All About My Movies.

China, 2009.

2009-07-09T20:56:00.000+01:00

7 Things I like about my holiday in China?

07. Inner Mongolia
We spent three days travelling in Inner Mongolia, and my eyes were opened to a truly different way of life to the one I live. The people of Mongolia operate with the basic of technology, choosing to do most things by hand: hunt for their food, prepare their food, entertainment (singing and instruments seemed to be their main source of fun), and their light was provided by fires. I couldn't get used to most of the taste of their food - the lamb was really chewy and made me wanna chunder, but I really did admire the effort they made for their visitors. My brother and I hung about in the farm place for a day with the lambs and baby cows and they were so precious that we wanted to take one back to England with us!

06. Some of the food
Very precarious this one, as I don't like a lot of meat, and perversely, what little meat I do consume is always the most crudely cooked Macdonald's meal. 'Twas the same in China - the cheapest, crappest, most rudimentary meals tasted like heaven to me (sweet and sour chicken owns my life, k), whereas the big plates that the restaurants were famed for often left me wanting. Thankfully, everyone else was so busy devouring the poncy food that I didn't have to. The highlight of the various ailments I consumed over the 22 days in China? Why, that would be the cake platters of this buffet that me and the brother went to twice. Absolutely bungtastic. Needless to say, we stuffed our greedy faces.

05. Sightseeing
Despite my wariness at going to China, I do love to travel and see historical monuments, and China certainly has no shortage of those. When we stayed in Beijing we went to the Great Wall of China, and though I was a feeble git and collapsed of exhaustion after a
few flights of stairs, the views from the Wall were stunning, as was the Wall itself. We also visited a bunch of Chinese temples, and they were call, as well as the whole load of scenery we saw driving through Inner Mongolia.

04. Shopping
As a general rule, the things that I tend to find overpriced in England (everyday clothing, shoes, restaurant meals, pretty hair bobbles, earrings, haircuts, sparkly stuff) were dirty cheap in China. At least, they were after my mother had finished haggling with the shopowners, like. However, things like designer clothes and technology tended to cost even more in China than they would back home. This did not stop me from buying an adidas top, nike 3/4 lengths and adidas trainers in China, and in doing so, spending most of my holiday money.

03. Slowing down
On my third day of the holiday, I realized, being the genius that I am, that I'd left my iPod charger back at home. Shops didn't sell iPod chargers, which basically meant that all the many albums and episodes of Sex and the City and House that I'd spent so long downloading and uploading to the iPod had been for nothing. I was beyond pissed off initially, especially as in terms of books - my only other source of entertainment - I'd bought a grand total of three with me: Lolita, Girl with a Pearl Earring and The Go-Between three tried-and-tested favourites). However, it turned out not to be too bad; what with all the travelling, museums and art galleries we went to, meals and meeting of people that we did, I barely had a second free anyway. If you'd told me at the start of the holiday that I was to go three weeks without British telly, the internet and my iPod, I would have screamed, but I managed it, and in doing so, I had time to stop, pause and take in my surroundings, something I haven't done in a long, long time.

02. Being with the family
I stayed with my grandparents in Yang Ling for about a week. I love them a lot. I also saw my baby cousin Mo Do, who was too precious or words, as well as my only female cousin, Rei Rei, who pretty much took to copying my every move, much to the amusement of my brother. At my grandparents' house there wasn't enough room for all of us so I had to share a bed with Rei Rei at night, which obviously was far from ideal, especially as I'm big on personal space, but it wasn't too bad in the end. Everyone has to make allowances, I guess. I have a grand total of six cousins from my mum's side (two kids from each one of my mum's three siblings), and I love them all v. much.

01. Learning to appreciate what I've got
When all is said and done, this will be what I remember most about China, '09. I've always thought myself pretty thrift and try not to waste what I've got, but China, and the standard of living there reminded me of this further. people have the grimmiest, shittiest jobs there just to make ends mee. Unlike in Britain, there's no unemployment benefits and the way their corrupt government see it, if you're jobless, tough, sort it out yourself. So the streets of China are full of people sitting in the sweltering heat, offering their various services, often fruitlessly. It made me realise how utterly grateful I am to my mum and dad for uprooting me at the age of three and although I had a tough beginning in England, growing up on a council estate in a deprived area in London, the alternative would have been far far worse. Next year at University I am so gonna work my butt off, just thinking about my grass roots means it would dodge if I didn't.

And 3 Things I didn't...

03. The Roads
Every bunging time we got into a taxi I felt I should say my prayers. The roads in China are fast and furious and resolutely stop for nothing. People change lanes without indicating, change the direction they're driving in the middle of the road, adjust their sunglasses with both hands whilst driving and talk on the phone freely. I was utterly terrified every time I was in a car there, and if anything, I've been further put off learning to drive. To survive on the roads in China you need eyes on the back of your head, and most people weren't even using the eyes on the front.

02. Environment
I really, really, for all my efforts, could not adapt to this. Firstly, mosquitos developed a fierce thirst for my blood, and no matter how much repellant I bunged on or how tightly we closed the windows, every night, the determined buggers would find their way to my legs and bite. I accumulated a good 100 or so mosquito bites over my 22 days in China and would often wake up in the middle of the night, unable to go back to sleep due to their itchiness. It was hell. Another thing I hated was the sweltering heat. Bah. And lastly, the pollution. Much has been said of the gigantic carbon emissions China racks up anually, and their after-effects were really not good. In the most polluted parts, I could barely see where I walking. Sort it out, China.

01. Guileful peeps
On the whole, about 90% of the people I came across in China were Machiavellian, arsekissing little schemerrs. I know that sounds harsh and to be fair, with the government as corrupt as they are in China, one has no choice but to become a little sly for the sake of survival. This sad truth, however, shocked me. In my first week in China, I got conned god knows how many times because I was dumb enough to speak English in the presence of shopclerks, which triggers something in them to mark up the price of their items by 200% (in China, things don't have price labels so you can basically charge whatever for 'em), knowing I'm enough of a chump to pay that. There were a lot of people fawning of me and my family, behaving as if nothing was too much trouble for them, but rarely was it done out of the kindness of their heart. God, no. If they helped us out, they definitely expected something back, whether that be a place to stay in England, a good work, or most infuriatingly, for me to write their kids' personal statements come Uni application time. The amount of social climbing and flat-out fakeness pissed me off so much, especially as I've always been someone who likes to call a spade a spade and doesn't suffer fools gladly. Had I remarked about the sorry state of things in China, though, I would have been eaten alive. Thus, I had to sit in miserable silence as false compliments were being thrown all about the place. Bung had the last larf though - on our last dinner with a bunch of highflying accquaintances, I played the role of the docile, sweet-tongued Chinese girl with pious sincerity; only my bro detected the sarcastic relish running underneath.

The level of fakeness troubled me immensely but I suppose I do see why people felt they had to act. After all, a population of 1.3 billion and the worse government evar renders China a dog-eat-dog country. I suppose acting becomes second nature after a while. It didn't make what I saw pleasant, but I am somewhere towards understanding it.

All in all, an OK holiday. A feckload better than China 2006, but I think that's largely due to me; I was on my best behaviour this year. As you can tell, there's a lot that ticks me off about my home country and frankly, living there for the long term is out of the question. But I'm not disappointed I went, I definitely got a lot from it and some of the things I saw (ppl begging on the street with deformed children 'cos China doesn't have an NHS, blind people being kicked about) will definitely set me in good stead for any hardships I'm to endure in later life. But dear me, how good I feel to be back home, in England! ♥

Well, I'm off.

2009-06-17T14:46:00.001+01:00

China beckons. Hopefully I should still be blogging from there via
this magnificent thing that I've been introduced to called blogging
from your e-mail, but if not, then it's cos I'm too busy having fun.
See you, have a lovely time whilst I'm away and don't do anything I
wouldn't do!

I was still am such a gigantic bitch!

2009-06-16T09:29:00.002+01:00

I'm throwing out some old magazines, and wedged between the pages of one of my old Glamours is this horrible list that I wrote when I was in Sixth form: -

Now, 2-10 is pretty much standard (though I'd rank Tranaldo and Rooney much higher now), but #1 was the IT technician in my school. She had a degree in Engineering and a gigantic chip on her shoulder all the bunging time, resulting her coming across as a huge cow. She was also dead butch, hence her inclusion on the list of "ugliest men". Haha.

So very bunging cute!

2009-06-15T19:02:00.000+01:00

The Sunday Survey.

2009-06-14T11:11:00.003+01:00

01. If I'm going to fill my iPod with episodes of one TV show, which should it be and why?

02. What's your favourite pizza topping?

03. What are your thoughts on this photo?

04. What would you do if you had £80 million?

05. Which country do you think has the prettiest world flag?

I'm dead bored, so I'm open to any questions you want to ask me as well. I'll answer anything: favourite colour, Sex and the City episode, person at my University, worst thing I've ever done, etc.

How could you be so tuneless?

2009-06-13T17:39:00.001+01:00

Evidently, I can: -

Oh dear.

Too many lulz.

2009-06-12T17:07:00.002+01:00

I found yet another horrific script in my room today. Here's as far as I'm willing to share without cringing my face off: -

Ewwwwwwww. This is almost as bad as Synecdoche, New York was.

I also found a smug match report I wrote over a year ago.

Oh dear.

testing

2009-06-12T16:41:00.003+01:00

dfd

testing #2

2009-06-12T16:35:00.001+01:00

PBLBGL

Testing

2009-06-12T16:31:00.001+01:00

Poobalabegley.

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Things to do in China with very limited internet access (and no access to my laptop, blogger or a DVD player)...

2009-06-12T12:10:00.005+01:00

01. Listen to every single song on my iPod (I intend on having a massive uploading sesh this weekend and filling the 80 Gb to the brim with music and every episode of Sex and the City) and rate them out of ten.

02. Learn the lyrics in full to every single Kanye West song, for he is my messiah.

03. Write a book to read in a year's time and laugh at.

04. Write a film script to read in a year's time and laugh at.

05. The odd bit of sightseeing, I s'pose.

Right, what I might do is make one of my mates a contributor to this blog so I'll e-mail her my blog entries (that is, assuming China haven't banned hotmail too), and she can upload the entries for me. I hope Facebook works, 'cos I'll be uploading a tonne of photos. And... yeah. Three weeks in China, starting from next Wednesday. I'd be lying if I said I were excited.

Synecdoche, New York (Charlie Kauffman, 2008)

2009-06-11T10:42:00.000+01:00

Play director Caden Cotard (Philip Seymour Hoffman) is at somewhat of a moot point in his life. His wife Adele (played by Catherine Keener), whom despises him, and has taken their younger Olive with her as she heads to the German art scene. He has unresolved sexual tension with a range of other women, from psychologist Hope Davis to box office clerk Samantha Morton to one of the actresses he is directing, Michelle Williams. In addition to this, Caden seems to experiencing the whole spectrum of ailments, from eye infections to pustules emerging over his body. When he receives a prestigious directors’ accolade with an amount of funding, Caden sets out to direct a new play that is honest to life. The line between reality and art becomes increasingly more blurred as Caden gets older and older, thus leading to his play, and the film, becoming more and more convoluted.

It was extremely difficult to enjoy Synecdoche, New York. It started with Catherine Keener wiping the bottom of their on-screen daughter, inspecting the poo (which, incidentally, was green), and then playing around with the tissue for a good 20 seconds longer, which is not a bad summary for the quality of the film: shit. I like a thought-provoking drama as much as the next person, but there’s a different between provoking thought and provoking sheer “huh?”, and Synecdoche, New York falls firmly in the latter category. Charlie Kauffman clearly wants to depict a look into the inner psyche of an artist, but what we have instead is a sprawling, meandering collection of nonsensical vignettes. Take, for example, the burning house which Samantha Morton’s character purchases. Throughout, we receive no hints to the significance to it, and the audience just sat there in bemusement.

That said, the performances are, as expected, high-class. Philip Seymour Hoffman is nothing short of dedicated to his role and manages to bring a certain level of conviction to a poorly written role that most other actors would not have been able to carry off. Catherine Keener plays the part of Adele with appropriate cruelty, in what could only be a throwback to her role in Your Friends and Neighbours. Samantha Morton, and later, her “on-stage” counterpart Emily Watson, are a delight, and Michelle Williams’ role limits her to sitting pretty for most of the film, which she does so admirably. But to be honest, all the best performances in the world couldn’t redeem this piece of unadulterated, pretentious, self-indulgent tripe. Film critics around the world were fooled by its delusions of grandeur. Don’t be one of them.

Book Review: Sparkling Cyanide (Agatha Christie)

2009-06-09T19:52:00.002+01:00

My first read of the Summer.

It is nearly a year since the eventful birthday party of Rosemarie Barton, a beautiful but vapid socialite, after which, Rosemarie had seemingly committed suicide due to post-flu induced depression. A year on, however, things seem less black and white. The dead woman's sister finds evidence unearthing that quite a few people had cause to want Rosemarie dead. In writing a chapter from the point of view of all present at Rosemarie's birthday party, Christie retells the inner monologues of Iris, the younger sister, George Barton, Rosemarie's long-suffering husband, Ruth, the secretary of George, Anthony Browne, a dark and dashing but dangerous acquaintance of Rosemarie's, Steven Farraday, an ambitious up-and-coming politician whom Rosemarie was having an affair with, etc etc. Nobody is without a motive for wanting Rosemarie dead: Ruth was secretly in love with her employer and believed he deserved better, Sandra Farraday, Steven's wife, knew he was having an affair, Ruth stood to gain financially. Agatha Christie captures the inner psyche of all her characters so well, re-telling their stories from the grass roots and making us feel totally caught up with the story. George Barton goes a little gaga a year down the line and schemes to "recreate" the birthday party, and in doing so, he consumes cyanide and dies himself, treating us to a delicious double murder. That in itself is a little too preposterous (especially the explanation of how it is carried out), but as ever, trying to figure out who the guilty party is is absolutely enthralling. Top class from Christie as usual. :)

Dance in your pants, dance in your pants.

2009-06-09T15:22:00.000+01:00

Two goons, one photo.

2009-06-09T12:04:00.001+01:00

Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning on the set of "The Runaways". Should be a good 'un, if just to watch for the lol-inducing performances.

The Apprentice Finale.

2009-06-08T10:08:00.002+01:00

The last episode of this series. In the previous 11 weeks, we’ve had 13 firings, 7 of them male, 8 of them female, and a whole lot of confrontation. Now, it is an all-girl showdown between Yasmina Siadatan, restauranter, and Kate Walsh, Development Manager.

They wake up, are driven in separate cars to a meeting pint, wherein Sir Alan brings back eight previous fired members, and a hilarious game of picking teams ensue. I’m personally not fond of picking teams, as it brings back horrible memories of when we were picking rounders teams in Secondary School, and I was always selected last ‘cos everyone hated me. And for Rocky, who is the last man standing and looking very sullen, he must share my feeling. This is how the team-picking went:

Yasmina (who guessed tails, and it landed tails): Howard
Kate: Ben
Yasmina: Lorraine
Kate: Debra
Yasmina: James
Kate: Kim
Yasmina: Philip
And Kate gets Rocky.

It was quite interesting because the cameras kept showing a close-up of Philip, who was watching Kate expectantly, whereas Kate seemed to be looking anywhere but at him.

Onto the task, which, is to create and market their own box of chocolates. SirAlan reveals that the chocolate industry makes £3.5 billion a year, and Kate looks ecstatic to be given this task, whereas Yasmina stares straight ahead, concentrating.

Yasmina’s group (Empire) start out with the idea of a box of chocolates targeted at men, whereas Kate wants something sensual and naughty. Ben, who has clearly got sex on the mind, suggests having a threesome with your box of chocolates. The good ideas from Ben just keep rolling in, because he then suggests packing the chocolates in a 69 shape. Ha.

Yasmina believes the men’s chocs to be a tricky sell, and the idea really isn’t hitting off when they pitch it to some businessmen in London. Instead, they brainstorm names – Cocoa for Men, Shockolate, Cocoa Electric. Meanwhile, Kate takes some of her team to do some research in a supermarket. “Women have come to the supermarket for a bottle of wine and a night in,” she says, as she peruses the shelves and looks at prices, packaging, etc.

Philip also thinks that the men’s chocolate idea, so Empire change their theme. They’re keen on the “Cocoa Electric” name, so they go for chocolates with shocking new flavours.

In Kate’s team, Debra and Rocky are tasting the chocolates with famous chocolatier Paul Young. They’ve found some tastes that they are really keen on, with one setback – to sell said chocolate and make a profit, they’d have to price it at £13. Kate is unsure when she hears about this, but Debra promises the taste makes it worth it.

Now, onto naming Ignite’s chocolate. The name “Intimate” is floated about, but without a huge amount of keenness, as it sounds more like a brand of condoms than a decent chocolate box name. With seconds to go, Ignite go French – Choc D’Amour. Sounds a bit cheesy, but it’ll do.

Advert time! Kate and Kim direct their advert, which is boringly rigid to begin with. Kate suggests the idea of the woman in the ad tying up the man with his tie and smearing chocolate all over her mouth to add a bit of spice to it, to which a bemused Nick watches. Empire, meanwhile, have an ultra-cheesy advert wherein a group of hip-looking youngsters pretend to get electric shocks from their box of chocolates. Anything goes, I see.

When it’s time to make the pitches, the nerves start to get to Yasmina. She practices her pitch in front of Lorraine but its rife with stops and nervous breaks. Clearly, Yasmina is not in her element here. Kate, however, is, and her pitch goes swimmingly. The chocolates are clearly popular, evoking appreciative nods from the bigwigs in the audience, but a hushed murmur passes through when she mentions the £13 price tag. Then it’s Yasmina’s turn to make her pitch, and she does surprisingly well. Whilst she doesn’t seem as ease talking as Kate does, she keeps it going, and it’s soon all over.

Boardroom time. Sir Alan says what we were all thinking - £13 too much for Ignite’s product, whereas Empire’s product, whilst packaged well, the chocolates themselves are a bit stale. James, who has been rather quiet all episode, pipes up in the chocolates’ defence, saying that they didn’t have enough time to perfect the recipe, but, had they had the time, it would have tasted better.

The firees retreat, Sir Alan asks Kate and Yasmina to step outside, and broods over his decision. Finally, he asks them back in again. Kate, he worries, might only be good at selling and pitching, whereas Yasmina already owns her own business, and he fears holding her back from it. However, in the end, he makes his decision, and Sir Alan picks Yasmina. She is ecstatic, Kate is gutted, but composes herself well, and thus marks the end of the fifth series of The Apprentice.

I think that Kate should have won, personally. I never saw the point about her being "robotic" and I thought she was a very good all-rounder. That said, Yasmina did well over the series too, she dealt with big characters well and generally went about her business quietly. I still maintain Phil should have won, though, so I'm not unduly fussed. What I do know is that I won't be able to cope for 40 weeks without The Apprentice. I love this show, so much. It's amazing. And nearly a year without it. Gah.

Joan Allen is a Goddess.

2009-06-07T20:05:00.001+01:00

Har.

2009-06-07T14:57:00.001+01:00

The Sunday Survey.

2009-06-07T09:41:00.002+01:00

01. May - how was it for you?

02. Got any plans for the Summer?

03. How are you feeling right now?

04. What mobile phone do you have?

05. Have you ever used eBay? If so, is it any good?

Oh dear, Emma.

2009-06-06T16:29:00.003+01:00

I found yet another crudely drawn script from years back, this one ever the more embarrassing because I actually performed it in my school's Scriptwriters' Society Evening. It's really bad, rips off about a gazillion movies, and yeah, just plain sucks. Enjoy.

1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 5

All I seem to be listening to these days is Kanye West and M.I.A.

2009-06-05T19:09:00.004+01:00

So, I thought I'd branch out the bands and artists that I listened to. Recommend me any musicians you like that you don't think I've heard much of, and I shall try to listen to as much of their music as possible and report back.

(This is also so I can fill all 80 Gb on my iPod and preserve my sanity on my three week long holiday in China sans iPod.)

16th October can't come soon enough.

2009-06-05T14:20:00.000+01:00

Brief Thoughts on BB10 Launch Show.

2009-06-04T22:23:00.001+01:00

01. Freddie - don't really have an opinion really, aside from mild curiosity at his big house. Seems quite weird and posh, but both could easily be put on.

02. Lisa - lives up to the sterotypical lesbian, with a good deal of arrogance. Apparently she's turned lots of straight girls. I wouldn't go lez for that. No way.

03. Sophie - Everything that is wrong with this bunging world. She's shallow, self-absorbed, and her boobs couldn't be more fake. Eww.

04. Kris - nothing there really.

05. Noirin - she's absolutely in love with herself, but somehow, I don't actually dislike her that much. Something tells me there could be more to her behind that pretty face. That said, I'm just biased 'cos she has an Irish name. It was quite lol-tastical when she was booed.

(Sidenote - I loved the look on Sophie's face when someone else pretty entered the house. A catfight waiting to happen.)

06. Cairon - I love him! American Dizzee Rascal meets Soulja Boi, and he comes across as a bit of an egotistical goonbag, but then again so am I. I love.

07. Angel - A Russian boxing queen! Certainly an interesting introduction.

08. Karly - Oh dear. It's Sophie, but with smaller tits and Scottish. How many STDs are Channel 4 trying to bung into the house? Rightfully booed, the lil' hussy.

09. Marcus - Bung, he does look like Wolverine! Well, Wolverine crossed with Danny Boyle. He thinks he's cool. I think he's bizarre. "He once caught a pigeon with his bare hands!", coos Davina, but, if you think about it, that's not that amazing.

10. Beinazir - eh.

11. Sophia - they played Paper Planes over her intro

12. Rodrigo - I found him quite loveable and sweet. His penchant for checked shirts bodes well with me, as does his enthusiasm for our country. So cute, so pretty. Also, he shops in H&M.

13. Charlie - cuuute, in a Geordie kind of way. A bit obvious of Channel 4, to introduce him immediately after Rodrigo. But wouldn't it be quaint if they... ? Nah, it probably wouldn't be actually. Loving the look of disappointment on the blondes' faces once they discover he's gay.

14. Saffia - she isn't the most articulate of people but I do agree with what she says about how she doesn't enjoy bitching about people, but some people deserve to be bitched about. She seems blunt and brittle, should be interesting to see the dynamics between her and the bimbos.

15. Sree - LMFAO. Liking the UK is cool and that, but no need to wear a Union Jack top!

16. Siavash - booed, but loving it.

All in all, I wasn't won over by them on the whole, but seeing as I have nothing to do all Summer, I'll probably be watching this. Ah.

The choices we make.

2009-06-04T21:49:00.002+01:00

I came across this scrap of paper from 2005 -

It was when I was debating what DVDs to rent for my 15th birthday party. In the end, I went for The Motorcycle Diaries and I ♥ Huckabees, and those two choices are living proof that there is such thing as being a bit too sophisticated.

I should have gone for the last choice, Anchorman - we would have watched the film, adored it, and had a great ol' party, like my 13th birthday party, where we saw Legally Blonde, and all the girls loved it. Instead, my mates were bored through The Motorcycle Diaries and impatient with I ♥ Huckabees' pretension, and the ensuing birthday "party" was a miserable day.

Every other birthday party I'll ever have, I'm sticking to the trusted formula of Romantic Comedies.

Sadness and Nostalgia.

2009-06-04T20:54:00.002+01:00

Hearing of David Carradine (Bill in Kill Bill is his most prominent role)'s passing away makes me so sad, and the circumstances in which he was found dead makes it more devastating.

I was just going through some DT projects from year 9 today, and found this chocolate box for my own brand of chocolate - Reservoir Chocs - notice the Kill Bill-themed colour scheme I went for.

R.I.P David Carrdine.