Chucky Charlie Dark Chocolate

Mahathir nonsense?

2008-08-27T22:32:00.002+08:00

I just read Mahathir Blog on www.chedet.com and i was really upset about it. I am supporting Mahathir but to write such article about Permatang Pauh i was really disagree to him. He was only blaming the current PM regarding the lost in Permatang Pauh which i think is too emotional and personal. I think, Dato Seri Abdullah is the less person talking in the Television before the election. I think the defeat is not because the PM but the candidate himself not enough to beat Dato Seri Anwar which is known to be more expert in politics.

So sorry but i disagree about that article.

Oil price decrease and total defeat

2008-08-27T22:08:00.001+08:00

I am so shock, just a few days before the small election in Permatang Pauh, suddenly without hesitation the goverment drop the oil price 15 cents. Actually, not without hesitation, i think they thought for a long time for us the citizen of Malaysia. They reallty want to decrese the oil price but the time to make it drop is not appropriate. THis is because the election is about to happen. Same as saiful angkat sumpah about the sodomy case. If he done it after the election or earlier or i don't know but i think it is also not appropriate. It make people think something is fishy about it.

Then, the total defeat of the BN party during the election yesterday. I was not shocked about it. I am a person who use the internet and also watch TV, and everything in the TV was not what really happen and what is in the internet, is reality for nowadays.

Things is going a little crazy with the politics now. I was really dissapointed about it. It seems that everyone is becoming selfish today.

I sort of respect or i should say so respecting our Prime Minister. I think he is a good man. Why? Because he is the less person we saw on the TV talking about politics today. So I am a little proud of him. He was really a nice guy.

Going to Kuching

2008-08-27T22:05:00.000+08:00

Well,I am going to Kuching on the 18th of Mei 2009 for my elective posting. Wahaha. I am so happy about it i just don't know why. I feel like i have some unfinished job there in Kuching. But i do not know what it is. but then, i am looking forward to go there.

PTPTN 1%

2008-08-14T14:11:00.002+08:00

I am so glad hearing that PTPTN will decreased it interest to 1% from 3 %. At least i would save around 5 thousand something maybe. Or maybe 10. I dunno, maybe they should not put any interest to the loan but it is a loan, so for me, i was relieved to hear the news.

I was in a great amount of desperation for money nowadays. The other thing that government should look is the increasing price of almost everything today. I was so tired of spending rm10 per day for meals cause one meal usually cause rm4.50 today. 2 meals already cost rm9. A day!

If i calculate that, i would spend rm70 per weeks only for meals, and it would be rm280. Wow. 6 months would cost rm1680. Wow. And because i am a human that not need only food to live, i need other things to dress me well, so would spend more than that for 6 months.

Wait, because my class everyday is whether in HQE and Bukit Padang, no bus would be easily go there i think, so i drive my old car to class to get my knowledge. So then, the government already increase the oil price, so now i would spend around rm90 a week for petrol. So that is mean that i use rm360 a months and for 6 months that would be rm2160.

How much did the government loan me? rm3500. How much is the university fee? Rm1636. How much do i need to live for that period of 6 months before i get my next sem loan? RM3840. Exceed. hahahhaa.

I always want to get JPA now but since i already in 4th year, i feel difficult to apply for it. I apply it twice but no answers.

Talking to people

2008-08-10T23:50:00.002+08:00

It is kind of fun doing practical in Hospital Bukit Padang or can i say Mental hospital. It is so different from doing work in medical or surgical or any clinical department. Mental hospital is different.

Well, i talk to this guy and he claimed that he met god and he is now a messenger to tell all the people that God is one, and all religion is true because he said that how many human in this world, that is how god look.

Don't take it seriously, this person diagnosed with Schizophrenia. I do not know, whether he is saying the truth but i am sure he is not normal.

Sometimes, i feel weird about Schizo patient, they talk about something so unreal. Like one patient that have an audio hallucination. When asked about why he run away naked on the road, he answered " Can i ask my wife first?" then he look to his right where there is no one there then he continued, " My wife said, after we all dead, we are all in the same place.."
It is kind of gothic right. haha.

But then after 2 weeks spending time with this type of people, I like them a little. So many thing that we can learn from them, not learning from their idea, but to learn how to control our mind cause i know when we cannot control our mind, this is what we get.

Same Identification Number

2008-07-24T10:39:00.002+08:00

I just heard from the TV saying that our Malaysian Identification Number consist of 6 date of birth number in the front followed by 2 digit number representing place of birth code number then follow by 4 more numbers. So what i heard in the TV said that the last 6 number should be different for each persons in this country.

The problem is, i knew this boy that is younger than me and we have the same last 6 numbers in our IC. At first i felt that we are lucky. But now i feel that it should be a problem. What if there is a complication in registration anywhere.

So i am thinking whether to report this or not. But i think the one who should report it is the boy because he is younger than me and the error should be with him. But i will try to solve this puzzle immediately. What the heck.

my IC number is 860323155059, anyone got the same number as me?

Orietation day and bully.

2008-07-19T23:45:00.002+08:00

Hmm, what is the different between orientation and bullying your junior?

Two different things can look the same. But it actually not. And this year i heard that my medical school orientation day for the junior is much better than the last year, and last year i was getting into some trouble with the junior when i criticize the way they conduct the orientation day.

This year I missed it. I woke up late this morning and eventually missed the orientation day. Even though, i heard from my colleague that the orientation day is much better than the last year and i am glad to hear that.

Well, actually, i am a bully when i was in boarding school. Maybe i am a big size guy thus all the junior afraid of me a little. But then, after a few times get caught on bullying the junior, in the end, i understand what is actually the difference between your age? The difference is in your experience. Junior may be more experienced than you. Maybe they are living in a life more tougher than you while you actually just living for 20 years pampered by your family and your money.

So when i look to orientation day, i think about the meaning of it. Orientation. No hidden meaning on it. It is held to orientate your junior to the new enviroment they will be living in.

So, that is the difference. In orientation, you are orientating while in bully you are fulfilling your desire to watch the other bow and kiss your ***.

I heard some junior starting to become bully today. I hate it. Because they never think about it. I am sober of becoming a bully. Even i like to tease my friends especially Shafika, Bibi, Emie ( she bully me more than i do), and all the other, but this is teasing. Not bully.

So i just can hope that people stop doing this. If there is no bully in this world, no one will die in Iraq, Afghanistan, or wherever in this world.

What am i saying?

Malaysia big debat on oil price issue Anwar VS Shebry

2008-07-16T13:29:00.002+08:00

When i woke up this morning, the first thing i remembered is about the debate last night. It was so great and the for the first time Malaysia was so open and let the opposition give out their idea and voice live on television. So everyone can see the truth, who is right and who is wrong. It is a debate for Malaysian to judge.

Well, it is so clear that since the beginning, Anwar looks really prepared for the debate. All the word and idea came from him was fascsinating. So clever and great. But Dato Shebry also one of great debator where he can talk on a debate. But only talk for me. He did not really discussion about the real topic for the debate.

I was really shock about the situation where our goverment send this man to fight with Anwar. At least get a dude who know something. He even cannot answer about the lost of billions of money after the last increase of oil price in malaysia ( where the oil price increase rm0.30 a few years ago). What he do is only talking about Anwar past record history. It was so funny.

Really, i am 22 years old student in government university and i am not stupid. I know that Dato Shebry do not prepare for that debate. I am so dissapointed to my government. Why they choose this guy?

Well, this morning, i open up Berita Harian at Www.Bh.com.my and i was really shock on the report for the debate that clearly a lie. One who do not watch the debate could easily believe that Anwar was total defeat while what happen is the opposite. In Berita Harian, they said that Dato Shebry defeat all the attack from Anwar while actually he only talk rubbish on non related issues that night.

Please berita harian. i don't trust you anymore. Hahah.

I open up malaysiakini.com and i was happy to read something that really the truth.

Open your eyes people.

Price increase

2008-07-10T12:01:00.002+08:00

I went to Giant mall last night, well, there is a lot of changes in the price of everything inside Giant or even any other shops nowadays.. I was shocked when i saw one of my favourite snack 'NIPS" that usually cost me rm1.49 now already become rm2.19. How big is the difference. I was very very upset about it. even Instant noodles that usually cost around rm2.99 or rm3.15 not going up to minimum rm3.60.

How can i continue living as a student like this. even Mixed rice in all restaurant would cost me at least RM4. Not like before where we can found rm3 dishes.

I think, even though government claimed that they are using subsidize money for petrol to subsidize food, well i don't see any decreasing in food price?

What a nonsense life we are living now?

I got B only

2008-07-09T17:19:00.000+08:00

Well, i got B only in my professional exam third year. But im happy about it. Beacuse it was so hard yo.

injured

2008-06-28T01:40:00.002+08:00

I'm currently in orthopaedic posting this 2 months. My hand injured, got some inflammation on distal radioulnar joint. Do know why. but it is a burning pain. I hate it. I can't type so much now. Only this few put a lot of effort. Tomorrow or the day after tomorrow it will disappear maybe eventually.

PTPTN MISTAKE

2008-05-28T12:23:00.003+08:00

My mistake. My mistake. First things I want to discuss here is how I made this mistake. It all started when I was in Matriculation College.

At that time, there was this person who invited all the Matriculation College’s student to get a form and filled it to request for Shell scholarship. A lot of student went to take the form and beseech the scholarship.

One mistake I made is I get that form from my father in his company since my father work as a Polis Bantuan Shell so he get the form earlier than anyone else. So it was not a problem for me. I can just filled that form and hand it directly to the company man. It is more convenient for me. No problem.

But then, trusting a man who supposed to be handling that thing in the company is another mistake I have made. We send our form to that man which supposed to handle it but he said to us that you need to hand it that form in the second semester of my Matriculation study which is so nonsense when I think it back today. All other student give the form to the representative and that person send it to the company during the first semester, but me, because I directly make my business with the company, I send it in the second semester which is later being disapproved because of late request. I felt cheated. But I have to admit, maybe it was my fault who directly went to company and not using the representative of the company. I thought, dealing with the boss is better.

So, when I was in first year in my university, I was making another mistake. I was trying to get the Shell Scholarship again (!!) because I was convinced by the company man that I can get it even I was in first year. But then a lot of trouble coming, problem there problem here, procedure procedure until I know that I failed to get that scholarship in the end of my first year.

Then another mistake I made is because I trust myself so much to get that scholarship, I did not request for JPA scholarship opened in my first year of study. Then like Malay proverd “ yang dikejar tak dapat, yang dikendong berguguran”. I was really frustrated.

I then request twice in my early second year and early third year for JPA but I did not get any reply from them. But I did not give up, I still want to apply for JPA but my friend said to me “ If you apply it now, you will work 10 years with the government ( which I don’t care, I still will work with the government) but you only get the money half or even smaller in amount compare to the student that get it since first year”. It was logic. It was not fair by that way. So, I have only 2 years more to study. And I was feeling so hard with my RM3500 money to pay for my University fee which is Rm1600+. 2 years later I hope I pass my study and become a doctor, and I will work hard to pay my debt and I also will taste the pleasure my friends get with a lot of money there are spending during their study.

______________________________________________________________________

The next part I want to discuss here is about the PTPTN interest. A lot of request and issue, rumor and everything asking for this PTPTN interest to be demolished but government always saying that they did not want it to be demolished. And why is that.

I did not really pay attention on this particular until I heard from the media that government saying that PTPTN is only for a low class courses in the university (something like this) and said if you are excellent in your study you still can get MARA or JPA scholarship which gave up until rm6000 per semester to the student.

This is nonsense and crap from the government. What did they mean excellent student can get that? Should we just say ‘lucky’ student? Are they saying university student in Malaysia does not excellent. Than why they are in the university? Isn’t all of them does not matter ‘low’ class course or not will eventually work with the government and together improve this country. I cannot believe the government classify things like this. I am myself a medical student and I request twice for the JPA and I did not get approval even though I can forgive this because of my own mistake describe above. But what about my sister for example. She is working hard today to pay the loan. And after years, she only managed to pay the interest. Is she a low class student which does not really important in this country?

I did not agree completely with this. Even though the government do not want to demolished that interest but they cannot classify thing like this. Everyone is studying hard and then pay that taxes and interest for you all.

Which I can see, people that get JPA and MARA does not really mean they are excellent. They could be excellent only at that time of request, and after that, who will know what ever they are doing until they graduate than get the result whether they excellent or not. Lot of PTPTN beholder graduate in first class and there is also a lot of JPA beholder graduate second or even third class. Right?

As I recall that our country and the world is on crisis of economy today, poor people need to be supported, but from what I can see, JPA beholder got RM6000+ and does they really come from poor family? No. Because they are ‘excellent’ then they got a lot of money to buy cloth, shoe, games, CD, Ipod, PSP, PS3, modify car and everything. Poor people who come from poor family to the university got only PTPTN Rm3500 with daily expenses increasing today making them so hard to live in University and later hard to pay back the interest of the loan.

So, suggestion of demolishing this interest can be think twice or even more. Even if the government could not demolished the interest, they could maybe think of other measures to help this kind of student who struggling hard with study and money in the university. Don’t simply said that they are not excellent. Think back to your excellent people, which maybe only in small proportion compare to lot of more people who are not ‘excellent’.

Sexy School Uniform

2008-05-26T23:24:00.002+08:00

At last, after a few years of thinking, now there is a trigger from somewhere that want to talk about this issues.

Well, there is some rumor saying that Malaysia's girl students uniform was sexy until there is increasing in number of cases such as rape and sexual abuse. This issues have been circulating to the superior up to the parliament and some people are asking for the uniform to be changed to another type that is more polite and non-sexy and i do not know what kind of uniform that will be.

Let us go back to the old history and myths. Where girl were ask to wear a special type of underwear where there is a lock and a man couldn't do anything if they did not find the key for the lock. It is a myth or fact which i do not really sure about. But this thing reflect this kind of situation when people start asking the government to change the girl students' uniform by the reason that it was so sexy.

I have been in a secondary school before. I have seen the uniform, i have passed my growing up schoolhood years. It was a period where everything could be sexy to you as a man. Looking to the student uniform today, i couldn't find anything that look to sexy within it. describing that the uniform was to thin until you can see bra inside, well, how many women wearing a thin shirt and exposing their bra and even their skin to the public all around Malaysia? So many of them. But the the students uniform was blamed for the increasing number of rape case.

It was so funny when i hear about this issue on the news. I guess people really fantasizing their sex mind into the girl student. Well, someone that come up with the idea claiming this thing could be the one who really are the causes of increasing rape and sexual abuse among student. Haha.

What i am talking about. I want to simplify things, there is no problem on the girls students' uniform. Yes they are thin but just exposing the bra inside doesn't really concern you if you are a wise and normal person comparing to the half naked women walking on the mall.

So, what should we do if we think this sexiness of a girl really contribute to the increasing incidence is to educate people to wear more politely in the public, not blaming our students which is the victims in the situation.

But i don't think this is the causes of it. I think, the cause of increasing rape incidence is because of the electronic media, uncontrolled materials from popular culture, lack of education, lack of parental control, and substances abuse. This is what we should pay attention to.

Even though, i do agree if Malaysia want to change our standard school uniform. As you can see, we have bee wearing that since history. Maybe we can step outside the line and design a new one. It could be interesting. Put a taste of fashion in it. ( I hate white shirt, school shirt, make you look stupid). If the uniform make you look stupid, well that is enough to make all the people around the world saying that we are teaching our generation to be stupid and look nerd. I suggest blue or purple school uniform. hehehe.

Magic medicine

2008-05-23T23:38:00.002+08:00

Ah. Time to update my blog. Time to create a new post. But... i haven't think of something to write. I have no idea. There is nothing that dissatisfy me within this few weeks.

hmm, Maybe just a little story to tell on alternative medicine. Yes. The alternative medicine. particularly the traditional one.

I'd wrote something on this issue a few months or maybe years ago on how i did not agree about choosing traditional medicine and how Malaysia keep educating the citizen on how good traditional medicine is. I keep thinking about this nonsense.

I never believe traditional medicine or stuff like that. Stuff like if you get called by a number, you answer it and you die. Maybe it do happen, but I will never believe it. I'm anti of this stuff. But not truly I would say this stuff did not exist. It do exist. The matter of whether you trust it or not is the thing that we need to understand.

My story in this post is not regarding this deadly phone call. But rather i would talk on a story that happen yesterday in my life when i meet a person who talk about how miracle a traditional medicine could be.

A child who has been diagnosed by physician to have some spinal cord injury and did not have chances to walk again in his life but then recovered by a 'bomoh'. This is a story i heard from this person. And a story about a person diagnosed with renal failure but then recovered by 'bomoh'. This is the story i heard.

Do this stuff really work. I would surely say "NONSENSE". Things like this is blinding you but actually not curing you. I will always never believe this stuff.

This is because since I was childhood, I am having Bronchiol Asthma. Lot of elderly teach me some traditional trick to cure it. Some ask me to eat sireh, eat some crazy stuff like camel heart, eat aloe vera soup, everything... and i tried it just to have a hope that I will recover. Even there is some elderly in my village ask me to drink Human urine to cure my bronchiol asthma (luckily i did not try this one).

Well, in the end i was cured. By what? Those traditional things or all the 'bomoh' i met? No way. I was cured because i was compliance to my Inhaled Steroid Therapy. This is what cure me. Not those magic stuff.

Now after entering medical school. I am becoming more anti-traditional medicine more and more. I will never believe when you say renal failure can be cured by 'bomoh'. I will never believe that spinal cord injury can be cured traditionally. If they do, then show me the evidence. Show me.

I don't want people to keep believing on this stuff. What you all need is to learn more. Read more, and study more. Keep saying traditional stuff is good will keep you look stupid lor...

haha. even though, everything happen in this world came from Allah. So, there is limit in my unbelieve. If God say it, it will happen. So whatever i did not believe, i will always believe the God. But for what i did not believe, I will study more to prove it. even you say modern medicine did not cure, modern medicine came from Allah. So, fair enough. Peace.

Muslim Forget

2008-04-15T13:36:00.003+08:00

Better do not talk if you don’t have the right knowledge. This is what people always say to me and to the other people regarding religious discussion. My thinking is not stereotype and it is my nature think and doubt about everything. And I hate when people talk like they know everything, but then, knowing everything does not mean that you are the only one that can talk about it. Providing a quote from Koran and Hadis does not mean that you are right.

This is what happen when people did not put their common sense on the thing they said. Always accepting religion without thinking of the consequences. Not even the Muslim, but also the non Muslim. The film Fitna is the consequences of quoting something from Koran without putting a common sense and logic behind it.

Thus, I synchronize this with some of the Muslim who always put what they see and learn in their religion and use it against the other without thinking.

What happen today is, people are going to start war because of the film Fitna which I can see that it is a foolish to do. I realize that those film is really igniting fire inside a muslim heart. Even I did feel so angry with it. Looking at it, the hatred fill my body and I wish that every single person that believe that film to curse to dead by the God.

But the second day after watching that video, I can see that the whole muslim community all over the world are starting riot. Burning flag, showing violence act against the Holand and the non muslim community. Muslim community seem to threatening the Christians which I can see is not appropriate.

Let us look back to the story of Muhammad life. The prophet of god. What happen to him during his life time. Did Islam rules everything at that time. Well, it is not. I still remember the story where a pile of shit is thrown to Prophet Muhammad early in the morning when he walk along a road to the mosque. What did Prophet Muhammad do? Did he declare a war? No. he is not. He go and wash his cloth that has been dirty by the non-muslim, then when he already clean, he goes to the mosque and pray. How patient he is. And what happen then during his lifetime? Islam almost rules the whole world? Not because of the war, but because of his personality, his patience, making all the non believers start to believe him and the religion he brought with him.

How many muslims were torture and humiliate by the non muslim during that time in Mecca. Muslim were thrown away and treat like a dog in the street. But what Muhammad told the early followers to do? Did he told them to grab a sword and kill every non muslim in the town? No, he ask his followers to be patience.

War happen during Prophet Muhammad life time, but if you can recall, most of the wars are defensive. Not attacking. When prophet Muhammad went to conquer Mecca? Did he killed anyone? No. He just went there with 10 000 military forces and what they do is only performing Haji and pray.

So today is the different story. It seem that all the Muslim all over the world is reacting differently from the old times. Every insensitivity will be paid by bombs and violence. And the only thing what Muslims remember is about the war, about jihad and fighting for the right. No patience within. No patience is consider in every act. All of them are forgetting the phrase said by the prophet “ patient is half of the faith”. This is serious. Half of the faith. Even Jihad is not half of the faith.

And this is why I want to talk about this thing. To remind myself and all the people out there. To not to really influence by the extremist that believe that war is the resolution. While it is not. So, reacting violently is not what we supposed to do.

So what we are going to do? What a Muslim should do is strengthening the faith inside them and try to have some good reasons, education, system, and the most important is patient. Almost all of the muslim country is a poor country, low education, where teaching of this religion is not done with the right system. And muslim all over the world should have a system on acting or reacting to everything. A system that will hold any country to do a stupid thing such as performing a suicidal bomb attack or etc. The Organization today is not as systematic as it should be. We can see only organization and meeting, but we did not see the system coming out on every meeting held.

As a conclusion, the way someone react will reflect whether he is the righteous or the faulty one. Thus, we should consider everything before we act. And go back to the root, to the real teaching. May no one do not do foolish things and make this world a better one.

ASCAP23
14th April 2008

AUKU?

2008-03-29T23:33:00.004+08:00

Well, I am a Student and for real, i did not bother much about AUKU because since I enter University, i never really think that i will have a problem later if this AUKU was deleted or not or something.

But since everyone is talking about it now, it become so interesting so i read it myself to see really what actually went wrong with the act.

Well, honestly, i did not really agree when they said that University student will not become excellent in their study because that act is restricting us to join any political group or whatever. Because for me, I saw all around me in the University that there is a lot of program and activity that can lead and teach the student on how to become a leader. Lot of exposure were given to us in our study, not just basically sitting down reading books or something. For the first time in my life when i enter University that i am exposed to the community, i was sent to rural area to promote health, to educate people, to learn about leadership, to work as a group, to be with the community, to be the community. So, it is totally wrong when they said that we are restricted socially.

So, excellence in the university, yes not only based on pointers and exam, but continuous assessment that involved our co-curriculum, community based, our attitude, skills, and everything. And that is what i can see done in my school in UMS. Well, i don't dare to talk about others because maybe they have a different perspective from me.

The next thing is, if student are allowed to be involve in politic, I am sure that there will be a lot of group, party, and small community form in the university based on everyone own group and party. So integration among student surely will disappear immediately. I have see this kind of situation happen even with AUKU still on. When some people start to form their own group, and did not mix with other group, like what we can see in the reality of Malaysia politics right now. So I cannot get along and do activity together with UMNO group in university because i am PAS, or i can't play football on sunday everning because sunday is for DAP while i am PBS supporter. Things like this surely will happen. Someone said to me that maybe, "MAYBE", politics can unite people. But from what i see in reality, politics is the one who break the unity among we all.

We can involve in politics later after we graduate and no one cares. We are not going to stay in the university for the rest of our life. Thus, why not we just study and get that opportunity to be a well educated man first.

But i remember one of my Professor said that in Malaysia, knowledge and education is not important, what is important is politic. Different from the other university oversea where academic is important than politics. Are we training politicians only in Malaysia's University? Until when will our University will be in the top 50 in the world? They are measuring the research and the academic, and not the politic involvement i think.

From my perspective, to become a good politicians, you must first be prepared with a real knowledge in your head. If you are a doctor involving in politics, competing with a College drop out or Class 3 student involving in politics, that doctor have a higher chances to be a good leader rather than the other two.

The last thing is, what I can see today, those people that proposing this AUKU to be demolished is not actually fighting for the students right, but i see more on trying to fight for themselves, for their party, for their politics. I think it is better to fight to reduce the higher fee in the University rather than this. Not all student are politicians, but all student need money for their life.

As a conclusion, if the thing we are talking now is for our right, then AUKU should be abrogated. I think we can ask for our right. But we must think also for the pro and cons. To cancel AUKU to make student more excellence is a nonsense from my perspective. But to cancel it for get out right can be a brave thing to fight. I would say that, I don't support the act, and i don't like the way they fight to cancel it. Sorry for being insensitive.

ASCAP23
30 March 2008.

It's my birthday (sucks Manja Rasa)

2008-03-23T22:24:00.003+08:00

Well, happy birthday to me. I am so happy now that i turn 22. For this year, i am celebrating my birthday with my family. I am so happy because it has been a long time since the last time i celebrate it with my family.

A few things disappointed me during my birthday celebration. We went to a seafood buffet restaurant called Manja Rasa in Labuan. Well, everytime we went there, there will be a lot of seafood ready on the freezer for us to grill and steamboat it in a Korean Style. Same as Kampung Nelayan in Kota Kinabalu. But this time i was dissapointed. This is because we walk in into the restaurant and found out that a few strategic table already been booked. But we don't care. Cause my family only consist of 4 members so we do not need to book a table or what. We found a place to seat, nice place also. In the beginning, i am having a great mood and hopefully a great food. Well, it was great in the beginning, but what happen in the middle of my happiness is, there is no more seafood to eat!!! Isn't it a buffet restaurant where you can eat as much as you can.

Obviously that restaurant have a poor management on food control. I obviously realize that they are waiting for the customers that already book for the a few tables that still did not come. But what the heck! Aren't we a customer too!!!?

It was really sucks. There is no more food over there and the worker there don't even seem to bother about it. We wait and wait for at least 3o minutes, but what we get is only a few meats and sausage. We want seafood!

In the end, we decided to go back, we are full ( with sausage chicken and meat. Where is the seafood?). And at the time we walking out that restaurant, they start to fill up the seafood on the table because the customers that booked earlier have arrived.

So, what is wrong with this story? That restaurant is too stupid to consider only booking customer as their customer and leaving us who pay the same amount of money eating sausage and chicken that we can buy in the street? They really have a poor management on controlling the food. I have been to Fishermen Village in Kota Kibabalu where the concept is the same but over there, there will be no delay on the food ( or the food will never get dry up). Why is that? That is because they know how many they need to give and they consider all the paying people sitting as their customers. It is a common sense. Why do you have to save the food for the not-yet-come customers while you can save for them and serve the current customer at the same time.

So, maybe, it will be the last time i will go to that restaurant again. haha. There is many more great restaurant that i can go. But, they ruin my birthday mood and i hate it. I feel like i want to curse them.

Okay, but the cake was nice. I really love the cake that my sister bought for me. A fruit cheese cake. So nice. Haha.

Hmm, another thing is, there is not many people realizing that today is my birthday even my closest friends. I am so sad. But i am up now a little because the last 3o minutes, it seem that they remember already. But not for someone or some other one. haha.

thank you my family, to Kim Heng Shee ( the first one who wish me), Nuraini, Soo fei, nasibah, zulfa, Ilah, Wilson Bodingin, My cousin Dion, bibi (( who bought me the earliest present this year), Wai Hong, Suzy, Azimah ( My yahoo chat buddy- azimah is her name or i don't know), fanjiet, some girls i'm not sure who in friendster, Jennifer ( is this mei ching?), hmmm, maybe that all la. wait, forget.. almost forget... Jennifer Guma. hahha. Love ya'll.

p/s: I dun want to tell people about my birthday since i'm getting old oledi. it is better for them not to know. and when they forget when i don't forget their birthday, well, i can assume that i choose a wrong person to remember. hahah.

Am i like that before?

2008-03-16T21:28:00.002+08:00

Today, when i walk around the town, i saw a lot of teenagers walking around with their friends with their puppy love one and some of them just wandering around alone. Well, i consider myself a teenager. But i don't know. Is 22 years old still consider a teenager?
I see a lot of difference between them and me... but am i like that before?

There are different type of teens that i saw today. The first one that i noticed is a group of teens consist of 2 boys and 3 girls wearing a simple T-shirt, khakis, proper snickers, maybe they are chinese. Look like chinese. All of them walking around together then enter a fast food restaurant, sitting all together, eating and laughing along. Hmm, it is nice to see them. I remember the time when i was like that. Hanging around with my friends. Let me guess, this must be a group of Matriculation College students. I never step and ask them cause that is a strange thing to do. But i know, they must be Matric's Student.

Another group that i notice is a group of girls, wearing jeans, with their yellow and black stripes hair, a baby shirt, with big necklace, and big bracelet. Hmm, well, i don't like to see them. Look so nasty. haha. this group of girls walking around laughing and talking loudly. they act cool. Or they try to act cool. Then when a group of boys went passing them, they shout aloud saying some dirty word or something like that. Not nice to see. This type of girls should end their life having sex with multiple boys acquiring Sexually transmitted Infection or marry a lowest working class man and suffer their life later in the future. Poor and pity girl. If they just change their attitude, i believe that all good man in the world would like them. they look cute without their attitude.

Then i saw a group of boys walking around with baggy jeans, spiky hair, a belt reaching their knee (or this is just a rope hanging there for fashion), with white sport shoe, must be a hip hop type guys. They all walking with a strange gait. Like waddling gait. haha. Maybe they try to walk cool like a hip hop star in a hip hop video but honestly, if you walk like that in reality, it look like you are having herniated spermatic chord or you are pregnant. Haha. Not cool. And their bang their head while walking like there are music playing while there is no music playing around. When they walk passing a girl, they add more 'coolness' into their walking. Look so stupid. So for this type of teenager, i would say they would become something later. Something that i don't know but i know all they can reach is only a working class level. And some of them would end up doing nothing instead of taking drugs or become alcoholic useless type of guy.

Then i saw another group of teenager, wearing simple plain t-shirt with jeans. As they walk, they talk to each other. Then they settle down in a pearl tea cafe. Hmm, i can judge this kind of characteristic but i know they have future. with their character, they would end up being professional or at least become an DJ or something like that. haha. Normal type.

Then I saw another group of teenager, sitting on the mall corridor. Like there is no other place to sit. That place is dirty you know. Why don't you all find a bench and sit down rather than sitting on the floor. This group of teenager is like a group of girls i describe just before. No future if you keep being like this.

And in the end, i look at myself. Who am i to judge them? I never know their problems and what kind of life they have been through. Even they look useless right now, but who know later they would have their opportunity to love as a professional class people. Maybe i was like that before. Maybe people see me as a useless teenager before. But who would expect that i would have the opportunity in my life to be in my situation right now.

As i step out the mall, i hear a voice on my back. A voice of a mom saying something to her child. She said " Don't dream to have this kind of stuff now, wait until you become a doctor later." I turn back to see that women, and i saw her child, her daughter, a small girl probably around 10-12 years old girl smiling.

And i smile. Dream on. Make something come true for yourself.

ADVICE

2008-03-15T21:18:00.000+08:00

If someone comes to you and ask for direction, where would you put your finger to?
If someone comes to you and ask for your advice, how do you choose the correct word?

People usually seek someone if they are hurt and if they feel that they are being leave along. Human is so interesting. This is because, since before birth, we always seek for something. Like the sperm seeking the ovum, babies were seeking for their mom, a teenager seeking for their love one, an adult who would seek for their purpose of existence. We always need to find something, and it is natural.

I myself, usually ask for someone’s opinion regarding any problem that I faced. I need someone to give me some word that can give me another reason to keep going on. I need a guide and a direction from someone that already experience thing before me.

What should we do if people ask question regarding their problem? A problem that you might encounter by yourself in your life or a problem that you never encounter but it is common everywhere. Usually, a friend would ask their friend on the topic of love, family, relationship and friendship. Only that. If someone come to me and ask me regarding their financial problem, I would usually pass that topic. I am not a person that you would seek to consult you on your pocket problem. I usually being ask about love, family problem and friendship. As far as I experience, I really don’t mind even a lot of them come to me asking the same question every time.

I would not consider myself as a good advisor or problem solver. But I love to listen to story. I love to share something that I know and some of my opinion with them. No matter what, I will always concern about the people that need me as a place for them to talk. And I would respect all the confidentiality within the discussion.

Sometimes, I have problem choosing word to say. Mostly, I don’t like to talk about that things directly because I could not speak a proper word face to face. Sometimes I did talk face to face but with emotional environment, sounds everywhere, sad face, tear, it would influence the way I give my opinion. I will always listen and non stop listening if things goes like that.

So the other method, that I like the most, is when someone text me, email me or write a letter to me( which is nonsense to do nowadays with technology all around the street). When they text me, I will read and I would have a plenty of time to think before replying to them. I will always consider about their feelings, analyze deeply their problem, empathize and try to give them the best support I have.

For me, in listening (or reading) to someone’s problem I need to practice a certain guideline that I made for myself. I really need to follow this guide as I listed below

I need To:

1. Understand the problem ( ask question if I don’t)
2. Listen to everything they wanted to say ( @ reply the message telling them to tell the story more and more)
3. Look to the problem in many different way ( different perspective)
4. Ask about their feeling currently and on the time things happen
5. Ask about their opinion on their problem
6. Ask whether they have a way to solve the problem or not
7. Ask about how they want to solve it ( in what way)
8. Keep them happy
9. Try not to make jokes about the problem but make jokes to cheer them up
10. Give something for them to think if you have an idea on how to solve the problem
11. Don’t solve the problem. Make them think.
12. Don’t give advice.
13. Don’t act clever.
14. Give them a freedom to whatever they want.
15. Tell them you will always be there and support them.

It is funny to make a what to do list. I’m feeling like a nerd and jerk. But with this it will do for some simple-simple thing. Haha.

By the way, I don’t play with other people problem. I am born naturally to concern about someone else around me even I look like nothing. I really want people around me to be happy. To feel happy and to live happily every after even me myself did not. For me, making someone else happy is the same as making yourself happy.

I myself have a problem too. I seek someone to help me but usually, someone did not really understand my problem. And I hate when people give me advice that I don’t really want to hear. That is why in my guideline I put “don’t give advice”. If you are giving advice to someone, it make you like a clever one and sometime, you will sick when people advise you, and anger will come after that. I don’t know how to describe it, but you will feel it. Really.

So, actually, I really want someone to know and to have 15 things I listed above or such so I can ask their opinion. I will always hope so. Haha.

Still Like This I do survive

2008-03-12T16:32:00.002+08:00

What is happening to Universiti Malaysia Sabah Internet connection. So sucks until i can't log in to blogger... Actually i do can access the internet but our school prohibited us to go to our beloved LabCom anymore after a few computer been stolen. So, for us to connect to the internet, we can only use our Village Wireless connection which is sucks and a few fast wireless connection is too far, and we are to busy for our exam.

Speaking about exam. haha, i finish it with style. I'm not saying i am too good in that exam but, i did complete it with a smile. I remember the time our Ophthalmologist kick me out the exam room because i can't remember the common cause for Homonymous Hemianopia. I know the answer actually but i am to nervous to say it. haha. I feel very shame on myself.

Ok, then come the time when we all try to celebrate our end of posting exam. But it seems that this time, no one really celebrate it because everyone is busy packing their stuff to go back to their hometown. For the first time, all of the third year medical student going back home. Before this, there must be someone left in UMS.

I have two days before going back home. So i want to party but with everyone leaving me alone in the hostel, i guess nothing much to do then.

What i'm doing then is most of the time, watching TV about the Malaysia Public Election. It was great to see how a 'stable' government going down so easily in just one night. It is great.

Nothing much to discuss here in this posting. So boring for this one month. I will be taking my elective posting here in my hometown in Labuan. What i will be discussing next in my blog maybe all about my hometown.

I saw a few blog of my friend discussing about politics. I like it but i'm not into it. Don't want to involve in that. So, i am thinking of something to write. Something fresh. Something so fresh. But not now. Now is not the time.ahaha.

_another wasting time to read post_

On Honeymoon Posting

2008-02-15T10:56:00.003+08:00

Well, did i tell earlier that i started my forensic posting last week. haha. I'll be having this posting for 2 weeks. I hate forensic honestly. I hate the smell of dead body, even worse, the decomposed body. But have to endure it for this two weeks. Last group look a little relax on this posting, so i hope after a hard work in Klinik Kesihatan Luyang, i will be enjoying my honeymoon for this 2 weeks in forensic.

Basically, forensic posting is all about waiting. Waiting for the dead to come. And if there is a body come to the department, we all would e very happy. To think in a common sense way, it is not apt to be happy about it. But that is all the entertainment for us. If there is no death, then we will be like a dumb waiting in our pantry.

The problem is, lot of the classes were cancel within this two weeks, and there is not much dead people arrived. Hell. I only went for 2 post mortem, and both cases were not suitable for a case report that have to submit next Monday. I will be dead if i keep like this. Now it is already friday. Should i expect that there will be a murder or suicide case tomorrow? Should i pray for it?

Since we do not have so much cases, one of the case presentation has to be postponed next week. That day we already end our forensic posting. And the other case presentation would be today. But, in the last 30 minutes of waiting for it, the session was postpone suddenly. To when? To the date that even us did not know.

So basically, i am having my honeymoon within this two weeks. Not much dead people. Chinese New Year Holiday some more. Cancel the presentation, the practical and everything. This posting is by far the worse posting i ever experienced. Posting that we can't control the time and schedule. I remember Dr.Choubey say to us, Forensic posting is really unpredictable. We have to wait for the teaching materials cause the teaching materials would not be there as you wish it will be. And to pray for a death is not a good thing to do. No death, means harmony, but mean nothing to learn for us. Worse of you were asked to submit 2 case report in two weeks time where you did not know whether there will be a case to be reported or not.

Haha, anyway, in a positive way, i really enjoy my honeymoon. haha. 2 weeks of honeymoon. What else do you ask for?

'So make the best of this test and don't ask why. It is not a questions but a lesson learn in time...' Greenday.

Ready to cut!

ASCAP23

Valentine's Day Special

2008-02-14T10:58:00.000+08:00

As the time goes by, I keep reading and reading my books and search for knowledge everyday. My life always be fun everyday because I have this kind of formula on unplanned plan. Everyday, instead of the schedule given by my school, I never plan for anything else. Never plan on where to go for dinner, what to do at night, and never ask why I have to do something. I just flow like that everyday, and it is fun. Always fun to be like this.

Sometimes, I even did not count the day and time. Occasionally I look at there calendar and I found that it is already January, 4th of February, 13th of February, what? It’s already February. It always fun to be like this. To be surprised by the date. In my life, I only remember my birthday, Sunday, and holiday.

Ok, so last night, someone was reminding me about today. What day is today?

“Its valentine’s day”

Haha. The day came. A day for all the lovers and couples to express their feeling to each other, give present, flower or something like that. Most of them blindly assume that this day is the day to put down their insecurities. Many make mistake on this day. But the day should always be appreciated since it is the day for love. The day that everyone must love, no war, no fight, no hatred. It is a good day nice.

Last Friday, when I was sitting in the mosque, waiting for the Khutbah, I was reading an article from Muslim Student organization (or something like that). The article mentioned about valentine’ day, about the history, about the story behind it and why they celebrate it. I read it with open minds. I understand the content, and as far as I know, I have been taught about this since I was in primary school. Many people give different opinion about this day.

When I turn on the TV this morning, there was a forum discussing about Teenage love. They are saying that they need to stop this kind of love. They give lots of opinion and lots of suggestion on how to prevent it. By claiming that the teenage to study, and only focus on study, love is only a distraction, lots of problem would occur with it. Every negative perspective have been spit out by the speaker.

So, when it comes to this day, adult would always bring out this issue. When it comes to this day, religious people would always bring out this issue. All of them trying to put down this day, making this day feel so guilt to be celebrated.

So what is it about anyway? I have seen Valentine’s day every year. I know that people are telling the truth about the negative side of this day. This day could bring a lot of impact if you are overstepping it. And I know about the history behind this day. Could be I’m having a sin by appreciating this day. But I don’t give my total agreement for all of this. I did not.
This is because, for me, a day where people are ask to love each other is not a bad thing to do. In this world right now, what we need and only is love. Looking around the world, love is depleting and war emerged. Love is actually the thing that create and that can save us.

The issues of teenage love always being raised in this day. This is not the fault of this day. This is the fault of them by themselves. Teenager should be teach to love in the right way. It is the job for the adults, for those who are really have experienced with it to teach this young immature group about it. Why must they said that young people love is always bad. Why don’t they teach this young group on how to love in a correct way, in a good way. There is always method.

If we celebrate valentine’s day in a church ( if we are muslim) that could be a sin. But if we encourage people to stop fighting and honoring their love one in this day, it could not be a sin. If we want to talk in a religious perspective, we should talk about Halal and Haram about love. Not about the day. In my opinion, in Islam, love is always firs priority. We should Love the God, and we should love mankind. What is matter now is the history behind this day that some people do not want to accept. It is true. We can’t be obsess about this day. It is wrong looking to the history. But what if, in this day, we say that we love someone. Could be we are saying we love our friends, love our parents, love our best friend, sister, and so many more. It could be a good thing. Why don’t we just celebrate it as a day to love people around us? Not to celebrate the history. Like we are celebrating the New Year, all of us celebrate is does not matter if you are Muslim or non. It’s a day that we are waiting for, we gather with our family, go spend some time with friends and everything, no one raised the issues of new year while the calendar we are using right now are calculated using the birth of Christ as a marker. But no one care because we did not celebrate it because of that but because of new year is the time for everyone.

Bla bla bla.

Anyway, I did not see my point here is actually true about this day. Haha. This is because, in valentine’ day, it is always about couples isn’t it. Haha. So the day to love people around you is not suitable for valentine’s. Using my idea would change completely about how they celebrate this day. Argghhh. I am really confused about it though.

As a conclusion, I will always let people decide about it. I totally agree in my religion perspective that we cannot celebrate this day. And I always agree from the adult perspective that this day bring lot of problem. Even though, I always like this day. And I am sure lot of couples our there do. If I said couples, I’m referring to the true lover, a husband and wife out there or for someone who will get married or what ever. If you are in love, a pure love, you should appreciate your love one today. Don’t miss this day just because of people opinion. And for the young couples, go learn some more and grow up quick. Your time will come, cause I know, young lovers always a monkey love. Haha.
You will never know, how love is. Until you use your brain hard enough to think about it very hard. Love that come from the heart, must be analyze by the brain. Haha.

p/s: My hatred is so hard today. Even though it is valentine. A problem that I can’t solve will always me hate those people that always trying to hurt my family. Even it is valentine’s, I will always keep in my heart that anyone that hurt my family will be cursed by the god and if they did not, I will curse them. And don’t let me see you all if I have the opportunity to kill or not saving you from death. Haha.

p/s: Who would be my valentine? Nah, don’t bother to think about

Chinese New Year Tale

2008-02-07T02:37:00.000+08:00

I am a little down for this few weeks. Thinking that something might happen today, something might happen today while actually nothing is happening to me accept everything just float around leaving me behind without anything to hold on.

Chinese new year celebration could be a fun day to start. I could use this new year to re create myself and be again in a life where i use to take control.

A night full of red colour, i take my chances, driving from UMS to Kota Kinabalu to meet my cousin and pick up friends from UMS KAL, i'm changing myself to become more enjoyable tonight. A night of chinese new year eve.

The first thing we do, is to grab a box of donut in BIG APPLE and drive ourselves to Tanjung Aru Beach. Sitting there watching the sea at night, was so wonderful and it is something that make my life cool down a bit. Make me more patience.

Since the beginning of this day, i was complaining about everything. After i opened my eyes in the morning, i complaint about the post mortem that we have to attend at noon. I complaint when the body to be dissected arrived late and i complaint about the smell of the corpse. Everything seems to be going on wrong in my life.

Did i made a wrong choice? Did i lie to myself? Or am i being too honest about everything? I don't know. World is not flat. World is not what we imagine. World is what we are living that make us feel like we don't want to live anymore.

So when i smell and feel the air at the beach, i feel so comfortable. Like the world is comforting me. As i always say to myself about being patient. Don't get mad. Just live it like this. Just be yourself. Now, the world is saying that to me.

Next, after the fun at the beach, we drive to centre point to watch movie. CJ7 i think. We being planning to see this movie since a weeks ago. We bought the ticket, and for a hour and a half of waiting, we play pool in a corner where there are not so many people around.

At first, me and my cousin were playing. And later the friends from UMS-KAL replaced us. Learning how to play, and we teached them how to play. We have fun. Laughing, hitting the ball, and laughing again.

But then, something terrible happen. One of my friend from UMS-KAL seems to be confused because her wallet disappear from her bag that she put on the table beside the pool table. And one of my other friend from UMS-KAL are guarding the table and the bag. How come the wallet disappear just like that?

We take time to think, then finally we made a conclusion. Someone steal her dompet. Aiya. Our movie are starting in a few minutes. We are going round and round searching for her wallet and asking the staff around to find us. But nothing can be done. Everyone is busy. We are allowed to look at the CCTV but we hardly can talk with the women in charge since there is a lot of people losing their bag and wallet that night. Not just us.

So nothing can be done. We drive to the nearest police station, and we have to report about the lost. While the three of my UMS-KAL friends are reporting to the police on-call, me and my cousin had a conversation. Talking about a lot of stuff to keep us entertained.

Finish the report around 1 am in the morning. We sent those three girls back to their place. Me and my cousin then went to Sadong Jaya to eat come nasi lemak. Well, nothing to do. We burn our movie ticket, everything was wrong that night. The comfort of the beach no longer fresh in my physical body. I hate ruined night. Ruined plan.

It seems that it is true that everything that i plan cannot be a success. Until when i will have this curse and i don't know. My life, since the early life, was unplanned. I never plan to do something and get it right.

Maybe the last thing i plan is to enter medical school then i got it.

I remember in Harold and Kumar Goes to White Castle movie, Harold said " I want that feeling, a feeling of a man that get what he desire."

Me, also, want that feeling. A feeling of myself getting what i want and what i plan for done right.

But i also remember the phrase.... don't try to unfold the universe, because the universe will unfold itself. Maybe keeping myself low and patient, can bring some good luck to me later. haha... I wish, i will get to that time soon.

Happy Chinese New Year!

New Year Ghost

2008-01-02T01:45:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow, a new year will begin. I’m feeling great about it. It’s been a long time since I celebrate the last New Year celebration. When was it? The year 2003. I still remember that night clearly in my mind. All of our family sitting on the field with eyes looking at the sky, for 30 minutes later, the dark sky with shining star turned colorful. The sparkling fireworks above us. It was so beautiful, and memorable.

That happens 5 years ago, just after I finish my SPM exam. That time, I wouldn’t expect that I will be here studying medicine. At that time, I did not expect that so many things will happen 5 years later. And how would I change so much, and how much I did not change.

A year later, things change. A lot of things happen to me. A lot of new experience I gained and after that, year after year, I am what I am right now.

31st December 2007, I am remembering the past. Recalling every person I met, every place I have went, every things that I give up with, and every moment that I could not forget. I am excited as everyone else around me. Waiting the New Year to come hoping that the New Year will bring something to our lives. I am waiting for it and I am excited about it.

So what I am going to do on the night of New Year celebration. The first thing I do is to look into my wallet, and I found that there is no more money left. What?!! I spend so much for my car petrol, or else. I cannot recall where my money go. I’m broke.

But celebration is still on. Me and my roommate went to Giant Supermarket, calculating our money, and then decide to buy a drink and a few snacks for us to celebrate. A few friends ask me to go with them watching movie but with my money less than rm100, I deny the invitation. I need to let my spending rest for a moment. ( No one really go for the movie actually)

So when I think about it again, this year New Year, did not make any much difference from last year. Still celebrating New Year in the hostel with peanuts and Pepsi. And this year, sadly, it is still the same. And my roommate chooses the same drink to drink, Pepsi. And I choose the same snack to eat with that drink, peanuts. Another boring New Year celebration coming.

As we wait for the new year, TV shows always sucks (at least this year we have TV to watch, last year we even did not know when is new year because my watch show 12.00 am and my roommate show 11.58 am; turn out to be both of our watches is 10-15 minutes faster so we celebrate the year of 2007 earlier than anyone else in this country). I watch old movie in my laptop, and my roommate watch the sucks TV shows, A few friends from the next room did came to our room to watch TV together. At least many people will bring more fun. Still, the emptiness feeling can be felt inside.

3...2...1... officially they announced that the year 2008 is beginning. We opened up our Pepsi and peanuts, which turn to be not enough for the rest of friends that came to hang out in our room. We share a little bit for each of them making sure everyone got their share.

Sometimes, life is fair (sometimes). Unexpectedly, one of our friend said that he has food supply in his room and he is to kind to share it with us. So this is the first time life become fair. He brings chocolate cakes and some other snacks for us. We call every third year medical student in our block (all of our classmate) to our room and together we eat the cakes and any other food available. Only the drink is not enough. Around 10 people in our small room, eating and laughing for a few minutes before leaving. I feel so happy. Because the empty New Year celebration has been filled with the cheer and joyful of my friend (with foods and drinks).

After all the friends leaved, only a few of us sitting in the room, still watching and ignoring the sucks TV shows, and then discussing (while playing cards) about a party that we tend to organize a few months later. A farewell party for seniors. We discuss, make jokes, still playing cards until the time almost 1.15 am in the morning. Then everyone leave.

I sit in the room alone, with my roommate whereabouts unknown. (He is talking in the phone outside with his girl). I just sit without knowing what to do next. I recall each year that I did not celebrate. Since 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, and this year 2008. I want to celebrate New Year again. With family, with friends, with people that I loved. Each year, I feel like year after year, is going to be boring. The new year going to the same as last year. I did not feel the celebration.

I turn out the light, checking my hand phone, guessing that they would be friends that wish me Happy New Year. Open the inbox of my phone... turn out to be that I only received new year wish from 5 persons tonight; my mom, my sister, Emie mading, Ilah, my foster brother Abang Kamri. I sent wish to many people. Haha. I am laughing to myself. Maybe I am really becoming ghost year after year. Could be that no one remember me anymore. Haha.

Thanks to the 5 person because cheering up my life,(or replying my New Year wish).

I am sitting alone in the room, with no resolution in my mind. With no plan in my mind. With the light turned out. I grab my pillow and close my eyes.

And the flashing fireworks 5 years ago clearly appear in my mind. I will remember that night. I got everything that night. The happiness, family, friends, food and drinks, music, beautiful fireworks, freedom, and a great memory to remember.

As I sleep, my negative thinking appear… that I am the ghost of the year, completely disappear into the future….

ASCAP23 (1st January 2008 2.00 am)

A Short Honest Story

2007-12-19T07:55:00.000+08:00

It’s been a while…

In our life, we kept secret. The secret that nobody would ever know, even the most closest person in our life. The secret that people would not realize and even the secret that someday will never exist again in the surface of the earth.

But why do we keep secret? Why do we try to hide something? And why people keep telling us to be honest. As people would understand what we are facing and what we are having through out our life.

Honest is the main important thing in our social life. We are told to be honest to everyone, so we can make our life better. Not knowing that sometimes, honesty itself can kill us immediately if it is not in the right place or time.

Do you know that guns can kill people immediately, and it also can keep you alive if you use it in a perfect time. Same as the honesty, it can kill us quick and it also can keep us alive.

Lie, lie is the bad thing, negative, cursed, thing that everyone hate. Since the first human born in this world, lie are told to be the most cruelest thing in the world. Lie start a war, lie kill people.

But do you know that poison can make people suffer and die from the inside. But if you use it in a correct dose, you can safe life. And most of the time, it safe life. Same as lie, it can kill us gradually from inside but it also can someone alive or make sure that one is safe.

So most of the time, things told to us, it must not really have to be a bad thing or good thing. It is for us to decide how to use it. It is for us to shape our own life and make the end differently.

I use to kept secret and tell a lie. And I use to become honest when I should. But lie still a lie and I’m honest about the honest thing about my life. If you are honest about your lie, it does not make sense. I cannot tell the truth about a lie.

So how to break this rules honestly? It is a complicated theory.

For example, if someone would ask you to tell the truth, what you should do is to tell that person the truth, at the same time, you will put the lie behind the dot of your sentences. It means that you will not mention about the lie but giving the capital or the heading about it.

If you are late for a meeting, because you woke up late in the morning because last night you are partying the whole night long, then the only truth you would tell is, I woke up late because I sleep late last night. Leaving the fact about the party last night.

The hard thing when someone ask you to describe about the late sleep thing. You would say about where do you go for example to Mimi’s house.

For someone that are too curious, she/he would say, what are you doing there?

And you would answer just hanging around, drinking and chatting.

For all the statement you made, everything was honest and the truth. But not completely honest and the lie you are hiding is there in the statement but it is behind the dot..

I’m just hanging around, drinking and chatting. Partying.  behind the dot.

Completely honest but at the same time, not telling the truth.

ASCAP46
18th December 2007.