雅歌夫婦團契@信望愛華人宣道會

影音使團籌款晚會 2009 Vision Sharing and Fundraising Dinner 3/8/09 5:30pm

2009-02-13T10:59:00.000-08:00

2009年雅歌團契聚會程序表

2009-02-12T22:41:00.000-08:00

Parenting is Heart Work Seminars in the Bay Area

2009-01-22T13:22:00.000-08:00

January 23-24, 2009
Friday 6:45 pm to 8:30 pm
Saturday 8:45 am to 12:00 pm
Overcoming Bad Attitudes, Accepting No as an Answer and Anger in Children Parenting Seminar
Presented by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN
Peninsula Covenant Church
3560 Farm Hill Boulevard
Redwood City, California 94061
A children's program is provided to complement what the parents are learning. The cost is $20 per adult pre-registered, $30 at the door. For more information or to register call (650) 365-8094 ext 269.

TO REGISTER: Click here or copy this url into your web browser: http://www.biblicalparenting.org/productcart/pc/viewPrd.asp?idproduct=179&adminPreview=1

January 24, 2009
Saturday 6:00 pm to 9:00 pm
Everyday Parents CAN Raise Extraordinary Kids
Presented by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN
New Life Christian Fellowship
1310 Clegg Street
Petaluma, California 94954
A children's program is provided to complement what the parents are learning. The cost is $20 per person or $30 per couple. For more information or to register, call (707) 765-0956.

TO REGISTER: Click here or copy this url into your web browser: http://www.biblicalparenting.org/productcart/pc/viewPrd.asp?idproduct=201&adminPreview=1

January 25, 2009
Sunday 1:00 pm to 5:00 pm
Everyday Parents CAN Raise Extraordinary Kids
Presented by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN
Milpitas Christian School
3435 Birchwood Lane
San Jose, California 95132
A children's program is provided for kids over age 3 to complement what the parents are learning. The cost is $20 per couple, $15 per individual. Online Registration is closed. Please come and register at the door or call (408) 945-9722, ext 109.

February 21, 2009
Saturday 8:30 am to 12:30 pm
Start with the Heart: The Parenting Seminar
Brought to you by the International Network of Children's Ministry
Presented by Su Park
Hope Center Covenant Church
2275 Morello Ave
Pleasant Hill, California 94523
A children's program is provided to complement what the parents are learning. The cost is $15 per adult. Register online at incm.org For more information call (925) 685-4673.

「好好管理自己的家、使兒女凡事端莊順服。」

2009-01-14T12:57:00.000-08:00

提摩太前書三章四節：
「好好管理自己的家、使兒女凡事端莊順服。」

- 栽在溪水旁

身為一位家長，要管教或養育兒女需負上許多責任，例如，訓練、教導兒女在生命中成長，很多事情在家裡教育遠比學校教育來得重要。

我們要教導兒女：
在學校要尊重老師、怎樣有好行為、要負責任、如何回應生命中的領袖或長輩的教導、怎樣與人合作、成為團體的一部份、如何在日常生活中盡責、做好。

在我們教育兒女的時候，會面對這些問題，有些更是我們還沒懂得發問，責任已經臨到。

神賜予我們兒女、養育他們，可是，似乎他們甫出生，責任已經臨到肩膀上、好像有許多事情要做，但要做得好卻看似很困難。

然而，如我所述，人生中每個責任，皆強調我們是否懂得，捕捉其中神為我們預備的獎賞。一旦我們能捕捉，信不信由你，你的潛意識和聖靈便會帶領你一帆風順地把事情做好。

何解？以我過來人的身份，在我成長過程不論是信主前或後，均需面對許多責任，特別是信主後，要負上愈來愈多和大的責任。

當我從責任中找尋其中的獎賞跟樂趣，便不再嫌責任太多、太大，
或者是太繁複。
為什麼？

原來，我們要理解，神要我們在生命中學習什麼？
以什麼態度承擔責任是其中一項。

因為，太多人面對些微負責便害怕，舉例，近代盛行墮胎、不負責任，許多單親家庭。你想，這些人快不快樂？當然不會！

他們不懂得在責任中找尋樂趣，故責任稍為複雜便加以逃避。
可是，當一個人打電腦遊戲，為何會喜歡過關、到下一個難關，完成後又想打續集？

原來，我們在打電子遊戲，找尋與強調其中的樂趣和喜樂，成功感和學習到的新事物，便會希望遊戲難度提高，而不會投訴遊戲太難。

相反，我們會投訴遊戲太容易，要提高難度，希望遊戲永無休止、出人意表、許多驚喜、學習、意想不到的關卡，遊戲可以歷久常新。

你知不知道，神希望我們以打電子遊戲的態度，面對人生所有的責任？

正如，打電子遊戲一樣 ── 一旦找到樂趣，你便會把事情做好。
相反，若你不能在當中找尋樂趣，感到一竅不通，甚至逃避。

許多人面對人生中的責任，不是有沒有能力承擔，他們進入責任的方向，
基本上是錯的。

兒女就是神賜給我們，讓我們從樂趣中學習負責任，成長。
兒女是最寶貴的寶貝，有時候真使人心甜，從養育、教育他們，看著他們成長中找到眾多樂趣。

若你掌握這種樂趣，以及，神在其中給你的眾多獎勵，那麼，養育兒女就如打電子遊戲一樣，你不再嫌難度高。

每次勝任難題，使兒女成為一個有用、有力量、幫助別人、在成長中看到他的溫馴、順服端莊、天真、實行真理所產生的威力、他對真理的愛慕，因他看到真理使他在同學中居上不居下，作首不作尾。

你親眼見證的這一切，會成為你最大的樂趣與鼓勵，而你不斷挑戰難度，使自己成為更成功的家長。

我所說的，原來神希望在責任中，教導在我們這般重要的人生功課，不單只養育兒女，更是關於我們人生所有的責任。

提摩太前書三章四節：
「好好管理自己的家、使兒女凡事端莊順服。」

View Disobedience as Danger

2009-01-08T10:44:00.000-08:00

Not too long ago we were teaching a parenting seminar in Arizona in a local hotel. Just before it started the pastor was in a panic because he couldn't find his toddler. He ran to the swimming pool, checked the parking lot and looked around the building before coming back inside to find her asleep on a friend's lap. What relief!

When you see your child in imminent danger, then you're motivated to do something about it. You wouldn't say, "I'll finish talking to this person and then go out and get her." No, you know the danger and you respond.

In the same way, allowing children to get away with misbehavior is dangerous to their future and to their character. Our children are in danger when we let them continue to disobey or continue to act foolishly or irresponsibly. When we begin to see the danger our children are in, we are more likely to respond to them. We need to see our disciplining of them as rescuing them from danger.

We hear about strong-willed children. Those are children who are hard to work with because of their determination. They have a persistence that tests any parent's desire for cooperation. What we need is to be strong-willed parents, not in a bad sense of being stubborn or obstinate, but parents who are determined to hang in there in the midst of the struggle.

Recognize the danger of disobedience and take firm action. You will rescue your child from many of the pitfalls of life.

This parenting tip is from the book Home Improvement: The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Another Way to Teach Kids Honor

2009-01-08T10:42:00.000-08:00

One of the ways that parents can teach honor to children is to include it in the instruction process. You might say, “I’d like you to obey me by setting the table, then I want you to think of something extra to do to surprise me. That’s showing honor. You choose; it’s up to you. Report to me when you’re done and I’ll check your work.”

Surprising parents delights them and focuses on something they want or need. Instructing children to surprise you by doing something extra teaches them to think about your needs and desires not just getting away with the bare minimum. When your child does an extra task, it’s like giving you a gift. Receive the gift with delight. This can be a fun way to teach honor.

Honor involves doing more than what's expected. All family members need to learn honor and children can learn it when parents teach it. So look for ways to teach kids to do more than what's expected in daily life. It will not only make family life better now but it will also help kids be more successful as they get older.

This parenting tip comes from the book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Look for Positive Qualities Misused

2009-01-05T15:34:00.001-08:00

All children have good character qualities that, when taken to the extreme, have a negative side. One child may be quite organized, but if not careful, may become inflexible in a less structured situation. It's like the saying, "your strength can be your greatest weakness."

One mom told about her son who had a genuine sensitivity to others' needs. He was compassionate and cared for others and often felt things deeply. "I remember one time when he was younger, he began to cry when he saw an ambulance speeding down the road because he knew that someone was hurt inside. He's very caring. Unfortunately, sometimes this sensitivity can cause him to become moody or overly emotional, pouting or crying over the least little problem." So the positive quality is sensitivity but it can have a negative side of being moody or being prone to emotional outbursts.

Another mom saw that her son had the ability to work hard at a task without being distracted. “He focuses intensely, with real determination to succeed.” This quality of being persistent can be a real asset, but sometimes it would show itself as stubbornness.

As you look at your children's weaknesses, look for a positive character quality they may be misusing. Look for ways to balance it with other character qualities. Give praise for the positive quality and encourage practical ways to bring balance. Envision a positive future for your child based on those qualities. Encourage small steps of adjustment to bring them in line.

Focusing on character is one of the ways to touch a child's heart and bring about lasting change.

This parenting tip is from the book Home Improvement: The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

What to Do When Your Baby Hits

2009-01-05T15:24:00.000-08:00

Most babies hit out of frustration, anger, or for mere entertainment. What should a parent do? Sometimes the solution is simply to distract the child with a different activity. But if the problem persists and you feel like discipline is necessary, we recommend that you take consistent, firm action. Keep in mind that a firm approach doesn't require harshness.

Immediately set your child down on the floor, with a firm statement like, "Be gentle" and step back to avoid getting hit again. Don't display anger but be deliberate and firm. Your child needs to learn that hitting doesn't work. She can't stay in your arms or on your lap. If she hits you will remove her from that place immediately.

But that's not the end. The next thing your child does is come to you for a hug. This is the precursor to the Positive Conclusion you will use later. "Are you ready to get up. Come over and give me a hug. Show me what gentle is." Allow the child to give a hug or stroke your arm with her hand in a gentle way. Praise her for her gentleness.

When you set your son down after hitting, he may have a temper tantrum. If you're in a situation that allows, the best thing is to ignore him until he's calmed down and then encourage him to come back for a reuniting time. Immediate, consistent, temporary separation like this followed by a Positive Conclusion will discourage the hitting and replace it with something else. A careful balance is needed here between a firm approach and a loving relationship.

Children who can't yet talk or communicate well, often get frustrated and act out with violence. Don't just ignore it. While you're teaching communication skills, also teach limits on hitting, biting, pushing, and other forms of physical meanness.

For more practical ideas on working with infants and toddlers, consider the audio CD series, Parenting Toddlers Establishing Healthy Patterns from the Start Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Resolving Anger Doesn't Require Venting

2008-12-16T15:18:00.001-08:00

When we talk about calming down and controlling anger, we don't mean denying it. Some people may think that controlling anger means ignoring it, pushing it away, or stifling it. That is unproductive. We want to teach children a strategy to address their feelings and manage them in a healthy way. Anger should not be stifled and ignored, but rage does need to be controlled.

Some people believe that the only way to get rid of anger is to drain it by venting. Unfortunately, this venting doesn't take into consideration the person upon whom that anger is vented. Venting anger is selfish and hurtful to others; it's a demonstration of a lack of self-control.

Often the expression of anger is harmful and hurtful to other people. Proverbs 29:11 says, "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." Venting anger may bring immediate resolution on a feeling level. Exploding and venting anger often helps a person feel better. The problem is, allowing children to vent their anger doesn't teach them how to manage it in a constructive way. So the next time the child feels enraged, he is more likely to be explosive.

The solution is to help children learn to control their emotions and funnel the energy into constructive solutions. The most important key in any anger management plan is to learn to stop and take a break from the situation to settle down and then reenter in a more self controlled way.

Refuse to dialogue with children when they’re angry. Require an angry child to sit in the hall or on the bottom step and settle down before proceeding. If you dialogue with an angry child you may even get angry as well and then a battle will ensue. Don't let anger control your family dynamics. If your child even begins to get angry, stop the process sooner.

By the way, this works with husbands and wives too!

For a strategy for helping children who struggle with anger, consider the CD available for $6 called Helping Children Deal with Anger, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Three Basic Family Rules

2008-12-16T15:16:00.000-08:00

Rules are important in family life. They clarify expectations and provide opportunities for parents to teach about values. Some parents, however, rely too heavily on rules. They develop lists and family life boils down to a bunch of do's and don'ts.

Remember that rules tend to focus on behavior and may miss the heart. But, if you use rules wisely and talk often about why the rules are helpful, you can teach your children a great deal about the values you want to pass on. As you begin making rules for young children, we would suggest three simple rules:

Obey
Show Respect
Be Kind

Almost any infraction in family life can fall under one of these three. Having just a few rules is especially good for young children. These three become the basis for most other rules as children get older. Each of them represents an important character quality.

These rules are simple and introduce young children to the fact that certain guidelines dictate what's expected in family life. Talk about them often as you teach and discipline your children. This will help to instill a sense of character even at a young age.

This parenting tip is from the book Home Improvement: The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

聖誕晚會

2008-12-08T15:22:00.000-08:00

Understanding Why We Get Angry

2008-12-04T11:10:00.001-08:00

One of the helpful steps in helping children control their anger is to recognize four causes of anger. After children have settled down and you debrief with them about their anger, talk about what's causing it. You and your child may see patterns and then be able to head off the problem earlier next time.

1) Blocked Goals. This is the kind of thing that happens to you, as a parent, when you want to do a project in the playroom and find that Billy has left his Legos all over the floor and you keep stepping on them. Or, Billy may want to play with his train set only to find that his sister is using it first. These are blocked goals.

2) Violated Rights. That's when you, as a parent, are in the bathroom and your daughter keeps knocking on the door. You believe you have the right to go to the bathroom in peace. Your daughter may get angry because her brother came into her room and took her favorite CD. Those are violated rights.

3) Unmet Expectations. You had expected that when you got home you would be able to rest but instead you find a big mess. Or Jackie thought she would be going to McDonalds but instead you chose to go to Pizza Hut. Those are unmet expectations.

4) Experiencing Unfairness. When someone takes a toy from a younger child, you may feel angry as a parent because you see unfairness. Or, Tom may feel angry with his teacher because she picked someone else for a privilege he thought he deserved. Those unfair situations can provoke anger.

Whatever the situation, after a child has settled down, talk about the cause. Discuss the value of sacrificing rights, readjusting goals or expectations, and handling unfairness in a godly way. By examining the causes of anger, you can help children gain greater perspective and develop longer lasting strategies for managing their emotions.

For more ideas about helping children deal with anger, consider the CD set, Eight Secrets to Highly Effective Parenting, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN. The plan is also sold separately on an individual CD entitled, Helping Children Deal with Anger.

Teaching Character to Three-Year-Olds

2008-11-17T17:17:00.000-08:00

Different character qualities can be emphasized at different developmental stages. A newborn, for example, learns about love, trust, and a positive view of the world because of the loving care given by parents.

As children grow and develop, new character qualities are added to the picture. Preschoolers are at a strategic age to learn so much about life. Creativity, compassion, patience, confidence, and cooperation are just a few of the many new qualities that begin to develop during these years.

Two character qualities, in particular, become a focus in the parent/child relationship: Self-discipline and responsiveness to authority. But please don't think that teaching these qualities requires harshness, demandingness, or an authoritarian approach. Rather, these qualities can be taught with a loving firmness that prepares children for greater success in life.

Preschoolers learn self-discipline skills by coming when called instead of running away. These children also learn about a bedtime and how to hold a parent's hand in a store or out in public. Children resist these attempts to help them learn to give up their agenda, but that's what self-discipline is all about. Even adults resist a diet, staying on a budget, or an exercise program. If we can teach children self-discipline when they're preschoolers, they'll begin to develop significant tools for when they get older.

Talk about self-discipline with preschoolers. They may not understand the term yet, but they'll grow into it. We can teach self-discipline through a number of family rules. When we go into a store, we have the "No Touch Rule." When in a library or bank, we may use the "Don't be Wild Rule." When you first teach rules like these, start by making them fun. Teach the rules like a game, then put them into practice in life and enforce the new rules with repetition and practice.

"But my kids won't do these things," you may say. And maybe they won't unless you practice. But the preschool years are an excellent time to build some character qualities that will last a long time in a child's life.

This parenting tip is from the book Home Improvement: The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

The Most Common Parenting Question

2008-11-10T10:22:00.000-08:00

The question we're probably asked the most often in our parenting seminars and radio interviews is, "What do I do when my kids act out in the grocery store?" We all have stories from our own families and we've observed other children throw tantrums, run away, whine, complain, or disobey in the store. We may write a booklet someday called, "How to Parent in Public." Then we could all carry around these booklets and hand them out to frustrated parents in public places.

At least part of the answer is that you don't practice your discipline strategies in the grocery store. That's the final exam! You practice in the kitchen, bedroom, laundry room, and backyard. Children need to learn how to handle disappointment at home so they can accept a no answer in the check out line.

Our kids need to learn to come when they're called so that they'll respond in public. Children who haven't learned how to accept correction at home without a bad attitude will miserably fail the test when they have an audience.

Look for ways to reproduce the grocery store situations at home, at the park, and in other places so that children can learn positive routines to use in public. Talk about how to act at the bank, the library, and the store. Teach your children the "No Touch Rule" and the "Don't be Wild Rule" and practice them often.

It won't be long before you'll be able to take your young children into the Hallmark store with all those dangerously beautiful things waiting to be broken. If you've practiced, then your kids will do fine and people will say, "Oh what nice children you have." Of course those people don't realize how much work you've done to help your kids develop the character to handle these temptations.

Then the grocery store will be easier. That doesn't mean you won't ever have a problem. In those times you have to do the best you can, get what you need, and get out of there, but the difficult times will be far fewer than the successful ones when you take time to practice at home.

This parenting tip is from the book Home Improvement: The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Ending Every Discipline Time Positively

2008-11-06T10:27:00.001-08:00

After a consequence or a conflict time, it's important to have a positive conclusion. It's usually best to talk about what went wrong, why it was wrong, and to give children a plan for next time. After that discussion, end the whole discipline by saying something like, "Okay, go ahead and try again."

An affirming statement at the end says, "I believe in you. Yes, you're going to make mistakes, there are consequences but we can debrief and learn together." This gives your child the confidence to try again. This kind of ending essentially says to a child that you believe in him, that we all make mistakes, and you know that he now has what it takes to make a right choice next time.

This kind of ending is similar to the way that Jesus ended the conversation with the woman caught in adultery. He said, "Go and sin no more." That's the kind of ending we want on our discipline. Go and try again.

Start this kind of positive conclusion with children as young as two years old. They may not be able to answer all the questions and, of course, you'll want to keep it short. But take time to hug and affirm a young child recognizing that the way you correct at two builds patterns for ways that you'll correct at five or fifteen.

With older children, take the time necessary to discuss issues and work to bring discipline times around to a positive conclusion. If the child is unwilling to respond you may need to take a break but don't just let it go. Teach young people that we continue to work on conflict until it's resolved. That's not easy sometimes but if you work hard on it now you'll be giving your child a gift that will be used later in life as well.

This parenting tip is from the book Home Improvement: The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Parenting Seminars in the Bay Area

2008-11-06T10:17:00.000-08:00

If you like the "Parenting Tips" posted on this BLOG, you would probably be interested in attending some live seminars in the Bay Area by the founders of National Center for Biblical Parenting.

Here are info on the upcoming seminars:

January 23-24, 2009
Friday 6:45 pm to 8:30 pm
Saturday 8:45 am to 12:00 pm
Overcoming Bad Attitudes, Accepting No as an Answer and
Anger in Children
Presenters: Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller
Peninsula Covenant Church
3560 Farm Hill Boulevard
Redwood City, California 94061
The cost is $20 per adult pre-registered, $30 at the door.
A children's program is provided to complement what the parents are learning.
For more information or to register call (650) 365-8094 ext 269.

February 21, 2009
Saturday 8:30 am to 12:30 pm
Start with the Heart: The Parenting Seminar
Brought to you by the International Network of Children's Ministry
Hope Center Covenant Church
2275 Morello Ave
Pleasant Hill, California 94523
The cost is $15 per adult. Register online at incm.org
For more information call (925) 685-4673.

婚姻存摺

2008-11-06T10:08:00.000-08:00

我的『婚姻存摺』是出嫁那天，媽媽遞到我手上的，當時我以為會是一大筆錢，
打開一看發現只有1,000元，我用失望的眼神看著媽媽，
媽媽卻笑著說：「這是我特意為你們辦理的『婚姻存摺』，
以後每逢值得紀念的日子，都可以存一筆錢，等到老的時候，裡面除了錢，還有無限的幸福。」

當時，我對母親這份心思不以為然，倒是丈夫記在了心上。
婚後沒多久，他就先後存了兩個500元，一個是因為他升職了，第二個是因為我手術治愈出院。
當時我嘴上笑他無聊，其實心裡甜蜜無比，畢竟他把我的健康也當作一件讓他感到幸福的事。
沒過多久，我懷孕了，這一次，我足足往裡面存了2,000元。
但很快，我們開始有了爭吵和冷漠；
孩子出生帶來的快樂是短暫的，洗不完的尿布、餵不完的奶，進一步加劇了我們感情的惡化。
而那本『婚姻存摺』像被遺忘了，寂寞地躺在抽屜角落，上面的數字久未見漲。

我們鬧離婚的時候，媽媽說：「你們先把存摺上面的錢花光了再離吧，雖然錢不多，但是你們共同的財產。」
於是，我第一次取了1,000元，然後拎著幾件心儀已久的衣服離開商場時，
我又回去對售貨小姐說：「對不起，我不買了，請你退回我剛才付給你的錢。」

也許當時的局面窘迫極了，但我腦海裡想到的是那1,000元婚姻積蓄的來源：
他是個害羞的男人，但曾在街頭大聲地對我說「我愛你」，我為此存下100元；
他記得我的生日、鞋號、密碼及最怕的事，我為此在生日那天存下300元；
他對女人有風度，也有距離，不給暗戀他的女下屬任何機會，我為此存下500元…！
想到這1,000元裡就有這麼多的幸福積累，再看看婚姻存摺上的兩萬多元，我的眼睛忽然就有些濕潤起來。

晚上回到家，我把存摺交給他，說：「趕緊花吧，花光了好離婚！」

第二天晚上，他把存摺遞到我手上，我打開一看，發現反而多了1,000元。
他說：「那上面的每一元錢都記錄著我們走過的歷程，我第一次發覺原來是這樣的愛你，索性又存進了1,000元。」

我們從此又和好如初了！

風雨飄搖更思主愛

2008-11-05T10:27:00.000-08:00

無論你是生活在世界的那一個角落，在這一年來，相信你都能深深感受到天災人禍、世事無常的感慨。年初中國的雪災、緬甸風災、年中令舉世震懾的汶川大地震、超級颱風橫掃各國（執筆之際又聽到巴基斯坦發生6.4級大地震）；天災已經夠慘了，還加上近日的雷曼迷你債券事件、席捲全球的金融海嘯，令很多人損失或多或少的資產；預期未來幾年全球將面臨經濟大蕭條，升斗市民必須勒緊褲頭過日子了。

在這些風雨飄搖、人心惶惶的日子裡，我們這一群自稱為基督徒的人，所思所想所感的，與其他人有沒有分別呢？世事無常，無法掌握，我們會否因此而沮喪不安，還是深信神仍掌管一切呢？我們的安全感是建立在可見之物上，還是在那位雖不可見、卻是全能永在的神身上呢？我們所愛的，是世界上的資財，還是那位因愛我們為我們而死的耶穌呢？

問了一連串的問題，不是要自鳴清高；而是在危機或逆境中，同樣是一個反省信仰、反省生命的好時機。這些問題也是這些日子我心靈裡的自省，看到天災中生靈塗炭，明白到最重要的是人的生命和平安，也反省到神既存留我的生命，是要我過怎樣的生活呢？是安逸安舒的生活嗎？還是要我懂得生活簡樸，更愛別人，與別人分享生命中的神？明白到人生的真正價值後，再面對資財上的少少損失，好像不那麼痛，不那麼著緊了。

你記得聖經約翰福音21章曾記載，耶穌在復活後，在提比哩亞海邊第三次向門徒顯現的故事嗎？這一整晚門徒都出海打魚，然而卻沒有一點收獲。耶穌在岸邊等著他們，引導他們如何下網，他們便網到一整網的大魚；耶穌還為他們預備魚和餅作早點。這故事讓你有甚麼感受嗎？你感到主耶穌那溫柔細膩的愛嗎？你看到那在岸邊等待著你的耶穌嗎？祂關心你的需要，祂知道你一夜勞累，沒有打著甚麼，祂明白你此刻的疲乏和沮喪。祂會引導你如何跨過面前的難關；祂甚至為你預備魚和餅；你還有甚麼需要懼怕呢？

然後，耶穌一連三次問彼得說：「你愛我嗎？」當彼得回答：「主，你知道我愛你」時，耶穌叫他去餵養祂的羊。耶穌今天也在呼召我們，要餵養祂的羊。主說，你若是愛我，就必要愛我所愛的，那是我的羊，我所珍愛的，你去照顧他們，愛他們，引導他們，與他們分享生命。你或說，主啊，我已經失去太多，根本沒有能力去愛其他人了！不要忘記，耶穌在要我們愛人以先，祂會先照顧我們的需要，就像祂向門徒彰顯祂的慈愛和真實，向他們遞上魚和餅，讓他們重新得力。

你生命的光景如何呢？你內心有因信靠神而生出的平安嗎？還是隨波逐流，因著時局的變動而惶恐不安？耶穌曾說：「我留下平安給你們；我將我的平安賜給你們。我所賜的，不像世人所賜的。你們心裡不要憂愁，也不要膽怯。」（約14:27）耶穌知道人生有太多不能掌握的事情，所以祂特別留給我們這寶貴的應許，我們必須做的，就是以信心來交託，把眼目從世上可變之事移到不變之神的身上。

你的心平靜安穩嗎？還是因為生活的境遇而憂愁膽怯？你看到耶穌在向你招手嗎？祂深深明白你的疲乏困倦，祂為你預備了魚和餅，祂要與你一起面對生命的起與跌，你還有甚麼需要懼怕呢？

國證網絡「給您同行者」--何靜

Don't Take The Bait

2008-10-30T12:02:00.001-07:00

Be careful when your children bait you and try to draw you into a fight. If you’re easily sucked into an argument with your child, it may be an indication that you need to do some work on your own anger.

It's amazing that children are smart enough to find those buttons that will set us off, but what's more amazing is that parents take the bait. A child may say, "You never let me have a snack," and the parent all of a sudden is ready to fight. Or the child says, "Dad wouldn't do it this way," or "I don't want to go to school," and Mom goes into a tirade. Children know what it is that gets us. If you find those opportunities irresistible then you need to step back and deal with your own anger.

Now, don't get us wrong. Children who engage in manipulations like that need to be disciplined, but they don't need anger. There's a difference. Your anger points out a problem. That's what anger is good for. It tells you something is wrong. But anger isn't good for solving problems.

When you're tempted to get drawn into an argument, step back and evaluate the situation. Maybe it's time to change the buttons. Often, your children need limits placed on the way they're relating. Be careful to respond to your kids with appropriate discipline instead of reacting in a way that joins into their foolish arguments.

This parenting tip is from the book Home Improvement: The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Identify the Cues of Anger

2008-10-30T12:00:00.001-07:00

Helping children deal with anger is an important task of parenting. Many parents report that there is no time between the trigger and the response in their children. Before we can teach children anger management, we must first help them see anger coming on. James 1:19 says that we should be slow to anger. Here are some ways to help children slow down the process.

Talk about the physical indicators that anger is approaching. These cues are different for each person. You may even use yourself as an example. How can you tell when you're starting to get angry? Maybe it's furrowed eyebrows, tightened facial muscles, rapid breathing, raised shoulders, hollow feeling in the chest, clenched teeth, tightened fists, pursed lips, wide eyes, or a change in tone or pitch of your voice. Identifying these early warning signs of anger can help children feel it coming on before they react.

Point out these early warning signs in others. Virtually all children's animated videos contain exaggerated facial features to depict emotions. Watch a video and point out the times when someone gets angry. How could you tell? This exercise is helpful for identifying one's own cues but also helps children see anger coming on in others. If you teach children how to respond to the anger of others, they can learn to be peacemakers instead of troublemakers.

Take action earlier. Once you see the cues, stop the escalation before it starts. "Bill, it looks like you’re getting upset, come over here and settle down before things get out of hand." Earlier intervention will eventually help your children make those same choices for themselves and teach them how to manage anger in healthy ways.

To learn more about helping children manage their anger, consider the book, Home Improvement: The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Don't be Deterred by Resistance

2008-10-23T13:38:00.001-07:00

Children often don’t understand why parents instruct, correct, or limit them. Your kids likely question your wisdom and motivations. Although your children may resist your parenting, don’t give up. There will be times when you’d rather escape than confront, rest than correct, or do the job yourself instead of instructing your children to do it. Parenting requires sacrifice and work. Be courageous in challenging your children in spite of their resistance.

Hebrews 12:11 reminds us that discipline isn’t easy to accept, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.” A child screams when he’s about to get an immunization. He doesn’t care whether it’s going to prevent a disease or not; he just doesn’t like pain.

None of us wants pain in our lives. But discipline does involve pain. Whether we’re doing physical therapy, trying to lose weight, or saving money, we must give up some things in order to gain something we want.

Be careful not to let resistance from your kids get in the way of their training. Children don’t usually have the foresight needed to work hard unless there’s some kind of immediate reward.

But then there are those occasional moments when your son brings in the trashcans without being asked or your daughter cleans up her room on her own. Those are the small indications that maturity is just around the corner. Encourage your children and determine to hang in there beyond the resistance. Your kids need your self-discipline and persistence as they grow to develop their own.

This parenting tip comes from the book Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Fences Build Self Control

2008-10-21T14:15:00.000-07:00

Through limit setting, discipline, and teaching, you provide “fences” that your children need. A fence is an indication of a boundary that shouldn’t be crossed. A fence around your house tells neighbors where the limits are and helps children and animals know where their freedom ends. The same is true in social relationships. Children need to know where the social boundaries are and when to stop before behavior becomes a nuisance to others.

Children who do annoying things habitually jump the fences. They need parents who are very involved in their everyday lives. The fences that facilitate social relationships can be complicated at times. Teasing has limits, and knowing when silliness or goofiness should end isn’t always easy to determine. Parents must step in at these times to help their children develop the social fences needed for successful relationships.

The goal of parent-control is to encourage self-control. Don’t be afraid to provide firm limits for your children. They need those external controls for a while in order to develop internal control.

After children have learned to live within the boundaries and guidelines you’ve established for relationships, you gradually release the control and allow your kids to rely on their own internal fences that they’ve developed as a result of your training. The work you do during this time has long-lasting benefits. By focusing on impulsivity you will not only help your children socially, but you will also give them the tools to deal with temptation as well.

Remember that part of the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23 is self-control. It's something that God also wants to develop in your child. It takes work but it's worth it in the end.

This parenting tip comes from the book Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Dealing with Dishonesty

2008-10-16T19:26:00.000-07:00

Living with a child who is dishonest is not easy. You’re always second-guessing her, wondering if she’s lying again. Sometimes you suspect that your son is doing the wrong thing, but you can’t prove it. He may deny it, and there doesn’t seem to be anything you can do.

In those moments of doubt, be careful not to push too hard. Don’t try to force a confession or prove something you can’t. After all, your child may be innocent this time, and you don’t want to overemphasize a lack of trust. Remember that a child who lies will provide you with a number of opportunities to confront. That’s an unfortunate reality, but it means that you don’t have to press an unclear situation. You can wait for one that is clearer and determine to make an issue out of it at that time. Other times, you might simply make an observation about the importance of honesty and move on.

On the other hand, when you know that your child is lying, you'll want to be firm. Requiring confession is often the first step toward change. Many times it's helpful to have a child actually say the words, "I lied." There's something painfully helpful about being honest about lying. Of course, other discipline and strategies will likely be necessary for a child who lies, but keep in mind you're working for the long term. Openness and honesty with God start with our relationships at home. The goal is for our kids to develop a lifestyle of honesty, so when they fail, they need to be able to confess and feel forgiven.

Look for ways to correct on the spot, but also use lying as a cue that you have some greater work to do in the character department. As you teach, correct, and pray for your children who have lied, you will be working along with God to develop a heart of integrity in them. Your investment will be worth it in the end.

This parenting tip comes from the book Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

The Gratefulness Principle

2008-10-15T10:05:00.000-07:00

Gratitude increases closeness. Look for opportunities to take advantage of gratefulness as you work to draw closer to your kids. Give your children small gifts of love day after day. Be careful, though, that you don’t confuse the gratefulness principle with the overindulgence trap.

Some parents, wanting their children to like them, recognize giving gifts opens the heart, so they overdo it by giving them too many things. Giving to your kids must be tied into relationship, or the gifts feed selfishness instead of gratefulness.

Overindulgence is giving your children more than their character can handle. When children lack gratitude, the more you give them, the less they appreciate. Parents must restrain themselves or they’ll exceed their child’s ability to manage the blessings. Overindulged children rarely become grateful when you give them more things. They grow to be more spoiled, demanding, and selfish. Parents then feel unappreciated and become resentful. The hearts of both parents and children harden toward each other, and closeness becomes a thing of the past.

When your children become overindulged rather than grateful, pull back on the area where you’re giving too much and look for ways to increase the areas where you’re lacking. Teaching the heart gratefulness can be a challenge. Having a child say thank you is just behavior. Gratefulness comes from the heart. Monitor your child’s response to gifts of love to determine if you’re growing gratitude or overindulgence.

As gratefulness increases, you can slowly give blessings in a way that will produce more gratefulness. You’ll know if you’re moving too quickly by your child’s response.

This parenting tip is taken from chapter eight in the book Parenting is Heart Work by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller RN BSN.

Be an Example of Change

2008-10-13T12:02:00.001-07:00

Making changes in family life is often a group project. Children may be more motivated to change when they see others trying to change as well—especially when those other people are their parents. Your transparency about your own weakness can be an encouragement to your kids.

Many parents have their anger meters set too tight. They react with intensity for even the smallest infraction of the rules. James 1:19-20 is helpful for us all to memorize: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for a man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” Character qualities like patience, persistence, and self-control help both children and parents to increase the tolerance level on their anger meter.

One single dad told us, “One morning, I got up, looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize the person I had become. I realized that I needed to make some changes in myself. Anger and bitterness were making me a hurtful person. As I began working on my own thoughts, feelings, and reactions, I was able to respond differently to life’s struggles. I was then surprised to see my kids change in response to what they saw in me. Things started moving in a positive direction for my family.”

Set the example for change in family life. Talk openly with your kids about the changes you’d like to see and the changes you’re working on in your own life. You may be surprised to find them following along behind you.

This parenting tip comes from the book Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.