We are Sooner Bound!

Our first goodbye

2009-07-16T10:32:00.003-05:00

Today we said goodbye to the staff at the fertility clinic we've been going to since last summer. They have seen a lot of me (no inappropriate pun intended) over the last year. And I (and my checkcard) have definately seen them more than I wanted to. But today was my last visit. I didn't even get to see my doctor because he was in the OR. I just went in for my last lupron depot injection and that was it. They gave me a copy of my charts (that I hope I never have to show anyone) and said I am on my own now. The nurse told me that the medicine from this last injection should stay in my body for about 3 months, so I guess I will be hot-flashing and gaining weight until Thanksgiving. I will have a lot to be thankful for when they stop, that's for sure. So as we said goodbye, I felt a tinge of sadness. Not because I'm going to miss the treatments and shots, but because I had hoped that when we left the clinic for good, it would be because we had a successful pregnancy and no longer needed their services. But unfortunately we are leaving as empty-handed as we were when began this journey. Our checkbook is a lot emptier, but not as much as our hearts.

I planned on ending this post with those sad words, but hopefully that is not the end of the story. We have some hope that the combination of the lap surgery and these injections will destroy the endometriosis that is plaguing my body and preventing me from conceiving. I know the Lord has good things in store for us.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23

Real Simple for $5

2009-07-15T13:38:00.002-05:00

Right now, on Amazon (dot) com, you can get a one year subscription to Real Simple magazine for $5! Click here. I have no idea if there are any strings attached, but I bought it anyway! I told Bobby and he said, "get it" and I did. I love this magazine.

When it rains, it pours

2009-07-14T08:46:00.013-05:00

I just wish it would start raining money.

So you all know now that we bought a house. Well, we are under contract to buy house. Same thing. (Sort of.) Regardless, we made a decision that will cost us a LOT of money in the very near future. Then two days later I got a letter in the mail that my insurance is not covering all the costs of my surgery I had in April. So there is $5,000 we have to pay. Then a few days later we get another bill for $1800 for the same surgery. (we are contesting it by the way.) And then yesterday we took our car in to the dealer and found out that it needs 2 new tires, alignment, and something else, which will cost nearly $400. That's just super.

But don't worry about us, we'll be fine.

Let's talk about the new house for a minute. You know, the one that we don't really own yet, but that I'm acting like we do.

Since I still can't post any more pictures, I thought I'd give you a list of some of the features of it that I like most:

it has a nice sized "great" room - the living room, dining area, and kitchen are all connected. I'm thinking that maybe we'll be better at cleaning up our kitchen & dishes in a more timely fashion because we can still be in the same room as everyone else (and the tv) while we're doing it. Currently we just put it off because we are in a rush to get to the living room, which is on the opposite side of the house.
the location. the house is less than a mile from I-35, just across the highway from a super target (how many people have I told that to already!?!?), about 4 miles from OU, 15-20 minutes from downtown OKC, and 30 minutes from Bobby's parents. More specifically, it is on a culdesac in a newer (but not brand new) neighborhood and all the houses look very nice & clean. We liked it better than others we saw because all the houses do not look alike, it's not a cookie-cutter neighborhood. And the houses aren't mushrooms! (that's what I call all the new developments around OKC because they all look the same and have these huge roofs because of the attics, and that's all you see is roof, so I call them mushrooms.) I don't mean to offend anyone who might live in one of these houses, they're really nice, and if we stay in the area, I'm sure we might end up in one of those eventually. But for now, I'm happy to be in one that's a little less fungus-looking. ha!
there is a bow window in the master bedroom and I know the kitties will love laying there while looking outside wondering where all the little ground moles that they used to kill are. sorry kits, the ground here is clay, those little guys can't dig in that.
there is big, giant mirror in the dining room so you can watch yourself eat. oh wait, no, that is one of the features that I hate and hope that it will be gone by the time we move in.
the backyard, oh, I love the backyard, but you know that and already got to see a picture of it. I envision lots of parties and barbeques back there. oh athertonites, please come visit us!

That's all for now. Come back later for more!

We got house #2!

2009-07-12T13:32:00.003-05:00

After going back and forth several times with negotiations, we have agreed to terms with the sellers of house #2. We received the contract with their signatures on it last night and faxed it back to our realtor this morning. Yippee! Now we just have to wait for the inspection and appraisal, and if all goes as planned, closing should be on August 17th and we will move in on August 25th. I wish I could show you all pictures of the house, but since it's not officially ours yet, I probably shouldn't. But... I'll give you one sneak peak of my favorite part of the house... the backyard.

That's not the entire backyard, but the picture does show the beautiful trees and shade that is back there. You know, in Oklahoma, trees are hard to come by. Coming from Pennsylvania, I need me some trees to feel "at home." The shade will be really nice too, and the cats will enjoy climbing them, I'm sure. This picture also shows the nice tall fence that we're hoping will keep the cats in... ha!

House #2

2009-07-10T09:28:00.003-05:00

well, we have decided to move on and try house #2 (meaning our second choice.) at first I didn't think I would be able to survive not living in house #1, but after several hours of mental games (picturing myself living in house #2), I have made up my mind that I would love living there. the house is in really good condition and has hardwood floors and a great backyard. It just needs some paint (ok, a LOT of paint. in every room.) and new flooring in the bedrooms, and it will be more "my" style. #1 still isn't completely off the table, but since the seller's bottom line seems to be the same as her listing price, we decided to check out our other options. I am at a place now where I would love living in either house, and that is a really good place to be (emotionally.) we've submitted our offer to house #2 and we're waiting to see what they come back with. I am just so ready to know where we are going to live.

in case any of you are wondering how I am doing health-wise, well, I just ordered my third injection of LupronDepot yesterday and will get it next thursday. the menopause symptoms have kicked in BIG time and I have hot flashes all day long, and have been getting lots of headaches. other than that, I don't have too much else to report, symptom-wise. I was supposed to have a repeat HSG next monday, but I am going to cancel that. I have two reasons. The first is, if I am having it just to see if the Lupron is working, then what's the point? This is the last thing we are doing (IF treatment-wise). If it's not working, then my only other option is IVF, which we are not considering at this moment. If it is working, then great! But we're hoping we'll just figure it out on our own in a couple months... :) Second reason, no insurance coverage and it costs about $2K. And I just found out this week that my insurance is only covering a small portion of my lap surgery I had done in April. So we have to pay $5K out of pocket. Super. And when you're changing jobs and buying a new house, that is really bad news. So there you have it.

House Hunting

2009-07-06T14:43:00.011-05:00

Finally my dream of going on my very own house hunt came true last week. I am hopelessly addicted to HGTV and especially the show Hou se Hunters. I watch it all the time. And I love to not only critique the houses, but the house hunters. Usually the women are so mean. They seem to find fault in every house. Ugh, I hate the carpet. Ugh, the paint on the walls is hideous. Ohmygosh, I can't stand those countertops. And I sit at home yelling at them because they are being so superficial and unreasonable. You can get new carpet, you can paint the walls, and you can replace the countertops. Duh! I tell them to just look at all the good things about the house. Check out those windows or look how big those closets are!

Well...

I am so glad I wasn't being filmed last week.

Oh so quickly I heard myself saying all those mean things too. And I just couldn't help myself! We saw some really ugly houses.

But we saw some great ones too.

In fact, we saw a total of 19 houses. In one day.

Our poor realtor.

If you've watched the show, you know that they see a lot of houses, but they are narrowed down to their favorite three. Coincidentally (or not) at the end of the (extremely long & hot, yet fun) day, we had narrowed the 19 down to our three favorites as well. So we went back and saw them again the next day.

After a really hard decision, we chose to make an offer on one of them. I don't know how much time lapses on the show between the time they pick 3 favorites and when they decide on one, but that decision is a LOT harder in real life than it looks on TV. I know, shocking, huh? In fact, I am still slightly questioning the decision. I really hate buyer's remorse.

We met with our realtor (the awesome Rachel) late Thursday night - she drafted the contract, we signed a bunch of papers. After much deliberation we agreed on an offer and then the call was made to the seller. Long story short, unfortunately we are still in negotiations.

Here we are at the realty office signing our life away. Actually, no we're not, but it felt like it. haha

Beginning the paper-signing process.

Sign & date here.

Bobby was much more calm & collected. At least on the outside...

And, here... we... go...

2009-06-29T08:33:00.007-05:00

This is not exactly the announcement I was hoping to make on my blog. (most of you know what I mean by that.) In fact, this is really far off base and unrelated, but it is an exciting one nonetheless.

We are moving to Oklahoma.

Wow, I said it.

Bobby has been offered a church planting apprenticeship through the Southwest Church Planting Network, and so for the next two years, he will work alongside Rev Mike Biggs at Christ the King Church (PCA) in Norman, Oklahoma as their Assistant Pastor. (was that a long enough sentence?) The job begins September 1st, which means we will move sometime in late August, which puts us in Oklahoma just in time for my sister-in-law, Mindy's, wedding on August 29th. Good timing! We are leaving tonight to drive out there to look for a house. We have two days to find one. (please pray!)

Bobby told our session last week and we told the youth group last night. The second announcement was much harder. Almost as hard as telling my parents! We have become so attached to the kids and their families, that really makes it hard to leave... But we have already started to pray that God will send our replacement to Greene Valley quickly and the new guy will minister & care for them well and that they will love him (and hopefully his wife.)

As hard as it will be to leave our church family here and move a million miles away from my family (and everything I'm familiar with), we're both really excited for this new opportunity and to see what the Lord has in store for us where the wind comes sweeping down the plains.

Do I have to start ending all my posts now with Boomer Sooner?!?

Two of My Favorite Things

2009-06-24T14:00:00.000-05:00

Recently I was wasting time on You*Tube and came across a video that combines two of my favorite things... Friends and Brad Paisley. I love this song and I love all of these clips. Kuddos to the person who wasted even more time making this collage so that I could enjoy it and share it with you.

My husband went to Disney World and all I got was a (yummy) soft pretzel from Philadelphia

2009-06-22T13:53:00.010-05:00

Is that the longest blog title you've ever seen or what? In fact, I think it's not just long, it's quite clever. Even clever enough to make a t-shirt out of it.

I love the internet.

Last week was our denomination's week long business meeting - the PCA's General Assembly - and it was held in Disney World, Orlando, Florida. Bobby has wanted to go to one of these since he joined the PCA back in 2001/2 and his dreams finally came true. He had a magical time. We were fortunate that our church paid for him & our senior pastor to go, but unfortunately the wives (which also includes the church secretary) had to stay home. But no fear, we joined forces and had a truly wonderful girl's week (rather than stay at our house alone all week, I stayed in the manse, next door to my place of employment. And even though we weren't in Disney, it was still magical.)

I bet whoever made this didn't know two pastors were staying in that room. haha

I have heard that most of the week consisted of committee meetings, committee reports, overtures, seminars, book tables, eating, mingling, friends & hot weather. But he had a break one afternoon and drove a few miles off the compound to go visit my sweet great-grandmother. She is 97! This made my heart melt that my husband who has only met Tillie three times would go out of his way to visit her. Look how sweet she is.

So how did I end up with a pretzel from Philadelphia you ask?

Well....

Bobby & Keith's flight was scheduled to leave Disney, I mean, Orlando, at 7:00 am on Friday. They had rented a car so they had to get up at 4:30 to get ready, return it, and be at the airport on time. Well, apparently a slew of little things kept going wrong (missed a turn, couldn't find the gas station, misplaced the keys, etc) so by the time they got to the airport, they were short on time, but made it. Then Bobby realized that he had left our camera (our blessed camera that contained that adorable picture of my sweet great-grandmother!) in the rental car. Oh no! So he had the rental car shuttle take him back to the car to get it and by the time he made it back to the airport, he missed the flight by a mere 3 minutes. He called me around 7:15 to tell me this, but I was still asleep (we must have been on the same forgetful, absent-minded wavelength because I had turned my alarm off and fallen back asleep. oops) and did not understand what he was saying and truly thought he was joking or I was dreaming. Unfortunately that was not the case.

At this point, I have to give a shout-out to Southwest for being the greatest airline on the face of the earth because they rebooked him on the next available flight, which included an extra leg (thus the trip to Philadelphia) and they didn't charge him extra. And his luggage stayed with him. By the time he reached Philly I was awake and alert, and when he called me he was starting to feel a little guilty about causing an extra 60 minute commute to the airport, so when he saw those yummy pretzels in the airport, he picked me up some. That guy knows my love language because as annoyed as I was on my way up to the airport, once I tasted those pretzels, my temper make a quick change. Oh, yeah, and I was super happy to see him too!

They looked a lot like this:

But tasted like this:

(that's supposed to be Heaven. haha)

Party Like It's 1996

2009-06-05T08:41:00.013-05:00

Not since the year I graduated high school have I been invited to so many graduation parties in one summer. It is June 5th and we have already partaken in 6 graduation celebrations. 6! First we had Bobby's commencement ceremony at WVU, then this past weekend we attended our local high school's commencement because 6 of the graduates go to our church. That's a lot considering the class size is only 64. But out of those 6, 2 were very faithful attenders of our youth group, so we just had to be there to their high school journey end. We are so proud of them and are going to miss them terribly! Then the next day (Saturday) we went to one of their graduation parties. It was at her uncle's house, I think, and they had a pond, bonfire, bbq, and cornhole. It was really nice. I love going to graduation parties and looking through all the photos of them "through the years." One thing we think is so awesome is that a group of our kids all grew up together in the church, so every party we go to we see pictures of them at VBS, children's choir, Sunday school, etc. What a great testimony to the Lord! So anyway, the next day we had a little "celebration" for all the graduates in church, followed by a picnic hosted by Bobby & I for all the graduates and their families, then we were off to another graduation party! Whew. Do you know how much picnic food & graduation cake I ate last weekend? A lot. And that was just the first round... we still have four more grad parties (that I know of) to go to. Funny how these things happen - all at once.

Here a couple pics from our picnic under our church pavilion. Bobby and I made the most adorable little "graduation caps" and I couldn't wait to show you all, but we didn't get a good picture of them. :( You can just barely see them in the picture below... they are the little chocolate blobs on the white platter near the pop bottles. See them? We still have most of the supplies that we used to make them, so I think I'll make another batch so I can post them here. They are that cute!

More food!

And to prove to you that we take pictures of things other than food, here are some people!

Judgment Belongs to God

2009-06-03T09:37:00.000-05:00

I have to keep reminding myself of that to keep from celebrating and being happy for what happened to Dr. George Tiller on Sunday. In case you haven't heard of him, Dr Tiller, also known as "Tiller the Baby Killer" was the director of a women's health clinic in Wichita, KS which performed late term abortions. I can't even bear to type the description of what that involves, so I'll just refer you to the wikipedia entry here to see the hideousness for yourself. But since that isn't bad enough, you must read this entry also. Even more gruesome is the fact that he prefered a method called dioxin injection, which was a 3 day process where he would poison the baby in utero and then induce labor. I've even read stories where healthy babies survived this poison, then were born, and no one knew what to do with them because now they had brain damage from the poison. Can you believe this is legal in this country?

My intentions are not for this to become a political blog, but the sorrow I feel when thinking about all those babies he killed is so tremendous, I just had to write about it. Folks, he killed 60,000 babies in his career. 60,000. That is more than the population of our entire county! In fact, it is 20,000 more than the population of our county.

So while there is now an end to the murders that this one man committed, his wife is mourning the loss of her husband, and we all know that while abortion is legal, this will continue. There are other baby killer doctors out there. A theme for my life lately has been, 'this isn't the way it's meant to be,' and it's not. God is the author of life and created these sweet innocent babies in the wombs of their mothers where it is supposed to be a safe place for them, not a place where poison should be injected and their brains be sucked out by doctors. Especially for someone who is trying so hard to do everything I can to have one of these sweet things in my belly, I mourn so deeply for those who have perished at the hands of this awful man. And I grieve for the many more who will follow at someone else's.

But again, a man has been murdered and that is not right. Who would I be if I said it was wrong for him to murder others and right for someone else to murder him (without trial & conviction)? Unfortunately he did undergo trial a few years ago and was acquitted. So obviously the change needs to come from the top down, and with our current administration, it does not look like that is going to happen anytime soon. So we need to just be in prayer for everyone involved and pray that God will be merciful upon those who are involved, because to be honest, I was quite sick to stomach the other night thinking about the wrath and judgment that Dr Tiller is facing currently, and you should be too.

Something other than "you know what"

2009-05-27T11:44:00.012-05:00

I don't really have anything to blog about, but I was sick of seeing the title of my last post at the top of the page. But since we're on that subject, I don't think my menopause symptoms have begun yet, but what happened last week was much worse. (I think.) Ugh, why did I bring this up? I don't really want to talk about THIS on my blog...

Let's just say that I lost a lot of blood that night and the next day. And the day after that. It was so bad at one point that I could hardly stand on my own, couldn't walk, couldn't drive, nothing. I was so weak. Then I started getting a lot of swelling in my ankles and couldn't even move my feet around. It was really terrifying. I made several calls to my doctor (some of which were not pleasant), a couple ideas were tossed around about how to stop it, but they all involved pumping my body full of even more hormones & pills, so I decided to just hope & pray that it stopped on it's own. And finally, it did. So now I'm waiting for what he calls, "The Crash." He guesses it will occur tomorrow and that is because it takes a week for the injection to kick in and when it does, all of your hormone levels surge and then crash. I really don't know exactly what that means, but it sure doesn't sound pleasant. I'll let you know when it happens.

Now onto "something other" than all that...

First, I'd like to say that I'm proud to be living in (near) a city of champions. Not only did the super duper Steelers win the NFL championship this year, now the Penguins (hockey) are headed to the NHL championship next week. So cool. And check out this huge sign that my cousin has in his yard.

I am all caught up on my shows now (which saddens me) except one (DH). There were quite a few good cliffhangers, but the shockingest ones of all were Grey's Anatomy (except I knew that Izzie & George were leaving the show and would therefore die, just not that way. 007?! Oh my!) and Private Practice (hello?!?!? that was totally gruesome!) Now I'm just waiting to see what happens over the summer. Not really into the Bachelorette, although I enjoy reading other people's recaps. Tonight I plan on watching the premiere of The Goode Family. I think it's totally awesome that finally being "green" isn't necessarily "cool." haha! Of course, though, I am not endorsing this show since I haven't seen it yet myself. You be the judge yourself. But speaking of judging, since it's a Mike Judge production, it should be funny. Hello, Office Space!

I think that's all I have for you today. Kind of slow week around here. You know, just sitting around waiting to crash and all.

Welcome to Menopause

2009-05-21T09:04:00.008-05:00

I mentioned a couple blog posts ago that I would soon be starting a treatment plan that would attempt to kill the remaining endometriosis that my doctor was not able to remove during my lap 4 weeks ago. The drug is called LupronDepot, a GnRH, and basically what it does is lower your estrogen levels, thus preventing or reducing growth of endometriosis, which my doctor believes is the cause of our IF. So what happens when the estrogen is removed from your body? Hot flashes, night sweats, weight gain, memory loss, insomnia, bone density loss (but not in the small amount I'm taking), etc. So when I got my first injection yesterday, Bobby said, "Welcome to menopause!" Gee, thanks.

I thought maybe I'd have a couple days before the symptoms really kicked in, but no. I had a miserable night last night. It started with some non-Lupron drama that caused anxiety and a much later bedtime than I had planned on. I lied awake until about 2-ish, fell asleep briefly and woke up with horrible horrible pain in my stomach & lower back. I even had to wake Bobby. With the help of two heating pads and more ibuprofen, I had a very restful sleep from 3:45 to 6:45. ugh. Wait, did I say restful? Make that restful and sweaty. Yes, the night sweats have begun already. Double ugh.

So it's going to be an interesting summer. I guess I should start preparing the people around me now to wear extra layers because I'll have the a/c on super high everywhere I go.

And it would be nice if I would start seeing results from The Shred sometime soon!!

Jillian, are you reading this?!?

Since I'll be forced to wear tank tops and shorts, or sundresses, everywhere I go for the next few months to keep cool, I had hoped to feel a little more "shredded" by now. We are planning on starting Level II tonight, so we'll see how that goes. Hopefully better than Level I.

** EDIT: I was so focused on the depressing part of starting this medicine that I forgot the really great part of the story.**

So when we first met with my doctor after my lap and he gave us his recommendations, which included this treatment, we asked the fated questions, "how much is this going to cost?" and "will my insurance cover this?" well, my RE's office has this saint of a person who is the financial counselor and she gave us the bad news, "This drug costs b/n $600 and $700 a month." Multiply that times 3 and you get a lot of money. Then she called my new insurance company and gave us the even worse news, "your insurance company does not cover injectibles of any kind." Shoot! So while we were already leary about taking this medication because of the side effects, now we were even more concerned because of the financial toll it would take on us. We asked around for some opinions and basically were told, "if you've come this far and now you finally have an answer and all it will take is this med for 3 months, do it!" As far as the cost, one advisor said, "some people blow that amount of money at one stop on a new tv, do it!" While I realize that $2000 is a lot of money, yet not at a the same time, we still weren't sure what to do.

And then the call came.

The saint at Dr T's office called and said that she just spoke with the Lupron drug rep and they have a patience assistance program to help pay for the treatment, all we had to do was apply for it. Holy moly! Here was the time line...

Dr visit Thursday, May 7th at 9:00 am to find out that the best treatment will cost $2K
Call from the saint about the program, May 7th at 4:00 pm
I called her back Friday, May 8th to ask her to send me the application.
Received application on Saturday, May 9th - she already had the info filled out on the form for me!
I had to add a little more personal information, then I mailed it to the drug company on Monday, May 11th.
Called drug company on Thursday, May 14th to make sure they had received my application. I was told that they had received it, I was approved, and they had already shipped out the medicine to my dr's office and they should receive it Friday, May 15th.

Can you believe that was so quick & easy?!?! And it's free! No strings attached. I just call them back when I want them to ship my next refill. Unbelievable!

Now we can go blow that extra $2K on a new tv! haha

Bobby Graduates... Again!

2009-05-18T10:51:00.013-05:00

Yesterday we celebrated another academic achievement in Bobby's life... he graduated from West Virginia University with a Masters in Arts degree in History! This was a degree that we didn't think was necessary because he already has a Masters degree. You see, two years ago, he graduated from Covenant Theological Seminary with a Masters of Divinity. What a momentous occassion that was! We couldn't wait to go to graduation and celebrate with all of our friends & neighbors and my family that came out for the event. While there were only 100+ graduates, commencement was held in a huge church building in St Louis, and it was packed. We were so excited and yet sad for yet another chapter in our life was over... but it was not an easy road, let me tell you. Four years is a long time and seminary is NOT cheap. But we were so glad we did it. And survived! He graduated and had hoped to move directly onto a PhD program. Well, that wasn't quite going to work out... because of his unaccredited Bachelor's Degree from an unnamed college, and because an M.Div. isn't considered a research degree (despite the fact that it is 108 credits!! hello, a Bachelors is 128!), no PhD programs would accept him. So... he had to complete another Masters. Ugh! Together we decided to go with the big public school route because he had never had any public school experience and thought it would be good. (I'm not sure why I'm giving you all this information, I really just started this post to show the parents the photos & video evidence!) So he applied to several schools and WVU we were bound.

While originally we thought that these past two years were going to be a waste, we were definately wrong. Since Bobby was able to get a GA, that saved us close to $30K in tuition, he got some really great "life-experience" working as an academic advisor, he thrived in his department and graduated with a 4.0 GPA, we got to live in southwest Pennsylvania near my family, and serve God in our church as secretary (me) and assistant Pastor (him).

Once again, having a family member as a full-time student is not easy. There are a lot of sacrifices to be made, on both parts. But we made it... again!

So here it is... the 140th Commencement at WVU.

All 1200 graduates on the floor of the Coliseum. And the answer is, it takes 3 hours to graduate 1200 students...

The Stage

Bobby - on the big screen! (somewhere in the upper left corner)

A video of him walking across the stage, receiving his diploma.

The graduate... with his second hood. Yes, we own both now... this one was a lot cheaper (free!)

A beautiful day outside to celebrate his graduation!

Log Cabin Living - the Guest Quarters

2009-05-14T08:44:00.017-05:00

For the past couple of weeks, I have been enjoying the "tour of homes" otherwise known as "show us where you live" on Kelly's Korner, a new blog I've been reading (click on the image above to go to her blog.) I really wanted to participate the first week, which was kitchens, but mine was way too messy and unorderly, so I skipped out. Week 2 was living rooms and I really should have entered because I do enjoy our living room, I think it's quite cozy, especially in the winter when we have a roaring fire, but I hesitated and by Friday afternoon, there were already 400 entries, so I skipped out again. Well, it's week 3 and this round is Guest Rooms. I thought it'd be a good place to begin participation because I think the bed especially in the guest room is really neat, and usually gets quite the reaction from visitors.

Ok, time for a quick background check for those of you who may be visiting my blog for the first time. We currently live in log cabin, on a 360 acre farm, with my aunt & uncle (they live in their own log house about 200 feet away.) We were invited to live here while Bobby is getting his master's degree at WVU, which is just 20+ minutes away. It's been an awesome opportunity, especially to live in such a cool house and to enjoy all the really fun animals (mostly dogs, horses, donkeys, cats, and pot-belly pig!)

Back to the tour... this house/cabin was originally built in the 18th and 19th centuries (it's actually 2 cabins put together) - of course we have all the modern day conveniences like running water (cold and hot!), central heat & a/c, and even electricity! haha!! But it still has the charm of a log cabin from the 17 & 1800's. Most of the furnishings in this house are not ours, so I really can't take any of the credit, that all goes to my aunt.

So without further ado, here is where you would stay if you came to visit us in southwestern Pennsylvania:

When we don't have any guests, this is what the bed normally looks like because of our kitties. I keep an afghan down to protect the pillows & comforter, then their bed that they like to sleep in together, and their Purr Pads, which they love!

Here is your lovely view of the pond from the guest bedroom window. So peaceful... even with the ducks, geese, and swans.

I took this picture to show you some of the antique decor in the house.

There are no closets in this house, so there are dressers and armoires like this one basically in every room. Did ya hear that? No closets OR cupboards of any kind. That's that charm I was talkin' about!

Here is where our guests bathe, and... the other thing. Actually this is where we bathe too. We only have a 1/2 bath in our master so we come over here to shower. Under the curtain is a claw foot tub.

Here is the other side of the bathroom. I tried really hard to not be in the picture!

This is technically our "second" guest bedroom. It's not really it's own room - it's in an area at the top of the steps that I call, The Parlor. I don't know why, I guess it's just because it looks like a sitting area. Beyond the daybed, there is a little desk & chair, a rocking chair, a dresser, and some more things that you'll see next...

For this picture, I'm sitting on the daybed to show you one of 4 fireplaces in this house. Since it's on the second floor and heat rises, we haven't used this one. That is why it is safe to keep Bobby's guitars in front of it.

These guys watch over you when you sleep in the day bed. :-)

Thru the window of this room, you can see the window to our bedroom. Neat, huh?!

So those are our guest rooms. Hope you enjoyed the tour!

Now, for something non-tour related...

As a quick follow-up to my last post. After reading the very meaningful comment by Natalie, I feel very convicted and shameful that my words were so selfish and self-centered. Don't we all do that when we're afflicted with something though? Nonetheless, childless women are not the only ones who pain on Mother's Day. I am very fortunate that I do still have my mother and could celebrate her on Sunday, but I know many who don't still have their mothers here on earth, and the day brings much sorrow to them as well. I am sorry that I didn't mention that in my little rant on Wednesday. The fact is, I didn't intend for any of that to be written, the words just flowed from my fingers, and I decided to leave it. I'm glad I did so that I could hear from several of you. Thank you for your words of compassion and sympathy. And Natalie is also right about it being Biblical to honor our mothers, but I think we can mostly agree that they "way" it is done in the modern church is just way too overboard. At least in the context that I've been accustomed to. I'm not saying that churches should altogether ignore the day, I'm just saying, be sensitive and loving to those who may not find the day enjoyable. Ok, I'm done now. :)

Mother & Daughter

2009-05-13T09:41:00.006-05:00

This isn't a post that will elaborate on Mother's Day, but I will say that after reading many blogs that reflect my similar feelings and situation, I think something needs to be done in the church. For those of us who equate pain with this holiday, the first thing that is thought of is, "ugh, I don't want to go to church today." And many people who are not parents skip church on this certain day in May. This isn't the way it's supposed to be, people! Church should be a place of refuge and security. A place where we people should not want to avoid because they are going to be reminded of their pain and have it rubbed in their face. Not a place where the highlight of the day is the oldest and youngest mothers get to stand up and be recognized. Anyone remember reading about that in your Bible?! I know people have good intentions, but there are major boundaries being crossed over (more like, destroyed) when Hallmark holidays (what Bobby likes to call them) are taking over our Lord's day celebration. Have your mother/daughter banquets on Friday night. Take your mom out to lunch on Sunday afternoon. But leave my worship time alone!

Ok, well, I wasn't planning to say all that, but I just sort of happened...

The point of this post is actually to show you two really cute sets of mothers & daughters.

The first is Halle (short for Hallelujah) - she belongs to my aunt & uncle (on the farm where we live) - and her daughter who was born very early on Mother's Day.

The baby is adorable, but don't get too attached. I was just informed that someone from Los Angeles already bought her.

The next is me & my mom. Not quite as little & leggy as Halle's daughter, but I know I do look a lot like my mother, like she does with hers.

Can't we have a 22 hour day, Jack?

2009-05-12T11:40:00.005-05:00

Some of you have already seen my facebook status today which states that I wish this season/day of 24 would have ended last night, making the 7th worst day of Jack Bauer's life only 22 hours long. This season has been fantastic, nail-biting, exciting, tense, just plain awesome. And last night's episode was no different. Bobby even got up and paced the room (like he often does) because it was so suspenseful. And despite being in the process of dying from the bioweapon he was infected by, Jack saved the world again.

And it should have ended there.

But nooooo, the writers/producers decided to bring Jack's dumb daughter, Kim, back this season and now once again the plot is all messed up because of her. I am not alone in disliking her, there are many a Kim-hating groups out there on The Internet. Just type "I hate Kim Bauer" into Google and see how many results you get. Ok, don't, that's a waste of time. I am actually tempted to just not watch the 2 hour finale next week and in my head remember that Jack saved the world, and imagine that Kim (or her daughter) cooperates in giving Jack the stem cells or whatever he needs to save his life. He lives and will be back next season to save us once again. Capiche?

Ok, there are other things going on in the world beyond the Hour of Bauer. Like, the 30 Day Shred for example.

We began it last night and it was rough. Jillian is a lot nicer on the DVD than in person (by which I mean, on The Biggest Loser.) But her workout is brutal! We started on Level 1 like we're supposed to, and the exercises weren't the worst I've ever done. But the getting on the floor, getting back up, getting back on the floor, then back up again, part is a killer! It goes like this: jumping jacks, pushups, run in place, situps, squats, more pushups, arm curls, situps, etc. In that order, with not a second in between. Whew. I am quite sore today, mostly in my arms because of the pushups. I would be sorer I'm sure had I not been doing a super-modified version (even more modified than what's-her-name does) because I'm still only 3 weeks post-surgery. Doing it again tonight will be tough, I'm quite sure of it.

One final note of business is the real reason I'm doing this workout. Not only is less-clothing season upon us, but I am still working off that extra weight that I received as a lovely parting gift from the Clomid & Femera, but my doctor just prescribed a new medication for me to start taking to destroy the remainder of the endometriosis that he could not get during my surgery. I'm still researching it before I start it because the side effects can be pretty awful, from what I've heard/read. It basically will take all the estrogen out of my body (which causes the endo to grow) so I will experience menopause symptoms. Sounds fun, doesn't it? And I'm sure weight gain is included, so I'm trying to get ahead of the game by shredding what excess I currently have. Make sense? Anyway, the medicine is called Lupron Depo. Anyone know anything about it? Been on it? Known anyone that's taken it?

The Shred Begins Tonight

2009-05-11T12:36:00.002-05:00

I've seen this mentioned on a bunch of blogs lately and decided to check it out. I am a nominal fan of The Biggest Loser, and not at all a fan of Jillian Michaels. She just flat out scares me. If I were on the show (and thank goodness I'm not and don't need to be!) I would not want her as my trainer. I love Bob and that other girl who is no longer on it, Kim. They seem nice. Jillian seems mean. So when I saw lots of people starting to talk about the 30 Day Shred, I thought, that sounds interesting, but I want no part in it because of Jillian. Well, I decided to give her a chance. And tonight will be Day 1 of The Shred. $14 and 20 minutes, I can handle that, right?!? Wish me luck!

Birthday, Baseball, and Betting

2009-05-04T11:33:00.018-05:00

We packed a lot into this past weekend, and I'm feeling it today.

The game was fun. Yeah, we had rain and the temperature dropped 20 degrees while we were there. And yeah, the Pirates' offense was horrible and they lost 4-0. But it's a baseball game, in Pittsburgh, with all-you-can-eat food! What's not fun about that?!

Here is Bobby coming back from one of his trips to the concession stand.

Together we consumed 2 hamburgers, 1 hot dog, 2 orders of nachos, 4 beverages, 2 bags of peanuts, and 1 ice cream sandwich. I think we calculated that all of that food would have been about $60, so we were really satisfied with ourselves, getting our money's worth.

And Phil Keoghan was there to throw out the first pitch. I guess he's on some sort of cross-country bike tour. Why would anyone do that??

Here I am at the end of the game... freezing and soaked, but still smiling!

The most ironic part of the night was that they gave out free umbrellas to everyone upon entrance into the stadium, but then when it started raining, we were told that we weren't allowed to use them. I understand the logic of not being able to use them - blocking views, poking people in the leg, arm or eye, etc - but then why give them to us!?!? Security finally gave in sometime in the 8th inning when it was pouring down sheets of rain and only 10% of occupancy in the stands. Gee, thanks.

Saturday was a day trip to Morgantown. Bobby worked at the university and I attempted to do some shopping while I waited. Boy I missed Walmart during my recovery. I also got to go on a little shopping spree at Old Navy thanks to my mom. I got this cute little dress, along with one of these little sweater shrugs. I know the website only shows pink, but the store had about 12 colors. I got black, but I wish I could have gotten one of each! I also got a pair of capris, a tank top, another cotton sundress, and this cute shirt in orange, even though I really wanted it in pink. I had hoped we could stay and eat dinner at our favorite restaurant, Cheddar's, but I was way too worn out and needed to go home and lay down.

After my siesta, we watched the Kentucky Derby. During the pre-race coverage, they told us the range of prices for the horses. One of them was purchased for $3.7 million! But then at the bottom of the list was one for $9,500. Big difference, huh? I was so amazed by this, I kept saying, I really want that horse to win. And, If I was betting, I'd bet on that horse. (the cheap one of course.) And guess which horse won?? Yep, the cheap one, at 50-1 odds. Ugh, I was mad. I mean, yay, I was so happy for him! After that, we finally watched Slumdog Millionaire. Wow, what a great movie! Bobby kept pacing because he said it was too tense. I just loved those little kids, they were so adorable.

Sunday was another very full day. We drove to Fairmont, WV because Bobby was asked to fill their pulpit and preach for them. (Their pastor just left recently. Or was let go, can't remember.) It was a nice service and they invited us to stay afterward and eat dinner with them. We declared that we could only stay as long as it took us to eat, b/c we needed to get going so we could get home, relax for a really short time, then run back out for youth group. Well, we ended up chatting and I think we were pretty much the last ones to leave. Oh well. It was a good time of fellowship. And food.

Then we were all surprised at youth group because one the girls brought the most wonderful treats for Bobby's birthday... a fiesta-themed cake and tacos (and all the fixings, even guacamole!!) So perfect for Bobby, and for almost being cinco de mayo. We were floored. Here is the awesome cake.

Happy Birthday Bobby!

2009-05-01T08:50:00.012-05:00

Today is my wonderful husband, Bobby's birthday. I love birthdays and think they should be a huge celebration, no matter what your age, but unfortunately this isn't going to be an exceptionally celebratory one for him since I just had my surgery a week ago and don't have much energy and strength yet to "go all out" like I wish I could. He says it's no big deal, and I partially believe him, but still, I feel bad. He did get to open a couple gifts last night (he has no patience, like his mother. ha!) and one from me this morning.

And the big birthday plans are tonight... we are going to the Pittsburgh Pirates baseball game! Well, we are going to attempt to go. It's pouring down rain right now. Bummer. (but at least they are giving away free umbrellas tonight!) I'm hoping that it will just get it all out this morning and be good to go tonight. He had a gift card, so we splurged and purchased the all-you-can-eat seats. Most of you may know that all-you-can-eat/buffet type places always make a fortune off of me because I can not usually eat much at one time. But ballpark food is different! Check this out. All the hot dogs, hamburgers, nachos, salads (uh, no thanks!), popcorn, peanuts, ice cream and soda (pop) you can handle! The funny part is the disclaimer: "a maximum of four of each item per trip." oh my! Not that we condone gluttony, but this is going to be fun!

Go here and wish him a happy birthday. I love this guy!

Pretty

2009-04-27T09:29:00.003-05:00

Look at these beautiful flowers my inlaws sent me. It really was a lovely surprise. Thank you Bob, Susie, & Mindy!

Today is day 3 of recovery and I'm feeling pretty good. I even sent my caretaker (mom) home a day early. My first full day home (Saturday) was rough and I was still in quite a bit of pain, but I took a huge jump from Saturday to Sunday, and I felt a lot better yesterday. And today I feel about the same as yesterday, but that's good. I have enough discomfort to keep me from doing too much, walking too quickly up & down the stairs, etc., but I only have to take a couple advil every 5 or so hours now - no more narcotics.

So the title of this blog is in reference to the flowers (above) and the weather here this (extended) weekend. We actually had to turn our air conditioning on Saturday. It's been in the 80's since Friday. It's 10:30 am now and it's already sunny and 80 degrees, with a high of 87 today. Yikes. I think the weather may take a change tomorrow, so maybe I will go back to work... I haven't decided yet. I think I'd prefer to wait until Wednesday because that's the day that Bobby also works at the church, so he can drive me, escort me up & down the stairs there, go to post office, keep my beverages refreshed at my desk, answer the phone for me... you know, all the essentials. The title "pretty" does not refer to any part of me, you can count on that. I did get a shower finally yesterday - it was surely the highlight of the day. But as for showering/shampooing today, I have to wait until Bobby gets home to do that because we have a claw foot tub, and to step in and out is tricky and I don't want to fall on the floor with only a couple of cats there. So for now, I'm glad we live out in the middle of nowhere so no one can see me.

Recovery

2009-04-25T13:07:00.004-05:00

Thank you all for your sweet comments, prayers and concerns. Yesterday's surgery went fine, I think... I don't quite remember what everyone told me while I was in recovery. It's so strange to be in one place (the OR), fall asleep, and then wake up in a different place (recovery room) a couple hours later and not have a clue what just happened. I know most people have been through similar situations, but it still blows my mind. Then nurses kept trying to get me to wake up and I couldn't. I honestly felt like I might never fully wake up, but of course I did. And then one of them kept scaring me because she said I kept getting paler and grayer, and she said something about not wanting to "lose me" like I was dying or something! Happy to hear that she just meant I almost passed out or threw up, which fortunately I did neither, but apparently came very close to doing both. I don't remember, I was asleep. I thought I dreamt that my doctor came in and was talking about his wife, but apparently that really happened. Still unsure what that was all about. Hopefully I'll find out when I go into see him for my follow-up appointment in a couple weeks. Which I may or may not have already scheduled.

After I finally started to feel more "alive," I was amazed at how ready I was to come home. And by ready, I mean, felt good enough to eat & drink and walk around on my own, within minutes of moving into the second recovery area. Maybe the time was longer, I really don't know, but it felt quick. I even recognized Bobby and my mom when they came into see me. So soon we were signing release forms and I was being rolled out of Ruby Memorial Hospital to come home. Bobby was super sweet and went to IHOP to get me an order of their super delicious Harvest Grain & Nut pancakes. Seriously, if you go there anytime soon, you have to get these - they're amazing. And they were just what I needed to eat with my next round of narcotics.

So at home we have been doing a little tv watching, backporch sitting, laundry (I'm just giving instructions), and hanging out with the animals. I had intended to be lazier and watch more tv, but my mom keeps insisting that I sit outside on a lawn chair and get fresh air & sun. I guess her idea is better... but I've missed a lot of tv shows lately that I really need to catch up on!

Because He Lives

2009-04-23T14:24:00.006-05:00

In light of yesterday's post about tomorrow's surgery, I thought I would post a song that has been running through my head since we sang it in church on Easter Sunday. It's a Gaither song, which typically I'm not super fond of, just because of the cheesiness and sometimes weak lyrics. (hope I didn't offend anyone with that...) But for some reason, this one just really got to me.

It's just a 4 line chorus - my commentary in italics.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. (yes, I can face the surgery tomorrow!)

Because He lives, all fear is gone. (I'm getting there...)

Because I know He holds the future. (He knows whether or not we'll be parents someday...)

And life is worth the living just because He lives. (sometimes I'm so upset about our current life situation that it almost feels like I can't go on... but I know that I am living for something, someONE bigger than me, bigger than my problems, bigger than this current world full of destruction and devastation. And it's the hope I have in Him, and knowing how much God loves me, that makes life worth living.)

*update: ok, so this was meant to be a serious post, but I'm in a weird mood right now. reread the lyrics again, with my commentary, and picture a christian band / worship leader on stage at church or at a concert, and after he sings each line, he pauses, with eyes closed, and says my words that I have in italics. so dramatic, huh?

Heavy & Nervous Heart

2009-04-22T20:11:00.009-05:00

Most of you, my faithful readers, know the heavy burden that has been placed on Bobby's & my life. It's my most hated word in the world... infertility. Just to give some new folks a quick update, we began our first attempt at becoming parents in early 2006 hoping for the sought-after "seminary graduation baby." I worked all 4 years while Bobby was in seminary and we decided that it was best for our family that I keep working and then when the end (graduation) finally neared, we were so excited when we could finally bring a child into our happy little family. (yes, unlike others I do think that husband & wife are a family, so we "started our family" on the day we got married.) Well, it didn't happen right away and we started getting a little anxious so I made an appointment with my doctor to start testing and before we got that far, I finally got pregnant. After 8 long months. (which seems like a drop in the pan now...) We got to experience a joy like I never felt before in my life (our lives.) I got to go to a baby shower that same day I found out and actually felt like I "fit in" with everyone else (even though no one knew at that point.) It was a couple weeks before Christmas so we told our immediate families and never felt prouder, but all along I felt anxious. Excited, but very nervous at the same time.

The joy ended a couple days later when I went for my first ultrasound and the technician told me that the baby was a couple weeks behind where it should be 5 1/2 weeks, rather than 7 1/2. She told me not to worry, but I knew. Bobby told me not to worry, but I knew. Everyone told me not to worry, but I knew. And within a week, it was over. We lost the baby. The greatest joy of my life turned into the greatest devastation I have ever felt.

Everyone tried to help by telling me that things would be ok... I got pregnant once, it will happen again.

It's been 2 1/2 years.

In that time, Bobby graduated, we moved to a new state, began new jobs, started over, began a new life, turned over a new leaf, all those meaningless expressions. Everyone said it would happen again. And yet it hasn't.

Fed up with everything, we finally gave into the idea of seeking medical help. We found a really good specialist back in late summer last year. We've tried all the easy options, and not so easy ones, mostly oral medications, a few nasty injections, a lot of ultrasounds, and a ton of money. A couple months ago I had a somewhat invasive test done and my doctor found some complications. We really don't know what they are exactly at this point, but hopefully we will get some more answers when I have a surgical procedure done this Friday. It's not major surgery, but I'm still quite nervous. Moreso with the possible outcomes than the actual procedure though. Afraid that I will get news that our chances are hopeless.

I know I shouldn't have this attitude. I know I'm still fairly young, and healthy, and have no real reason to give up hope at this point. Besides, remember, I still did get pregnant once. I should be able to do it again. Right? If only it were that easy.

In short, this has been the worst trial I have ever had to deal with in my life. I know that is a good sign that I've had a good life. And I have. I really have had a great life. Great family, loving parents, good friends along the way. Awesome husband. But this has been my greatest longing in life, and to not be able to have it has really brought a lot of devastation and heartbreak to both of us. I have not been open about this topic to most people - specifically our church and even on here (until now) and I'm not sure why. Probably because it's a stigma (there's something wrong with us) and because I can't ever seem to talk about the subject without crying. And partly denial. If I pretend it's not there, maybe it will go away?

It won't. No matter how hard I try to fill my life with other things, the void and sadness is always there. Being married to Bobby and caring for my critters bring me so much joy, but I can't help but know that I'm not giving all of myself to them (and everyone else.) I don't feel like a whole person. I want to be a mother. I should be a mother. And because I'm not, I don't feel like a whole person. I know the people around me suffer because of it. And for that I'm sorry.

If you made it to the end of this post, please pray for me on Friday. Not sure of the time yet, probably around noon. Thank you.

Could I be anymore tired?!

2009-04-20T11:25:00.004-05:00

We just got back from a really nice weekend in Oklahoma this morning. What? Did I just say morning? Yeppers. We left OKC at 5:15 pm CDT Sunday night and arrived in our house in Pennsylvania at 2:30 am EDT Monday morning. We didn't have any major problems at the airport like plane malfunctions or lost luggage, just one 30 minute delay after another, which eventually adds up to like, two hours. So while I knew we would get home late last night and we'd be tired today, I had no idea it would be this bad. So who do you pity more, me or Bobby? Well, Bobby had to get up at 6:30 this morning to be at work at 8 and after working I don't know, 7 or 8 hours, he has class tonight from 7-10. Yep, a 14 hour day. Pretty awful after getting 3+ hours of sleep. I, on the other hand, also deserve your pity because I just started with a head cold last night, while sitting around in the airport. Go figure! So my sleepy, heavy eyelids are even heavier because of the stuffiness in my head, combined with the meds I'm taking. Boy, I can't wait until 4:30 pm when I can get home and take a nap!