Corby O'Connor

2009-04-15T11:42:00.000-04:00

First impressions are never more important than when you are on a job interview. That is why questions regarding the correct etiquette during the interview are among the most frequently asked. I was recently asked:

Q. I’ve read many books and articles about the importance of my resume and how to talk about my accomplishments during an interview, but I am still a little nervous about the impression I will make with my clothes, speech and body language. Can you help?

A. As in all new situations, preparation is the key to success.
• Learn all you can about the company and the person who will be interviewing you. Practice answering the most common questions and prepare some questions of your own.
• Dress conservatively. Men should wear a dark colored suit with polished, laced shoes, pressed 100% cotton shirt, and a silk necktie. For the first interview women should wear a skirted suit and closed toe shoes.
• Be perfectly well groomed. Hair and nails should be impeccable.
• Skip the perfume and cologne. Your scent should not be the first thing someone notices about you.
• Sit up straight and ask as many questions as you answer. Every job opening is for a problem solver. Find out what the problem is and convince the interviewer you are the one to solve it.

Q. I heard that there is such a thing as business card etiquette? Is that true?

A. Yes, just about everything done in business has a right way and a wrong way. The card is an extension of the businessperson. When you are given a card, take a few seconds to read it. If there is something you can comment favorably on, for instance, the logo or person’s title, individual, do so. The card should be placed on the desk or conference table, or in your portfolio. Do not put the card in your wallet and then in your back pocket.

If someone asks you for your business card, be prepared to hand over one that is clean, crisp and free from smudges. Remember, it speaks for you.

Q. Can you please address the topic of speakerphones? I see them misused all the time.

Yes, the problem is not with the speakerphone, but with the people who use them. Speakerphones provide a convenient way to communicate with several people without setting up a conference call. Some tips to remember when using speakerphones:
• Never put your caller on speakerphone without asking first. He or she has the right to know to whom is speaking. Introduce everyone as you would during a scheduled conference call.
• Consider those around you. People using speakerphones tend to talk louder than normal.
• Don’t use the speakerphone to check your voice mail. While this might seem like a good use of the technology, the person who left you the message meant it for your ears only.

2009-02-06T15:45:00.001-05:00

Some Great Tips for the Small Business Owner. I particularly like number 5:

Two Decades of Small-Business Lessons
by Harvey King

This month marks my 20th anniversary of running small businesses. I wish I could say I've learned all there is to know about small-business ownership from the past two decades. Unfortunately, I keep discovering how little I know. You know what I mean if, like me, you live with two teenagers. However, there are a few lessons I've learned along the way:

1. Beef up your line of credit when you don't need to. For some reason, a bank's desire to lend you money has a negative correlation to your need for it.

2. Ben & Jerry's Half-Baked ice cream is the best flavor to eat while wallowing in self-pity after a business set back.

3. You'll never feel more like a small-business owner than the way you feel the first time papers arrive letting you know you've been sued.

4. Change is good. Wait, no, change is bad. No, it's good. Change is inevitable.

5. The greatest marketing tool is a handwritten note. Unfortunately, I don't write such notes, but I make a practice of purchasing stuff from those who do.

6. If you're not organized, hire an obsessive-compulsive assistant. You'll make each other miserable, but you won't waste a lot of time searching for the reading glasses perched on the top of your head.

7. Curiosity keeps you fresh and alert. Not being curious makes you boring and old.

8. Hire really, really smart and talented people. Give them the resources and respect and authority necessary to do their jobs. That way they'll enjoy their work, and you won't have to work as hard.

9. Always pretend to be working hard.

10. It is okay to sit at your desk and read a magazine, especially if it's this one.

2009-01-12T22:44:00.000-05:00

Getting Coffee and Gossip?

Q. Corby, you have written about gossip at work. I often hear negative comments about other people and don’t know what to say or do. What do you suggest?

A. There are a couple of things you can do. You can simply say something like “I know him well and I don’t see him that way” or “If you feel that way, why don’t you discuss it with her directly.” If a sarcastic or humorous remark is made don’t join in the laughter. Just walk away. You’ll make an impression with your silence.

Q. What is your opinion of secretaries or administrative assistants as they are now called getting coffee for their bosses?

A. If getting coffee, or other refreshments, is going to be part of his or her daily job description it should be made clear at the time of the job offer. The assistant should be given the option to decide whether to take a job where this is expected.

With that said, however, the assistant and the manager should work toward the common goal of being an effective team furthering the company’s objectives. That means the ”refreshment getting” can be worked out between the two individuals and be flexible. If the manager is hosting clients or is very busy, the assistant can offer to get the refreshments. If she is making the trip for herself, it would be nice if she offered to get something for her boss. There is no reason the two of them should be away from their desks. At the same time, the manager should offer to get the assistant coffee or soda when she is busy with a project.

2009-01-08T21:09:00.000-05:00

Tattoos, Neckties and an unzipped fly....

Dear Corby: Do tattoos and body piercings belong in business? There seems to be an increased number of people with tattoos on their body and a variety of locations for body piercings. Can you please comment on this and let us know what you think of this trend?

A. Some might argue that this practice is a personal issue. However, you need to proceed with caution if you want to have a serious place in the business world -- especially the corporate world. It is not yet clear whether these practices are passing fancies or the wave of the future. One thing we do know is that people change over time. Before anything permanent is done, the long-term effect should be considered. Since a tattoo is permanent, it should be put where it is not visible with everyday dress. Body piercings are a different story since the ornaments can be removed. In certain work environments, piercings are the norm, and creativity and individuality are not only accepted but also encouraged. Keep in mind that the company or corporate culture dictates how you dress and how you accessorize. Personal preference is not the determining factor. If you are working in a conservative atmosphere, then keep your look traditional and conservative. Anything that is not traditional will be considered distracting and trendy. If your boss doesn't have a tattoo or body piercing and no one else in upper management does, that's your cue that tattoos and piercings will not work in your favor.

Dear Corby: Sometimes, the businessmen I am dining with either toss their neckties over their shoulders or stick them in their shirts to keep them from getting soiled while they are eating. Is this correct behavior? Which is more appropriate, protecting the tie or leaving it alone?

A. I, too, have dined with businessmen who have done the same thing. Some men even put their napkin in the collar of their shirts to protect their ties. I guess they are trying to save on dry cleaning bills, but it is not appropriate to toss the necktie over the shoulder, stick it in their shirt or cover it with a napkin. Sounds as if they need a dining skills class.

Dear Corby: What should a woman do when she notices that a male colleague's zipper is unzipped? Is it appropriate for her to say something?

A. A woman might be inclined to ignore this embarrassing situation and not say anything. But if you don't say anything, your colleague could walk into an important meeting clueless. My recommendation is to tell one of your other male associates who can then bring it to the man's attention. By doing so, you spare the person the embarrassment of hearing it from a woman. If I were a man, that is how I would like it handled.

2008-12-22T16:09:00.000-05:00

Tipping the Limo driver.

Q. I drive a limo.  I'm new to the business and would like to know when receiving a tip is it a hand off while getting the tip
then a hand shake?  Hand off only?  Hands not touching hands?  Is there a protocol for receiving and giving a tip?

Thanks for your help. 

Kevin C.

A.  Great question....one I have not been asked before.  The tip will come
 to you the majority of times from the passenger's right hand to your
 right hand.  If your left hand is free, put the tip in your left hand
 immediately, so that if your passenger extends his hand you can then
 extend yours for a handshake.  If he does not, it is perfectly acceptable for you to
 extend yours first.  Regardless of who initiates the handshake, your tip
 will be in the left hand freeing the right for shaking.  Just going by
 my own experience tipping...not that I've taken many limos...often there
 is not an opportunity to shake hands...and that is ok too...of course
 a thank you for the tip is required.

2008-12-15T19:19:00.000-05:00

Q. I am a CEO of a large human services agency. We have a non-smoking policy in our buildings, but we do have a smoking area outside away from the door. Several employees are abusing the privilege to take smoke breaks, and other employees are complaining. The smokers have been told indirectly through a memo to limit breaks, but it seems they are out there too much. How can I sensitively encourage them not to take so many smoking breaks during the day, and how can I curb their habit at the workplace? Thanks for your response.

A. Asking some smokers to limit smoking breaks is like asking a child to limit the number of M&M’s they take out of a bowl? What does that mean?
It’s your job to set policy objectively regarding breaks for all employees, not to worry about curbing anyone’s habits or addictions.

Your employees don’t smoke in your buildings because you have a written non-smoking policy. You now need a written break policy. Don’t distinguish between smokers and non-smokers. For example: Your employees may be given a one or two ten-minute break in the morning and then the same in the afternoon. How they choose to spend their time will be up to them. Smokers can smoke. Non-smokers can just enjoy the great outdoors.

2008-12-10T21:41:00.000-05:00

Why Didn't I Get the Job?

Q. I've been unemployed for 6 months. On a recent interview at a company with a business casual dress code the hiring manager told me I was overdressed. I wore a nice pant suit; nothing outstanding and I told her I could dress casually. I did not get the job and I left with the feeling I intimidated her.

A. Whenever an individual is not offered a job after an interview, I recommend she ask why he was not offered the position. Perhaps the reason is something she could and should change. If it is something she can't change, for example, she lacks a necessary skill, then she shouldn't dwell on it and move on to the next opportunity.

So I suggest you give the woman a call and ask her if she will tell you why you did not get the job. Don't mention you suspect you may have intimidated her. Sometimes the chemistry is just not right and if you did get the job you would not be happy there anyway.

2008-08-27T09:46:00.005-04:00

From Smart Girls Think Twice, by Jan Silvious

My cousin, Shellie Donow, a bright woman with four children just sent this to me. It is wonderful advice for women of all ages.

(page 92-3)

"Smart Girls are careful with their speech because they know that their words reveal their character. Pleasant, respectful words are the root of good manners and reflect the true heart of the person speaking. Civility in our culture has plummeted to a sad level, and the use of unkind, demeaning words is more rampant than ever before. I attribute much of this failure on the part of parents to set limits on the sort of language they will accept from thier children...

If parents don't expect and require appropriate speech, they won't get it. It takes daily training with continual reminders to mold children into respectful, mannerly adults." "Parents should stay on their children about the way they answer adults and saying please and thank you . If you don't train them, no one else will. But if you do, your hard work will pay off for years to come. Someday, they will move into positions of responsibility where their attention to etiquette will give them a true advantage over their peers who didn't cut their teeth at your good manners academy. Of course, choosing our own words carefully is just as important, maybe more so. It's clear to me that rude adults influence their children to be rude. And each time we fail to filter our words, we add to the general decline in our culture toward using discourteous, cheap, or uncouth words. A Smart Girl can help change that trend by deciding that, whatever happens, she will use only words that are respectful, words that honor others, herself, and the God she serves. ...Cursing is a habit that shows smallness of heart and spirit, and it has no place in the speech of a Smart Girl....."

We all thank you Ms. Silvious and Shellie for passing it on.

2008-08-22T14:28:00.005-04:00

Listen and Learn

It happened again last night; rude business etiquette at a dinner/speaker event. I attended an event at a lovely beach and tennis club in Spring Lake, NJ. A fun night with interesting people. I had heard the speaker before. His name is Fr. Joseph McShane, President of Fordham University. Just a fabulous natural speaker. He offers great inspirational stories and always captures his audience's attention. But there are always one, two or maybe even more who, regardless of the speaker or topic, will be drawn into a conversation of their own. It is one of the most common business etiquette faux pas; talking when someone else has the floor. It is disrespectful and rude. It distracts the speaker and is intrusive to others in the audience. We in the audience are either forced to tolerate it or try to get the offender's attention and stare him down with the hairy eyeball and raised brow. Adults can sit still without being disrespectful to an individual who is giving us his time to share information and expertise. Don't you think? We're bound to learn something.

2008-07-20T21:12:00.011-04:00

Below Par Dining Skills

The rewards of parenting come in bits and pieces and at unexpected times. I received one today from my 25 year old son. Etiquette came up in a discussion ...often does in my home. Then the reward...he told me he works with someone who has terrible table manners. How wonderful! I've raised his awareness enough to notice table manners! He cares enough to comment! He said the young man "does not even know the basic things like waiting for everyone to have their food before he starts eating." "And he holds his knife and fork like a chimp and I was sitting about four people down from him and I could hear him eating." My take? If your twenty five year old peer is turned off, everyone with whom you eat is turned off. Knowing basic dining skills will prevent drawing negative attention at a business meal.

2008-07-13T20:52:00.006-04:00

Summer Networking

For those who dread the uptight cocktail parties, summer activities offer the opportunity to network in a more relaxed atmosphere.

Join the company volleyball, basketball or baseball team. No team? Start one.
Attend the company picnic with a goal in mind. e.g. Meet four people and learn ways you can help each reach his goal.
Get to know co-workers with whom you have few opportunities to interact.
Organize a game of softball or volleyball; a fun and terrific way to warm up relations between office mates.

To make the most of your summer activities - or any corporate social event - be yourself. Nothing is more attractive than a person who is totally at home in his or her own skin.

2008-07-05T00:32:00.003-04:00

Stand to Show Respect

Most of us are familiar, thank goodness, with the simple courtesies. We know when to say please and thank you and we hold the door for the person behind us. There is another courtesy which, in the past, was as common as those above but we seldom see today. It is the simple, but powerful, act of standing up when we greet someone. Rising when you are either introduced to a person for the first time or when you greet an acquaintance is a gesture that never goes unnoticed or unappreciated.

It is not a gesture reserved for anyone in particular; an older person, a woman or someone in authority. It is a gesture one person makes as a way of acknowledging the worth of another. Standing when you greet someone says he has your respect.

A seminar participant shared her “standing up” story. As a guest at a wedding she approached her table. As she did, one gentleman stood when she introduced herself to him and the other guests. It made such a positive impression on her that she agreed to a date with him. They eventually married.

College admission counselors also admit to being impressed with students who stand upon introduction or when another individual enters the room. They say it indicates the student is aware of others, has respect for his surroundings and for the occasion.

Unless you are strapped into your seat, rise when you greet someone. Stand up for your subordinates, your co-workers, your boss, your children and your children’s friends. Let each know he means something to you by making this almost effortless gesture.

2008-04-20T22:23:00.010-04:00

Business Etiquette and Networking

I attend a number of networking events because I enjoy meeting people; I always learn something....not just about how to grow my etiquette business. Last week I learned about Isagenix, an exciting way to change the way you can manage your health and weight. I learned about an interesting online business which allows users to send "handwritten" personal or business greeting cards with the click of a mouse. I also learn what works and does not work in networking. For example, some attendees take advantage of the opportunity to introduce themselves and their business by monopolizing others' time and some interrupt a conversation just to hand over their own business card. When you want to make the most of networking events, consider how you can help the others in attendance. Don't monopolize the conversation or interrupt with your business pitch; ask how you can help others reach their goals. You will be surprised at the rewards.

2008-04-17T22:21:00.006-04:00

Tipping and Traveling Etiquette

If you are new to business travel, you may be surprised at what a significant expense tipping can be. Service people who transport you, carry your bags, greet you at the hotel door, take you to your room and others expect and, in most cases, deserve a tip. Here are some tipping etiquette guidelines:

Taxi/Limousine Driver – 15% - 20% of the total fare.

Doorman: $1-$2 for calling a cab or a bit more if he covers you with an umbrella in the rain or actually hails a cab for you. Tip at the end of your stay if it is more convenient.

Bellman: $1-$2 for each bag depending on the size of the bag and the quality of service. If he prepares your room and shows you around, $5-$10 should cover everything.

Room Service: A gratuity of 15% is usually included in the price of your order. If the person is especially attentive to setting up your meal, you can give him or her another couple of dollars.

Maids/Housekeeping Staff -- $1-$5 per night depending on the quality of the hotel and service. Tip daily since you might have different people cleaning your room. Whatever and whenever you decide to tip, put the money in a sealed marked envelope.

Valet Parking -- $1-$2 to the attendant retrieving your car.

2008-04-08T23:35:00.006-04:00

Effective Email Communication

Email is a relatively new way of communicating. Make the most of it by following these few rules.:

Add your attachment before you write.
Include the topic in the subject line.
Proof your message twice before you send it.
Use capital letters only at the beginning of sentences and for proper names.
Add warmth by using the recipient's name in the first sentence.
Keep it short and simple; just enough to fill only one screen.
Think of email as a fax. Assume everyone will read it.
Write only with positive emotion. Use the telephone to resolve conflicts.
Read your mail at specific times of the day for better time management.

2008-04-07T17:14:00.009-04:00

More Handwritten Notes
Received these today...again...a treat among the bills, catalogs and junk mail.

Dear Corby,
I would like to thank you for forwarding your business etiquette blog post about the attorney who mails two to three handwritten notes to his clients each day. The blog entry was informative as well as persuasive, as you can see. Rest assured I will keep this valuable lesson in mind.

Dear Corby,
It was great to meet and talk with you last week. I really enjoyed your business etiquette seminar and feel there were many meaningful ideas that I took with me. Thanks again for sharing your business etiquette knowledge and time. Hope to see you in the near future and best of luck.

2008-03-31T10:20:00.009-04:00

The Perfect Thank You Note

Last week my family and I attended a 50th birthday party for one of my cousins. It was a blast...from the past with a 1950's theme. Appropriate attire was strongly encouraged. Saturday I received the perfect thank you note from Colleen, the birthday girl. It reads: "Thank you so much for the bag set. I am going to Egypt next month on vacation and know they will absolutely come in handy. I also want to say thank you for coming to my party. I hope you guys had a good time. I think Tim (my son) would have won for best costume had we had a contest. He looked amazing! Please take good care of yourselves and thank you so very much again."

Why it is perfect:

1. She mentions the gift and how she will use it. The giver knows it is appreciated.
2. She goes on to show appreciation for the guests' attendance...their time and expresses interest in whether they had a good time.
3. She mentions something personal and compliments the attendee.
4. She signs off with a warm close and says thank you again.

The note is warm, sincere and a pleasure to receive. Sure beats "Thank you for the gift and coming to my party."

2008-03-27T17:27:00.013-04:00

The Jacket - The Most Important Item in Your Business Wardrobe

Yesterday, I had the privilege of addressing members of AMF, a Bedminster, NJ based management company which provides services and solutions to enhance golf professionals' careers and their facilities. The program at which I was the speaker was held at the prestigious Baltusrol Golf Club in Springfield, NJ. After being a bit overwhelmed by the beauty of the club, the first thing I noticed was the audience's appearance. The so called business casual look is sadly still in vogue. So, it was a sight for sore eyes to see the men...and they were all men...in suits, ties and sports jackets. What a treat. Amazing what clothes do to set the tone of an event. The jacket adds class. It is the most important item in your business wardrobe. It adds instant credibility and authority.

Wear a jacket to work. Put a blazer over a sweater and a polo shirt; wear it without a tie; wear one with jeans. One of my favorite retailers is Lands End. They offer the best customer service and quality, reasonably priced clothing. You'll find many blazers at Lands End. For those with a limited budget for dry cleaning and unfamiliar with an iron, they offer 100% cotton no iron shirts and pants.

Again, wear a jacket. You'll look like you mean business.

2008-03-25T21:07:00.009-04:00

Opposites Attract

Here is an interesting revelation about those with whom you work. Tony Ammeter, Ph.D, a University of Missouri-Rolla engineering management professor, surveyed diverse teams of MBA students for four months as they worked together on class assignments. He found that students with similar job backgrounds were significantly less likely to trust each other than those with differing backgrounds. The theory is professional jealousy causes us to feel threatened. Ammeter suggests that during team-building, workers "exchange information about individuals' abilities and convey that their intentions are good for the team."

2008-03-19T13:41:00.009-04:00

The Business of Business Card Etiquette

Here's another "you can't make this stuff up" story...this one about business card etiquette. A friend told me after giving a new business contact her business card, he picked his teeth with it...in her presence. ewww. Can't think of anything else you can do with some one's business card to show more disrespect.

Most business people carry business cards. They are a common taken-for- granted business tool. But is also a business accessory; an opportunity to create a good impression. We take pride in our business card and should treat others' with respect. Keep your business cards clean and in an easily accessible place. Don't keep a potential client waiting awkwardly while you dig in a bag to pull out your dogeared dirty card. When you receive some one's card, treat it with respect. Look at it, comment on the design or title and then place it carefully in a portfolio or jacket breast pocket.

If you are not proud of your business card and have the option to redesign it, by all means do so.

2008-03-07T14:32:00.003-05:00

I recommend nothing other than what you need when you dine or attend a meeting be placed on the table because the items we carry around are dirty; cellphones, blackberries, handbags etc. Below is a story Valerie found making the...rather gross...point:

HANDBAGS...

It's something just about every woman carries with them. While we may know what’s inside our handbags, do you have any idea what's on the outside? Women carry handbags everywhere; from the office to public toilets to the floor of the car. It turns out handbags are so surprisingly dirty, even a microbiologist who tested them was shocked.

Microbiologist Amy Karen of Nelson Labs says nearly all of the handbags tested were not only high in bacteria, but high in harmful kinds of bacteria. Pseudomonas can cause eye infections, staphylococcus can cause serious skin infections, and salmonella and e-coli found on the handbags could make people very sick. So the moral of this story is that your handbag won't kill you, but it does have the potential to make you very sick if you keep it on places where you eat.

Use hooks to hang your handbag at home and in toilets, and don't put it on your desk, a restaurant table, or on your kitchen counter top. Think of your handbag the same way you think of your shoes.

2008-02-09T14:54:00.001-05:00

You Can't Make this Stuff Up

I hear great etiquette nightmare tales and some are worth sharing. This is true...a recruiter sent a graduate from a prestigious competitive university to an interview with a highly regarded financial services corporation. During the course of the interview, the young job candidate decided it was lunch time and ate a sandwich. It is a mystery why someone does not know that eating lunch during an interview is inappropriate.

And what is the hiring manager supposed to do when faced with that situation? If I was the interviewer I would stop the interview and tell the candidate if he wants to have lunch to do it on his own time, thank him for coming and show him the door.

2008-01-20T17:44:00.000-05:00

Manners vs. Etiquette

The words are used synonymously but there is a slight difference in their meaning. Etiquette refers to rules governing socially acceptable behavior. eg. dining etiquette refers to the correct way to set a table and dine. Manners generally refers to kind and acceptable behavior when interacting with others. The difference came to mind this week when I went to the Post Office to mail four packages; two envelopes, a small box and a slightly larger box with books...heavy. It was cold and of course I wanted to make one trip in and one trip out. I hope there wasn't a camera on me....but there was a man heading toward the PO who I saw out of the corner of my eye. First I dropped one envelope, picked it up...then another...picked it up...then the small box. I finally put the heavy box down pushed it against the wall with my foot, left it there to come back for and walked to the door. The man then sprinted to beat me to the door. Now there are no rules for how to behave when you are headed toward a PO and see someone struggling with her packages...but really? Would it have killed him to give me a hand? That situation called for manners...old fashioned gentlemanly manners. At the very least he could have held the door.

2008-01-16T14:11:00.000-05:00

While researching ancestors, by luck, the internet and amazing coincidence I found a third cousin on the other side of the continent who just a week ago introduced her newly published book, 101 Ways to Say Thank You - Notes of Gratitude for All Occasions by Kelly Browne So, if you are stuck, tongue tied or don't know how to thank someone for a perfectly awful gift, Kelly's book will guide you.

Holiday Thank You Notes

2008-01-11T17:51:00.000-05:00

You can imagine an etiquette expert has a fairly large list of pet peeves. I have a bunch. Among my top ten? Not acknowledging a gift with a thank you note. If you have not written your notes for the gifts you received during December then you better get to it. Entitlements do not require a thank you; gifts do. As an employee, vendor or client you are entitled to either a pay-check for work done, prompt payment for goods and services provided or good customer service. Employees, vendors and clients are not entitled to gifts. A gift is something given voluntarily, without payment in return, to show favor toward someone. The act is deserving of a thank you note.

So, it is rude not to do so. If a person or company is thoughtful and takes the time to acknowledge your friendship and business relationship by sending a gift, the person or company as a whole deserves to be thanked.

The giver has spent time and money to purchase the gift and send it to you. Have the courtesy to let him know you have received it.

You will look ungrateful and classless if you don't. It is not just polite and proper, it will shed light on you as a class act. Get some decent business stationery..nothing with cats or flowers...a good pen and take a half hour to put your gratitude to paper and send it to those who thought of you during the holidays. No, an email does not suffice.