Conversion Diary

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 59)

2009-11-20T00:00:00.009-06:00

--- 1 ---

Anyone have a good Advent calendar to recommend? I'm looking for some kind of interactive "calendar" to help us celebrate Advent, but have no idea where to start. There are so many options! Let me know if you have one that you love.

--- 2 ---

As an armchair nutritionist, I thought Rachel Balducci's post about how her chronic anxiety subsided when she quit drinking Diet Coke was so interesting. My own diet drink story is that there was this one time in my life when I suddenly had major candy cravings; I'd never been much of a candy person, but suddenly my desk at work was covered with Nerds, Gobstoppers and Sprees. I heard a theory that diet drinks raise insulin levels without raising blood sugar and therefore make you crave sweets, so I decided to cut them out to see what happened. The candy cravings went away and never came back. (Marilyn Shannon talks about this some in her awesome book Fertility, Cycles and Nutrition.) What are your thoughts on diet drinks?

--- 3 ---

Speaking of which, the other day I couldn't help but notice that I'd already drank half the carton of eggnog I'd just bought the day before (without alcohol, for the record), and that I craved it in a way that made me want to rip the door off of the refrigerator every time I thought about it. I was certain -- certain! -- that I must be craving the rich, thick goodness of fresh cream and nutmeg. Yes, yes, it must be the nutmeg that had me eyeing that old beer bong (from #7 here) every time the thought of eggnog came to mind. Surely this was not another case of delightful flavors that dazzled my tastebuds ending up being just flavored sugar. I even had a very clear visual of a farm wife standing in her homey farmhouse kitchen, pouring milk and cream from ceramic pitchers into a bowl and then hand-shaving a little nutmeg over it. (How we got from there to the tens of thousands of packaged cartons in area grocery stores, I'm not sure. But whatever.)

Anyway, alas, on an I'm-probably-going-to-regret-this whim, I turned the carton around to see that the first five ingredients were:

Milk, cream, high fructose corn syrup, sugar, corn syrup

Et tu, eggnog?

--- 4 ---

I thought this was a good post about being too attached to hyperconnectivity, in which the author challenges us to see if we could be content for a while day without Twitter, Facebook, texting, etc. What I found most amusing, though, was when she brought up the topic of St. Paul doing a status update as he wrote Philippians 4:11-13. It does sound kind of ridiculous when you think about reading:

paul In jail again. Writing to folks in Philippi (have to say, I like their jails better). Telling ppl about joy, unity; false teachers = bad.

--- 5 ---

I'm excited: I just ordered free business cards from Vistaprint. I find that it's so handy to have business cards with my name, phone number and email for when I meet new people when we're out and about, and this is a great/cheap way to do it. I ended up paying a few bucks for shipping and a couple add-ons, but ended up with hundreds of business cards for less than $10. Not bad! (I'm not receiving any compensation for saying this, by the way -- just a product I like.)

--- 6 ---

Anyone else feel like the old decluttering adage that "you'll never miss it!" is a total lie? I constantly miss stuff I gave away during decluttering. The latest is that I recently thought that I might actually start jogging occasionally, but then I remembered that I gave away my workout clothes in some overzealous decluttering spree, thinking triumphantly, "I haven't worn these in more than a year so therefore I don't need them! It's time to make peace with the fact that I hate exercise! Workout clothes, meet the Goodwill bin!"

Maybe the adage should be, "You'll never miss it!...Unless you're some fool who tends to make rash decisions without thinking through, in which case you'll end up keeping a bunch of garbage, throwing away stuff you actually need and then probably end up whining about it on your blog." Anyway, if you see someone in central Texas jogging in jeans, that would be me.

--- 7 ---

Next Thursday is our annual Christmas card picture taking day, which promises to be an epic event with four kids under age six. In years past there have been plenty of moments of the kids asking me through screams as we wrangle them into nice clothes why we have to do this, and I scream back that it's "SO THAT EVERYONE CAN SEE WHAT A HAPPY FAMILY WE ARE!"

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Below is a Mr. Linky list if you'd like to add a link to your own 7 Quick Takes post. (1) Make sure the link you submit is to the URL of your post and not your main blog URL. (2) Include a link back here.

I look forward to reading your posts!

How your prayers worked

2009-11-17T16:45:00.004-06:00

Before I went into the hospital to have baby Joy back in March, I asked for prayers. But, to be honest, I didn't know why I was asking for prayers.

That was a topic that had confused me from the beginning of my conversion. I could understand why each individual should have a prayer life since, as this great post on prayer explains, it helps you "put on the mind of Christ." But asking other people to pray for me? I wasn't sure what that was all about. It felt a little arrogant to think that God would answer my prayer for this or that outcome of events when so many people all over the world have bad things happen to them every day after having people pray for them.

I knew that I must be missing something, but I didn't know what it was. I continued to ask for prayers because I trusted that it must be good since the Church says it's good and everyone else seems to think it's good, but it wasn't something I put much stock in (other than deeply appreciating the kindness of other people thinking of me during prayer, of course) because I didn't get it.

Nevertheless, I had tons of people praying for me that March day -- more than have ever prayed for me in my life! I was overwhelmed with all the kind posts from other bloggers, emails and comments in which I read of all the wonderful people keeping me in their prayers. Again, I figured that this must be a good thing, even beyond the basic act of kindness of thinking positive thoughts for another person, but I just wasn't sure how or why.

As I got hooked up to the IV's and circulation boots and monitors for yet another high-risk birth, there were a lot of things about the situation that were less than ideal. For one thing, it was a bit of a surprise that I was there in the first place. It also ended up that the epidural didn't fully work -- again! -- leaving one part of my body numb and paralyzed and the other in excruciating pain for what seemed like 1,000 hours.

And yet, through it all, I was filled with this inexplicable joy and peace. When I talked to the doctors and nurses, I was equally interested in the precious opportunity to show love to other human beings as I was interested in talking about the details of the birth. When the baby arrived I felt like, for the first time, I could simply sit in awe at the gift of new human life without worrying about what the next few days might hold. In my hospital room I had a smile on my face almost the whole time, despite being in pain and exhausted. I was in this weird, uncharacteristic frame of mind where I saw my own tribulations as not nearly as important as the opportunity to love -- to love God, the doctors, the nurses, my husband, the baby, the pediatrics nurse who kept using a short tone of voice with me -- just love! Even at the worst parts of my physical suffering during the labor, though I wasn't conscious of much of anything other than hearing my own voice scream "AAAAAAHHH!!!", I didn't have the panic and despair that I've experienced before when in pain during childbirth.

As I hobbled around my hospital room a few hours after the birth, still unable to walk well because of the partial paralysis from the epidural, hunched over in pain, I marveled at this joyous state of mind I'd had since the moment I entered the hospital. It was one of the best things I've ever experienced, a magical feeling of being so filled with the peace of God's presence that nothing troubled me. Where on earth had this all-too-rare ability to trust God so fully and focus so much on loving others come from?! Suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks:

Your prayers.

I knew without a doubt that this experience of being brought so close to God was thanks to your prayers. It was as if my own selfishness and sinfulness had created a smoke screen that usually prevented me from seeing the world through the clear eyes of Christ, and that every single prayer said on my behalf was a little puff breath to blow the smoke away.

Did the prayers "work" in terms of changing the course of events to be more in line with my will? I'm not sure, because I haven't thought much about it. After that experience, the question of whether or not prayer "works" to change the course of events has been rendered almost irrelevant in my mind. Because now that I've seen the power of prayer to allow someone a better glimpse of God himself, I would never want anything less.

How I reduced my email stress by 80%

2009-11-16T07:43:00.010-06:00

Too Many Emails, Not Enough Time

When I started my internet fast last month, email had become the bane of my existence.

I had 1,046 unanswered emails in my inbox -- none of it spam -- and new emails flooding in every day. I constantly worried about events or to-do items I might be forgetting because they were lost in the abyss of my inbox. Something had to give.

The situation seemed hopeless because the root problem is that I just don't have as much time as I need to stay on top of email, and unless God finally answers my prayers to institute a 28-hour day, there's nothing I can do about that. But after a lot of thinking and praying about all this during the fast, I came up with some ideas to help me minimize my email stress, even if I still don't have time to reply to them all. I've been trying out these ideas for more than a month now and they've worked wonders for me, so I thought I'd share my new system in case anyone else has similar struggles:

Creating Space for Lingering Emails

I've always used folders for filing old emails I want to keep, but I realized that I needed a new category of folders. I already had ones like RECIPES for recipes people emailed me, CONTACT INFO for emails that contained people's contact info I wanted to keep, etc. but I added two more that really helped me clear a lot of items out of my inbox: ADD TO TO-DO LIST and TO-DO LIST REFERENCE.

ADD TO TO-DO LIST is a folder where I move emails that have an action item on it that I have not yet dealt with, e.g. if I get an email that I need to update my credit card on an online account but can't do it right then. Then, when I do my weekly planning each week, I take a moment to glance through that folder and see what needs to be added to my to-do list.

TO-DO LIST REFERENCE is a folder where I put emails that contain information I might need to access in the short-term to get through items on my to-do list, such as directions to an upcoming party or the registry info for someone for whom I need to buy a baby shower gift. I usually move emails from ADD TO TO-DO LIST to this one after I've written them on my weekly to-do list.

Both of these folders have been a great help in keeping my inbox from getting bloated.

The Big Breakthrough: Creating Low-Stress Inboxes

This was the big breakthrough for me that changed everything: Creating separate inboxes to take low-stress emails out of my main inbox. Here's what I mean by that:

As I was glancing through my 1,046-item inbox after the fast, I noticed that a larger percentage of them were emails I didn't need to worry about too much for various reasons: Some were from good friends and family members whom I could easily pick up the phone and call to see if I was missing anything; others were just email lists I'm on that require no action from me; and others were from blog readers which, while they were very important to me, I didn't need to stress about because I've alerted readers to the fact that it's hard for me to keep up with email.

Based on this, I created new, separate inbox folders according to the following rules:

Anyone from whom I often receive more than three emails per day whom I know well enough to have a quick phone call with gets his or her own inbox. (This does not include friends or family whom I might be close to but haven't spoken to in a while and therefore would feel rude calling without a more lengthy catchup conversation.)
Groups of people from whom I typically get more than two emails per day and know well enough to have a quick phone call with get their own inbox (e.g. local friends).
Groups from whom I typically get more than two emails per day and don't need to stress about too much get their own inboxes (e.g. lists I'm on, blog email).

I then created rules so that incoming emails would be filtered into the various inboxes.

How it Works

To see what it all looks like in practice, let me walk you through my old way of dealing with email: Let's say I checked my email at noon on a Monday. I'd look at my inbox folder to see something like this:

INBOX (47)

In addition to the zillions of other emails lingering in my inbox, I'd now have 47 new emails from that morning deal with (I have a good spam filter, so none of that would be spam). I'd know that not very many of these emails were high-stress, but with them all mixed together -- and new ones coming in all the time -- I'd start to feel overwhelmed immediately. I'd delete a few, move a few to folders, but end up leaving most of them in my inbox either because I hadn't had time to reply to them yet, or because I needed to keep them around as a reminder to do something. It was a perfect recipe for ending up with more than 1,000 emails in my inbox.

Here's how it looks now. Let's take this same scenario of checking my email where I have 47 new items. Here's what I'd see with my new system:

INBOX (9)
INBOX - BLOG (5)
INBOX - DAD (5)
INBOX - FRIENDS (9)
INBOX - HUSBAND (7)
INBOX - LISTS (6)
INBOX - MOM (3)
INBOX - YAYA (3)

Now I can see at a glance how many emails I have in the various low-stress categories. It's helpful to me to have all the individual inboxes, rather than having one inbox called INBOX - LOW-STRESS EMAILS or something like that, because I can immediately see if there's anyone whose emails I'm getting behind on, and can deal with it accordingly (e.g. if my INBOX - DAD folder starts piling up with new emails, I can just pick up the phone and call him to ask if there's anything urgent I'm missing).

Now I can use my very limited email time more wisely. In this scenario, I might see in my main INBOX a couple of semi-urgent emails, such as an important question from my agent, a "nice to meet you" email from someone whom I met at a recent get-together whom I'd promised I'd send some information, and an email from an aunt asking for help with something. I'd reply to those immediately. Then, as my email time slips by all too quickly, I could hurry through the other inboxes and move any action items to my ADD TO TO-DO LIST folder (e.g. an email from my husband asking me to call his student loan provider with a question), and reply to as many as possible.

Inevitably my time would run out before I could get through all the emails, but with this new system I won't stress about it as much because I'll be able to see that most of the un-dealt-with emails are in low-stress categories.

I've been using this system for more than a month now, and I cannot believe how much it has reduced my email stress -- and therefore my general stress level. I still face the problem that I'm bad at decision-making and therefore it takes me a long time to go through emails, and that I just don't have the time I'd need to really stay on top of it all, but I would say that this system has reduced my email stress by at least 80%.

I use Microsoft Outlook as my email program, but any of this could be done in all the main email systems like Gmail, Yahoo, etc. To find out how to do any of the things I mentioned above in your email program, you could Google something like create folders in [name of your email provider].

I hope this is helpful to others who might also be fighting the email beast. Anyone else have any good email tips?

RELATED

12 Rules for Getting a Grip on Massive Email (ProBlogger)
An "Inbox Zero" presentation for Google employees (Lifehacker)
From 10000 to 0 Emails in an Inbox in 24 Hours (ProBlogger)
five.sentenc.es (I've seen people add this URL to their email signature to explain why their emails are short)

Undiscovered gems: The Philosopher Mom

2009-11-14T14:10:00.003-06:00

The first blog I want to introduce you to for my Undiscovered Gems series is The Philosopher Mom. I just love the way she shares her extensive knowledge of philosophy and theology and makes it all relevant to the everyday life of a mom. Her blog first became a favorite when she did a series of posts about Teresa of Avila's "mansions" of the soul, from which I gained so much great knowledge about spiritual growth (the first post is here, the entire series is here).

Her writing has become an even greater source of inspiration for me lately, however, as she candidly discusses her struggles with a hyperemesis gravidarum pregnancy, where she is so sick that her children have had to go live with her mother for a while. Her simple, two-paragraph post about prayer during suffering had me wiping tears from my eyes; I thought her reflections on how openness to life is a call to all of us, even people not currently having kids, were nothing short of profound; and her stirring thoughts on what she'd learned about self-control vs. obedience were a major "ah-hah!" moment for me.

She also hit the nail on the head when she wrote about fear and having kids, why we should read fiction and the life lessons she learned in 2008.

A big "thank you!" to the Philosopher Mom for all her great posts, and I hope you all enjoy browsing through her writing as much as I do!

Undiscovered Gems

2009-11-14T14:00:00.003-06:00

I'm going to start a completely sporadic series of posts where I highlight some of my favorite "undiscovered gem" blogs, i.e. blogs that have excellent content but that might not be considered big in terms of having tons of traffic. (The random criteria I came up with to define "undiscovered" is if it has fewer than 100 Google Reader subscribers.)

I've wanted to do this for a while, since so often I'll be reading something on my feed reader and think, "This blog is so good! More people need to be reading it!" Also, I've had various blogs going back to 2004, and I've always noticed that it seems like a lot of blogs that do have a fair amount of traffic primarily link to other high-traffic blogs, and when you're not "one of them" you start to feel like you're stuck in some kind of small blog ghetto. Or maybe that's just me.

Anyway, I'm not sure how often I'll do these posts -- maybe once or twice a month? -- but I hope that you all enjoy these glimpses into some of my favorite undiscovered gems in the online world!

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 58)

2009-11-13T00:00:00.010-06:00

--- 1 ---

I switched my main calendar to Google Calendar, and I love it. It's easy to add events, simple to view other calendars (like friends' calendars, Catholic feast day calendars, etc.), and you can set up email reminders for events. Also, I have it set as my home page on my browser so that every time I get online it forces me to look at my calendar. It's really helped me stay on top of everything!

--- 2 ---

On Tuesday we went to the inaugural banquet for the Austin Coalition for Life. It was a lot of fun. One of the coolest parts was that I got to chat with Abby Johnson, the Planned Parenthood director and 2008 employee of the year who recently had a change of heart and left her position. Some pictures:

With Abby Johnson, former Planned Parenthood director

With Carolyn Larochelle, a 40 Days for Life sidewalk counselor and leadership team member

With Kim Speirs of Majella Society, Joe Geisler of Theology on Tap, and Joe's friend Brandi

--- 3 ---

I found another great two-meal combo:

We get a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store and use the meat as a main course with veggies, or we add it into rice and beans or tacos.
Then I use the leftover meat and bones to make a delicious homemade chicken soup per the simple instructions in the first comment here -- and it makes enough for a couple of dinners.

It's easy, cheap, healthy and delicious!

--- 4 ---

My mother-in-law Yaya swears up and down that potty training used to be easier. She says that it seems like most kids in the 1960s and '70s were out of diapers by age two-and-a-half, and that potty training wasn't the epic battle it is today. It's hard for me to imagine that that could be true, especially as I have yet another three-year-old who is completely resistant to potty training, but I've heard other people of her generation make this claim as well. Anyone have any thoughts on that? Could that possibly be true, and, if so, why?

--- 5 ---

I am determined to make the Christmas season less stressful this year. To be honest, I did not really enjoy Advent and Christmas as much as I could have last year because I was so overwhelmed and stressed out. Some things I'm doing differently this year are:

In November, having a serious sit-down talk with my husband where we decide what we can really afford to spend on presents (rather than doing the disastrous "guesstimating what I'm spending as I go along" method I usually use).
Using cash to buy presents to help keep us on budget (if I must buy something online I'll re-deposit the cash to cover it).
Making a list of what I'm going to get for whom now instead of waiting until the last minute.
Cutting out "little extras" that seem like a good idea but always end up overwhelming me (e.g. baking decorative cookies for friends and family, hosting a Christmas party, etc.) I hope to re-incorporate these things in future years, but, as I've learned, keeping your sanity in this phase of life is all about ruthless prioritization.

Anyone else have good tips for making the holiday season less stressful?

--- 6 ---

Even though I'm still holding out on getting a Facebook account, I've developed a ridiculous sort of "poor man's Facebook" where a friend of mine calls and reads me notable status updates. Embarrassingly, for about 30 minutes last Saturday night I just listened as she read me writer Simcha Fischer's status updates from the past week. I was laughing so hard that I contemplated getting a Facebook account under a fake name just to follow Simcha. But, knowing me, it would turn in to this horribly awkward situation where Simcha and I end up chatting back and forth and becoming friends under my fake name and then it comes out that it's me and that I was using this alias only to follow her and restraining orders get involved and...yeah. Terrible idea.

--- 7 ---

Some people have asked me how the book rewrite is going. Unfortunately, I'm making very little progress right now since I'm so busy just keeping things in basic order here at the house -- and with the holidays coming up, I doubt I'll be making up for lost time any time soon. It's frustrating to have this cool opportunity and not be able to act on it as quickly as I want to, but it's a good (if a little painful) exercise in trusting God.

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1. Genny - Casts, Cats, and Making a Difference
2. Tami @ The Next Step
3. Fr. Christian Mathis
4. Gae
5. It Feels Like Chaos
6. Kathy @ Political Housewyf
7. Enbrethiliel @ Shredded Cheddar
8. Kathryn (Bookworm)
9. Mary @ Passionate Perseverance
10. Sarah Reinhard
11. DebbieQ @ stophershesknitting
12. Elizabeth Mahlou
13. Cheryl (My Thoughtful Spot)
14. Mary @ Hope Echoes
15. Lindsay@MySymphony
16. EV
17. Emily J
18. becomewhatyouare
19. Sara @ AShowerofRoses
20. TwoSquareMeals
21. leah @ abundant life
22. Jill
23. Sarah @ This Heavenly Life
24. Janet @ Domestic Bliss
25. Happy Geek
26. (just) Lenae
27. Rachael @ More Than a Mom on a Mission
28. Amanda
29. Tracy@magnolia cul-de-sac
30. Elena @My Domestic church
31. Karen @ Flash Light
32. Sarah & SoJo Blog

33. ThatMarriedCouple
34. Trena @ The Third Prayer
35. ChrisV
36. Jaime @ UndertheFigTree
37. Chelsea @ Roots & Rings
38. AbFabGeek
39. Sarah Johnson
40. Dawn @ Letters To My Children
41. Holly @ Hollison Journey
42. violingirl
43. Annemarie
44. Mrs Bubbles
45. Joy in the Journey
46. Jordana @ Curmudgeonry
47. Judy@A Thankful Woman's Book of Blessings
48. Deanna@Notlukewarm
49. Kim @talklesssaymore
50. Sarah @ Fumbling Toward Grace
51. Missus Wookie
52. Kacy @ Meandering Home
53. erin@a new song
54. majellamom
55. Lisa@Dear Mary
56. Ranee @ Arabian Knits (Giveaway)
57. udubalum mama
58. el-e-e @ hello, self
59. Becky @Beck's Three
60. Christine the Soccer Mom
61. Kim @ Love Letter to my Kids
62. Dakotapam
63. Joy@ joy in the morning
64. Transitus Tiber

65. Salome Ellen
66. Julia@ Blessed Obscurity
67. kim @ baby yahyah
68. Very Sleepy People
69. Christina@Mrs. Broccoli Guy
70. Theresa @ Off Topic
71. JoAnna @ A Star of Hope
72. Therese@Musings of a Mom
73. Therese@Musings of a Mom
74. Emily
75. Katherine @ The Domestic Church
76. Emily @My Song of Joy
77. Papua Girl in Dallas
78. Aubrey @ Laughing All the Way
79. Nicole @ As Many As We're Given
80. Anna @ Annalogue
81. Marie, Two Ways of Renouncing the Devil
82. dashoff
83. Christian H @ The Thinking Grounds
84. nadja@patch o' dirt farm
85. NCSue
86. Miriel @ seeking Solomon
87. Jennifer Frey
88. KC
89. Angie @ Many Little Blessings
90. Jen @ The Short Years
91. Kathleen@So Much To Say, So Litle Time
92. Natatomic
93. Gillian @ Life of a Photographer
94. Krysta

Eulogy for a friend

2009-11-11T10:54:00.007-06:00

The following is a piece that my father wrote for the memorial of his dear friend, astronomer O. Richard Norton, author of the great book Rocks from Space: Meteorites and Meteorite Hunters, who died this past summer. I thought it was so touching that I wanted to share it with you all.

By Don Bishop (my dad)

I first met Richard in 1977 when he was teaching an astronomy night class in Tucson. I was in awe of him because he was the first real astronomer I had ever met. Little did I know just how awed I would eventually be. We got to know each other during the class and sometimes I would stay after to discuss or argue a point from the lecture. Richard told me of his slide business, and he needed some pictures of the northern Arizona volcano fields for the geology section. I told him I had an airplane, so when did he want to go. He was excited as only Richard could be.

A couple of weekends later, when my wife and daughter were away visiting family, we took off and headed north. We flew over Sedona so he could get some aerial shots of the red rock area. Finally we reached Sunset Crater and the other volcanoes with their dark lava flows contrasting with the light desert sand. He sat in the back seat to avoid getting the wing strut in the shots and poked his camera out the window over my shoulder. He would holler instructions over the wind noise to bank steeper, get lower, climb higher. Richard was not concerned with the laws of aerodynamic flight, he needed some good shots.

By early afternoon we were done and headed south to Tucson. Back at his house Richard went into the darkroom to develop the film and I went to the store and got steaks and wine. We ate the steaks then went out to the patio and there, as the stars started to appear in the deepening twilight, we finished the wine and talked of stars and galaxies and quasars and the mysteries of the Cosmos. A day of pure magic.

Several months later he needed more pictures. He wanted shots of whole constellations or star groups but needed a guiding telescope atop which he could mount the camera for long exposures. His homemade Newtonian was too big to fit in a car so we loaded my eight-inch Celestron and headed for Kitt Peak. Richard, of course, knew where the gate key was hidden so we drove in and set up the Celestron almost in the starlight shadow of the four-meter telescope that was Kitt Peak's flagship.

After he would make an exposure, sometimes we needed to wait for another subject to rise higher over the horizon, he would almost shout, "You want to see something really neat?" Without any reference at all he would point the telescope in a new direction. "Wow, would you look at that!" he would say, but I couldn't "look at that" because he wouldn't give up the scope. Here was a man who had seen whatever this object was through some of the largest telescopes, yet he was like an excited kid to see it again.

And of course there was Richard being funny without meaning to be. As he got more serious about meteorites and acquired more, he gave me an egg-sized nickel iron that came from Meteor Crater in northern Arizona. I stared at it in amazement. Here was a piece of the 100 foot diameter chunk of iron that came from the interior of an exploding planet, had traveled unknown millions of years and miles to finally impact in Arizona 50,000 years ago.

Richard said it was called a Canyon Diablo meteorite because it was found west of the crater near Canyon Diablo. In a flash of engineer's intuitive logic I said, "So that means the meteor came in from the east, impacted and the horizontal momentum carried the ejecta to the west." I was impressed with myself.

Richard simply said, "No, the west side is where you can collect them without being caught by the Park Service."

Now that Richard is gone, I realize that I will be missing more than just one of the best friends I ever had. Since the news of Richard's malady and imminent demise I have spent a lot of time thinking how special and unique he really was. I use the term "magic" a lot regarding Richard, but that's what he was.

Over the years I have often told my daughter I needed to visit Richard and Dorothy periodically to get my "science fix." The visit with my wife and daughter some years ago was wonderful. We spoke of fossils and stars and meteorites and they were the perfect hosts. Richard proudly showed me his Martian meteorite. When I was working in Idaho I visited for a long weekend and attended one of the concerts. Sunday morning Richard drove me to the airport in the snow. We said a rather casual goodbye and I got on the plane. Little did I know that would be the last time I ever saw him.

I was looking forward to visiting again when my current project is over, but now that will never be. As Richard drifts away to join his stars, there will never be another time and my life will be sadder for it. But I will never again see a meteor streak across the sky without thinking, "There goes the soul of Richard Norton. He was my friend."

Souvenirs of the good life

2009-11-09T12:32:00.006-06:00

Last week I noticed that one of our nice wine glasses is getting worn. When I picked up the paper-thin Riedel Vinum that my husband and I got when we visited Erath Vineyards back in 2002, I noticed that the logo was beginning to fade -- and, oddly, I smiled.

My own reaction caught me off guard. This was one of about fourteen glasses we have from the various wineries we visited back in our travel days, and I've spent years carefully protecting them so that we could have perfectly-preserved reminders of all those great moments in tasting rooms throughout the world. It seemed like my reaction should have been to rush the glass off to a secluded shelf somewhere to prevent further wear and tear; instead, I poured in a little cabernet sauvignon and sat down with my husband to have a lively post-kid-bedtime chat about our days.

As we laughed and talked, I kept catching glimpses of that worn logo. Finally, I figured out why it filled me with warmth to see the wear and tear on this glass:

Because this would not have happened before our conversion.

Had we stayed on the track we were on instead of converting to Catholicism, this wine glass would be safely tucked away in a cabinet somewhere, the pristine letters of the logo looking not a bit different than the day we took it from the tasting room. The wear and tear on the glass was deeply symbolic of how our outlook on life has changed since our conversion -- and how much better our lives are because of it.

Happiness and "Bucket Lists"

The way I used to see it, life was measured by the number and type of experiences you had, how many cool things you did. Like most people, I had a "bucket list," a collection of experiences I wanted to have and things I wanted to do before I died. Mine was actually in Excel spreadsheet form, broken down by five-year, 10-year, 20-year and longer-term goals. The way I saw it, the more items a person could cross off their bucket list, the better life they would have.

When my husband and I first started dating, we crossed a lot of things off of our lists. We took one first-class flight after another to various parts of the world, often choosing our travel destinations based on vineyards we wanted to visit since we both loved wine. We ate at countless fancy restaurants, visited great cultural sites, explored new parts of the world and had the thrill of walking into the headquarters of distant wineries whose products we'd been drinking at home. And yet, throughout all this, I never felt any more satisfied with my life than before we started traveling; if anything, I think I felt less satisfied as I continually discovered new places I wanted to visit and new experiences I wanted to have.

The more cool stuff we did, the more I became aware of the frustrating truth that all of these things were fleeting. I'd be gazing at the majestic Andes from the balcony of the Argentinean winery Bodega Norton, soaking in the moment...and then the thought that we had to pack our bags and go home in three days would pop into mind like a lead balloon. As one second ticked by after another getting me closer to the moment when this cool experience would be no longer, I would think about how the only lasting thing I had from these moments were my memories.

And so the wine glasses were important. They were tangible pieces of my good experiences; and since having good experiences was the meaning of life, they were very valuable. I would occasionally open our kitchen cabinet to see it crammed full of wine glasses imprinted with the names of wineries from all over the world, and I would feel confident that I had a good life. I must, after all -- look at all this proof of the fun experiences I had!

A New Outlook

After I became a Christian, my outlook changed. Thanks to Christian teaching, I came to see quality of life as measured not by the number of fun things you do, but by how much you love -- period. I came to believe that even if you lived your whole life in the same small town, if you took every opportunity to open yourself to love -- even to people you didn't like, even when it felt uncomfortable -- that your life would be not only better but even more exciting than someone who spent her life jet-setting around to exotic destinations all over the world in pursuit of experiences.

I deleted that "bucket list" goals spreadsheet, and my husband and I stopped spending so much time thinking about how we could do cool stuff and started thinking about how we could better serve God at each moment by loving the people around us right here, right now. Sure enough, I found that "fun," in and of itself, doesn't last; but love does. I finally started to feel that lasting satisfaction I'd been searching for in all the travel and parties and fancy winery tours.

And, somewhere along the way, we started getting those wine glasses out.

Instead of letting them collect dust as we clung to memories of fun experiences gone by, we'd get out these souvenir glasses, the nicest we owned, to celebrate the little opportunities to love in daily life such as long, interesting conversations at the the end of another crazy week or the chance to toast friends who came over for a pizza dinner. And with all the life in our house, the glasses started getting some serious wear and tear. The Clos Pegase glass got broken when my mom was doing dishes when I was in the hospital with baby Joy; the base of the Ferrari-Carano one got chipped when the neighbor girls were playing at the sink with my kids; the Concha y Toro glass we brought back from Santiago got cracked during some dinner with friends where there were about eight kids under age seven running around; and I've started just throwing them in the dishwasher since life is so full and busy that I never have time to wash them by hand.

I realized as I looked at my worn Erath glass last week that it still represents the most important thing in life to me, but now for different reasons. Before I valued it because it was a static symbol, a dusty representation of a cool personal experience gone by; now I valued it because it was a tool for truly rich living, something we used as part of connecting with and loving fellow human beings in everyday life.

Christianity taught me that life is not a measure of how much you do, but how much you love. And as I look at my faded wine glass, its letters etched away during toasts made in friends' honor over the sounds of giggly children, quiet moments by the fireplace at the end of a long week, hot summer nights with family members laughing and talking around the grill, I think that the more the name of that luxury vineyard gets worn off, the better life I've lived.

RELATED

The Saturday Evening Blog Post

2009-11-07T12:47:00.004-06:00

Once again it's time for ~~Shameless Self-Promotion Saturday~~ The Saturday Evening Blog Post, where Elizabeth Esther asks bloggers to submit their favorite post from the past month from their own blogs. This month I chose my post about what I learned from my computer fast since those lessons continue to impact my life in a big way. Head on over to Elizabeth's place to read some great stuff or submit your own link!

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 57)

2009-11-06T00:00:00.012-06:00

--- 1 ---

We had the flu run through the house this week, hence the infrequent posting. We had a very similar experience to what B-Mama at Building Cathedrals describes here, where we all got sick a few days after my two- and three-year-old daughters got the swine flu nasal mist vaccine. They say that the live viruses in the vaccine can't cause the flu, but I have to wonder about the timing. Anyway, what are you guys doing about flu vaccines this year?

--- 2 ---

One funny thing that came of me being sick is that I lost my voice. It certainly set a different tone for the house, and it was really cute how the kids kept answering me in whispers. But it was also exasperating when they'd be into some mischief and I couldn't raise my voice to get their attention. You should have seen the delighted looks on their faces when I saw them pouring out Cheerios onto the kitchen floor from across the room and all I could do was wave my hands and whisper for them to stop.

--- 3 ---

I finally bought Four Witnesses after reading a bunch of reviews that basically said "I WILL CUT OFF MY RIGHT ARM IN PROTEST IF YOU DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK!!!!" Well, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but people seemed to really like it. I'm only about 30 pages in, but now I see why.

Rod Bennett does an incredible job of weaving in the writings of the earliest Christians with historical context about what was going on in the time and place in which they lived, and the result is a fascinating look into history that reads like a good novel. The only down side is that stayed up way too late last night reading it. A huge thank you to everyone who recommended it!

--- 4 ---

I've figured out what I believe is the best invention in the history of humankind. The wheel? Eh, it's OK, but no. The printing press? Sure, I guess that was nice and all, but no. No, the by far greatest thing that the human mind has ever created is: That yellow line that indicates first down for football television broadcasts.

Who's with me on that? I mean, you just can't even quantify how much joy that technology has brought to the human experience. And can you imagine how many free beers you could get bought for you if you walked into random sports bars and announced, "I'm the dude who invented the yellow line!" Anyway, here's a cool video on how it works:

--- 5 ---

How did it take me four babies to learn about the awesomeness that is Baby Mum Mum crackers? I'm buying stock in these things. They have saved my sanity on many a crazy morning when I'm trying to get the three toddlers fed and the baby is hungry too -- I can toss her a Baby Mum Mum and she'll happily chew on it for a couple minutes until I can get her her breakfast. And -- here's the best part -- it's not messy! It doesn't turn into that mysterious sticky super-substance that seems to actually morph into the fabric of clothing like so many other teething crackers do! If you have a finger-foods-aged baby, I highly recommend them. (There was some talk of a recall , but evidently it's cool now.)

--- 6 ---

My 95-year-old grandfather is cooking dinner for us again this weekend. I'm not sure what's on the menu for this weekend, but here's a glimpse of what we had last time:

Prime steaks

Potatoes au gratin

Zucchini "spaghetti"

--- 7 ---

A friend mentioned that she's working hard this week to get her house all decluttered and clean to start the holiday season the right way. I love that idea. If I can ever get over being sick I might just have to do that myself. Anyone else doing any cool holiday prep stuff?

Have a good weekend, everyone!

------------------------

1. It Feels Like Chaos
2. Peace Garden Mama
3. Aubrey @ Laughing All the Way
4. Gae
5. carrien (she laughs at the days)
6. Therese (Aussie Coffee Shop)
7. Tami @ The Next Step
8. Mary @ Passionate Perseverance
9. Laura @ HS JOY
10. Erin@Seven Little Australians Plus One
11. DebbieQ@stophershesknitting
12. Mama Fuss
13. Deanna@Notlukewarm
14. Dawn Farias @ I Hate Socks
15. Pharmgirl @ Adventures in Pharm Land
16. Ladyofthelakes
17. Julia@ Blessed Obscurity
18. EV
19. Dymphna @ the Well
20. ChrisV
21. Trena
22. leah @ abundant life
23. Amanda
24. Judy@A Thankful Woman's Book of Blessings
25. PapuaGirlinDallas
26. Joy@ joy in the morning
27. Sara @ AShowerOfRoses
28. Barbara @ These Things
29. Marie, Two Ways of Renouncing the Devil
30. Mary @ HopeEchoes

31. Kathlen
32. ThatMarriedCouple
33. Chelsea @ Roots & Rings
34. Colleen
35. Janet @ Domestic Bliss
36. Darren and Sara Jones
37. nadja@patch o' dirt farm
38. Rebecca
39. Lindsay
40. Becky @Beck's Three
41. Elisa @ Elisa Loves
42. majellamom
43. violingirl (Christmas)
44. Transitus Tiber
45. Kacy @ Meandering Home
46. Sarah @ Fumbling Toward Grace
47. Holly @ Hollison Journey
48. Tracy@The Secret of Living
49. Therese@Musings of a Mom
50. Esther @ The Mommy Diaries
51. Matching Moonheads
52. Elizabeth Mahlou
53. KC
54. udubalum mama
55. Fr. Christian Mathis
56. A Broader Mark
57. Aimee@ The Mother Load
58. Ranee @ Arabian Knits
59. Exultet - 7 Fulton Sheen quotations
60. dashoff

61. Dakotapam
62. theRosyGardener
63. Melodie
64. Jamie
65. Kathryn @ Suitable For Mixed Company
66. Smoochagator
67. Sarah @ This Heavenly Life
68. Jaime
69. Stephany Writes
70. becomewhatyouare
71. Rebecca
72. Jen @ The Short Years
73. Jennifer
74. leighann_marquiss@yahoo.com
75. Kate @ La Vita Bella
76. Very Sleepy People
77. Lindsey (with links)
78. Jennifer Frey
79. natatomic
80. Amy @ From the Desk of Mom
81. Arwen @ ABC Family
82. suburbancorrespondent
83. Anna @ Annalogue
84. Miriel @ seeking Solomon...
85. Kalynne Pudner
86. The Philosopher-Mom
87. NCSue
88. Elena @My Domestic church
89. Seeking to be worth far more than rubies
90. Box Full of Blessings

Empowered birth

2009-11-02T23:23:00.006-06:00

My male readers saw this title and thought, "Oh, no, chick talk!" Sorry, guys. To make it up to you, here's a link to pictures of the 10 greatest moments in the NFL. Anyway, quite a few friends who are pregnant with their first children have been asking me about childbirth, so I thought I'd do a post about it to collect all my thoughts in one place. Here we go!

Discovering "Empowered" Birth

I used to be horrified by the idea of childbirth. In movies and TV shows I'd seen all these depictions of women in labor as screaming, confused and helpless, lying flat on their backs on hospital beds, hooked up to IV tubes, begging their doctors to rescue them from this awful situation. It sounded horrible.

Shortly before I became pregnant with my first child, however, I came across writing from people who boldly claimed that birth does not need to be treated as a medical emergency, that it is a perfectly natural process that typically requires little to no medical intervention. They talked about "empowered birth," the idea that it's better for both mom and baby when women take charge of their own childbirth experience. I pored over great books like The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way and The Sears' Birth Book and became not only less fearful but hopeful and even a little excited about the idea of giving birth. I became a walking encyclopedia of statistics about hospitals' disturbingly high rates of cesarean sections, episiotomies, use of forceps, etc., and I shook my head at how often women were encouraged to get epidurals rather than being given the support to work with their bodies to have a natural birth that would leave them free of the risks and side effects that came with epidurals.

When I found out I was pregnant with my first child I signed up for a Bradley Method class and made an appointment at the local midwife-staffed birthing center. I was going to have one of these empowered births I'd heard so much about.

The birthing center was not in a hospital and had no major medical equipment on-site so going there was basically a homebirth, just at someone else's home (we lived in a downtown loft that wasn't exactly the most ideal place for childbirth, otherwise I would have had the baby at my place). When I finally went into labor on a warm September evening, I didn't have any worries. I'd done so much research on childbirth that I felt like I knew what to expect, and I was happy to be going to the birthing center where the midwives would allow me to be in control of my own birth.

Seventeen hours later, however, I didn't feel quite so confident. It turned out that the baby was compound presentation, meaning his fist was up against the side of his head, which made labor extremely painful and difficult. None of my Bradley techniques for pain management worked, and the last five hours of labor were excruciating beyond description. When my son was finally born I was so exhausted and stressed that I only vaguely remember those first few hours with him. I went home about four hours after he was born, so tired that I was borderline delusional.

A Change of Plans

When I found out I was pregnant with our second child, I planned to go to the birthing center again. None of the hospitals in our city allowed midwives to have hospital privileges at the time, so a midwife birth in a hospital wasn't an option. Even if it had been, I doubt I would have considered it. I'd unintentionally fallen into a sort of "us vs. them" mentality when it came to childbirth, and, ironically, in my zeal for empowerment I'd limited my own options by developing a very narrow view of what birth should look like.

But then, a monkeywrench was thrown into my plans.

When I was eight months pregnant I developed a life-threatening blood clot in my right leg called a deep vein thrombosis (DVT). To make matters worse, testing revealed that I have a genetic blood clotting disorder called Factor II which makes pregnancy and birth dangerous for me. Both my midwives and the physician who diagnosed the DVT agreed that I had to have a hospital birth with an obstetrician who specialized in high-risk cases, with additional monitoring by a hematologist. I did my homework on the risks involved and agreed: I'd never be able to have an out-of-hospital birth again.

After the first obstetrician's appointment I found out that labor would have to be induced in order to manage my blood thinning medications, I'd have to be hooked up to an IV, and I would have to wear special circulation-boosting boots that would keep me tethered to the hospital bed. In other words, I'd be the classic "woman strapped down to hospital bed at the mercy of her doctors." I started sobbing. I was grateful that my daughter would be OK, but felt angry and frustrated that my dreams for having a natural, empowered birth had basically been flushed down the toilet.

When the big day rolled around it was all overwhelming -- I'd just met this doctor, had never even visited this hospital, and I'd been in too much pain from the DVT to research what to expect from a hospital birth. I felt completely helpless. I ended up getting an epidural at the very end of labor because the nurse seemed to think that I would need it, though looking back I think I could have done without it. The overall experience was fine -- the doctor and nurses were friendly, and I was happy that the baby and I made it through safely -- and I sadly accepted the idea that all that empowered birth stuff just wasn't an option for me anymore.

Finding Real Empowerment

Baby number three came along shortly after baby number two, and this time I felt a little more comfortable going to the hospital. I'd gotten to know my doctor better and I knew what to expect this time. I ended up opting to get an epidural, and this time it was without any pressure from anyone. I just wanted it. Once again, in the end I felt that I had missed out on something because it was such a thoroughly "medicalized" birth from beginning to end, and especially because I'd gotten an epidural and therefore given up a lot of control of the process. I had wistful thoughts about being able to go back to the autonomy that came with natural childbirth.

But when I walked into the now-familiar hospital to have baby number four, after making a few jokes about needing one of those frequent customer punchcards ("Have four babies here and the fifth is free!"), something finally clicked. As I relaxed into the hospital bed as the nurses hooked me up to the circulation boots and monitors and an IV, it occurred to me that something was different this time:

I had stopped seeing self-reliance as one of the most important aspects of birth.

One of the things that had come of all my research into natural childbirth is that I'd unconsciously developed an assumption that a key aspect of a good birth experience (after the wellbeing of the baby, of course) was self-reliance. With all talk about women trusting their bodies and being fully in control of their own labors, I had unintentionally fallen into the mentality that ceding control of the birth process to medical professionals in anything other than a serious crisis was always a negative, and that medical intervention except in true emergency situations was always a less-than-ideal outcome. None of the books I read or people I talked to explicitly stated that opinion, and it wasn't something I'd articulated either; rather, it was a vague, unspoken feeling that had developed in the back of my mind after hearing so many stories of women and babies who had bad birth experiences due to unnecessary medical intervention.

Labor with baby number four, our sweet baby "Joy," ended up being my best birth yet, even though not everything went smoothly, I was hooked up to all sorts of tubes and equipment, I requested an epidural, and I didn't ask a ton of questions about the doctor's decisions. It was truly empowering, not because I did or didn't give birth a certain way, but because I finally realized what it's really all about. After thinking a lot about it, I've come to believe that truly empowered birth comes down to these six things:

Knowing what your options are for giving birth, and researching the pros and cons of each one
Carefully choosing doctors, midwives and/or doulas whom you can trust to have your best interest at heart
Educating yourself about your anatomy and the process of birth so that you understand what's going on with your own body and can have discussions with your doctor or midwife
Having the courage to stand up for what you think is important, but also...
Having the humility to respect the knowledge and experience of your care providers
Remembering Who's really in control

I think that what made it all click for me was #6. As baby Joy's due date approached I was increasingly worried about everything that could possibly go wrong, and my reaction was to go into ultra-controlling mode: I had images of haranguing my doctor with tons of questions about every decision he made, launching a campaign with my OB and hematologist to avoid induction, insisting on different monitoring techniques, etc. And then I read this excellent post from Elizabeth Foss where she pointed out that we're kidding ourselves if we think that we have the power to single-handedly control the outcome of anything, let alone birth. "Sometimes," she wrote, "handing over all illusion of control is really a greater skill than learning how to 'manage' labor without drugs or 'manipulate' the medical community. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to do nothing -- but trust."

That has been my experience as well. It's important to feel empowered, in the sense of not feeling helpless or fearful about childbirth, but don't make the mistake I did and confuse empowerment with total self-reliance. The truth is that you can't control your way into a good labor, and making a conscious, educated decision to turn over some control to medical professionals or accept a medical intervention that makes things easier on you is just as empowering as having a great all-natural birth. If I've learned one thing from having four babies in five years, it is this: Regardless of how or where you have your baby, a good birth experience is going to involve a lot more trust than control.

I'm sure others have some thoughts on this topic as well, so feel free to share. My friends expecting their first babies will be reading and looking for tips!

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 56)

2009-10-30T00:00:00.006-05:00

--- 1 ---

It's been a long, difficult week. The reason for the longness and difficultness is that I decided to cut out junk food again for health reasons (obviously I did not look at my calendar to see that it was HALLOWEEN WEEK before making this decision). I didn't think it would be that bad since I'd only mildly fallen off of the "Saint Diet," but I was wrong. Every time I walk past a cookie, candy bar or bag of Cheetos my body starts sending me messages that death is imminent if I don't immediately start stuffing all these products in my mouth with both hands. I'm going to stop talking about this now before I start weeping, but if you're just dying to hear the details of my junk food detox experiences you can read all about it (complete with flowchart!) here.

--- 2 ---

OK, one more thing on that subject: I'm starting to think that 80% of following a healthy diet comes down to planning. I've noticed that I have no problem eating nutritious meals if they're ready and right in front of my face. For example, a while back I treated myself to a nice veggie tray from the store, and found that it wasn't that difficult to choose the carrots and dip over processed food from the pantry. Nine times out of ten, when I make bad food choices it's because I was hungry and just went for whatever was quickest and easiest.

--- 3 ---

I loved the Texas Alliance for Life benefit dinner last week. There was a great turnout (1,200 people) and Gianna Jessen's speech was amazing. I was also happy to get a copy of the book about Gianna's life as a survivor of a late-term abortion attempt. Some pictures:

A standing ovation for Gianna at the end of her speech
(many of us were wiping tears out of our eyes).

"Mrs. Darwin" (of Darwin Catholic), Gianna and me at her book signing.

--- 4 ---

Speaking of pro-life fundraisers, we're also going to attend the Austin Coalition for Life's inaugural banquet on November 10th where Jill Stanek will be speaking (if you haven't read the text of her testimony before the U.S. House of Representatives on H.R. 4294 where she recounted what she witnessed as an L&D nurse at Christ Hospital, it's a difficult but important read). If you're in Central Texas and would like more info on the banquet, you can find out about it on the front page of the Austin Coalition for Life website.

--- 5 ---

Our friends Katie and Devin Rose have an amazing story playing out in their lives right now, and are kind enough to share it all with the rest of the world through their blog. They recently adopted their gorgeous 18-month-old twin sons through a local foster-adopt program and are expecting a biological child in a couple of months. Just the other day they got a call asking if they would also take in their sons' two-and-a-half-year-old sister, and they only had 24 hours to decide. Their beautiful posts about hearing the news (Katie's is here, Devin's is here) as well as their thoughts on their discernment process are so heart-warming and inspiring, I just had to share.

--- 6 ---

A few of you have kindly asked how our Kidsave child "Rita" is doing. The short answer is that we don't know; we've been having a difficult time contacting her at her foster home in rural Colombia. There is also not anyone who has committed to adopt her that I know of, but I haven't heard a recent update. I plan to write more about all that as soon as I hear anything. Please do keep her in your prayers!

--- 7 ---

I'm excited about the cool Fall weather, and jealous of all of you who are posting pictures of cozy snow scenes on your blogs. Have a great Halloween / Feast of All Saints weekend, everyone!

-----------------------

1. Genny @ MyCup2Yours
2. Angie @ Many Little Blessings
3. Gae
4. carrien (she laughs at the days)
5. Veronica @A Pixilated Life
6. Carolyn @ reluctant atheist
7. Sarah Reinhard (Guilty Confessions)
8. Mary @ Passionate Perseverance
9. NCSue
10. DebbieQ@stophershesknitting
11. Tami @ The Next Step
12. Anne @ Undercurrent
13. Erin@Seven Little Australians Plus One
14. Mary @ Hope Echoes
15. Judy@A Thankful Woman's Book of Blessings
16. Missus Wookie
17. Krysta
18. theRosyGardener
19. becomewhatyouare
20. Trena
21. It Feels Like Chaos
22. Marie, Two Ways of Renouncing the Devil
23. TwoSquareMeals
24. leah @ abundant life
25. Sarah @ This Heavenly Life
26. Joy @ joy in the morning
27. ThatMarriedCouple
28. Brandilicious

29. Sara @ AShowerOfRoses
30. Christine the Soccer Mom
31. Dymphna @ the Well
32. Tracy@magnolia cul-de-sac
33. Tracy@The Secret of Living
34. erin @a new song
35. Katie @ The Baby Factory
36. Sarah @ SoJoBlog
37. Kacy @ Meandering Home
38. Chelsea @ Roots & Rings
39. Margaret in Minnesota
40. Nicole @ As Many As We're Given
41. majellamom
42. Amanda
43. Sarah @ Fumbling Toward Grace
44. Janet @ Domestic Bliss
45. Elena
46. udubalum mama
47. Betty Beguiles
48. Barbara C.@Box of Chocolates
49. Colleen
50. Therese@Musings of a Mom
51. Dakotapam
52. Smoochagator
53. Christina@Mrs. Broccoli Guy
54. Ranee @ Arabian Knits
55. Kim @ Love Letter to my Kids
56. (just) Lenae

57. Arlene
58. Paul A. Nelson
59. Rebecca
60. Sharon
61. Aimee@ The Mother Load
62. Sherry
63. Julia@ Blessed Obscurity
64. JoAnna @ A Star of Hope
65. Cheryl
66. Aubrey @ Laughing All the Way
67. Jen @ The Short Years
68. Salome Ellen
69. Very Sleepy People
70. suburbancorrespondent
71. I'm Mrs. Brightside
72. nadja@patch o' dirt farm
73. Bill White
74. Melodie @ The Me You Can't See
75. Transitus Tiber
76. David Marciniak
77. Anna @ Annalogue
78. Catholic Bibliophagist
79. Elisa @ Elisa Loves
80. Elizabeth Mahlou
81. Amy F
82. natatomic

Celebrating Halloween: Why not?

2009-10-27T21:56:00.004-05:00

Halloween is one of those holidays where my ratio of "wanting to like it" to "actually liking it" is very high. Every year I have visions of spending weeks putting together elaborate costumes that will thrill my children, then jaunting around the neighborhood in the refreshing Fall air of Halloween night where all the neighbors admire the adorableness of my children and inwardly remark about how very caring and on top of things their mother must be to have procured such detailed and gorgeous costumes. The way it actually tends to work out is that I get overwhelmed and do nothing until October 30th, at which time I have a freakout session in which I announce that I'm grabbing some burlap sacks and a rope and all the kids are going to be St. Francis this year and my mom finally takes over and makes a midnight trip to Wal Mart to dig through the dregs of costumes that the kids with non-procrastinating mommies didn't want and we head out to do our trick-or-treating in either sweltering hot or bitter cold temperatures and my kids all have meltdowns and we drag them back to the house where they eat candy for dinner. And sometimes I embarrass myself at the library too.

But anyway.

It's recently come to my attention that there are some people who don't celebrate Halloween. Well, I guess I did know something about it in my pre-conversion years, when we'd go trick-or-treating and walk past the one darkened house and someone would whisper something about "the religious family," but I always assumed that it was a ploy to avoid spending money on candy. What's new is that I've started hearing arguments against it that are well-thought-out have some decent points.

Though I doubt I'll stop celebrating Halloween any time soon, I would like to hear more about the case against it since I'm not very familiar with it. (I assure you my curiosity is driven entirely by a thirst for knowledge and not at all by the fact that it's four days before Halloween and I'm about to have a panic attack from costume chaos and trick-or-treat schedules that rival the New York subway system in their intricacy.) Maybe it's the circles I run in, but I feel like the folks who don't celebrate Halloween often don't get a fair shake -- in popular culture they're ridiculed as being overzealous fanatics, and even in religious circles they're often so far in the minority that when the Halloween debate comes up their voices are way outnumbered by people who enjoy the holiday.

So if you choose not to celebrate Halloween, this post is for you. I'd like to hear your side of the story: What led you to this decision? If you have kids, do they miss it? Do they do a different activity instead? I look forward to hearing your thoughts!

Balance requires sacrifice

2009-10-25T22:35:00.002-05:00

This post was originally published on February 26, 2008, a few weeks into my experiment of structuring my days around set prayer times. You can read all the posts on that subject here. Lately I've been thinking about how smoothly everything goes when I structure my days around prayer, and how I'd like to recommit to that habit soon.

Last night my husband and I were sitting in the living room after the kids went to bed, chatting about our days over little bowls of chocolate ice cream, and I caught a glimpse of the half-folded basket of laundry I'd set aside in the laundry room. Then I thought of those last three bills I needed to pay, and remembered that I never did get around to replying to that one email. My instinct was to get up and meander over to my desk or to the laundry basket, but I sunk back into the couch and kept chatting with my husband instead. And I thought, "So this is what balance is like."

When I used to make my semi-monthly proclamations that I desperately needed balance in my life, what I was really saying was, "I want to do all the same stuff I'm doing now, but just not be stressed about it!" Yet another huge lesson I've learned from this experiment of scheduling life around prayer (instead of vice versa) is this:

Balance requires sacrifice.

I know, to a lot of people that's as insightful as saying breathing requires inhaling, but it was actually a revelation to me. Before my commitment to make the workday end with Vespers, I would have spent that time after the kids went to bed shuffling around to try to finish the laundry, pay those last few bills, reply to that email, and undoubtedly get sidetracked with all sorts of other things along the way. It would have felt too indulgent or wasteful to just put my feet up and spend a whole hour chatting with my husband! Especially because of my tendency to procrastinate, I would have felt like I "had to" forgo relaxation time in the evening to make up for not getting enough done during the day.

The realization that a natural life is a life with hard stops -- that it is only in recent years through modern technology that we have even been able to throw our lives so far out of balance by extending our working hours at will -- changed everything. These days, leisurely breakfast time ends and high-energy activity time begins with Lauds (Morning Prayer) at 9:30; high-energy activity time ends and naptime/desk work begins with the Office of Readings at 2:00; and I do one final sweep to get any lingering projects to a stopping point before the whole workday comes to a close with Vespers (Evening Prayer) at 6:00. Do I always have everything done by the time prayer time rolls around? Nope. Am I often tempted to keep working into the evening to make up for not getting enough done during the day? Absolutely. But, I have realized, such is a life of balance.

Back in that post where I talked about my "hard stops" epiphany, I speculated that the reason that pre-electricity generations spoke of a life of peaceful rhythm and natural balance is because, for example, a housewife living in 1890 couldn't do laundry at 10:00 at night if she didn't get to it during the day; by virtue of having built-in hard stops like sunset and community-centered activities, they were forced to sacrifice a lot of the things they wanted to get done and simply rest. Mimicking this life as best I can, by allowing my day to be broken into times of work and times of rest by forces larger than myself, has indeed forced me to sacrifice a lot of the things I'd like to get done. And it has given me a life of balance.

I suppose it might technically be possible to achieve such a nice rhythm by using something other than prayer to provide hard stops; but, for me, I doubt that anything else would work. Here in our 24/7 world, there's so much pressure let your life slide out of balance, to sign up for "just one more" activity, to get "just one more" thing done each day, that with my notorious lack of willpower I'm sure I would have backslid into my old ways long before now with any other type of routine. But by anchoring my days around God by joining in with the universal prayer of the Church, by letting the rhythm of the Liturgy of the Hours be the guiding rhythm of my life, three times a day I am reminded that I only have one real to-do list, and it is short; that the little sacrifices I make to achieve balance are minuscule in the grand scheme of things; that my time is not my own anyway.

I don't mean to imply that my life is now stress-free or that I don't ever struggle with challenging days anymore (anyone who read this post or this post knows that that's certainly not the case). But I will say that it all feels more "natural" than before. Letting go of the temptation to make every hour a working hour, structuring my days around prayer instead of around the frantic pace of the world, might not have made all the stress in my life go away, but it has brought me times of guilt-free rest to act as a counterweight to the challenging times. Life has a gentle rhythm that wasn't there before. Even though there are days when it's painful to sacrifice a couple items from my to-do list that I wanted to get done, even though I have more responsibilities now than ever before in my life, I feel that after all these years, I have finally found balance.

RELATED

The Rhythm of Prayer (In the Heart of My Home)
Purpose and Routine: They Key Ingredients of Homemaking (Apple Cider Mill)
It's Never Too Late to Start Your Day (Domestic Felicity)

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 55)

2009-10-23T00:00:00.012-05:00

--- 1 ---

A little public service announcement for fellow procrastinators: Christmas Day is only nine weeks away!

--- 2 ---

A while back I mentioned that I was musing about what the difference is between an essay and a book. "Why is a book not just a long essay?" I wondered. Thanks to that awesome Breakout Novel book, I think I finally found the answer: An essay has only one layer; a book has many layers.

To use my conversion story as an example, I've written quite a few articles on that subject, and each one comes at it from a different perspective: One talked about how, surprisingly, Christianity ended up being more of a fulfillment of (rather than a departure from) what I'd always believed as an atheist; one talked about I came to believe that Christianity simply presented a more reasonable worldview; another talked about how my daily life has changed; etc. Each one of those is a layer on a larger story. When you write a book, what you're doing is taking all the layers of a story and weaving them together to form one multi-layered story. Just a thought for fellow book nerds.

--- 3 ---

I just got finished doing one of my least favorite things: Shoe shopping. "But I love shoe shopping!" you say. Yeah, well, you don't wear size 12 and have to buy glorified clown shoes from special Sasquatch stores. There is never anything cute in size 12. Ever. On the rare occasions that you actually come across a shoe that looks just darling on the size 5 sample and find out to your short-lived delight that they actually have a size 12 in some dusty corner of the store, when you see it in your size it looks like some sort of conceptual art project gone wrong. Allow me to illustrate:

To put it in perspective:

Add to the fact that I'm six feet tall and therefore heels are out lest I seriously start to look like a hairless Sasquatch, and you see that my choices are limited to about five shoes in the entire world. Anyway, yeah. I really don't like shoe shopping.

--- 4 ---

If you didn't get a chance to read the comments to my post about what to do when you screwed up and went against God's will, I highly recommend taking a moment to scan them. There were some great thoughts there. Thank you to all who commented!

--- 5 ---

Tonight (I'm writing this on Thursday) I'll be heading out to the Texas Alliance for Life dinner to see Gianna Jessen speak. It should be a great evening, and I look forward to hearing her presentation. For those of you who aren't familiar with Gianna's story of surviving an attempted abortion -- the abortion doctor, ironically, having to sign her birth certificate -- you can read the BBC coverage of it here.

--- 6 ---

Speaking of which, my husband did a little unexpected pro-life advocacy this morning. He somewhat spontaneously decided to stop by one of the local 40 Days for Life continuous prayer vigils to say hello to and see if anyone needed coffee or snacks or anything. There was only one guy there, and as soon as my husband arrived he said, "Thank God you're here! The next person wasn't able to make it and I'm late opening my business!" Since the goal is to have at least one person praying at all times, the guy couldn't leave unless my husband agreed to stay. After a little hesitation he agreed to take over. And then it started raining.

His conversion on pro-life issues was about as dramatic as mine, but I don't think he'd planned to do sidewalk prayer vigils just yet. But, nevertheless, there he was, standing under an umbrella in his suit and tie in front of an abortion clinic on a major road during rush hour. I have to wonder if anyone drove by and thought, "Look, some weirdo out in the rain...wait...wait a sec...that's my lawyer!"

--- 7 ---

Yaya just rolled into town. Those of you who don't know what that means can find out here. It just occurred to me that if God ever wanted to send me THE ULTIMATE BLOG POST, he could hook up it up where I'm driving with Yaya and we find a scorpion in the car while getting stuck behind someone with Trucknutz. Dude. I think that would be guaranteed to pretty much triple my blog traffic.

Anyway, have a great weekend, everyone!

--------------------------

1. Genny - Natural soaps, good reads, and Fall get-togethers
2. Tami @ The Next Step
3. Gae
4. Dawn Farias @ I Hate Socks
5. Venite
6. Paul A. Nelson
7. Kathryn @ The Bookworm
8. Elizabeth Mahlou
9. Mary @ Passionate Perseverance
10. Jen
11. David Marciniak
12. Missus Wookie
13. Sarah Reinhard
14. Mary @ Hope Echoes
15. Amanda
16. It Feels Like Chaos
17. Suz
18. Happy Geek
19. Sarah @ This Heavenly Life
20. NCSue
21. Megan@Blueberry Scones
22. violingirl
23. Janet @ Domestic Bliss
24. Living with Three Hobbits and a Giant
25. Dympha @ The Well
26. Trena
27. Missy
28. Pharmgirl @ Adventures in Pharm Land

29. The Keeping Time
30. Joy, One of Those Weeks
31. Exultet - 7 Bloggger Colleagues
32. becomewhatyouare
33. Dakotapam
34. majellamom
35. Darren and Sara Jones
36. Marie, Two Ways of Renouncing the Devil
37. Chelsea @ Roots & RIngs
38. Blair's Blessings
39. Adria@Color of My World
40. Joy @ joy in the morning
41. Jen @ Happy Little Homemaker
42. Papua Girl
43. Katherine @ The Domestic Church
44. Tracy@The Secret of Living
45. Emily@My Song of Joy
46. kim@baby yahyah
47. Angie @ Many Little Blessings
48. Karla @ Ramblin' Roads
49. Ranee @ Arabian Knits
50. Sarah @ Fumbling Toward Grace
51. Emily in NC
52. udubalum mama
53. Ladies for Life
54. Therese@Musings of a Mom
55. Transitus Tiber
56. Elena @My Domestic church

57. Christi @ Our Journey
58. KC
59. Sara @ AShowerOfRoses
60. Mrs Bubbles
61. Randy
62. Julia
63. The Cat in the Hat
64. Cheryl (My Thoughtful Spot)
65. Christina@Mrs. Broccoli Guy
66. Love2learn Mom
67. JoAnna @ A Star of Hope
68. Mama Fuss
69. Judy
70. Anna @ Annalogue
71. Krista @ Work in Progress
72. Mrs. Brightside
73. Mozi Esme
74. Very Sleepy People
75. Bill White
76. Amy @ From the Desk of Mom
77. Kate @ La Vita Bella
78. nadja@patch o' dirt farm
79. Christian H @ The Thinking Grounds
80. natatomic
81. Jen @ The Short Years
82. Karen @ Flash Light
83. Christy@frugalcrunchychristy

A day in the life of a Scorpionator

2009-10-21T08:40:00.016-05:00

Some people have asked if there was any one last straw that led to my sudden internet fast a couple of weeks ago. Others have asked for details about the nature of my hysterical tweets from the afternoon of Friday, October 2nd. In this post I shall address both inquiries.

The afternoon of Friday the 2nd started out perfectly lovely. I'd put my youngest two children down for naps and had set up my three-year-old daughter and five-year-old son for a little quiet time. All day I'd been drifting over to my computer, checking email here, reading blogs there, and I couldn't wait to finish up all the things I'd started in my sporadic computer time throughout the day. Just as I was settling down into the couch and opening up my laptop, I heard the worst four words that could be uttered in this house:

"Look, mommy, a scorpion!"

My three-year-old daughter was pointing to a scorpion. That was about six inches away from her leg.

I tossed my computer onto the couch and jumped up to confirm that it wasn't some new scorpion gag toy that some soon-to-be-ex friend had planted in the living room. Nay, it was real. And big -- one of the largest scorpions we've seen in the house to date. I didn't want the kids to panic, so I said, "Run! Run to the couch NOW NOW NOW before it stings you! Hurry! It's going to get you! Run! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!"

The commotion prompted the scorpion to saunter over to the middle of the living room floor. And this is where the story would end for most people. Most people's internal dialogue would go something like:

"I will grab the nearest heavy object and drop it on the menacing arachnid." Boom. "I'm glad that's over with."

But we're talking about me, and nothing can be that simple, especially where scorpions are involved. My internal dialogue went something like:

"I will grab the nearest heavy object and drop it on the menacing arachnid. But WHAT IF IT DOESN'T WORK?! My 'killing scorpions on carpet by dropping heavy things on them' success rate is 0%! And what book should I use anyway? Is my husband's Corporate Finance textbook big enough, or is this an Unabridged Oxford English Dictionary job? I know, I could ask the internet! If I want to seek advice from people on Twitter, how could I summarize this in 140 characters seeing as how I'm going to need AT LEAST 100 characters just for exclamation points?"

Meanwhile, as I was standing around analyzing my situation from every possible angle and thinking of how I could turn it into a clever tweet, the scorpion moseyed on over to a location under our long walnut buffet. This was bad. This was very bad. The buffet stands less than a foot above the carpet, making it impossible to get a book on top of the scorpion as long as it was under there. And then, just to make sure the suck-o-meter was dialed up to a 10, the scorpion crawled onto the side of a large book under the buffet.

The situation had gone from bad to worse. There was no way I could get it.

I seriously considered just staring at it for three hours until my husband got home from work, but the scorpion was headed toward the dreaded toy pit. To fully understand the ominousness of this trajectory, you first have to understand that my husband and I are both the only people of our generation to have children on both sides of our family. The result is that our children are blessed with many, many toys. Many. Like, I sometimes have dreams about frantically writing thank-you notes only to have dumptrucks overflowing with new packages addressed to my children come and pour their entire contents down upon me as I write. The result is that it looks like a Toys R Us exploded in the southwest corner of our living room; we've given up on fancy organizational techniques like throwing toys in boxes when the kids aren't playing with them, and just kind of rake everything over to one part of the living room at the end of the day.

And I knew that if the scorpion made it into the toy pit, it would be all over.

"All over" as in I would never in a thousand years be able to find it, and if I did it would undoubtedly involve being stung. "All over" as in despite all my "ha ha I'm moving" jokes I would NEVER SET FOOT IN THIS HOUSE AGAIN if that scorpion got lost in the toy pile. I had to get it.

"I have GOT to get this thing before it goes into the toys and I lose it and then it stings one of us when we least expect it!" I thought it a blind panic. To calm myself down, I decided to call my husband for reassurance. It would be nice to hear the voice of someone who could just laugh at the whole thing and point out how silly I was being. When I described the situation to him, he responded:

"You have GOT to get that thing before it goes into the toys and you lose it and then it STINGS ONE OF US WHEN WE LEAST EXPECT IT!!!!!" Or something like that. Perhaps he wasn't quite as frantic as I perceived him to be through the lens of my scorpion-induced mania, but suffice it to say that his answer was not to chuckle and tell me that it would be fine.

My husband did have a good practical suggestion though: Since it wasn't in a good smashing position, I should use bug spray. I went and grabbed the last can of Raid from the laundry room, aimed it at the scorpion, went to push the plunger...and hesitated. Not pushing the plunger right when I had the nerve was a fatal mistake. I'd psyched myself out. The problem was that I had major hesitations about using wasp spray for scorpions. I mean, seriously, THESE THINGS DON'T DIE. If the fancy exterminator chemicals only get them to pretend to be dead, why on earth should I believe that some namby-pamby grocery store wasp spray would do anything at all? Shoot, for all I knew maybe that's what they like to drink for breakfast! This train of thought ended up with me imagining spraying the Raid only to find out that it actually gives them more speed and strength, the angry arachnid now running right at me as I trip and fall and find myself unable to move as it stings me over and over again while I scream and the children come to my aid only to be stung themselves and...yeah. Suffice it to say I psyched myself out.

After some all-caps Twitter updates, Google searches to find out if wasps and scorpions are in the same genus, countless prayers requesting the support of the unknown patron saints of both scorpion killing and neurotic wimps, and rearranging the living room furniture to make the ottoman and some couch pillows into a scorpion-proof bunker behind which I could hide, I got ready to spray. For real this time. My finger was on the trigger again, but then I thought: What if this doesn't have the range it says it does?

In what I would later come to think of as famous last words, I said to myself, "Ah, yes, I should really test it first!" So I went outside, picked out a threatening blade of grass and showed it who was boss with my Raid spraying skills. Then another one. OK, good, this stuff definitely had some range. I went inside, moved my bunker back a couple feet to give me even more room in case this spray only made the scorpion mad, and got ready again. Then I decided to test it inside the house. You know, in case it, uhh, spayed differently in indoor air. After squirting it at a blank spot on the wall, I was ready. Well, just one more time. OK, now I was ready.

But wait! Maybe what I needed was some music to help me get up my nerve. I put my iPod on shuffle and got back down behind my bunker just as some Matisyahu song was finishing up. In a you-can't-make-this-stuff-up moment, the next song that came on was the ultimate "one chance to prove yourself and win a great struggle in a David-and-Goliath sort of way" theme song, Eye Of the Tiger. As those first DUNH...DUHN-DUHN-DUHN guitar riffs started (OK, that's hard to write, but y'all know what I'm talking about, right?) I focused my eyes on the scorpion 12 feet away, aimed the can, and sprayed.

And to my abject horror, I heard only a weak phhhhhhhhhh sound as a light cloud of chemcials came from the can.

I'd used up all the spray in my many tests. The can was basically empty.

In the split second it took for a couple of minuscule droplets to float over from the can to the scorpion's hideout under the buffet, the thought flashed through my mind, "This isn't going to be good." And it wasn't. One of the drops was a direct hit. The scorpion was unamused. And when scorpions get unamused, they get fast.

In a flash it got down from the book and took off, its stinger ready to take someone out. I instinctively started running the opposite direction, in the back of my mind thinking that I would eventually stop, perhaps somewhere around the U.S.-Canadian border. But when I glanced over my shoulder I saw to my horror that it was not running in my direction, but towards the toy pit. And it was only about a foot away.

"Get it, mommy!" my son shouted as the distance between the scorpion and a toy tractor closed quickly.

The awareness that I would literally never sleep in this house again if I lost that scorpion flashed through my mind, and -- with Eye of the Tiger still blasting -- I turned around, slammed open the childproof gate and ran back into the living room, knocking over a stack of laundry and kicking over a pile of children's books that were in my way, stepping on a baby doll and reaching out to within a few inches of the scorpion to douse it with the last few dribbles of Raid.

In one of the more anticlimactic moments I've experienced lately, it just died. Instantly. The spray worked just fine.

I'd just thrown a book over it to stall any sneaky coming-back-from-the-dead moments until my husband got home, when I heard my two youngest children waking up from their naps. I went to get them, and when I came back downstairs it smelled like...well, like some idiot had sprayed Raid all over living room, so I announced that we were all playing outside until daddy got home.

A while later my husband walked in to behold the dismantled couch, the ottoman bunker, the scattered laundry and toys, the chemical residue dripping from the wall. To say that it looked like thieves had ransacked the place would be to imply way too much of a feel of order or purpose to the mess; to say it looked like thieves intended to ransack it but decided to stay and get drunk and just thrash around for a while would be getting closer to reality.

When my husband asked me how my day was, I said with a sigh, "It's been tough -- I haven't had any time to relax and do stuff on my computer today!"

He looked back at the house, looked at me, and observed: "Today one of the kids came close to being stung by the biggest scorpion we've seen around here in a while, you stared at it in agony for the better part of an hour, hosed down the house with Raid, finally killed the scorpion, somehow tore the living room apart in the process...and your take is that it was a bad afternoon because you didn't get enough computer time?"

And that's when I decided it was time for a break.

RELATED

Thanks to Emily for suggesting the word "Scorpionator."

A very imperfect fiat

2009-10-18T16:01:00.006-05:00

Yesterday I found myself in the middle of a magical moment: My husband had arranged for me to have the afternoon "off" to get out of the house alone and recharge my batteries, and after swinging by the Adoration chapel for a spiritual fill-up I went down to the local book store to do a little work on my book.

It was hard to find a place to sit because most of the book store's cafe had been cleared out to make room for rows of metal folding chairs, presumably for some event they had earlier, but I managed to find a seat at the last available table. Whoo-hoo! I spread out my printed notes and began doing some hard thinking about a particularly tricky section of the book. Things suddenly started come together as if some sort of creativity faucet had been turned on full blast in my brain. I started writing wildly, my hand barely able to keep up with my mind. After weeks of frustration from being stuck on a part that seemed boring and overcomplicated yet crucial to the storyline, the answers finally began flowing. "Thank you, Holy Spirit!" I thought, wishing I could have Adoration/writing sessions like this more often.

My thoughts were briefly interrupted by the announcement that an author would be giving a talk in the cafe. I looked up at the folding chairs in front of me and realized that that must be why they were there. I gathered my notes to get up and move to an outside table but didn't want to leave just yet because great ideas were flowing a mile a minute.

Then came another announcement emphasizing that the author's talk was starting right now. As I started clearing off my table, hurriedly slipping my folded notes into my purse, something caught my eye: The seats were empty. Not a single person sat in the rows of about 20 chairs. I was suddenly aware that people at three other tables around me were packing up and leaving as well, perhaps fleeing the awkward moment that was about to ensue.

I looked over at the lady whom I figured to be the author, who was chatting with a book store employee next to the podium. "Lord, please, please send someone to listen to her talk!" I prayed.

I grabbed my pen and a crumpled up piece of paper from the table and was just about to head out when I felt something tugging within me. I was pretty sure I knew what it was. I turned to the Lord in prayer, saying something along the lines of: "Ooooooooooh, no! No no no no no no no! You're going to try to tell me that I am the person sent to listen to her talk. No. I am the person who never, ever gets a completely free moment to write, especially not when I'm actually having a moment of inspiration. To simultaneously have this free time and good ideas is like running into Bigfoot riding a unicorn -- it is a rare, precious moment that will likely never, ever, EVER happen again in my whole entire life!"

I looked over and saw the author gathering her notes, and thought that I might have noticed her hands shaking a little. Another person got up and left the cafe. I glanced at an empty table sitting outside in the fresh Fall air, just begging me to sit at it and write stuff. I looked at the time on my cell phone. Depending on how long the talk was, that would probably be it for my free time that day. Yet I continued to feel the Holy Spirit working within me to try to tell me to take a seat in one of those chairs (and for once I was 100% certain that this was the Holy Spirit and not my own subconscious, because my mind was all about LETTING SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE FOUR KIDS UNDER SIX listen to the talk).

So I sat. I set all my notes aside, turned my cell phone off, and gave the author my full attention. I even made sure to smile and nod to make sure she knew that I was listening and enjoying it.

Before I get some kind of muscle strain from working too hard to pat myself on the back, I should break in here to note that I'm only writing about this because it's remarkable; normally when my writing time is imperiled by the threat of actual contact with fellow human beings I slither back into my darkened office while hissing, "My preciousssss!" Though I do always want to please God, all too often my attachments to activities that could be broadly defined as "doing fun stuff that I like" win out. In this case it was likely that a big contributing factor to me doing the right thing and following the Holy Spirit's promptings was that even I am not clueless enough to be unaware of the irony of skipping out on an opportunity to show someone love so that you can go write about how encountering the love of God transformed your life. And I wouldn't be giving you the full story if I didn't divulge that the thought did pop into mind, "Lord, I want you to remember this VERY VIVIDLY if I ever have my own book reading! I know we don't believe in karma per se, but surely I am scoring SOME kind of points here!" (It is admissions like this that make me wish this blog was still anonymous.)

Anyway, nevertheless, I did make the sacrifice and sit down. And it turned out to be a lovely talk -- I'm sure that the only reason for the sparse attendance was because of some sort of problem getting the word out. The author was a great speaker, and an employee and another lady eventually sat down as well.

It would make the story more interesting if the Lord showed me the beauty of following his will by giving me some amazing insight for my own book while listening to the talk, sort of like giving candy to a whiny child who reluctantly follows his parents' instructions. But nothing like that happened. It was a nice talk, I think it made a difference to the author that I was there, and, sure enough, I had to rush home and jump back into the fray as soon as it was over. I never did recapture those great thoughts I had flowing earlier. But that's OK. I got something better than good content for my book:

First of all, I got a reminder of a lesson so obvious that you'd have to be a spiritual vegetable to need, but that I needed nonetheless: That writing about the love of God should always, always take a back seat to opportunities to actually show real human beings in front of you the love of God.

Mostly, though, I got an insight into the value of the imperfect fiat. Sometimes I feel discouraged that I'm so far away from imitating Mary, who simply said "Let it be done" (in Latin, "Fiat") when she heard the tremendous news that she would be the mother of God incarnate. I don't know if there's one Latin word for "What?! You've got to be kidding me. No. I can't. Forget it. I'm too busy. What? You're still on me about this? OK FINE!", but that would be the word for me.

Even in my infinitely smaller situation there in the book store cafe, I couldn't just say yes to God. I had to drag my feet, whine, bargain, pretend like I didn't hear a couple times, and then spend some solid time fantasizing about just how very wonderful it would be do what I wanted to do instead. But, it occurred to me as I thought over the situation, I did eventually do it. It's certainly an area in which I need a lot of work, but at least sometimes, even if only on small matters, I do say yes -- eventually. As picked up my purse to hurry back home after the talk, glancing again at that outside table I never did get a chance to sit at, I thought of a look that flashed across the author's face when I first sat down. Ever so briefly, our eyes met and she looked at me with a mix of happiness, gratitude and great relief. And as I walked out the door, I felt very happy with my imperfect fiat.

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 54)

2009-10-16T00:00:00.009-05:00

--- 1 ---

This is a public service announcement for anyone who is writing a book, has written a book, might want to write a book one day, or has any interest whatsoever in what makes a good book: Buy Writing the Breakout Novel by Donald Maass (and the workbook too). Just do it. Right now. You will not regret it.

Based on the title I thought the book might be gimmicky, encouraging people to write formulaic novels with the goal of making a quick buck; I couldn't have been more wrong. It's written by a literary agent with 25+ years of experience, and he walks you through the common qualities that all good modern stories have, using plenty of excerpts from successful books to illustrate his points. Though it's geared at fiction, I found that 90% of his advice applies just as well to memoir -- it's basically just advice about how to tell a good story. It helped me resolve so much of the confusion I had about why the first draft of my book wasn't working -- I can't say enough good things about this book. Recommend it to every aspiring novelist or memoirist you know!

--- 2 ---

Speaking of books, the other day I was making notes for a chapter in which I recount a particularly ~~ridiculous~~ ~~bacchanalian~~ memorable evening from my pre-conversion days, and I remembered that Tucker Max was out with us that night. Since it was a rather unusual occasion (a bunch of us were going from bar to bar in a yellow school bus while dressed up as clowns -- kind of a long story -- you'll have to read the book) I wondered if he might have mentioned it in his eternally-at-the-top-of-the-bestseller-list memoir I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell (the movie version of which is currently out in theaters). I admit that I have not read Mr. Max's reflections, so I'm not sure if that story made the cut, but I thought that it would be bizarrely amusing if there were overlap between our two books.

UPDATE: It was pointed out that I should probably go ahead and clarify that I do NOT recommend reading Tucker Max's book or going to his website.

--- 3 ---

Funny thought: If some psychic person had come onto the school bus that night and said, "Jennifer and Tucker are both going to write memoirs that involve stories like this. One of the books will be about partying, the other will be about a conversion to Catholicism," I would have looked over at Tucker Max and thought, "Dude, you're going to become Catholic? Lame!"

--- 4 ---

When we visited my dad in El Paso a couple weeks ago I was so envious of his back yard:

After about the third week of daily battles to keep our crunchy, yellow grass from dying out completely this summer, I was about ready to let go of this fantasy that we live in a climate hospitable to life and just call someone in to pave over the whole thing. Some people might think that there would be something mildly depressing about looking out the back window to see a bunch of rocks and pavement, but I think I'd love it. No maintenance, no fire ants, no random stinging insects lying in wait in unmowed grass, no constant feelings of failure as all your efforts toward keeping your yard a less depressing shade of yellow end in futility. Ah, that's the landscape for me!

--- 5 ---

Yesterday was the feast of the great Doctor of the Church St. Teresa of Avila, and I enjoyed reading this great collection of her quotes (via New Advent, who always has the best links).

--- 6 ---

I KNOW that I am not the only person who can sing every word to this commercial. With passion:

Oh, man, I remember watching that cartoon about 20 times a day when I was a kid, suspecting -- nay, knowing with certainty -- that owning that Barbie would pretty much be the apex of the human experience. And the part where the three kids take out their awesome cassette tapes? I swooned to behold that level of coolness. (Hat tip to Domestic Engineering for finding that gem of a commercial and opening up to me the world of wasting hours of my life laughing at 80's commercials on YouTube.)

--- 7 ---

Speaking of wasting time on the internet, it's good to be back from the fast! I still can't believe how effective it was; a lot has changed around here since my week offline. I'm hoping to have time to put together a post about it for next week.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

-------------------------

1. It Feels Like Chaos
2. Angie @ Many Little Blessings
3. Gae
4. violingirl
5. Kate Wicker @ Momopoly
6. Venite
7. Missus Wookie
8. Sarah Reinhard - The Rosary Workout
9. DebbieQ @ stophershesknitting
10. Mary @ passionate Perseverance
11. Mary @ Hope Echoes
12. Pharmgirl @ Adventures in Pharm Land
13. Tami @ The Next Step
14. Elizabeth@In the Heart of my Home
15. Dawn Farias @ I Hate Socks
16. SoJoBlog
17. Erin@Seven Little Australians Plus One
18. Sarah @ This Heavenly Life
19. Cheryl (My Thoughtful Spot)
20. Sara @ AShowerofRoses
21. Katherine @ The Domestic Church
22. Tina @ Multiple Mom T
23. Becky @Beck's Three
24. Gill-Life of a Photographer
25. becomewhatyouare
26. Written on Your Heart - V
27. Linda
28. Janet in Toronto
29. Mary Alice
30. KC

31. ThatMarriedCouple
32. Marie, Two Ways of Renouncing the Devil
33. Dympha @ The Well
34. Joy@ joy in the morning
35. Enbrethiliel @ Shredded Cheddar
36. Lori @ Busy With Blessings
37. Trena @ The THird Prayer
38. Chelsea @ Roots & Rings
39. suburbancorrespondent
40. Preggo@ the Bjorn Identity
41. Jen @ Happy LIttle Homemaker
42. udubalum mama
43. Therese@Musings of a Mom
44. Holly @ Hollison Journey
45. An Extinct Angel
46. (just) Lenae
47. majellamom
48. Emily
49. Darren and Sara Jones
50. Tracy@The Secret of Living
51. Bill White
52. Matching Moonheads
53. Katie @ The Baby Factory
54. Jeffrey's Wife - Adoption Couple
55. Transitus Tiber
56. Rebecca
57. Becca @ The Earthlings Handbook
58. David Marciniak
59. Shelley @ ...life on the farm
60. Jordana @ Curmudgeonry

61. Nicole @ As Many As We're Given
62. annies home -
63. Margaret in Minnesota
64. Judy
65. The Keeping Time
66. Anna @ Annalogue
67. Emily @ Me In Life
68. Christina@Mrs. Broccoli Guy
69. Randy
70. Jen @ The Short Years
71. Sarah @ Simple Pleasures (welcoming new baby niece!)
72. Peony Moss
73. Karen @ Flash Light
74. Therese (Aussie Coffee Shop)
75. Cheryl
76. Peace Garden Mama
77. Catherine @ Adventures in Domesticity
78. Karen @ Needs New Batteries
79. NCSue
80. Love2learn Mom
81. Ladyofthelakes
82. Paul A. Nelson
83. JoAnna @ A Star of Hope
84. Melodie @ The Me You Can't See
85. Lillian
86. nadja@patch o' dirt farm
87. Barbara @ Praying for Grace
88. Natatomic
89. Catholic Mutt
90. Elena @My Domestic church

So you went against God's will. Now what?

2009-10-14T19:06:00.011-05:00

A while back I was listening to a Catholic radio advice show when a distraught woman called in with an agonizing situation: She and her husband had recently adopted a child with special needs (some of them serious medical issues), and she was terrified that they'd made the wrong decision. The paperwork was all finalized and they were flying out to pick up their new son the next day, but she was overwhelmed with fear and worry of how they could possibly handle it all, especially since they already had their hands full with three biological children.

What seemed to be causing her the most stress was the worry that she had gone against God's will. She'd thought that this is what God wanted for them when they first made the decision, but now she was second-guessing it all, wondering if perhaps her own intense emotions had clouded her discernment process.

Looking back, she recalled that her husband had initially had a really bad feeling about it and she'd strong-armed him into it, blowing off his words of caution and aggressively pushing him to change his mind. In her 20/20 hindsight she could also see a lot of pride at work, now recognizing her desire to make certain family members think she was a "supermom" by adopting a special needs child in addition to raising her biological kids. She also suspected that her deep-seated desires to heal her own troubled childhood clouded her judgment and made her view the situation through rose-colored glasses, ignoring the very serious issues that would come with this move. As she looked at her mental, physical and financial resources and the huge responsibilities that were about to enter her life, she was terrified that she'd bitten off way more than she could chew -- and was going to negatively impact not just her own life but her family's lives with her mistake.

As I listened to her go into more detail about her story and her discernment process, it sounded like she may very well have let pride and misguided desires for happy endings lead her to get in over her head. This actually might not have been God's will for her and her family.

But what, I wondered, should she do now?

Unfortunately I lost signal on the radio station and didn't hear the host's answer, but I've thought a lot about that lady and her dilemma ever since then. Though usually on a smaller scale, I used to spend a fair amount of time in my post-conversion life worrying about that very thing: What if this difficult situation I'm in is because I just screwed up? If God was telling me to do one thing and I ignored him and did another...what now?

Early on in my conversion I would occasionally feel really stressed about these types of situations, especially when I did something sinful that was clearly not what I was supposed to have done. Because I thought of God's will like a static, paper roadmap, I had this bad tendency to think of myself as being "off the map," in some kind of "out of God's will" no-service area akin to being out of range on your cell phone. "No point in praying," my subconscious mind would mutter, "God can't help you now -- he's back in the land of his will that you left when you made that stupid decision!" Though I could have told you on an intellectual level that that line of thinking was as erroneous as it was ridiculous, fear and stress made it surprisingly easy to slide into those kinds of irrational, defeatist thought patterns.

What I eventually learned that has brought me immeasurable peace on this subject is that it's more important to ponder how God can bring good out of any situation -- even bad, sinful situations that are the result of fallible humans' mistakes -- than it is to ponder what the details of his will are for any specific scenario. I've stopped spending so much time asking "Was this God's will?" and am trying to spend more time asking, "How can I serve God in love at this moment, right now?" Maybe the situation I'm in is the result of a bad move, but as long as I keep turning to God there will be an opportunity to bring love out of it.

So what would I say to the lady who called into the radio show? After assuring her of my prayers, I think my answer would be that she shouldn't spend any more time rehashing the past, but rather focus her energy on getting as close to God as possible from here on out. Rest in the knowledge that he can bring good out of any situation, especially those that present us with opportunities to love our fellow human beings. And the truth is that we rarely know exactly what God's will is in every situation anyway -- we probably veer off his path of perfect love way more often than we realize. What matters most is not complete knowledge of the mind of God (which is impossible anyway), but a disposition of love and trust.

Those are my thoughts, but needless to say I'm no expert on this subject. I'm sure I have plenty more to understand about all this myself. So I'd like to ask you guys: What would your advice be to the lady who called into the radio show? Of course we can't know for sure, but let's say hypothetically that this situation wasn't God's will? What now?

RELATED

He Leadeth Me is a fantastic book on the subject of trust and God's will
Anger, anxiety and trusting God
Looking for the two truck driver

Seeking wisdom

2009-10-13T16:05:00.007-05:00

When I decided to do a weeklong fast from my computer, it was because I was overwhelmed. I had a lot of discernment to do and needed to clear my head. Now that my oldest child just turned five it's time to start making big decisions about homeschooling vs. other education options, and I'm also trying to figure out how to write a book, continue blogging, keep up with all my daily emails, stay in touch with friends, keep the house clean and the bills paid, all while still putting my family first. I knew that I faced some tough choices, and that it would take a lot of thought and prayer to figure out what to do.

So as I began my week of silence, I prayed for one thing and one thing only: wisdom.

I was so focused on this that the last thing I did before shutting down my computer was to reply to a friend who'd emailed me a while back kindly asking what intentions of mine she might be able to pray for. I asked her to just pray this week that I receive wisdom. That's it.

And all week, that's what I searched for. As I scribbled notes about priorities and goals, went through our burnout management process with my husband, sought advice from trusted friends and family members, I kept my eyes and ears alert for this elusive wisdom. Would I even recognize it when I saw it? What type of information would it be? Would it come in the form of advice about a specific situation, or perhaps sage advice offering general life principles?

By the end of the week, I felt much better. Through a lot of thinking and talking and prayer I made good decisions and felt excited about the future, comfortable that I'd made the right choices. And yet I wasn't sure if I ever did find wisdom. It felt like I'd made solid, rational, well-thought-out decisions, yes. But is that wisdom? I wasn't sure. I felt vaguely disappointed that God didn't exactly hit me over the head with the gift I'd asked for, at least not in a clearly recognizable way.

Then, on Sunday morning, the last day of my computer fast, the first reading at Mass was from (you guessed it) the book of Wisdom. I felt a little chill as it began:

I prayed, and prudence was given me;
I pleaded, and the spirit of wisdom came to me.
I preferred her to scepter and throne,
and deemed riches nothing in comparison with her,
nor did I liken any priceless gem to her;
because all gold, in view of her, is a little sand,
and before her, silver is to be accounted mire.

"Hey! Yes!" I thought. "Totally! I want wisdom too!...But how on earth do you find it?"

When our priest stood up to give his homily, he immediately began discussing that first reading. And as early as his introduction, I knew where I'd gone wrong. He didn't even have to spell it out. He started talking about how the Old Testament prefigures the New Testament, and I shook my head and my own cluelessness. How could I have missed it?

The mistake I made was, ironically, one that I would have been less likely to make early on in my conversion, back when I was still studying Christianity and intensely focused on the simple truths of the faith. Now that I'm a few years in and the hurry and scurry of daily life has muddied the waters, however, I sometimes drift into thinking of the practice of my faith as something intricate, complicated and vague. These days it's easier to overcomplicate everything and miss simple answers that are obvious even to my toddler children.

As our priest spoke, I sat back in the pew and shook my head in amazement. It's so simple. Wisdom is nothing more or less than the Word incarnate. Jesus Christ. I hadn't received what I'd wanted this week because I'd been looking in all the wrong places, asking the wrong question. As I searched high and low for lifeless data that would give me what I wanted, I wondered of wisdom, "How do I find it?" The real question, I now see, is "How do I find him?"

20 Things I learned in a week without my computer

2009-10-12T07:24:00.008-05:00

A conversation my husband and I had a day into my experiment:

ME: I'm keeping a notebook to write down notes of what I'm learning this week.

HIM: That would make a great blog post!

ME: That's so funny you mention that, that's exactly what I was thinking!

HIM: [Gives me a look that makes me immediately realize that it was a JOKE, along the lines of "wouldn't it be ironic/unbelievably nerdy if you were thinking about blog material as you make handwritten notes about being completely unplugged?"]

So I just spent an entire week without my computer. I did it because 1) I felt overwhelmed with all I have on my plate right now (kids, schooling choices for kids, blogging, book writing, trying to keep the house in basic order, etc.) and felt like I needed to really clear my head in order to figure out how/if I could balance it all, and 2) I was starting to have a hard time detaching from the internet, regularly getting sucked into online stuff when I was supposed to be doing other things.

The week ended up being more fruitful than I could have imagined, and below are 20 things that I learned. Most are related to computer stuff, the internet in particular, though some are general life lessons that became more clear during my week of "silence":

20 Things I learned in my week without my computer

Your priorities are the things you plan for. This was actually what sparked it all. My husband made this comment week before last, noting that you can tell what people's actual priorities are by looking at what they plan for. I looked at my life to see that I had intricate plans for when I was going to spend time on my computer, but was always winging it when it came to the more boring/humble tasks related to my primary vocation.
Planning is a critical element of having a peaceful life. I realized that it's almost impossible for me to make optimal choices once the chaos of the day has begun; if I don't have a plan, I drift into survival mode where I just do the bare minimum to get by. Preparing for each day in the evening before by getting things ready and visualizing my goals makes a huge difference in my life.
You are much more checked out from the people around you when you're consuming interactive information (talking on the phone, email, Twitter, commenting on blogs, etc.) than when you're consuming static, one-way information (reading books, writing with pen and paper, etc.)
You are much more checked out from the people around you when you're looking at a glowing screen. During my free time this week I watched TV more than usual. While it left me more present to the people around me than when I was on my computer, I was still much more checked out than when I read books or wrote with pen and paper.
It's easier to interact with people online than in real life. This week I was forced to actually pick up the phone and call people for social interaction. It's much less efficient to interact offline because you're forced to engage with people rather than getting directly to the information you need (such as the typical "how are you doing?" pleasantries when you haven't spoken to someone in a while), but I found it to be a good thing to have to really engage with my friends and family members rather than just dashing off quick emails or direct messages.
I was much more tempted by junk food without the internet. This was the most surprising turn of events this week. The first Monday without the internet I chowed down on junk food like I haven't since the beginning of the Saint Diet nine months ago. I realized that I use the internet as an escape mechanism when I'm feeling stressed, and without it I was tempted to turn to something else.
The internet tempts me to over-value my own opinions (especially micro-communication tools like Twitter and email). This week I caught myself hanging on to every single opinion I had about anything, a habit I'd formed from constantly emailing and tweeting friends with every little thought I had. When I wrote the ideas down on paper to express later by phone or in person, I realized that most of them were pretty inane, things that I would have forgotten about altogether in the days before I had an internet connection.
The internet brings out my snarky/judgmental side. Similar to the above, I realized this week that I wasn't in "judging and making snarky comments" mode nearly as much as usual. Something about the interactive nature of the internet makes me feel like I must comment on every single thing I see, and I'm always thinking of witty remarks to email friends with throughout my days. When I thought of picking up the phone and calling people to tell them all the thoughts I'd normally email, it made me feel like a blowhard.
The internet brings out my gossipy side. I realized that part of what draws me into the internet, blog reading in particular, is a desire for drama -- who's disagreeing with whom, who wrote something controversial, etc. Life felt a little more boring -- in a good way -- without the internet.
Music can completely change the mood of a house. Being offline made me rediscover the joy of adding music to our daily routine, and I was amazed by what a difference it made.
I use the internet to escape challenging convictions. I found it interesting that the only moments that I was overwhelmed with temptation to go get online were when I was thinking/praying about my life and came to a conclusion that I didn't like. I realized that I've unconsciously developed a habit of drifting over to my computer and getting online as a way to distract myself from hard truths.
Email is my biggest source of computer-related stress because it requires constant decision-making, which is difficult for me.
Getting on my computer makes it very easy to forget what my goals for the day are. Especially because I have tendencies toward ADD, I go into "monkey with shiny object" mode with all the great, interconnected information available on the internet; I all too easily get sucked in and completely forget what I was trying to accomplish in the day.
Computer work always leaves me feeling like I wasn't finished. Similar to the above, there is always one more thing I wanted to do/see/read on my computer, especially if I'm online. Whether or not I accomplished what I sat down to do, I'm left with this chronic, dissatisfied feeling that I didn't do everything I wanted to do.
A big step towards giving my home a "domestic monastery" feel is limiting internet use. Ever since I read this fantastic article a couple years ago, I've yearned to make my house feel like a true "domestic monastery." Never have I come so close as I did this week. In the silence of an internet-free house, I felt like I was on some kind of spiritual retreat, even when I wasn't praying.
I have lost the concept of waiting for information. Years of daily internet use has left me with this feeling that I have some kind of right to know whatever I want to know, whenever I want to know it. For example, on Wednesday I was trying to think of the name of an actress who was in a certain movie, and I realized that, without the internet, I either had to connect with another human being to get the information or patiently accept that I couldn't know it right now. It was surprisingly irritating.
The same force that drives people to slot machines is what drives me to my computer. I realized that when I mindlessly get online, every time I click it's like pulling the lever on a slot machine and hoping to hit the jackpot. I'm hoping to hit a virtual jackpot -- a blog post that changes my life, an email that blows me away, a hilarious video on YouTube, etc. And the truth is that there's enough stuff online that if I clicked on enough links or spent enough time on email I would get that payoff I'm looking for. But, just like with slot machines, I need to be careful about spending endless amounts of time just sitting around pulling the lever.
The next day starts at sundown. Having a productive day starts with waking up feeling well rested...which starts with making good choices about what time to go to bed. This week I found it really helpful to embrace the ancient Judeo-Christian understanding that sundown prayer ushers in the next day.
If my computer is in front of me, I will get sucked in to wasting time on it. It's prideful for me to think that I'd have the self-restraint to not get lured into wasting time online if my laptop is right in front of me all the time. I need to remove the temptation by removing it physically when I don't need it.
I love blogging. This week offline made me realize how much I love having a blog. I missed crafting posts and, especially, I missed hearing from you guys. I need to be careful about not letting myself get attached to traffic numbers, but that other than that my blog and my wonderful commenters are really great parts of my life.

This fast was a great thing for me. It really helped me clarify both the benefits and the pitfalls to being online, as well as just giving me some silence to think about life in general. In a Part II to this post I'll list some of the practical changes I'm making to my life based on what I learned from the fast.

Anyway, it's good to be back. I missed you guys!

A week without noise

2009-10-04T23:19:00.017-05:00

I'm doing something crazy this week:

I'm shutting down my computer. For a whole week. No email, no blog reading, no blogging, no web surfing, no Twitter. No Word, Quicken or Photoshop. I'll live a computer-free life for seven days.

For some people that wouldn't be that big of a deal; for me it'll be a huge deal, and that's why I'm doing it. I realized at the end of last week that for all of my adult life I've been hyper-connected. When I worked in the high tech industry I spent ten hours a day in front of a computer. Even now that I don't work, my computer is a huge part of my life -- I communicate with my parents and husband and friends primarily via email throughout the day, and my main hobby, writing, puts me in front of the computer even more.

There's nothing wrong with any of that per se, but I realized last week that I'd become addicted to the "noise" of constant communication, running over to my computer to see if there's a new email or blog post or blog comment or news story to give me a few seconds of distraction and amusement any time things get the slightest bit tough. I like the idea of completely fasting from it all for a week to force myself to re-adjust to silence (I don't mean literal silence, of course, since my house is about as tranquil as the howler monkey cage at the zoo, but "silence" in terms of a lack of a constant buzz of outside stimulation and information). I like how fasting from anything gives you a fresh perspective on what is normal, that when you re-incorporate it into your life even the smallest doses seem like a lot since you're used to having none.

I've felt called to do this for a while, for weeks doing that thing where God sends me clear signals along the lines of "STEP. AWAY. FROM. THE. LAPTOP." and I'm all like "Step away from the what? The map shop? What? Let me get back to you after I'm done checking email..." and this past weekend he finally hit me over the head in a way that I could no longer ignore.

So after I hit publish on this post I'll shut down my laptop and put it over on my bookshelf until next Monday. Needless to say, I won't be hosting 7 Quick Takes this week, and I won't be checking comments until next week (which is why I closed comments on this post). Since I'm horrible about replying to emails I doubt anyone will notice a difference in that department.

This'll be the first time in my adult life I've spent a whole week completely "unplugged." Oddly enough, I'm really looking forward to it. See you all next week!

UPDATE: 20 things I learned in a week without my computer

RELATED:

A fascinating video about the desert hermit experience (this is well worth the time to watch if you haven't already seen it)
A day in the life of a mommyblogger
Blogging and the water well
Becoming more human (a post by Betty Duffy with lots of good food for thought)

The Saturday Evening Blog Post

2009-10-03T09:20:00.003-05:00

Elizabeth Esther is hosting the "Saturday Evening Blog Post" again, a fun monthly meme where bloggers can submit their favorite posts from their own blogs. I chose my post about getting locked out of the Adoration chapel because I've thought of that moment almost every day since then when I'm tempted not to trust God with some situation. To read more posts or submit you're own, head on over to Elizabeth Esther's place!

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 53)

2009-10-02T00:00:00.014-05:00

--- 1 ---

My husband and I loved our trip to El Paso. We had an unbelievably good dinner at the famous Cattleman's Steakhouse and got a behind-the-scenes tour of the airport (where my dad is working on an expansion). We also briefly visited the big corn maze on the New Mexico border, but I didn't go in because I was hungry and tired and me + my notorious lack of a sense of direction + hunger + fatigue + 15-foot-high cornstalk labyrinth just kinda seemed to have disaster written all over it. We also went to a nice Mass at Queen of Peace parish (whose bell tower you see on the left) and had some of the best Italian food I've had in years at Trattoria Bella Sera.

The only down side was that it was hard to adjust to the dry air and elevation (3,800 ft). My mouth felt like sandpaper the whole time we were there, and I felt short of breath every time I walked around. But we were thrilled to get a mini vacation and hope to be able to go back again soon!

--- 2 ---

Why didn't someone tell me that there's a new version of Fertility, Cycles and Nutrition?! I have an almost religious devotion to that book, which I first discovered after two well-respected doctors told me that I had so many cycle problems that I'd never be able to have children without medical intervention. I credit that book with completely turning around my health on every level and...nevermind -- I'm going stop typing so that I can go buy five copies of the new version.

--- 3 ---

I just can't get over the fact that our city is having a Hairy Man Festival this weekend.

Especially that a women's association puts it on.

I know that it's named after the vaguely-defined local legend of a mysterious (and evidently hairy) man who once roamed this area, but how do you tell people who may not be familiar with the lore about this event? I mean, what if you run into some friend from a different part of town who's in the Junior League and she's all like, "I'm working hard on putting together the Fall Black-Tie Ladies' High Tea. What are you up to?" and you have to be all like, "I'm working on the Hairy Man Festival"?

--- 4 ---

My husband says I have no sense of humor. "It's supposed to be funny!" he says of the Hairy Man Festival, waiting for me to break out into "oh-NOW-I-get-it!" laughter at any moment. But, nay, I remain stone-faced as I point out that I still don't understand.

I think the problem is that the risk/reward ratio is just too high for me. On the reward side, your friends might react to hearing that you're organizing the Hairy Man Festival by recognizing that the name is a reference to the local legend and chuckling at the funny sound of it. On the risk side, they might not be familiar with the story and THINK YOU'RE SO INTENSELY INTERESTED IN HIRSUTE MEN THAT YOU'RE ORGANIZING AN EVENT AROUND IT. For me, not worth it.

--- 5 ---

I think that interest in this legend has persisted mainly because we have a local road named after it. I know, you're wondering how we named a road for the legend without calling it something crazy like Hairy Man Road. We didn't. It's just Hairy Man Road. One wonders if the person behind that decision had any interest at all in developing the local economy, considering the large number of businesses that simply could not be located on a street called Hairy Man. Charm schools, wedding venues and upscale spas could never tell their clientele to find them at 1426 Hairy Man Rd. I can't decide if electrolysis studios would be in or out. And what must that do for property values? No developer would ever build million-dollar properties on a street whose name would make people snicker like seventh-graders every time they heard it.

--- 5 ---

Oooooh, no. I see this turning into a Trucknutz-esque situation where I get fixated on some bizarro subject and spend all afternoon doing nothing but waxing philosophical about it, filling Quick Takes with my commentary and then calling my friends to subject them to further witticisms that I didn't have room for on the blog. How about some vacation pictures?

--- 6 ---

The famous Cattleman's Steakhouse

An evening drive in the desert

--- 7 ---

I am having to resist the urge to camp out on my front porch and attack our mail lady every time she comes by, shaking her by the collar as I ask rabidly, "IS THERE A PACKAGE FOR ME?!?!?!" This is because I ordered The Messies Manual: A Complete Guide to Bringing Order & Beauty to Your Home after Smoochagator left this comment:

I am an ex-slob and I LOOOOOOVE having a tidy and organized home now...I credit one book for my "conversion" -- The Messies Manual by Sandra Felton. I've read many books and articles about organization, but Felton's book changed my life because it changed my entire attitude and approach to housekeeping. I highly recommend it to any other "messies" out there who are desperate to transform their homes (and their lives)!

Done and done. I am now convinced that I am only a slob because I haven't read this book and that after reading it I'm instantly going to become exactly like Kristen of Small Treasures. I'll let you know how it goes.

----------------------

1. Matching Moonheads
2. Roxane@Peace Garden Mama
3. Fencing Bear at Prayer
4. Venite
5. Carolyn @ reluctant atheist
6. NCSue
7. DebbieQ @ stophershesknitting
8. Sara @ AShowerofRoses
9. Pharmgirl @ Adventures in Pharmland
10. Mary @ Hope Echoes
11. becomewhatyouare
12. Lisa Sweet
13. Amanda
14. Judy
15. Sarah @ This Heavenly Life
16. Brandilicious
17. suburbancorrespondent
18. The Keeping Time
19. It Feels Like Chaos
20. Old Skool Jill (first timer)
21. Angie @ Many Little Blessings
22. Trena @ The Third Prayer
23. Papua Girl in Dallas
24. At Least Three
25. Laura
26. Lisa (Are We There Yet?)
27. Gill-Life of a Photographer
28. Tami @ The Next Step
29. kim@baby yahyah
30. Becky @Beck's Three
31. Katherine @ The Domestic Church
32. Chelsea @ Roots & Rings

33. majellamom
34. Herb of Grace
35. Dakotapam
36. Marie, Two Ways of Renouncing the Devil
37. Smoochagator
38. Lenae
39. JoAnna @ A Star of Hope
40. Diana @ DePriest Days
41. Dawn Farias
42. Kathreja@ From Sibboleth to Shibboleth
43. Janet in Toronto
44. Joy @ joy in the morning
45. Sarah @ Simple Pleasures
46. Emily
47. Kathryn (The Bookworm)
48. Holly @ Hollison Journey
49. Rebecca
50. Laura @ Life, Faith, Home, School
51. Jen @ Happy Little Homemaker
52. Jordana @ Curmudgeonry
53. Caitie
54. Sarah @ Fumbling Toward Grace
55. Sarah Reinhard
56. Missus Wookie
57. Anne Marie @ East of Eden
58. ChrisV
59. Erin @ Sky Blue Pink Roses
60. Therese
61. Christina@Mrs. Broccoli Guy
62. Jesse - Don't Believe The Bible?
63. Work in Progress
64. Kristen @ St Monica's Bridge

65. Ranee @ Arabian Knits
66. Jaclyn
67. Meika @ Wandering Aramean
68. Chelsey @ The Crouch Family
69. theRosyGardener
70. Transitus Tiber
71. Aimee@ The Mother Load
72. Barbara C.@Box of Chocolates
73. Lerin @ Beautiful Chaos
74. Tina @ Multiple Mom T
75. Very Sleepy People
76. Emily
77. Paul A. Nelson
78. nadja@Patch O' Dirt Farm
79. annies home -
80. Rebecca (another one)
81. MinkyKat@Trocaria's Tantrums
82. Christian H @ The Thinking Grounds
83. Dympha @ The Well
84. Theresa @ Off Topic
85. Bill White
86. Peony Moss
87. Tracy@The Secret of Living
88. Erin@Seven Little Australians Plus One
89. Christi @ Our Journey
90. Elizabeth Mahlou
91. Therese (Aussie Coffee Shop)
92. Karen @ Flash Light
93. Elena @My Domestic church
94. Anna @ Annalogue
95. Michelle @ made4joy

Francis de Sales on Christian bloggers

2009-10-01T08:20:00.003-05:00

A Three-Minute Book Club post

Well, OK, seeing as how he was writing in the 17th century I suppose Francis de Sales might not have been thinking of comboxes and weblogs in particular, but that's what I immediately thought of when I read this in his excellent book Finding God's Will for You:

God's servants who have had the highest and most exalted inspirations have been the gentlest and most peaceable men in all the world. Such were Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Moses is called "a man exceedingly meek above all men." David is praised for his mildness.

On the contrary, the evil spirit is turbulent, bitter, and restless. Those who follow his hellish suggestions in the belief that they are heavenly inspirations can usually be recognized because they are unsettled, headstrong, haughty, and ready to undertake or meddle in affairs. Under the pretext of zeal, they subvert everything, criticize everyone, rebuke everyone, and find fault with everything. They are men without self-control and without consideration, who put up with nothing. In the name of zeal for God's honor, they indulge in the passions of self-love.

Unfortunately, the kind of behavior that reflects a soul in tune with the Holy Spirit is rarely what brings large amounts of traffic to a blog. Being "unsettled, headstrong, haughty, and ready to undertake or meddle in affairs" while "subverting everything, criticizing everyone, rebuking everyone, and finding fault with everything" is pretty much a recipe for how to have a popular website.

Also, the internet gives us unprecedented opportunities to express our opinions in a relatively consequence-free environment -- and, unlike face-to-face communication, it's surprisingly easy to fall into self-indulgent, careless speech when the only repercussions you'll face are words on a screen.

For example, yesterday I came across a blog post by an atheist who basically said that no intelligent person could be a Christian. With hardly a second thought I began typing up a scathing response full of passive aggressive insults and condescension, supposedly with the goal of defending God against such insults. Luckily I had just re-read this part of Finding God's Will for You, and St. Francis' words echoed in my mind as I asked myself: Is this about God's honor...or self-love? Re-reading my own turbulent words, the answer was obvious.

In our age of 24/7 communication it's especially important to remember: Just because we're defending God, doesn't mean we're reflecting God.