this deadly misconception that it transmit from pigs to humans. In a way i guess it does but what you should be afraid of is HUMAN TO HUMAN.

SO PLEASE, do your part for humanity and read the papers. Heed their advice. If you haven't already known what to do, these are the following precautions that you can take.

Stay home if you are feeling feverish, suffering from flu or cough symptoms.

Cover your mother fucking god damn mouth when you cough or sneeze and please wash your dirty filthy hands after that.

Wash your hands with soap. Singapore has clean water, not disinfectant water.

Stay away from large crowds whilst you can. (Good luck Zouk)

Do not clean your nose booger under the chair you are sitting on.

Take MC if you are feeling sick, don't bring it to the workplace. (Really recommended by Ronald)

Go to the clinic and take the latest flu vaccination. It WILL NOT protect you from H1N1 Influenza A but it will make your family doctor a bit wealthier and protect you from other flu virus strains so if you do come down with flu like symptoms, the doctor or virologist can rule out other strains of flu virus.
Alcohol might be a disinfectant but swishing large amounts of it does not clear your system of the flu.

Meanwhile, you can stay home and join my twitter thread. My username is Scrawnyy

Survival of the Twittest

2009-05-02T16:11:00.004+08:00

Come join me in Twitter please?! (:

My username is Scrawnyy

Don't let girls debate. Just show em de bed.

2009-04-27T19:31:00.003+08:00

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

They are unbelievably stupid and bitchy! They should all just arch their backs in front of the camera and look sexy. The mouths should be kept shut while they are at it.

The best part is, they took out the smartest contestant for an intellectual contest. Sure way for cheap humour. Bad grammar, personal attacks, rudeness on screen and pretty girls. Only AWARE can find a problem with that.

What are women really for?

2009-04-26T17:54:00.002+08:00

Now please watch the video above. Makes you wonder what are women really for? Are they like really beautiful vases u display at your living room. To appreciate visually.

Reminds me of the whole AWARE thing. Might as well call the association A-WAR. This is what you get when you have a FOR-WOMEN association run and governed mostly by women. No wonder after decades of independence, we only have 1 female cabinet minister (I THINK?) If we put two females in the Cabinet, they might just catfight and turn the whole place topsy turvy. This isn't about an insignificant association we are talking about here, its running the country! Leave it to the men please.

S-factor, more commonly known as Stupid factor reinforces the stereotype of the uselessness of females. More so of the pretty ones. We won't want such generalizing surfacing in Singapore wouldn't we? Maybe the OLD GUARD AND THE NEW GUARD of Aware should work hand in hand in getting S-factor out of TV instead.

Btw, am I the only one that thinks Old Guard and New Guard sounds like what you call your security guard at your Condominium? 30 year old guard that can run 200m = New Guard. 87 year old guard that can't walk 20m = Old guard.

Hope they come up with a male version of S-factor soon. After all, its high time the guys' get their turn to look stupid in front of national TV.

Retardedness of Republicans

2009-03-12T13:51:00.002+08:00

It takes a lot to move me from the zone of sloth and laziness to get on my butt to write something here.

The retardedness of Republicans is just that.

Richard Shelby, the leading Republican in the Banking Committee in the US calls for the govt to let Citigroup sink. John Mccain, everyone's lovable saggy loser is chorusing that view.

Obviously these dumbasses have no idea how many jobs will be affected by the closure of large banks. The sudden clamming up of liquidity in the banking sector due to the fear and instability caused by these large banks failing will derail all the improvements we have had the past few weeks. Have they any idea how much global stocks will plummet just because of this news?

If the Republicans love their country as much as they tout they do, they should just go back to their Midlands and hunt mooses, parade their Colts and wank off Sarah Palin. Leave the country fixing to people with brains.

Amazing

2009-03-08T21:33:00.001+08:00

I taught Bruce Lee how to use a nunchuck

2009-03-01T18:07:00.000+08:00

Hes quite a fast learner.

the place i love the most in Singapore

2009-02-21T00:18:00.004+08:00

its the national library dufus.(humphrey)
the architecture is wondrous. it has the resemblance and gracefulness of a sail from afar, the sleek varnished wood and glass touch interior that i adore.
most importantly, the books are my little Ecstasy tomes.
my investing books that i love to devour and be befuddled at.
my fiction books, the portal that transports me out of this mundane little world. i love dystopia based fiction. the squalor, oppression and misery lures me in so deeply. i would love to write a book of this genre, i am in quite a dystopic organization after all.

did i mention that there always seems to be pretty girls around there too?
its not that they distrcat me or antyhing but smoetimes afetr stairing at tehm forr a mmoment i wlak into a boobshelf.

1 pack to 6 packs. again.

2009-02-18T00:39:00.000+08:00

today is 18th feb.
i shall see how long it takes to build back my 6 packs again. it must be visible without flexing.

wah lao but i damn lazy leh.
i need some form of motivation. girls, if i flash you my upper body, will you flash me yours? (:

whos the man

2009-02-16T19:39:00.002+08:00

do u know, in an effort to tenderize the beef, some cooks use that metal hammer with blunt edges to hammer to beef?

i feel like that beef right now. my shoulder, neck, waist and thighs hurt so much from cable skiing. its not as bad as the first time, perhaps coz there was less face-planting and the queue was longer.

i doubt we took any photos but the previous one we did. click here for the link.
the pictures are quite retarded though, coz everyone is busy boarding, no one takes photos of each other. hence you can't really see my greatness on the water. the gods have never seen someone so graceful on water.

anyway! if you have 4 hours to spare, i suggest you watch this 2 great shows!
slumdog millionaire is really the best show this year thus far. it tugs on the heart strings, bring you to the edge of the seat and set you back roaring with laughter and disbelief.
my favourite scene is AMITABAH-CHAN! you will know it when you see it.

the boy in the striped pyjamas is equally good. its about a german and jew boy being friends. the build-up is nice and the innocence of the character Bruno, the german boy, is the beauty of the show. the best part of the show is how Bruno always believes in the good of human nature.

if you're interested to cable-ski or leave your face imprint on the water, feel free to ask! i will tell you whens the next time we will be going and you can join us! (:

Lying around unappreciated

2009-01-18T13:27:00.002+08:00

I was clearing out my room and realized I do have a lot of things just lying around unappreciated so I reckoned I might as well lend them out. This is the first short list of items that you can borrow from me the next time you see me.

Basic & Advance Driving theory books and TYS (Ronald the 8 point hero)
Entire Death Note comic collection in Chinese
Prison Break Season 3
Family Guy Season 1,2,5
Saw 1-5
House Season 1,2

Just ask me! Don't shy! (:
Like the new UBER SIMPLE iphone inspired layout?

Drink Up, Slim Down from Men's Health

2009-01-14T16:58:00.000+08:00

Going on a diet doesn't mean you have to stave off the drinks. in a five-year Danish study, scientists found that people who averaged one daily alcoholic drink were 18 per cent less likely to see their waistlines increase than teetotalers. 'Moderate drinking may stimulate a metabolic process that breaks down alcohol and produces heat, which could increase your calorie burn,' says study author Janne Tolstrup PhD.
-taken off Men's Health

so the next time u go for a beer, don't forget me.

i dong know

2009-01-11T13:47:00.003+08:00

somebody has to save me from my almost daily inconvenience. regardless of the venue, the amount i slept and who i slept with, this fucking phenomenon keeps haunting me. like a telemarketer that has both your home number and cellphone number.

I AM A VICTIM OF MORNING ERECTIONS.

i want to rush out of bed, straight to the toilet, wash up and start of my day but i can't. what if someone spots my dong. i will totally dong know what to do.

unlike the rest of the world, i dong mourn about my disadvantages. i set out to make changes and improve the lives of other sufferers. hence i am unveiling a new session called

MORNING DONG ANONYMOUS.

every mon, tues and thurs from 1900 to 2100, morning erection sufferers will gather in a circle in the building next to the sperm bank and share their experiences. imagine this.

"Hi everybody, I am Timmy Carter and I am a sufferer of morning erection. I first found out I got morning erection when I started to go to school. Before that, I would wake up in the early afternoons so I previously suffered from Early Afternoon erections. Since then, I've seen my problem grow tremendously, from a 1.5 inch problem to a 6 inch problem. Please help me."

This is just one of the confessions in the sharing session. For more info, call
1800-BIG-DONG. Lines are open 24 hours, extra lines offered in the morning.

Ronald's next project will be the Left Hand Wankers Anonymous. Founded together with Gareth Tan.