FOOTBALL TIPS & THE CRAIC

FOOTBALL TIPS AND COMMENTS W/E 15th NOVEMBER

2009-11-11T02:13:00.003Z

SATURDAY WIN DOUBLE : LEAGUE ONE

11/10 BRISTOL ROVERS win v CARLISLE

1/2 HUDDERSFIELD win v WYCOMBE

RESULT :- HUDDERSFIELD WON 6 - 0

RESULT:-BRISTOL ROVERS WON 3 -2

This win double paid odds of 43/20

PROFIT /LOSS ACCOUNT

All bets :- singles,doubles and trebles to £20.00 stake

AUGUST 2009 = £67.00 - Loss

SEPTEMBER 2009 = £151 - Profit

OCTOBER 2009 = £174 - Loss

NOVEMBER 2009 = £45.00 - Profit

SHOWING OVERALL ON ALL TIPS SEASON 09/10 :- £45.00 loss

A WINNING WEEK-END

It was not before time at the weekend when we had a very tidy 3/1 double up on Saturday followed up by a very nice 11/10 single when Chelsea done the business at home to Man Utd. We have been saying since before the season started that Man U were not the team that they were and nothing we have seen since has in any way changed our minds. Rooney no matter how much Gary Linneker goes on about him is absolutely no CR9. That is an obvious fact and United are badly missing the fella from Madeira. So much so it will in our opinion cost them the title. For us it is now a two horse race between Chelsea and our favourites The Arsenal.

The other question about Man U is when will Rio play again ? Well we are beginning to wonder if he will ever play again. Rio Ferdinand is just not the player he once was. We pointed him out as one of our reasons why United were over the hill. His form was very poor at the end of last season and things have got worse this season. A very good player he certainly was. World class? Not in our opinion but he certainly contributed to Man U's success and they will miss him indeed.

So onto this week and we have gone with two tips from League one. Again a very solid looking value for money double. As for the friendlies we are still having a wee ponder and will post later if we come to any decision. Brazil look a very good bet but are they value ?...........Team Scoobs

TAKEN FROM THE GUARDIAN'S FIVER
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GRAVITY HATES THEM, THEY'RE DIVING AGAIN

Another shameful chapter in the history of Association Football was inked at Anfield
last night, when Liverpool striker David Ngog conned the referee into awarding a
penalty against Lee Carsley, from which Liverpool scored to earn them a point
against Birmingham. As his funny foreign name and cheating foreign ways suggest,
Ngog is no Englishman. Au contraire, he's a Frenchman who follows a long line of
dirty, cheating foreigners before him – Eduardo, Pires, Him, Robben, Klinsmann
etc, and so on - in hammering a nail into the coffin-lid of this great nation's once
proud football tradition.

Yes, tradition. Few club's fans place as much importance in the past as Liverpool's,
probably because their team is no longer much good. And the Fiver can only imagine
how galled the most knowledgeable fans in the world must have been to see their team
reduced to such tawdry chicanery in order to earn a point at home to Birmingham.
Former Liverpool stalwart Michael Owen, a proud Englishman, was never reduced to
this kind of duplicity.

"I don't think there's anything worse than a player diving when no one's been
anywhere near him," wrote Ngog's Liverpool team-mate England's $tevie Mbe from
England in his autobiography. Fabled for his own reluctance to go down in the
penalty area or court-room, Mbe added: "If I saw a team-mate doing it, I would
definitely have a word." Although we can't be sure what $tevie said to his overseas
colleague last night, the Fiver's guessing the particular word used in this instance
might have been: "Ta!"

"I asked him about the penalty and he said maybe it wasn't. I haven't seen a replay
but I spoke to him about it," said Ngog's foreign manager Rafael Benítez, refusing
to elaborate on how he'd articulated his gratitude. Canvassed for his views on the
incident as the nearest man to Ngog when he wasn't tackled, Birmingham midfielder
Carsley said: "If I went home having done that, I'd be embarrassed." Unsurprisingly,
his foreign manager Alex McLeish couldn't have disagreed more. "It was a terrific
dive," insisted the sneaky Scotsman, dancing a highland jig.

*********************

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Buffon has seven lives, like a cat. Let's wait and see" - Italy coach Marcello
Lippi discusses Gigi Buffon's chances of overcoming a fever in time for Italy's
friendly double-header next week and, in doing so, teaches the Fiver that unlucky
felines have poorer survival chances in Italy
[http://guardian.chtah.com/a/tBK$aDEAY30QpAe9jDFB-OLQLgs/fvr22.

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SPARRING MATCH OF THE DAY

The Fiver has always liked Ailsa from Home and Away. The frightening, block-like
head, the ankles as thick as a man's chest, the way he talks in a wispy little voice
that makes the Fiver want to take one of his great, cold, sandpapery hands in its
own and cradle his abrasive steel-wool curls against the Fiver's tea-time email
cheek, while he talks quietly about upsetting the established hegemony and having
the full support of the board.

The Fiver is also a huge fan of foundation-plastered, Match of the Day drawler Alan
Hansen, particularly when he makes a joke that sounds a bit like "even Lineker ah
hum de hum de hum ...", after which everyone has to wait for a bit, laugh for no
more than a second and then immediately start talking about something else. So much
that the Fiver has sometimes wondered who might win a spontaneous TV studio brawl
between the granite-hued Eastlands ogre and the supine, brown-shirted BBC sofa
cushion. In the Fiver's mind's eye, it's quite short. A single butt, a dead leg, the
fizz of a raised ankle. A thud. A squeal from Lee Dixon.

It's also a scenario that moved a little closer this morning with Ailsa taking
exception to Hansen's criticism of Wayne Bridge after highlights of Saturday's draw
with Burnley, when he blamed Bridge for two of Burnley's goals, the cost of car
insurance, the horrible smell inside the fridge and people fiddling with their
iPhones on the tube. "Pundits on Match of the Day or whatever just have an
opportunity to nail individuals in the public domain," Hughes pointed out, equating
the status of the modern footballer to a second-tier royal or a secretive MI6 file
released under the 30-year rule. "I would question how many games they actually
watch live, from the start to the conclusion of games."

And having ripped Hansen's satin-effect shirt from his milk-white pigeon chest,
leaving him exposed as a man who watches a bit of TV on a Saturday afternoon and
then has opinions about it, Hughes also took a moment to lay into the haters who
keep saying Robinho would rather play for Barcelona: "It is people on the outside
taking a view on the situation with Robinho which they have no real insight into."
But who? Lawrenson? Oatley? The Fiver can only stand back and applaud, refreshed by
Ailsa the voice of reason, a bulwark against footballing folly, pretension and all
things overblown. Right up to the point where he ended with "We hope to become the
club of choice for the people of Abu Dhabi and make them proud of the football we
play", before heading out into the desert air to bang his frighteningly block-like
head once or twice against the wall of an enormous glass and parmesan cheese hotel
built in the shape of a praying mantis.

*********************

CHAIRMAN'S BACKING OF THE DAY

"Of course I will give [Little Lord Ferg] time to turn things around. Even if the
worst was to happen and we get relegated, we'd have a manager who knows how to get
out of League One" - Peterborough chairman Darragh MacAnthony, 9 October.

"Peterborough players told manager [Little Lord Ferg] has left the club" -
soul-destroying Sky Sports News yellow ticker of doom, 10 November.

*********************

FIVER LETTERS

"Were Manchester United to really posthumously erect a clock in Lord Ferg's honour
(yesterday's Fiver), would it be reliable? Would it not add on at least five minutes
every hour and a half?" - Adrian Cooper (and 1,056 others).

"Re: Sam Allardyce's self-declared tactical genius for his substitutions of Jason
Roberts and Benni McCarthy at the weekend. Doesn't it just prove that he was an
idiot for not starting with them?" - Matt Clark.

Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. And if you've nothing better to do you
can also Tweet the Fiver now
[http://guardian.chtah.com/a/tBK$aDEAY30QpAe9jDFB-OLQLgs/fvr23.

*********************

BE A PART OF THE WORLD CUP 2010 GUARDIAN FANS' NETWORK

Over the next few weeks, Guardian Sport is looking to build a community of fans for
each of the 32 countries that qualify for the 2010 World Cup. Starting with the
World Cup draw next month, and continuing through to the tournament itself, we're
hoping your knowledge will enrich our content both online and in print.

We'll provide more details of what we're looking for - and the benefits of belonging
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interested please click on this link for more information
[http://guardian.chtah.com/a/tBK$aDEAY30QpAe9jDFB-OLQLgs/fvr24.

*********************

THE FIVER'S BELIEVE IT OR NOT! (THE LATEST AND, MORE THAN LIKELY, LAST IN A SERIES
OF ASTONISHING FOOTBALL 'FACTS' WITH WHICH YOU CAN AMAZE YOUR FRIENDS DOWN THE
DRINKER TONIGHT)

*COUGH*

*SCREECH OF MICROPHONE FEEDBACK*

*HUSHED SILENCE*

Motörhead drummer Mikkey Dee was an unused substitute in the second leg of IFK
Gothenburg's 1987 Euro Vase final win over Dundee United.

*********************

BITS AND BOBS

'Arry Redknapp will be starring in his own Rocky-style training montage videos over
the next six weeks after hearing that Tottenham have registered record pre-tax
profits of £33.4m.

Arsenal forward and Danish player of the year Nicklas Bendtner could be sidelined
until January after going under the knife for groin-gah.

Brighton have named Gus Poyet as their new manager, with Mauricio Taricco his No2.
Expect Goran Bunjevcevic as youth-team coach any day now ...

Stoke centre-half Ryan Shawcross has signed a new deal which will keep him at the
Britannia Stadium until 2014. Not literally, of course. He'll only be expected to
turn up there a couple of hours before home games and put in the occasional
appearance at functions.

And Calum Davenport today pleaded not guilty at Bedford magistrates' court to a
charge of causing ABH to his sister. His case was adjourned for committal to 12
January at the same court.

WEEK-END and MONDAY the 9th

2009-11-03T02:50:00.013Z

MONDAY NIGHT

4/11 LIVERPOOL WIN v BIRMINGHAM

LIVERPOOL DREW 2 - 2

SUNDAY SINGLE

~~~~~~~~~~~~

11/10 CHELSEA WIN v MANCHESTER UTD

CHELSEA WON 1 - 0

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SATURDAY'S WIN DOUBLE

.................................................

4/5 ASTON VILLA WIN v BOLTON

ASTON VILLA WON 5 - 1

6/5 BLACKBURN WIN v PORTSMOUTH

BLACKBURN WON 3 - 1

This win double paid out aprox 3/1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WEDNESDAY CHAMPIONS LEAGUE

...........................................................

1/1 UNIREA URZICENI WIN v GLASGOW RANGERS

Result :- 1 - 1

1/2 SEVILLA WIN v STUTTGART

Result :- 1 - 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

10/11 BAYERN MUNICH WIN v BORDEAUX

Bayern lost 0-2

8/11 FC PORTO WIN (a) v APOEL NICOSIA

Porto won 0 - 1

PROFIT /LOSS ACCOUNT

All bets :- singles,doubles and trebles to £20.00 stake

AUGUST 2009 = £67.00 - Loss

SEPTEMBER 2009 = £151 - Profit

OCTOBER 2009 = £174 - Loss

NOVEMBER 2009 = £2.00 - Profit

SHOWING OVERALL ON ALL TIPS SEASON 09/10 :- £88.00 loss

TERRIBLE OCTOBER AND THEN SOME

We have to say that Otober's results were a total and bloody disaster. There is such a thing as a losing run then there is our tipping last month. Ye gods we really will have to stop randomly throwing darts at a list of team names pinned to our dartboard. We even feel ashamed having a go at Man u and Rio Ferdinand when we could not even pick our own sodding noses at this moment in time. Ah well such is life. So it is with some trepidation and a wee bit of humility added that we continue our tips and hope that we can show a profit in November. Right enough do not hold your breath and if you just have a look as to what teams we are tipping in order to avoid them. We think that at the moment that might be considered very clever thinking ............Team Scoobs

TAKEN FROM THE GUARDIAN'S FIVER
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

REBRANDED SPANKING NEW FIVER 2.0

Yes, it's like putting lipstick on a pig. And no, you can't polish a turd. But that
hasn't stopped the Big Paper creatives from trying, by levering themselves out of
their beanbags this afternoon, removing the chocks and rolling out Rebranded
Spanking New Fiver 2.0 before an unsuspecting and largely indifferent public. Of
course there's always the very real possibility that something didn't work, in which
case loads of blokes wearing ponytails and Red Dwarf T-shirts are standing around
Fiver Towers scratching their heads and hitting things with spanners, while you're
wondering what the devil we're talking about.

But in the extremely unlikely event that all went according to what we loosely
describe as our "plan", you are now staring in boggle-eyed amazement at the same old
toothless and witless satire, possibly appearing under a giant masthead that was
obviously inspired by somebody chopping out a line of Colombian marching powder on a
snooker table that needs a good ironing.

It's nice, eh? Oh.

Of course it should go without saying that, as exercises in rebranding go, New Fiver
2.0 is likely to be as successful as Spinal Tap's jazz odyssey, the Royal Mail's
decision to call themselves whatever it was they decided to call themselves before
deciding not to call themselves that anymore, and New Labour's ill-advised efforts
to get Gordon Brown to smile more often. The football club equivalent would be
Liverpool trying to arrest their current on-field slump by replacing the olive
branch in the mouth of the Liver bird on their crest with a painstakingly
constructed Camberwell Carrot.

How much gas is left in that particular explosion? Only time will tell. Like pretty
much everyone else, the Fiver thought last week's win over Manchester United would
silence the loud "kaboom!" noises emanating from the Liverpool dressing room, but
subsequent defeats at the hands of Arsenal Under-15s and a team with Bobby Zamora in
it mean Liverpool could go into next weekend's defeat at the hands of Hong Kong
Bongo FC having lost seven of their last eight games.

Before that, there's Wednesday's Big Cup meeting against Lyon to contend with. A
must-win away match that could plunge this once great side even further into crisis
and - if they're particularly unfortunate - Big Vase. "Liverpool could be without up
to a dozen players," said a person we've just made up in order to crowbar a few
quotes into this story. "$tevie Mbe, Fernando Torres, Albert Riera, Martin Kelly,
Glen Johnson, Martin Skrtel, Daniel Agger, FÃ¡bio AurÃ©lio, David Ngog, Diego
Cavalieri and Alberto Aquilani could all be unavailable," he continued,
considerately listing everyone by name in order to help us reach our word-count.

And if the presence of so many star names on the list of Anfield's lame and halt
isn't depressing enough for Liverpool fans, the absence of Andriy Voronin's is the
cherry on top that could prompt them to reach for their revolvers. Re-branding the
Ukrainian striker by giving him a tousled boy band haircut and calling him Fernando
is unlikely to fool anyone, but when your mojo's deserted you the way Rafa
BenÃtez's has, anything's worth a try.QUOTE OF THE DAY

"I left Roma, and I left Real Madrid. If people aren't happy any more, then I can
pack my bags here too. People here have got used to eating Nutella, and maybe every
now and then they have to eat $hit" - Antonio Cassano believes critical Sampdoria
fans need a more balanced diet.FIVER LETTERS

"Your Marlon King rap sheet (Friday's Fiver) would imply that he kept his head low
during 2004, but I can assure you that one of his biggest crimes was the weekly wage
he used to relieve Nottingham Forest of for pretending to be a footballer" - Michael
Roome.

"Lord Ferg on Rio Ferdinand's 'humiliation' by the media for poor form: 'I don't
know where it is coming from. I just have to put it down to the modern culture of
humiliating people.' Rio's media catchphrase for his show, based around humiliating
fellow footballers: 'You got merk'd!!' Is that irony?" - Dan Phillips.

"Re: Paul Batey's response to the response to the response about Japanese people
wearing surgical masks (Fivers passim). I'd have to say that if they were wearing
surgical masks to be ninjas, they'd be pretty poor ones. From what I recall from my
Dungeons and Drag .... I mean martial arts movie catalogue, ninjas are masters of
stealth, operating in darkness and wearing black. Surely having a white (or that
shade of mint green) surgical mask instead of black would put a dent in those
capabilities?" - Glenn Hoddle.

"It's Tammy Wynette who did Stand By Your Man (Friday's Fiver), you shower of
muppets. I know, me and 1056 others. But you'd think Weird Uncle Fiver would've been
familiar enough with Dolly's oeuvre that you'd have learnt the difference whether
you wanted to or not" - Louise Wright.

Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. And if you've nothing better to do you
can also Tweet the Fiver now.BITS AND BOBS

Wayne Rooney could miss Man Utd's Big Cup clash with CSKA Moscow tomorrow after wife
Coleen gave birth to their first child, Kai Wayne Rooney. Kai Wayne Rooney!

After being confirmed as Hull's new executive chairman, Adam Pearson has backed Phil
Brown, though not very far. "How secure is the manager? That's a tricky one," he
sniffed. "I think if we don't get results then that security goes down. Phil knows
that; it's the business we're in. It's been a difficult year and we need to achieve
results quickly."

Johan Cruyff has been named coach of Catalonia, despite the fact the autonomous
Spanish community is not recognised as a national team by Fifa or Uefa and generally
plays just one match, a friendly, each year.

CSKA Sofia have suspended nine players for an unspecified period, amid reports that
members of the squad had been spotted drinking at trendy Bulgarian nightspots.

And Luca Toni is officially the eighth best footballer in the world, according to
the new Castrol Rankings. The rankings use "100% objective analysis" to rank every
player in Europe's top five leagues and also provide a simple way of explaining the
difference between "objective" and "correct" to people who don't speak
English.ADVERT

FOOTBALL TIPS AND COMMENTS W/E 1st NOVEMBER

2009-10-28T09:54:00.004Z

SUNDAY SINGLE

11/13 MANCHESTER CITY (a) WIN v BIRMINGHAM

MAN CITY DREW 0-0

4/6 ARSENAL win v TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR

ARSENAL WON 3 - 0

1/1 LIVERPOOL (a) win v FULHAM

LIVERPOOL LOST 3-1

PROFIT /LOSS ACCOUNT

All bets :- singles,doubles and trebles to £20.00 stake

AUGUST 2009 = £67.84 - Loss

SEPTEMBER 2009 = £151.88 - Profit

(All five September tips won)

OCTOBER 2009 = £174.04 - Loss

SHOWING OVERALL ON ALL TIPS SEASON 09/10 :- £90.00 loss

MAN UTD ON THE SLIDE

We have to say that we were very disappointed with the Arsenal draw. It was a bit premature but we were nearly posting our winnings with Liverpool already having done the business over a poor Man U. Then Arsenal who were two goals up decided to go to sleep. Let us hope it is a lesson well learnt by this young gunners team. Anyway as you can see we are again going with Liverpool and the Arsenal to get us back to winning ways this Saturday, and not before time.

The one thing that we did get right is the fact that it does now look like Rio Ferdinand is well past it. When a half fit Torres can go past him as if he did not exist it is time Rio asked himself if he is in the right job. There he was at a film show in London instead of working on his shortcomings. Dedication to his game seems to be a distant part of his thinking at present. Time to move over Rio me old old flower.

As for his boss smart Alec. The more the aul fella protests about perceived injustices on the field the more you think that he is beginning to lose the plot. Face it Alec the loss of Tevez and CR9 are beginning to look like mortal wounds. Rooney will never replace the splendour that was CR9 and to be honest who would? Is this the beginning of the end for Man u's supremacy? Well as you know we have been saying this since the first day of this season and it is beginning to look as if we might just have something............Team Scoobs

TAKEN FROM THE GUARDIAN'S FIVER
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FLU IS THE AILMENT, FOOTBALL IS THE GAME

There are some things that are pretty much guaranteed to bring the
Fiver out in an immobilising bout of
occasionally-humorous-but-not-really-so-much-any-more-tea-time
email-flu. Any kind of climatic extreme. The phrase "an old-fashioned
family Christmas". Having to attend social functions where healthy,
successful people talk in loud voices about how much Caspian's nanny
costs a year and how he can already say "crostini di fegatini salvia
fritto" with quite a strong Tuscan accent.

And, of course, even the mildest prospect of being given a dead leg by
England's Brave John Terry while urbane, grey-bouffanted Signor
Ancelotti breathes fag-breath in your face from his touchline
rectangle and the world's top rampaging centre forward writhes at
your feet smudging your socks with extreme hold hair pomade.

It seems the Fiver isn't alone in the last of these, if today's
updated Premier League swine flu epidemic figures are anything to go
by. Fresh from Blackeye Rovers only vaguely trying to blame
Saturday's 5-0 shellacking on a few of their players coughing a bit
and saying "oh dear..." and hoping someone asks them what's wrong,
Gary Megson has announced that four Bolton players have also been
suffering with the fashionable virus.

Bolton, of course, play Chelsea tomorrow in the Carling Cup, but it's
all OK and there's no need for anyone to think about twinning those
autumnal gloves with a white paper mask like the ones worn by
frightened Japanese people on the tube. "I've heard varying
opinions," Megson mused, adjusting his gold pince-nez and fluffing
out the sleeves of his academic gown. "And I think the one we all
need to listen to is that it is very difficult, if not impossible, to
contract it in that way."

A flick through the Fiver's medical dictionary reveals that "in that
way" is virological speak for shouting, spitting, hugging, swearing,
jostling, holding a finger over one nostril while aggressively
"vacating" the other and going forehead-to-forehead with another man
in the style of a rutting stag or a slighted man in a crowded pub who
feels he should look like he's up for having a fight because his
mates are watching.

So no problems there then. And swine flu, the Fiver feels certain,
will surely disappear as quickly as any of the Premier League's many
other fads, like doing the self-righteous "capital A" goal
celebration, or having a greasy patch of smeared menthol decongestant
on your shirt-front. Or, at least, it might. Should Chelsea go on to
win the Premier League and Carling Cup, the Fiver's willing to bet at
least one bespectacled, goatee-bearded Spaniard will be waving his
clipboard around again and calling foul over the inherent
opposition-with-swine-flu favouritism that dogs the fixture list.

Avoid swine 'flu infection by following the comparatively healthy
teams playing in Barnsley 2-2 Manchester United (Barnsley win 4-2 on
pens) with Paul Doyle's minute-by-minute report (
http://guardian.chtah.com/a/tBK5yXxAY30QpAe9jDFB-OLQL0d/fvr20
).

*********************

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Below are two statements regarding to the swine flu epidemic that's
about to sweep the Premier League. One is from the chain-smoking,
hard-drinking Chelsea manager Carlo Ancelotti, the other is from the
sanctimonious squares at the Health Protection Agency. See if you can
tell which is which ...

Quote No1: "If they are spitting near other people it could certainly
increase the risk of passing on infections. Spitting is disgusting at
all times. It's unhygienic and unhealthy, particularly if you spit
close to other people" Quote No2: "I know very well what I have to do
if I have the flu. It's not a medical prescription. It's my
grandmother's prescription - hot milk. Alcohol - red wine. Fantastic"
As part of our new ploy to maintain or even increase our readership
through the use of daily cliffhangers, the answer will appear in
tomorrow's Fiver*.

*********************

SPLITTING FEATHERS

Split fans are going bananas. Fairly predictable when you know that
Hajduk means Bandits in the Balkans. Still, just because something
doesn't come as a surprise doesn't make it any easier to accept, as
anyone who has ever faced a firing squad could tell you. Via a
medium, obviously. Accordingly, with the club languishing 10th in the
Croatian league, 14 points behind arch-rivals Dinamo Zagreb, whom
they meet this weekend, Hajduk Split players and officials have
reacted to rumours of imminent attacks by frustrated fans by asking
for police protection during training and matches.

The Fiver has no truck with fans who belt out songs of ovine loyalty
as their heroes meander thoughtlessly through matches before
pocketing their hardly-earned wages. But neither are we convinced by
the efficacy of motivational assaults. When the Fiver was a lad it
endured regular thrashings in the workhouse, and rather than get us
on to the straight and narrow, that merely left us crooked as well as
thick. If, for example, Gareth Southgate's reign at Middlesbrough
taught us anything it is (a) that Steve Gibson has more patience than
that Dr Steadman of Colorado whom all the Premier League players with
knee-knack go see, presumably because he's either the world's leading
specialist on the subject or a generously proportioned woman who
works naked, and (b) that the most effective way for supporters to
trigger change at a club is to temporarily ignore the team.

Having said that, Hajduk's Italian manager, Edy Reja piped up today
to, wittingly or otherwise, hint that the violent rather than silent
treatment may be in order here, after all. "We have too many players
and the squad needs to be trimmed," explained Reja, as at least 101
rabid Dalmatians prepared to hound a few players out.

*********************

FIVER LETTERS

"Re: Sam Allardyce being concerned his players may have passed on
swine flu to the Chelsea team. I'm not sure they got close enough" -
Jim Dodd.

"The letters section is usually boring enough what with its
proliferation of pedants, physics teachers, English language experts
and distinct lack of football fans with anything interesting to say.
But recently it seems to have sunk to a new low. Only three letters
published in yesterday's Fiver and all as tedious as each other. I
never thought I'd say this but where's Paul Jurdeckza when you need
him?" - Alex Saltmarsh.

"Yesterday's Fiver was not the first place I've seen Phil Brown's
half-time team talk at Eastlands blamed for the subsequent decline.
Given that the reason for that talk was the fact they had shipped
four goals in the first half, would it not be fair to assume the
slide had already started?" - Sean Cassidy.

WEEK END FOOTBALL TIPS

2009-10-23T09:32:00.005+01:00

SUNDAY WIN DOUBLE

8/15 ARSENAL (a) win v WEST HAM UTD

ARSENAL DREW 2 - 2

2/1 LIVERPOOL win v MANCHESTER UTD.

LIVERPOOL WON 2 - 0

This double pays just over 7/2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SATURDAY WIN DOUBLE

6/5 W.B.A. (a) WIN v COVENTRY

Result 0 -0

4/7 NEWCASTLE WIN v DONCASTER

Result Newcastle won 2 - 1

PROFIT /LOSS ACCOUNT

All bets :- singles,doubles and trebles to £20.00 stake

AUGUST 2009 = £67.84 - Loss

SEPTEMBER 2009 = £151.88 - Profit

(All five September tips won)

OCTOBER 2009 = £154.04 - Loss

SHOWING OVERALL ON ALL TIPS SEASON 09/10 :- £70.00 loss

WELL AND TRULY HAMMERED

Hands up . We got a pasting mid week. Smart Alec did it again and beat our fancy CSKA 0-1. We must say however that we are still of the opinion that this united team is the poorest for some considerable time and that they will not win the Premiership this season.

Did you see Rio and Ashley at the premiership of a gangsta film that they are involved in. Now those two might be better off concentrating on their lack of form and maybe immenent demise from the England team. Or is it still a fact that they still think that they are the golden generation no matter what "Lamps" says.

Anyway lets leave Rio ,Cashley and Team Scoobs poor performances behind and concentrate on this week-end. We cannot see any value in the Premiership this Saturday so it is to the Championship that we look. Our double pick for Saturday are Newcastle and West Brom. Quite simply we see the Geordies getting back on form with a home win, home being the word. The Baggies on the other hand are away to Coventry. It is games like this that West Brom have to win in order to end the season as league winners. They look the business for us and we take them to win a hard fought duel with the team just down the M6

Speaking of duels. Everton and Glasgow Rangers were not so much in a duel this week . More two bloody massacres. Now an excuse may be put forward for Everton who we are told were so ravaged by injuries that they had the whole first team out. Aye well ,maybe so.However what were Rangers excuses ? A pall hangs over Ibrox at the moment and it is one of utter gloom and doom. How could they have come to this ? Skint and in hawk to the banks and totally bankrupt on the playing fields. My how the mighty have fallen since the days of Gazza, Wilkins etc. Do you ever get the feeling that there is something that their fans are and have not been told. That defeat midweek was a total disgrace and must have their fans dreading what is coming next. Are we seeing the beginnings of the end of a once great club or can they turn it around ? Not with Wally and Ally at the helm and that is for sure...........Team Scoobs

TAKEN FROM THE GUARDIAN'S FIVER
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barry Glendenning
22 October 2009

ANOTHER ILL-ADVISED AND MEANDERING BIG VASE PREVIEW, ONLY 482 LEFT AND
THEN WE'RE IN THE KNOCKOUT STAGES

The strangeness of the format for Uefa's second most prestigious (or
worst) club competition can be gauged from the fact that Fulham and
Everton would need to have played 19 and 17 matches, respectively, to
win Big Vase at the end of the season, while Liverpool's players
could find themselves jumping half-heartedly up and down on a
hastily-erected rostrum in Hamburg come season's end after just nine.
Indeed, the fact that Liverpool are among many people's favourites to
win the competition despite not actually being in it - yet - only
serves to demonstrate just what a waste of everybody's time the once
great Big Vase has become.

But ever the masochist, the Fiver has taken up the offer of a free
ticket for Fulham's match against Roma and is cautiously optimistic
that tonight's game will end a run of four consecutive visits to
Craven Cottage without seeing anyone score an effin' goal. "Il
calcio, all fine, sembra solo una fastidiosa incombenza da sbrigare
in una confereneza che pare un te delle cinque," wrote Massimo
Cecchini in La Gazzetta dello Sport. We don't know what it means, but
it appeared in the same article as a photo of John Arne Riise and a
graphic containing the probable line-ups of both sides, so we presume
it's in some way pertinent.

Meanwhile in Portugal, Everton manager David Moyes has several
selection headaches ahead of his side's match against Benfica, what
with Joseph Yobo, Leon Osman, Steven Pienaar, Phil Neville, Mikel
Arteta, Victor Anichebe and Phil Jagielka all knacked, while John
Heitinga and Lucas Neill are lucky enough to be ineligible for Big
Vase. "We have a few injuries but I feel we have sufficient strength;
that is what we do at Everton, we fight hard for each other," said
Moyes, pausing to consider that maybe if his charges fought a little
less hard for each other, more of them might be fit enough to
actually play.

Follow all tonight's Big Vase action with our match centres from 6pm (
http://guardian.chtah.com/a/tBK4HquAY30QpAe9jDFB-OLQLYD/fvr18 ).

*********************

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"My brother and I are room-mates in the Norway national team. In our
room we have a lot of competitions which I can't go into detail
about, but for us it's 'competition time' again" - while Roma's John
Arne Riise looks forward to lining up against little brother Bjorn
Helge tonight, the rest of us are left to wonder if the hotel-room
competitions he can't go into detail about involve pay-per-view
special interest movies and a digestive biscuit.

*********************

FIVER LETTERS

"Yuri Zhirkov (yesterday's Bits and Bobs) was rightly smug after
betting on Rubin Kazan to beat Barcelona, but given the fact he took
evens rather than the best-price 46-1, does this make him the worst
gambler since ... the Fiver?" - Paul McGettigan (and 1,056 others).

"Re: James Lavelle (yesterday's Fiver letters). Is this the same James
Lavelle from Mo Wax and Unkle fame? Writing into the Fiver letters
section? Shame on you. You used to be so so cool. What's next? The
Scratch P€rverts on Come Dine With Me?" - Russell Peake.

Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk (
mailto:the.boss@guardian.co.uk ). And if you've nothing better to do
you can also Tweet the Fiver (
http://guardian.chtah.com/a/tBK4HquAY30QpAe9jDFB-OLQLYD/fvr19 ) now.

*********************

BITS AND BOBS

Just when Liverpool fans thought things couldn't get any worse ...
Andrea Dossena has revealed he's almost fit for selection again. "The
recovery is going well," he cheered. "I expect to be available in the
coming weeks."

Robinho will be out for a further two weeks after suffering
knack-setback.

Stan Kroenke's full response when asked about his long-term intentions
at Arsenal's AGM today:

Diego Maradona has defended his lewd outburst following Argentina's
World Cup qualifying win over Uruguay. "I apologised to the ladies,"
he noted, before clarifying: "Not to those who talk about football on
television."

Sheffield United will pay Henri Camara's doctor's bills for the rest
of the season in return for a mutual pretence that he may recover
from career-knack and play for them at some point.

Christian Vieri, 98, has announced his retirement.

Chester City face the prospect of expulsion from the Football
Conference if they don't remedy the "non-payment of football
creditors" by 5.30pm on Monday.

And St Austell skipper Lee Whetter could be kicked out of the club
after wading into the stands to fight with rival Newquay fans (
http://guardian.chtah.com/a/tBK4HquAY30QpAe9jDFB-OLQLYD/fvr20 ) during their South West
Peninsula League Division One West encounter. "My emotions got on top
of me, I don't know what came over me," admitted Whetter, who put
supporter Mark Charles in a headlock before landing a flurry of
punches on him.

*********************

ADVERT

Chelsea are now 9-2 second favourites to win Big Cup after thrashing
Atletico Madrid 4-0, while Manchester United are 13-2 fourth
favourites after their victory at CSKA Moscow. Despite defeats to
Rubin Kazan and Milan, respectively, Barcelona (7-2 favourites) and
Real Madrid (5-1) are still at the forefront of the betting. But what
about Liverpool? Rafa Benitez's side are 16-1 to pull off a
remarkable fightback and win Group E, but are odds-against at 5-4 to
qualify for the knockout stages. Tonight is Big Vase night and all
the money has come for Hamburg to win at the Queen's Celtic. The
Germans are now 13-10. Join us here at Sportingbet (
http://guardian.chtah.com/a/tBK4HquAY30QpAe9jDFB-OLQLYD/fvr21 ) and
get up to GBP200 in free bets.

MID WEEK W/E THE 25th OCTOBER

2009-10-20T06:43:00.008+01:00

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE TUESDAY

5/6 LIVERPOOL WIN V LYON

Liverpool lost 2-1

5/6 OLYMPIAKOS WIN V STANDARD LIEGE

Olympiakos won 2-1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE WEDNESDAY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

14/5 CSKA MOSCOW WIN V MAN UTD

CSKA LOST 0 - 1

PROFIT /LOSS ACCOUNT

All bets :- singles,doubles and trebles to £20.00 stake

AUGUST 2009 = £67.84 - Loss

SEPTEMBER 2009 = £151.88 - Profit

(All five September tips won)

OCTOBER 2009 = £114.04 - Loss

SHOWING OVERALL ON ALL TIPS SEASON 09/10 :- £30.00 loss

WEDNESDAY NIGHT

MANCHESTER UTD ON THE SLIDE ?

A very tough past week with our tips sinking without trace not for the first time so as per the norm time to bounce back. Our double tip this Tuesday looks a solid value bet and we are confident that Liverpool will bounce back after their defeat at Villa with a win at home against the French. Olympiakos should also make good use of playing at home in front of their very ardent and passionate fans.

After our more or less predictable double for Tuesday we are going for a major upset this Wednesday. Here as you can see we are going for a Moscow win. As you know by now that even though Utd are top of the premiership we are of the opinion that they are on the slide. We have posted several times why we think this is. So time to put our money where our mouths are. On a predictably cold night in Moscow we think that CSKA will warm the English champions up by toasting their derrieres. Are we right or will old smart Alec do it again ? As ever you decide whether you agree with us or not. What ever you decide the best of luck this mid week...........Team Scoobs

TAKEN FROM THE GUARDIAN'S FIVER
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barney Ronay and Simon Burnton
19 October 2009

IRELAND GET FRANCE, SHAY GIVEN GETS LIPPY

With all the dignity and gravitas of an overly chummy street musician
who shuffles things around under a triumvirate of pork pie hats and
then makes out it's OK to semi-feel up your girlfriend while he
forces you to guess where the orange has gone, Uefa this afternoon
announced the draw for the European World Cup play-off matches. And
very much in the style of a display of irritating faux-cockney
Leicester Square street magicianship it all fell slightly flat
because, let's face it, the Fiver pretty much knew how things were
going to turn out. It's not hard to see why. Like having an orange up
your sleeve, or expertly providing "misdirection" by making the
Fiver's girlfriend laugh slightly too much with a series of quips
about the Fiver's unwieldy aluminium orthodontic headpiece, Fifa's
decision to seed a draw that should be a level playing field for all
second-placed teams did tend to give the game away slightly.

And so it turned out in Zurich as Ireland got France, Portugal got
Bosnia-Herzegovina, Greece were paired with Ukraine and Russia with
Slovenia. "It might only be two games, but the stakes are high," Fifa
president Sepp Blatter declared. "I wish good luck to everyone," he
added, before upending an entire buffet table of cold savoury meats
into his spasming gullet and adding in a voice drowned out by the
aggressive consumption of high-end salami a sentence that may have
been "except for teams like Slovenia, who I hope just sort of go
away" but almost certainly wasn't.

And already, in a slightly worrying display of sour grapes before the
grapes, Shay Given has figuratively slammed Fifa over that seeding
policy: "As one of the smaller countries, it is hard enough to
qualify at the best of times. To change the rules a couple of weeks
before the end of the campaign is ridiculous." Which would no doubt
be the case if it wasn't for the fact that the 2006 draw was also -
and also unfairly to the Fiver's mind - seeded. Still, luckily Given
has already thought of a cunning plan to get round all of this. "The
seeding thing has spurred us a bit more. You think the whole world is
against you," the mild-mannered glove-man raged, adopting a snarly
facial expression. The Fiver can see what he did there. But somehow,
like a seeded eight-team World Cup draw, or a man with
nicotine-stained teeth who rather threateningly produces an egg from
behind your ear after accosting you in the street outside the
Trocadero, somehow the Fiver's just not convinced.

*********************

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"I am a friend of Svennis and know how good a manager he is! We'll
have a telephone conversation on Wednesday, then I hope to know more"
- Swedish FA president Lars-Ake Lagrell prepares a
come-and-return-home plea to Sven-Goran Eriksson. Let's hope he has
deep pockets.

*********************

A LOAD OF BALLS

So a football hit a beachball and bounced into the back of the net.
Very funny. This, we've established. But...

* The referee didn't know the rules.
* The Liverpool manager didn't know the rules, and furthermore didn't
seem to care. "It's a very technical question," he mumbled.
* The Sunderland manager didn't know the rules, and furthermore
thought that anyone who did know them would have to be a bit of a
loser. "If anyone knew that rule, then you are one saddo," he said.

Where does that leave us? Are we not teetering on the very brink of
sporting anarchy? Are the rules not the very most important thing
about the sport, the one thing that binds it together and stops it
descending into violence, farce or - gadzooks - rugby ruddy union?

Sure, this particular rule is one that we have merrily lived without
for many long years, but it's the thin end of the stick. We start by
forgetting what should happen when the ball hits a haphazardly-thrown
inflatable on its way to the net, next thing we're asking our
girlfriends to explain the offside law. Before we know it the referee
will be insisting that an FA Cup third-round replay has to be decided
by the two captains playing conkers on the halfway line and the two
managers will look at each other, shrug and say "who'd have thought?"
before ordering the kitman to issue their skipper with their finest
vinegar-dipped pre-hardened cheesecutter.

Fortunately, action appears to have already been taken. Mike Jones,
the rogue ref, has been told to take charge of Peterborough v
Scunthorpe this weekend, and the Fiver suggests that he pass the time
he might otherwise have spent basking in the limelight reading his
obviously underthumbed rulebook. Meanwhile Benitez seems determined
to remain upbeat, despite hearing that Fernando Torres will miss
tomorrow's game against Lyon. "We have gone from winning five on the
trot to losing three in succession, but I do not believe there is
much difference in all these games. We have played well, created
chances and won praise for our attacking play," he cavaliered,
happily forgetting Liverpool's frankly woeful performance against
Fiorentina and their rather shambolic defending against Sunderland.
As you do.

*********************

FIVER LETTERS

"When I first heard a red and white beachball had scored against
Liverpool I was delighted, as I have Andy Reid in my Fantasy Football
team. My subsequent disappointment was lessened when I saw the
incident. What next? A cheese grater grabbing a second half hat-trick
at Anfield? A garden shed nutmegging Jamie Carragher? And is there
any truth in the reports that the beachball has leapfrogged Michael
Owen in the pecking order for a World Cup place?" - Alan Gernon.

"As another former Fury fan, albeit of the armchair variety, I'd like
to challenge John Kendle's withering assessment of my broth ... I
mean, favourite player, Douglas Hardie. I still have the video
evidence of his legendary turn and shot. There may even have been
more than one" - Angus Hardie.

WEEK - ENDING THE 18th OCTOBER

2009-10-12T17:56:00.016+01:00

SUNDAY WIN DOUBLE

3/4 BLACKBURN WIN V BURNLEY

RESULT :- BLACKBURN 3 - 2 BURNLEY

4/5 MAN. CITY (a) WIN V WIGAN

RESULT WIGAN 1 - 1 MAN.CITY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SATURDAY TREBLE

10/11 CHELSEA (a) WIN V ASTON VILLA

Chelsea lost 2-1

6/5 LIVERPOOL (a) WIN V SUNDERLAND

Liverpool lost 1-0

2/11 ARSENAL WIN V BRMINGHAM CITY

Arsenal won 3 - 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WEDNESDAY WORLDCUP DOUBLE

--------------------------------------

SWITZERLAND WIN V ISRAEL

Result :- 0-0

CZECH REPUBLIC WIN V N. IRELAND

Result :- 0-0

PROFIT /LOSS ACCOUNT

All bets :- singles,doubles and trebles to £20.00 stake

AUGUST 2009 = £67.84 - Loss

SEPTEMBER 2009 = £151.88 - Profit

(All five September tips won)

OCTOBER 2009 = £74.04 - Loss

SHOWING OVERALL ON ALL TIPS SEASON 09/10 :- £10.00 Profit

TIMELY DOUBLE WIN

Finland and Montenegro gave us a very welcome double win on Saturday making October look a whole lot better. Still in the red but not by much and over all we are well into the black. So onto this week and we make no apologies for tipping a very short odds double in Czechoslovakia and Switzerland to continue their current form and provide us with another double to take us into the black this month. Not a very exciting double it must be said but a very solid looking bet in our books.Check it out.

You may remember before the season started that we downplayed Man u 's title hopes this season. We more than ever stand by that. We did point out that Ferdinand had problems that were effecting him at the end of last season and one look at him this season was all we needed to know that he now looks past it in our opinion. With his form and the loss of Tevez and CR9 no way Jose we thought. Now with no decent replacements and relying on without doubt a Golden Oldie in Giggsy the only way is down. Giggs is and has been a superb footballer but he cannot be expected to carry a team. Rooney fair enough maybe a very talented work horse but by no stretch of the imagination is he in the same class as Ronaldo. As ever that is what we think, thing is do you agree or are we way off the mark.? You decide...................Team Scoobs

TAKEN FROM THE GUARDIAN'S FIVER
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Up In Smoke, and Shades Of Purpley-puce Uncharted Even By Dulux

Scott Murray and Barry Glendenning
12 October 2009

ENGLAND'S 2010 WORLD CUP CHANCES GO UP IN SMOKE, A BIT LIKE THE THING
THAT HAPPENED TO ONE OF THOSE FLARES THROWN ON TO THE PITCH THAT HAD
SMOKE COMING OUT OF THEM

At 5.14pm last Saturday, everything was right in the world for fans of
the Three Lions. England boasted a 100% record in a group containing
Andorra and Kazakhstan - well done Fabio, well done everyone - while
Germany were said to be in danger of not making it to South Africa
next summer, apparently, on account of having won only 22 points out
of 24. Yay! Balls to Germany and, conversely, hooray for us! What a
glorious nation!

A few hours later, it had all gone nips up, on account of: (1) the
inside of Rio Ferdinand's head having the same texture and
consistency of Orangey Bit, the signature substance in his favourite
mid-game snack; (2) Robert Green rolling out the red carpet for the
return of hapless Portsmouth goalkeeper Harold Lloyd and troubled
Manchester United stopper Buster Keaton; (3) England's Brave John
Terry taking root in the middle of the Dnipro Arena, allowing Artem
Milevski to brush past his branches every couple of minutes; (4)
Ashley Cole being beaten for pace by Andriy Shevchenko; and (5) Glen
Johnson therefore being England's best defensive player by a country
mile. Oh. my.

Germany qualified after all and, as they always go further than
England, Fabio and the lads might as well pack it in now.

Still, there is one upside, according to Frank Lampard: the team's
best player is injured. That's just dandy! Wayne Rooney has pulled
out of the game against Belarus at Wembley with a severe case of
having his wages paid by Manchester United. "He's obviously a good
player," Lampard admirably rationalised on the hoof today, "but it's
quite nice for us to have to get along without him. If we can see
other players coming through then it's a good thing for us." Right
you are. Lamps also had a word of support for the gorm-lite
Ferdinand, praising his "consistency" and suggesting "when the big
game comes, he will deliver". Just like he did in the Big Cup final
to Lionel Messi, against Holland to Dirk Kuyt, and against Manchester
City to Craig Bellamy, in fact.

Yep, Fabio and the lads might as well pack it in now.

*********************

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"In Inter there weren't many players who could make the difference.
But at Barca, even if there is an absentee there is always someone
who makes the difference and we win. This is what makes Barcelona a
great team" - Barcelona striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic, now predisposed
to favouring the Spanish giants over his former club Internazionale,
suggests the reigning European champions might have a better squad
than a club who last won Europe's top prize in 1965. This is "an
astonishing attack", according to the Press Association.

*********************

ALAN WILEY: OFFICALLY FIT

After Manchester United's 2-2 hiding at the hands of Sunderland last
Saturday week, Sir Alex Ferguson was quizzed about the wisdom of
fielding a keeper whose pre-match ritual involves tying the laces of
his boots together before smearing his gloves with margarine.
Reaching into the fabled psychological arsenal that has held idiot
journalists in thrall for over 20 years, Fergie pulled out the
classic diversionary "mind game" of ignoring the question and going
off on one about something completely unrelated instead.

On this occasion, he decided to mess with the press pack's collective
mind by attacking the fitness of referee Alan Wiley, even though the
official huffed and puffed his way over more ground in 93.47 minutes
than most of the players on the field. That's not bad going,
considering he's old enough to be Ryan Giggs's much older brother, or
father on certain Manchester estates.

Unfortunately for Fergie, the referees' association is still baying
for his blood despite a mealy-mouthed half-apology in which the
Manchester United manager said he was sorry for publicly traducing
Wiley, but pointedly failed to retract the comments that had caused
offence. "Referees are very fit," droned whistle-blowers' trade union
chief Alan Leighton. "They have sports scientists who test them
regularly throughout the season. They don't just pass a fitness test
at the start of the season."

With the controversy set to rumble on, Ferguson's been asked to submit
his own thoughts on the matter to the FA by Friday and could be
facing a fine or a touchline ban. More worryingly for the United
manager, there's also talk that the matter might end up in court, a
turn of events that would result in him turning shades of
purpley-puce that remain uncharted even by Dulux. It seems on this
occasion Ferg has picked the wrong battle - who'd have thunk English
match officials could be such a fastidious, stubborn and pernickety
bunch?

*********************

WEEK - ENDING THE 11th OCTOBER

2009-10-05T01:59:00.012+01:00

WORLD CUP SATURDAY : WIN DOUBLE

10/11 FINLAND WIN V WALES

FINLAND WON 2 - 1

8/11 MONTENEGRO WIN V GEORGIA

MONTENEGRO WON 2 - 1

Win double pays aprox 9/4

~~~

MONDAY NIGHT SINGLE

13/8 MANCHESTER CITY (A) WIN V ASTON VILLA

Result :- 1 - 1 Draw

PRICES GIVEN AT TIME OF POSTING

PROFIT /LOSS ACCOUNT

All bets :- singles,doubles and trebles to £20.00 stake

AUGUST 2009 = £67.84 - Loss

SEPTEMBER 2009 = £151.88 - Profit

(All five September tips won)

OCTOBER 2009 = £14.04 - Loss

SHOWING OVERALL ON ALL TIPS SEASON 09/10 :- £70.00 Profit

DOUBLE TROUBLE

Our winning run came to an end at the week-end with both our double tips going down. Absolutely no complaints about Sunday as we were well caught out and it never at any time looked like a winner. Saturday's however was a different matter and we did think that Sheffield United had done enough to bring home the bacon. However it was not to be and they only managed a 1-1 draw. The most painfull thing about it was losing a fine Millwall 5-0 victory at 3/4 . Still "c'est la vie" as they say in Glesga. No matter how bad we felt ex Celtic manager Mr Barnes must be feeling worse as Tranmere look more and more like a ship looking for a suitable iceberg to take it down.

As you know by now our motto is "a bad start means a good finish". So with this in mind and any other wee homily that we can think of we are going with Manchester City to get a result away from home at the Villa. It will not be an easy game but we do think that Adebayor will come out ahead of Heskey in this match and that ex villain Garreth Barry will be well up to handle the stick that will undoubtedly come his way this Monday night..All round we just think that City will be too strong and will continue their very impressive start to the season. ............Team Scoobs

W/E 4th OCTOBER

2009-09-28T06:58:00.025+01:00

SUNDAY DOUBLE

4/7 EVERTON WIN V STOKE CITY

Everton drew 1 - 1

5/4 WEST HAM WIN V FULHAM

West ham lost 2 - 2

SATURDAYS DOUBLE

(Ch/ship) 8/11 SHEFF/UTD WIN V DONCASTER

SHEFF/UTD DREW 1 - 1

(Lge 1) 3/4 MILLWALL WIN V TRANMERE

MILLWALL WON 5 - 0

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE TUESDAY

SEVILLA (A) WIN V GLASGOW RANGERS

BEST PRICE 15/13

SEVILLA WON 4 - 1

PRICES GIVEN AT TIME OF POSTING

PROFIT /LOSS ACCOUNT

All bets :- singles,doubles and trebles to £20.00 stake

AUGUST 2009 = £67.84 - Loss

SEPTEMBER 2009 = £151.88p Profit

(All five September tips won)

OCTOBER 2009 = £40.00 - Loss

SHOWING OVERALL ON ALL TIPS SEASON 09/10 :- £44.04p Profit

THE VERY BLUE,BLUES

A very satisfying double win on Saturday with Man U and the Arsenal both winning and giving us a double at just over 5/4. We did point out (to our immense satisfaction), that we thought it was a value for money double particularly when compared with Liverpool and Chelsea who were at combined odds of 1/2. Well the pool won at a trot but lo and behold Terry and his toothless terriers were well and truly hammered by the mighty Wigan. So nice to get it right albeit once in a while.

Another team firing blanks at the moment are Glasgow Rangers. Now to be fair comparing them to Chelsea is a bit much but they do play in blue. However they have lost the winning touch in the SPL and we fully expect Sevilla to do the business at Ibrox against a very poor Rangers team. Alas speaking about poor it now seems that the old credit crunch has parked up at Ibrox. All the talk about five star hotels etc etc in Sunny Guvaan seem now to have disappeared like mirages in the desert. Who will buy Rangers now that the established Scottish banks are in the old poo poo themselves and wid be laith tae fork oot any readies to a team that is in decline.Perhaps they should look across the city to Celtic Park and maybe take a few tips from them about parsimony in their future business dealings........

UPDATE /WEEK-END

Touch wood and all that but we are continuing our profitable winning run.That has consisted of 2 singles,2 doubles and a treble all coming in. Nine teams winning in all. Rangers hammering by Sevilla was a disaster waiting to happen and we did get that bang on. Wally's system of playing at home with just the one striker up front tells any opponents that there is a distinct lack of confidence in the home team. Now if you had a decent defence you would still fancy your chances at home. Rangers have not so maybe it is time for Ally and Wally to perhaps move on, if they can find anyone to have them. Please do not mention this to the S.F.A.

You will have noticed that we are steering well clear of the derby in Glasgow this week-end as Celtic's defending can also be a bit dodgy to say the least. We are also staying away from our normal fishing ground the English Premiership. It is looking very tight there at the moment and not much value for our dosh.

Instead we have gone for a double with two teams who have had a decent start to their respective campaigns and both should record wins at home against much weaker opposition. So it is with Millwall and Sheffield United that we hope to continue our run of wins and get October off to a profitable start..............Team Scoobs

TAKEN FROM THE GUARDIAN'S FIVER
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rob Smyth and Barry Glendenning
30 September 2009

ROOTS DOWN

As you have may have heard once or seven million times, Lord Ferg
comes from Govan. He's so proud of his working-class roots that he
doesn't lose sight of them even when he's wearing an eyeless Kendo
Nagasaki mask, and he hates The Man. You'd never get him, for
example, telling Manchester United supporters to "go and support
Chelsea (for daring to criticise men who have saddled the club with
hundreds of millions of pounds of debt. Nor would he jeopardise his kingdom for the stud fees offered by a horse. And, being a traditionalist
who has been in love with Europe's premier club competition ever
since he sneaked into Hampden for Real Madrid's 7-3 win over
Eintracht Frankfurt in 1960, there's no way he'd back the obviously
pointless and unfair group stages of Big Cup, is there?

Is there?

Apparently so, according to Ferguson's programme notes for tonight's
game against Wolfsburg. "I do not agree the preliminaries are
meaningless and simply a money-making exercise," he said, as a group
of hired heavies lifted his new 98-inch plasma on to the wall
brackets in the Dave and Paramount Comedy Channel room of his humble
302-up, 302-down abode. "The group system is a league. All sports
competitions have a starting point that includes the minnows, from
the FA Cup to Wimbledon in tennis, or the Open in golf.

"You can't start with the FA Cup final, or Wimbledon final and cut out
the competitive build-up. When you put it like that, it is nonsense
of course. But that has not prevented a spate of recent criticism and
accusations of the game exploiting the fans," he continued, pouring a
bottle of Cristal down the sink because one of his team of butlers
had served it at 3.141 degrees centigrade rather than the requested
3.142. None of Ferg's comments, of course, explain why - if it's not
about money - the competitive build-up could not be the early rounds
of an unseeded knockout.

"The better teams invariably come out on top in the end but not before
some heart-stopping moments and I am sure the smaller clubs welcome
the chance of going for glory, even if the odds are stacked against
them," Ferguson concluded, in no way patronisingly, as he cleaned his
derriere with the GBP100 notes in his pocket to save himself an
arduous seven-step journey to the Andrex Wing.

Follow Man Utd's streaky 2-1 win over Wolfsburg

*********************

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"The Beard saved me many times, I hope he saves me this time too" -
on-the-brink Argentina coach Diego Maradona calls for another helping
hand from the man upstairs. At least that's who we think he's asking
assistance from.

*********************

SHRILL PILL

Ah relax y'all. The Fiver's mange-ridden, stick-chasing,
"sausages"-saying best friend, Kujo Fiver is curled up in his basket
with a paw over each ear, as he tries to block out the shrill,
high-pitched whining emanating from the hubristic half of Merseyside
following Liverpool's entirely predictable defeat at the hands of
Fiorentina in Big Cup last night.

After all, the Scousers have made it through to the knockout stages
after far worse starts than this. Two years ago they went into their
last group game against Marseille needing a win to qualify for the
last 16. What with their opposition being French and therefore less
likely to cause a Big Cup shock than the Fiver is to win Best
Supporting Actress at next year's Oscars, Liverpool somehow managed
to scrape through 4-0 and all was well. And with matches against
white flag-waving surrender monkeys Lyon - among others - ahead, Rafa
Benitez, $tevie Mbe and the world's most knowledgeable fans have no
reason to lube up the defibrillator paddles just yet.

"It's wide open in this group and there is still a lot of football to
be played," trilled $tevie Mbe, who looked impressed when, without
using a calculator, the Fiver told him there's 720 minutes plus
whatever time the referees add in the remaining eight group matches.
"We have to get this result out of our system quickly and show a
reaction at Stamford Bridge."

While baddish news for Liverpool, last night's defeat also puts
Chelsea in something of a quandary. Having already promised they'd
get the defeat at Wigan out of their system by showing a reaction
against Apoel Nicosia tonight, Chelsea co-managers Carlo Ancelotti
and England's Brave John Terry may be forced to rethink their
position now they know their next Premier League opponents have
adopted the exact same tactic for this weekend's encounter at
Stamford Bridge.

Should Chelsea win tonight, complacency could set in, prompting defeat
against fired-up, champing-at-the-bit, Liverpool. But lose against
Apoel and consecutive defeats will prompt twice the determination
from Chelsea as that promised by Liverpool. Coupled with home
advantage, this would leave the London side in a nigh-on unassailable
position. What to do?

*********************

FIVER LETTERS

"Re: Josh Nicklin (yesterday's Fiver letters). Sadly I did not have
the pleasure of reading Monday's Fiver, as I was somewhat preoccupied
with attempting to produce a passable impression of a sports section,
and certainly did not make a contribution. But if there is another
Dominic Hart out there with the admirable ability to write tangled
and unfunny copy please send his CV my way without delay" - Dominic
Hart, Sports Editor, Daily Mirror.

"If you are going to be the lazy journalists you claim to be, then why
did someone take initiative and add a 'u' to the word 'honoring' in
the direct quote from the San Jose Earthquakes press release on the
rather silly promotion for Darren Huckerby (yesterday's quote of the
day)? Don't you know how to cut and paste and leave well enough
alone? Or did it not occur to you that we don't use 'u' in that word
over in the US? Please stop trying to color your sad tea-timely email
by omitting local flavor" - Kevin Couper.

WEEK -ENDING - 27th SEPTEMBER

2009-09-20T18:00:00.024+01:00

LAST 4 TIPS:- SINGLE ,TWO DOUBLES AND A TREBLE ALL WON

SATURDAY THE 26th :- AWAY WIN DOUBLE

4/9 MANCHESTER UTD (A) WIN V STOKE CITY

MANCHESTER UTD. WON 0 - 2

8/13 ARSENAL (A) WIN V FULHAM

ARSENAL WON 0 - 1

THIS WIN DOUBLE PAYS OUT JUST OVER 5/4

SUNDAY 21st RESULT

8/15 CHELSEA WIN V SPURS

CHELSEA WON 3 - 0

SATURDAY20th RESULT

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ASTON VILLA 4/9 WIN V PORTSMOUTH

Aston Villa won 2 - 0

ARSENAL 2/7 WIN V WIGAN

Arsenal won 4 - 0

(A) LIVERPOOL 4/7 WIN V WEST HAM

Liverpool won 3 - 2

TREBLE PAYS OUT APROX. 2/1

RESULTS FROM W/E 13/09/09

10/11 BLACKBURN WIN V WOLVES

BLACKBURN WON 3 - 1

10/11 SUNDERLAND WIN V HULL

SUNDERLAND WON 4 - 1

Combined odds of aprox just over 5/2

PRICES GIVEN AT TIME OF POSTING

AUGUST 2009 = £67.84 Loss

SEPTEMBER 2009 = £128.80 Profit

SHOWING OVERALL ON ALL TIPS SEASON 09/10 :- £60.96 Profit

ODDS ON DOUBLE-VALUE

As you will have seen we are continuing multiple betting. This has taken us into profit after a weak start to the season.Now the single odds are pretty keen we must admit but when you double up as in the case above with Man U and Arsenal the odds start to show what we consider value for money.As we have said before maybe it is pointing out the bleeding obvious but these two teams are in form and should win. Yup we know. We all have the T-Shirt betting on teams that should have won. However when you look at Chelsea who are 6/17 to beat Wigan and Liverpool at 1/6 to beat Hull ( combined odds of just 1/2).We just think that our double represents a better value bet.Also you would still show a profit of over 16% if you only had one double up out of two at odds of 5/4 per double. Are we talking out of the top of our heads ? Well as ever you decide but at the moment we are in profit and starting to really enjoy the season.........TEAM SCOOBS.

TAKEN FROM THE GUARDIAN'S FIVER
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rob Smyth
21 September 2009

FOOTBALLERS BEHAVING BADLY, VOLUME 977, EPISODE 1

On the list of the most surprising things that happened on Sunday 20
September, Craig Bellamy and El Hadji Diouf arousing the interest of
the filth comes just in between the sun going down and the barely
cooked red meat the Fiver ate ultimately transmogrifying into a
malodorous deposit. Still, at least these two misunderstood
peacekeeping visionaries allegedly picked on someone their own size:
Bellamy punched a fan who was being restrained by approximately 74
stewards, while Diouf is alleged to have sworn at and racially abused
an Everton ball boy. Oh.

"Merseyside police are looking into an allegation that a 28-year-old
man used r@cist language at the Everton match," said a statement.
With Alf Garnett: a) probably over 28; and b) fictional, we're pretty
sure that means Diouf. He was reportedly interviewed by dibble in a
room at Goodison Park an hour after Blackeye Rovers' 3-0 defeat, and
has been fined twice in the past for generously sharing the gift of
his sticky mouth produce with opposing fans.

In other news, Greater Manchester police say they are "making
inquiries" about Bellamy's right-hander on a Manchester United fan,
an act that - along with a shocking tackle on Anderson which, like
Che Neville celebrating in front of the City fans, seems to have been
ignored by the media - sullied a superb individual performance.

"We are investigating the incident and we will be looking at the
referee's match report," said an FA spokesman, coming tantalisingly
close to justifying the coin he takes home every month. Talking of
coin, can anyone lend the Fiver a couple of qui- sorry ... talking of
coin, Manchester United are also in trouble after the City substitute
Javier Garrido was struck by a piece of copper aimed at Carlos Tevez.
In addition, 22 fans were arrested during and after the game. Oh and
the Big Four reasserted their authority over the pretenders. Who says
the Premier League is predictable, eh?

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"I've been getting stick about my teeth from the lads. They've been
calling me Simon Cowell, telling me I've had them chemically
whitened. So I gave it the X-Factor sign when I scored. Honestly,
I've not had them whitened. It's just Colgate. What you find is the
coaches drink a lot of coffee, that's why they've got yellow teeth. I
was going to hitch the shorts up to my n1pples. I thought that would
have been a good celebration, but the fans would have thought, 'What
the hell's he doing?'" - Newcastle's Steven Taylor explains his goal
celebration against Plymouth, and offers invaluable advice on oral
hygiene in the process.

*********************

FIVER LETTERS

"I dislike seeing a Man Utd winner in the 'Ferg Minutes' as much as
the next man, but in this case I have no sympathy for Ailsa from Home
and Away. Much as I had no sympathy for Bernard Cribbins when he
moaned about the same thing last season. These are players who when
playing under Lord Ferg benefitted from such timekeeping shenanigans
on numerous occasions. You reap what you sow and all that" - Toby
Jones.

"Mike Wrall (Friday's letters) may find this implausible but, for some
years now, 1p and 2p coins have contained a ferrous metal, ie steel.
Try a simple magnet test on a handful of loose change. I believe
steel has been used in British coins since 1992 when 1p and 2p coins
were first made of copper-plated steel. Earlier 1p and 2p coins (and
other, current British coins) contain no steel and are therefore not
magnetic. As Hugh Dallas retired at the end of the 2004-05 Scottish
football season, he may well have been a coin magnet (albeit coins of
low face value) for the final 13 years of his distinguished career. I
will refrain from making the obvious, stereotypical, Scottish joke
about the face value of the coins thrown at Mr Dallas while
refereeing in his native land" - Derek Ward (and 1,056 others).

"Re: Tom Kislingbury's attempt at humour in Friday's letter section.
As a result of this, I searched and found a small chihuahua and,
while the owner wasn't looking, gave it a surreptitious kick. I hope
you've learned your lesson" - Steve Ham.

*********************

BITS AND BOBS

Stuttgart have dropped Jens Lehmann from their first-team squad after
he paid a visit to Oktoberfest at the weekend. The 39-year-old was
spotted at Munich's beer festival only hours after his side had been
beaten 2-0 by Cologne. "The visit to the Wiesn [Oktoberfest] was part
of a charity event and it had been planned for a long time," claimed
Lehmann, rubbing pretzel crumbs from his chin.

Last season's Big Cup final ref, Massimo Busacca, has been given a
three-match ban after flicking the 'Stinkefinger' (
http://guardian.chtah.com/a/tBKt6HYAY30QpAe9jDFB-OLQLHi/fvr26 ) at an
abusive supporter during Saturday's Swiss Cup match between FC Baden
and Young Boys. "I let myself get provoked by the verbal insults of
the fans and was dragged down to making an unsporting gesture," said
Busacca.

The Football League has donned its deerstalker, stuffed its pipe and
is investigating the takeover of Notts County.

Bundesliga strugglers Bochum have apologised after the club announced
coach Marcel Koller's sacking on their website last night, four hours
before it had been confirmed at a board meeting. "This is
embarrassing," groaned a club spokesman. "This press release had only
been prepared in case it was needed. It appeared on our site due to a
misunderstanding."

And the Special One has been banned from the dugout for one game after
being sent to the stands yesterday.

*********************

ADVERT

It was an incredible Manchester derby yesterday, with all the staple
content required for a rousing encounter: loads of goals,
hard-hitting tackles, questionable stoppage time and Craig Bellamy
having a barney with an opposing fan. Is he misunderstood or simply a
menace? We go 1-10 the latter. But what has that done to the title
betting? Derby victors Man Utd are now 9-4 to successfully defend
their crown, but after thumping Tottenham 3-0 Chelsea are now 11-10
to win the title under Carlo Ancelotti. Man City are back in double
figures at 11-1. Another bad week for Bolton: some of you may be
interested in our 9-2 quote on them going down this season. After
being tipped up left, right and centre at the start of the season
Burnley are now as big as 11-10 to go down after another excellent
Turf Moor display on Saturday. You can get up to GBP200 in free bets
if you open a Sportingbet account today

WEEK - END 20th SEPTEMBER

2009-04-16T06:53:00.130+01:00

SUNDAY BEST

8/15 CHELSEA WIN V SPURS

CHELSEA WON 3 - 0

SATURDAYS RESULTS

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ASTON VILLA 4/9 WIN V PORTSMOUTH

Aston Villa won 2 - 0

ARSENAL 2/7 WIN V WIGAN

Arsenal won 4 - 0

(A) LIVERPOOL 4/7 WIN V WEST HAM

Liverpool won 3 - 2

TREBLE PAYS OUT APROX. 2/1

RESULTS FROM W/E 13/09/09

10/11 BLACKBURN WIN V WOLVES

BLACKBURN WON 3 - 1

10/11 SUNDERLAND WIN V HULL

SUNDERLAND WON 4 - 1

Combined odds of aprox just over 5/2

PRICES GIVEN AT TIME OF POSTING

RETURN ON ALL TIPS GIVEN

W/E 9th Aug -£45.45p .................... W/E 16th Aug - £76.00

W/E 23rd Aug + £115.14p................W/E 30 th Aug - £61.53p

W/E13th Sept + £52.89p...................W/E 20th Sept + £49.24p

SHOWING OVERALL PROFIT ON ALL TIPS OF £34.29p

TERRIFIC RETURN TO FORM

A very timely return to form has taken us into profit. Not before time but it is always dificult early season. The main thing though was as we said on our last post was to steady the aul buffs and stick to the form book. Now with a double up followed by a treble and a very safe single this Sunday. This has given us six wins from our last six tips. It must be said also that it would not take a genius to tip them but at least we got the mix right and added to a very enjoyable past eight days of terrific footie. So if you went with us well done and if you did not we hope that your fancies did as well us .........TEAM SCOOBS.

TAKEN FROM THE GUARDIAN'S FIVER
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barney Ronay and Simon Burnton
18 September 2009

GOAD TO PERDITION

Emmanuel Adebayor is the most important person in the world. We know
this. It's not up for debate. Much more surprising, as the Fiver
mused only this morning while drinking an infusion of dried Emmanuel
Adebayor from its Emmanuel Adebayor tea set, pouring itself another
bowl of frosted Adebayor Flakes (the great taste of male hair product
and ear wax), slipping into its Man At Adebayor luxury shell-suit and
sprinting off towards the bus-stop, randomly goading passers-by and
knee-sliding to a halt outside Costcutter, is how we managed to get
by before He Who Is Emmanuel Adebayor became our everything. How did
we fill the empty, Adebayor-less hours?

Frankly, the Fiver refuses to consider it and even thinks it's a
slightly tasteless suggestion in these rich times when Adebayor
sprouts from every surface, ripe Adebayors crush themselves on your
tongue when you open your mouth to speak - about Adebayor - and when
even Lord Ferg spends the build-up to Sunday's Manchester derby
talking about Adebayor (who won't be playing) rather than Carlos
Tevez and his white crochet hat. "I am not bothered whether [Carlos
Tevez and his white crochet hat] plays or not," Ferguson said today.
"Adebayor is their star player, there is no question about that," he
continued, before not adding: "He is well lush. We are all Adebayor.
Adebayor is all of us."

And happily for all of us the man himself is still out there giving
his own uniquely Adebayor view of Adebayorgate. "There were players
from Arsenal who refused to shake my hand," goaded Adebayor. "For
them to act like that was a disgrace. My friends, like [Emmanuel]
Eboue, were fine with me. They are decent people." But wait. What's
this? "I am very, very happy the FA has given Emmanuel Adebayor a
three-game ban," the totally fine-with-it Emmanuel Eboue raged
separately today. "I am very disappointed about it, very
disappointed. We have not spoken since."

And there you have it, a rumbling Manu-on-Manu feud that's still
skirling around tomorrow's Adebayor-free
diving/stamping/goading-ridden 4-4 draw at Old Trafford. At which
point it almost goes against the Adebayor-ordered universe to mention
that Ferg also called City "arrogant and c0cky" and said he hated
Liverpool slightly more than them, which is for, some reason, rude.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"There was a mishap. There were no fisticuffs. There was a bit of a
contretemps and that is unfortunate" - Martin O'Neill responds to
reports of an Aston Villa training-ground bust-up

EVERYBODY LOVES GIGI

Steaua Bucharest owner and chairman George 'Gigi' Becali has once
again let his boundless ego out of its reinforced armoured strongbox,
sacking coach Cristiano Bergodi for not letting him deliver a
half-time team-talk during yesterday's 0-0 Big Vase draw against
Moldova's Sheriff Tiraspol. "I wanted to give [the] boys a signal to
wake up but Bergodi humiliated me," sobbed the famously hands-off
Becali. "I will not be insulted and humiliated. Bergodi would have
been sacked even if we had won 5-0. I cannot and will not work any
more with this man, who has offended me."

Instead, Becali went and phoned up former coach Mihai Stoichita at 3am
this morning and made him the club's seventh manager (well, the
sixth, but Marius Lacatus had two goes) in two years. That run began
when local legend Gheorghe Hagi resigned after Becali tried to
influence his team selection. "I could not stand him," Hagi fumed.
"It felt like I was being tortured. Steaua is in my heart but he will
destroy the players and when he does that, he will destroy the club,
you just watch."

Becali, inevitably, countered, in an interview that Bergodi would well
have done with reading at some point. "I am giving my money to this
club and people must listen to me and do exactly what I say," he
roared. "If I say that I do not want to see one of the players in the
team then the coach must respect my decision. He is my employee and
must do what I ask."

You may at this point be stroking your chin and saying "Hmm ... Becali
... Bucharest ... rings some bells". And that would be because
earlier this year you probably read - OK, you almost certainly
didn't, but it's a good yarn and we're going to repeat it anyway -
about the theft of his Mercedes limousine. Once the criminals
realised whose car they had taken, they returned it (cleaned) and
with a full tank of petrol. This was not enough to quench Becali's
raging thirst for vengeance, and he is alleged to have kidnapped them
at gunpoint - with the aid of six bodyguards - and taken them to a
remote location where they were "harmed". Becali, whose far-right
views and detention in prison for most of the campaign did not stop
him being elected as an MEP in June, appeared in court last week to
deny the charges.

Maybe the Glazers aren't so bad after all, eh