Blog of a Mother

Barnes and Noble

2009-10-25T17:52:00.002-04:00

Well today was another kind of experiment. I figure in order to help Mikey handle social situations better, it might first be easier to take him somewhere he ACTUALLY WANTS TO GO. So at least we'd start out on the right foot.

The Patriots game was finally being televised this week so I figured that would be a good time to get the kids out of the house so Jason could watch it in peace. As long as he texted me every time someone scored (which he did).

I started out last weekend talking to Mikey about it (because no matter how much he may want to do something, if you tell him about it 5 minutes before you plan to leave it's not gonna go well) and letting him know exactly what the plans were.

"We're going to go to Barnes and Noble. They have cookies and hot cocoa. They also have lots of computer books and magazines. Maybe you can pick one out if you like." I originally intended to just be me and Mikey but Heather heard me and immediately it was "I wanna go too!!! I wanna go too!!" and so yeah. She came too.

As the week progressed I added on Walmart so I could get the kids Halloween costumes. Mikey seemed fine everytime we we talked about it. And today was the big day.

To be honest, Mikey far exceeded my expectations for his behavior and how much he could handle. While it was quite obvious his anxiety levels were extremely high, he never misbehaved and only rarely asked me when we were going home. He was pretty much attached to my hip and wanted Heather attached to his, wouldn't touch anything (except his food and that was after I assured him it was fine), couldn't handle Heather doing anything I didn't directly tell her to (no ideas of her own lol) and overall would have appeared to be a mess to an outsider.

But since I know him and I know exactly how he is, I thought he was doing AMAZING. We went to the kids section for a while and Heather picked something out and played with a few toys. We went by the computer books section and the magazine section but Mikey couldn't find anything he wanted. I myself found a hardcover Nora Roberts novel I hadn't read yet for $7 so I grabbed that. And we went to the cafe where Mikey got a big pretzel and hot cocoa and Heather got a huge sprinkle cookie and we chilled there for a while to eat.

At Walmart we found a costume for Heather but Mikey only wants to be one thing and of course, Walmart didn't have it. Even still he was in good spirits and I grabbed a few small groceries and headed home, considering the outing a success.

Here's a few pics!

Separation Anxiety: An Experiment

2009-10-23T16:55:00.002-04:00

Although not diagnosed, separation anxiety falls under a Autism/Asperger's diagnosis and there's no doubt Mikey has it. He hates leaving the house. Yes, it's partly related to his computer but I can even send him to his room and he will read, play with toys and entertain himself for hours (as evidence by several sleepless nights this week that I will get into shortly).

And he also hates to be away from me or Jason, although it seems to be mostly me, I can leave him home with Jason and he's fine. But say, I walk out of the room to do laundry or something and he suddenly realizes I am not in view, he'll start calling for me, jumping up, trying to make sure I am still somewhere in the house.

You cant have anything on near him that involves crying, yelling, injury, death, etc etc. He immediately starts to freak out and even if its a movie and we try to tell him its not real, he's not satisfied. Needless to say, I read the news online because I can't play it when he's awake. He obsessed over Michael Jackson's death for weeks.

He was recently thrilled when I got on Yahoo on my new phone (I got internet free for a month) and messaged him from Walmart. Constant contact with Mommy.. what could be better?

However an area we have struggled with for SO LONG and currently is in some of its worst stages is one I never connected to separation anxiety. His sleep. It's long been an issue due to the stimulant he takes in the morning but even with the pill, he was often up way longer than we wanted, constantly calling me from the bedroom, telling me he can't sleep right away. We'd just go round and round and round till he either eventually passed out, I laid down with him or we let him come out to the couch to sleep.

On those occasion where we let him come out here in 99% of the cases he was sound sleep in minutes. After hours of arguing. Jason and I would make note of it to each other but didn't think about it much past that.

As I felt his nighttime meds were wearing off we started him on something new. It helped his appetite greatly but there were several nights he was up till 2 am or later with us fighting him the whole time. When I would finally go lay down with him, he'd fall asleep. We changed meds AGAIN and same issues. I had to keep him home from school Monday for him being up so late. But he was up just as late that night and I sent him Tuesday anyways, hoping to wear him out.

He did sleep. Around 10:30 or so. Same deal this week. Argue and fight until I laid down with him or he came out here and then BAM.. asleep.

So today I am reading more about Separation Anxiety and came across this:

Persistent reluctance or refusal to go to sleep at nighttime without being physically close to adult loved ones

Well now. Really? /smack in the forehead

So tonight I am trying an experiment. I am just going to start him off out here. I only watch tv shows one night a week so the living room will be mostly dark, only the dining room light on. I dont raid again till Monday so I wont be talking. I wanna see how long it takes him to fall asleep if I let him sleep out here to begin with.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Developmental Ped Checkup

2009-09-23T16:53:00.002-04:00

Mikey had his quarterly checkup with the Developmental ped today. He hasnt changed any in height or weight which is good (although he IS at 10% for BMI.. tall for his age but slightly below average for weight).

Today we saw the nurse practitioner who was a very nice woman who asked ALOT of questions. She even had Mikey take an anxiety questionnaire, half of which he did himself and the other half she asked him directly.

I have had concerns about his anxiety for quite some time now. Some things he can be talked thru, others are just flat out not getting past him. Social situations are the worst, bad enough recently that he has gotten himself worked up enough to throw up.

He did this at the last family birthday party at Jeremy and Wendy's house after we'd been there a while. During this time I couldnt get him to interact with anyone, talk to anyone or do anything other than cling to me. Well, I think I did manage to get him to say congratualtion to Wendy and Amber on their pregnancies but thats about it. I think the situation as a whole was just too much. The house is smaller than where we usually attend, and so even the same amount of people seem like more; everyone is talking to each other and *gasp* occasionally people even want to talk to HIM. He just shuts down. He can't even wrap his head around the situation much less answer questions.

The next time was our park visit a few weeks back. We had no sooner gotten there and given Mikey a french fry when he started throwing up. I got that under control and we continued with the visit. Heather playing with a little boy and having fun, Mikey sitting next to me asking when he could go home and get back on his computer. The difference here? Towards the end Mikey actually got up and started playing on some equipment on his own. He didn't interact with anyone, but he DID play and that's a big step?

The differences in those situations? One obviously is the amount of space around Mikey. I am sure he didn't feel quite so closed in and forced to cooperate at the park. (not saying anyone forces him to cooperate, but he may feel MORE forced in a smaller setting with lots of people).

Also I let him decide what he wanted to do. I didn't pester him. If he wanted to sit next to me the whole time, so be it. My ONLY goal for that outing was to get him out of the house. I had no expectations of him actually participating. I think by not placing too many demands on him he was able to relax and loosen up enough to play some at the end. Something I intend to remember at future gatherings.

These are just a few of the anxiety issues we deal with. In the test she had him take he scored low on physical anxiety but she thinks that is more than likely because with Asperger's, he doesn't recognize what he's feeling or dealing with or the different words that may be used to describe it.

Social anxiety he scored above average (duh). And separation anxiety was off the charts. Again, not surprising in the least. At one point she attempted to take him to a room right across from ours to do the test at a little table and he was freaking, although we did get him calm once he realized he could look up at any time and see me.

So she wanted to try him on a new sleeping medication. I had told her what Mikey is currently taking had its ups and downs. She put him on Remeron which is supposed to help with appetite and anxiety in addition to sleeping. I plan to start him on it tomorrow.

Hopefully I will see a few changes, appetite especially but socially as well.

Adam

2009-09-05T22:01:00.003-04:00

Today my Dad picked me up for some father daughter time that I remarked I didn't believe we had had since before Heather was born!

He took me to the restaurant of my choice (Olive Garden yummy!) and then we walked around the Winter Park village a little while until it was time to head into the theatre.

I knew this movie was gonna be rough from the time Dad first sent me the trailer. In reality it was a little like being emotionally backhanded.. hard.

Adam is a 29 yr old man with Asperger's Syndrome. In this movie he meets Beth, an NT (neurotypical) young woman for whom he develops an attraction and she with him. The movie focuses mostly on Adam and the social issues he has, with the relationship being the secondary plotline (to me anyways.. but it's also possible I viewed it that way because of Mikey).

I am honestly not sure I have ever had a harder time with a movie. From the opening scene till the end I think I was on the verge of crying 75% of the movie. The actor himself deserves an award for his unbelievably accurate portrayal of Asperger's. From the erratic eye contact to the difficulty expressing himself to the animated and run together sentences on a topic he was passionate about..Spot on.

There may be some spoilers past this point so stop reading if you plan to see this and don't like them.

I have always felt sympathy for people who got emotional during movies that touched on some major issue in their lives; cancer...suicide...rape.. etc etc. I didn't feel what they felt but I knew it must be hard. I was wrong. It's agonizing.

The scene where Adam slams his head against a mirror I had to close my eyes and just breathe. The scene where he covers his ears and starts melting down because he doesn't wanna move; where he lashes out at Beth because she lied to him.

The look on his face as he contemplates the thought of a social situation.. his anguish at being unable to make himself do something she's asked him to do. I wanted to reach thru the screen and hug him so many times.. and all I could think of was Mikey.

Was the movie all sad and anger? No. There were a number of funny scenes.. heartwarming scenes. So many times where I would chuckle because I could SO see Mikey doing that. But the future is always on my mind. I wanna be there for him.. help him. That's why I read every account of adult's with Asperger's I can find. And that's why I saw this movie. So I can understand him as much as possible and help him grow.

Anyone who has someone on the autism spectrum in their lives should see this movie, in my opinion. I would love for everyone in Mikey's life to see it (and thank you Granny and Grampy.. I love you guys so much). If the only thing you come away from this movie with is a realization of what it's like for my kid and thousands of others like him, then I am happy.

It didn't exactly end how I expected but instead, it ended better. With Adam in a better place than he had been. And Beth was reponsible for a large majority of that. If Mikey ends up where Adam does one day, I can rest easy.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

2009-07-15T21:59:00.002-04:00

I was fortunate that Jason is on vacation this week so that I was able to go see this movie on opening day. I have been excited for weeks!

There will be spoilers here so if you have only ever watched the movies (and don't already know whats coming) you may wanna stop here!!

My only real disappointment with the film is that it's just impossible to fit the entire book into 2 1/2 hours. So much happened before Harry ever got to school this year and that was briefly skimmed thru. I feel like if I hadn't read the book I'd be clueless as to what was going on but that's probably not the case, I am just sensing what's missing.

I think that given time constraints they did everything they could to get the important parts in but I MUST say.. I am thrilled Book 7 will be two movies so that hopefully more of the last book will be able to be shown on screen.

As for the movie itself? I thought it was great. Casting never ceases to amaze me.
Luna, one of my favorite characters, was wonderfully cast by Evanna Lynch and played to a T. She got a considerable amount of screen time this movie which I was pleased with (moreso than poor Neville).

Another big casting favorite of mine was Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix Lestrange.

She is brilliant as the slightly deranged follower of Voldemort and nails the performance.

Casting I didn't see coming? Jessie Cave as Lavendar Brown.

She wasn't who I pictured at ALL the the love struck admirer of Ron but seeing it in action I felt alot better with the choice. She's a very pretty girl and did the ditzy affectionate role justice.

The camaraderie between the trio was there as always.

You wanted to cry with Hermione as Ron runs off with Lavendar and you cheered when he said Hermione's name is his sleep.

You clapped with the crowd as Ron got every catch in the Quidditch game. You felt your heart melt a little as Ginny kissed Harry in the Room of Requirement. Here's what I didn't understand though (and another casting win). How did Hermione NOT think Cormac Mclaggen (potrayed by Freddie Stroma) was a complete and total BABE??

Are you kidding me?? He's flat out yummy.

Anyways all in all my only complaint again is how much had to be cut out. The scenes were done well, graphics were great, all the actors did their roles wonderfully. I could have done with less of the Burrows burning down and more shirtless Mclaggen but hey, I am not the director.

The scene that sent chills up my spine and goosebumps all over was after Dumbledore died.. and Harry ran back to be at his side. And one by one... well.. you'll see. I wont ruin that one for you. Just remember I told you about it here first.

Autism Friendly Showing of HP6!!!!

2009-07-13T16:46:00.002-04:00

Seriously, you have NO idea how happy this makes me.

Autism Friendly Showing of Half Blood Prince at AMC Theaters

Now, this is not a movie I'd take Mikey too anyhow. Its much too harsh for him, and he doesn't separate reality from fantasy well at all yet.

But it's the point. The fact they are doing this is amazing. I am SO thrilled because it opens up the doors for similar showings with different movies. There's just really not words to express how much hope this gives me for kids with autism everywhere. Look... people are changing for you.. instead of making you change for them. Rock on.

And in other news, Mikey got two cavities filled Thursday. Some of you may remember the traumatic experience earlier this year that left us both in tears when a dentist attempted to do this with Mikey and was IMO way to harsh on him. I decided to go the sedation route because it just seemed way too much for Mikey to handle and I was not going to put him in a strait jacket like the dentist suggested (you're freaking kidding me right? Do parents DO that???)

So we finally got him in Thursday and it went wonderful. They had him drink some loopy medicine and we hung out in the waiting room for 30 mins then I took him back. They sealed up his four permanent teeth first, got a nitrous oxide supply going in his nose, numbed, shot up and filled first the big cavity then a small one.

Mikey did great. They let me stay the whole time and most of it I was at the head of his chair so he could always see me. I did not think they would let me do that so I was very grateful. They were wonderful with him, so attentive, praising him, patient.. it was worth the arm and a leg we are paying for it. I just pray we can keep his teeth clean enough to NOT need to do this again (well except for the 3rd we have to fill in August).

And in even BETTER news, a few weeks back I found out my stepsister Amber is pregnant. She'll be having a little girl due in November. And just yesterday at the family summer birthday party, I found out my SIL (stepbrother's wife) is also pregnant, due in February. So TWO cousins for my kiddoes in a matter of months. Wendy says shes having a boy based on the Chinese Birth Calendar. I guess we'll see!

So.. Aunt AnnMarie? Aunt Annie? Auntie Ann? I cant decide...

4th of July

2009-07-05T19:20:00.002-04:00

We had a pretty decent 4th of July. Up until the very last minute I hadn't decided whether we would go to an event they hold every year at out local park or not. Finally I decided to go, even if just for a few hours. It was hot and supposed to rain but I figured it's 5 minutes up the road if we needed to leave.

Plus.. getting Mikey out of the house and away from his computer is always a good thing.

So I told my Mom and she met us up there. They had lots of games for kids, bounce houses, coloring tents, water balloon tosses and more. There was music and tons of food.

It was hot but very breezy so not too bad. The kids played soccer with a ball Heather brought, we bought them a slice of pizza and some juice and we walked around, checking things out and getting freebies.

Finally we decided to go as Mikey was lamenting the fact that it was past 7 and he had not yet had his 7 o'clock snack and Heather wore herself out with sheer brattiness.

Once home we turned on the TV and PBS was airing their annual 4th of July concert near the state capital. When we turned it on they had Sesame street characters singing patriotic songs and the kids and I danced and sang along with them.

Then, they brought out the Jersey Boys. I was very interested in this seeing as how my Dad recently saw and reviewed Jersey Boys in his blog and it sounded wonderful.

They did a number of songs including "Walk Like a Man", "Sherry", "Oh What a Night" and more. The best part? The kids were dancing and singing along with me here too. Mikey kept asking me about them and I told him everything I knew. I told him he should ask Granddad about them too :P.

Once this was over we took the kids outside and let them watch both the fireworks from the park and ones our neighbors across the street were doing in their driveway. Mikey did very well with them but reached his capacity for stimulation in about 20 minutes and went inside. Heather stayed the whole time, laughing and jumping up and down yelling about how much she LOVED fireworks.

I got both kids to bed sometime after 9 and then spent a quiet night (ok, not so quiet with fireworks still going off) reading Forever Odd, the second in a series of "odd" books by Dean Koontz. I finished that today and am looking for the 3rd, hopefully the library has it (or Dad?).

In any case, had a very good holiday, hope you all did as well.

R.I.P. Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T19:09:00.004-04:00

It was a pretty unexpected shock yesterday to find out Michael Jackson had died. Jason called me from work telling me a coworker had told him he'd heard a few reports and wanted me to look and see what I could find on the computer.

The CNN front page reported a cardiac arrest and coma. When I clicked on the actual link however, it had changed to death.

I myself was never a huge fan of MJ but you have to admit he was an amazing performer who will be long remembered. Personally I never really believed all the bad things that were spread about him, but I guess you never know.

This is probably my favorite Jackson 5 song. My Dad played it alot as I was growing up and the first few notes already had you tapping your feet and bobbing your head.

Mikey's Birthday and More

2009-06-14T14:33:00.003-04:00

First things first, I know I should have posted this sooner but I have been having problems with my video card. It used to only manifest itself playing WoW (bad frame rate drops here and there) and got progressively worse till I couldnt raid anymore (you cant do anything at 1-2 fps.. you just cant).

Then there were the frequent times my monitor just went out. That sucked.

Turns out it had gotten so hot the fan on my card had melted off.. well the two pieces securing it in place had. I zip tied it back on (no laughing.. just dont). But it still had problems. I found out it was barely running. And sometimes flat out stopped.

I ended up buying a small personal fan and pretty much setting it right ON my video card. Amazingly that has done the trick so far. I have been able to raid again but I have been careful being on during the day. See this is pretty gheto and I can't afford a new video card right now so I am hoping this holds out until I can.

THAT'S why it has taken so long to post this.

Moving on..

Mikey's birthday was pretty low key. Since Mikey is such a stickler for celebrating ON the actual birthday, we took him to Chuck E Cheese. We hadnt been in forever and Jason's Mom had sent Mikey some birthday money So away we went. Mom met us there with some cupcakes and we had a very good time. Mikey got some new clothes from Grandma, and we had a good time playing games and eating pizza.

Afterwards we took Mikey to Toys R Us and let him pick out some toys. He got two new light sabers and a new Bionicle. Of course we had to buy Heather something too so we got her a new ball she wanted.

Then we battled traffic back home so Jason could get to work.

Here's some pictures both of CeC and Mikey's awards from a few weeks ago

And in other news. I hate my bank. They just took $100 from us because of that stupid rule about holds and authorizations. Let me lay this out for you and you tell me what you think.

Thursdays we had two things go on hold, for CEC and for gas. They considered that money gone even though TODAY they still have not actually hit my bank.

Thursday 3 things actually did hit my bank. Which we had the money to cover. But since those OTHER two things were on hold they bounced all three of them. Two small things, one big, of course they took the big one first.

So I got charged $100 for things that had they money to be covered if they werent considering my 'on hold' items already gone. ANd like I said, those still have not actually hit my bank (and since Jason got paid Friday, there's money for them now too).

Does that make ANY kind of stupid sense? Do we really have $100 to lose. No. Jason got some OT this week luckily and I thought "hey some extra money" for like.. maybe a video card (more than likely would have gone to the kids but I can dream). But now, no extra money.

Yeah, we got food, we got bills paid, we got gas... but shit $100 is a lot to us. However this has spurred me to find a new bank. One that doesn't consider the money out of your bank account till it's actually out of your bank account. Doesn't that not seem fair?

I got a postcard last week about getting $100 if you open a checking account and add direct deposit with Washington Mutual. I threw it away cause I wasn't expecting to hate my bank so soon. I am gonna call them tomorrow, see what THEIR policy is on holds and perhaps I can get in on that deal and make that $100 back.

But if you have one of those cards by any chance and wont be using it, I would love to have it just in case they need some code to make it happen.

So it's like.. my birthday and shit....

2009-06-01T01:22:00.003-04:00

34 sucks...

Well I have only been 34 90 minutes but I dont like it. If I didn't still get carded for beer I might emo and kill myself.

Sorry, guildmates rubbing off on me.

Its not that bad. My Dad and stepmom asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I asked for printer cartridges so I can print coupons and save more money. They got what I wanted.. plus a gift certificate for Amazon that I used to buy two books I wanted.

Love you guys.

My Mom took Mikey yesterday and came back with him today. She had got me a GT Express 101 which I very excited about trying. In a surprise I wasn't expecting, she brought along a gift my brother had bought me before he left, a unicorn figure. It's beautiful.

Jason got me a new pair of sunglasses. It sounds dumb but I told him I didn't want him to get me anything and he did anyways... cause... if I don't lose sunglasses I break them. So... now I have a new pair lol.

My favorite gift so far... is from Mikey. My Mom had him write me a card about why he loves Mommmy. I laughed and cried... here lemme type it out. This is ALL HIM word for word.

The Things I like best about my Mommy are:

1) I love her very much
2) She is the best Mommy on the world wide web
3) She is the best Mommy in the whole wide world
4) She gives me chocolate milk whenever I need it
5) She always tries to answer my emails whenever I send her one. Sometimes she forgets
6) She helps me take my shower each night

And lots of other things...maybe..

How do you not love that?

Its not even 2 hours into my birthday... and I feel alot of love. It cant really go down from here can it??

Wel I *am* 34... ugh

I'm On YouTube!

2009-05-29T10:53:00.002-04:00

Well sorta.. more on that later.

Our Memorial Day weekend was good. Mom came over Monday we grilled burgers, sausages and hot dogs. She also brought a pineapple cake that was delicious. We watched The Express which was a VERY good movie imo.

Mom brought a friend and while I was a tad bit anxious at first about having someone he'd never met in the house. But when the guy came in Mikey ran right up, stuck out his hand and said "Hi, I am Mikey, whats your name?". I think my jaw hit the floor.

I have started using a Coupon Clipping service rather than buy papers as much because sometimes there are REALLY good deals out there and I don't wanna get just ONE or Two. So Wednesday I went out and tried this. I got

22 Aunt Jemima Frozen Breakfasts
12 Kraft BBQ sauce
4 Ragu Pasta sauce
2 A-1 Steak Sauce
2 Kraft Salad Dressing
1 Digiorno Flatbread
1 Powerade

Before sales and coupons my total was $100 and some change (of course I wouldn't have bought the stuff if it wasn't on sale, just making a point). After sales it was $53. After coupons? Right around $20. The kids love the breakfasts, I have BBQ out the ass and enough sauce and condiments to last me quite some time.

So yeah. My guild went into 10 man Ulduar Wednesday night with one goal. Take down XT in hard mode. You can do the dungeon on either 10 or 25 man and each has an easy mode and a hard mode. The hard mode adds more things to move from, kill, heal through etc etc. It also rewards one extra piece of loot and on 10 man, gives you the 25 man emblem (emblems are turned in for different gear).

We spent an hour and a half on it and when we got it down.. it was sweeeet. It was recorded by our shammy and posted on youtube. I don't expect you to watch the whole 8 minute fight but you can actually kinda see me.

Most of the video the raid is behind XT, the tank in front, where you cant see him. If you look up to the right hand side of the boss you can see me. I light up alot healing. I stand there so if I get bombed (which requires you to move away from the raid) I dont have to stop tank healing. I just heal myself through it.

(I am Kynsie in the list of names!)

Anyways, I was very proud of us. We are currently 10/14 10 man and 8/14 25 man but Thorim is going down tonight!

Mommy, I am looking at you because I love you

2009-05-21T16:41:00.004-04:00

That's what I heard today while getting Mikey's stuff ready for school. He can say the sweetest things sometimes.

Yesterday we made apple pie. The kids were very excited about it.. they helped me roll out the pie crust, spoon the filling in and criss cross the lattice across the top. While eating his Mikey said "You're the best apple pie maker EVER!"... you'd have thought it was from scratch but I'll take it.

He's not alone.. Heather will often come running from any direction and plow into me while expressing her love. It's very... energetic. Occasionally painful ><

Its been an interesting few weeks. Mikey missed every day of school last week. I tried to send him a few times and he kept getting sent back home. I finally just said screw it and didn't send him back till Monday, when he had FINALLY stopped coughing.

This week it has rained (like thunderstorms) ALL day EVERY day since Monday. We saw the sun for a small time this afternoon but it is cloudy again and the weekend is supposed to be the same.

Anyone doing anything fun for the holiday weekend? Mom is taking Mikey over Sunday night. I might try to get some burgers to grill, we'll see I guess. Have a great weekend and holiday!!

Happy Mother's Day!!

2009-05-10T17:23:00.002-04:00

I hope everyone is enjoying their Mother's day. I got to sleep in, which I usually do on Sunday's anyways but still nice. I got a sweet card Mikey made at school for me and a bouncy three year old on my chest when I woke up. Also, a bunch of Happy Mother's Day texts on my phone!

Originally we were going to do our yearly Sonny's BBQ trip with Mom.. however Jason is sick and Mikey was protesting. Mom suggested I order take out and bring it back so that is what I did. Feast for four and sweet tea, yummy!!

Mom was going to take both kids Friday night to give me a night off but Mikey got really sick at school Thursday. He was running a fever, coughing bad and throwing up.

Here's a fun fact. If your kid throws up on your cell phone, it is probably not going to work anymore.

So Mom only took Heather (which, trust me, is STILL relaxing) and Mikey stayed home with me. I asked her to pick up some medicine, sprite and applesauce on her way over. She arrived with three kinds of kids medicine, two kinds of adult medicine, disinfecting wipes, Lysol, cracker, applesauce, sprite, a board game and two DVD's.

...

Thanks Mom.

So Heather developed a runny nose at Mom's house and by the time Saturday rolled around, Jason was feeling like shit too. I still am fine. My friend Heather Anne theorized Moms always get sick last so we can take care of everyone else first. I think she's right.

I hope everyone else had a good day as well!!

This year's IEP

2009-04-23T09:49:00.002-04:00

Just got back from this year's IEP meeting. It went well overall. The usual "Mikey get's everything about the English language down pat except creativity and comprehension" "Mikey does great at math, word problems becoming an issue" etc etc.

There were a few new things. His teacher talked about another little boy who came in for resource and was also exceptionally intelligent but emotionally disabled and would often have meltdowns resulting in having to move the kids or change plans. Mikey would write about how he felt ("So and So messed up the classroom AGAIN!" or "So and So yelled and hurt my ears")... but over time.. actually ended up befriending the child. He still didn't like how he acted but he approached the child, he initiated activities and played with the child. It helped the kid also knew about computers but either way.. it's a huge step for Mikey.

His teacher said of all the kids she has taught over the years (15 if I recall) that Mikey had the most potential. That was a proud Mama moment, let me tell you. As for next year, he is gonna stay in a mild ESE classroom, but this is the 3-5 grade bracket. I wasn't even aware they HAD such a bracket for milder kids and I assumed he'd be headed into general education, which we had talked about.

But as she was never able to outsource him for math or reading this year (teachers were either unable or unwilling to take on another student) she wasn't ready to make that move for him yet. It's a goal for next year and she has actually written INTO his IEP to be outsourced for math and they will have to take him, but she already knows a teacher she is aiming to get him with, who has worked alot with ASD kids in the past and actually enjoys having them.

The good news is he'll almost be in the same classroom. The set up that it is now it's a huge room with a long wall and the other classroom is right on the other side. He already knows the teacher well and he will be close to Ms Korfage to help with the transition. ALSO, one of this best friends from last year who moved up to 3rd grade is in the class and he will be able to spend more time with him.

Next year is the FCAT.. *sighs* I am gonna be working alot with Mikey over the summer, they are sending stuff home to help get him ready, so that he can take this test. It's not a matter of whether he is smart enough to pass (duh) it's whether he can TAKE the test the way it's presented. They showed me all the accommodations they will be making to ensure he does his best and I am satisfied they are doing the best they can. I am still worried.

Anyways, it was a good visit and now I am egtting ready to send the kids to my Dad and stepmom's for the night WOOT!!!

Very Disturbed.. this and that

2009-04-22T01:29:00.002-04:00

So I got a call from Stephanie around 11 pm tonight. The reason for the call?

My senior year boyfriend and prom date was arrested on child porn charges.

Can you say wow? I was like... OMFG.. I am glad I didn't sleep with him...

And in other news. Easter went well. We left Mikey and Jason home cause Mikey was having a bad day.. in retrospect I felt bad cause MY DAD WAS HERE!!!! Even still tough, it might not have been pretty. I was thrilled to see him though and Heather did very well. She's so damn cute.. noone has a clue what a monster she is..

Mikey had an appt with a special needs pediatric dentist.. they nearly fell over themselves after his initial consult about how smart he must be, they couldn't believe it. They had him 20 minutes I don't even know what he must have said.

Long story short.. its gonna cost a bundle.. if I am lukcy medical will handle the $1000 to sedate him for 90 minutes.. add that to $1000 dentist fees.. to do the three cavities and seal his back four permanent teeth so they dont get cavities.

If they dont I will be attempting the oral sedative first. Mikey did amazing with them.. so much better than the douchebag I first took him to. They obviously know what they are doing and he might be ok. I guess we'll see.

And potty training.. Heather will pee on the potty but not the other. I have tried numerous times and she is very scared about it. I imagine its typical, not knowing what this is coming out of you ... I have gotten her on the potty a few times for it but she freezes up.

I am considering naked day. I finally got her to relent to training pants but she doesn't use them as intended. She might as well be naked, I don't think she'll poop on the floor (I hope).

Today was fairly productive. I cleaned from top to bottom. Heather helped. In the future she's getting a tiny bottle of water cause all she wants to do it spray and wipe. But I cleaned kitchen, bathrooms, living room and got a bit of laundry done.

Then the kids helped me make cookies. They turned out more like.. sugar cookie muffins but not very sweet and Mikey loves them. I also made a big batch of pancakes to freeze, Mikey eats those like crazy.

I will try to blog more, when I get texts about whether my computer is broke or not I guess I am not blogging enough >< (Thanks Steph).

bang That's my head on the desk.

2009-04-08T15:33:00.002-04:00

I was rolling through my RSS reader today trying to catch up on the 225 feeds sitting there. It seems like a lot? Well besides friends and family blogs I subscribe to frugal living blogs, recipe blogs, recipe websites, Harry Potter news, World of Warcraft news and some autism related sites.

When I came across this I very visibly twitched. Then I sighed. Then.. *bang*

Can I enter to win and then rip it into a thousand pieces? No? Kthxnvm.

Bah..

It's World Autism Awareness Day!

2009-04-02T15:25:00.003-04:00

And as I sit here letting Mikey tell me exactly what I need to do with my computer I can't help but smile.. and alternately worry about his future.

In any case, regardless of all the struggles we go through I feel blessed to have him.. I have learned so much from him and I am betting I have more to learn.

That's my boy.

A Very Bad Dentist Trip

2009-03-31T17:31:00.002-04:00

Today was Mikey's first appointment to have a cavity removed. I could tell he was having a bad day to start out with but we went ahead anyhow.

Basically, long story short, by the time it was over I was screaming at them to let him go, we were both crying and Mikey could barely breathe from how upset he was.

They did try ways to get him to be ok, they explained things over and over but Mikey's mouth is a big problem and while he's really never had a problem with the dentist, they numbed his mouth (can you imagine how that must feel with sensory issues?) clamped some silver thing in his mouth, covered it with some latex or rubber coating I mean..I don't blame him.

They gave him sunglasses, a mirror to see what was going on, the whole nine yards but he was very very VERY upset and then they suggested some restraint device so he couldn't move his arms.

I will be damned if I am putting my child (autistic or not) in a strait jacket so he can't move and letting you guys go at it. No freaking way, he'd be traumatized (if he isn't already).

Am I overreacting? I felt they were way to rough with him (trying to hold his head down and turn him to face them) a little too sharp in their tone like they were frustrated with him and then angry at me for not MAKING him do it.

I didn't WANT to sedate him but I don't want to ever do THAT to him again. I said we could come back on his next scheduled visit, try again. But I don't know if I ever wanna go back there again or if he'd even walk in the door.

And Other Added Stress

2009-03-26T00:59:00.003-04:00

Jason's job is precarious. They've lost a number of good accounts, laid off a bunch of people. Jason's job isnt necessarily subject to layoff.. he's been there a long time....but what if they go under? What if they sell out? We're not sure what we would do as we barely manage now and a job loss.. we'd likely lose the house.

I don't care that much about the house. I don't like it, I don't think we were ready. But if our credit gets mangled, we're screwed to rent as well. Sure, we could stay with my Mom, all four of us in one room, chillin... but I'd rather not.

Oh and.. back last month, when the shit with the car happened, I forgot to take my BC pill for four days that week. I take it for regularity and help with PMS symptoms, obviously Jason is snipped so no pregnancy worries.

SO after that week I decided to just wait until I got my period and start again. But.. I never got it..

As it stands now I am 3 weeks late. I was slightly freaking. I told Jason and said I wanted to get a pregnancy test. He's like "Why, you can't be pregnant??""

"Yes I can, it's happened..that stuff grows back sometimes."

"Well, how would I know if that happened??"

"..... when I got pregnant....."

*crickets*

So, against his better judgement (Thats $10 we can spend better elsewhere!!!!).. I got a pregnancy test. My idea??

It will tell me one way or the other. 3 weeks late, no way to be wrong... it either say NOT PREGNANT and I can relax or it says PREGNANT and we can start getting ready.

Thank God.. it was a big fat NOT PREGNANT.

So after that (crying tears of relief).. I called my Gynecologist. Explained the situation.. I know I am not pregnant, but I messed up with BC pills and would like to know what I can do to get back on track.

"Oh, hey, you are due for your annual"

"Shit.. I mean yeah.. ok.. let's schedule that"

So I will be going next Tuesday for my exam and to discuss this. If I have not yet started they can possibly give me something to get me going.

Anyone see why my stress levels are through the roof???

Failing As A Parent

2009-03-24T00:13:00.002-04:00

You guys know me. You know I do all my research.. I have tons of sites I visit, RSS feeds, CNN articles everything I can learn about Autism I do.

And still.. I am completely at a loss. Mikey has gotten into this phase where he talks about killing himself.. or someone killing him. He wants to die. He wants to find a gun. I HATE saying this but I have to get it out because I do NOT know what to do.

He says he hates his face. After further questioning apparently it has to do with Jason teasing him. (at least that he can recall). Jason has always teased, he teases them both and for Jason it's like "I tease you because I love you".

But Mikey doesn't get it. He used to be ok with teasing and wrestling. Now he hates it. He loves Jason but he is always complaining that 'Daddy is too rough, Daddy doesn't like my face, Daddy is too much for me'.. it hurts Jason alot because Jason adores him. And he can't understand what to do to get closer to Mikey. He wants to spend time with him, do things as a father and son but Mikey doesn't do the 'normal' things. And Jason is having trouble connecting with him on another level.

I got called by his teacher a few weeks ago. I cried for almost an hour after. They had to legally ask me if we had guns in the house due to what Mikey was saying. We don't but honestly, I barely held back tears on the phone as they described to me everything going on. I had to go in the morning, sign paperwork, and they handed me a paper that dealt with therapy.. family and single.. to help with things.

Guys, I am at a loss. I watch him, my amazing, super smart adorable Mikey cry about how he hates himself and I wanna cry with him. WHY?? What did we do? All I ever do is tell him how smart he is.. smart enough so that I can't even help him sometimes. I hug and kiss him all the time.. I do everything I can to be there for him, talk to him (even if its on Yahoo....) I mean...he's SEVEN.. Seven year olds don't hate themselves do they???

I have talked to one or two people.. one says his daughter (now 13) was like that from about 5 on.. shes not autistic, its just how she was. He is hoping she had cleared that hurdle but he understands how hard it is too.

And for my parents.. I am sorry :( You guys know what I mean.

So I am seriously thinking now about some therapy for him (and us as a family). I don't know the cost, don't know how that covers thru insurance or FSA but I can't stand another day of my baby saying he wants to die. I want him to love himself and be happy. Whatever the cost.

Heather's 3 yr Dr visit.. late

2009-03-19T00:31:00.002-04:00

Ok I suck at making dr visits. Heather is on the delayed vax schedule and isnt going to preschool so I forget.

Regardless she had her 3 yr appt today. She's 39 lbs and 39 inches long (3 ft 3 in). Folks she is like 12 lbs less than Mikey. He needs to eat more.

Of course she is progressing in everything, no worries. She told the nurse and Dr about her recent knee injury (she had a nasty fall running across the street for Mikey's bus.. yes I hold her hand but at the last minute she let go, tripped and dug a hole in her knee. The lady who lives at the house and has a son going there is a nurse and patched her up, it was bad).

She told them she was learning to potty (Bullshit.. ok she does when she wants but she will only wear panties for like 2 mins and rarely comes to tell me to go potty.. I am on her ass and still I miss it.. UGH)...and of course she's smart. She had her 3rd Polio vaccine to get also.

Not one to lie, I told her she'd have a little hurt but then it would be done and she's get a lollipop. Nothing tears you up more than hearing her scream, promising her it's over and having her ask in between sniffles "It's *sniff hic* all *sniffle* done Mommy???" Yes baby.. all done.. let's get your lollipop.

Then she was ok. So she's happy, healthy.. typical bratty 3 yr old.

Tomorrow Mikey sees the Ped dentist for his cavity..

Heather Can Spell Her Name!

2009-03-17T19:22:00.002-04:00

So Heather likes to go sites like noggin.com, pbskids.org and nickjr.com and play the games. Alot of them are very educational and she has learned to read a little, sound out letters, match patterns, etc etc.

Alot of the sites want you to put your name in and I got tired of getting up all the time to type it for her. So a few weeks ago I said "You try it... what does Heather start with?" I expected her to get this because when we practice alphabet I would often say "H is for Heather!"

So she said H and typed it in. Then I said "What's next?" and she said E! She missed the A and the 2nd H but all on her own she spelled 'Heter" which is pretty darn good I thought.

So ever since then I have practiced with her when she needed to type her name and she can now successfully spell her whole first name. I am very proud of her!!

The Key

2009-03-13T00:41:00.000-04:00

So.. every week when we down 25 man Sapphiron, a key drops.. not only does it grant the user (and the raid) the chance to fight Malygos but it gives the user their Best In Slot neckpiece when they DO defeat Malygos.

And every week the officers of the guild do a vote on who should get the key this week. Then the Guld Leader gives a nice speech on why said person is getting the key and everyone says "Awwwww".

So this week she starts talking. "Ok well, I know I usually have all these nice things to say about the person who gets the key but this week it's going to the biggest pervert in the guild" and immediately three people on vent say "KYNSIE!" "It's Kynsie!!" and I got like 3-4 whispers "GRATS!!"... um..

Ok so yeah I got it but LOL.. she did say some nice things about me afterwards :/

Speaking of Wow I thought I would throw a screenshot up, this is Kel'Thuzad, for those who play WoW and read my blog. If you don't feel free to ignore!

SO how do I play like that?? Let me tell you. Across the top is Fubar, tracks a ton of addons, my money, my locations, the guild, my auctions, etc etc.

I use Pitbull for raid frames, shows my party across the top. ORA2 provides my tank list, going down the left side. The Range Check is just for that fight, I need to be 10 yards away from everyone else. That tiny brown box that says "Kel ' Thuzad?" thats Omen.. it detects threat levels so you know if (as DPS) you need to back off. I never measure as a healer so I barely look at it.

Across the bottom I have Autobar first off, which has all my consumables, quest items, pots, a few spells and buffs. Underneath, there are 3 boxes (provided by eepanels). The first box contains all my spells and buffs again, pots, etc. It may seems stupid to have two ways to get it but I use both things for different items. I would like to consolidate one day but I havent yet.

Middle box is my chat and combat logs, any guild/raid/party chat and also what goes on in combat.

Last box is my baby. My Healbot. Say what you will Grid and Clique users, I cant change. I have 3 spells bound to my right/middle and left mouse keys, my most used spells. I hover over a name in the frame, click what I need to click and they get healed.

If I add Shift, alt or ctrl with a mouse key, new things happens. I can Shift right click and shield.. I can Ctrl left click and Prayer of Mending.. and on and on. That is the majority of what I use right there. Healbot = <3.

Going up the right side is Elkanos Buff Bars.. they tell me every single buff I have and for how long.. you can also get rid of them by right clicking. And above that my mini map. Which is useless to me because I fucking get lost EVERYWHERE. Its my other MO "Kynsie the perv and yeah, she gets lost everywhere".

The combat text in the middle shows whats going on at the time. Anything going to the left is fading, the the right is gained. It used to annoy me but now I love it.

Anyways thats my UI.. I am loking to tweak and change it some if anyone has any great addons they like, I would love to know.

Also WTB raid member who can "GET OUT OF A FUCKING VOID ZONE OR FLAME WALL ALREADY WTF"

Thanks...

A Family Outing (Of the Not-So-Pleasant Kind)

2009-03-10T18:38:00.002-04:00

This morning we all got up early, even Jason, for a family trip to... the dentist.

Good times? Yeah, not really but it had to be done. I moved the kids over here so we could all be in the same place. We have gone for years and took the kids to a pediatric dentist mainly for worries over Mikey (which have never really been an issue).

They took Jason back first and then came for Heather. She went back just fine, got in the chair and would let them in to count her teeth but that was it. Nothing else. They asked about previous dental experiences and I said yeah, I usually had to hold her so they could clean her teeth.

They do NOT do that here. I have to say I always felt bad, now I feel worse. She said they only do what the kids can handle and let them get comfortable. She didn't think Heather honestly should have even been going that early except maybe for the sole purpose of getting used to being there. I thought I was doing the right thing :( I am glad we moved them now though.

Mikey, as usual, did fine. He let them take X-rays, showed them where he was worried a tooth hadn't come in yet and they showed him x-rays of the tooth VERY close to breaking through.They got all his cleaning done and said he had a cavity :( It's his very first one.

They said they noticed plaque also and I told them that yes, he will let me brush his teeth but you cant spend long in his mouth before he starts to wig out. I guess I need to work a little bit harder. They suggested a Pedodontist for his filling, as he would likely need to be sedated and they don't do that with kids.

Then it was my turn. I got my usual lecture about flossing (yes yes I know I should). I always start out great but after a few months it dwindles off. So I have renewed my efforts yet again.

Anyways, not the most wonderful family outing I could have imagined but at least we know our teeth are clean!

Harry Potter Trailer!!

2009-03-06T01:06:00.000-05:00

http://mugglenet.com/app/news/full_story/2214

OMG.. I cannot wait..