Misguided Misadventures in NYC

The Times They Are a-Changin'

2009-11-13T15:00:00.004-05:00

So, it's been two months since you heard from me over here. I think the end of this year will see the end of this blog, but before then, let's have more pictures of my adorable niece!

She's almost single-handedly the reason I've tripled the number of trips I would normally have made to Texas this fall.

Although, to be honest, this is the other reason:
Yep, I'm the proud girlfriend of a worn pair of cowboy boots. They've been to visit me in NYC at least once a month since August, and shockingly, I'm not tired of them yet. I must be mellowing in my old age.

It probably didn't hurt that during the boots' last visit to New York, we went to see my all-time favorite musician at the Beacon Theatre, complete with backstage passes so I could meet Mr. Lovett in person.

Isn't this how life works? I moved to New York four years ago and now find myself dating a man not just from Texas, but from my hometown, no less. Makes total sense for me to date him now that we live 2000 miles apart, doesn't it?

Although given my track record, that might just be WHY it works. (Oh god, did I just say it works? I AM getting mellow in my old age. Don't tell anyone.)

Diez y Seis

2009-09-16T12:00:00.001-04:00

My father would have been sixty-five today.

I always know his age because his birthday is six weeks after mine, and he turned 30 right after I was born. I'm thinking about him today, and about how the years have passed without him, but I don't miss him any less.

Still, I know how lucky we are to have had him - how lucky I am that he was my daddy - and when I start feeling too sorry for myself, I try to remember that so many got it tougher than I do (to quote a favorite Bruce Robison line) and that life ain't always fair (to quote a favorite Pat Smith line.) So I try to remember to be grateful.

I just scanned all the pictures of him up in my apartment right now, and I wanted to put them up here. I know some people are surprised at how often or how much I talk about him after they find out that he's not here anymore or that the car accident was almost twelve years ago, but to me, it would seem unnatural not to. He was and continues to be the single most influential person in my life and anyone who wants to know me well can't do that without knowing about him. I like that we (my mom, my sister, our family, my friends) feel like we can talk about him - it keeps him here.

Each one of these pictures makes me smile when I see it - our goofy family portrait with matching Mexican sundresses my mother insisted on, one from the father/daughter trip salmon-fishing in Alaska the summer before I started teaching, him with his best friend Jim in the USMC in Vietnam in '68, and the last one from one of many solo fishing trips, with the same grin he always had on his face.

When my sister got married, she had a brief note in the wedding program in memory of him. I don't know if I'm quoting it exactly, but I think of the sentiment often: Today and every day we remember him, and are grateful for the love he gave so generously to his family and friends.

Tour Guiding, Summer 2009 Edition

2009-09-01T17:00:00.000-04:00

Y'all, it's September! How did this happen? My last post was over two months ago, and in that time I've welcomed my mom, four different cousins, one family friend, 30 college students from Shanghai, China and a high school friend/long distance suitor to summer in New York City. Needless to say, things have been busy.

In June when the Texas cousins were here, I finally rode the Staten Island Ferry, like every good NYC tourist should.

Hey, look! There she is!
The Texas cousins and I took a bus to Jerz for our New Jersey cousin's bat mitzvah in Asbury Park. In addition to her party, the hotel was also hosting Mr. Gay New Jersey 2009, which made it that much more awesome. Those ladies were amazing, to put it mildly. I wish the pics I took on my phone when I snuck down to watch the evening gown competition had turned out. Oh well. My cousin's little shin-dig was completely over the top, as befitting her theme of "Club Bat Mitvah" and decor included life-size portraits of her hung all over the hotel ballroom. Super fab.

Suzanne (aka Mom) made an overdue trip to the big city and let me drag her all over Manhattan. We made it to the opening day of the High Line!
I got to make a quick trip to the Great State in July for the fambly reunion in New Braunfels, mostly so I could see this cutie!
And my favorite thing about family gatherings: watching my 83 year-old grandmother smoke everyone at whatever game we are playing - usually dominoes (42), Canasta, or Spades. If she's not an advertisement for clean living, I don't know who is!

The most eventful part of my summer definitely was hosting The Chinese (as I like to call them) for four weeks. I was the program coordinator/tour guide for thirty undergrads from Shanghai, China who were in a summer program at Teachers College. They were an amazing group, and I loved every day they were here. It was the second best job I've ever had - the first being working at J.J.'s Sno-Cones with Sharon the summer after we graduated from high school. I mean, seriously, what beats free sno-cones every day?? Nothing, that's what.

While the Chinese were here, I took them to a Mets game, among other things. It was my first Major League baseball game ever, and I dragged my roommate along, too. That place is awesome! They had a blast, to put it mildly. I wish I had pictures of me putting all 30 of them on the M4 bus outside of TC to head across town to the Guggenheim. The locals did not appreciate the delay, to say the least.

Some other stuff happened this summer that I hope I eventually get around to telling you about, but if I don't, just know that in the future I will not be trying to set up my roommate with any random dude I may or may not know well enough to recommend him. Also, here's a tip: when cyber-stalking potential dates, google email addresses, not just names. (Thanks to Wendy for changing the names to protect the innocent!)

And now here we are, September 1 - the beginning of my fifth year in this fantastic city. Can you believe it? I can't. Have I had a great summer? Yes. Have I finished my dissertation proposal? *crickets*

Oh yeah, one more thing. This guy crashed my family reunion in New Braunfels (which is a bit of a drive from his town) and then came to visit me in NYC a few weeks ago.
Depending on how this weekend goes in Austin, you may or may not hear more about him later.

And you, what have you been up to?

The Internet is No Joke

2009-06-26T00:00:00.003-04:00

Almost daily, I have a moment when I think, "I really should put this (story, joke, crazy experience, celebrity sighting) on the blog!" but instead I Tweet or update Facebook or start a blog post and let it languish in the Drafts, and here we are almost two months later and I haven't told you anything! At this point I'm not sure I shouldn't just end the whole enterprise and take it offline. It mocks me daily.

I think the the internet has made the world a little too small for me not to feel a bit self-conscious about any of the nonsense I might choose to write here, and that's been a major reason I haven't kept up. Knowing exactly where, and therefore who, was reading has been a major deterrent. Paradoxical, I know, since that was what used to motivate me to write, and now it's the reason I don't want to. In fact, when I updated the Blogger template a few months ago, I decided not to put back the stats counter, because I didn't want to know who was reading.

I know, I know - what did I expect, right? It's a blog, for crying out loud, with my name on it, and for awhile I even had it on my Facebook profile. But around election time I started to realize that I didn't want half of Bryan America reading about my occasionally entertaining stories (also known as...misadventures!), my failed attempts at dating, or my irreverent comments about any number of potentially upsetting issues - nor did I want to wonder what they were thinking of me.

The final straw was a couple of months ago, when I got a Facebook message from a guy I dated briefly the summer after my freshman year of college. We had a brief, and to my thinking, casual dating relationship, although the end was a bit tough on him, and we hadn't spoken since, UNTIL I got a few FB messages from him (with the last asking why we stopped dating after five weeks - SIXTEEN YEARS AGO) and it just totally freaked me out. After that, I deleted a bunch of Facebook "friends" who I hadn't actually talked to in 15 years or more, and put all my settings on private.

Of course, the flip side of this teeny tiny internet world we're living in is that I got to apologize tonight (via Facebook chat) to a sweet boy from high school who I was a terrible snob to - oh, about 20 years ago. Sadly, neither of us had forgotten this particularly wrenching adolescent moment, and when he said hello on chat tonight and brought that teen movie moment up, I knew exactly where he was going with it. I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing that we can be in touch with people we were terrible to 20 years ago, but that's the nature of Facebook, I guess. And I guess without this blog, I couldn't have just told you that story! See, the internet IS no joke.

I guess I'm not quite ready to abandon the blog yet, if only to entertain the friends who I know are reading and getting a kick out of it. And besides, I'm pretty sure the world needs more pictures of my adorable niece!

And four generations of the exact same chin!

Fun Stuff!

2009-05-18T18:00:00.000-04:00

Here's my friend Chef Carla Beth's latest Dessert Lounge video!

Texas Tour '09, Part II

2009-04-29T08:00:00.001-04:00

After a trip to see friends in Fort Worth, Arlington, and Dallas, respectively, I spent Easter weekend at my mom's house in Bryan America celebrating my grandmother's 84th birthday with the rest of the fam. A couple of days later my mom and I headed to West Texas to visit her sister who was in her last week of chemo and radiation for cancer of the larnyx. (She's doing well now, and hopefully will get the all-clear soon). Highlights of the trip included ducks, among other things.

Apparently they roam the streets in Odessa, Texas.

One of our nights in Odessa my mom and I stayed with friends of my parents, and the man half of the couple usually used my guest room as his extra closet. This hat is hanging here without irony.

My mom left her glasses at home on our way to Odessa, so had to wear her prescription sunglasses the whole time. Even at bedtime.

Got to see a West Texas sunrise from the plane heading back to Austin - almost made getting up at the crack worth it.

My last weekend in Austin was a whirlwind, trying to see friends and also helping out with the baby while my sister and B.I.L. were in class/working. We went shopping for provisions for the cook-out, but Lucinda was not nearly as excited by Costco as I was.

Her shirt says, "I act like a baby." Baby clothes are RIDIC these days. How cute is this?

These babies were born on the same day! Except the baby boy snoozing on the right is a few inches taller and a couple of pounds heavier than little Lu smiling over there. I think she's flirting. How cute - they're even wearing matching socks.

My last night in town was the perfect time for a backyard cook-out on my sister and B.I.L.'s patio. It was so fun, but at one point my college roommate looked at me as many little children ran around the backyard and said, "Where did all these children come from?? The last time I saw these people, none of them had kids!" I guess they've been busy in the almost four years since I moved.

Check out the artichoke plant in the back corner. That thing is magnificent.

My sis took over sweet potato supervision.

A good time was had by all, as usual.

A friend told my sister that I seemed happier in Texas, and maybe things weren't good for me in New York? I thought about it, and realized yes, I AM happier in Texas, but only because I'm on vacation! It's SUPPOSED to be a good time. I eat, drink, hang with some of my favorite people, and pretend like that's the extent of my responsibilities. And for a few days, it is. Which is why it's vacation.
But life is good here in NYC, and getting better; the weather finally feels like spring and I'm ready for what's next. (Although what's next is kind of a scary b-day number this July, but let's not talk about that right now.)

And no matter what's going on, I can look forward to the next time I get to cuddle this sweetie. I hate to be such a cliche, but let's face it - I'm in love!

Texas Tour '09, Part 1

2009-04-24T00:00:00.002-04:00

This puppy stole my shoe in Fort Worth, Texas.

Then I met a friend and her cute baby in Arlington, Texas for lunch but forgot to take a picture.

This guy tried to eat this apple pancake at the International House of Pancakes in Dallas, Texas...

but couldn't.

This baby likes her sling (in Austin, Texas.)

So does her dad.

Ms. Lutty is practicing, also in Austin.

Grandmother asked for a new printer for her 84th birthday. She also uses Google as a verb. She lives in Houston but her party was in Bryan (Texas or America, depending on your preference.)

My Boy Cousin made his first pecan pie! (He made it in College Station, but we ate it in Bryan.)

What's Easter lunch without ham in a Texas-shaped dish? In Bryan, Texas, of course.

And this was only the first half of the trip!

Perspective

2009-04-15T12:00:00.000-04:00

Well, hello there! How're things? Good? Good - for me, too. I'm in the second half of the Spring '09 Texas tour, and it's been flying by. Currently I'm in Odessa, Texas with my mom, visiting my aunt while she does the last week of chemo and radiation for throat cancer. A couple of weeks ago I was feeling pretty sorry for myself in typical grad student fashion, but I think spending some time with a cancer patient has cured me of that.

This week in Texas has been so good for me - seeing old friends (and their cute babies), spending time with my fambly, and basically re-charging and getting focused again. And did I mention I have an adorable new baby niece?

I've got a few more days to squeeze in as much as I can before heading back to real life in Harlem USA. Until then, it's all about the good life, Texas style!

I Wish I Was Kidding

2009-04-01T22:00:00.002-04:00

I didn't make my deadline. In fact, I stopped trying. I packed up my laptop, 12 journal articles and five books for another marathon session in the library the other day and stopped in to meet with my second committee member before another push at finishing the draft. That's when she told me that she wouldn't be able to read my draft for another month, til mid-May, because she has to read seven dissertations from people trying to graduate this semester. That puts me at the bottom of the list, and I can't have my proposal hearing without her reading all three chapters and giving me feedback beforehand, which now can't happen.

Once she told me that, I took all that crap I had packed for a long work session, went home, and dumped it in a pile in my office. I've been feeling sorry for myself (and eating ice cream) since.

And to make matters more confusing, I had dinner on Sunday with a friend who dropped the program two years ago for a six-figure job in a school district in Long Island. He said there's an opening for the same job he has for me next year.

Y'all. I'm already going to have to wait another semester to even do my stupid research study, and it'll be who-knows-how many semesters after that for me to actually finish writing the dissertation. Meanwhile, I have to pay for at least one class per semester while I'm working on my dissertation, so that's easily four more semesters of tuition, which ain't cheap. See where I'm headed here?

Ugh. I'm tired of working part-time, doing school work part-time, and attempting to have an actual life part-time. I seem to be getting nowhere on any front. This shit is hard.

Next time I'll tell you about the outcome of the "Why I'm Single" play-in-one-act from Friday. In case you're wondering, apparently I'm "not nice" and also, still single.

And that's no April Foolin'!

A Play in One Act, Entitled "Why I'm Single" Composed Entirely in Text Messages

2009-03-27T19:00:00.002-04:00

Jan. 29
5:37pm
Him: You in Chelsea?
Me: Nope.
Him: How rude!

Jan. 31
11:34pm
Him: Where are you?

Mar. 21
4:01pm
Him: Watching the game?
4:25pm
Me: Thinking about it, but supposed to be working. It's at 8?
Him: Have you ever been to Daisy May's?
Me: Nope. BBQ? Better than Hill Country?
Him: Never been but I hear it's good. You still like Hill Country?
Me: Brisket and jalapeno sausage!
Him: What's your week like? My friend Knute gets to town tonight.
Me: I met him I think. My week sucks. My diss. proposal deadline is 3/31.
Him: You met him in SF. How about tonight after the game?
Good luck on the diss.
Me: Tonight would be funny, and maybe even fun. Text me when you're out if y'all are up for company.
Him: Will do. He's annoying me already and he just landed.
Me: That's what I remember about him. Have fun!
6:57pm
Him: Thanks. FYI Will probably hit daisy may's around 9:30. Will call you.
10:55pm
Me: Did y'all decide to skip dinner and go straight to drinking?

Mar. 26
12:24am
Him: Daisy May's Saturday for sure?
Me: For sure!
Him: I swear! 6pm!
Me: Can't wait!
Him: Will you show?
Me: Seems irrelevant.
2:17am
Him: What?

Mar. 27
5:58pm
Him: BBQ?
Me: I think you should seek professional help.
Him: As in at a smokehouse? I agree. I've got professional help dear. Thanks for that amazing insight. And yourself?
Me: Good, I'm glad for you. And obvs I'm in need as well if I can still be fooled into getting dressed for a Sat. 9:30pm phone call to meet up.
Him: You were on the fence. I'm working til 8. Tell me where to meet you.
Me: No excuse for bad manners, even if they're predictable. You can ring my buzzer at 9.
Otherwise we can meet up somewhere, I'm sure!
Him: I apologize for bad manners. What is your address? I'll see you at 9.
Me: 125 and bway. Text me if you show.

The Internet is Confusing

2009-03-24T00:00:00.003-04:00

So I read this the other day when my friend Jen linked to it, and it kinda bummed me out. I mean, I hear ya, hon- I'm in the same boat. We're single because... we just are, and better to be happy with how life is now than unhappy about how it's not. Or something. But the lady doth protest too much, or some other literary allusion I can't think of, because the slight defensiveness in her tone kinda took something away from the whole "I am woman, hear me roar" vibe she had going on. So, sigh.

Then today I read this post about why some marriages fail. And now I'm feeling pretty good about myself, not being in a failing marriage. I mean, how miserable must that be? I'm doing okay for a single girl, I decide.

But then in the same post he links to this book summary about why some women don't end up getting married.

According to this post, women who are A) over 35, and B) overweight are much less likely to marry. AAAAND, now I'm not feeling so good again, since I'm about to turn 35 and these 20 extra pounds since high school ain't doing me any favors, apparently.

According to this research, my time (and attractiveness) is almost up? Crap - I forgot to find a father for my future children! And now it's too late! Although the book says the odds of me marrying improve if I find a 40+ man who's already been married, and even better if he's a single dad. Sounds sexy, don't it?

So I'm screwed either way. (And not in the way you want to be screwed, people.) I probably won't end up married, and if I did, there are several reasons why it might not work out. See? Confusing.

I think I'm just going to get a dog instead.

Lazy Sunday

2009-03-22T18:00:00.002-04:00

The curtains in my front windows are pulled back and the blinds are up, and I'm sitting on my sofa with a clear eye-level view of the 1 elevated subway platform across the street. There's a guy facing my building instead of the track, and I think he can see me seeing him. Hi, guy. Turn around.

I wasn't allowed to do anything fun this weekend, but I'm not sure I have the work to show for all my un-fun. My roommate left for a business trip to Vegas, so basically I've spent the weekend laid out on the couch, watching television and pretending to do some work here and there. Oh, I did spend most of Friday night seething at the undergrads and their obnoxious party-goers across the hall, enough to call in a noise complaint to 311 at about 2am. I guess I'm officially an old lady, but I didn't even feel bad about it.

Saturday I needed to get outside, so I went to my favorite place in New York City, hands down:
A walk along the Hudson, down the West Side Highway bike path...

and a return trip through Riverside Park.

First flowers of spring, waiting to bloom!

It's Sunday afternoon and I've already been out twice, once to buy fruit and some salad-makings, and the second time to buy some tortilla chips, cheese and ice cream. Par for the course around here. All day I've been wearing work-out clothes but haven't managed a trip to the gym or a jog in Riverside Park. Indecision, thy name is me! Still, it's not too late to salvage the weekend, or the day, at least. I just need to finish up Ch. 3, clean up Ch. 1 and get serious/actually write Ch. 2. This could all happen at any moment. It can be done! But I've got miles to go, y'all; miles to go.

Status Update

2009-03-17T21:00:00.004-04:00

Today is St. Patrick's Day! Also, my brother-in-law's birthday! (Happy Birthday, KellyKelKel.) Also, the day I ate the entire pint of Haagen-Dazs Extra Rich Light Mint Chip for a "snack" after work! Also, two weeks until March 31, the last day I can turn in a complete draft of my dissertation proposal (the first three chapters of my dissertation) for any hope of having the proposal hearing by the end of the semester and moving forward with my research study!!!

Lord help me. I only started A YEAR AGO so I'm totally finished, right? Making this deadline will be no problem. Right.

For the next two weeks, I'm not allowed to do anything fun. I am allowing myself to go to work and then go home or to the TC library and that's it. I need to READ and WRITE myself silly. And hope that my advisor and second committee member then read it soon enough to give me feedback so I can revise and THEN turn it around fast enough for the proposal hearing by the last class in May. No problem, right?

So, I'm not allowed to do anything fun, but I am allowed to give myself pep talks. Here's the first one I wrote to myself the other night when I was so stressed out trying to sleep that I had to get out of bed and talk myself off the metaphorical ledge.

Reading that now is kind of hilarious, honestly. I mean, am I trying to escape a burning building? Dig myself out of a collapsed mine? No, I'm trying to finish something I've had plenty of time and ability to do, and this is so typical of me, I can't stand myself. Alejandra was right when she told me not to do it, not to go back to school, but did I listen? NO. And this is what I get. And you know what? This is just my PROPOSAL. I'm not even to the part where I get to finish the damn thing. I'm already going to have to change my "Class of" status on Facebook from '10 to '11, and if I don't get going, I might as well make it 2012!

And you know what else kept me up this week (besides visions of unpaid tuition loans, that is?) These guys:
I heard some sirens and then yelling the other night sometime around 1am, and hopped up to see this scene outside my window. Stolen car? Who knows. Not sure why they need all those cars and cops standing around with one guy in the middle. Harlem USA! Very exciting, to say the least.

Not exciting: mofongo

My friend Kara thought we should be adventurous at the Latin diner around the corner last week, but it turns out smashed plaintains are not so exciting after all.

If you're lucky (and I actually get some work done), next time I'll tell you all about the current man-friend prospects I don't have time for. But be warned - they're even less exciting than the mofongo.

Smoke Alarm

2009-03-07T10:30:00.002-05:00

Wednesday evening, I was heading out of the school library (shocking, I know!) when I got a call from a friend. He wanted to know if it was MY building that was on fire, since he had just seen a news story about a fire in a six story building on my corner. This was cause for alarm, not only because fires happen in old buildings in New York all the time, but also because I live next door to an old drunk man who is quite capable of passing out and dropping his lit cigar on any number of incendiary materials. It's probably #1 on the list of things I worry about.
Right after the call, I got a text from another friend who saw the same story, and wanted to know if everything was okay. I rushed out the front doors of the school, and as I headed up Broadway I could see the flashing lights of the fire trucks on my corner.

I began to panic. Could it really be my building? Was my roommate home? And if she was, was she out of the building? As I got closer, the little squirrel running on the treadmill in my brain started moving at double-speed, and I quickly did an inventory of my valuable possessions: laptop? in my backpack - with me, thank goodness. Wallet, credit cards, ID? phone? All with me. The sad thing was, after that, I couldn't think of anything else of value in my apartment I would miss. This may be because I live like an undergraduate, and the net value of almost every furnishing in my apartment still wouldn't equal the cost of moving it anywhere else. It's decor by IKEA, and I'm sure it would burn fast.

I could see several fire trucks lined up on the street, but couldn't see if they were in front of my building or the one across from it. My passport! Wait, I can get another one. Jewelry? One sad pair of diamond studs, and I was wearing them. What else? Everything on my external hard drive was also on my laptop, so I had all my pictures and music - safe there. Most of my keepsakes are still taking up space in a closet in my mom's new house in Bryan. What else? Was everyone okay? What about Ginger?!

I didn't have time to remember the photo albums I'd be sad to lose, or the true items of value (to me) -- my books and all my school stuff -- because I got close enough to see that the trucks were in fact lined up across the street, on the opposite corner of my building. I couldn't see anything more exciting than a lot of people standing around; no smoke, no fire, no action. Looked like it was all over, and no damage on the building indicated anything had happened, except for the smell of smoke in the air.

Breathing a huge sigh of relief, I took the opportunity to ogle the local FDNY standing on the sidewalk as I walked by the trucks and crossed to my corner. As I climbed the stairs to the sixth floor, I decided that it couldn't hurt to double-check that Renter's Insurance policy I got awhile ago, and the batteries in the smoke alarms. I couldn't think of anything of value in my apartment I couldn't live without, but still, I was lucky. And I still live next door to a crazy old drunk man who recently flooded his apartment and the one below because he passed out in the shower - so all bets are off, to my thinking.

But at the moment, everything was okay. I sent a silent thank-you to the universe for my crappy belongings in my crappy apartment, unlocked my front door and went inside. Another day in Harlem, USA.

Writer's Remorse

2009-02-27T17:00:00.006-05:00

I told a friend at work today that I had written some stupid shit on the internet and offended some longtime friends and probably a few family members, and he said, "See? That's what happens when you spend too much time on the internet. You start flapping your gums." And that pretty much sums it up.

And, it's a fairly accurate description of most stuff I write: oftentimes it's just "gum-flapping." By no means would I describe anything here nuanced or even carefully considered, and half the time it's written for effect. Still, I'm not surprised that my last post was too much to take for some people. I just assumed they'd know that as always, there's more to it, and me, than that.

So, some thoughts I probably should have included:

In no way is this an indictment of my upbringing in Texas, or my friends and family and their beliefs. In many ways I'm glad to have had a mostly sheltered and safe adolescence. It may have just postponed some life lessons until later, but that's okay. Sometimes fear is a powerful motivator, and it was for me: fear of having my friends think I was "bad," fear of disappointing my parents, fear of ... you name it. However, while most people's fear was based in a strong religious belief, mine was just fear of being different from the crowd. Again, not a bad thing at the time, but it ultimately marked the beginning of me figuring out how to believe differently than many people I love.

Figuring out how to do that - believe differently than people I love - is something I'm still working on. Obviously it's hard not to come across as judgmental when you begin to set yourself apart - so if I'm guilty of that, I'm sorry. Especially since the judgment of conservative doctrine is what I couldn't take anymore about what I grew up with.

What I really should have written about is that one thing I've noticed about being in a different part of the country is not that the East Coast is "liberal" while the South is "conservative," but that it seems to me more than ever that belief is mainly a product of geography. Living in Austin is different than living in Round Rock, just like living in Manhattan is different than living in Staten Island. Would we all believe the way we do if we had been born to different families who lived in different places? Sometimes I think it's just the luck of the draw.

I know better than to talk about politics and religion, especially in a blog post ripe for misunderstanding, but if you had known my father, you'd understand. There's nothing worth believing if it's not worth talking about.

Liberal Pinko Commie Feminazi

2009-02-25T00:00:00.002-05:00

I saw the Ibsen play Hedda Gabler last week and as we sat in stunned silence after the curtain fell, my first thought was, "Henrik Ibsen must have hated women."

My second thought was, "When did I become such a raging liberal feminist?? How predictable." Not that I'm qualified to critique either the play or performances, but geez, that Hedda sure was unlikeable. Reflects a bit poorly on the rest of us ovaried ones, if ya ask me.

So I've been thinking about my reaction to the play, and how since college my reactions to most things - news, entertainment, politics, literature, the portrayal of women in the Twilight series, etc. - have become increasingly liberal. When I was growing up in Bryan/College Station (I like to call it "Bryan America" but make sure you pronounce that "Brine"), being called a liberal was a serious insult.

I don't think I even knew what it meant to be "liberal" except that it was bad, or at least un-Christian, which was worse. Remember, this is a town where a friend's mom told her not to tell anyone she (the mom) donated money to the local Planned Parenthood chapter, for fear of being ostracized by other friends' moms. Seriously.

My father's mother was an old school "yellow dog" Democrat, and both my parents fell in the middle and sometimes even on the left of many social issues, but they were by far the exception and not the rule. As a teenager I remember engaging in violent debates with my good friends about their pro-life stances vs. my pro-choice one. (Nevermind that in Texas being "pro-life" somehow never carried over to being against the death penalty, but that's DIFFERENT, ya know.) At UT and in Austin I found many more like-minded people, but outside of Travis County, Texas is still a very red state, and I don't think I really knew how indoctrinated I was until I left.

As an adult I've realized a lot of what I grew up with and defined as politically "conservative" is really more about religious belief - specifically a Southern Baptist fundamentalism that is intrinsically tied to social conservatism (see GWB '00-'08). So much of the brainwashing/morality training I absorbed from my peers and community growing up was tied to what was "good" or "bad." The Devil is real, and he's out to get you. If you don't believe me, just go to Sunday night youth group.

That's a blog post for another time, but good lord, the guilt we were taught to feel: about drinking, going to parties, making out with boyfriends and god forbid even THINKING about having sex. Even before I went to college, and definitely after, I realized the inherent hypocrisy in regulating people's behavior according to very selective interpretation and application of the Scripture. (That'd be the Holy Bible, for those of you unchurched.)
At some point I realized that it didn't make sense to be anti-abortion if you were also anti-birth control and anti-sex education. I know plenty of people who profess to "Love your neighbor as yourself," but only if the neighbor speaks English and didn't have to cross a river to get to the Great State. I guess around the time I made these realizations is the same time I decided if being a liberal was left, I didn't want to be right.

And now here I am having really annoying and self-indulgent feminist rants about the depiction of women and their natures in Twilight and Hedda Gabler. So, in summary, all I can say is: blame it on the Baptists. I do.

Cacophony

2009-02-18T16:00:00.001-05:00

It's raining outside, and I'm watching the rain through my front windows while also enjoying a third consecutive episode of Top Chef on tv. Caving in and getting cable was probably a bad idea, although to be honest I'd just be watching my third consecutive episode of Law & Order if I didn't have cable.
NYC schools are out for Winter Break, so I'm spending my week off working furiously in the Teachers College library so I can finish my latest draft to send to my advisor by the end of the week.

HA! Did you believe that? Yeah, that hasn't happened yet. But I'm THINKING about how I should be spending my week off working furiously, at least. Still got two days left!

I'm also thinking about a million other things, which I blame for my current paralysis. Here's a sampling:

1. The alcoholic neighbor is back after a stint in the hospital (after he passed out and burned himself in the shower, causing the water to spill downstairs and the FDNY to bust down the door to get him out - thank god while we were away between Christmas and New Year's.) I think I heard him fall yesterday but I can hear movement today, so does that mean he's up and moving? And what the hell am I going to do if he falls again and this time I'm here for the dramatic rescue? Ugh.

2. My niece is two weeks old and before she was born, I promised myself I wouldn't be one of those siblings who lives vicariously through my sister's first child and has to be present for every tiny event, such as first Easter, first solid food, first haircut, whatever. But if I wait til the summer, this baby will practically be crawling by the time I see her again. So I might take it back, and make a trip in April. AND July. Who am I kidding? I'm in love with her.

3. I'm obsessed with planning a trip to somewhere fun this spring. Oaxaca? Barcelona? Marfa?? While I'm a grad student I'd really like to make the most of my opportunities to travel, and it's always nice to have something to look forward to. However, I'm going to be a grad student forever if I don't start prioritizing the time I need for my dissertation proposal - which is a lot less fun to look forward to. Boo.

4. I must have successfully (and harshly) dissuaded the Pinball Champ, because after my email response to his last invitation to get together, I haven't heard from him again. I'm feeling bad that I was a little too honest (Something is missing for me and I don't see that changing - harsh or no?), but I guess it served its purpose, right? In the last month I've also heard from a guy I dated for five weeks? six? the summer between my freshman and sophomore years of college who is married and the father of a little girl, but still curious about why it didn't work out between us, apparently. BECAUSE WE WERE 19 and HAVING A SUMMER FLING, dude. (Side note: Facebook is the devil.) (Also, am I being harsh again? Dammit.)

Now it's snowing, or was for two seconds, and eventually I'll have to leave the apartment. Holly and I have tickets to see Hedda Gabler, where she will gaze lovingly at her celebrity crush Mary Louise Parker and I will congratulate myself on scooping up $24 student tickets. WOOHOO.

And if you're dying to see some more gorgeous pictures of my niece, check out the newborns link here. You'd go back to see her as soon as you could, too!

Withdrawal

2009-02-13T00:00:00.001-05:00

I've only been back in New York for a few days, and the withdrawal has seriously set in. What am I going to do? My sweet baby niece Lucinda is at home in Austin, Texas and who knows how long it will be before I get to see her again? Boo. My week in Texas went by so quickly, it almost feels like it didn't happen. Except I have all these pictures!

Here's my sis and B.I.L. the morning of. Good thing they didn't know how long that day was going to be!
Somebody needed a break after the epidural finally came.

First pictures from the doula right after Lucinda arrived!

After staying in the hospital the night before the induction and then the night Lucinda Curtis was born, my sis and B.I.L. were ready to get the hell out of there. All of the baby's tests were good, so they got released only 24 hours after she was born. What do you do on your first night home with the baby? Catch up on The Office, of course!

On her third day in the world, Lucinda starred in her very own newborn photo shoot! C and K's photographer friend Karolina came from Dallas and got some amazing pictures (which you can see on http://karolinakingphotography.com - click on newborns.)
Here's the photo shoot, complete with Snuggie!
Sadly I didn't get a picture of my B.I.L. getting peed on.

Addie, their insane rescue Jack Russell terrier, stayed surprisingly calm after the strange bundle arrived. Although she stayed nearby in case anybody wanted to put down the bundle and pet her.
Also, she was totally distracted by the Westminster Dog Show.
On Sunday the Bryan America relatives made a visit. Apparently they found something to stare at in the living room.
It's amazing how fast the minutes pass when you're all staring at a new baby!

My Sister Had a Baby and All I Have to Show For It Are A Few Thousand Pictures

2009-02-09T23:00:00.002-05:00

A week ago, I was feeling hopeful that I would make my flight on time (I did), that everything would go beautifully for my sister and B.I.L. (it did), and that I wouldn't completely lose it when I finally met my niece (I didn't.)

I hoped to be sharing good news with you last Tuesday, but if you aren't on any of the multitude of online time-sucks I've been updating, you've had to wait until now...

to meet Lucinda!

(On the night she was born)

And at home with Mommy!

She's perfect, and we're thrilled. This has been a long time coming, and I am so happy for her parents, their friends, and our family. Whew.

But. There's only one small problem. I'm back in Harlem USA tonight, and she's still in Austin!

Shit.

Daily Dose: Hope is the Thing With Feathers*

2009-02-02T00:00:00.003-05:00

I hope I make my flight on time today, with such a small window of time from work to JFK.

I hope today goes quickly for my sister and B.I.L., and that tomorrow everything goes beautifully.

I hope I don't completely lose it when I finally meet my niece.

I hope to be sharing good news with you tomorrow!

*Once an English major, always an English major.

When I Said Daily, I Meant More Like Weekly

2009-01-28T14:00:00.000-05:00

So, like, I know I was all about the daily dose of inspiration, but I thought that clip from the Lawrence Welk show was so inspiring that we could coast for a few days. And now here it is ~~Monday evening~~Wednesday afternoon and I got nothing. Nothing, I tell ya!

Well, I got stories, but there ain't nothing inspirational about that. They all involve former manfriends who won't go away, so nothing new there. (Guess who just emailed to ask when I was available to meet up again?? Sigh.)

I got a ticket to Austin in a few days, so I'm pretty freakin' excited about that. And those people (like my MOTHER) who keep hoping my sister goes in to labor before then can just SHUT IT, because I very much want to be there when babygirl makes her first appearance, if at all possible. Let's keep our fingers crossed, shall we? I'm pretty sure they're naming her EmilyAnn Jr. after me.

Until then, I got stuff to do and am stalled out on all fronts: weight loss, exercise, work and school. Everything seems really daunting right now, but I know if I just focus on one thing at a time it'll eventually get done - kinda like eating fifty eggs.

Nobody can eat fifty eggs.

Even Their Shoes are Dyed to Match

2009-01-21T12:00:00.004-05:00

One of my daily reads is a tumblr by a kid in Chicago who makes me laugh almost every day. Yesterday he did not disappoint, and I am totally stealing this for today's dose of... inspiration? perspiration? edification? Some sort of -ation. (Thanks, Tyler!)

My mom used to watch Lawrence Welk re-runs when I was young, because she grew up watching the show with HER parents. Cissy and Bobby were everybody's favorites, apparently.

I think this dance routine, preserved for posterity, is exactly why Al Gore invented the internet.
Happy New President today, everyone!

Thank You, Jesus (and/or Ann Richards)

2009-01-20T07:00:00.000-05:00

No need for any other dose of inspiration today, y'all. It's Inauguration Day!

Daily Dose: Happy Friday Edition

2009-01-16T00:00:00.000-05:00

I keep thinking about the 155 people who are wondering how the best and worst thing that has happened to them occurred on the same day. If there was ever a day to celebrate, it would be after discovering you're still alive, despite every indication that you shouldn't be.

Given that, today's dose of feel-good is appropriately titled, I think.

Happy Friday, y'all!

Daily Dose: For Daddy

2009-01-15T00:00:00.004-05:00

The thing about stillbirth is that nobody talks about it. It's not very common, so you've probably never heard of it, and if you have, then that means you know someone who has suffered through it, so it's likely that it's not discussed. The only other person I knew who this happened to was a good friend who went into labor too early for the baby to live. It was a tragedy, but an explainable one. ("Explainable" in the sense that there was a medical reason, but by no means any less senseless.)

But when it happened to my sister, it was not only tragic, but shocking. Losing a baby for no reason right before the due date? Unheard of. And yet, that's what happened. And my sister and her husband and all of us have just had to get through it.

Now it's over a year and a half later, and my sister is at the end of her second pregnancy. It's been scary and hopeful, exciting and nerve-wracking, and now that she's close to the end she's battling anxiety and worry every minute of every day that passes.

She and B.I.L. found out yesterday that she'll have to wait a bit longer than her doctor had initially suggested for the induction. I know the thought of this many more days passing before the baby is here safely must be terrifying for her, which is the reason for this week's Daily Doses of inspiration. Sometimes we gotta just challenge up and remind ourselves we can do it.

I think that's what my father would say about this, but I don't know. I know he'd really feel for my sister right now. He seemed (to me, at least) to almost always have a sunny outlook on life; that may be because he was a lucky son-of-a-bitch who seemed to squeak by most of life's pitfalls. I mean, come on - HE'S not the one stuck missing US, is he? So, I don't know what he'd say, but I know enough of what he liked to know what today's Daily Dose should be.

He told me once that he thought this was the best movie theme song ever, and it always got him charged up. I even bought him the cassette tape so he could listen to it on his walkman (probably in his golf phase, when he spent hours at the driving range.) You gotta turn this one up, too. It's worth it.

And this? Another Pat Smith fave. He said if this didn't make you cry, you didn't have a heart.* Consider yourself warned.

*I'm pretty sure he said that about WTRFG, too.