Jen's Attic

Testing The Snake

2008-10-05T13:04:00.000-07:00

I feel for the little guy, I'm seeing snakes everywhere too!

I moved my website to a new server, and they have been fantastic! However, I do my Jenniferapodaca.com website myself (never a good idea,LOL) and I'm using an outdate Frontpage program, so there have been some hitches. All on my end, again, the new server is great.

So this is kind of a test post, I'm uh, testing the snake...okay, I'm stretching to make this post relevant to the picture!

My new site, www.jenniferlyonbooks.com is being done PROFESSIONALLY and will launch in January. My old website will be for my backlist and stuff like that. Still I am soooo out of my league.

So talk to me (assuming this post works, have any of you done any website stuff yourself? Or do you leave all things HTML to the professionals?

Contest Week At Murder She Writes!

2008-09-29T09:19:00.000-07:00

Hop on over to Murder She Writes and enter! We are launching a redesigned blog with five new authors next week. Each day this week, we are giving five hints about the identity of one of our new authors. All you have to do is put your guess in the comments, and if your guess is correct, you are entered in the contest!

Can't Find My Marbles!

2008-09-26T09:04:00.000-07:00

I usually try to blog here on Wednesdays, but suddenly, the days are getting away from me.

I'm just past the midpoint in my book. My brain cells are totally obsessed now. Weird thoughts wake me up at night, I keep worrying about what I'm forgetting, and obviously, I can't find all my marbles.

Good thing I have this kitty to help!

So when I write a book, I do three drafts. The first draft is a nightmare. My good friend, Maureen Child, gave me fantastic advice: Write the draft straight through. Maureen has written over 100 books, she knows what she's talking about.

I tried. I swear I did. I went back and put in notes for later revisions, and kept writing. When I hit the wall, I still tried to keep going.

Finally I gave in. I rewrote the first, I don't, 150 pages. Now I've passed the mid point and have a good feel for the book. I've come to realize my first draft is where all the heavy lifting is done. It's the way I work. The second draft is where I fix, move things around, flesh out conflict, turning points, etc. But while it takes me months to do a first draft, it usually only takes weeks to do the second draft.

My third draft is straight editing and looking for any problems I've missed. I can do that in a week or so, unless I find a Big Problem.

I'm rambling today, I know! So I'll come up with a better blog once I gather up all my marbles! Anyone else out there feel like they are losing their marbles?

A Few Pom Poms Short...

2008-09-18T08:33:00.001-07:00

Did you all hear the story about the 33 year old mother who stole her daughter's identity so she could go back to high school and be a cheerleader?

Does this look like a high school cheerleader to you?

First off, SERIOUSLY? No one noticed this woman wasn't high school age? Okay, let's put a 16 year old girl and a 33 year old woman together in a cheerleading tryout and NO ONE NOTICED THE DIFFERENCE??? I think the judges need glasses, laser surgery and perhaps they need a nice stay at a drug clinic, because I think I would have noticed.

But the most incredible, unbelievable part for me? Why would anyone want to go back to high school?

Okay, maybe it's just me. I hated high school. I graduated a year early at 16 to get out of high school and I have never looked back. Wanting to go back to high school at 33 suggests this woman is a few pom poms short, or put more delicately, she's nuts. She has to be. Why would anyone want to go back to high school?

Not me! Would you all go back to high school if you had the chance?

Got Cat?

2008-09-11T08:23:00.000-07:00

It took me a while to get onto the Cat bandwagon. Oh sure, I spend way too much time hanging out with the LOL Cats, but this is a whole different kind of cat.

I can't believe I didn't know about these books!

I picked up HOSTAGE TO PLEASURE by Nalini Singh while browsing in the bookstore. I put it down and then went back...her name was nagging at me. Where had I seen it?

Umm, EVERYWHERE evidently. How out of touch am I???

So I bought the book then started reading...love it! This is a paranormal about a Psy-Changeling world and I was captivated from page one. I loved the psi-heroine, and the changeling-hero who talked about his inner cat all the time and somehow made it sexy. His cat want to play, and oh boy, did I want to play with his cat! The book is sexy, and yet the sex (in this book) was fairly tame by my standards. I also was amazed by the world that Singh created. Fascinating!

Apparently this is book five, so now I have to go back and read the first four books.

Why am I always LATE to find these hot authors? I mean, how can I be so out of touch???

Have any of you read these Psy-Changeling books?

Laughter Made Me Do It

2008-09-04T09:00:00.000-07:00

Blogger and AOL ate my first post. It was probably boring anyway! But this is why when I launch my new blog in January, it will be in WordPress!

Okay so I had a gift card to Barnes and Noble and I went book shopping this weekend. I didn't have any particular books in mind, I was just browsing. I picked up THE DEVIL YOU KNOW by Jenna Black.

I bought the book based on this cover quote by Kelly Armstrong "An exorcist with attitude..." That made me laugh and I bought the book.

I can't remember ever buying a book off a cover quote. It wasn't the name...just that I laughed. It caught my attention. I mean who doesn't want to read about an exorcist with an attitude?

I haven't read the book yet, so we'll see if it the book lives up to it. But I learned something about myself--if something on the cover makes me laugh, I'm going to buy the book!

What about you all? What made you buy the last book you bought?

Authors Pulling Their Punches

2008-08-27T08:22:00.000-07:00

I finished a reading book this morning and was left feeling fiercely annoyed. This is the second book that did this to me and it's driving me crazy. The book I finished this morning was a romantic suspense, and the other one I'm thinking of was a contemporary romance. Both by well-known authors.

I am all for a happy ending. I love happy endings. But not when the author LIES to me.

Here's how it goes. Heroine has a deep secret, a secret so painful she doesn't talk about it. She just wants to live her life as best she can in spite of the secret. We admire her, we feel her vulnerability, we root for her! She's doing okay and along comes Hunky Hero. (I do love me a Hunky Hero!)

Nature takes it's course, and Hunky Hero gains our Heroine's trust, she's starting to believe she and Hero have a future. Maybe he can love her even though she has this dreadful secret.

The tension builds. We watch her struggle. Finally the Big Moment comes where she tells there hero the truth--she can't have a baby.

Hero is shocked, saddened, but he loves the heroine. We all sigh in relief. Look at that, two people can find love and happiness without perfection. Good, yes?

The author threw her punch and these two survived it!

Then comes the epilogue...and guess what? Suddenly, we find out it was all a big mistake and the heroine is pregnant!

Just like the kitten above, this is where I has a fierce! reaction to this. It's pulling your punch! It's setting up a conflict through three or four hundred pages, then in the last pages, saying, "Ha ha, just kidding, the conflict wasn't real."

I HATE THAT!

I believe in happily ever after. But I don't believe it pulling punches like that.

So what about you all? Does it bug you?

This and That

2008-08-20T14:18:00.000-07:00

Yes, I did, actually. To put it bluntly, I fell on my butt on the stairs.

Such grace...

That was Sunday morning, I'm feeling much better now. Just sore...and umm...stupid.

I lost a couple days of writing too which frustrated the heck out of me. But what can we do? Life happens.

Let's move on to BOOKS! I've read the first two books Linda Lael Miller's Mojo Sheepshanks series. LOVE IT! Mojo just amuses me. The two titles I've read are DEADLY GAMBLE and DEADLY DECEPTION. Anyone else read them?

Have any of you seen the Author to Author videos? If you haven't, go visit and watch the videos, they are a hoot!

As for me, I'm icing my back since I was feeling better today, I decided to do a few things, like dust, vacuum, bring in the trashcans...I overdid it a little bit. But still, I am better!

Writing and Gymnastics

2008-08-13T08:01:00.000-07:00

I'm working now, writing as many pages a day as I can.

I could really use this line-editing cat!

But for now, I'm writing crappy pages and moving on. I'm testing myself to see if I can write my first draft straight through. I am going to revise anyway, so I need to just keep going.

Have you all been watching the Olympics? I've watched very little. I tried to watch women's gymnastics the other night but I was getting a sore neck from cringing. Normally, I love watching gymnastics, but those poor girls were just having a bad night. I found myself so tense when made mistakes, and I felt so badly for them, that I finally just turned off the TV and went to bed.

Anyone else ever feel like that? Or is it just me?

To bring this back to writing, I used to cringe and feel for my characters when they made mistakes. Now? BWHAHAHAHA!!!! Sometimes, I actually laugh manically and say, "That's what you get! Teach you to make writing this story difficult!" Hmm, perhaps my characters are just a little too real to me???

Back from Conference!

2008-08-06T09:36:00.000-07:00

See this guy? That was me at the RWA Conference, only my caption would have read, "Please insert COFFEE here." I can sum up the conference in one word--exhausting. But I had a fantastic time! If you want to see a pic, go to Maureen Child's blog and scroll down to August 4th. You'll see me having lunch with my friends Maureen Child, Kate Carlisle and Michele Cwiertny

My first day in San Francisco, I went to the concierge and got a map to find the restaurant where my agent was having her party. It looked so easy, that I knew I could walk it.

In heels.

All would have been fine if I wasn't Directionally Challenged. I went the wrong way.

Twice.

Seriously, a ten minute walk took me 25 minutes and two major blisters.

Sigh. The problem was that I didn't give myself enough time to get acclimated and figure out geographically where I was. By the second day, I pretty much knew where I was. Mostly. From then on, it was a joke, "Jen can find it in just 3 tries!"

Overall I had a fabulous time, but now it's time to really get back to work.

Switching subjects here, I finished the second Stephanie Meyer vampire book in the airport before I left. I liked it. I have the third book on my shelf to read. I'm hearing rumors that some fans don't like the way the series ended up.

I understand that. It's fair. Not everyone will like it. Some will love it. That's the fun in books, we get to talk about them, agree and disagree.

What I don't understand? The snotty comment I read on a blog that said something along the lines of the only reason Meyers got published was because she was young and attractive. Uh, no. TWILIGHT was a fantastic book! She's a talented and obviously hardworking woman. Some people may not like her writing and that's fine. Some people love it. Those are all fair opinions. But it is not fair to make comments like she only published because she's young and attractive. That really ticks me off.

Can you tell?

As for me, I plan on reading all the books. Any thoughts from you all?

Time To Boogie On Up To San Francisco!

2008-07-29T15:19:00.000-07:00

Okay I had to title this to fit the picture! I'm leaving bright and early tomorrow for San Francisco and the RWA Conference! I am excited!

I have packed WAY too much, and I still feel like I don't have everything.

My husband is going to do that eye roll thing when he sees my suitcase.

Anyway, I am ready to go. I think.

We had some excitement here in So Cal... an earthquake. I happened to be sitting on the couch, and out of range of anything that might reasonably fall, so I just stayed there. It was pretty dramatic, a few things fell over, but basically everything was fine.

One of my sons was in a third story apartment and he said they couldn't stand up. It was obviously worse where he was. But he's fine now, just a little bit shaken up.

Anyway, I'm off to San Francisco!

Chatting and A Favor

2008-07-23T08:25:00.000-07:00

I've been absent from my blog. Sorry! But I'm posting this sweet pic to make up for it!

Ironically, when I launch the new blog in January, I've committed to posting five days a week for the first five weeks up to the launch of BLOOD MAGIC. But I think it's going to be a lot of fun.

I do have a favor to ask: I'm collecting witch jokes for my new blog, if you have any, please, PLEASE send them to me at Jenapodaca@aol.com I'd really appreciate it!

In other news, I'm starting the next book in the series, and the characters are being stubborn from page one. Nothing new about that. I'm also getting ready for the Romance Writers of America Conference in San Francisco next week. I suspect I am going to be under dressed, meaning that I won't be as polished and nice looking as I'm imagining everyone else will be. Sigh.

For any of you who are going to the conference, I will signing at the RWA Literacy Signing on Wednesday July 30th, so stop by and say hello if you're there. Pick up one of the post cards I had made up for BLOOD MAGIC!

I'm A Shameless Man Stealer!

2008-07-09T08:52:00.000-07:00

It's true! I stole this guy from the The Goddess Blogs If you want to hop over there, you'll need to scroll down to July 6th entry by Karen Hawkins. But seriously, how could I resist?

He's hot! And he's patriotic!

Sigh...so what was I going to talk about? Oh right, I'm reading a 2005 Young Adult Vampire book by Stephenie Meyer called TWILIGHT. My friend Michelle Thorne gave me this book. I'm about a half to two thirds through it and I now realize I have been missing out! This book is really different and captivating.

Yet there's an innocence to it too. In fact, I feel kind of WRONG for talking about this book next to a sizzling hot picture of a hunk. But it does kind of illustrate what I've been thinking as I read this book. I think the whole erotic market has been saturated and now readers are over it. Not that hot books aren't still selling, they are and I think they will continue to sell. But readers are demanding MORE that just sex and sexual tension. They want variety. they want choices. And if they choose to read a hot book, there'd better be a really good story there and the sex had better be a part of the story, otherwise, readers are bored.

I think I'll be reading more Young Adult books! But I'm still enjoying the scenery of a hot, patriotic man.

Cell Phone Roar...

2008-07-02T08:32:00.000-07:00

So here in California, we have a brand spanking new Hands Free While Driving Cell Phone Law.

The law is about as fierce as this baby panther. All growl, no substance. (Except this panther is adorable!)

I mean what's the point? People can still dial their phones, talk on their phones, text with their phones and be idiots.

People on cell phones drive me nuts. I've been cut off by them many times. Or seen them slow down to 40 miles an hour on the freeway because they are focusing on their conversation not driving.

I've seen the Blue Tooth Freaks waving their hands in their cars as they talk while their car swerves dangerously.

I think what it really comes down to is we just can't legislate common sense. I wish we could. But this law? I suppose it'll have some real teeth if someone on a cell phone causes an accident, but ONLY if they are holding a phone. If they are using a hands free device, then it's okay, I guess.

I dunno. What do you all think?

Scavenger Hunt and Other Stuff

2008-06-26T09:58:00.000-07:00

I love bunnies, particularly lop eared bunnies. We had a rabbit for years name Willy.

Okay, now that I got that out of the way, I wanted to let you all know about a Scavenger Hunter on MurderSheWrites. Click the Link and Go Scavenge! It's fun! There's a prize!

Plus we're having guest bloggers for the next couple weeks.

In other news, I've sent in my line edits to me editor. It wasn't particularly hard, but good grief, every time I worked on it, I was constantly interrupted by life. On one memorable day, the power kept going out. That makes me worry that one fair sized change I made won't be as smooth as it should be, but I have an excellent editor with a keen eye for detail, so I know she'll spot if there's a problem.

And finally, my youngest son just had his wisdom teeth out on Monday. He's nineteen and very self sufficient. I've flat out forgotten how much work it is to take care of someone! He's not a complainer at all, so I find myself hoovering and asking him every twenty minutes how he feels. My son is very patient about it, but it's making my husband laugh. But hey, middle son had his wisdom teeth out and developed one complication after another. I felt so bad for him and somehow guilty that I didn't prevent it from happening, that I'm doing everything I can to make sure it doesn't happen to this kid. Which is really Crazy Ass Mom Logic. But what can I say? I'm a mom...

So what's up with you all?

On A Bit Of A (Tired) Rant

2008-06-20T08:15:00.000-07:00

Did any of you read or see on the news about the pregnancy pact? A group of teenage girls in Massachusetts made a pact to get pregnant and raised their kids together.

17 girls got pregnant.

Now the usual controversies bubble to the surface:
-the schools are to blame
-more birth control and education should be available
-low self esteem
-put the fathers in jail (for statutory rape)
-blame the movies (Juno and Knocked Up)

It's all so tiring. But here's a thought--start paying attention to your kids! Did no one notice their daughter's friends all getting pregnant? Or their son's friends all becoming daddies?

I don't have daughters, only sons, but I noticed when their friends either got pregnant or became a dad. We had conversations. And by the way, the conversation was NEVER about how that other boy or girl was a bad kid. EVER. Very nice, responsible kids sometimes make a poor or hormonal decision and end up pregnant.

Everyone makes an occasional poor decision. My kids, their dad and I talked about that too, and about how integrity is stepping up and doing the right or best thing to handle the consequences.

I'm so glad my sons are grown men now.

Now to move this in a little different direction: Should be blame entertainment for decisions our kids make? Is Jamie Lynn Spears setting a trend of teenage pregnancies? I don't know. I usually believe that entertainment responds what's happening in the world rather than creating the environment.

In the end, though, I think parents and family have a bigger influence on kids than entertainment.

How about you all? Any thoughts?

This and That

2008-06-11T11:40:00.000-07:00

GRRR! I have tried repeatedly to get a picture onto this blog. It just won't do it.

Do any of you visit LOL Cats? They are here http://icanhascheezburger.com/ it's a great way to waste hours!

On my website, I have a fun interview with Jennifer Lyon. You can see it here http://jenniferapodaca.com/Meet_Jen_Lyon.htm . I'm in the planning stages of a new blog (in place of a website at jenniferlyonbooks.com) that will launch probably late this year. Any and all suggestions welcomed! You guys can email me at Jenapodaca@aol.com if you want to send suggestions privately. Tell me what you enjoy seeing on blogs.

And lastly today: Rereading old favorite books. I don't reread a lot, but I decided to reread one of my all time favorites, Jule Garwood's THE LION'S LADY. The book still rocks, I just love the story. It stood the test of time, although by today's standards, I did find the writing a bit amateurish but it didn't stop me from reading in all in a day!

What about you all, do you reread of favorites?

Letter to Shameless Tease...

2008-06-04T10:43:00.000-07:00

Dear Ms. Kresley Cole,

Thank you for writing your Immortals After Dark Series. But after reading several of these books, the latest being DARK NEEDS AT NIGHT'S EDGE, I'm afraid that I have come to the conclusion that you, Madam Author, are a shameless tease.

You know what I'm talking about. I looked at your author photo at the back of the book, and sure, you appear to be a lovely and smart woman.

When, in fact, you are a tease.

A Shameless Tease.

Seriously, a vampire and a ghost? Do you know how this book taunted me? From the first page, I was captivated by this story. A lonely, but feisty ghost and a crazed vampire? First, you made me believe in their emotional chemistry.

But then you made me BELIEVE IN THEIR HOT, SIZZLING SEXUAL CHEMISTRY.

Do you see where I'm going with this? How are they going to get physical when the heroine IS A GHOST? His hand passes right through her!

Talk about frustration! MINE!!! I wanted these two tortured souls to have a little comfort (as in super hot sex) and you made the heroine A GHOST! I had to keep turning pages to find out if these two could ever be together.

I turned A LOT OF PAGES! Faster and faster until FINALLY...

Well never you mind, Ms Kresley Cole. I, too, know how to be a Shameless Tease.

Sincerely,
A Very Satisfied Reader

A Quickie Post

2008-05-30T08:08:00.000-07:00

How cute is this guy? And that reminds me, I've announced this on my website and MurderSheWrites blog, but I forgot to do it here. I will be writing my paranormals (BLOOD MAGIC, release March 2009) under Jennifer Lyon.

Eventually I'll get a new website up on JenniferLyonBooks.com I'll probably start a new blog, something much more fun. Hot men, witch jokes, contests, etc. If I can free up enough brain cells to get all this planned and designed.

If you all have any ideas to make a new blog fun, speak up!

Me? Stressed?

2008-05-15T08:13:00.000-07:00

I'm working on the revisions of BLOOD MAGIC spending long hours at the computer. It can, at times, be daunting. But I put Nora Robert's chat from last summer's Romance Writers of America Conference on my iPod and listened to her while walking. She said one thing that totally resonated with me:

"I. Will. Win."

She went on to explain that she will wrestle every book she writes until it works.

Nora Rocks! And that is my motto now. I am wandering around the house saying, "I'll win! You'll see, this book won't beat me!"

My husband smiles and nods, "Whatever you say, Jen."

Then my older son was home for Mother's Day and I was telling him that I couldn't sleep because I kept hearing my character's talking. He pipes up, "Dad do you know mom hears voices?"

My husband looks at me.

"Hey! I became a writer to give the voices something to do. Back off."

They all burst out laughing.

At me.

Whatever.

Then my youngest son, who is 19, got a book in the mail. The doorbell rang and I heard a package drop. I ran out and saw a Barnes and Noble box on the ground. AWESOME! I pick it up and it's addressed to my son.

Bummer.

So I give it to him and he shows me the book. A biography of some hip hop rapper dude. I know who it is, but I'm not going to say because of the following. The next day my son says, "Mom you can read the book when I'm done."

"Will I like it?"

My son takes a second and says, "It's no worse that all the stuff you write and read."

"Hey!"

He laughed, went into his room and closed the door. I could STILL hear him laughing. I walked right into that one.

So tell me what's going on with you all?

Revisions...A New Marathon!

2008-05-08T08:01:00.001-07:00

The last three weeks was painting.

Now it's revisions and my buddy here, Frank, is keeping me company while I keep my butt in the chair working to revise BLOOD MAGIC.

I've never thought of myself as a Marathon Girl. The word marathon makes me think of running, and I don't run. Not unless something really big and ugly is chasing me, or something scaly and slithery--EWWW--I hate snakes. But back to the point--I'm starting to realize that I like the challenge of Marathons and I love the feeling of accomplishment when I finish it.

But I don't like it at the beginning of the book. For that first half, I am SLOWWW. It just takes me a while to create the world. But once I hit the middle to two thirds, then the pace picks up considerably.

I guess that makes me a Part Time Marathon Girl. Hmm, maybe I should take up part time running? NOT! So not running! I used to run on the treadmill many years ago but it never got me anywhere...LOL!

Okay so your turn, do you all like Marathon Work? Or are you more the slow and steady types?

Finished Painting!

2008-05-04T14:49:00.000-07:00

It took us three long weekends, about 7 or 8 days! Here's a couple pics. The house is a mess of course!

This is hubby painting the living room walls--huge walls with cathedral ceilings:

And this one is of me when we finished! I was just touching up with the brush.

We had HOURS more of cleanup to do and putting back furniture, but we are all finished. Maybe I'll post a picture or two of finished walls later this week--if I get time. Now I have to concentrate on revisions for BLOOD MAGIC.

First Week At The Gym

2008-04-30T10:16:00.000-07:00

In honor of the fact that I'm skipping the gym while trying to paint the house--no we're still not done--here's a joke my sister sent me about a woman foolish enough to actually go to the gym. Enjoy!

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter purchased a week of personal
training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great
shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I
decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I
called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named
Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model
for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my
enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to
chart my progress.

MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was
well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for
me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes
and a dazzling white smile. She's so much fun! I think I have a new friend. Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching
the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout
today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then
she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I
made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT -!! It's a whole new life for me.

_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.

_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her
thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a
half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking,I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
_______________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

________________________________
SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun --like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

I Blame the Home Design Shows...

2008-04-21T09:10:00.000-07:00

I love House Hunters, and I love some of the other home design shows. I started watching them when I had a minor medical procedure done over the summer and got hooked.

This is a BAD thing. A very BAD THING.

Then I got my husband watching some of the shows with me.

It started with Stainless Seduction. All those pretty shiny appliances.

Now I have a stainless microwave, stove and dishwasher. My old ones needed to be replaced! Honestly! Hubby and I shopped for months until we found what we wanted at a price we could live with.

Harmless right?

Bwahahaha!!!

Have you ever noticed all those two-toned walls in those design shows? The darker walls and white trim? And the Realtor or home designer always says things like, "Paint is cheap!" or "Painting is an easy fix!"

They are LIARS and they should be arrested for FRAUD! And personal injury.

Why?

Because this weekend, we decided we should start painting our house. We did it before, over ten years ago, so surely we can do again. Right?

We spent a day doing all the trim work. So far so good...then my husband rolled the bathroom walls.

Holy Crap! The paint was DARK. It looked beautiful in the bathroom, but the whole house?

Hubby and I crawled in the jacuzzi that night and regrouped. First we tried to talk ourselves into painting the whole house the dark color, but finally we found a way to do a little color correction. The next morning, we put the corrected color on the wall and loved it. We spent the rest of the day painting and didn't stop until nine that night. Then more painting on Sunday.

Sounds like we got the whole house done, right?

WRONG! We still have the master bedroom, bath and entire downstairs left to paint.

And OMG! In the last decade, I have AGED. This morning, when I tried to get out of bed, my knees refused. Flat out refused. My hands are swollen from painting...never mind, I don't need to list all my aches and pains.

But the freshly painted walls look fantastic! I love them!

The rest of the walls are taunting me, "Paint me! Please! Don't leave me like this! Come on, you weenie, shake if off and PAINT!"

Sigh. And this morning, I'm waiting for the plumber to get here to fix a leak under the bathroom sink. The leak one of my darling sons didn't think the mention to me.

Once the plumber is gone, I am going to dive into my book. If I can get deep enough into writing my book, I can ignore the unpainted walls!

Maybe. Okay probably not.

Anyone else think these designer shows are dangerous?

2008-04-09T13:22:00.000-07:00

This picture doesn't mean anything, I just like it! It's a graveyard at night. Very moody.

So I went to my doctor's today. This man KNOWS me. "I'm feeling fine, the RA is very well controlled."

With a blank expression, he said, "Let's have a look."

I sign and climb up on the table. He tries to flex my knee and hip. "Your knee is tight."

"I think I was just shifting my weight." Seriously, I said this. I mean I was shifting my weight, but it was because my knee wouldn't bend all the way.

He gave me THE LOOK. "This kind of resistance is typical for people who have arthritis."

I gave in. "Okay, fine. My knee was bothering me yesterday. I think I over did on Monday with walking and going to the gym. But I didn't walk or go to the gym yesterday. It's better today so I went ahead and walked this morning."

SMIRK. "Stay on the meds. Don't try to lower the dosages."

He totally knew what I was going for! Dang.

Then we had a conversation about my elbow which cracked me up. I told him that my husband talked me into painting the house ourselves. Actually my husband wants to paint it HIMSELF but I can't let him do that. So I asked if I should do another cortisone shot in my elbow so I can paint. He said, "Yes, but do it about three days before you start painting. Then wear your brace and..." STERN LOOK "..."pace yourself. You should be able to paint just fine." Then my oh-so-serious-doctor added, "Then you can tell your husband you helped him and ask him what he's going to do for you."

I laughed, then confessed that he does stuff for me all the time so I am just happy to help.

He shook his had sadly. Clearly I was missing a golden opportunity.