Walk toward the light!

And now for something completely different

2009-06-16T01:52:00.000-07:00

Sunset

---

Even obscured by overcast

Contours and definitions define by fire.

Lowering, nearness accents with assurance.

North of the westerly Impeccable manners

Comes the irrefutable time to give

To the eve

Definition of a lie

2009-02-27T17:18:00.000-08:00

A wonderful woman, Wendee Mason, taught me a better definition for a "lie" than I'd known before:

"A lie is information given or withheld (or omitted) that would have affected another person's choice."

For years my definition was too simplistic or easily rationalized. There was way too much wiggle room for me and I abused that fact. Thankfully I no longer do that, at least to the best of my ability.

This comes up for me when I hear current events where the information given is questionable. I really feel disappointed when it happens with elected representatives.

Necessary changes in relationships

2009-02-27T17:03:00.000-08:00

I was listening to a good friend of mine telling me how they had to cut ties with their parent(s). Some of what she went through was tragic, absolutely horrific. I likened the final letter that they received from the disappointed parent to something written by Stephen King. Gross.

When my friend wrote back a clear, well reasoned letter signing off on the relationship, I was overjoyed! To have a break from a relationship that was intrinsically disrespectful and malicious -- it made me so happy.

I've experienced dramatic changes like that in the past. The quality of the relationships in my past aren't important. I won't even say that I could relate to my friend other than in what I'm about to describe.

It's become clear to me that there are times when it is wholly appropriate to make changes, sometimes wholesale and dramatic, to relationships. This doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship is over per se, but different in that as it stands, the dynamics no longer work.

For example, I fully expect my daughter to change as she grows. I want her to (even though I also relish the thought of her always being "my little girl"). It'd be irresponsible of me to insist, let alone force, her to stay the same. Frankly it'd be impossible for that to happen and, in turn, insane for me to think so. Thus, at some point, I'll have to stop seeing my daughter as my "little girl" and instead like my "teenage girl" or my "adult daughter".

I've changed jobs in the past for various reasons. Those, too, require that the relationship change. Similar to a previous post of mine, I sometimes have to ask myself how willing I am to change the nature of the relationship. If I'm unwilling, I might get bitter and resentful and that never helps. If I'm fully willing, then who knows what the relationship can change into.

I've also experienced situations where a person has seen me in certain ways for so long that they expect me to continue being those same ways regardless of whether they work for me or whether I want to. I've been more successful than not when pointing out that their expectations of me are bound to be disappointed as I was no longer interested or willing to be the same person they wanted me to be. Thankfully, most of those people were more interested in me being myself than in me being what they wanted. That's some love and acceptance from my friends, and I'm eternally grateful for those people in my life.

I fully expect my friend to experience freedom from all the emotional burden that they had been carrying for so long. Hoping and/or expecting someone to change is hard. Letting go of that fantasy for whatever reason offers profound freedom.

Dream about an out of touch loved one

2009-02-27T16:56:00.001-08:00

I had a dream the other night. Vivid as hell, a rarity for me. It crystallized something for me that I had been clear of in my head, but obviously not as much in my heart as I felt such calm after the dream that I must have been unresolved more than I realized.

In the dream, I was practically screaming trying to convince someone that I loved them. They just didn't believe me. They had easy access to a whole litany of complaints that I couldn't fully refute for various reasons -- some where subjective to her perceptions, some were inaccurate, some were true. The dream didn't last long as I've become (very!) quick to realize that if I'm trying that hard to persuade or convince someone that there's something else in the way that is beyond my simple reasoning.

In this case, I believe (and I could be wrong) that this person simply didn't want to believe me. From that perspective, there was nothing I could do except continue to live with integrity and not to repeat any of the issues from the past that I was responsible for.

When I awoke, I felt agitated but peaceful. It was intense to have that screaming match in my sleep, but I became absolutely clear that I'd done all I could do as far as I knew and that, if there were anything else for me to do, I'd have to wait until it became apparent. Until then, I was okay.

Vectors at any given moment

2009-02-27T16:51:00.000-08:00

I heard someone quote the following:

"It doesn't matter where you are (in life). What's more important is your direction."

When I was a teenager, I learned that the definition of a vector was twofold. A vector represented both direction and velocity. When I wonder where I'm headed, my second thought is to ask myself how fast I'm moving (or am willing to). When things come up in current events, I wonder first where we are relative to the subject and then which direction we're being led. For my part, I wonder if I'll take the same direction or go some other way.

Then I'll ask myself how fast I'm willing to move.

Meditation - what, when, why, how?

2009-02-27T16:42:00.000-08:00

Ever mulled over the notion of giving compulsory philosophical challenges to political leaders? IIRC, it's a forgone conclusion as it is, as of yet, too difficult to quantify and, in turn, judge results relative to qualification.

I've wondered how various leaders would answer the question above. I mean when it comes down to it, there's gotta be at least quiet deliberation for difficult choices, right? Maybe that's sufficient for some, but meditation means more to me. For me, getting quiet means I have less distraction in the way of my more intuitive thoughts. When I tap into my intuition, I seem to make the clearest decisions possible, at least at that point in time.

So, I'd love to hear people respond to the following questions, openly or in private:

1) What does meditation mean to you?
2) When do you meditate?
3) Why do you meditate and/or what do you get out of it?
4) How do you meditate? What's it look like?

I'd flip to hear Obama's response. Anyone close enough to him to ask the question(s)?

A note on depression medication

2009-01-07T09:31:00.000-08:00

Someone asked me to share some of my experience with being treated for Major Clinical Depression. Here's what I wrote:

Dear friend,

Thanks for your response. Your note brought up lots of ideas for us to share! Dealing with MCP was incredibly helpful for me to grow in many ways, often dealing with the primary focus of this class in fact -- that being to get to know myself better.

The fact that you are as in tune with yourself as to notice "that feeling" creeping in is fantastic. There was too much time in my life where I blew off those recognitions and/or they were too faint for me to acknowledge as important. One simple, but powerful, tool that was given to me was rating my feelings on a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is "overwhelmed by" that feeling. A crucial part of that tool, though, is the fact that if I'm rating something over a 5, that I'm probably being controlled by that feeling rather than the other way around.

For example, when I was active in my med therapy, especially when I went through med changes (before the changes stabilized), I would have swings in my numbers. There were times when, even though the meds stabilized, my numbers were still consistently above a 5. When those were the case, I knew that there wasn't much I could do through self will, but that I needed to get more care and maybe have my meds adjusted by my doctor.

I would record these trends and show them to my doctor. He'd almost always be able to make an adjustment that, 10-14 days later, would stabilize my moods.

The fact that my numbers were consistently below 5s (often 0-1!) meant that I could wean myself off the meds (under the care of my doctor, of course!) until my brain chem was operating on its own steam.

My point is that if you're having trouble with your moods/feelings being stable, then maybe you need to discuss this in more detail with your doctor. You should _not_ have to struggle so much with moods that swing wildly due to mild experiences. People with healthy brain chemistry don't.

The reason I think this is so important is that, until I was able to get my brain chemistry moderated, I couldn't successfully make lasting changes in other aspects of life.

It was like trying to improve the performance of my entire car with my engine running on only a few of its cylinders. Bolting on a turbo would not make a big difference as the non-working cylinders would be working _against_ the engine itself. In fact, the turbo would most likely make my engine damage itself further. Getting racing spark plugs wouldn't help nearly as much since they simply wouldn't be addressing the primary problem with my engine. Getting all cylinders to work properly was fundamental to all my other changes being able to integrate properly.

This is all my experience and not doctrine. I'm not a professional, so please take this note as such. If you have any other questions, please ask. I'm happy to share my experience or just be available to hear what your experience has been like. Many others made themselves available to me as such. Maybe I'll have a chance to "pass it on".

Talk to you soon, Burt

Thanksgiving 2008!

2008-11-27T11:39:00.001-08:00

Greetings, all.

I just wanted to take a moment to touch base with everyone. I was thinking -- I've got this day, this moment. It only lasts for a moment, and then I'm on to the next. There are forces in this world that can affect the moments that I have. Thankfully, those forces are showing me grace and beauty.

For today, I've been blessed with moments that include watching my daughter eat in front of a video that we're watching together. We've got our dog resting next to us. We've got dinner with friends ahead of us and a nine pound ham heating in the oven that we'll get to share. We've got the chance to see Sarah's cousin later today. I have a phone that gave me a chance to call many people in my life today, including my mother and step-dad. I've already had a chance to see 191 other people this morning to talk about and share our journey together. I have a half tank of gas and a beautiful and reliable car. I have a healthy body that let's me walk in the rain today. I live in one of the most beautiful places in the world.

I am surrounded by people that love and respect me. I have brothers and sisters in my spiritual family all over the world. And, I have a chance today to make that grow and deepen with each person I spend time with.

I used to take life for granted. I spent years being reckless or spoiled, lavishing my sense of entitlement. Today, I find so much more joy and satisfaction from a sense of gratitude and appreciation for what I have.

I'm grateful for each and every one of you receiving this. Happy Thanksgiving!

With love,

Burt

p.s. Sarah wants to say: "You people are awesome!"

Do you meditate?

2008-11-12T04:59:00.000-08:00

According to Wikipedia (emphasis mine):

Meditation is a mental discipline by which one attempts to get beyond the conditioned, "thinking" mind into a deeper state of relaxation or awareness. Meditation often involves turning attention to a single point of reference. It is recognized as a component of almost all religions, and has been practiced for over 5,000 years.

So, for me, I've learned to use meditation as a chance to find what's true within myself. I used to worry that what I'd come up with would be unworthy, so I'd just glom onto whatever truths were handed to me that sounded good, that resonated with me. That turned out to be pretty limiting, though, as I was heavily dependent on others to articulate my truths. As that became a habit, I ended up being completely dependent on others to provide my sense of self worth.

Thankfully, all of that time wasn't lost, but rather inefficient towards my inevitable goal of self realization.

The reason I felt compelled to post about this is that there seem to be far too many issues or events where we, as humans, often react without attempting to "get beyond the conditioned, 'thinking'" and we often dismiss or ignore the more thoughtful alternatives. I've have often found myself saying "I wish I had handled that differently" in the past. I've felt that with impulse buys, flashes of anger, and instances of following a crowd.

While there have been many cases where my gut reaction was appropriate and desirable, I've seen that I almost always could have afforded a few moments, or "sleeping on it", before making the same decision. A friend responded to me, "well, what's the point, then? Why spend the time to meditate?" My thinking is that I've hardly ever been in a life or death situation that demanded instant response, so what's the harm in being even just a little more deliberate?

And then, what about those more difficult choices? Take Proposition 8 for example. In the past, I could have taken the thoughts of others (leaders, ministers, friends, etc...) and acted on those. In the past, I've often felt afraid of bucking the status quo, of disappointing friends and family, of standing out in a crowd. I've found that those fears have often cost me my sense of self and of my living an authentic life, one true to the depths of my soul. I find that meditation helps in this regard and, in turn, makes my life a whole lot easier to live.

Mystery School

2008-11-10T23:06:00.000-08:00

Here's an article from an intrepid reporter.

Sounds cool.

Lessons from a "broken" back

2008-11-10T22:27:00.000-08:00

Last week, I strained a muscle during a training session. I felt it happen and, while I slowed down and finished the session, I didn't really address the problem for another two days.

If you know me, you know how much I love my car, yet I had reached the point of lusting for an SUV. At that point, I decided to get help and saw my standby body helper, Dr. Chad Wells at The League Chiropractic. He helped me during my marathon run in 2006 and he totally pulled through again.

Why am I telling you this? Because this taught me a lot and if I can pass something on to someone, I'm gonna do it.

Lesson #1: Trunk Strength -- it's important, and I hadn't been paying any attention to it. So, my back gave out. With a broken back, a person once told me (when I broke my pelvis) that you're basically broken in half. Well, I was close to 50% anyway. Bad news.

Lesson #2: Muscles "strain" and ligaments "sprain" -- I'm grateful as heck that I didn't get a sprain. AFAIK, soft, connective tissue takes way longer to heal than muscles do.

Lesson #3: Cold for two days, then heat and motion -- Temperature therapy can help. Applying cold ≈controls inflammation and was recommended to me for the first two days after injury. Applying heat increases circulation which, while exercising gently, can help the muscles to repair quickly.

Lesson #4: Homeopathy works for me -- I was given the suggestion to try Arnica 30c for pain and discomfort. This was my first time trying homeopathic remedies, but it worked for me! My skepticism of homeopathy has been present for some time but, after this experience, I can buy into it even based on the placebo effect. If that is truly the mechanism for these remedies to work, then it simply affirms the power of the mind. I'm cool with that.

Lesson #5: Isometrics can be done anytime -- With as uncomfortable as it was moving around, I had to find some way to deal without injuring myself further. I found that simply tensing my abdominals took away most, if not all, the pressure and pain on my strained muscle. I started sitting straighter and I was more conscientious of how I maneuvered my body, all while tensing my stomach. I ended up tensing my abs more and more throughout the day and, in a couple days, I felt surprisingly tighter. This has also helped to ease into crunches. Cool.

Lesson #6: Three sensations -- I recognized three different feelings while recuperating: 1) the tear itself, 2) an intense cramping, and 3) soreness. While on the mend, the last two are okay, and this can be a guide to how much activity is too much. The cramping is a natural response where the body tries to cease all motion to avoid further damage. The soreness is from working a weak muscle and (maybe) from surrounding muscles compensation for the same amount of work without the participation of the injured muscle. The tear -- don't do it again, duh.

That's about it. More later, I'm sure. Time to put Sarah to bed.

Dubious?

2008-11-07T11:17:00.001-08:00

I was moved by a petition to act against the Mormon church due to their support of Prop 8 here in California. I feel no malice towards Mormonism, but I do think these actions warrant a response. This website taught me of IRS code which helps to separate church and state. I'm glad this law exists.

I don't have all the time I would want for this datacheck, but I did use the Cal-Access website (state website that discloses contributions made and received, plus...) to verify the numbers for the Knights of Columbus entry on the Californian's Against Hate website which declared KoC's donating of $1.425M to protectmarriage.com.

This article declares that 59K "Mormon" families donated $17.67M out of the total monies given to Prop 8 ($26.5M to protectmarriage.com alone! Who knows how much more to other orgs...). I don't know how they were able to match families to the Mormon denomination, though.

I'm out. It's getting kinda gross down here.

/back

2008-11-06T09:55:00.000-08:00

re!

New blog

2008-08-03T13:34:00.000-07:00

I'm going anonymous. Funny, since I'm announcing it here.

The mystery is from not telling you the URL.

New Bumper Sticker!

2008-05-30T09:45:00.000-07:00

"God is more than you think."

It doesn't cover _all_ the bases, but I think it's a truism.

Fwd: Changing Culture - It's Sexy to be Sober

2008-05-29T12:10:00.001-07:00

Greetings, all.

I _very_ rarely send out a mass mailing to my contact list, but I did want to ask for your support in an event I had a little to do with. The event is actually this evening and, while that may not give much time for you to plan attending, please consider the message below to see if this is an issue you can support in mind, body, and/or spirit.

Thanks for your time!

Sincerely,

Burton Lo

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Stu Weintraub <stu@weintraubmedia.com>
Date: Wed, May 28, 2008 at 10:40 PM

Friends and Colleagues:

I'm proud to be producing an event this Thursday evening (May 29th at 7pm) at Aubergine in the Gaslamp Quarter (click here for directions) that is sure to be a first-ever occasion, which we hope will make a positive impact on our culture.

Click here to view the video of me on Fox 6's San Diego Living describing the cause for which we are raising awareness and funds. It is a joy to be speaking out on issues and for an organization with a mission passionate to my core.

The event is billed as: SEXY-n-SOBER 2008 – "An Evening of Fashion and Unfermented Fun" to benefit The Sundt Memorial Foundation which sends FREE DVD's to EVERY SCHOOL IN THE U.S. using kids' positive role models such as Tony Hawk, encouraging school kids to pursue their "Natural Highs" in life and to stay clear of drugs and alcohol. When all other programs charge school districts money, and use ineffective messaging like "JUST SAY NO" Sundt has employed the same psychology known to work with positive-parenting techniques… Give them Positive Role Models in Life!!!

Tickets are available at the door for $40 cash at the door. We'll see you there tomorrow night!

Best regards,

Stu Weintraub

This message was sent from Stu Weintraub to blo@27.org. It was sent from: SexynSober.com, 3525 Del Mar Heights Rd #424, San Diego, CA 92130. You can modify/update your subscription via the link below.

Manage your subscription

Choice: The Heart of the Matter (or Issue)?

2008-05-20T14:30:00.000-07:00

(Just blabbing here, please don't mind me.)

There are some issues in dispute that seem bound by a simple premise -- whether the issue is a matter of choice.

This came up for me recently with the California Supreme Court's ruling on the ban of gay marriage being unconstitutional. I was wondering why this was such a polarized debate for people when I remembered how some people that I've spoken with simply believe that sexual orientation is a conscious choice rather than an natural attribute, like hair color or gender.

I think that when people accept that an issue is beyond a person's ability to choose, that there is less dispute. This doesn't always work, but I think it's crucial for people to understand each other.

Sometimes I try to exemplify the issue by proposing that a person imagine they have cancer. There's no absolute cure as of yet and the best a person can do is assume a positive attitude and pursue available treatments. While some achieve success, there's no guarantee that a person can "choose" to get over cancer.

I've spoken to people before about gay rights and many times people have simply assumed that being gay was a choice. I don't fully agree. I imagine that some people choose it, but I also believe that for many (most?) it is simply the way they are built, in the same way I'm male and Asian.

I try to apply this same thinking in matters of status, race, gender, etc... There are some things that can be affected by choice, but there are no guarantees. While many people have achieved amazing successes through hard work, discipline, and positive thinking (amongst other attributes), there are simply forces beyond human choice that affect outcomes.

My point is that I often feel sad at the lack of tolerance or compassion for people that get the short end of the stick in society. Prejudice sucks and I think it can be avoided.

Last thought: consider the people you know that have changed from being more accepting of people to less accepting, then compare that number with people changing from less to more. I think the second number would be larger and I imagine that comes from experience of the world trumping preconceptions from youth. I could be wrong.

What I learned at Novice School

2008-05-03T18:59:00.000-07:00

[UPDATED: added times from measured runs]

Man, just sitting down for some pho for dinner after an amazing day of learning how to race. Ahhh. My legs are tired from walking so much, but aside from that, I had such a great day!

So, what'd I learn today? I learned a bunch of things including:

- autocross is NOT about pressing the throttle as hard as I physically can
- fast autocross times are typically contrary to getting my ya-ya's out
- steady is good
- smooth is good
- slowing down for slow corners is better than powering through them
- all things being equal, the shorter line is better
- my car is amazing!

I netted the second best time, beat only by Dave in his BSP RX-8. Before he did his time, I had first and second place. Not to toot my own horn, but I was smoking!

I have so much to be thankful to this new guy I met named Raijo. He was an incredible instructor and he gave me so much to work with and practice. I'm indebted to his patience, skill, and generosity of spirit.

Lastly, I swear, the community of autocrossers really kicks ass. All the instructors were volunteers and they were good spirited throughout and endlessly helpful. Thanks to all the volunteers.

The course was designed with three segments that we practiced one at a time in the first half of the day. We ran late, so the last segment was after lunch. After that (with a quick run for more gas for myself), the segments were connected together and we got to run the entire course in its entirety. Here are my times (in order):

- 78.823
- 77.071
- 77.681
- 77.746

Don't hate me because I'm drama free [eom]

2008-04-09T14:55:00.001-07:00

Sometimes, even a little is too much

2008-04-08T11:38:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna be vague here, because if I wasn't, I might be misconstrued.

I have what I like to call certain allergies. From what I know about allergies, they can come or go over a person's lifespan, they can be directly or indirectly related to incompatibilities between a person's system and various substances/processes/foods, and they can run the gamut of innocuous to deadly.

Thankfully, I have no deadly allergies like others do, but I do have to be very careful because, as I've found out the hard way, I am very susceptible to the effects of certain things in my life.

With some things that have proven harmful to myself, I've been able to simply eradicate their presence from my life. I no longer drink or use other mind-altering substances and I've toned down my reckless driving and sport activities.

I've also worked very hard at minimizing the presence of those things in my life that I can't categorically remove. This leads to the point of this post.

For those things that I've successfully minimized but not completely removed, I have to _always_ remember that there may never be a time where I can risk exposure to that allergen. For today, I have to assume that I will have a violent and harmful reaction that is out of my control and I have to take full responsibility for that fact.

I mean, wouldn't it suck to have an allergy to strawberries, then die at a five star restaurant because there were strawberry seeds used as a garnish? Wouldn't it suck to be sober for twenty years, then have a beer and kill someone while driving home? Wouldn't it suck to leave a company and be rid of a toxic coworker, and then have that person confront you at Starbucks?

On the flip side, if I know that I am a source of potential damage and discomfort to a person or situation, I need to be cognizant of that fact and, if I must participate, be sensitive and compassionate of my impact. Regardless of whether I am aware of this or not, I am inevitably responsible for my part in the effects.

Of course, there are varying degrees of sensitivity and effect, but the dynamic still holds true.

Studies: Iraq Costs US $12B Per Month - Politics on The Huffington Post

2008-03-17T11:56:00.000-07:00

Studies: Iraq Costs US $12B Per Month

Yes, it's the Huffington Post, but quoted within are even more conservative estimates:

The nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office (CBO) has done its own projections and comes in lower, forecasting a cumulative cost by 2017 of $1.2 trillion to $1.7 trillion for the two wars, with Iraq generally accounting for three-quarters of the costs.

My question is when will be be doing ourselves more damage than our "good intentions" are worth? I mean, let's save ourselves to fight another day, let's clean our side of the street first, let's not pluck out our eye to spite our face, or any other adage that fits oh-so-well in this massive outpouring of money.

I may not have said it out loud as frequently as I've said it in my own head, but we've got too many problems that are being inadequately served to continue on this path of war.

Going with my own flow

2008-03-17T10:05:00.000-07:00

So, I've been struck more and more with this notion -- that following the crowd is (definitely!) not always the best move and, in fact, it is SO much more valuable to pursue what is right for myself at all times.

Yeah, that might sound like common sense or just good lovin', but how many others got caught up in the housing crisis? The war in Iraq? The desire to let China slide on rights violations? The enthusiasm of Barack Obama?

I imagine that there are people who seriously consider things like that, then make a decision out of their own conscience and experience. Lately, I've been imagining "What Would The Donald Do?" As in Donald Trump. Regardless of the fact that he has enough resources to support him, the fact is that he makes choices based on his own conscience and experience. I certainly hope I can look back on my choices and say they were NOT derived from economic fears or insecurities, but rather from a sober and honest appraisal of my situation.

But, take something like the Iraq War. That has little economic impact as far as I know, at least none that directly impacts me. Way back at the start of the war, was there _enough_ evidence to ensure that fighting Iraq would address the terrorist threat? Well, President Bush said so, but he didn't show me. Did I get drawn into the crowd and support the war? Not really, mostly because I really hate the President and I have ever since he stepped into office. But a lot of other people did get trapped believing -- it's hard not to!

So, I didn't get caught with the war, but I did get caught up in the lending bubble, at least a little. I was one of the many who thought that the beautiful financial situation from a couple years ago was going to last and last and last. Now, I find myself with a little egg on my face wishing I had played a more conservative game.

This is just a rambling. I had to get it out of my head. I guess the only other thing I want to say is that knowing how easy it is to get caught up with the masses, I can find compassion for others who get caught up as well.

My conversation with God this morning.

2008-03-12T04:18:00.000-07:00

Me: God, hey, it's me again. Good morning. I crashed hard last night and then woke up around 2-ish this morning. I checked my email the way I usually do when I awake, you know the way I usually do, and there was this post about someone struggling with Sin. I wanted to respond, but I wasn't sure how to do it, so I kinda lay there thinking and I guess you gave me this idea. Wanna play with this?

God: Sure!

Me: So, my idea of sin so far is that Sin is basically anything that keeps me from your plan for me, that when I'm _not_ living in sin, I'm living in Grace. Make sense?

God: Works for me. Is that working for you?

Me: Yeah, so far. I mean I have a hard enough time just trying to keep my eyes open and focused on what your plan might be for me, you know, in the big picture, or even each day.

God: Yup, I know. That's been a hard one for you, but you seem to be sticking with the program that you found and you keep trying a little bit each day. Isn't it getting easier for you?

Me: Yeah, at least sometimes. I get distracted sometimes more than others.

God: Sure, sure. The world's a really busy place for people like you.

Me: Yeah, you know I wonder about that sometimes. Can't you make it easier for me?

God: Sure, I could. In fact, it's always possible for life to be "easier" for you. You just have to choose it. As far as life being less busy, well, there are a lot of people living around you. I haven't thought it a good idea to put you in a bubble, at least not yet. There are ways, though...

Me: Ah, yeah, you and the "ellipsis" thing. That's shorthand for "more will be revealed". Cute.

God: Yeah, you know me and my sense of humor...

Me: Heh, there's another one. I'm grateful that you won't make a joke at my expense.

God: Nope! Why would I? Well, I might if there were a larger purpose, but remember, I wouldn't give you more than you could handle and there are _never_ any mistakes in my world.

Me: Hmmm, lemme just check in with how I feel about that for a sec. Yup, I still see that. You haven't given me more than I could handle and all the times that haven't made sense for me, I'll just keep practicing faith that you've got some bigger plan.

God: Good. I am a whole lot larger than you are -- in fact, still larger than you can imagine. Keep trying, though. I know you have fun with that.

Me: I do, I do. So, as far as the Sin thing, before I started typing this, I was thinking of doing a kinda dialogue about it with you. Ready?

God: Of course!

Me: So, would you say it is sinful if I, I dunno, steal a car?

God: My question to you is, do you think that's my plan for you? Or is it your plan for you?

Me: Well, hypothetically speaking of course...

God: Sure, all of this is hypothetical for now. I'm good with that.

Me: ...I guess if I were of the mind to steal a car, I'd be feeling pretty hopeless or reckless. No, I don't think that'd be your plan, more like mine.

God: Yeah, that fits for me.

Me: Okay, how about the Seven Deadly Sins of Man -- let's say "Greed".

God: Okay.

Me: So, I'm feeling greedy. I want more, say, money. Sin or not?

God: Again, same question. Think that's my plan for you?

Me: Hmmm. Do I think God wants me to feel greedy? Well, what about "no mistakes in your world"? Might it be your plan for me to feel greedy right now?

God: It could, it could. I might have some bigger plan for you, but then we'd be back to a situation of "more will be revealed". My question to you is, what are you getting out of your greedy feelings, or any of those other "deadly sins"?

Me: I guess I'd be getting my way, as opposed to anyone else's way, including yours.

God: Makes sense to me. So basically, those sins are you being willful, imposing yourself on the world?

Me: Yeah, if I killed someone, got all lazy - eh, what are the others? Hold on, lemme Wiki those...

Me: Back. Found 'em. "Luxuria (extravagance, later lust), Gula (gluttony), Avaritia (greed), Acedia (sloth), Ira (wrath), Invidia (envy), and Superbia (pride)". So what you're saying is that these are all me being willful?

God: Well, yeah, whaddya think? You think my plan is for you to be gluttonous, wrathful, prideful or any of the others? How's that gonna help anything?

Me: Yeah, okay, I can see that.

God: Keep remembering, just like you've been learning, I want you to be "of service". All those sins get in the way. I want you to help others, love others, add the light in yourself to all the rest of the light in your world so that the whole place just glows and shines as brightly as it can!

Me: I want that too! Not just for me, but for my girl, my friends, the whole world! You _know_ how sad I am about how things are elsewhere.

God: Of course. We've talked about that for a while. Most of that stuff is too big for you, at least right now. Just worry about yourself. You've been making improvements, one day at a time. I'm proud of you, and it's working, isn't it?

Me: Yeah, well, there are some pretty messy and uncomfortable things going on, you know that!

God: Yes, I know, I've been with you through all of those...

Me: ...yeah, I know...

God: ...and you keep seeing how "this too shall pass" keeps working...

Me: ...yeah, I know...

God: ...and I keep giving you signs and evidence that faith works...

Me: ...yeah, you do a pretty great job of that. I hardly ever see those payoffs coming!

God: Yeah, those payoffs to the faithful are pretty fun for me.

Me: You devil, you! I knew you were getting some fun out of all of this!

God: Heh. Come on, you know how great that feels when you can bonus out your daughter for keeping the faith and doing a good job. Like the last time you snuck in some chocolates to her lunch! That was a good one.

Me: Yeah, I liked it and so did she when she discovered them.

God: And you did that because you were proud of her, you wanted to give her something special because she'd been making what you thought were good choices.

Me: Yeah, she had been. I am really proud of her.

God: She didn't have to earn the chocolate, that just felt good to give as a form of "attagirl", right? I mean, she's earning stuff on her own, getting smarter from studying, self esteem from taking care of herself, trust and honesty from her relations...

Me: Yeah, all of that. I'm glad you've helped me see some of those myself. They really turned out to be so important to how I felt about myself.

God: Well, you made those choices, to keep coming back to me, one day at a time. I'm proud of you and I love you.

Me: Thanks, God. I feel that. Thanks.

God: So, are we done with this topic, or do you wanna keep talking about it?

Me: Oh, you know me, I could keep talking forever.

God: Yeah, sure. Okay, if you say so. Forever, heh, you crack me up!

Me: Yeah? Cool. I made God chuckle! I'm so funny...

God: You just did the "ellipsis" thing.

Me: Yup, I learned that from you, "more will be revealed"...

The sound of justice!

2008-03-05T17:37:00.000-08:00

This Yahoo News story "Vermont towns vote to arrest Bush and Cheney" makes me happy!

There may actually be hope for our country now that some people are, not just waking up, but holding President Bush accountable.

You know, I don't even need him to be held criminally responsible for his actions. I just want him to acknowledge that his decisions, and they were ultimately his, account for a lot of pain and destruction in this country. I want him to acknowledge his part and then apologize. From there, I might consider affording him some respect, but until then, he's lying to me.

Every day.

Full rez versions of my videos from the Belly Up

2008-03-05T16:09:00.000-08:00

Someone else asked for them, so I created a torrent to share them. Here you go!

2-26-08 @ Belly Up Tavern - Adrian Belew Power Trio Vids