Eavesdrop DC

Damn those trick questions.

2009-11-20T09:26:00.001-05:00

Northern Virginia:

Guy #1: So, you didn't get the job?
Guy #2: No, but now the CIA thinks I have sex with goats.

I bet it's the ones that sparkle.

2009-11-19T11:50:00.001-05:00

Overheard on a neighboring table in a Chili's in Crystal City...

Girl: "But are there gay vampires?"

Guy: "Sure. Probably about one in ten."

I 100% agree with this.

2009-11-16T16:25:00.002-05:00

An intense office conversation at the headquarters of a national intelligence agency, on popular culture:
"Elmo is the Jar-Jar Binks of Sesame Street."

Whatever, Richard

2009-11-13T10:58:00.002-05:00

Intern to group of interns: I had a teacher who called me a schmuck once. I didn't know what it meant, so I looked it up and went up to her and said, did you know that you just called me a penis?

-- McPherson Square

Yes and I'm on the value menu!

2009-11-06T13:55:00.001-05:00

On the Metro Halloween night.

Girl dressed as a crayon fanning herself sees at a guy dressed as a Taco Bell Fire sauce packet and noticed that both of their costumes were made of the same material. She looks at him and asked, "excuse me, but are you hot?"

Redskins and blueballs

2009-10-28T10:37:00.000-04:00

Setting: FedEx Field, 11:15-30ish PM, roughly 3 minutes remaining in the Redskins - Eagles Game. The Redskins have the ball and look like they may score.

Redskins Fan: "YEEEEEAAAAAAA! Let's go Redskins, they're like the horny drunk at the end of the night! Just take whatever you can get!"

And then the Skins fumble and the Eagles recover it.

You stay classy, State Department

2009-10-27T11:55:00.000-04:00

In the men's room at the State Department:

Man in stall, sitting on toilet, talking on cell phone:

"My friends and I are all about projecting an image as high class intellectuals, you know, like philosophers...."

End of statement obscured by the sound of a toilet flushing.

Trains are soooo cool.

2009-10-20T11:27:00.001-04:00

A gaggle of girls in their late teens are leaving Union Station, one says to the other: See I told you it wasn't an airport!

Krispy Kreme Marketing Scheme

2009-10-09T10:27:00.000-04:00

Man selling Krispy Kremes outside of Gallery Place/Chinatown Metro this morning:

"$5! Krispy Kreme donuts - 12 for $5! Share them with the ones you love! Share them with the ones you hate! $5"

T9's parents - not married!

2009-10-07T16:20:00.001-04:00

18th and Columbia NW:

Man: This makes me so angry! Predictive text won't let me write 'bastard.'

Woman: Yeah, it's like the people who invented it didn't want anybody to swear.

Is the tea hot hot hot? Or is it cold...

2009-10-06T10:08:00.000-04:00

Outside the Starbucks at Gelman Library on the GW Campus:

"I've never had hot green tea before... I don't recommend it."

There's no way they were talking about a US Senator...

2009-10-02T14:34:00.000-04:00

Outside Clyde's on M Street:

"Well, thank you, Mr. Senator! Y'all actually got shit done! I'm glad I voted for your white ass!"

Get that guy a record deal

2009-09-30T13:13:00.000-04:00

Rosslyn, near the corner of Wilson Blvd outside of a Starbucks:

Homeless man singing at the top of his lungs to the tune of Kings of Leon "Use Somebody" ...

Man: "You knowww that I could use some monneyyyyyyyy!!!"

My, how U Street has changed?

2009-09-23T10:21:00.001-04:00

Woman in her 30’s walking her pint size mini-dog while chatting on her cell phone to a friend. They were making plans for the evening, to attend a party.

Woman asked her friend, “Would I be overdressed in patent leather heels and tights?”

--1300 Block of U Street, north side in front of Alero

Ew, vomit. Wait. Sorry, unfortunate word choice.

2009-09-22T10:00:00.000-04:00

Overheard in Foggy Bottom near the GW library

Group of sorority girls talking about pledge week.

Girl 1: Look, that's her across the street! She's the one I want to be my little!

Girl 2: She looks anorexic.

Girl 1: I know, I love her.

Maybe because they're made of pepperoni

2009-09-21T10:04:00.001-04:00

Orange line, Metro Center:

Woman 1: Oh my god, I want to eat your shoes
Woman 2: Why does everyone keep saying that?

That's so deep for an ugly person

2009-09-18T16:49:00.000-04:00

Man and woman in Foggy Bottom:

Woman: I've never noticed...people in DC are actually really good dressers.

Man: They have to be. DC is just Hollywood for ugly people.

Woman: Huh?

Man: Yeah, that's all politics is - well-dressed ugly people.

And then Michael Bay blew it all up

2009-09-15T10:16:00.001-04:00

Overheard on M street in Georgetown. Group of high school students visiting DC on a school trip:

Girl 1: We're going to the hotel after this right?
Girl 2: Yeah, this is the last stop for the day... I don't see how this place is historical
Girl 1: They did shoot that one scene in Transformers, my all time faaaavorite movie, here.

How is the environmental movement on Uranus?

2009-09-14T14:36:00.001-04:00

One of those volunteers for Greenpeace: Hey, let me ask you a question: What's your favorite planet?
Girl walking in a hurry: Uranus

--M and Thomas Jefferson in Gtown

But I thought JC was my wingman

2009-09-08T10:58:00.001-04:00

Overheard in an Old Town Alexandria bar:

"You know Jesus is the ultimate cockblocker."

and with that . . . Happy Long Weekend!

2009-09-04T14:38:00.001-04:00

Not-so-busy cabbie watching passengers walk by at the Rockville Metro Sunday afternoon:

"It's a blessed day! A little hot, a little humid, a lot of tits-and-ass."

FAIL

2009-09-02T15:31:00.000-04:00

coming out of Inglourious Basterds:

Young 20-Something Chick: "I know the Nazis were bad n' all, but daaaaamn, were their uniforms hot!"

Hopefully she gave recommendations for the best porno too.

2009-09-01T09:35:00.001-04:00

McLean Safeway, the afternoon of Monday, 24 August.

50-Something Lady in camo cargo shorts and Bethany Beach muscle shirt, to the cashier/bagger: "...and I swear [Bagger-Guy's name], that had to be the absolute worst porno I've ever seen. But I did watch about 40 minutes of it..."

Could he be a spammer - in the flesh?

2009-08-27T12:04:00.001-04:00

Man walking through alley in parkview speaking in a pleading voice:

I don't take the viagra, I SELL the viagra

We did bring the memorial back with us from the Crusades

2009-08-25T10:17:00.001-04:00

overheard at the Lincoln Memorial:

Obese Tourist 1: "What's that writing below the state names?" [pointing at the roman numerals]

Obese Tourist 2: "I think it's Arabic"

Obese Tourist 1: "Ohhhhh, of course" [dead serious]