Mizmell

I Need A Map

2008-05-15T04:56:00.005-05:00

I long for a roadmap. I want some warning of what's ahead--a hint so I can be better prepared for the unexpected.

Most of the world nowadays--due to the instability--would probably like a roadmap as well.

The reality is there are no such maps.

Instead, we rely on gut instincts, our heart and as a last resort--logic.

I am catching a plane this morning for Texas to retrieve Miss Jessica. I understand she's being hospitalized for "observation." By the time I arrive, I'm guessing she'll be released and we can begin the process of gathering up her toys to return to Virginia.

My heart tells me this is the right thing to do. My gut instincts tell me this won't be an easy task. And more than likely, logic will surface a bit later as I hop from one plane to another today to reach her by dinnertime.

Fair Is Where You Get Cotton Candy

2008-05-13T07:56:00.007-05:00

I'm not a man hater.
In fact, I'm very interested in them.

I have some male friends. I've spent lots of time with men in the workplace and I've been married a total of 26 years. The fact that it was 3 different men who shared that 26 years should actually enhance my credibility. I mean, I kept on trying to find the right fit.

And while it's no surprise that men and women are wired differently, my pal Hoss actually found the best way of explaining it when he posted this video on his blog.

This struggle to co-habitate and to understand one another has been going on since the beginning of time though. Look at Eve. We'll never really get the true story there. Was Eve really the one that was tempted or did Adam actually bite the apple and she just covered for him? We females always want to swoop in and fix things, don't we?

We've been grilled on playing nice and minding our manners, but too often our male counterparts never heard those messages, or just chose to ignore them altogether.

The clipping in the picture tells the story of Lilly Ledbetter, the Goodyear employee that was being shortchanged at work by what her lawyer called a "good old boys" network. When she was on the verge of retirement, a tipster revealed she was earning 79 cents on the dollar compared to her male counterparts in the same position. She sued and won, but the ruling was eventually overturned because she had waited too long. Turns out, if you're getting screwed and you don't notice it for 6 months, you're really screwed.

It's shocking, isn't it? And that's the part that always gets we women. We're shocked by the audacity. We never thought anyone would behave like that. How could they do that! Don't they have a conscience? And they seemed like such nice people...

I worked for a corporation, that when forced to cut salaries, came to me first because I was the only female executive. They rationalized that I should be able to endure a reduction in pay before my male colleagues because I was a woman and had a husband with a job.
I resigned. This wasn't the only sexist incident, but it was the icing on the cake.

I received a promotion at another corporation while in Texas and the man who stepped into my previous position started at a salary that was $5K more "because he had a family." Actually I am convinced it was because he had a penis.

And on top of that, they wanted me to help him with this position, while transitioning into my new one as well. I wasted no time in voicing my opinion. I have never seen so many grown men blush as a result of the word "penis." But they really should have been more embarrassed by their behavior.

It's what I refer to as the sheep hormone. If there is a group of men, the intelligence level will sink to the lowest IQ in the group and they will begin acting as one. Females, on the other hand, seem to thrive on individuality and fairness across the board.

Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying this is true of all men in all situations. My JB is honest and compassionate to a fault. But since I have found a man like this, I know that such men do exist.

The Supreme Court implied that Lily Ledbetter's lower pay was her own fault because she hadn't investigated her employer for sex discrimination sooner. Now isn't that a shame that you have to check up on everybody just to make sure they're doing what they should be doing?

Cultivating Goodness

2008-05-10T10:20:00.006-05:00

Every day provides a new treasure.

Some are just beginning, like this peony.

While others are overwhelming...
and require much more care and attention.

Time To Lose The Pearls

2008-05-09T08:46:00.009-05:00

The wind got up and the clouds formed. As I was cooking dinner JB had a beer and began sharing his weather forecast.

I can now do my own forecast based on the cloud formations, thanks to Dr. Biology. Before we studied meteorology last semester, I relied on the aching in my left shoulder or the soreness in my wrists to inform me of changing weather patterns.

But after living smack dab in the middle of tornado alley in West Texas for a hundred years, a tornado watch doesn't get me very excited. I've had my fair share of inclement weather.

There was a time that a tornado watch or warning meant being prepared--gathering the kids, pillows, and battery operated radio--and heading for the innermost room of the house. That would be the bathroom.

We'd make a party of it. While they gathered their books and a favorite toy or two, I'd grab a flashlight and the battery-operated radio. By the time they had climbed into the bathtub amidst a pile of pillows and blankets, I'd have pored myself a glass of wine and donned my pearls.

I always figured if I was going out, I was going out wearing my pearls. And the wine? It certainly couldn't hurt.

I've shared this tale more than a few times, much to the amusement of family and friends. And last night, when JB suggested it was an evening for wine and pearls, I suddenly looked at the entire scenario with new eyes.

The pearls are still there where I left them. They're taking a breather--a deserved rest-- in a red velvet box with a white satin lining.

I'm just glad I don't need them anymore.

Learning to Work With Mother Nature

2008-05-06T13:13:00.004-05:00

The Georgia Collards have bloomed and gone to seed.
Pop noticed all the honeybees when he and Momo came to visit on Sunday.

They're so tall and the blooms are pretty...
but they've taken over the garden.

JB got this photo of me trying to do some damage to the crop.

Neighbors have enjoyed 4-5 pound bags for some time.
I started cooking to start freezing some yesterday--6 quarts!
I have a feeling I will be having collards for a while.

But I have plans for tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers and peas...

Nasty Little Brain Invaders

2008-05-03T10:52:00.004-05:00

The last exam was taken yesterday. I went prepared, but still felt the anxiousness that accompanies any test of memory or mind function. I've come to realize it has more to do with my emotions rather than knowledge of any given subject.

I have to ward off thoughts of defeat. I take deep breaths and shake off self-limiting ideas so the words I'm reading make sense. Last semester, I even went so far as to request an instructor double space his tests in an effort to keep the questions from running together.

Today my Jeni is taking regional exam boards. I feel anxiousness for her--1400 miles away.

I hope she has the ability to focus entirely on the present moment. I want her brain to be so full of what is right in front of her that there is no space for the what happens next.

Its the outcome of what's before us that generally creates the anxiety anyway.

Seeds of Change

2008-04-30T21:27:00.009-05:00

What a nice surprise I had today!
I just received these in the mail today from Eco Women.

Hopefully by the weekend--after the last final exam--
I can get out in the yard and find a nice spot for these treasures.
I have a tree and some bushes I have been waiting to plant, too.

But we've been getting lots of rain.

The rain has been leaving big, fat drops of water that glisten in the light.

Raindrops that reflect and catch the light just like
the crystal flower we gave Momo for her birthday.

The Last Ride

2008-04-28T21:53:00.013-05:00

Jake left us today for greener pastures.

a place of eternal sunbathing on grassy hillsides
with an endless supply of big ole ham bones, I hoping.

He's been busy for so long watching over our little kingdom...

and escorting us up and down the driveway every day.

Bless his heart, he just wore himself out.

Now he can finally rest.

The Sky Is Crying

2008-04-27T06:38:00.005-05:00

It started raining late yesterday afternoon.

JB had mowed the immediate yard, as Jake lay on the porch complaining. If his legs were working, he would have found a vantage point on the hillside to oversee the operation. He's definitely not happy with the situation.

The vet had referred to Jake as a whiny dog. He assured us that
Jake was in no real pain and his cries were more from anxiety.

But isn't anxiety emotional pain?

Jake's been a lot more anxious the last 24 hours.
And now I'm beginning to feel his anxiety. What's next?

Anxiety about the future is now an everyday occurrence.
I wish I could make it go away.

I wish he would just get up already.

Stop! Before You Bake...

2008-04-24T08:08:00.002-05:00

Momo called this morning to let me know I had neglected to mention you must grease the pan before pouring in the batter for Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Bars.
But they still taste wonderful...

Chocolate Chip Oat Bars

2008-04-22T07:10:00.004-05:00

I love these big chewy oat squares loaded with nuts and chocolate chips. These sweet bars are easy to prepare, and they cut very cleanly when cool.

1 cup flour
1 cup quick-cooking oats
3/4 cup packed light brown sugar
1/2 cup cold butter
1 can (14 ounces) sweetened condensed milk
1 cup chopped pecans (or dry-roasted peanuts!)
1 cup (6 ounces) semisweet chocolate chips

In a bowl, combine the flour, oats and brown sugar. Cut in the butter until crumbly.
Press half of the mixture into a greased 13x9 baking pan. Bake at 350 for 8-10 minutes. Remove from oven.
Spread condensed milk evenly over the crust. Sprinkle with nuts and chocolate chips. Top with remaining oat mixture and pat lightly.
Bake for 25-30 minutes or until lightly browned. Cool in pan on wire rack.
Yield: about 2 1/2 dozen.

Note: I'm doing a web page that highlights quick recipes for my Web Design final project. I've been lucky so far, as I have been able to copy and paste many from my blog!

Lifeguards in The Gene Pool

2008-04-20T08:00:00.008-05:00

I can still recall the excitement of Jeni's kindergarten graduation. She was adamant about wanting her picture taken with "Teacher Viola."

Jeni once confided that when Teacher Viola got down real close to talk to you, you could see her eyes were all cracked. Initially confused, I later ascertained that her cracked eyes were actually bloodshot. I have a great deal of respect for those bloodshot eyes, having spent time as a mother working full-time outside the home.

There were goody bags and a celebration very befitting this important milestone. And at the end, I loaded up my sticky, tired child and drove 10 minutes home.

When I hopped a plane for Jeni's high school graduation, she wanted to be photographed with her boyfriend (now her live-in fiance').

The graduating class was so large that it was conducted at the county coliseum. I was seated in the nosebleed section and strained to pick out my baby girl. As luck would have it, I was sitting directly in front of a man who kept pointing out my daughter and referring to her as "my Jeni."

After I introduced myself as Jeni's mother, I learned this was the boyfriend's father. He was just as proud of Jen and he was of his own son.

After graduation, we all went out for a nice lunch in celebration....

Daniel and his big sis, and Jeni and her big sis.

Yesterday, my Jeni graduated from college. Her ceremony was at 10 a.m.

Economics and obligations from school prevented me from attending. She and I have shared tears together many times because of this over the past few weeks.

I spoke to her Friday afternoon as she was in the final meltdown stage. Through tears she told me she had just finished giving a 20-minute presentation to 300 people. She was due to begin preparing the floral arrangements in a hour for the next day's ceremony. The apartment, she said, was a wreck and Daniel's mother was arriving to spend the night. The stress-level had reached an all time high.

I took this opportunity to speak calmly about how much she had accomplished. I reminded her that while JB and I may have funded her education--she did the real work--and that's what was important. She had accomplished this for herself through determination and tenacity.
I encouraged her to let go of expectations from family and friends and concentrate on herself. Prioritze.

She understands why I couldn't be there. Her sister (who lives in the same city with her father) was afraid to make the 5 hour trip because of complications with her car. It is upsetting that the sperm donor couldn't be human long enough to offer a ride to his eldest daughter. It would have meant so much to both of the girls.

I gave her the "you're from strong stock" speech that Momo always gives me. I know it well, and it always does the trick. I reminded her of times once perceived as challenging, that are hysterically funny in retrospect. By the end of the conversation, she was giggling.

I didn't phone her yesterday, as I know she was up to her eyeballs in houseguests.
But if I know my Jeni, I suspect she turned a few heads.

Tick Talk

2008-04-16T07:02:00.004-05:00

Jake is still holding on. He's able to lift his head and wag his tail, but his legs still don't work. It's been a week today.

Bless his heart, he's fed up. I understand this. It's no picnic doing physical therapy with a 65 pound dog and changing out bedding twice a day. I can just imagine how he feels about it all.

During the course of all this, I have learned more than I ever wanted to know about ticks. I have read things that make me want to live in a bubble--and yes--miss the city somewhat.

I also got a bite from a Lone Star tick last Friday that has created a reaction. I was showering and felt something at the back of my calf. The nasty little bastard had latched on and created an an inflamed area as well. It took tweezers to remove the thing. It was attached as if it had been harpooned into my leg!

I'm guessing my jaunt down to the garden the afternoon before was when he got me. After researching all the fine details, I think I will live. The reaction, while still yucky-looking, is subsiding.

I've spoke with the "specialized veterinary representatives" at Frontline who have educated me further. I was told that typically it took a tick longer than 48 hours to transmit disease. It has something to do with their feeding patterns.

I'm really grossed out by all this tick-talk.

A Woman's Work Is Never Done

2008-04-10T20:42:00.004-05:00

Last night I worked until midnight uploading 3 web pages to the sever for my Web Design Class. I have this problem--I think web pages for assignments should look like magazine pages. It--more often than not--doesn't work out, but I try.

I finally decide I have had enough and head to the living room, exhausted.
Since I am one that has hot flashes to the point of wanting to shave my head, I gulp down two large glasses of water, trying to unwind.
I fall into bed at 12:30 a.m.

I awake at about 2:00 a.m. because JB is handing me the phone. He's doing his midnight snacking routine and the phone rings with the eldest daughter, Miss Jessica.

Bear in mind, my brain is FRIED. .. and I have been in the bed an hour and a half.

Turns out, her power has been off for an hour and there are tornado warnings in her area. She apologizes for waking me, but is getting claustrophobic hiding out in her bathroom and would like a radar update.

I apologize for being so incoherent and stumble to the computer. I pull up the radar and the storm tracking and tell her she is in the clear.

Bless her heart, she's had the light of her cell phone for an hour--in the bathroom with her cat.

I really can't wait until she is here with me... out of tornado alley.

Today has not been a good day. I am traveling on little sleep and too much pressure. My eyes have leaked at various points throughout the day, uncontrollably.

I call Momo to tell her of this rubberband that has enveloped my head.

She laughs, knowingly--almost hysterically.

I guess that's a sign that this is normal. And this too, shall pass.

The BumbleBee Dance

2008-04-10T14:09:00.003-05:00

There's the unmistakeable buzzing in the air of Bumblebees.

I stepped outside to admire the Bridal Wreath, and wound up sitting
on the east stoop for a while.
Mother Nature has a calming, nurturing way about her.

The bees flew around chasing each other--darting and dodging-
and making all kinds of racket with their zooming.
In the quiet of the yard, the bees are as noisy as a freeway during rush hour.

I'd imagine they're pretty excited to see that everything has started to bloom.

I went out and picked about 12 pounds of Georgia Collards this morning.
I have lots and lots of greens.

And Mr. Jake is still with us...
What we had thought was old age has turned out to be tick paralysis. The vet said that Jake had just been bitten by the wrong tick. He's been poked, prodded, examined and tested... and medicated.
We're giving him water with a bulb syringe and babying him. We're hoping he snaps out of it within the next 24-48 hours.

It's Not Looking Good

2008-04-08T20:58:00.006-05:00

I think Jake is on the last leg of his journey. He's been a tough one. We've clocked him running alongside the car at 22.5 mph. He's been my escort since I arrived at the kingdom, almost 7 years ago.

Last Christmas, he got worn down a bit. But it was nothing that 4 weeks of inconvenience didn't cure.

Yesterday, his back legs gave out.
JB apologized for interrupting my intense study period, while expressing his concern for the top dog. I needed the break--and we trudged up the 45 degree incline where Jake had decided was far enough.

We rolled him over on to a quilt and then decided it wiser for JB to drive the pickup up to fetch him, as opposed to caring his 80-pound mass down the hill and back up the other side.

It sucks. I hate to see the king of the neighborhood realizing his human frailties.

We deposited him into his bed--with a new quilt. He's moved slightly since then.

The one thing I can count on is the tail wagging in acknowledgement whenever I speak to him.

He crawled out of his bed today on to the concrete just a few feet away. JB and I--just now-- several hours later, picked him up and put him back in.

I had a Shepherd, that after 13 years, went through something similar. After three days, we put her down. Three weeks later, Elijah Blue joined the scene. The girls never bonded with Blue. I can't help but think it was was the memory of our shepherd, Sasha, that kept them from it.

Tell Us How You Really Feel

2008-04-04T21:30:00.009-05:00

My little friend down the road has been shitting us off more often. She's taken a job at a local establishment called Clamdiggers. While we don't meet as often as we used to--the times we can, we enjoy scallops or a Shrimp Po' Boy--and it makes the absences more tolerable.

I left her a voicemail earlier today, to see if we could continue the get-togethers we've enjoyed for more than year. Getting no answer, I phoned her husband.
He retrieved the voice mail and spoke briefly with JB. As it ended up, JB and I were faced with entertaining one another.

I made Imperatix's famous pizza for our dinner, and we talked politics. It can get spirited.

But in the end, I always call the trump card. I remind JB that if it's so damned important, he should register to vote and attempt to make a difference.

Then we talk of the 60s and the 70s and the activism, and he tells me the protesters are probably now all Republicans. I refuse to believe that. Not for one minute.

I have slides (yes, slides) of Resurrection City-- set up between the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial. Time Magazine has this synopsis: "The encampment's six-week tenure afforded ample time to pressure a patently willing Administration to do what it could to help the poor."

It was 1968. Momo, I'm guessing, was maybe early 30s. Her sister was just 40.

Anyway these two chickies stroll through a--what would you call it?--a protest that lasted so long that people set up camp. They were living in tents and cardboard boxes, and cooking breakfast over an open fire. They were hanging out for a cause--and probably getting high and stuff while they were waiting.

But my mother and her sister wandered through, taking pictures with their Instamatic Cameras, with flashcubes, as needed.

I remember that vaguely. I do remember how relaxed and casual the atmosphere... and how it wasn't a big deal at all. No fathers were upset with the fact their wives had spent the day observing a protest like we'd stroll through a yard sale--with small children in tow.

And, as a result, I have pictures (slides!) taken by two crazy mothers in the 60s.

Its okay. I have a scanner that does slides.

Aliens And Fairies

2008-04-03T20:46:00.006-05:00

I have often noticed these dark rings on the hillside
and wondered what had caused them.

Turns out, they're fairy rings.

I imagine if aliens had caused these patterns,
my attack dogs would have swiftly scared them away.

And if my dogs had managed to catch any alien intruders, I'm sure
I would have seen the them gnawing on their bones in the front yard
--if aliens have bones.

But I think the deer would just look at the aliens
like they had two heads.
Hell, for all we know aliens may have two heads.

But we now have another theory, with the fairy rings.
And I much prefer fairies to aliens any day...
mainly because I've never seen a horror movie that involved fairies.

I Need Hillary ( myspace.com/iwillforhill )

2008-03-31T17:02:00.001-05:00

Dear Anonymous

2008-03-30T21:34:00.005-05:00

Obviously, you have a lot to say.

Have you thought about getting a blog to just vent?

I admit, I was curious--but you lost me after the fourth or fifth paragraph. I had to delete you, because you were just bogging things down. I think it's better if you keep your message short and to the point.

I am ready to read a more concise edited version. I truly believe everyone has a right to his or her own opinion. When you get a blog or website... just let me know.

Thank Heaven, For Little Girls

2008-03-29T15:50:00.011-05:00

Spring has sprung and I feel like my life is suddenly on fast-forward.

I have 4 more weeks of school--and some pretty daunting assignments--
before I can chill out and take a break from studies.

I've been visiting with Miss Jessica on the phone a lot here lately
and helping her plan her move from West Texas to Virginia.
I'm really excited about having her in the same city with me again.

We can do all sorts of things together.

She can help with the cooking...

She's always been quick to lend a hand when needed.

She understands the best things in life are shared.

And she'll also get to spend more time with Pop (and Momo).

It looks like my little girl...

will finally be coming home.

My Friends Are All Outside

2008-03-27T07:28:00.005-05:00

Looking the other way doesn't work well with deadlines.
Come to think of it, I can't think of a single instance when it does work.

I've been facing all the mounting daily challenges head on--
putting in a lot of late hours and stumbling to bed
closer to midnight most days.

I need a break occasionally to clear my overloaded brain.
The sunshine streaming in the windows
lures me away from computers and web design.

Once outside, I take a walking tour of our little "kingdom,"
soaking in the fresh air and sunshine
while taking notice of the latest gifts Mother Nature has brought us.

I spent one afternoon trimming all the bridal wreath.
I'm noticing more things that are starting to bloom...

Every little bloom is encouraging me
to get through with all this book stuff,
so I can come play for the summer.

Easter 1960

2008-03-23T09:43:00.002-05:00

I love old photos...

Have you got any Easter memories to throw in the pot?

I Can See Clearly Now

2008-03-20T06:42:00.006-05:00

Before my head is off the pillow, I watch the birds as they fly from one feeder to the next. The tree tops wave to let me know they're doing the best they can to keep our belongings out of the next county.

High winds today. It rained last evening while I was pushing to get through absolute Excel formulas. I heard it beat on the windows behind me and never once looked out. I was on a mission.

I broke briefly to enjoy a dinner of fish and fries. JB had planned it so I could be finished by the time dinner was ready. There's only one problem with that. You can time dinner, but you can't always time homework.

After dinner, back to the books I went. JB hand washed the dishes, ignoring the hungry Bosch dishwasher, waiting to be fed. We all have our habits, I guess.

I had two phone calls within an hour of the other. Anticipating a lengthy session, I plugged in the headset for my cordless phone. I just recently purchased this nifty little gadget from the clearance bin at Target so I can keyboard as I listen. Mama's are the original multi-taskers.

Jess is wrapping things up and getting things done in anticipation of the move to Virginia. We have talked off and on for a year now, about her returning to school. She's 23 and has waitressed and tended bar since she was 17--long enough to embrace a change. I assure her that the same drive and determination that has sustained her throughout this time, will be invaluable in college.

Jeni's written board exam was Tuesday. I was holding my breath, waiting to her her thoughts. Turns out, she had thought it was Tuesday, when in all actuality it is next Tuesday. This wasn't a good thing. Last week was spring break for her. She had used that time for studying and bypassed a trip out of town.

I suspect the down time did her more good than nightlife in Austin. She agreed when I reminded her there's always an opportunity to party.

I miss that rotten little curly headed child that tried my patience. The one that had me making Daisy Kingdom patterns out of printed sweatshirt fleece and cotton lace. She was a tomboy that wanted to dress like a girly-girl.

I have pictures she emailed me of her wedding dress, but I'm afraid of posting them. I haven't even shared them with my sisters, for fear of jinxing something. But I will share the description Jeni emailed me:

It's a strapless, half-A-line, half-mermaid style dress w/embroidery and beads on the bust and down one side. The veil has beads and shit on the ends to match.

Note: Here's a little clip which may help explain the label for this post:

Bacon Cheddar Appetizer Cheesecake

2008-03-19T13:16:00.003-05:00

Here's the recipe, as promised:

Pastry for a single crust pie (make your own, or use a can of crescent rolls for the crust)
3 packages (8 ounces each) cream cheese, softened
4 eggs, lightly beaten
1/4 cup milk
1 cup (4 ounces sharp cheddar)
1/2 cup sliced green onions
6 bacon strips, cooked and crumbled
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon seasoned pepper
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper

Roll the pastry into 13 1/2 inch circle. Fit into the bottom and up the sides of an ungreased 9-inch spring form pan. Lightly prick the bottom. Bake at 450 for 8-10 minutes or until lightly browned. Cool slightly.

In a large mixing bowl, beat cream cheese until fluffy. Add eggs and milk; beat until smooth. Add cheese, onions, bacon, salt and pepper and cayenne; mix well. Pour into crust.

Bake at 350 for 40-45 minutes or until a knife inserted near the center comes out clean. Cool 20 minutes. Remove sides of pan. Cut into thin slices; serve warm.

Yield: 16-20 appetizer servings.