Crazy Bloggin' Canuck: A Denver Mommy Blog

A Lesson in Parenting

2009-12-17T17:19:00.003-07:00

I have received several inquiries about the outcome of the Microsoft Office Winter Games Contest. They still have not decided upon a winner and will publicly announce their choice on January 7. Fingers are still crossed several times over that I win and thanks again for your support!

In the interim, we are busy following all the Olympic hopefuls, implementing social media strategies for several Colorado and Utah ski resorts, and enrolling Haddie in skating lessons.

Oh, and Jamie and I have been practicing superior parenting strategies. To illustrate:

The Mother Teaching About Family Bonding

As Haddie and I were crossing the street, I told her to hold my hand.

"Why do we hold hands when crossing the street, Mommy?

Me: "So when we get hit we can go down together."

The Father Expounding Upon Bad Words

Our neighbor Steve was hanging out at our house today. Jamie said something like:

"I'd kill for that. The whole thing is just stupid."

Bode: "Daddy. Dat's a BAD WORD."

Steve: "What? Kill?"

Jamie: "No, killing is just fine. He's talking about 'stupid."

The Children Demonstrating Our Superior Parenting Skills

We have had an unusual amount of snow in Colorado this fall. The kids and I had cabin fever so we hit the playground this afternoon. At one point, Hadley declared she wanted to race her 3-year-old brother. I approved but told her to be careful not to knock him over.

Not even 1 second into the race, she walloped him. He crumbled like a pathetic heap on the pavement.

"Hadley, what do you say to your poor little brother??!!!"

"Bode, YOU WERE IN MY WAY!"

Christmas Previews

2009-12-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

It was March 2006 when I first made The Big Announcement at my MSN Spaces blog about our new addition to the family:

Jamie's 300-pound baby.

(Note: Babywearing advocates wouldn't want to get anywhere near this beast).

Almost four years later, a finally-finished basement, and the drama of scraping together enough funds to buy the counter top after our original granite contractor stole our money, our old-fashioned soda fountain is finished.

Couple that with Jamie's 84-inch HDTV and I may never be able to drag him out of his Man Cave again.

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Like many of you, we are in the throes of Christmas preparations. But unlike many of you, I am not stressed out in the least. In fact, this will be one of my least frenzied holidays because we aren't throwing our annual Christmas Eve shindig due to Jamie's parents recent move to Utah.

Being family-less and friendless has its advantages.

We're starting a new tradition and are skiing Loveland on December 24th. We are also guilting Jamie's sister into spending Christmas day with us. This process involves bribery because she'd rather sleep in than spend the morning with my sugar-induced children jumping all over her, slurring Santa praises.

I just can't figure out the swingin' single folks these days.

Something we will have in abundance is fine food. My Christmas baking has already been distributed.

On this year's menu: gingerbread cookies, sugar cookies, pumpkin fudge, Almond Roca and whipped shortbread.

My beloved husband sampled all the spoils and offered his honest opinion.

"This is the best maple fudge I've ever tasted."

"It's pumpkin."

I'm thinking the man should just stick to old-fashioned soda.

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth a vasectomy

2009-12-14T00:00:00.002-07:00

Warning to men everywhere: this post’s contents will make you extremely uncomfortable. Proceed with caution.

My husband Jamie underwent the "snip-snip" on Friday. We have two beautiful kids and had always planned to have three so did not take this decision lightly. But after a couple of failed attempts at getting pregnant and much prayer, we knew we were done. We both feel strongly we are to bring another child into our home under circumstances other than giving birth.

Can't say I'll miss it one bit.

Jamie sent me an email when he scheduled a consultation with the doctor and said "what a great sacrifice" this was for him.

I get it. Messing with Man's Most Prized Possession is bound to cause extreme angst. But men somehow forget the 40 weeks of misery we undergo, only to be rewarded by pushing out a screaming watermelon. Follow that up with sleepless nights, exploding boobs and Jekll and Hyde hormones. Then, multiply that by multiple children.

I think it's safe to say women have the far worse deal.

I would liken a vasectomy unto READ ON

Happy Birthday to the Lord of the Gourds!

2009-12-09T00:00:00.002-07:00

It's Jamie's 39th birthday today.

If you're looking for some sappy post about how wonderful, amazing and perfect the love of my life is, look elsewhere.

He is, after all, the man who ditched me post-childbirth because he was sicker than a dog.

OK, so maybe I might have said, "You're useless to me. Go home and get better."

His work, after all, was done after the "difficult" task of conception.

Almost seven years into our marriage, I am continually amazed and humbled to be married to such a great guy. In this tough economy, he launched his own web development company and works his butt off to make it profitable. He is the king of the one-liners and makes me laugh every day. He's had more medical issues than Job and often lives in chronic pain but rarely complains. He is always loving and supportive of my dreams. He likes The Children when I do not. And most importantly, he makes the world a lot brighter just by living in it.

Even if it is a blinding shade of orange.

His college buddy Todd recently told me that Jamie has a heart of gold and that I am married to one of his favorite people in the world.

I couldn't agree with him more.

Happy birthday to my very own Lord of the Gourds!

Ski Fever

2009-12-08T00:00:00.001-07:00

Bring on winter! Colorado has already received an unprecedented amount of snow and I went snowshoeing on Friday.

Well, "snowshoeing" is a bit of a misnomer. More like I carried my snowshoes to the top of Dinosaur Ridge to find deep powder, got lazy about putting them on and ended up just hiking through it.

But my snowshoes were present in the process, which still counts as snowshoeing, right?

I'm skiing Breckenridge today (and yes, skis will be firmly attached). Ski destinations this winter will include Park City Mountain Resort (where I am one of their official "Snowmamas"), Loveland, Aspen/Snowmass, Durango Mountain Resort and possibly Keystone.

After a long ski drought of pregnancies, childbirth and babies, this mama is back in the saddle.

Or rather, the chairlift!

Three-year-old Bode recently had his first taste of skiing at the Colorado Ski and Snowboard Expo. He will be learning to ski this winter and expectations are high. We named him after skiing legend Bode Miller as we watched the 2006 Torino Olympic Games and the little dude did not disappoint.

We'll just have to remember to put skis on him, too.

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Flashback: I spotted the first Olympic cereal box the other day. It took me back to February 2006 when I was shopping with 2-year-old Hadley. As we passed the cereal aisle, she started yelling "Mommmmmmy, Mommmmmmy" whilst pointing.

Confused, I looked around until I spotted the focus of her attention. There, on the Frosted Flake box, was my smiling face.

OK, so maybe it was Lindsey Jacobellis' but the resemblance was uncanny.

Haddie grabbed the box, yelled "Mommy" again and then her focus turned to Tony the Tiger. Still mesmerized, Haddie queried "Tigger?" as if to say, "How could you not tell me you knew Tigger?"

Just think how impressed the kid will be if I win my own Olympic bid and blog from the 2010 Vancouver Olympic Games.

Note: Tigger not included.

How a Preschooler Solved the World's Relationship Problems

2009-12-07T00:00:00.002-07:00

My 3-year-old son Bode has the answer to every single person's relationship drama.

Whenever someone (OK, mostly his sister Hadley) ticks him off, like clockwork Bode chimes in: "I don't wike dat."

Which, in Bode speak, loosely means "GET THE CRAP OUT OF MY FACE AND STOP BUGGING ME."

I really didn't think anything of it until my parent-teacher conference with his preschool teachers. They mentioned they have been instructing the children how to voice their discontent instead of just physically lashing out. They said Bode in particular is very good about telling people exactly what he is thinking.

Not surprising with a mother like me.

"I don't like that" has become a staple of our everyday life. My children and I were recently in Canada for 12 days, during which time my husband Jamie had some difficulty getting along with our new kitty.

And remembering to feed him. Remy the Fat Cat came out of the whole experience a few pounds lighter.

The crux of the problem, however, is that READ ON

Blackmail Bliss

2009-12-02T15:30:00.002-07:00

Some people look worse as they grow older.

I would like to think I have improved with age.

**Photo courtesy of my father who obviously thinks the 80s were funny. As you can see, there is nothing humorous about them.

A Tale Between Two Cities

2009-12-02T00:00:00.001-07:00

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

My flight from Calgary to Denver, that is.

I don't have a great relationship with air travel and why would I? I've had flights canceled, been stranded, had a bird hit the windshield of my flight, been detained in the Taliban room and thought I was going to die due to extreme turbulence.

These are not the makings of a loving relationship.

My flight to Calgary was about as smooth-sailing as it could have been flying solo with two young children. I remained cautiously optimistic about my return-flight.

When I arrived two hours early at the airport, I was thrilled to see only a couple of people checking in at United. I did the happy dance and leisurely filled out my Customs form before sauntering to the front of the line.

What I did not realize was one of those people in front of me actually represented the entire Austrian Men's Ski Team who had been at the Alberta World Cup in Lake Louise. Thirty men proceeded to butt in front of us in line, overwhelming the lone employee.

That was the worst of times.

The best: have you ever seen the Austrian Men's Ski ~~Hunks~~ Team? 'Nuff said.

More European teams lined up behind us and this mere mortal waited patiently enjoying the views of the gods.

The kids grew increasingly fussy and another employee finally showed up. "Are there any other teams I can check in?"

That's when this strawberry-blond mortal threw an Olympic-sized fit, demanding they first take care of the civilians and she obliged. However, the damage was done. The airport was flooded with athletes and Customs and security were extremely backed up. After grabbing a quick bite to eat, we barely made our flight. And who should be on it?

The Austrian Men's Ski ~~Hunks~~ Team.

This is when it became the best of times again.

They filled our tiny commuter plane to capacity. Hadley was fortunate enough to sit next to one of them.

I kicked her out mid-flight to sit with Bode.

Because that's what any good mother would do.

I chatted with them about their experience in Canada, how they were on their way to Beaver Creek and about Olympic dreams. The Austrians are ski royalty and many of these men are medal contenders.

My fingers are crossed I'll be there in person to cheer them on, which I would be thrilled to do.

Just so long as they promise not to monopolize my airport again.

A taste of the bitter-sweet

2009-12-01T00:00:00.020-07:00

Returning home to Calgary is always bitter-sweet. I was blessed with a wonderful, magical childhood that every kid in this world deserves but doesn't always get. Life was never perfect but I had two parents who gave me wings and taught me to never second-guess my dreams.

Well, except for that one time I dreamed I was riding to a desert island in a shark's mouth.

This last trip to my childhood home was more meaningful than ever.

When I wasn't busy groveling for votes for the Microsoft Office Winters Games Contest, Hadley, Bode and I spent the majority of our time hanging out with family. We collected pine cones in my parent's golf cart, took naps, got sick, got better, visited my dear friend Stacey, went to breakfast at glorious Cora's and played with cousins.

We also took daily walks with my parent's dogs

and rolled down the gully near my house.

Note: It was my father who instigated that one, not me. Kinda humbling to still get your butt kicked by your 70-year-old dad.

But the true highlight was when we took a trip to Southern Alberta for my niece Ashton's special day.
I went for several runs, exploring my favorite haunts around my neighborhood, through Fish Creek Provincial Park, and along the swollen Bow River. It was in these places, along these trails, that I first learned to dream, explore and soar.

Those moments were the sweet.

The bitter was dealing with my mother's rapidly declining health.

Since I originally wrote about her 25-year battle with Multiple Sclerosis, she has become more open about her condition. And accepted it. She has regular debilitating attacks, can no longer drive and relies on my father for most of her day-to-day tasks. They stay abreast on cutting-edge treatments, praying for the day she might be one of the recipients. It is a process that is both hopeful and heart-breaking.

I am glad to be back in Denver. It was a great trip. It was a sobering trip. And I cannot think of a better time to be there than during Thanksgiving so that I could count my many blessings.

Annual Crafting Extravaganza Causes Annual Ulcer

2009-11-30T00:00:00.003-07:00

Public voting has ended for my bid to blog at the 2010 Vancouver Games. Microsoft will take the top three finalists and make the ultimate decision in the next few weeks. I cannot thank you enough for the immeasurable amount of support and encouragement you have given me! Regardless of the outcome, I have been thrilled to be a part of it and am grateful so many of you have come along for the ride.

Which has been considerably more rewarding and less suicidal than that crazy skeleton.

Thanks again! And now, back to my regularly-scheduled post....

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It's the time of year again that my husband Jamie dreads. That time when I become delusional and somehow forget that I cannot do crafts. That I have never been able to do crafts and I never will be able to do crafts.

Every fall, the female members of my church gather for Super Saturday (or Fabulous Friday) in an event that can only be described as Martha Stewart on Steroids.

This year, the classes included photography, dutch oven, bread making and fondue classes, Thanksgiving and Christmas crafts, 72-hour kits and general miscellaneous sessions perfectly constructed to send me over the edge.

With visions of grandeur, I signed up to make READ ON

Mirror, Mirror: What Is The Greatest Winter Olympic Sport Of All?

2009-11-25T00:04:00.011-07:00

We all have our favorite events at the Winter Olympics. Some love the Ski Jump, the original extreme winter sport that was introduced at the first Winter Olympic Games in Chamonix in 1924. Others love the team aspect so Hockey rules supreme. And let's face it: whose heart doesn't skip a beat when someone lands a triple axel. I'm talking Figure Skating, of course, not Hockey.

Though think of how much more exponentially impressive that would be.

As an ardent promoter of the ski industry, my favorite Olympic event may surprise you: Curling.

You see, I owe my very life to this great sport. My parents MET whilst on a curling team in Calgary. I don't know what the initial connection was. Maybe she liked the way he threw that big ol' heavy rock. And I'm sure he was enthralled with her sweeping technique. I mean, what man wouldn't? It was, after all, the '60s.

For this reason, I felt it requisite to participate in the curling exhibition during the 2002 Salt Lake City Games. My best friend Stacey was in town from Canada with her sister, Heather. We decided to hit the Olympic Strip, which hosted oodles of entertaining booths and Olympic activities.

The Coca-Cola tent was the highlight of The Strip. Not only could you barrel down a miniature luge run but there were several interactive Olympic sports, including curling.

Remember? The Greatest Of All Winter Olympic Events.

As we waited for our turn, I tried to remain humble. Not only did I have inbred curling roots but I also participated in a semester-long class in high school.

If that didn't qualify me for Olympic greatness, I didn't know what would.

I was the first to throw my rocks down the ice towards the house. I made some quality shots and was immediately sent to stand on the gold-medal position of the podium to await the rest of the competitors. I fully expected to stay there.

Until Stacey went. In just a few shots, she knocked me down to silver. And then came Heather. In a seamless throw down the ice, she humbled both Stacey and me, claiming the gold medal. Suddenly I, the person with curling in my blood, was only bronze-worthy.

It got even uglier when a 7-year-old boy knocked me out of contention altogether. Me. The very offspring of curling itself.

In the end, he never actually claimed his medal; something about being knocked out by a curling rock.

Hey, what can I say? Tonya Harding isn't the only one with a few tricks up her sleeve....

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Thank you thank you thank you for all the wonderful support I have received for my bid to blog at the Olympics in the Microsoft Office Winter Olympics Contest. You may vote daily here until Nov. 29 and believe me, I need all the help I can get.

Special thanks to powerhouse bloggers Design Mom and Loralee for their generous mentions, and also the Denver Westword for running a Q&A.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Bonehead's Version of The 12 Days of Christmas

2009-11-24T07:30:00.000-07:00

I am in Canada this week for American Thanksgiving.

I know. I've always been a bit confused.

Last week was a frenzy of voting and downright begging for people to vote for me. In fact, I'm still doing so because the public can vote here daily until Nov. 29. In case you missed my announcement, I am 1 of 5 semi-finalists to blog at the Olympics for Microsoft Office. I even launched a "Just One Tweet" Whrrl campaign to get Ellen Degeneres to tweet for me.

Because she has, like 3 million followers on Twitter juxtaposed against my 3.

Since returning to my childhood home in Calgary, my frenzied pace has slowed down to being fed three meals a day and having in-house babysitters thrilled to play with their grandchildren.

I may never leave.

My husband remained in Denver for work and I'm always a bit worried when traveling alone with the children (for the reason why see one of my many family travel disasters). Shockingly, everything went smoothly and the only major mishap was when

CLICK HERE TO READ ON

Help me help Ellen DeGeneres help me get to the Olympics!!!

2009-11-19T04:20:00.002-07:00

Have you heard my news? I am ecstatic to be 1 of 5 semi-finalists in Microsoft Office's Winter Games contest. I would be thrilled beyond measure to be an accredited blogger at the 2010 Vancouver Olympics because winter sports are my passion!

I grew up playing street hockey with my brothers in my Canadian hood. When we came "of age" to enroll in community hockey I lined up with all my boys, fully expecting to join the team. I was absolutely sure this was my first step to becoming an Olympian.

Until I was turned away and told to enroll in figure skating.

Disclaimer: I have absolutely nothing against being a figure skater.

Unless you have speed-skating thighs and a killer slap shot.

Now, a different Olympic dream is coming to fruition. I not only need your daily vote (here) but I am soliciting THE Ellen DeGeneres as well! Click the image below to view my "Just One Tweet" campaign.

I take that back. Maybe my figure skating legs don't look too bad after all.

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Anyone ever had their water break at Einstein Bros. Bagels? I am over at Design Mom today talking all about it. Also, thanks to The Vacation Gals (one of my favorite travel sites for moms) for giving me an Olympic-sized shout-out. Thank you everyone for your support!

Amazing News--Help Me Win My Own Olympic Bid!

2009-11-17T04:30:00.002-07:00

I am notoriously unlucky.

I once went to France for a wedding, got lost en route and missed the entire celebration. The only contest I have ever won was the infamous Fred Seymour Elementary School Cakewalk.

And even then, I knocked my biggest competition out of the way when no one was looking.

That is why the news I recently received came as an absolute shock to me: I have been chosen as 1 of 5 semi-finalists in Microsoft Office's contest to blog at the 2010 Vancouver Olympic Games.

(Please excuse me while I pick myself up off the floor).

I entered on a whim when I saw a tweet about the contest on Twitter. Of course, as a notoriously unlucky person, I never imagined I had a shot amidst the thousands of entries.

Now, I have a 1 in 5 chance.

My love affair with the Winter Olympics began when I was a wee lassie growing up in Calgary. The Olympics came to town in 1988 and we lived and breathed everything about it. Our physical education curriculum was modified to include Olympic sports such as luge lessons at Canada Olympic Park. My family attended a number of events and we partied it up at Olympic Plaza every night for the medals ceremony. As an aspiring journalist, I dreamed of someday covering the Olympics.

Fast-forward 14 years. I worked as an adventure-travel writer and freelanced at Metro Networks radio when the 2002 Games came to Salt Lake City. I was thrilled with the prospect of my dream finally coming to fruition.

Until I got assigned to cover traffic.

I made the best of it. When not reporting transportation terrors, I attended evening concerts and numerous events, including the Canada vs. Finland hockey quarterfinals. Canada went on to win the gold. I made Olympic history when I dove across my maple-leaf-clad neighbor for a five-second spot on the Jumbotron.

We all have our Olympic moments.

Now, I would love to have another! Microsoft Office is sending one lucky female blogger to cover the 2010 Vancouver Olympic Games and this Denver mom needs your help. Public voting will start here TODAY and continue through November 29 .

Because this former cakewalk con artist would be honored to legitimately have my cake.

And eat it too.

You can vote every day, once per day at https://www.officewintergames.com. Thank you!

This Veteran's Day: Remember

2009-11-11T00:00:00.001-07:00

Veteran's Day is one of the things Canada does better than the United States. We call it Remembrance Day and I loved what an important part of our lives it was. At school, they distributed poppies for us to wear. We recited In Flander's Fields. And we remembered.

I had forgotten the significance of the poppy:

This is because the corn poppy was one of the only plants that grew on the battlefield. It thrives in disturbed soil, which was abundant on the battlefield due to intensive shelling. During the few weeks the plant blossomed, the battlefield was coloured blood red, not just from the red flower that grew in great numbers but also from the actual blood of the dead soldiers that lay scattered and untended to on the otherwise barren battlegrounds.

Of course, my dear husband never forgets a holiday.

Jamie: Today is Veteran's Day so I expect you to take really good care of me.

Me: Why? You're not a veteran.

Jamie: No, but I could be.

As bad as it gets

2009-11-10T00:00:00.001-07:00

Our church building is located on a large property with a beautiful grove of trees. People often hold wedding receptions there and church members are responsible for its maintenance. In the winter, we shovel. In the summer, we weed. And in the fall, we rake.

Leaves, in case you are not aware, are allegedly a great source of nutrients for some people's pumpkin patches.

As we were leaving church on Sunday, the kids and I started walking to the car while Jamie made a beeline in the opposite direction. At first, I had no idea what he was doing.

And then I saw the bags of recently raked leaves in the garbage.

Me (beckoning across the parking lot): "Jamie, you are wearing your suit. Get out of that dumpster!!!!"

Friend Dawn who was walking by at the time: "Are things really that bad at home, Amber?"

Me: "You have no idea."

My rivoting commentary on babies and b*oob jobs

2009-11-09T07:00:00.000-07:00

Has it really been almost a week since my last ~~confession~~ posting? I've been busy. Really busy. Busy not sleeping due to the blasted time change, busy wrangling children, busy with travel.

Yes, my friends I have been in Motown where I came face-to-face with $100,000 crash dummies.

Not to be confused with some of my former flames.

They would definitely not be worth that much.

So, come on over to Mile High Mamas and find out what babies and b*oob jobs have in common.

I promise it's not what you'd think.

The party's over

2009-11-02T10:20:00.001-07:00

Halloween a.k.a. my month-long party is over.

Well, month-and-a-half-long party if you count back to mid-September when I put out the decorations (much to Jamie's dismay).

In the end, we had really easy costumes: Bode wanted to be a firefighter (again) and Haddie opted for a bat. I simply resurrected the bodysuit from her kitty costume last year, found a pair of butterfly wings at the thrift store that I spray-painted black, styled her hair into bat ears and had Jamie make her a mask.

Cheapest Halloween ever.

We participated in our neighborhood's annual parade and the procession was led by a fire truck, perfect for the little firefighter himself.

And hung out with our neighborhood besties.

It was the first year the kids really got into trick-or-treating and wanted to venture beyond just our block.

Because they figured out more houses = more candy.

I did not approve of Haddie's choice to be a bat and cringed every time she made me do online research about them. She wanted to be a "mean bat" and was repeatedly annoyed when folks would comment how "cute" she was.

Bats are not cute, people. They are creepy, scary and ugly.

I mourned when I took down the decorations and lamented to Jamie, "Now that Halloween is over, what do I have to look forward to?"

Jamie: "How about Christmas? You know. Jesus' birthday."

Oh yeah. That.

Ever wonder where my Halloween obsession comes from? Checkout my parent's house in Calgary:

That picture is not even including the blow-up giant pumpkin on their lawn.

And my brother Jade's "Duct Man" costume this year.

Still searching for an explanation for this one.

This week in mommy blogger history

2009-10-28T16:15:00.002-06:00

So, we've been busy.

Getting snowed in with record-breaking snowfall and trying out the kids' new shovels.

Building snow caves.

And yes, we're in Colorado (though it looks a lot like Canada)

Playing with the newest addition to our family.

Making a Dry Ice Crystal Ball at our annual Halloween bash.

(And miraculously, I did not blow up the house).

Making "Incredibly" eerie ghost sounds with balloons.

(I learned all these cool science experiments at a Steve Spangler Science event I attended. Checkout Mile High Mamas Creative Corner for more fun ideas).

And just being cute.

(Hadley is second from the left and had long since removed her bat costume. Bode is a firefighter on the front row).

The in-laws rushed their move along and were thrilled to leave this week because they "did not want to move in winter."

Sucks to be them.

This is the week we've been dreading

2009-10-27T00:15:00.003-06:00

My in-laws are moving to Utah at the end of the week.

They have been an integral part of our survival since I moved to Denver seven years ago. When I had my children, my mother-in-law helped me in every way possible without ever overstepping her bounds.

When Haddie was little, she took her every Wednesday so I could have a break. My in-laws would watch our kids when Jamie and I wanted to go backpacking, on week-long cruises or just on a date night.

Basically, our life is over now.

Or at least it will suck as much as the rest of you who don't have family nearby.

On Saturday, my in-laws took the kids for the their final playdate and sleepover at their house. Jamie and I went on a date to new-to-us Purple Ginger Asian Fusion, snuggled in bed all afternoon watching football and then attended the Tennyson Center's '50s event benefiting the fight against child abuse. We attended with three beautiful bloggers and their greasy husbands.

Jamie was the only greaser who realized five minutes before we were supposed to leave he did not have a white T-shirt so he wore a gray one.

And then he refused to roll up his pants and grease his hair.

Basically, he was the worst greaser ever.

We called the evening "The Last Supper." Cuz it kinda was for us with the loss of our babysitters.

On Sunday, the children at church had their annual Primary presentation. Hadley gave a stirring performance with her memorized line, "Read the scriptures and have family home evening." She sat on the front row of the stage and proceeded to yawn, stretch, check for loose teeth and basically do anything that did not require being attentive.

That's my girl.

That night, we had Duane and Linda over for dinner and carved the children's pumpkin. We topped the evening off with pumpkin gingerbread and caramel sauce for dessert.

The rest of this week will be a frenzy of helping them pack, move and then mourn. A couple of weeks ago, I volunteered to spearhead their Craigslist furniture postings. They had several big-ticket items they wanted to sell like their piano, dining room set and kitchen table. I wrote eloquent posts, really I did. I made people want to buy up every last item.

So, imagine our shock when they did not have even once person call them all week.

"You've overpriced everything," we told them. So my father-in-law went back in and reduced the prices. We had already lost one week in their very small two-week window.

It was then that he realized one minor detail: I had listed the wrong phone number.

On Every. Single. Listing.

You see, there is this glorious little tool called a cut-and-paste. And when you include one incorrect fact, you are able to unknowingly duplicate it many times over.

That's what you get when you're entrusting the sale of valuable goods with a medicine-induced blond Canuck.

And yes, I am available for all your copywriting needs.

Pumpkin Lovers Unite (and indulge in my recipes)

2009-10-26T00:00:00.002-06:00

With Halloween upon us, my family is in the throes of Everything Pumpkin. While Jamie may be obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin, I am consumed with eating it.

I've always liked pumpkin pie but my obsession did not begin until I was pregnant with my daughter. Mid-October, I called home to my Canadian family as they were enjoying their Thanksgiving dinner.

Without me. The nerve.

When my mom mentioned they were eating pumpkin pie, it was then something ugly was triggered in that pregnant lady brain. It's tough to decipher but it was along the lines of this: Must. Eat. Pumpkin. NOW!

And I did. That very next day, my mother-in-law brought home one of Costco's glorious pumpkin pies and it was gone within 48 hours.

I don't even remember chewing; I think I must have inhaled it.

She shall hereby be known as The Enabler.

Most crazy pregnant ladies overcome their cravings but mine never went away. Fall is a trigger for eating pumpkin and my poor family has endured pretty much every pumpkin dish you can imagine.

Think I'm joking? I have made READ ON

Grumpy Old Woman

2009-10-21T15:41:00.000-06:00

Mom Canuck always said if you can't say something nice, don't say it at all.

Which is why I'm not saying much this week.

I had to postpone Haddie's annual Halloween bash because this plague is still leveling me and I haven't slept in days.

Does bronchitis feel like death? If so, I think I'm suffering from both.

Speaking of death, we were sad to hear of the passing of our friend (and bishop) Darrin's grandfather. Of course, he was likely in his late 80s and such a passing is to be celebrated. Since Jamie and I have been so near death the past few weeks, we discussed our ideal age to meet the grave.

Me: "I want to live until I'm 89. Only if I'm healthy, of course."

Jamie: "No way. 85 tops."

Me: "Yeah, you're right. You're going to be a grumpy old man."

Jamie (glaring at me): "I wonder why."

========================

On another note: what do you do when you're bored out of your mind and can't sleep all night?

The Monster Mash, of course.

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Note: Family Member #5 is the kitty that will be joining our family next week. That's blog fodder just waiting to happen.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

2009-10-20T00:00:00.000-06:00

So, we're still sick. Jamie's hospital X-rays finally came back, disproving the pneumonia theory and likely pointing in the direction of H1N1. Fortunately, we've survived the worst and are no longer I-can't-drag-my-body-out-of-bed kinda sick but more like the walking dead. We're back in school and life and are no longer contagious but the lingering cough and fatigue are pretty darn miserable.

Plus, we've been busy helping my in-laws pack for their big move next week, which ain't exactly helping in the Rest and Recovery process.

Of course life with The Children is never dull, especially when you have Hadley around who is the very antithesis of boring. While snuggled up before bedtime, we had the following conversation.

Me: I want to hear the best and worst things that happened to everyone today.

Jamie: The worst thing that happened to me was when Hadley ate my ice cream.

Me: Oh. Anyone else?

Hadley: My best thing was when I ate Daddy's ice cream.

When Your Boat Gets Rocked

2009-10-19T00:00:00.002-06:00

I grew up in the land of the "True, North, Strong and Freezing."

OK, so maybe I edited Canada's national anthem just a wee bit.

I love my hometown Calgary. I always will. When I left to come to college in the United States, a part of me knew I would never live there again. I was OK with that but every time I return home, something pulls at my heartstrings and I want to move back.

Until I endure a millisecond of their excruciatingly long winters.

My next love was Salt Lake City. I moved there after graduation and had the time of my life as a swingin' single. I ran mountain trails, backpacked the desert, dated a lot, found myself and established a great career as a publicist in Utah's travel and tourism industry.

And then I met Mr. Lord of the Gourds, my greatest love of all.

He lived in Denver and I fell in love with the packaged deal immediately. When we sat down to decide upon where we would live, three things sealed our fate: he lived in a fabulous city, had a great job and his wonderful parents were nearby. I packed up everything I had worked so hard to build in Utah and never looked back.

Until now. READ ON

A happy ending to a sad, sad tale

2009-10-14T12:49:00.010-06:00

The Johnson clan is FINALLY on the mend. Of course, we're not fully recovered enough to go on an epic backpacking trip this weekend to Coyote Gulch with friends Dave and Rebecca that we have been planning for MONTHS.

Serious bummer.

We barely left the house all week but braved the cold and snow to attend our town's scarecrow festival last Saturday. Like the mythical phoenix borne out of ashes, there was a happy ending to The Great Pumpkin Massacre of 2009. Haddie and Bode's pumpkin didn't have a leaf on it after the hail storm but it rebounded over the course of a month and Jamie finally got it to pollinate on August 31.

We only had about two weeks of good growing weather and Jamie cut it off the vine a few days before the competition. Or rather, I should say he dragged his sick family out in the cold and snow to witness the vine-cutting ceremony.

Because surely this momentous occasion could not have waited an extra hour for the snow to subside.

And The Great Phoenix Pumpkin's final weight? 85.5 pounds. This is 0.5 pounds bigger than Haddie's pumpkin last year with a growing season that was cut in half. It was starting to turn orange but was never on the vine long enough to fully convert. Some picture-perfect moments:

Father and daughter in their matching pumpkin geek hats:

Their pumpkin was the second biggest in the children's division. Haddie and Bode received a ribbon and they took home a $30 gift certificate. For some families, their trophy case looks like this.

Sadly, this is only a small sampling of ours.