prodigal musings of a spoilt brat

Is this guy the greatest ever?

2009-07-06T23:00:00.005+05:30

One debate ended only for another to start. No sooner had Federer out-aced Andy Roddick on the hallowed SW 19 Centre Court than questions started floating about the greatest contemporary sportsperson. Poor A-Rod! The Nebraskan with the never-say-die attitude who had been anointed Pistol Pete's heir had outplayed and outwitted the one who was trying to stake claim to being the greatest ever tennis player only to be knocked out in a manner nobody had foreseen.

15 Grand Slams, 20 Grand Slam finals, 21 Grand Slam semifinals...The list might be fascinating compilation for a statistics buff. Just to put things in perspective, it is like staying the top batsman in T-20, Test and ODI cricket or being the FIFA World Footballer of the Year or winning over 90% of Formula 1 races not once but over the course of five years. Tiger Woods might point to his reign atop the Golf rankings; Lance Armstrong could point to all his Tour De France yellow jerseys; Haile Gebrsellasie would point to all the long distance records he has broken but...

Irrelevant!

Nobody amongst them has done it with so much ease, so much class, so little effort, so little difficulty and so much consistency. Rafael Nadal will always spring up when Federer critics speak but, lest we forget, tennis is probably the only sport which tests the versatility of an individual to the extent where fundamentals that apply to one surface don't necessarily hold on another.

So, is it a given that we are watching the greatest contemporary athlete? Michael Schumacher won five F1 Championships on the trot but Lewis' struggles this season have highlighted the importance of the machine in that sport. Besides, Michael didn't exactly cover himself in glory when a certain Fernando Alonso came along. Tiger Woods' will break all possible golfing records, but he will do that over a longer timeframe because of the nature of his sport. Yes, Woods has to take on the entire field all at once unlike Federer who has just one adversary at a time and just has to ensure that he is better than his opponent on the given day. Well, that is what pressure is about! Tiger Woods' disastrous Matchplay record (golfing equivalent of a tennis match) will bear testimony. Tendulkar, Ronaldo (Brazilian forward), Steve Redgrave (British rower), Lance Armstrong (American cyclist), Garry Kasparov etc. come to mind when reaching the pinnacle of one's profession gets talked about, but honestly, they have never overshadowed the sport like Federer has currently.

And, before you jump out accusing me of being elitist or sexist, I do admit that the above is just a list of male champions from sports which are not exactly nondescript.

No wonder, the act of coronation was so special. Hardly ever before have we witnessed such a power-packed celebrity gathering for a sporting event. It was as if greater powers had set it all up. By the time, Roger wins a few more Grand Slams, it might well be time to ask, "Is this guy the greatest ever?"

Back to Square Twenty?

2009-06-16T14:26:00.004+05:30

So, we are no good against ENT balls; we crumble under pressure; we need to stop playing the IPL; and we need to find a new skeeper to replace Moody Selfish Dhoni.This depressing media diagnosis- bearing a striking resemblance to the one about a certain neighbouring country a couple of days back- after failure to perform well in a tournament that has been likened to WWF, desserts and foreplay smacks of a convenient ignorance on part of the ever hypocritical media.

It is probably time to take a step back and dispel a few myths:

Myth 1: T-20 cricket is made for India

Individuals growing up playing a form of cricket colloquially referred to as gully cricket don't necessarily represent a perfect T-20 fit. Traditionally, Indian cricketers have never been athletic, innovative, powerful or tactful- qualities that are a must for the T-20 format. However,they have always been bestowed with talent and a sense of timing. With a fielding side that is bound to concede ten runs per game on an average and a bowling unit containing no mystery bowlers or bowlers of extreme pace, India were bound to struggle once T-20 started to be viewed as a science by other teams. As a good T-20 team, you need to have most of the above attributes or be ruthlessly efficient like South Africa are. India don't tick most boxes and that has been borne out by India's T-20 record since that World Cup victory. You can still win it all in this format if you have huge doses of fortune along the way and that in itself should be the biggest commentary about T-20 cricket.

Myth 2: Dhoni is Mr.Cool

M.S.Dhoni wouldn't even make the shortlist of the 100 most gifted players in the country. For a player with such limited gifts, he has to keep working on his game consistently and inventing himself. Add to this, the pressures of captaincy, wicketkeeping, girlfriends and advertisements (kiddology attached to the last two), it is no wonder that he has started getting very grumpy of late. Being critical of teammates, selectors and the Board in full media glare doesn't sit well with his Mr. Cool image. If anything, the game of cricket has once again proved to be the great equalizer.

Myth 3: Dhoni is Mr. Fool

Dhoni has been regarded as being selfish because of his approach to ODI and T-20 cricket of late. There is no doubt that he has made a conscious transition from the slam-bang approach when he first played international cricket to a more measured one. People tend to forget that most of those runs scored as a result of that carefree approach were made against bowling attacks that read Sami, Razzaq, Fernando,Vaas, Naved on the flat tracks back home. Dhoni, like most hitters, has a hitting zone which international bowlers have sussed out and stay away from. It is not Dhoni's fault that he is no longer able to create so many scoring opportunities. Rather, it is to his credit that he has managed to evolve an alternate batting methodology and managed to stay in the hunt and not become another of those one-year castaways. Sachin Tendulkar too made a not too dissimilar transition not long back. However, where Dhoni needs to buck up is in his belief that he can comfortably chase down 10 runs on an average over a period of time. Some of the greatest individuals in the game who have worked with Dhoni have called him the smartest cricketer around and when he has a few off-days, we would be better served with a "it's time to move on" on our part rather than have a go at him. Equalizer or not, expect Dhoni to be back trying to get one up on others. He has got that cheek that has rarely been seen in Indian cricket.

Myth 4: India are going to leave the rest of world cricket behind

Individual work ethic has never been India's strength. For a team to stake claim to being the best in the world, it has to be together for some time and then be able to make the transition to the next level. Talent and that surprise element will only get you a certain distance .There is something about the Indian psyche that has prevented this from happening, thus far anyhow. We know what happened when Greg Chappell brought in some tough training routines; we see how Yuvraj has gone from being one of the best fielders in the world to possibly the worst in the Indian team and we have also seen the stagnation in all our fast (read medium) bowlers but one. We are still going to have phases when we take world cricket by storm (ala Pakistan) when we get a team of young, talented individuals. But, as word goes around about their weaknesses,a process likely to be expedited by the IPL, we will also get Indian teams that dabble in mediocrity for a while.

Myth 5: India need to look for another captain

Dhoni has been India's shrewdest captain over the last decade and should be in the saddle for the foreseeable future just by virtue of the fact that he is the only certainty in the playing eleven. The other two contenders, Sehwag and Yuvraj, have never displayed any consistency in all forms of the game over a period of time and have always been found wanting when it comes to work ethic.

So, the prognosis, in reality, shouldn't be all that depressing. India, just by virtue of the exposure that its talent pool gets should be amongst the best in the world which in itself represents a far cry from the past, but unless a team of individuals with the drive of an Anil Kumble or a Sachin Tendulkar come along, it is difficult to see a group of youngsters- pampered and built up by the media without having proven their mettle - take the next step. Till then, it is time to tone down expectations of an invincible Indian side but at the same time cherish the fact that every defeat is not going to get us back to Square One as was the case in the past. Considering the format, Square Twenty would be appropriate, right?

The malaise -I

2008-12-03T23:57:00.002+05:30

So, here goes another of those pseudo-intellectuals ranting about the Mumbai blasts and all that is supposedly negative about India- its politicians; its society; its neighbours;its people et al. The Mumbai attacks will go down as a landmark event in awakening the collective conscience of the 'common man'. If the anger is palpable and bursting at the seams, it has probably got less to do with the inevitability of these attacks and helplessness when one does happen but more to do with the fact that this was the first time that the upper echelons (read affluent upper strata) of society was targeted.

In its aftermath, we are already witnessing the customary recriminations. There have been questions raised about insufficient infrastructure; the security and even the media. No other country in the world is faced with such a multitude of difficulties when tackling any issue. Our secular and pluralistic credentials always seem to come in way. The USA had to stand up to a barrage of criticism once the interrogation for 9/11 commenced for the way minorities (read bearded individuals) were isolated and targeted. The American society by and large, however was unaffected. Contrast the situation with India where the killing of every individual in any 'encounter' has political repurcussions.

I suspect that we have carried too much baggage ever since Independence because of the word 'secular' in the Preamble to the Constitution. For all things that the endearing Mahatma was able to obtain, his methods have ensured that we will forever be burdened by minority appeasement that will always prevent us from taking decisive action as a society.

The Indo-Pakistan conflict has been allowed to linger on for so long that it would put the Middle East conflict to shame. We have reached such a dead end where a round of talks is said to be successful if a consensus has been arrived at to meet again. Successful resolution of the Kashmir crisis would require a major compromise on the part of one of the sides which cannot be foreseen in the near future.

The less said about the leadership vacuum at the centre, the better. Manmohan is honest but soft; Advani and Modi are tough but communal; Mayawati and Pawar are shrewd but regionalists; Sonia is probably downright incompetent. Voting has suddenly become an exercise in trying to pick out the lesser of the evils- an elimination as compared to positive support. Is it realistic to expect decisive and fair action from this motley crowd?

Threats of controlled military action constitute mere hollow rhetoric since the reality of the situation is something else. Pakistan is a nuclear state where worryingly the controls are in the hands of rogue elements. India cannot afford to be reckless as a result of the actions of its political forefathers and its best hope lies in a sustained international diplomatic effort backed by concrete pressure tactics.

India probably needs a decisive political mandate in the next parliamentary elections. Right-wing or centrist, the ruling formation should have the mandate to carry out reforms and govern without the pulls of a coalition government.

The country as a whole could benefit if:

1) Regional parties are banned. The political system can simply survive with so many stakeholders who have a parochial outlook. Regional parties should be given space only in the assembly elections and there should be no more than three entities fighting it out at the national level.All states should be guranteed a budget amount commensurate to its size so that the respective State Governments can pursue policies that suit the interests of the state best.

2) Press censorship is imposed along the lines of the Red Kingdom. The media has to play a responsible role as it does in the USA (at least from an American perspective) or has to be forced to play one if it doesn't toe the line. As praiseworthy as the coverage in the print media has been, some of the news broadcasts have been horrendously lopsided. Most of the Hindi news channels are a disgrace especially when a crisis is at hand and the only sane and balanced coverage is not surprisingly on Doordarshan. Leaving the choice of what to watch to the audiences works fine when we talk about an educated society but in a society like ours, the media should bear in mind the fact that it has a responsibility to educate and not just trivialise and sensationalise. The barrage of criticism directed at our politicians by our media has left everybody disillusioned. Does Cuba or Venezuela have better leaders in Fidel Castro or Hugo Chavez? Did America have a better President in Dubyaman? But why are they still endeared?

3) The dignity of the administrative services is restored in terms of work profile and compensations. We could definitely stretch our subsidy bill to have more motivated policemen, bureaucrats and defence staff. It could also reduce if not wipe out corruption which has been the perennial bane of our society.

4) Indiscriminate entry of foreign nationals into this country is stopped. All consulates should be alerted as the importance of screening individuals thoroughly something the US has been able to achieve post 9/11. The borders should be sealed and if it means army deployment throughout the year, so be the case. The Navy, Coast Guard and Coastal Police should have an integrated command at the top so that a unified policy can be arrived at. India could also follow the Homeland Security model to traffic its skies effectively. These attacks cannot be prevented by having a more sophisticated police force but only through a more co-ordinated intelligence effort.

Oh captain, my captain!

2008-11-02T16:34:00.004+05:30

It could have ended no other way! As the champion motored in from the top of his bowling run with that trademark hop, skip and jump for one final time in international cricket, and thus relieve himself of all the burdens that he has had to face over the last year, Mathew Hayden backed out because of disturbances in front of the sightscreen. It was a false start! And now he had to go through that whole process again to attain that "bliss in solitude" which every individual encounters once during his/her lifetime. And he got hit for a boundary!

Nothing could have epitomised Kumble' s career better than those final moments at the Kotla.Here was a cricketer who had gone through 18 years of toil but had never had time to sit back and savour his achievements (of which there were innumerable). He had to start all over and prove himself again at evry point of time in his career. Anil Kumble knew nothe word joy because he wasn't ordained as a cricketer and the joy of playing sport comes only to amateurs and those professionals who are supremely gifted. Anil Kumble was neither. After all, he was a misfit, wasn't he? An engineer by education; a bespectacled young man whose looks would have done an academic proud; a leg-spinner who delivered the ball from the vertical and one who spun his spun his googly more and the most inelegant of batsmen to watch. For him, every morning was a question of sustainabilty, reinventing himself so as not to get found out and proving all and sundry wrong over and over again. He couldn't have afforded to let his guard drop for that would have meant that batsmen would have devoured him up in that moment of complacency. He courted immortality all through the latter half of his career but they always proved to be false dawns for every period of exultation in his career was accompanied by disappointment just like that Matty Hayden boundary

Amidst the legion of greats, Anil Kumble was the greatest match-winner. Sachin Tendulkar had some fine batsmen in the middle order but recall an Indian bowler of class and conviction barring Javagal Srinath over the last 15 years. He turned India into a cricketing fortress and made it a formidable test match unit for the first time in its history. Mohammed Azharuddin will still tell you how much more important Kumble was when compared to Sachin from India's perspective. But one again suspects that the word match-winner will never sit well on Kumble's shoulders. He was neither flamboyant nor charismatic as all match-winners are.

It is very rare for a successful sportsperson to be adored all over the world as a great gentleman as well. Anil Kumble was just that. No cricketer has made a comment that has created as many flutters as when Anil Kumble said,"There was only one team playing in the proper spirit of the game" after the Sydney test. That spoke as much about the man's aggression as about the respect that he commands. It was a comment that ruffles Adam Gilchrist and Roy Symonds to this day. That he was the only stakeholder to come out unscathed also speaks much for the integrity and values that he has upheld and cherished throughout his career.

He makes for a great role model for lesser mortals as Rahul Dravid will gladly confess. He put into practice the maxim that anything could be attained through sheer hard-work, determination and perseverance. We might all try to emulate a Sachin Tendulkar but we must not lose sight of the fact that Sachin was supremely talented when he started off and that such a gem comes through only once in a generation. Kumble represents the common individual, one who has to give his all for any bit of success or recognition and one who has to improve all the time in order to progress.

Sport won't see a greater competitor than Anil Kumble. I haven't revelled in any Indian victory as much as I have seeing Anil Kumble bowl with a fractured jaw and plastered skull but still toiling with great skill against two of the greatest exponents of batsmanship in modern times: Carl Hooper and Brian Lara. Jumbo might have grimaced more with every over as it became excruciatingly painful and his plaster might have kept coming off, but not for once did he waver. It made for poignant viewing because even the Indian players on the field had been stunned to silence. I can also not imagine any cricketer who would have come out to bowl after having been administered 10 stitches in a game that was destined for a tame end. I somehow suspect that events like these will be etched in my mind more than a Tendulkar hundred or a Yuvraj blitzkrieg.

All the wickets that he picked up will be crucial in building up Kumble, the spin-legend for the sake of posterity. Just for pure effort and commitment, he deserves a place in the exalted company of Warne and Murali. The sheer weight of wickets will ensure just that. After all, we measure the greatness of past players by sheer numbers, don't we? Contemporaries won't grant Kumble similar leeway because for all his wickets, he was a limited operator. Maybe, he had to retire to derive that joy out of his achievements.

It could have ended no other way! If ever there was a snapshot of a career, this was it. It was surreally ironic! He scored valuable runs in a manner only Anil Kumble can; he got injured off the bowling of his heir apparent trying to pull off an impossible chance; he came back to compete with a single hand but was unable to bowl out Australia for there was not enough assistance in the track. It could have ended no other way!

Is there a way out?

2008-10-14T23:00:00.004+05:30

It has been a fortnight of tremendous torture! Terrorist attacks all these years had represented mere newsreel for me; a timely reminder to our Government and the world at large that Kashmir was an issue that needed to be resolved. Most people might have been shaken by 9/11, but once again to this author- who by the way confessed to be a Chomsky fan- it was an action with an objective to grab attention.

However, life has taken a turn for worse over the last two months. Paul Krugman might have won a Nobel in predicting the global meltdown but there hardly seems to be any degree of uncertainty in forecasting terror strikes. And suddenly, as I travel in the sub-urban network day in and day out, there is this chilling realisation that I am at the very centre of it, wholly exposed and vulnerable.

There are some questions that have been bothering me ever since as we all try and rack our heads in finding a solution to this. Should India give up on Kashmir and pursue the problem of Bangla immigrants aggressively so that we can live in peace once and for all? Would that be a sign of weakness and more importantly would that ensure stability given the imperialistic designs of nation-states so beautifully captured by Adam Smith? And how do we tackle this menace of communalism, something that is undoubtedly just an irritant in most eyes but one threatening to take on dangerously extreme proportions all the time? Should religious teachings be banned or should all measures be taken to preserve our heritage rich in religion and culture? Do we claim to be secular in the first place? Why should a pseudo-secular country like ours witness so much bloodbath in the name of religion?

India's greatest failing is ironically its greatest strength- its claim to being the world's richest and most inclusive democracy. It is only here that we try to understand communalism and terrorism; and it is only India that can celebrate the canonisation of Sister Alphonsa when there are questions being asked about relationships vis-a-vis the Christian community. Ironically, it is these secular and democratic credentials have given a free rein to all extremist groups and what we are witnessing these days is the culmination point where a battered ego guided by a primitive mindset vents its anger. Be it the Danish cartoon, Hussain's paintings or Tibet, India seems to be a pivot for all manifestations of hurt. If people thought that education was the solution, we all now know that the threat now comes from the most sophisticated computer engineers in the world as well.

These are all seriously disturbing questions! How do we ensure that every individual has a societal orientation? Maybe, it is just time to chuck that artificial fabric that we seem to have so conveniently woven and rid ourselves of all delusions. But, again we are a peace-loving nation! Huh!

A letter to the honourable Prime Minister of India

2008-08-31T18:00:00.004+05:30

Dear Prime Minister,

It is with great anguish that I record these thoughts of mine in a year that was supposed to be your signature one. During the last two months, the Indian political space has witnessed an upheaval of sorts that could have significant consequences in the next parliamentary elections, and as a result prove significant in this country's future.

Over the last six months, I have witnessed, first with admiration, your evolution as a politician from a suave academic and economist and then with trepidation and alarm, the denigration of one supposedly honest and one who supposedly stood for values and ethos into just one of those politicos.

Even when Indian parliamentary democracy reached its nadir through the cash-for-vote scandal on the 22nd of July, here was a citizen silently cheering you on in the belief that it was all for a noble cause. When you, honourable PM, took on the Left single-handedly much against the whims of all the powers at the Centre, an entire nation rejoiced, undoubtedly surprised. For a country with an aspiring middle class which had been let down by the regressive policies of the Left, here was their messiah- their saviour in times of a distress. Your mass appeal reached such heights that Sonia Gandhi was forced to ask "why not" to a question on whether Manmohan Singh would lead the UPA in the next General Elections; Akshay Kumar suddenly found a competitor vying for space for the tag of 'Singh is King' and the Congress was suddenly looking upto you for direction. As one noted television anchor put it, "Manmohan Singh would go down in the annals of Indian history for having changed the economic landscape though reforms as Finance Minister and now for having changed the Foreign Policy map through the Indo-US Nuclear Deal". India Inc. rejoiced at the prospect of the derailed reforms process being put back on track with the Left no longer existent to change track. And an aspirational India- for long on the cusp of becoming a global force- rejoiced at the prospect of being a recognised global power at last.

But the reality, Mr. Prime Minister, would put most to shame. We have seen the worst game of political one-upmanship since then and what really pains me is that you, Mr. Prime Minister have been at its forefront. Bihar has been ravaged by floods over the last fortnight, and Mr. Prime Minister, you felt that your relationship with Lalu Yadav was so sacrosanct that you didn't find time to discuss things over with CM Nitish Kumar! Ratan Tata- the epitome of corporate value and responsibility not only in India but all over the world has been hit hard by protests from some nondescript individuals in Singur and Mr. Prime Minister, your Government prefers to turn a blind eye because it could do with a few seats from the Trinamool National Congress in the next elections! The Nano project was going to be India's claim to fame in the global manufacturing industry and now it has become an object of scorn! What is more despicable is that Mr. Tata took up the project in West Bengal to put it on the path of industrialisation and look at what we have got into! When that Commerce Minister par excellence, Mr. Kamal Nath tried to put in a word for Mr. Tata, he was shouted down by powers at the centre. And we thought you were pro-reforms!

Nothing in recent Indian history has been as cataclysmic as the abject internal security scenario. First, the Gurjar agitations that paralysed life in North India; the spate of bombings in Ahmedabad; the never-before witnessed pleas for separation on Indian soil in Kashmir and all the violence as a result of the Amarnath Land Dispute and now communal riots in Orissa between the Hindu and Christian community. It just goes to show the nature of the spineless opposition that your most inept Home Minister, Mr. Shivraj Patil continues to be at the helm with the task of sorting out all these disputes being left to that troubleshooter for all times- Mr. Pranab Mukherjee and your fabulous team of bureaucrats. Heads would have been rolling in any other country.

And now to your forte: economics and reforms. Ever since that trust vote, your team has been fighting fire trying to curtail inflation which has reached record heights. Thoughts of reforms look very far-fetched at this point of time. The FM has suddenly become invisible and the reality of the matter is that there are so many other issues facing us at this point of time that inflation doesn't necessarily seem to be a concern. That is the way, we Indians are, aren't we? We just have this freakish ability to absorb anything that is thrown at us.

And finally your record on education! The discriminatory minority policies on education have invited the ire of faculty of the leading institutes in the country at last. First, it was student reservation, then it was relaxing the cut-offs even further to fill seats that were still vacant, then came faculty reservation and finally, the extremely laughable proposition of an All-Women's IIT, a proposal so ridiculous that it was shot down by the Chairman of the Planning Commission, even though it came from the honourable President.

Mr. Prime Minister, can you still maintain a clean conscience and honourable silence even through all of this? When in North America, a certain Democrat is capturing the imagination of the masses talking of change and invoking the spirit of that legend, Martin Luther King Jr. through that famous "I have a dream" speech, are we wrong in expecting a brighter future? Are we wrong in wanting the Dream Team to rekindle our dreams and ambitions and spark our quest for supremacy? Mr Prime Minister, please uncover your cloak for it is too repulsive for us. We would rather not have you as a politician. Or Mr. Prime Minister, are the next Lok Sabha elections your way of being recorded in the history books? Mr. Prime Minister, history doesn't create leaders; leaders create history!

The week that wasn't

2008-07-27T19:18:00.003+05:30

A chronological account of a few 'very interesting' days:

July 24th -
The time is 0001 hrs. I look forward to my Hyderabad trip and have an early morning flight to catch courtesy Go-Air. The trip is an official one as part of our induction process and there are around 50 of us making the trip from Mumbai to Hyderabad. Much to my dismay, I find out that I have been booked on IC (Indian Airlines) for the return leg. My dismay turns into anguish when I realise that I am amongst the 'fortunate few' who wasn't to get an opportunity to fly on Kingfisher during the round trip. One of my friends calls on me to rub it in at this late hour.

My dad is out of station and hence I place three alarms along the sides of my head and manage to wake up when the first rings. I am on top of the world when I leave my house and get abused by a taxi-driver when I attempt to wake him up. I sombre down and finally get a cab to reach the airport. My friends already start taunting me at this early hour and I rub salt into my own wound by complaining. My friends, X & Y, who incidentally are on Kingfisher are a big pain. Two stewards welcome me on board and there is no breakfast on offer- facts not missed by X & Y. If only they had been this alert every morning of their lives, they would have already gone a long way. I sleep well all my flight and make a naively unconvincing attempt to force upon the point that Go-Air is a better flight to travel on when you are looking for sleep.

My attire at this point of time is a mix of what a wacky Yankee and a hippie Indian would wear at night. I am in shorts which pass off as three-fourths as we reach the spanking hotel. I am led by the hostel staff to a place which I presume to be my room and much to my consternation, I find that I am in an auditorium with one of the heads of the organization I work for addressing us. I have half an urge to turn back and run for cover (literally), but I realise that most eyes are already fixed on this 'interesting guy' and sensibly, take a seat. I try to make my legs conspicuous by their absence and cover them with as many chairs as possible. People who know me well would concur with me when I say that there are more sightings of the blue moon than my getting angry, but at that point of time, I was seething. Being a GreenPeace activist, I feel compelled to attend the call of nature in between and slowly my inhibitions disappear and legs start to appear.

I don't think I have anticipated any moment in life as much as I did lunch that day for it gave me an opportunity to change. Kidding aside, it isn't a lot of fun turning up wearing beach attire at a plenary with the top executives of your organisation- which prides itself on etiquette- addressing you. I spend the rest of the day responding to various queries regarding my dressing sense. I feel like a celebrity addressing the media regarding a fashion faux-pas, the likes of which haven't been heard of since Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction at the Superbowl a couple of years back.

I liberate myself at the late-night party though I still find myself justifying why a three-fourths extends only till your knee.

July 25th:
The time is 0001 hrs. Am pool-side when a foreigner comes up and pulls his weight around. "I guess the sun has gone down and it is not a great time to get a tan. Better off indoors", he tells me. I feel like boxing him on his ears but realise that am thoroughly outnumbered and take recourse to keeping calm. Retire to my room where my roommate tries to do his best impersonation of the Titanic 'hands on misty glass inside the car scene'. I wouldn't have minded it but the only problem is that he is inside the bathroom and makes some some weird sounds to boot.

I am woken up by the same sounds, the same window-panes and the same hands. Things are not helped when I realise that my mate seems to be deriving great pleasure out of his actions . I get an urge to check out quickly but still manage to reach my session late. As punishment, I am asked to do a duet with another sinner where I go down on my knees and feel thoroughly miffed. I don't leave the room during any of the breaks for fear of being late. A day for gayish pursuits indeed!

I start feeling more upbeat towards the end of the day and feel that my luck has changed for better. Take a good nap on the journey back to the airport. X & Y who are still my friends - and are on the IC flight- get themselves checked in and ask me to take a seat near theirs. Unsurprisingly, my request gets turned down and in keeping with times, I get a seat near the wash-room- an euphemism for a stinking toilet. I suspect that it is another prank on the part of X & Y.

Being hungry, I search for something to eat but I find the only thing costing less than a dollar to be pizza toppings. After much investigation, I buy a pizza at a cost that doesn't hurt my conscience much. I can't find a place to sit and my obsession for savouring the pizza lands me near X & Y, who are still my friends. And lo behold! I can only convey my sense of hunger after the pizza was devoured and leave the rest to the imagination of the reader, if at all there is one.

I sleep well again and get the shock of my life when I hear the pilot announce that we were 50 miles from Mumbai but were to keep circling for the next 90 minutes because of landing permissions. I am convinced that the plane would run out of fuel by then and rush down to the front just to confirm with my friends that what I had just heard wasn't just a figment of my imagination. My friends tell me that I wasn't dreaming but that is hardly relief and I go to sleep half-expecting not to wake up.

The flight lands thankfully at its destination but we are forced to wait another half an hour before descending from the plane and another 15 minutes before the bus arrives at the 'bus-stop'. The journey in the IC bus turns out to be marginally better than a ride on BEST and everybody is so mentally exhausted that nobody bothers taunting me again. I reach home uneventfully and say Amen!

Trust or Mistrust!

2008-07-22T15:41:00.002+05:30

A presumptive look at tomorrow's morning newspapers:

Initial Impressions!

2008-07-13T22:13:00.004+05:30

A week that started on a rotten note ended with me " putting my feet up" as Ricky Ponting would put it. Though it has been a couple of weeks with my first employers, my weeks still run from Monday to Sunday (for the uninitiated, weeks in office run from.....Oops! I forgot what they told me during my induction. Good riddance!).

Roger lost; India lost and worst of all, I had to wake up at 7 in the morning after spending a weekend with customary rainy-season blues. Though Indian cricket has ceased to captivate me ever since the Dravid-Chappell era, my jingoism and misplaced sense of national duty make me want India to win every time they play. But I would still take an Indian defeat for a Federer slam! How can somebody not like Roger? His equanimity, confidence, humility and class have meant that my support for him has always been unequivocal. Besides, I have always found Nadal's physique repulsive and obnoxious.

Getting sacked by your first firm within two weeks of joining wouldn't necessarily constitute a "peak in your career" and being a firm believer in journalistic propriety, I shall stay away from that. So what about India's greatest paradox, Mumbai? The standard organizational answer for that seems to be the "place where the slum-dwellers and the millionaire co-exist". I have found Mumbai to be a pathetic city to be honest with deplorable representation in the IPL. I am still to comprehend the fascination for this city that seems to be omnipresent amongst creed of our kind. I bet that there would be no other city in the world where you would require a train, a two-wheeler, a four-wheeler and a boat to really feel comfortable about moving around.

It is a city with messy traffic jams; gargantuan property valuations and uncomfortable pollution levels so much so that I reckon it won't be long before slums start constituting a reasonable bedroom, hall and kitchen integrated 1 BHK. The positives would be the pubs, the malls and of course the ubiquitous opposite sex. I wonder if girls have a similar priority list too! The only thing that has really elicited a chuckle out of me would have to be the cops. All cops look eerily similar; have greying moustaches the length of which would have given Veerappan a run for his money; have those big tummies with a book in hand and an Enfield for support and keep chewing something or the other. They would indeed make good brand ambassadors for the pan/ghutka firms though I may be naive in assuming that they have not yet shifted to friendlier confectioneries.

All these inconvenient truths about Mumbai reminded me about the 'trinity of books' that V.S. Naipaul -guess I have to call him Sir but again I am in an organisation which is extremely flat and discourages such practices; just to prove I wasn't sleeping all along during my induction- wrote about India which I unsuccessfully tried to complete during my vacations. The innate pessimism and inherent negativity about India made me give up finally. Vidya Naipaul might have praised by the sycophantic Indian media for the positive specks that he might have thrown out but I find it hard to reason why we seem to be ever so keen to embrace him as Indian. I consider him to be as much of an Indian as I consider Shobaa De to stand for the whole of humanity. Her penchant for female chauvinism would come a close second to the Left's China posturing as far as cliches go in Indian society.

Talking of which, I am really starting to get worried about the high rates of inflation and the economic recession for the first time in my life. I have got a pay coming up and have got a decent list of necessities, comforts and luxuries to procure. Most of my friends have already felt the pinch after a couple of dinners with their girlfriends - one of my luxuries by the way- and have already started anticipating their next pay. Some of my friends are also in the pursuit of trying to figure out which job would suit them best and are in the process of shifting already. Choosing the best place to work has all of of a sudden become as complex as solving Schrodinger's wave equation or understanding with certainty, Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle. You can carefully examine all options at hand and get confused; you can pick one out of those at random and still get confused after you start working or you can pick the one that pays you most and still get confused about the intricacies of the pay package. Maybe one of those IITians working should think of doing some research on how to solve this conundrum and come up with a mathematical equation . The very words 'higher studies' should only serve to add to his confusion.

Thus passes an uneventful life! Got to sleep now or I might well end up emptying the coffee-vending machine at office in my attempts to stay awake.

Vivam Joga Bonito

2008-06-14T10:15:00.004+05:30

The football aficionado had given up on Euro '08. Without the ebullient energy of the Africans-so beautifully exemplified by that Senegalese midfielder, Papa Bouba Diop at the World Cup a few years back-and the creative and technical brilliance of the South Americans, he had forecast a bland, insipid tournament with the inherent fear- so much a characteristic of European sides-making for tedious viewing. It was a prognosis which had a background to it as Otto Rehagel had so efficiently but boringly illustrated with his Greek outfit four years back.

But just a week into the tournament, we have already seen some of the most exhilarating football on display at the international level in recent memory. European football has been given a whiff of fresh air by five sides playing some of the most pleasing (read audacious) football: Portugal, Germany, Spain, Russia and the Dutch.

The Oranje have undoubtedly been the story of the tournament. Renowned for introducing the concept of total football by that brilliant Rinus Michels and epitomised so brilliantly by the legendary triumvate of Ruud Gullit, Frank Rijkaard and Marco Van Basten at the '88 Euro Championships, the Dutch performance has indeed been a pleasant surprise. Notorious for internal bickering and attitude problems, Van Basten has made them communicate effectively through the medium of football. Their free-flowing style has been given impetus by the adventurous Van Basten and it is not difficult to see why Real Madrid want to get Ronaldo to complement Van Nistelrooy, Robben and Schneider. Now that would be quite a combination!

But let us not forget Portugal who have looked invincible albeit in an easy group. Very few coaches have achieved consistency at the international level in the manner Big Phil has and he continues to reap rich rewards with that system of a single forward, a playmaker and two defensive midfielders backed by - the now-to-be-certain World Footballer of the year- Christiano Ronaldo.

Spain are also flourishing by gambling with Elnino and the Mestalla favourite- David Villa- up front. But there are fears that Aragones' penchant for Xavi over Fabregas might cost them dear in the later stages at which Spain have been notoriously succeptible. Germany have just carried off from where they left in the last World Cup playing a brand of football that is so distantly German. For all the talk, Klinsmann has indeed been able to leave behind a legacy and inspite of that loss to Croatia, the presence of that talisman Michael Ballack must still make them contenders. Few footballers turn up for the big occasion as frequently as Ballack does and with the best 1-2 strike partnership in the tournament, they will be there at the business end of the tournament.

Guus Hiddink might have branded his team 'naive' after the loss to Spain, but there was a distinct Hiddink stamp in the way Russia played. The miracle conjurer- as Hiddink is known for his exploits with South Korea and Australia- has his task cut out, but there is unmistakable promise in this young Russian unit.

The most positive aspect about the tournament is that England haven't been missed and that is testimony to the football that has been on display. All the football aficionado can now say is Vivam Joga Bonito.

The IPL review

2008-06-02T12:37:00.003+05:30

So,time to set aside egotism and make a few candid admissions:

1) The teams with the two best captains in the tournament entered the final. If the franchises are watching, this should lead to a paradigm shift in the way teams are constructed next season. From this point on, the author shall never question M.S. Dhoni's intentions as a cricketer. He has throughout this tournament shown his versatility as a batsman and the final loss only enhanced his reputation as a captain. At least this phlegmatic character will no longer carry the mridiculous tag of a lucky captain. He led his team with great composure to win the Fair Play award by a distance; he was tactically excellent throughout the tournament and the way he rallied his troops after the loss was for me the moment of the tournament.

2) The best team in the tournament won. PERIOD Mr.Hollywood won the battle hands down against Kollywood. The battle lived up to its billing but finally it was the colourful and enigmatic but inspirational champion, Shane Warne who had the last laugh. Though the author whinged at the fact that he was allowed to get away with pathetically poor over rates, Warnie was spot on with his tactical nous. Emerging Media- the laughing stock befor the tournament displayed all its cricketing acumen acquired from years of T-20 success at Leicestershire. The only outstanding choice they made was that of Shane Warne outside of Yusuf Pathan. But the champion leg-spinner tweaked it all together as only he can.

3) India's most revered cricketers were exposed as very poor captains. Ganguly, unsurprisingly, made some very smart moves as captain at the auction but had to suffer as a result of the no-show of Shoaib and Gayle as well as his own poor form. Laxman was let down by a set of non-performing assets including R.P.Singh and his injury and the collective tactical naivete didn't help. Tendulkar's choices were questionable and it was not until that PR man for all times, Harsha Bhogle brought in Bravo and Smith that Mumbai got going. Tendulkar was poor tactically in the close games but undoubtedly had a presence about himself. Dravid had nothing but his runs to crow about.

4) DC and RCB had awesome cheerleaders. RCB would have won the style quotient award any day with that leggy lass Katrina Kaif hogging more camera time than the team itself when she was present. The closing ceremony paled in comparison to the opening one as well.

5) The IPL was a bumper-hit in India. For an idea whose lead time was barely 7 months, the IPL was brilliantly packaged and executed. The gala and glamour was truly world-class; the organisation was brilliant and for once even the controversies were handled profesionally by the BCCI.

What I wrote about the IPL months back!

2008-05-29T15:56:00.003+05:30

Lalit Modi is considered to be amongst the 30 most powerful Indians today. Heir to the Modi business empire; Vice-President of the BCCI; Commissioner of the Indian Premier League (IPL) and already it is a pretty heady list. And this canny businessman from Rajasthan deserves every bit of the accolades coming his way. A 7 fold increase in BCCI revenues over 2 years and a brainwave, the IPL that has sent the ICC and other member nations scurrying for cover and holding emergency meetings. The question that will inevitably rise once the pandemonium prevailing calms down would invariably be: Is the IPL here to stay?

Modi himself called the IPL India’s answer to the EPL (England’s club football championship for the less initiated) – the ubiquitous fad amongst today’s generation fed on an overdose of cable television. To the average sport enthusiast, this might sound perfectly reasonable and exciting. But the devil lies in the details.

Club football had its genesis in the later half of the 19^th century; a good half a century before international soccer kicked off. The Arsenals and the Liverpools of the world were well established by the time international football really kicked off with the first World Cup in the colonial era. Similar is the case with English county cricket which has its own history and hence is the most revered domestic competition. The IPL on the other hand is forced to do it the other way around. International cricket is already the established product and through the IPL we are initiating ourselves to the franchisee/club model.\

Here are a few numbers to digest first!

Going entirely unnoticed last year was a successful bid by ESPN to the tune of 1.1 billion USD for 18 ICC tournaments including the next two cricket world cups (one of which will be held in India) and a few T-20 WCs. Reconcile that with a SONY/WSG bid of 1 billion USD for the IPL over a period of 10 years. If you are left flabbergasted, it is with good reason. ESPN which had broadcast rights to the recent T-20 WC got advertisers to shell out 16,500 USD for a 30 second slot for primetime games like India-Australia and India- Pakistan. Even accounting for the same rates holding for the entire duration of the IPL (which is a fascinating assumption to put it mildly), Sony/WSG makes around 60 million USD annually which still represents a considerable loss. ESPN’s net advertising revenues during the hugely controversial and entertaining series of Australia was just 81 million USD. Whether the IPL is going to get as many people hooked on is anybody’s guess.

Now for the franchises!

The fascinating aspect about the franchise bidding was the valuations of some of the cities. While Mumbai, Bangalore and like were valued at sums in excess of a 100 million USD, cricket crazy Kolkata, Mohali and the rest were valued for sums sub 80 million USD. This is the clearest indication that the bids had more to do than pure business sense. Such wide differences would have been acceptable with a Delhi or a Jaipur which are not considered to be amongst the glamour capitals but what about Kolkata and Mohali?

The terms of the IPL say that almost four-fifth of the amount the IPL gets from media rights, sponsorship rights and television rights is shared amongst the franchises adding upto 10 million USD per year per franchise. CEOs of most franchises admit that local stadium rights, ticket revenues, merchandising and corporate hospitality could gain franchises a maximum of 8 million USD per year. This is assuming jam packed stadiums with ticket pricing at the levels of current international matches. Reconcile annual revenues of 18 million USD to annual operational expenses of around 8-9 million USD including player salaries and the initial investment that has been made to acquire the rights to the franchise to the tune of 7-10 million USD per year. For a logical accountant, the business sense doesn’t quite kick in. The franchises have been given the option to get listed on the Stock Exchange, but the detail lies in the fact that franchises and Sony/WSG, the two major investors stand to make losses for a considerable part of the 10 year period even considering a bumper-hit IPL.

And the lesson from the EPL is that clubs running losses generally sink in no time unless you are Mr. Roman Abrahamovich running Chelsea to get a foot into the glamour pie. Even if Mr. Ambani and Co. have similar intentions, it is certainly not a viable business model for a format very much untested.

This brings us to the question whether the IPL will take off from a cricketing perspective. If past flirtations with the franchisee model in India are anything to go by, the IPL is in for disaster. The hugely hyped Premier Hockey League is hardly in the news these days after a very successful first season. Similar is the case with the ICL. Rationalists will immediately point out to the viewership gap that exists between the two sports in case of the former and the ICL not really taking off with the latter. As cricket expert Harsha Bhogle points out, “The endurability of the IPL will depend on whether people will come out and support two teams at the same time: the national team and the respective franchise”. Critics feel that the IPL couldn’t have got its timing any worse with India threatening at long last to be a world power on the field of play. At this point in time, it seems too much to ask the average supporter to set aside nationalist jingoism for regional parochialism which would be required. This is unlike the EPL where years of national mediocrity have made supporters take refuge in the solace that the local club provides. Besides, there would also be a large chunk of uncommitted viewership in the Hindi heartlands, players from where have been largely responsible for India’s renewed strength. It is going to be difficult for a Mumbaikar to root against Agarkar playing for Kolkata bowling to Tendulkar. Similarly, the youth brigade would find it extremely hurting to root against Mohali which threw up some of the performers of the Australian tour.

Truthfully speaking, the IPL will provide a lesser spectacle in terms of the best in the world competing against each other when compared to the ICL. On careful analysis, most franchises wouldn’t be left with more than two mainstream international stars when the IPL reaches its climax due to international commitments. That leaves us with nothing but a jacked-up version of a regional T-20 tournament which was held last year, not surprisingly in empty stadiums. Most ICL teams on the other hand, have at least 4 international stars, albeit a few recent retirees.

The biggest obstacle that the IPL faces could very well have to do with the BCCI’s pretensions to help youngsters through this venture. The ICL which would be categorized as a damp squib for all practical purposes has however managed to send the BCCI into a corner over the state of domestic cricket in India; hence the move to have players from the franchise territory and U-22 players. It is undoubtedly going to cut little ice with anybody, least of all the cricket enthusiast who would rather have a full fledged ensemble of cricket stars. Astronomical salary packages would then be an exception rather than the norm and the issue of defections to the ICL would no longer arise.

Besides, it would make more sense if an Ishant Sharma turns out for a Delhi and a Harbhajan Singh turns up for Mohali because that could at least bring in some semblance of a franchise base. I expect the regional imbalances to correct themselves once transfers are allowed after the first season

If the IPL is espoused as the success of the free market, it should be allowed to operate in such a manner for it to be successful. Restrictions on the number of foreign players per team have only resulted in a few Indian players being over-valued. If reversed, the IPL would then be a star studded event even in the midst of international cricket as it would give the franchises options of buying based on the international calendar and huge salary differentials between international cricket and the IPL- the crux of most problems would be non-existent. .

Comment: In terms of a pure cricketing spectacle, the IPL might struggle to reach the heights that are being hoped for. It will be down to the hype-creators to package it as a commercial spectacle. But as in life, when your core product doesn’t have a very strong foundation there is only so much your marketing men will be able to do. The bitter truth is that T-20 is still not considered to be a serious enough form of cricket internationally and players very rarely bring in the same sort of intensity unless there is a significant prize at stake. Also bring to the table the fact that players are being bound just monetarily to these franchises and it is hard to see from where the competitive juices are going to flow in. It will be an entertainer because there is always a prospect of a Sreesanth staring at a Symonds and the Dada captaining at the Eden Gardens. But whether it will arouse the same passion that Sreesanth’s catching out Misbah did or the Dada ripping off his shirt after the Natwest Trophy triumph did is highly doubtful. It is moments like these that bring a cricket fan to the ground and make us follow sport. But when the stakes are considerably lesser, can the mere spectacle of a contest between bat and ball sustain itself to the audience? The IPL will certainly have to rewrite the rules of history for it to be successful.

Meanwhile, I shall enjoy the exciting climax to the EPL season.

Can we give champions their due?

2008-05-24T11:17:00.011+05:30

A word on the 'corporatisation' of cricket. T-20 has been till now more of an exercise in fun and frolic. Some of the reactions from the owners have been immature and childish to say the least. A Mallya questioning the cricketing acumen of a Dravid and a SRK doing the same with Dada is untenable. This format has been popular just because it is so unpredictable. To expect captains to bring in consistency when this format is at such a nascent stage is foolhardy and cynical. The fact of the matter is that we are almost through the IPL and there are still no definitive patterns emerging about what constitutes the winnability quotient. The Rajasthan Royals still have the two cricketers reviled the most in the first week of the tournament- Munaf and Kaif; the Kings XI Punjab have two cricketers who have become the laughing stock of the nation- Sree and V.R.V Singh; the Deccan Chargers, most people's favourites at the start are competing for the Wooden Spoon and the Delhi Daredevils, favourites midway through the tournament are in all likelihood not going to make the semifinals. While the Kings XI are succeeding through their power-packed batting, the Royals have their bowling strength to thank.

The only deduction that can be drawn is that the successful teams have good captains and backroom staff. But, again, Kolkata have though I hate to say it, the most successful Indian captain, the most successful coach and towards the start, the most successful international captain. Rahul Dravid has been mocked for picking a 'test side' but his reasoning behind that was fundamentally sound. One-day cricket when it started was dominated by the West Indies, the best test match side then and Australia have been the best T-20 side putting aside the WC aberration. Ironically, Dravid's two biggest flops have been Misbah and White, heralded T-20 specialists and his biggest hit, Wasim Jaffer, who unfortunately got injured.

The way forward maybe lies in scouting for the best available Indian talent, something the RCB and DC teams haven't done. But there is no way that you could have forecasted that at the start of the IPL. It is a fact that wouldn't have escaped The Wall's attention.Just give Jammy another chance, Mallya! He has led a side with under-performing foreigners with great dignity all through the IPL in face of all this criticism and the fierce determination and passion of his mate from yore, Kumble and his could be felt in their last game. He has re-invented himself all through his career much to the surprise and delight of supporters and consternation of opponents and I wouldn't be surprised if the man has the final laugh next year. Anybody waging bets on a RCB final next year? Meanwhile, I get back to supporting Sree and his Kings XI side this year.

Sydney Test- Po(i)nting speak

2008-01-07T22:02:00.000+05:30

What Punter Ponting's newspaper column would look like:

We were delighted to win the Sydney test match and get on level terms with Tugga's 16 match record streak. Though a part of that particular squad myself, I must admit that it is a special thrill when you are captain of the side and the record is something we are looking forward to obliterate in Perth.

I do understand that a lot of friction has been created courtesy events during the last 5 days and a lot of it has been blown out by proportion by the ever-discerning media. Admittedly, the umpiring was not of the highest standard but it isn't the first time that it has happened nor will it be the last. To suggest that we won the test match because of the officiating is unfair because this team has showcased over Melbourne and Sydney why it is the best in the world. I have also read players writing about how decisions seem to favour us in Australia all the time. I would like to remind them that we have been at the receiving end of some very ordinary decision-making in the sub-continent which we have always taken in the right spirit. Even in the recent ODI series, there were instances when Tendulkar had the "rub of the green" more than once.

There is no doubt about the fact that India are a very fine side led by an excellent and a widely respected skipper. We have been part of some gripping contests in recent times which players from both sides have cherished and played in excellent spirit. It is therefore indeed a pity that the gamesmanship has taken such a plunge as it did in India and in Sydney. I do back Roy Symonds fully and it seems to be interesting that the Indian management's complaint seems to be aimed more at the evidence on which Match referee Mike Proctor acted and not the decision itself.

Finally, there have been accusations that we have not upheld the spirit of the game. The Australian cricket team firmly believes that the umpires are there to take decisions which ought to be respected. There are hardly any international cricketers who walk these days which is understandable given the pressures of the modern game. We don't expect other cricketers to walk and we expect to be judged against the same benchmark. As far as the incidents of excessive appealing go, we all know which team has been pulled up most for the same. I have been extremely disappointed with comments from respected commentators about us cheating. I still reckon that there was no way that the ball touched the ground when I grasped it and Pup Clarke's case was similar too. Video technology according to most cricketers has been misleading when it comes to contentious catches and to go by that might not be very judicious.

We do like to play our cricket hard and party harder when we do win. It is very rarely that you have the opportunity to be part of such gripping contests and to come out better off is indeed very special. The victory was made all the more special considering that we had our backs to the wall on Day 1 at 134/6. It was undoubtedly a terrific performance by the guys and the 10 day break is indeed most welcome after the grind. We are already looking forward to the test at Perth and are keen to keep up our highest standards and etch our names in the record books.

This is utter nonsense according to the jingoistic author and you are most welcome to spew venom at Ponting and his men in the Comments section.

joie de vivre

2007-11-09T10:40:00.000+05:30

In keeping with the theme of my tryst with destiny...oops, diseases every 15 months, here is the story of what can be euphemestically termed as "an experience which has made me mentally stronger". It started off with typhoid one fine March morning in the year of 2005; a severe bout of jaundice followed last year and then some disease last month too long (Say X) to be committed to memory. In hindsight, I don't know what afflicted me . Not to speak of the various bouts of fever, cold (common and not so common), amoebiosis and you will begin to get the picture of quite an exhaustive list.

Each one has been an 'enriching' and enjoyable period of time where I have had to do nothing sans eat, sleep and of course watch Liverpool get beaten. They have been ominous too for if jaundice struck me on my 20th birthday, my first surgery courtesy Mr. X happened "at the stroke of midnight" of my sister's 16th birthday as Nehru would put it. It has also enhanced my respect for the healthcare facilities in Varanasi. If jaundice made the docs feel that I was having a viral, Mr.X was diagnosed as a petty insect bite. If I were Sir Sunderlal, I wouldn't be visiting Sir Sunderlal Hospital any longer for personal healthcare.

Mr. X was the result of months of perseverance and sweat literally. It was some strange sort of fluid accumulation near my spine which didn't grant me the luxury of sitting, standing or sleeping. Life can be quite interesting in such situations when you spend considerable amount of time trying to optimize posture and pain. When the pain made me wonder whether it was an insect bite or an insect, I made the trivial mistake of visiting some King Edwards Memorial hospital in Mumbai during my Dussehra hols, a hospital which made me wonder whether we still lived in the days of colonialism. I have often believed that Government hospitals are hybrids between jails and asylums. You are held captive and finally you go insane. Much the same happened with me as I was operated upon without getting myself mentally prepared nor knowing about the status of the Liverpool game that night. Needless to say, the operation was an unqualified disaster and all it left me with was an ellipse with major axis far greater than the minor axis with a depth of 5 cms near the bottom of my spine. (I have been reading Geometry of late for CAT).

After two unsuccessful attempts in getting me to sit, my parents decided that home had to be the remedy for this. I didn't mind it too much for this meant that I was going to be able to fly business class at last though I was quite miffed at the choice of airlines.

I am still to fly by Kingfisher.

The flight was the most torturous two hours I had had. I wriggled myself into a ball on the seat and had at least 5 protective cushions. The menu was quite exotic but all I was supposed to have was 'cut fruits'. I tried hard to convince my parents that eating nothing constituted a significant drain of resources, but when pain becomes considerably greater than greed, you are forced to optimize better.

Trivandrum was funny because the doc felt that I didn't require any anaesthasia for my second surgery and I was smiling after my operation much to the dismay of my parents. I bet I woke up everyone in the hospital during that operation. Now this left me with a cuboid with length considerably greater than breadth and roundabout the same depth. Another week passed off in hospital in which I counted 103 injections when I was awake. Worse, the doc kept pulling my leg asking me to quantify my pain. My yells grew progressively shriller as a consequence.

Now, back to campus and the problems are much the same. Attendance, tests and assignments give me a feeling of deja vu. India and Liverpool continue to play poorly; Dravid continues to be treated badly and I am still lazy. But being able to stand, sit and sleep I guess is a considerable improvement. CAT has become an acronym for Come Another Time and I quite fancy my chances of becoming a medico if denied an engineering degree. My senses have dulled; my verbatim is just a fraction of my old self as you would have noticed throughout this post but I still for some inexplicable reason am back to my cheerful best. A word of thanks to all my friends who were with me through what was undoubtedly the toughest 20 days of my life. Meanwhile, I await my next tryst with destiny.

Getting Tagged!

2007-10-10T11:39:00.000+05:30

This post was overdue for long courtesy my prodigal namesake (sorry for the cliche, mate) who was desperate to know me better as a person inspite of having spent the best part of 7 years together and had the gumption to tag me. So here are the rules of the tag:

1) Players start with 8 random facts about themselves.
2) Players tagged should post these rules and the 8 facts.
3) Players should tag 8 other people and notify them about it.

So, here is an attempt at convincing everybody that I am as weird as it can get. If you didn't know already that is!

1. I am a person who likes to seek everybody's attention though I do put on a deliberate 'fabricated' air of modesty and humility. I hate to be photographed or caught on video. I guess I am not the first 'celeb' nor will I be the last one to have a similar approach.

2. My favourite pastime would be watching Tiger Woods playing golf. I follow all outdoor sport and my friends will second my claims to being a great sports analyst. My recent predictions include India winning the F-50 World Cup and bowing out in the first round of the T-20 World Cup :-) My dream job would be being a sports journalist and going by past record, would make a good fist of it.

3. The only species I hate giving me company are mosquitoes and ants. I don't mind cockroaches, lizards and even snakes and have a fetish towards stray dogs. A tradionalist who believes in the adage "Live and let live", I believe I would have taken to the Stone Age just like a hippo takes to water.

4. I am a bit of a chauvinist in that I do believe that I am right in all my thoughts and actions. Though a good listener, I do get worked up very quickly when there are some thoughts brandished about which are very much against my central beliefs.

5. I am very poor in handling relationships and social networks. My parents consider me to be the worst introvert in the household though my friends will tell you otherwise. I do form conclusive opinions about people quickly and am very shy when it comes to dealing with a peer group of the opposite sex, something I would attribute to my background of hailing from a boy's school :-( However, it has given me a committed friends group whose company I cherish a lot.

6. I take my reading very seriously and feel very uneasy if I have spent an entire day without learning something new or significant. This reading includes anything but my academic text-books which I shun religiously.

7. I try and enjoy every moment of the life I live and feel very bad if somebody is wronged even if I ain't remotely involved. I consent to most requests made to me and have this annoyingly irritating characteristic trait of being unable to say 'no' to anybody.

8. I like to stay lazy and hence rate myself as being very poor at executing. I generally conceptualise and strategise pretty well and have a pretty good idea about how things should be done. I can give a flawless lecture on how to bowl leg-spin but if you want to see how it is done, look elsewhere!

Vikalp, Ravi, Paddy, Rai, Gopal, Anish, Akshay and Anand...You are at the receiving end of the misfortune!

Democracy or Hypocrisy?

2007-09-28T22:06:00.000+05:30

In a couple of days, India's finest sportsperson till date and its only undisputed World Champion will add another feather to his already well-celebrated hat and it won't occupy anything but a passing mention in the remotest corner of the print media.

Viswanathan Anand has done more to Indian chess than Sachin Tendulkar has done to Indian cricket. For a sport that had been the pastime of the intellectual elite in India, chess has gone from being a no-hoper to India's most realistic medal prospect at the Olympics whenever it does get included.

India were already World Champions before Sachin started playing competitive school cricket.

Vishy has been the epitome of anti-Indianism when it comes to sport. Consistency, big-match temperament and an unique humility that has never caught the eye of the millions who lined up Mumbai a couple of days back or the State Governments and the Private Sector whose actions bore greater resemblance to a bidding house than institutions responsible for social development.

One can't grudge the plaudits that have come the T-20 team's way. Sreesanth might have been compelled to go back to his dancing roots had he dropped that catch after an insipid bowling performance. With such stakes and pressure, the rewards have to be commensurate. But rewarding individuals in a team sport? Australia didn't reward Warne even after 700 test wickets. It is quite sad that this idol worship takes place just in India and Pakistan and it is reflected in the fact that neither team has never ever had a truly outstanding year in international cricket. How can there be camaraderie in the team when certain individuals are being openly favoured?

This game of one-upmanship between the State Governments in favour of individuals was anything but in the spirit of democracy. My esteem for Narendra Modi grew when he refused to reward the Pathan brothers, but our cursed democratic fabric allowed the Congress to attach ridiculous communal undertones that forced Mr. Modi to budge. It is a democracy where failed international cricketers become pundits and pour vitriol at the cricketers thus incensing the non-intellectual masses whose memory is shorter than the 'Gobbits'. Koneru Humpy, Sania Nehwal and the shooters take loans to fund their foreign travels and the babudom sees no travesty in this. Even the Marxists don't talk of an egalitarian society and the rights of the 'underprivileged' when it comes to cricketers.

The future of all this? Expect friction to grow between Yuvraj and Dhoni and see India plunge back to its mediocre depths (Read 1-6 against Australia) interspersed by individual brilliance. Sportspersons of the 'OBC ' (others but cricket) category are likely to go on more hunger strikes and we will be celebrating the democracy in all this since our society allows such individuals to have a platform to ask for other rights.

Meanwhile, far off in Madrid, Spain, a mild-mannered champion would be taking off his glasses and telling Aruna Anand, "What a hypocritic country!".

Interview Travails-II

2007-08-06T17:04:00.000+05:30

Life of a dummy

Interview Bloopers

Interview Travails-I

2007-08-05T22:37:00.000+05:30

Note: The above cartoon has been reproduced from other sources and is not original work.

2007-07-31T13:05:00.001+05:30

Spoilt for Choice!

2007-07-21T22:51:00.000+05:30

It is one of those phases in life where you are called upon to make one of those decisions which everybody; family, friends and even the guy you meet on the street insists will make or break your life. Rings a familiar echo? Choices were supposed to be made after school and college but in most of our case, deliberately ignored.

Physics states that flow happens from a region of higher potential to one of lower potential. It might have been the flow trajectory that carried us after our higher secondary through our engineering dreams and the inevitable coaching institutes and deposited us as sediment in this beloved abode. Physics also states that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. This inherent contradiction seems to be too far beyond our grasp; or are we letting things drift by choice?

The greatest civilizations were borne out of these sediments.

The point is are we still not mature enough to make that choice. My time back in the institute has been a far cry from what it used to be. Pay packages, eligibilities, interviews and current affairs have taken over from the uninhibitted joy and gay abundance that used to be available in unlimited quantities. Be it the girl on the street or a batting debacle, discussuions these days have veered towards the intellectual with etiquette given prime importance. There is an uneasy eeriness prevailing just like the calm before a storm.

My experience in HUL was a real eye-opener in more ways than one. It impressed upon me the importance of doing what I wanted and not to be carried by the current. I didn't quite enjoy my time over there and even though I ended up completing my project better than expected and ended up with a fair pay, I didn't leave the place all smiles. I might have delivered but I sure hadn't enjoyed the process. I did drop hints that I wasn't interested in one of the funniest interviews that I will ever come across. I don't think that I would have stood a miniscule of a chance even if I had been interested. Companies' recruitment mantras are simply incomprehensible though this is not intended to be a slight against anybody.

I am delighted with the end result and am proud of my choice even though I don't have the slightest idea as to what comes next. Uncertainty about other options is surely not a good enough reason to opt for superficial fulfilment.

With the placements coming up, here are a few aspects that I felt needed to be shared in making that 'choice':
1) Never shy away from taking decisions. You are the best judge of your abilities and if you can't take a decision about your life, you are going to be doing no better with decisions on wind turbines and distillation columns. Company standing is important but you always have better growth prospects in companies that aren't exactly the toast of the world. There is lots of work to be done in such organisations and it could just provide your pathway to glory.
2) One of the major problems faced by all industries is the attrition rate involved. People are less likely to do well what they don't enjoy doing. You might develop a thick skin now and talk about adapting and developing cross-cultural relations but performance has always been related to satisfaction and external pressure. Pressure might have got us through the initial years but at this stage, satisfaction will supercede pressure with all individuals.
3) Salary packages are exactly that- mere packages. Understand the work profile, development prospects economically and mentally besides compatibility. Company X might be offering you a few lacs less at this point of time but you might be earning more in a year's time. As my friend remarked, "Look at the larger picture. You will get to know the finer details".
4) Start exploring what you would want to do in life. We have been guided by fixed targets thus far like a JEE exam or a four year B.Tech. but now......? The very purpose of existence will cease to exist without those definitive targets.

The above might seem a load of the most sensible crap ever brandished but a year down the line, this could top the charts with most people. After all it is a question of 'to be or not to be'.

T-Raining Jobs

2007-05-13T19:19:00.000+05:30

As I embark on one of the more significant assignments of my self-proclaimed professional career, here is wishing everyone good luck in all his/her training assignments. For some strange reason, the melancholy associated with parting has already befallen me after bidding all my seniors an emotional farewell. I have been through all this before in school but since 'we' were entering an exciting phase of our careers with the parting of a more temporary nature, it wasn't something that kept me down for long. I still keep in touch with all my classmates!

The reason why I am doing all this crap is because this is probably the most significant year in our lives (Haven't we heard that before? ). There must admittedly be some nervy people around wanting to crack a CAT, score well in a GRE, get a dream placement and some goddamnit who would just want to get placed. But in all their inner selfs, they would be wishing that college life could go on for ever with the little challenges that life throws up. I just wish all of them good luck especially the ones who have a chance of getting themselves placed by the end of these two months- the ones over at Ashok Leyland, Reliance, GE and Tata Steel. I have had some of my most rewarding moments and some real eye-openers in my life over the last three years and would honestly be the second person to be heart-broken if somebody's plans didn't fructify. I guess it is futile deliberating for 'as you sow so shall you reap'. But sentiments override sensible thoughts and despite all the heated exchanges I have had courtesy a bloated ego, my sense of importance or plain immaturity all I can conjure up is, "All the best, guys. You simply are the very best".

My first crush

2007-04-20T21:41:00.000+05:30

2007-04-08T17:31:00.000+05:30

2007-04-08T15:52:00.000+05:30