Putting My Soul Through The Wire

A Poet's Existence

2009-11-13T11:30:00.000-08:00

Ever since francisco balagtas met with my imagination
we started a conversation of art and creativity
and how wour community was born and bred for this art form
datus, and proliteriats alike we got hella stories to tell
expressing the division of our close knit tribes
this pen like the blood of those before me run deep, run sacred.
and us poets tell the folklore of our ascendants
you need us to tell stories of your semi-slanted life through semi-slanted lenses
to proliferate mind, body, and soul gifting you complex and new crossed sensations
making you taste the words that roll off my tongue
hear the colors of a Pacific sunset
see how hearts beat when they're in love
we the poetically gifted share these experiences that we know too well
with you, your partner and that space that you leave between
and you need me to tell you stories
other people can't seem to sing
cuz it gets jazz syncopated and simply put you cant emulate it
its complicated
but we're a different breed from an acoustic set and a beatbox
we live for the excitement when yall scream, shout, snap
and get up off your ass like your seat's hot.

but please stay away from the art if you twistin it
you aint teachin it
you aint livin it
or you just too damn shy to speak it

this right here homie. this right here.
its called true to the art
one hit of hit transverses your cereberal cortex through your espohogus and into your heart
and before you know it your switchin your game up like a nintendo pressing restart
then you become an addict thinkin you'll hustle it and get far
so you double up like you tryin to get on an ark
but if you aint up on it, you still wont know it.
and your bad breakup poems become just that- bad breakup poems
it gets convuluted and lost without knowing its essence
we still must honor the past presence in order to move on
but still dont get me wrong this club
isn't invitation only its dont forget the times when what we do was just a fetus club
and you front like you dont need us now but when you start crying and feenin a hug
maybe not from me but one of the greats like
Ella, Louie, Egdar Allen Poe, Emerson and Cummings

now look to the left and feel it inside
great poetry writers come few in our lives
so to the few writers in attendance this one's for you
i tip my hat and yall have a piece of my heart
and you already know we needed you from the start
and you still have my respect even when you had your poems that sounded like this.
that sounded like this
that sounded like this
cuz we are the folks that do, could, would, should not dance & or sing
but become mediums with the stories that you do, could, would, should not bring
to life

thank you.

Moderus Operandi

2009-11-10T01:29:00.000-08:00

Today was actually was one of those days I felt energetic and good goin in the later part of my day. I'm not really tunnel visioned, but those few days in the Bay really felt good. [Eventhough I do wish I saw more of my folks while I was up] Towards the end I got scared and ready to leave because familiar feelings started to stir in my heart but that's another story for me to tell. I just have this weird internal dialectic with the city of Saint Francis. I feel refreshed mentally though especially with the comfort food. Lucky Chances, Mitchells, Boogaloos cannot beat it. Just missed a trip to Bi-Rite and any other spot y'all (Jp, Mary, Ster..) haven't taken me to yet.

Although I was dreading coming back, SD's obligations started to tap me on the shoulder like this (0:40)

ERRRRRRRRRRRWIN.

yomp, but surprisingly it felt good to be back. ~~I might have added some kembot in my walk.~~ I could even feel the bounce in my step. The crazy stress that was surmounting over the last few weeks kinda melted into me handling my shit one task at a time. (Though, I do realize I need to be multitasking and focusing on everything) Since I'm back I feel more focused to handle life and the platter that comes with. So I'm going to list the things that need to be handled...

WINTER CHECKLIST
[_] Solidify plans after graduating. AA in FIDM SF? Teach English Abroad? MBA? MFA? BS job, Write, R/D?
[_] Write Write Write (creatively entailing possible screenplays, poetry, columns?)
[_] B's in 3/4 of my classes
[_] Organizing my room. Getting bookcase for past text books & vinyl toys.
[_] Watch more movies & read more lit.

& thats my M.O.

til the next time
erwin

without words

2009-11-07T11:12:00.000-08:00

dont think just because im not writing blogs, i dont got thoughts. been hella busy, thats all.

dk about the writing part tho. see you in a few?

just a quickie
win

Venting.

2009-10-19T01:06:00.000-07:00

I remember this time 6 years ago most of the weekend nights were spent driving with the homies all over Mira Mesa/Northside. It was cold, I remember that. But I do remember most of the things that happened were just venting sessions. Stupid hs drama that we all went through. & I personally was okay with sharing my frustrations about my xgf drama and events that unfolded under my eyes that winter. I remember that one night I found about x & the homie gettin together, and man that was the craziest temper tantrum I had for the next 4 years.

Those moments with the big nosed boys are irreplacable and all especially now since I don't tend to vent to anybody esp when it comes to my women problems. I don't care about any other situations so I'm very willing to talk about those struggles. (yanno, the usual 'wtf do i do with myself post college', 'fuck my job', 'this person needs to stfu' situations) Its just my women problems I haven't really tackled or willing to tackle with anybody. Know I love yall and shit, but theres a buncha blocks that keep me from spilling my heart.

So basically I keep my women problems close & under key now. Much like this guy:

til the next time
erwin

Lack of Blogging

2009-10-18T02:37:00.000-07:00

Across the board I noticed we all fell off. We as in referring to the close homies' blogging network. Coolkids, terminally-ill, capinator, myself, raf. I mean I don't know where every single person is at in their lives where they can have the time to blog and I mean theres a downside to twitter. I've had this problem when I was first hooked, cuz I ran out of shit to just blog about. But I am aware of the limit of 140 characters and how it stifles the amount of shit I just want to say.

Let me tell you a story though, I was taking a homie to his house the other nighit and he discussed his own personal dilemmas he is undertaking underneath everything. I thought about it and how much subtext occurs in everyone's own daily lives. Then I guess tonight it made more sense when the homegirl Kristine said she didnt have anything to write about. So I guess across the board we're all a few things,

I. we're just too busy. handling grades and school so we can graduate ASAP. writing out blogs are merely just time consuming and time spent somewhere else.

IIa. we honestly don't have problems to talk about. some of us are happy with our lives and not really complaining about jack shit.

IIb. we do have problems, but we're too conscious of what we are gonna say.

III. twitter and status updates killed your posts.

theres nothing else to say but just let it marinate.

til the next time
erwin

Demons vs Ghosts

2009-10-04T11:30:00.000-07:00

The difference between the two, you can always excise demons. (through writing, cleansing, other methods unknown to me). Ghosts are events, people and emotions we associate with that seem to linger around for an overextended period of time. Ghosts are the demons that cant be excised and still reappear for a min.

just a ~~quickie~~ thought

win

Days be gettin long

2009-10-04T02:11:00.001-07:00

Days are just rough, too long, stressful, tired, hungry.
And sometimes before I sleep i think "What would he/she/they advise?"
But when before I can figure it out, the alarm rings and another 18 hour day begins.

just a quickie
win

over it. (II)

2009-09-26T12:20:00.000-07:00

refer to this, for the original post.

i havent touched this subject in a year and havent really given a definitive answer of HOW the process goes and how to trick yourself into believing your over that person. I did say getting over it is impossible, but thing is I did get over it. Am I looking for something to fill that void? -- Not really. A companion, kasama, partner, girlfriend who I can get along with. Let's handle that void situation towards the end of this post, but let's break down how I did this process called "How to Get Over It"

Its just a process like grief

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance

You deny its not over, your angry at yourself/them, you try to think of ways of bargaining with higher powers so ex comes back, and finally you accept that its done. Its always mind over matter. I honestly don't know how each time I did it. I think it somehow starts with shutting out people in your life.

Shutting out; They wanted to leave, so... why not do the same?Out of sight, out of mind. When they leave, don't pay attention to them. Its just as basic as not seeing their mys/facebook/twitter. Taking them off your lists and shit.

Don't let them hold power over you.; They could be your biggest weakness, but its always your call to. Also do not be afraid of being an asshole. Take back the power you gave them, and just say no. That means kawawa faces. If you give them leverage in a post break up situation, they'll find a way to use.

Surrounded by good people; Always surround yourself with good people. People I know could/would do anything to get my smile back and just be happy. I love my friends I got right now, cuz I got a handful of people that will have my back regardless and look out for my best interests. Always have that one friend who will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear.

Positive energy; Always hopeful and looking towards better days. I felt like shit a lot during those days, but the real hard part is when you're by yourself. If you got the discipline to not call/text/IM and be productive, in praxis it should work. Even to acknowledge you'll get through this helps a bit. Its about accepting everything and having the collective strength of yourself& network to know this shit'll pass. Be wary of wishful thinking though.-- If you think your gonna get back together your still mindfucked and your only hindering your progress.

Things aren't the same way when it comes to reality; Fetishization of your former partner -- Its dope in your head, but in reality they're wack as fuck now. You can not put that person on a pedestal; which relates back to reclaiming your power

_{Im still saying this is a process, but there aren't any steps. Its just tips I thought about after the fact.}

So let's get back to this void...Yah I did say getting over someone is impossible esp when you did love them. You don't know of this void until your 1st breakup. You feel super shitty after you break up and want to reconcile because they "fit". Over time we have lapses in judgment to fill that void (read: rebounds, wack partners, jump-offs), just because having our void filled made us so comfortable.

I know it isn't a strength, but the void is temporal and spatial. Lovers come and go. That's why you'll always remember your first love, and the X's you hate. There's a piece from them we hold onto. The pain and the joys they once give are stored here because we want to remember what those feelings felt like when the single life gets too much for you. Time and spaces are compressed because an entire relationship can whiz by you in the middle of class. The point here is also YOU CHOOSE TO HOLD ON TO YOUR PAIN AND JOYS. Its never their choice. Its your choice.

But what I didn't factor in this discussion was growth. Its impossible if you're stuck in neutral. If you haven't separated yourself from the situation and haven't grown/progress, you want the comfort of the old days. And when you find someone new they are a reflection of where you are in the process.

Same type -> Obviously you're frontin
Different type -> You're on your way.

The more you hold onto them in your void without growth it becomes a negative, emo-ass, situation. You constantly feel like shit because they don't love you anymore. Maybe they moved on, maybe they're frontin but don't want to revert to the bullshit yall went through. Someone once told me, PAIN+LOVE = GROWTH. Obviously in a post-break up time line, your hurting looking for love (romantic & platonic). Emphasize the platonic. See: Surround yourself with good people.

So if all that void talk got you lost and confused lemme just break it down here:

Maybe that void on the inside of yourself is just canvas. Something can be easily painted over and whited walled out. It might be impossible cuz we're fighting our willingness to paint over something we thought was beautiful. We don't want the colors of our 'void' to run, watered down and to disappear. We like it the way it is, all tattered and faded, because of its beauty. Its our reluctance to let go of it that makes this void bleak. The more we hold on to the canvas, it gets tattered and the canvas definitely needs to be painted over. But we want a piece that looks like it even though it comes with a different style, demeanor, color palette. Its only when wisdom shines inside of you that you can realize that your artistic tastes have changed, and you want something completely different.

til the next time
erwin

Qtr-Life Crisis

2009-09-09T12:48:00.000-07:00

I started the quintessential quarter life crisis in my Daly City room 3-4 years ago. I was anxious about the steps after college and how I would pay off debt (credit card bills), have some kind of health coverage, and have a stable income with the degree I was pursuing [B.A in Cinema SFSU]. 19 years old, tripping about traffic on the LIFE-80. This is how I talked myself outta the stress: I'm a sophomore in college, I don't know when I'm gonna get out so just enjoy the journey and let things go. Graduation is quite awhile away with how things were goin. Problems, Shelved.

After meeting with my undergraduate adviser yesterday, changing my emphasis to critical studies, graduation actually has a date (walk in Spring 10, actual degree by either Summer 10 or Fall 10), causing me to open the cabinet with my shelved quarter life crisis.

I have some options like teach English overseas or somn with education, RD full time, radio, write, film critic. But some of those options don't satisfy my internal need to be stable. The 9-5 type, dumb down shit, not utilizing my degree-workplace. It is comforting to have a steady paycheck and some healthcare coverage, but I'm practical and it is likely those paths wouldn't stimulate my creative personality/aura. SO yet again I'm fucked because I, like most people who graduate from college, want to be happy with their career(s) post college.

fucked.

til the next time
erwin

How I'm Dealing With 56 & That One Import Tuner Model

2009-09-06T13:51:00.001-07:00

I'd probably be more of an ass, if I were to bash on Tila Nguyen. Honest- If she somehow managed to be brought up in conversation you'd catch me goin off on how much of a sellout she is on 2 factors: Asian American & Queer P.O.C. And somewhere along that talk I would bring up her "golden days" in the import scene when every 13 year old dude (me too) was buying up Import Tuner mags.

Well everytime I see her flat-face on TV or in some type of news, I'd get heated again and the cycle would continue. -- This time I'm not really heated. I'm pissed I missed the train on the 'Post Ripping Tila Apart' post. Cuz If I do it now, that's just insensitive. Domestic violence is real talk. [Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd it also brings up the whole issue of domestic violence programs being cut in the state of California along with our upper-ed system] As much as I hate this _____ , I can't ignore the allegations. Ms. Nguyen is 5ft nothing and less than 100lbs. ALL my xgfs could beat the shit outta her, so Merriman is in the wrong. I personally wouldn't want Merriman or his look-alike to choke the shit outta me: On the sports side of it, BIG distraction to my team.Its just a bad situation to begin with, and the Chargers drafting Larry English starts to look prophetic. That's your bad Shawne Merriman. Oh yeah lemme post something to get at your nerves.

Me: @shawnemerriman dude yer gettin too hollywood. u better be making up for it in 09.

His Reponse:
Yomp. Who looks like prophetic now Shawne? Me & AJ Smith. I love my 3-4 defense and I love my team, but WTF 56?! ugh, your jersey has now been tarnished like Vick's. Take a seat with Chris Brown on the "I-hit-celebrity-women-that-could-be-my-partner" Bench.

til the next time
erwin

Random, but happy with it.

2009-09-02T11:37:00.001-07:00

if you haven't seen it yet..

just a video
erwin

2009-08-31T23:51:00.000-07:00

Today during my Adv. Screenwriting class we were discussing humanity's need for storytelling and its importance to everybody. At one point we were discussing the film, Casa Blanca with Humphrey Bogart, there was a subtle line in film where all the adults understood but went over the heads of the kids. My professor then said:

"Great writing and great movies will tell you what someone wants without deliberately saying it."

Which mirrors real-life because most of the time no one will be upfront with what they want. They're more likely to walk around it. Then something was said that struck me and kinda turned on a light bulb which brings me to that weekly question.

What do you want the most in your life?
^{I'm aware of the whole honesty thing and playing my cards here. But let's just say right now I'll be the dealer in the game of blackjack(21). I'm gonna show at least one card here.}

I'm gonna give you a list of what I feel is the important things in my life that I want.

B.S TV, Film.
Move [again]
To figure out life's workings
Be published
R.D to be a household name

There's no apparent hierarchy, everything is true, and there is one item that I want the most out of all those but which item most out of the others? I am putting in elements of detective work here, only because I still need to be a bit cryptic.

til the next time
erwin

Oh That's Easy.

2009-08-25T01:24:00.000-07:00

I decided from now on I will dedicate one day of the week to ponder over a question and give my response to it. So this week imma attempt to explain a question that is relevant in my life and maybe to yours.

Question: How do you date someone after a model?

Oh that's easy, personality. If person is seriously not in the same solar system as you, then you will get over it super quick. Its like if you are the earth and your whole clique is in the vicinity (Moon, Mars, Venus) and everyone else is like the remaining objects in your solar system (minus Pluto), but model person is a Kupier Belt object or Pluto with a random ass orbit. It would be suuuuuper easy to dismiss person despite the obvious physical attractiveness.

Models are people too, if you can't connect then you can't connect. The only thing you miss out on is physical relations with someone who takes photoshoots on the daily. But otherwise its not a big deal its still dating in your 20s.

As for people who might not see themselves dating a model or the type in the future, you're going to have partners who are more attractive or less attractive than previous partners. Of course its how you handle their personality and if they certainly vibe with you.

What I'm saying is that, personality will override someone's looks most of the time. (don't know percentages). Looks will fade, personality resonates.

questions welcome:
edot@rdapparel.org // twitter.com/erwinism

til the next time
erwin

I have a bad feeling about this.

2009-08-24T11:15:00.000-07:00

just a ~~quickie~~ video
win

What are you doing?

2009-08-23T13:04:00.000-07:00

You don't realize it til I guess later in adolescence, didnt hit me til college, but when "What are you doing?" (or any variant) is asked there are multiple reasons and levels of understanding. I'll start by talking from a GUY-GUY HETERO perspective.

Homie 1: Yo what u up to?
Homie 2: Nothing, wassup.
Homie 1: Down to kick it later?// Ay can I get my PS3 controller back?
Homie 2: yeah.

Pretty much homie 1 wants to kick it or get somn from homie 2. Its easy to decode the homie because well he's your homie for a reason and you should know when someone wants to spend time or somn. Its the easiest "what u up to?" situation you will encounter because it is what it is. Note: this ~~could~~ should also apply to the down homegirl who's been down since y'all were in 4th grade GATE classes. Well at least if your hella tyte with your homegirl.. Soo that's how I see it most of the time, but sometimes when I'm asked the same question by a female depending on relationship there's obviously a different levels, let's explore..

GUY-WOMAN (GUY HOLLER, WOMAN NOT HAVIN IT)
Guy: What are you doing?
Woman: Nothingg..
Guy: Wanna kick it?
Woman: Actually I gotta pick up my sister from the airport later.

This is hard to see because this requires sniper vision to realize she's not interested especially if you're a dumb dude. If you continually ask to kick it, and denies you. Then walk away b.

GUY-WOMAN (GUY HOLLER, WOMAN FEELN IT)
Guy: What u doin later?
Woman: Nothing really
Guy: Down to kick it or like get coffee or somn?
Woman: Yeah, just let me know what time.

In this one, you're obviously doing somn right.

GUY-WOMAN (WOMAN HOLLER, GUY NOT INTERESTED)
Woman: What u up to?
Guy: Nothing, just @ home.
Woman: Ic. Did you wanna get lunch sometime?
Guy: Um depends, got a lot of shit to do. Just let me know.

Jigga knows not to respond, and he will ninja the fuck out of this situation. Ladies-- sometimes dudes are too nice ***SHOCK*** and will beat around a bush in telling you they're not interested. Some dudes just want to keep their options open when it comes to their female situation. SMH (ya i know)

GUY-WOMAN (WOMAN HOLLER, GUY INTERESTED)
Woman: What are you doin?
Guy: Nothing. You?
Woman: Pretty much the same, bored.
Guy: ooh did you want to kick it?
Woman: Yeah sure.

Read explanation to the other one that works..

Don't use this as a guide or gauge of whatever you have with your relationships, because this mofo doesn't know everything and maybe doesn't even know anything at all. This, like other dating experiences, are just things I see. I'm just callin it how I see it. Leave comments/Like/Dislike.

til the next time
erwin

Re: Feelings

2009-08-22T13:58:00.000-07:00

I told myself that everything just goes back to what I was doing a week ago.
Duplicate situations I played out for months at a time.
School, Work, Kick It, Creativity
The community
Cuz its biggest strength is my personal weakness
A sigh comes up like a burp
interrupting and instigating, pushing the agenda
of thoughts kept within crevices
wedged between lungs
that seem to excuse itself each time
I get the urgency to breathe
I'm telling my self it'll be okay and its business as usual when the sun comes up
-- Yeah, right. You know and I know I'm frontin like a motherfucker
Listening to Procussions_Leave Her Alone
just to ease the transition
of being caught up in my feelings in a very delicate situation
So from now til later don't mind me if you catch me staring
or spacing out cuz im just daydreamin
with my head stuck in my own set of clouds
searching for the sun to bless me with a smile.

Pokerface

2009-08-21T01:33:00.000-07:00

Dealt 9-10 ♠ suited
Pre-flop raise on the table.
I called.
Flop
K♥ 8♠ 2♣

I pretty much paid to see the flop.

just a quickie
win

Words That Need to be Striked

2009-08-20T12:42:00.000-07:00

I remember watching Mos Def's "If I were president" viral video and he did note something very interesting.

"100 years moratorium for the follow phrases: In the club, that's hot, that's sick, droppin it like its hot, dippin it low, and of course.. shorty. I think if we don't say shorty for the next 100 years...I don't know how its gonna help things but I'm sure-- certain that it will."
-- Mighty Mos Def, MC

I know there are some words and phrases in daily/casual conversation that make me go..

So here they are:

Bling(-Bling)
Ice; if you're using this phrase in your 20s and not referring to drugs, but referring to jewelry. you need to be shot on sight.
Shortaaaay (or any variation of it)
Swag(ger)
Back it up
Dropped it
That's what she said; like wazzup. its past its prime, you'll do fine without the phrase. i love the office, but leave it to Steve Carrell plz.
No homo; obviously your homophobic and trippin the fuck out if you continue to use this phrase. Yes, even you Kanye.

til the next time
erwin

Honesty

2009-08-18T00:06:00.001-07:00

I know I told some folks that I'd come up with a 'funny' posts, but this one seemed more immediate to talk about. I'll get to it..

In my 8+ years of writing blogs there was one thing I always prided on myself and it was honesty. I'd always be willing to share the inner workings of my mind through most situations. I didn't really know who read my posts because my audience I assumed were invisible, unfamiliar no-name faces. So thats who I always wrote to. Until my friends would speak up about something I wrote, and their emotional response to it. Then I kinda figured who I was talking to.

That's where it kinda got 'spicy' (for lack of a better word). People were reading my shit and it kinda challenged me if I should continue being honest about my life experiences. I always took blogging as the online equivalent to writing in your journal, so how would that effect me?

So, honesty.

I've never been afraid to be honest with my readership because its apart of who I am. Just [striving to be] an honest person. Of course there will be things that I need to leave out, for minute details and I don't want everybody to come up and talk to me about some really awkward situations I was trying to work out, and not be prepared. Even now with some of the shit written in the past (06-08) I'm not fully prepared with handling those topics in person. (not every single one just some)

The thing about honesty though, it kinda fucks my game up, because well... I keep my cards close and not really blurt out every single detail that works out in my head cuz its just how the dating world works in your 20s, especially when networks are small and word spreads quick. ~~If I say something about person a, then person b will say something to person a, and then they'll tell their friends and then your fucked.~~ For example:

Me: This is how I feel about Female A, blah blah, she cool, blah blah, i like her, blah blah. Good Nite.
Reader/Friend 1: Oh shit did he just say blah blah blah blah.
Friend 1 to Female A: Hey did you read Erwin's blog?
Female A: no...
Friend 1 to Female A: Well....
*** time pass***
Me: Female A told me about my blog. I'm fucked Good Nite.

but yah its just how it works, i donno. bottomline for ADD readers:

I'm gonna try to be as honest as possible because its who I am.
Eventhough 100% chance females in dating pool will read.
Cuz thats how it works in small networks & the net.

til the next time
erwin

Playing It Close

2009-08-13T12:08:00.000-07:00

I would blog and talk about how I'm feeling about current thought processes (processi?), hence the title & subtitle of this blog, [see above] but I kinda don't want to show my hand and or assume somethings.

For a few reasons really,

Don't want to assume. If its completely 100% off then I'll feel like a dumbass.
Its too early for me to even assume anything.

So honestly for now, I'm setting up my openings.

Everything happens for a reason

-- honestly i don't really know, or care

You raise? I'll call...

til the next time

erwin

Childhood Loses Again

2009-08-09T02:38:00.000-07:00

fucked again. wasted $10 and below are reasons why my childhood gets fucked over:

c-grade effects, was not believable
cobra commander's identity & mask. argh
baroness. sienna miller was stunning [obv], but acting sucked. backstory to baroness failed miserably
overall acting performances of actors. dennis quade you failed me.
cobra just sucked.
picture below↓↓

theres nothing i can say, but cobra commander was one of my favorite bad guys, so i really gotta let him have the last word on this subject...

til the next time

erwin

Super Ceded the Cool

2009-08-06T14:42:00.000-07:00

I tried so hard to be cool

overruled some friends to be with the kids that were

honestly popular for no reason

you know, their 7th grade yearbook picture actually came out decent

and other kids thought they were "ZOMG Cute"

and asked you if you knew them

so middle school popularity was based on if you knew this person

and in high school it was more of the same

same cliques

same rules

if you dont act, think, dress like me then you must be confused

you need to take a seat with them

oh wait heres your "L" too. -mentality

i was always daydreamin before lupe came along

about gundams and intergalactic journeys

a la cowboy bebop and star wars before it influenced vinyl toys

I paid more attention to the soundtrack of the 90s

and listened closely to beats that matched my outer space dreams

but thats all they were, never said never told

I was concerned about being outcasted typecasted into an

all familiar setting set by the new breakfast club

i hated myself for talking too much about anime

not aired on cartoon network

thinking i gotta change

this deviant culture loving thinking is actually kinda strage.

concerned about when will i ever get laid.

if im with the same kids ownin an xbox gettin their only source of play

so i had to be an onion peel or like a 20 sided die.

to others i was just that dude rocking gear from anchor blue

who seemed okay and normal to talk to

hella friendly and a different kinda cool

got along with the popular kids and those set on naboo

id still keep my imagination to myself and my lame blog

before everyone and their moms got a blog

i was still writing out my visions of distorted realities

anime and OVA liminalities.

and playing the first sequel ever in final fantasies

seeing Yoda on the big screen with crazy agility

got me sayin in the theatre that there was no way

and having trouble deciding to either pick up the new usher or princess mononoke

but random outbursts of my imagination would seep

and baffle the mainstream crowds

and get looks and jaw dropped mouths

and W T F faces.

and thats when i switched around and turned about face

just so the kids could find me normal

but before i knew it i graduated

no more running with the "cool crowd"

not really closet geekin as I blatantly blast

FINAL FANTASY VII is the best game ever made

and in this post high school life really got me confused

tix sold out for comic con

waiting in line for game consoles w/o the popular kids or Gs pointing at us laughing for waiting days

similar disgusts at lame zerg rushes from fellow peers

the inner feelings I kept to myself have flipped

where it has somewhat become the new cool

kids running around with tight jeans reading my old blogs

about how they relate to my high school experiences too

and they chessin with their partner

all while rocking a clean hundreds tee posted in their myspace

I x out that box and figure this new found popularity will cede to a new

these multi layered personalities who play sports, dance

and get good grade will have to step down and the hierarchy will change

but you know what? thats high school anyways.

ill start by putting this to rest

i did what i did, and ill do what it takes to be myself

and overcoming that popular status from school

i might be whats in now, but im already over it

since i super ceded the cool.

SIgns You Should Drop Your Partner

2009-08-06T12:39:00.000-07:00

This list is meant to be a reference to your own life so don't take it too literally.

100% of your friends can not co-sign your partner. (98% of said friends only would co-sign under the "if they make you happy" clause)
They front like they're teh shit but cannot live up to their own self-proclaimed hype. e.g. Drake.
When you argue, they use the same argument and can not come up with a new reason to fight
They consistently refer to the past and how things were better for them e.g. Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite.
They take advantage of your weakness too many times e.g. Water Pokemon vs Fire Pokemon
Y'all broke up more than 2x... in the same month
They consistently lie like a crackhead
Your homies constantly question why you're still with them e.g. Goku & ChiChi
When your make up sex is better than regular sex// or when regular sex is practically make up sex
When you can't tell the difference from break up sex and make up sex
Opposite sex friends don't exist in your world
They clown on your minimum wage job
Fighting>Laughs&Smiles

just a ~~quickie~~ list

win

Sticking To My Guns

2009-08-03T23:42:00.000-07:00

This topic has been floating around in my my head for some weeks, but never got the chance or inspiration to talk about. Since it has been a couple of days since a decent post, I thought write this topic out.

Breaking Up and the Aftermath.

-- yes I am sticking to what I know best.

^{just like James Bond with martinis, pp7s, and women.}

A good friend of mine went through their 5^th+ breakup (with the same person) and really took it hard. Currently at the moment, I really don't know where they stand with their significant other, but I just know its a bad situation. It took me back to my post breakup situations with significant female partners-- Messy. Seeing each other in various contexts during the postmortem of your official relationship. Which has brought me to the conclusion that, just like the intro to a relationship, there's a slow exit that is very subtle to see.

I could be wrong, I'm only speaking from personal experience with long term relationships. With casual shit its more steep towards the end. I just find it interesting if you find yourself in an unhealthy* relationship then thats how shit just goes. No matter what someone's taking a L at the end of it. Don't get me wrong I maintain some kind of a relationship to both significant female partners and have much love and respect for both of them, but the "actual-friends-from-being-lovers" is another subject to tackle.

-- Deflecting attn from me to current..

Its no longer my business why they shouldn't be in that relationship anymore, cuz if they're gonna learn the hard way, they're gonna learn the hard way. An "oh-well-im-gonna-do-my-own-thing" type shit. But before I bounce out this subject, take this simple graph made by So@24.

credit goes to So@24.

My friend's partner is on the "Hello Lector" side of the scale, and I think I'm going easy on that person.

*= _{Unhealthy in the sense that both of yall put in the same effort and work, and share a mutual respect for each other.}

til the next time

erwin

Adventures in Cashiering

2009-07-28T09:23:00.000-07:00

Its not really adventures ~~when you've been there and done that and nothing really phases me~~ just random things I encounter during a Cashier shift (Albertsons & Current employment).

Condoms and KY. Let's be real, I noticed every time I've rung up condoms &sensual products I feel awkward. Cuz that person is obviously having sex while I'm not and subconsciously I feel they're almost taunting me. That's true for previous job when older folks be buying them (40+) too. Like,

Customer: Hey I'm buying this pack of condoms because I'm having sex.

Me: That's obvious.

Customer: Why are you not having sex?

Me:

Me: Your total is $XX.XX

eh moving on.

That One Kid Who Wants Their Toy Hella Bad. &starts crying/whining like a mofo, just cuz its on the conveyor belt.

Yup.

That One Girl/Boy You Thought Was Cute Comes To Your Line. Wherever you work your gonna get some eye candy in your place of occupation and if your not salty then you wouldn't try to hit on that person. ~~Sometimes I think if its opposite if you think the cashier is cute, would you go to that line?~~ On second thought, I would just want my shit and peace. So cancel that.

Your Homie Comes Into Your Line After Said Cutie. And they ask about/make remark about said person in your line. Then ask what your up to, then proceed to ask what your up to after you get off, and offer to kick it sometime. I personally haven't experienced this at current occupation, but it has happened at Albertsons.

The Last 15 Mins Of My Shift, I Kinda Dont Give a FK. It could be the best/worst day of work, but when I know its almost clocking out time I feel a little bit better about myself. The rudest/dirtiest/whackest person can come in and give me a hella hard time about everything, it won't matter because I'm not gonna be at the job until the next day.

til the next time

erwin