they will know us by our Love

week 6, go hard

2009-07-05T08:54:00.003-05:00

Hola! So my shoulders and back are sore from using a computer all day... so this is kind of the last thing I want to be doing right now, but o well...
I'm sitting at Caffe Tazza in Tyler. It's a nice place... I got iced chai tea...

I can't believe first half is already over... the days and sometimes weeks were so long, but the half went so so fast... I didn't post after last week because I was such an emotional wreck, I couldn't bear thinking about it again... So, now that I am feeling better, here it goes... an edited version.

Week 4 was pretty terrible, not gonna lie. It all started with me saying, "I just feel like this is going to be a bad bad day..." on Tuesday morning. oh, Tuesday was the best of the bad days. Wednesday night ended late with most staff not getting much sleep... kids were getting sick and counselors were getting sick and the others were getting tired... just to be clear, there was not a flu outbreak at the towers... it was a virus of some sort... The same kind that any group of children anywhere could get because they lick their hands and eat mulch and touch everything and everyone. Thursday, the storm hit. We had to close down camp, and it was AWFUL. I spent all day with the sick kids, which just killed me emotionally. The next two days were spent cleaning the camp... there's a video on pinecove.com if you want to see what all was cleaned. aka everything. Mulch, trees, the sides of buildings... if a kid could touch it, it was bleached.

It was a pretty terrible week, and I would never wish it upon anyone... But what everyone gained from it was incredible... First of all, that Monday... literally hours before it all started, my Bible study went over Psalm 23... We talked about how He provides rest for us... not only does He provide it, he makes us rest... He leads us through the valley of the shadow of death... Now, it wasn't like we were walking through death... please don't read that that way. haha. But it was still an ultimate low for everyone there... we were tired, sick, and confused... the kids were freaking out and the only reason we weren't freaking out was because we didn't have time to stop and think about it. We were without rest... then all of the kids left. He literally forced us to rest. The whole time it was going on, I kept praying, "You lead us to rest, you lead us beside calm waters..." and then He provided rest...
Another thing that we gained was the fact that we were living out the Bible study that the kids were going over... They learn about Joseph all week, and let's be honest, Joe's life wasn't that great... They were being taught that Joseph remained joyful despite and regardless of his circumstances. All of a sudden, we were in a situation that no one liked and no one had control over and no one understood... But the kids were able to see our joy... We were living out the story of Joseph in front of them...
Finally, we unfortunately got to see a statement that is said to us over and over again during orientation become reality... "Make every moment count, we are not promised tomorrow with these kids..." Welp... we really didn't get tomorrow with those kids... Counselors were so so upset because kids went home without having one-on-ones... The gospel talk was moved to Thursday night this year, so they went home without hearing that... Our mission was broken... I think this really woke the staff up... There is never a moment where your actions and your words should not be showing these kids Jesus... What was really cool was that these kids and parents were able to see Jesus by the way we reacted to the situation...
Week 5 was much better... It went by fast, and now a lot of people are going home, but I don't do goodbyes because I get freaked out by the fact that I might not see some of these people ever again. Totally freaks me out. So I just stand in a corner and let people come say bye to me if they want to... if not, talk to ya on facebook, yo.

Well... I hope week 6 is better than all of the weeks previous... ha.

Been a month... I've already been sick, but already gotten better... ha.

2009-06-19T22:02:00.002-05:00

hey-0!

1. I am SO tired. I can't believe it's been 4 weeks since I updated... The past 4 weeks have gone by so so so fast...

2. I LOVE my job at the office... love love love it. The first two weeks were so hard adjusting to Towers life during the evenings but it's getting better... only every other day was tear-full... ha. No, not quite that much...

My job first consisted of 2.5 weeks of paperwork. Every. Single. Staffer's paperwork... we have about 900 staffers. No big... The weirdest part of it was that I would realize that I had spent 8 hours purely filing paperwork... and only realized it had been that long AFTER... I guess it's a good sign that I don't get tired of tedious work? haha. This past week, I have started calling schools and hotels to get recruiting trips planned... I have my own computer and phone... It kind of scares me that I enjoy this job so much bc I DEF don't want to spend the rest of my life doing something like this... but... I totally could, ya know? ha... hmm... career change? doubtful.
I do a lot of other random jobs too... Like, really random. I get to go to other camps a lot, which I love, because it's given me a HUGE appreciation for God placing me at the Towers... there is no way I could work at any other camp... I love all those camps, but seriously, it's so cool how everyone ends up exactly where they need to be...

3. I will post pictures later. But after I struggled so much week 1 with being at the Towers, God placed some AWESOME reminders of why I do what I do weeks 2 and 3... Week 2, the nurse's 6 year old daughter came with her to do day camp... so in the mornings and evenings, she hung out with me! A single girl has never brought me so much joy... She would scream my name and run up to me and jump in my arms every single time she saw me... We did crafts together, and ate meals together... oh my goodness, she was incredible! She was so honest and so blunt... It was a great reminder to speak with confidence the things I know to be true... Another fact that I was encouraged by today reading John... Jesus was overflowing with truth... the part where he is calling his rebukers sons of the devil... I've been reading John in order to familiarize myself with Jesus again... to examine what he was like, his characteristics and his personality... I LOVE how honest He is in that passage... I've always felt bad for being honest... I feel like people make it sound like a bad thing... but Jesus is just constantly speaking truth into these people's lives, and He doesn't apologize for stepping on their toes... It was encouraging for me to know that my honesty is a gift... and also a challenge to stand firm in what I know to be true and to speak that out... That doesn't mean I need to be harsh or rough... I definitely need to grow in gentleness too...
Anyway, Josie, the girl just absolutely MADE my week... On Friday, she gave me this necklace her mom had made with a pine cone charm... it's yellow with a few green beads... I LOVE IT... omg... I missed her so much this past week...
This week, I got the incredible blessing of being the adopted staff for the crib... These girls are HILARIOUS... they are constantly one-uping each other and telling little lies to impress me... haha... One girl told me that her family calls her Troggie... hahaha... huh, that's ironic... I've loved getting to spend time with them and listen to their ridiculous stories and (not) so funny jokes... I also got to spend a little time with 2 of my castle rock cribbers from last year... omg omg I love them so much! They are going into 2nd grade now, and one of them ran and jumped into my arms and then told me, "ever since you were my camp teacher, I have dreamed that you would be back here with me..." aahh! Today she called me Froggie... that made my LIFE.
God has just been beating into my head the idea of placing my hope or expectation in Him and Him only... It's so easy to place my expectation on my friends, or my superiors... but let's be honest, they fail to meet those expectations, and I'm left frustrated or even angry. Psalm 62: 5 says, "Let all that is within me wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him." My hope shouldn't be in those around me, or my bosses, or my family, or my roommates... It should be in Him... He is the only one who will truly satisfy...

Ok, I'm going to go back to camp... Hopefully I will get pics up tomorrow... Pray for perseverance and joy and strength in the Lord for all the staff this week... Week 4 is hard...

Live from Hollywood...

2009-05-20T19:49:00.004-05:00

I am currently watching the American Idol finale... I haven't really watched ai this season, but I always like the finale... I always thought I wanted Adam to win, bc he has an incredible voice... but I had never heard Kris before... yeah now I want Kris to win... He's so adorable!
I love this show so much... haha! Here is my take so far: First of all, I died of happiness when Jason Mraz walked out... gah I love him.
The Keith/Kris/Kiss A Girl combination basically sold Kris for me... a. I love that song, b. Kris is a better singer than Keith Urban... sorry... but that's what happens when you are American Idol bred...
I called it early on, I didn't think a girl would make it to the final two based on the one show I did see 10 finalists ago... The girls were WEIRD... And I still think so... Fergie just blew them all to peices... Can I just say that I love that Black Eyed Peas came out with a new song!? oh boom boom pow... now, I am not endorsing the lyrics... but I really do like the song... ha. And that girl can sing... although I kind of think she looks like a man.
Oh gosh, Allison Iraheta was just outweirded... Cyndi Lauper is STRANGE... Please find that on youtube if you can...

I started studying for the GRE today... that was an epic fail. Aaron and I went to this coffee shop in Allen, and I studied, and he... sat. Well yeah, I scored a LOT lower on the diagnostics test than I need to score on the actual test... but I guess it's ok, since I haven't studied yet...? Ironically, I scored higher on the math section than the verbal section... I took the SAT 3 times, and scored higher on the verbal section every time... Granted, I kept having to ask Aaron to look up formulas for me... But I haven't done real math in 2.5 years!

Adam is singing now... He has... wings? haha... Man he really is incredible... But I feel like Kris is more the face of America... and could make it better in the mainstream music industry... We all already know Adam is going to have plenty of offers to do... whatever it is he does... Oh, Kiss just showed up to sing with him... naturally. Yeah I like the Kris/Keith duo a lot better. haha. eewww they are so gross... I didn't realize they were still together... I am actually really repulsed right now... I mean, I do like this song... Yet another example of where the Idol is a better singer than the guest performer...

oooh a toms/AT&T commercial! hooray! I could call Blake without charge...
AAAHHHH HARRY POTTER COMMERCIAL! man two of my favorite things right in a row! Blair and I already asked Robby for that night off... haha!

Steve Martin is OLD.

Most of my camp friends are at camp by now, and it's killing me... I am still trying to get myself pumped up for the next 12 weeks... but wanting to be with those people is definitely helping.

I found this book the other day in an unsuccessful search for The Cost of Discipleship... It's called How to Stay Christian in College... I received it as a graduation gift... I got a LOT of books like that for graduation. Sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Hudgins, I didn't read it... But it definitely peaked my interest when I stumbled across it the other day... my first thought was, "welp, managed 3 years without needing this book..." And then I realized that I'm pretty sure I did stop being a "Christian" during college... Not necessarily Christian as in follower of Christ... but the religious part... Christianity as a religion is about rules and check lists and all the things you aren't supposed to do and everything you should do to "remain Christian"... Christianity as a relationship is about abiding in Christ and obeying Him... Who needs checklists when you're walking with Christ? I've learned that most Christians would probably be appalled with the things Christ did, and the things He actually calls us to do...
I skimmed the book, and while I'm sure there are stellar parts that I didn't read, but what I did read... in order to stay "Christian," basically, I needed to join a Christian Fellowship club thingie(plus church)...(oops...), date only Christians, and have only Christian friends. Sweet. Unfortunately, college taught me that being a Christian doesn't really cut it when it comes to dating... (let me interject with the fact that the two finalists are singing We Are The Champions with the still living of Queen right now... yeah Adam rocks the voice, let's be honest. Go play the Phantom on Broadway... Let Kris be the rockstar...) Anyway, back to what I learned... yeah, I've dated Christians... but I've learned that there are deeper theological issues that Satan uses to tear the church apart, much less a marriage... The book talks about being "equally yoked," but the author interprets that as just being a "Christian..." Well... someone can claim to be a Christian and not actually be following Christ.

He's announcing it right now... KRIS!! YESSSS... gosh I have a gift for these things... haha... oh man I am SO buying his album... American finally got it right... :)

Well... camp starts for me in 2 days... maaaaannn I don't like thinking about that. There are definitely some ways yall can be praying for me... These are the desires of my heart for this summer...
* Humility
* For God to break my heart for what breaks His...
* An undivided heart
* Joyful countenance

Since this is probably my last post before camp, if you are reading this, please write me! :)
I seriously cry sometimes when I get letters... haha. Sadly, I am so not kidding.

Trogdizzle the Explorizzle
Pine Cove Towers
PO Box 9055
Tyler, Tx. 75711

Is it sad that I have had that address memorized since I was around 14 years old? baha...

Much love!

2009-05-09T20:57:00.002-05:00

Since I typically use blogging and a form of procrastination from studying, and I did such a great job of not doing so last week when I lived in the library, I figured now would be a good time to do so...
I love lists. I am going to make a list right now. However, there will be no order... When I make playlists on my iTunes, it takes me 20 minutes to decide on an order... If I mess up and end up making a cd with the wrong order, I have to skip that song that is out of place because it bothers me. So I'm just going to word-vomit it out in no particular order.

This is a list of things that I will remember or that impacted my life or whatever from my junior year of college. Some of them are happy, some of them are sad. That's the only intro it's gettin.

* Roadtrippin to Kansas City with Lacey, Abbey, Lindsey, and Allison for Mark's wedding... The time in the car is a memory on it's own.

* Then there is the night we explored Kansas City with Josiah and Bryce... Seeing that creepy "scientology rips families apart" man standing at the corner of the street, and Josiah pulling his gun out to protect us...

* All of us trying to make it up what seemed like a huge hill to the house we stayed at in Kansas City... slipping on the ice and freezing to death and Allison with snot running down her face and Lacey wiping her nose for her...

* Waiting for my roomie to get engaged and then hearing about her getting engaged and then screaming with her about getting engaged and then getting to live with an engaged person... which is so weird, let's be honest.

* Waiting for my Caleb to get engaged and then realizing that my first best friend from childhood/high school was engaged which is so weird...

* Watching Lindsey and Stephen get engaged.... Running across Texas A&M campus in a dress carrying my shoes to get to the Century Tree in time... So basically, three of my really good friends all got engaged in the span of a month. And so it begins.

* Surviving Greek with Sam... Barely surviving Greek with Sam... crying in class and in my professor's office over Greek. Celebrating by never opening that book ever again when Greek was over.

* Finding an apartment to live in with Rach, Lace, Alyssa, and Abs!

* Waking up at 4:00 am to work the Bearathon...

* Receiving a scholarship from StuFu... which just blew my mind and provided such encouragement.

* Driving home from work and crying uncontrollably for some weird reason, and then getting home, and crying through Heroes... and then Friends... and forgetting why I was crying but still not being able to stop...

* Flying to Corpus Christi for Baylor... and getting my own suite... and then driving all the way back 2 days later when Waco was iced over...

* Realizing that I had bed bugs dwelling in my mattress and coming out every night to feed on me... and then having to get rid of my mattress that I've had since forever.

* Getting the flu. boo.

* Seeing Phil Wickham... and Robbie Seay... and Dave Barnes... But mainly Phil Wickham.

Ok well that's all I can think of right now... I'm sure there are more, I just don't remember! Which I guess is the point of this list... Things I won't forget... haha. :)

2 weeks till camp. Am I nervous? Yes...

Forensic Psych final on Monday... I have been so spoiled at Baylor... Dallas has no where to study after 11:00 pm... What kind of library closes at 6:00pm!?! haha... They need Common Grounds in every city. But only not as cool as the original. Just bc then it wouldn't be as cool...

All my delight is in You, Lord...
All of my hope...
All of my strength...

Ode to Caleb

2009-04-28T14:23:00.009-05:00

So... one of my best friends from high school, Caleb, got engaged the other day... I knew it was coming, but I'm still so excited! So... even though he probably won't ever see this, this is my ode to Caleb.
You know that core group of friends you have in high school? The ones you do absolutely everything with and celebrate holidays with and attend distant relatives birthdays with and their parents basically consider you a child, and you cried so hard after graduating because you knew that your friendships with those people would never be the same? Yes, well, mine consisted of Kaitlyn, Caleb, Bryan, and myself. It was an interesting dynamic... we were each independently very good friends with each other, and our individual relationships were very different from the others... It's almost like the cast of Friends... Ross and Rachel have a unique friendship, and so does Ross and Chandler, and Monica and Rachel, and Monica and Chandler, and Ross and Monica, and Chandler and Rachel... but they are all still very good friends as a whole, too. Caleb... Caleb was the friend that I called when I didn't understand my science homework... and who I called when I was mad at Bryan... and who I could sit with in his living room for hours in silence, because we both appreciated silence just as much a talking. He should be recognized for my passing of the physics lab senior year... haha. We started going to school together in 8th grade, but really did not become friends until Junior year... My high school experience was a funny one, since I didn't start speaking until senior year. hah... But that's another story. Actually, my first memory of being friends with Caleb was sophomore year, when I sat next to him in Geology, and he would share his lunch with me, bc it was the period before the period before lunch, so we got hungry! I loved the fact that his mom packed his lunch... and baked fresh cookies every morning before school... My mom wasn't even awake when I left for school. Junior year, we dominated Chemistry together... But senior year is really where our story began.
Caleb and I sat by each other in Rhetoric, my least favorite class at Coram Deo, second only to Algebra 2 in 9th grade... The picture of me making a face... yes, that's us in Rhetoric. And I wasn't making a face for the camera. We also were part of the group of Calculus survivors that year... Calculus was optional, so slowly, during the first semester, the class dropped from 10 people to 5... 4 of which were me, Kaitlyn, Caleb, and Bryan... and then Kaitlyn's ex boyfriend. haha, I'm sorry, I just still think that's so funny. I can honestly say that Kaitlyn and I held our own in that class, even though the guys thought they understood it a lot better... We would have competitions to see who did their homework right... which we had all done together at either Caleb or Bryan's house the night before...
The social aspect of our friendship was my favorite part. We would watch SNL at Caleb's house on Saturday nights, Leno on weeknights... His dad would make us popcorn, even though Caleb doesn't like it... haha. Caleb's family has this huge chair, and 3 of us would always cram ourselves into it... and just sit... sometimes fall asleep... I feel like we mainly just enjoyed eachothers company, regardless of what we were doing...
Every Friday, after Physics lab, Caleb, Bryan and I would go to this legit donut shop and eat donuts... We would make regular trips to Target, the main hang out in Flo Mo... haha. We would also make trips to Whole Foods a party. That was fun.
We went to the Village together, enjoyed Coldplay together, ate meals... sometimes both lunch and dinner in the same day, together... Many New Years were spent at his house...
Last year, his family moved to a different house, and I seriously almost cried... there were so many memories in his old house, I didn't think I would be able to go to the new house... But it's become just as enjoyable.
Caleb's family is very... well, everything has a place and a purpose... For example, they have milk glasses and juice glasses... The juice glasses have fruit on them, and the milk glasses have little cows on them... Well, when I learned this, I thought it was absolutely histerical, so, it's now tradition to drink water out of a milk glass... every.single.time I go over there... Much to his mom's horror. haha
When we graduated, Caleb went to TCU, Bryan to Tech, and Kaitlyn to UTTyler. We were basically spread out across Texas... I was so upset, and breaks were spent hanging out with each other every moment we could... But then Caleb got a girlfriend.
This is important. Caleb had never dated in high school... Seriously guys, this is what we had to listen to all senior year: "I'm never going to get married, I'm going to be single forever, No one likes me, I hate my life..." Well, turns out, he's the first in our graduating class to be engaged. HAHA... he would be...
Well, Amanda is adorable, and she's perfect for Caleb... the Walle picture is them... see? Aren't they so cute?
Anyway... I love and miss him... and our Leb, Lyn, Ley, Bry(haha his name never worked) group... But I can't wait to see his and Amanda's relationship grow and be at his wedding next year! yay!

all creation felt a Father's broken heart

2009-04-28T01:26:00.003-05:00

So I'm sitting here trying to figure out what construct validity is... and of course I get distracted, because that's what I do best. hah.

A few things:

1. I can't believe this year is almost over. I can see the end of the tunnel and I can remember a in February when I honestly didn't think it was going to end... or I just wasn't going to make it out alive.

2. God is so freaking awesome. I was awarded the Bill and Nancy Harlan Endowed Student Foundation Scholarship... I got this sweet trophy that says, "The scholarship is awarded annually to a junior member of the foundation who has made a distinctive contribution to the Student Foundation as identified by the Steering Committee." Still not sure how I ended up with this... haha. I was shocked and confused, if you can only imagine. But I do know that it's a $2,000 scholarship... I'll take it!

3. True Love is still blowing my mind... So many great lines... When blood and water hit the ground, walls we couldn't move came crashing down... we were free and made alive... I just love that it starts out saying "True Love died..." and ends with singing "Jesus is alive..." because that's the best part! Our God conquered death! A feat no other god has accomplished before!

4. So I figured since I tell yall about my physical illnesses such as puking everywhere with no shame, I could tell you about my emotional symptoms without being awkward about it, too. Plus, it's nice to have an outlet. Even if you never bring it up, you still know, in case you need to know... if that makes sense. Anyway, I had an anxiety attack today. Fun. No, actually, not fun. I just hate that I feel like everything is completely out of control when that happens... I know the things going through my head freaking me out are completely irrational, but I can't help it. So then I just get so angry with myself. But no worries, I haven't been having these very often since I started the meds... This is only the 2nd one, I think. And it only lasted like 10 minutes... It just kind of worries me about if it happens while I'm at camp... what will I do? Well, actually, Allison and I already discussed how I am going to go into her cabin when I have a panic attack in the middle of the night... She said she'd have a bunk saved just for me. :)

5. I LOVE this: "We who have fled to Him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God's inner sanctuary. Jesus has already gone in there for us. He has become our eternal High Priest..." -- Hebrews 6:18b-20

6. I love good conversations with dear friends. Especially when those dear friends understand you. And make you laugh.

7. Group projects are the dumbest idea since dark chocolate. Seriously, what were they thinking?

8. Tomorrow: Group presentation 1, group presenation 2, forensic psych, tennis, tutor, law school seminar, tutor, write write write write write.

*search your heart, you know you can't deny it. come on, lose your life just so you can find it.*

A love more faithful than the morning...

2009-04-26T14:44:00.003-05:00

So... the Phil Wickham concert rocked my world. His voice is without a doubt the best voice I have ever heard live... ever. the end. His recorded songs give him no justice. The night was so refreshing... Charlie Hall opened and set the mood as a worship concert... It was so cool to be able to worship with 400 other strangers crammed into the backyard of Common Grounds... One of my favorite things about going to Baylor. Since I go to David Crowder Band's church, for the past year I have contemplated how I felt about worship concerts... A lot of people don't like to go to UBC bc they feel like very Sunday is just another dc*b concert. I've decided I absolutely love the environment of worship at UBC. These guys are SO talented. So so so talented. By offering the Lord their best, they are worshipping... They don't have to be singing or even playing a worship song to praise Him... Once, during Christmas time, they played Carol of the Bells, and it was beautiful... There was no singing involved, and the congregation watched as they played, but they were pouring their hearts out to the Lord, giving Him the talents He gave them as offerings. Just because their "best" happens to be a lot better than some other worship pastors "best" does not mean they are making it into a show. They are offering their Father all they have. I thought about this while I was at the Charlie Hall concert too... What a blessing it is to be led in worship by the men who wrote the songs... I just get so encouraged by watching them use their gifts to worship Jesus.

And then there was Mr. Wickham... oh, how I love you. Quote from the evening:

Me: Is he married?
Aaron: [peering over the crowd] Looks like it...
Me: nooooo... Maybe it's a purity ring.

Haha... Seriously, the man is a stud. That wears girl jeans. haha.
Anyway, I just was so encouraged during his set... Something really interesting has happened in result to my depression this semester... My entire life, I have been absolutely terrified of death. Knowing that I would get to spend eternity with my Abba never helped... It scared me so bad. The idea of Jesus coming back again resulted in the same emotions... I think what scared me most about that was the fear that Jesus would leave me behind... that I wasn't really a Christian, or something like that... But over the past semester, it's not that I have come to anticipate death, but I have much less of a fear for it. My depression has made me want to leave this life and be with Jesus, because I feel like my life sucks and life with Him will be so much better... This shouldn't scare anyone... I don't have suicidal thoughts and I definitely don't want to end my life to accomplish this... But I guess it's made me realize how crappy this life is and how great that life will be... If that makes sense... For 20 years, my life was great, and I never had anything real to complain about... Not that that has changed... I am still so blessed... but I guess I've had a wake up call, and can actually understand why Paul tells believers to be encouraged by getting to hang out with Jesus for eternity... something that had always scared me before. Phil played two songs that literally brought me to tears and have been on repeat on my iTunes since Friday night. Here are those songs:

Come close listen to the story
About a love more faithful than the morning
The Father gave His only Son just to save us

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Fathers Broken Heart
Tears were filling Heaven's Eyes
The day that True Love died, the day that True Love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that True Love died, The day that True Love died

Search your heart you know you can't deny it
Come on, lose your life just so you can find it
The Father gave His only Son just to save us

Now, Jesus is alive
[True Love]

I see Your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You’re beautiful

I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It’s all proclaiming who You are
You’re beautiful, You're beautiful

I see you there hanging on a tree
You bled and then you died and then you rose again for me
Now you are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You’re beautiful, you're beautiful

When we arrive at eternity’s shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we’ll sing
You’re beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

I see Your face, You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful
[Beautiful]

--1 Thessalonians 4:13-18--

Thanks for listening...

this is too long. but i like it.

2009-04-24T12:58:00.007-05:00

I have a sudden urge to update everyone on my life. And by everyone, I mean the few stragglers that read this thing. To you, I am grateful. You continue to read these even though I probably sound like a crazy person.

Well, last week, I was a crazy person. Ok... wait. FIRST OF ALL, my TR classes have just been da bomb dot com lately. I have learned a ton. I feel like I could just talk for hours about what we discussed in my classes.

Ok, now, LAST Thursday, I went to class, ya know, the usual...I went to my Christian Ethics class, and we had a discussion on using technology to prolong life. I did not realize that people were actually trying to make it to where we are immortal... People actually think that's possible! Well, actually, what blows my mind even more is the fact that people want to be immortal! It shows that without Jesus, this life is all we have... How scary death is without our Savior! We discussed the secular and religious problems with immortality... Would you really want to live forever in the equivalent of an 85 year-old's body? We would have to first improve the quality of life... That's just one of the problems with these efforts... I seriously was just shocked the entire discussion.

Then I went to Forensic Psychology, and I decided that I want to learn how to hypnotize people. haha.

That night, I drove to Tyler to surprise my best friend from high school, Kaitlyn, for her 21st birthday! hooray! She was so surprised! I got back at 3:30 AM and then went to aerobics the next morning at 8:00. That wasn't too pleasant. But it was so worth it to see my Kait!

On Saturday, I saw Robbie Seay in concert... oh, and Avalon. Remember them? My middle school obsession... We weren't planning on seeing Avalon, but the concert was running behind, so we basically got the whole show. ha. They sang Everything To Me, the song that Stephanie and I had solos on for Youth Choir once... And Testify to Love. I was laughing the entire time... especially when they sang to a track.
Robbie Seay, however, was legit. I love them. So so so refreshing and challenging at the same time.

Sunday, another birthday road trip took place. I drove to College Station for my lobster, Blair's 21st birthday... You know that person that understands you so well because she would do the exact same thing? Well, that's Blair. We are both Introvert-Sensing-Thinking-Judging on the Myers-Briggs Test... and I'm Lion/Beaver and she's Beaver/Lion... together, we complete the task oriented duo. Anyway, her partay was hilarious and funny... and I got to spend time with some people whom I love so much but don't get to see nearly enough...

Tuesday was another learning day. I went to the McLennon County Courthouse to sit in on a court session... The man on trial was charged with 5 accounts of aggravated sexual assault on a child and 3 accounts of indecency with a child. He could potentially get life in prison. The first time I sat in and watched, they were finalizing jury selection, so the people were having to answer questions about how they felt about the case and judging him fairly. A lot of people did not believe they could be fair because of the severity of the crimes he committed. This is a problem I have with the court system. I realize it has to be done, but I hate it. The prosecution has to prove to the best of their ability that he committed these crimes, and the jury has to decide if it's enough proof to convict him. Based on one decision, this man could be spending his life in prison! What if he didn't do it? Despite the lies of CSI, it's not seriously possible to prove 100% to the jury that someone committed a crime, unless it's seen by the jury with their own eyes. I really don't know if I could hold the prosecution to a reasonable burden of proof when it comes to crimes that involve life or death. I honestly believe that people are conviction pron, especially in cases that involve children. They see these hurting children on the witness stand, and they want someone to pay. Just the fact that the man was in the courtroom about to go on trial had already convinced most of the 50 semi-finalists(haha) that he deserved to be punished. We have the "innocent until proven guilty" rule... but I don't think that protects people like it should.
But, in this case, this man was toast. His own son ratted him out, basically. The fact that all 8 of these charges involved his 13 year-old daughter probably sentenced him to a very long jail time.

I left the courthouse to go straight to my Christian Ethics class, where we discussed Euthanasia, which ended up being a very heated discussion. First of all, I really don't like it when people who don't know the Bible try to talk about Jesus as if they understand Him. One guy talked about how we should do everything we can to keep someone from dying or to continue his or her live(feeding tubes, machines, etc.) because Jesus healed everyone He could, and we are supposed to be like Jesus. But, Jesus didn't heal everyone he could. He let Lazarus die. I do not think that Jesus healed for the sole reason of healing. He healed in order to bring glory to God. I understand why people want to keep their loved ones going as long as possible with the hope that a miracle will take place, but sometimes I think it would be better to let them go. I don't know, this is another subject I have not put a lot of thought into, and I have opposing ideas that hinder me from taking a side... I think there is a very big difference between injecting someone with something to cause them to die and taking them off a machine to allow them die... And I think that once a life cannot naturally go on, maybe it's time to go...
This is one of those things that I cannot comprehend how people who don't believe in Jesus can make it... If I didn't think eternity with my Father was waiting for me, I guess I would want to stay here as long as I could...

The other day, a homeless man came up to Rachel in our parking lot and asked if we had a place for him to stay... Reasonably, Rachel was freaked out. It makes me so sad that this has to happen... So many people in America have huge homes with rooms they never use, but people have to sleep outside on the ground every night! I realize that a lot of these people don't want to work and just want to live off of other people, but Jesus didn't say to love and care for them if they were contributing citizens. His call is love without conditions. I also think it's so sad that this grown man had to resort to asking a 21 year old girl for shelter. How humiliating is that? I wonder what happened to him... Obviously, I do not think it would have been wise to let him stay at an apartment with 3 girls... but that doesn't make it any less frustrating!

Thursday=Diadeloso, aka Day of the Bear... aka no classes! haha! I love Baylor so much! I slept in, went to court again, and then Abbey and I went and had lunch at Dia... which ended up being fiasco, but it was free, so whatevs. And then... Dave Barnes and Eisley!! hooray! I love outdoor concerts! Especially when those concerts are free! It was great, although it got over at 1:00am...

Tonight= Student Foundation Scholarship Banquet, which means fancy food and business professional clothes. boo. Then Phil Wickham and Charlie Hall at Common Grounds! yay!

Tomorrow= Baseball game, Rachel/Corey engagement party, and ZZZ Pajama party... ahahaha.

One week of class left. Then one week of finals. I will be home 2 weeks from Monday... YES.
Sorry this is long. I feel like my life is one big story.

Let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up. Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone-- especially to those in the family of faith. [Galations 6:9-10]

Community... it comes in strange ways.

2009-04-12T03:39:00.003-05:00

welp... it's 3:40 am and I can't sleep. I laid in bed for about an hour and then gave up.

Let me tell you about my week.

Last Friday, a road trip to Tyler, Texas took place. It involved the tunage of "Jessie's Girl," High School Musical 3, "Shake It" and Jack Johnson to name a few. Poor Daniel had to endure the HSM3 and Taylor Swift for a little while. It's what happens when 3 future roommates slash musical soul mates are in one car. Somehow, I think he lived.

Camp was a blast. This was my first time back to camp since December, and thus the first time back since the depression had kicked in. A loss of interest in PC had been involved, and so I was nervous about going back... I mean, the medication has definitely helped, but at the same time, I I had also spent months moving on and letting go before finding out I was coming back... I had already given up the name Troggie... I was ok with the idea of no longer pushing children on swings or telling them not to step on the rope at the Breathtaker or cleaning up their spills in the Rock. Even though I'm still trying to totally pump myself up for this summer, the weekend was almost successful. Almost.

There were some new staffers at this conference, and honestly, I think getting to know them helped me get excited about camp more than the food or the cheers or setting up for Pitch Black Attack. Again. I cannot WAIT to hang out with them every day all summer. They are studs. On Sunday, we forgot to serve grapes to the campers for breakfast... Which meant we each got to take home AT LEAST a bag of grapes. Lacey and I actually took 2 bags each. This turned into a fun little game. All of us were sharing grapes and throwing them at each other and these grapes actually served as a type of community builder. Unfortunately, they may have also been our demise. God was probably laughing at us touching all these grapes and then throwing them to see who could catch them in their mouths... oh silly us. If we only knew.

Driving home was not quite as pleasant... I wasn't feeling too swell. But I got home, managed to eat a couple strawberry twizzlers and peanut butter crackers... and then it hit. Oh. My. Gosh. The PAIN. My stomach hurt SO bad I thought I was dying. My roommate ended up cooking something for dinner that I'm sure tasted delicous but my poor stomach could not handle the smell so I had to leave right then. I thought that maybe I was hungry, so I stumbled to my car and drove to Panera, the only place that almost sounded edible. I got there at 8:16. Panera closed at 8:00. Since I had already spent most of my energy trying not to pass out while driving South on 35, I sat in the parking lot and stared at the door of Panera for a few minutes... and then slowly made my way back to my apartment. But remember, I couldn't go back into my apartment. So I rolled down a window and turned the heater up and laid in my car for about an hour, praying that I wouldn't throw up. I guess I thought I felt good enough to go to StuFu meeting... so I did. But I left after 10 minutes and drove back to my apartment parking lot and laid there for another half an hour and then texted Rachel, who was at a meeting, to see if she could bring me some sprite. So she did, and then told me to go to Jessie and Alexis' apartment and lay down on their couch. So I did. She also gave me some pepto pills, which I took, although I was skeptical. I kid you not, 5 minutes after taking those pills, I threw up really really nasty things. And also, what kind of bathroom has carpet in the toilet area? Whose idea was that? I was hoping after this, I would be feeling better... But I wasn't, and it was getting late. So I went back to my apartment and Rachel lit candles in our room and I opened a window because I was sufficating and then curled up in a ball on my floor. Don't worry, I only puked one more time after that. eewwwwww. I hate throwing up. I cry every time. I stand there and feel helpless and alone. Luckily, this is only the 2nd time I have ever thrown up since middle school, so it's not like I feel helpless and alone standing over a toilet on a regular basis.

I tried to go to Aerobics the next morning, but alas, one lap around the room made me regret this decision. No class for me. I went back home and laid on the couch. All day. My dear friend, Jonathan Break It Down Fletcher came all the way from LSU and sat with me... and then fell asleep on my floor... and then sat with me when I fell asleep on my couch... and then watched Hannah Montana with me. Seriously, I love that kid. We came up with the phrase, "There are more buffalo in the pit..." For Towers staffers who are distressed because their camp crushes don't like them back... because let's be honest, they NEVER do... It's all good, there are more buffalo in the pit! :)

Well during this awful turn of events, I found out that at least 5 of my fellow staffers and many of the campers at the Towers that weekend were going through the same things I was! Hooray for community through puking! I felt so overjoyed to know that I was not alone! Now it's turned into this huge joke and we seriously are better friends because of it. ha. God is mysterious.

Well don't worry, folks, my week gets EVEN BETTER. On Tuesday, I wake up, still feeling weak, but much better, only to find that there are bed bugs. EVERYWHERE. ooohh my gosh. I wish I could tell you where all we found them, but I'm afraid you might have nightmares. Yes, my apartment is infested with bed bugs. How does that even happen? Where on earth did they even come from? Rach and I had been getting bites all over our arms... legs... backs... faces... for about a month, but we really had no idea where they were coming from... I mean, yeah, at one point the thought, "What if I have bed bugs?" did cross my mind... but who really thinks that their bed is home to hundreds of tiny little blood sucking bugs?

So that has been an adventure. Goodbye mattress that I have had my entire life. I'm trying not to think about it right now since sentamental things like that are what sometimes spur my crying with no control moments... but seriously, someone's gonna pay. :) But seriously. haha.

During this time, I hadn't been taking my medication... a bunch of different reasons... So on Wednesday, when another emotional blow that isn't worth mentioning took place, I completely lost it. I thought I was going to sufficate. I have never packed up my things so fast. At first I was just going to go home, but I decided to see if Allison would take me in for the night... and she would... because she's amazing... So I drove to College Station and hung out with her and Blair and Kimberly for the night. Best decision of my life. The drive there and back was just long enough to exhort any extremely negative emotions, and they were able to distract me slash talk to me about it in a positive way to where I was feeling much better when I left...

Although... at the Bonzai, they had grapes... THE grapes... Blake had been at camp that weekend and had brought them back with her. When I said, "oooh no I can't eat grapes" Blair snatched them up and rushed them to the fridge. haha! I have the best friends!

Anyway, I am now home. And I slept until 4 on Friday... I'm pretty sure I have never done that... ever. I don't even know what happened. The only time I woke up was at 7 that morning when my alarm went off. WEIRD. That didn't last long, though... The next morning I was awake and ready to go at 8:30.

Ok I apologize for this ridiculously long post. It's now 4 in the morning. Maybe I should go try to sleep again. Since my alarm is set to go off in 4 hours.

peace.

2009-04-01T10:52:00.002-05:00

So... this semester has been interesting. Ok I'm just going to be completely honest. It's been awful. The worst semester slash 3 months of my life.
In February, I learned that my brain has a deficiency of serotonin and noradrenaline... If you have ever had basic psychology or neuroscience, you know what is wrong... Obviously, the symptoms showed up before I was actually diagnosed.

I have to go to class now, but I am tired of lying about how I feel and making it sound like my semester hasn't been that bad and hasn't affected me in huge ways. Because it has. I'm keeping a journal for the days that I feel really bad, so it's been nice to write out everything, since that's how I express myself best. Maybe it can be a memoir some day... :)

And now for Greek... yeah that really helps the situation. haha.

peace.love.sic'em

psh

2009-03-26T21:31:00.002-05:00

For some reason, I always have a strong urge to blog when I need to study.

I have been feeling very opinionated recently. There is something else I have been wanting to write here, but I have resisted. Maybe some other time.

Have you ever been in the middle of a conversation with someone, and the topic makes you so angry that you can't contain yourself and you go off on a rant about the subject, and the other people are just sitting there staring at you, not because they disagree, but because your sentence was so long they thought you were going to pass out from lack of air to the lungs?
Once, I was sitting with a group of stufuers, and we were discussing mega-churches, and the pros and cons. That led to a very drawn out, never ending sentence about how these churches line their children ministry walls with flat screen tvs and gaming systems and spend millions of dollars for uber nice facilities etc. for a couple hours of comfort a week while there are people literally on the other side of those walls who are sleeping on the ground and starving every day. Yes, those churches may be reaching lost souls... But even a small portion of that million dollar budget could actually care for the least of these just down the block. And maybe the children won't get to play Wii during sunday school. (I'm trying really hard not to be sarcastic right now, so this topic ends here.)
A couple of days ago, some friends and I were discussing how some kids at Baylor think it's so cool not to wear shoes anywhere... rain, shine, whatev, they don't wear shoes... It's not because they don't have shoes... Or even because they gave their shoes to someone who doesn't have them. No, actually, sometimes their chacos are hanging from their backpacks. My friend actually got asked why he wears shoes when it feels so much better not to. Now, I hate shoes. Seriously. I think it has to do with growing up running around a gym. But there are people who can't afford shoes. There are people in Dallas who wear houseshoes as they walk around Downtown because they don't have any other kind of shoe. And that's in America. There are people in other countries who get crippling diseases because they don't have shoes. A lot of people. And we snotty, hippie-wanna-be Baylor students have the audacity to walk around with no shoes because we think it looks cool.
I also find it horrifying that some people are more concerned with saving animals than people. Ok ok, the puppies are cute, they all need a home. It really would be really sad if certain animals went extinct... I'm being serious, in case that sounds like mockery. But sometimes I really get the feeling that some of these people would rather the tigers and dogs live than people. Is this another America thing? I really don't know... I do know that there are orphans, homeless people, starving people, neglected children... I feel like at least SOME of this money going to save the dogs and cats could be put to better use feeding humans. Or providing medical care for humans. I'm not saying let all the animals run loose and to let all the elephants die out... But I have serious problems with choosing to feed them and find homes for them and save them when we can't even find homes for the children who have no hope, no food, and no future.

Where there is pain, let there be grace...
Where there is suffering, bring serenity...
For those afraid, help them be brave...
Where there is misery, bring expectancy...
And surely we can change, surely we can change... something.
Let us be the remedy. Let us bring the Remedy.
[dc*b]

i'm the bomb like tick tick

2009-03-24T00:38:00.002-05:00

So, just to let the 3 people who read this know, I am not dead. Almost, but not quite. I'm supposed to be studying for a forensic psychology test. But... I had to take a break. I'm going to be up much later anyway... I just made a common grounds run and got a No Bull. Cowboy Coffee with espresso instead of coffee. I thought about getting the Nervous Breakdown, that has 4 shots of espresso, but I was scared of how the results might turn out. haha. I also got a bag of Cheetos. These are my friends on this dismal night. Along with Matt Nathanson, Miranda Lambert, Jennifer Nettles, Lil Wayne, Beyonce, and Lady Gaga. Please don't criticize my music choice... it's going to be a late night.

The other day, my intramural soccer team played in a tourney... somehow, I ended up as goalie. HAHA. Pictures to come later. Anyway, I guess it turned out ok... Only because I'm not scared of the ball... or people... and the fact that my hand-eye coordination is much better than my foot-eye coordination. Plus the fact that I am ambidextrous so I can never decide which foot to kick the ball with makes offense difficult. It's a disease, I'm sure of it. I also enjoyed making the opponents mad enough that they started cussing me out when I wouldn't let the ball through... SUCCESS. hah. However, I now have bruises all over my legs. Oh and a girl kicked my fingers... inches away from my face. That was awesome.

Bearathon this weekend... I'll be up at 4! sweet! OH and StuFu was asked to attend a reception in our honor at President Garland's house this week! Something that we have no record of ever happening before! It's funny, bc a couple of weeks ago, I was walking past the President's House and thought, "I really want to see the inside of that place someday..."

mk well I am going to end on this note... it's from my Forensic Psych textbook:

* "Each week, child protective services agencies in the US receive approximately 60,000 referrals alleging that children have been abused or neglected. During 2004, an estimated total of 3 million referrals, including approximately 5.5 million children, were made to CPS."

* "The United States has 3 times as many animal shelters as battered women shelters."

Cribs-haley edition, vl. 2

2009-03-12T16:02:00.002-05:00

cribs-haley edition

2009-03-11T22:19:00.002-05:00

spring break... got my hair cut... :)

2009-03-11T16:02:00.007-05:00

it's kind of tough getting older

2009-03-03T22:38:00.004-06:00

I feel like now is as good a time as ever to blog about this past weekend. Oh my goodness.

Ok so ASAP leadership conference.... It was at University of Houston. And we stayed at the Hilton Americas in downtown Houston. An incredible hotel. It had 24 floors, and we were on the 18th! There were so many groups of people staying there, it was crazy.
We were the only group from a private school, much less a Christian school. And it showed. Here are some other schools who were in attendance: Texas Tech, Texas State, UTA, TWU, UTD, UCDavis, UTEP, Utah, New Mexico, Central Arkansas, Southern Arkansas, New Orleans... Ok so please imagine the UC Davis group and the Southern Arkansas group interacting. Probably the most incredible culture block I have ever seen. haha! The Californians were horrified that we had styrofoam cups and plates. The Southern Arkansasians probably don't even realize that there is a green movement going on. I'm sorry, it's true. It was seriously shocking, the way they behaved in public, and the way they gave their presentations, and the way they talked about things. They cussed and screamed innapropriate things on the bus and used PDA in their group presentation. It was so weird.

On Friday night, there was 2 hours of karaoke. To songs like "Baby Got Back" and "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy." This was put on by the university! Oh, ps, UofH has a bar on campus. hah. I really wouldn't have expected the type of dancing and singing by anyone other than drunk middle schoolers. But apparently I have high standards. That night was interesting, to say the least.

I can honestly say that I came away with a HUGE appreciation for Student Foundation and what we do... No other school does everything we do with such success. I also have a new appreciation for Baylor. I have been so blessed to go to the school I do... They give me the responsibility of representing the University by myself to high school students... They provide a nurturing, Christian atmosphere. It really was shocking to see the difference between everyone.

Here is an example of the culture shock I experienced... Our group was sitting in between the UC Davis and Southern Arkansas groups on the bus on the way back to the hotel on Saturday night. The student leader for UofH was telling everyone goodbye and had given club suggestions for anyone who wanted to go party (hah). And he suggested that the Californians tell people about hyphe. I had no idea what hyphe was, and neither did the Southern Arkansas people. So their advisor was like "hey show us hyphe!" to the California group, and a California girl was like "well, I don't think I can... it's a movement..." He replied with, "well then get up and show us!" The California people really didn't know how to respond to that... They were really confused and were trying to figure out how to explain themselves better... All while they are talking to each other, the Arkansas man is saying, "Come on, show us your moves..." Finally, frustraited with the confused, I yelled, "It's a movement, not a move... like the hippies[held up a peace sign]" The Arkansas man says, "oh..." It was hilarious seeing the difference in cultures. haha.

I had a great time with my group. We really got to know each other well. We played loaded questions... That was probably the hardest I have laughed in a long time.

I have decided I don't like the death penalty.

Spring Break next week! 2 tests before then! Ah!

Our great desire is that you will keep on loving others as long as life lasts,
in order to make certain that what you hope for will come true.
Then you will not become spiritually dull and indifferent.
[Hebrews 6:11-12]

I've been thinking a lot about leadership, and what it means to be a real leader, and I was reading in Hebrews the other day, and it talks about how Jesus giving his life made him the perfect leader... and I think that is such a cool description... Jesus is the picture of perfect leadership, because He sacrificed Himself... Isn't that what a leader should be doing? Sacrificing him or herself for those he or she is leading? Leading them by serving them? Putting them first?

Mk... I just need to make it to Friday.

Current playlist:
Lucky-- Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat
Magic-- Colbie Caillat
Older-- Colbie Caillat
Come On Get Higher-- Matt Nathanson
You Found Me-- The Fray
Put Your Records On-- Corinne Bailey Rae
Bubble Toes-- Jack Johnson
Kiss The Girl-- Colbie Caillat
Still Fighting It-- Ben Folds

ps- Kimberly and Allison, I miss you both mucho!

History will know who we are

2009-02-25T23:33:00.004-06:00

well my blog is still weird... but we're working on that.

I have found the song I want played for my first dance at my wedding. I will keep it a secret until then... Mainly to avoid ridicule.

I am loving knowing how to get my computer to take a picture of the screen! Genius, I say! I also like having it on the "black and white" version, if you can't tell by the pics. Me and my brother freaked my mom out with it, once. haha! It's also fun to turn the screen lighting down all the way so they can't figure out why the computer is off...

I am excited slash nervous about the leadership conference this weekend. It's going to be so fun but I'm scared I am going to do something wrong.

I hate school. boo. Spring break soon! I walked the bear trail with a friend today... it was glorious. The weather is incredible!

I seriously need serious help with this capital punishment project. ha.

I now have 3 tutoring clients! whoop! 2 with latin! I don't remember my 6th grade latin teacher trying to make it easier or kid friendly. We just had to memorize everything, just like I would now. But kids these days... haha :)

²² The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.
²³ Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.
²⁴ I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
therefore, I will hope in him!”

²⁵ The Lord is good to those who depend on him,
to those who search for him.
²⁶ So it is good to wait quietly
for salvation from the Lord.
[Lam. 3]

2009-02-24T10:08:00.002-06:00

So I have these tabs up on my blog, now, right? But I don't know how to change them. hah. boo.

You are mine

2009-02-23T21:35:00.002-06:00

Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine.
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.
For I am the Lord, your God; the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
Others were given in exchange for you.
I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to Me.
You are honored, and I love you.
You have chosen to know me, believe in me,
and understand that I alone am God. There is no other God--
there never has been, and there never will be.
From eternity to eternity, I am God.
No one can snatch anyone out of my hand.
No one can undo what I have done.
[Is. 43]

all i wanna do is be with you...

2009-02-20T21:32:00.003-06:00

So I watched HSM3 for the first time today... I had already heard the soundtrack quite a bit from work, but I must say, the movie was just as good as I had hoped. I will now live vicariously through the soundtrack until I find my Troy Bolton. baha

This week was weird. I almost failed a forensic psych class! whoopee! mmm yes.
Kaitlyn is coming tomorrow morning... I'm so excited.
I need to find business professional attire to wear to a conference next weekend... let's be honest, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO LOOK FOR. I was in Forever 21 the other day and felt so lost. so so lost. But I found the cutest pair of shoes I have ever seen. I want them. I've never understood why shoes are so expensive. Jeans, too... It's ridiculous.

I am so ready for this semester to be over. I feel weird.

I found encouragement from this song this week:

You raise me beyond the skies, into a city of eternal light
Looking down on the stars, I fly into heaven, caught up in your arms

I breath Your fragrance, taste Your goodness,
Crumble to pieces into Your love
In Your presence all my existence crumbles to pieces into Your love

I’m speechless, what can I say
Words become tears as You wipe them away
All my kisses and crowns at Your feet
Fire of heaven burn love over me

It’s such a beautiful story
I’m face to face with the King of Glory
You rescued someone unworthy, I know this is Love
[Crumble to Pieces-- Phil Wickham]

i'm not sure if i should post this. haha.

2009-02-16T23:02:00.002-06:00

I'm alive!! I still feel sick every now and then, and take long naps during the day to ward off weird, feel like I'm drowning headaches, and walking to class makes me extremely out of breath... hah. But other than that, I feel much better than I did last week.
Tuesday through Thursday I did absolutely nothing besides lay in the middle of my living room floor and watch Friends, The Big Bang Theory, Pride and Prejudice, and Mamma Mia, and then of course Lost when it came on. I realized that every love song is so trivial after watching Pride and Prejudice. What the heck, just give me Darcy.

On Friday, I ventured out into the world. I took a shower first, which resulted in me laying on the couch after for 10 minutes because I almost passed out in the shower... Until then I had not stood for longer than 3 minutes. Then I walked 2 blocks to the StuFu building to pick up some paper work... oooh that was brave. I came back and fell asleep for an hour. haha! I felt like a grandma!

On Saturday, most of my family came to visit! yay! We went to Common Grounds for a Falling Whistles benefit, which I just had to sit inside CG for most of it bc I got so tired... Then we went to the Baylor/aTm mens basketball game, which, although it ended spendidly and I will never regret going to that game, resulted in the awful, I think I am drowning in my head, headache that did not go away until this morning. The energy at that game was freakin incredible. The last time aTm was at Baylor for basketball, they(the players) were terribly arrogant and a rivalry had already been instilled because a month before, we beat them on their court in the 5th overtime... Anyway, I remember leaving the game absolutely furious because of their disgusting attitudes... in fact, "Donald Sloan dunk" is a suggested search on google, so I guess people like to watch it... hah. uughhh I was so mad. People started throwing things at him. hahaha. So on Saturday, there was a little hatred left over, especially for Sloan, and so he was booed every.single.time he touched the ball. Now, I think booing is immature and stooping to their level, so I do not participate, but I still thought it was funny. He would touch the ball and they would boo... he would pass it soon after, and the booing would stop immediately. I just find it so weird that guys have this universal alarm to boo a specific guy every time... I don't think girls think of that... at least, I wouldn't have... It's not like they had a rally before, saying that is what they were going to do... they just did it... Oh and I wasn't one of the crowd members cussing or throwing things or even booing at either games, so... please don't give me a lecture on sportsmanship or class. Both teams could work on both. I honestly don't think I had the lung capacity for booing at that point in my healing process. I probably would have passed out.
Anyway, the game was glorious, and now we have another player to boo, because after chasing Jerrells around the court trying to foul him for the last 4 seconds of the game, he shoved him right when the buzzer went off, resulting in an explosion on both benches and a fight almost taking place. It was pretty lame but I guess aTm wanted to make sure the tension was still high for next year. Seriously, don't touch Curtis.

I am writing a paper on the liberal Christian's view of capital punishment, so if you have any good books about it or any good insight, please let me know!

I think the "25 Random Things" on facebook is so weird. haha. It's seriously taking over the world. And I think it's so funny when people use it to make themselves look good. As if writing about your high school accomplishments is really making you look good. And I've read some of them, but honestly, I think people just want to write about themselves more than actually have anyone read them. Now, I filled it out, it's true. I'm not going to try to explain the conflicts that go through my brain every day. But I also think I just made myself look like a freak. haha. But if you really did want to know, I have in fact "sung and spoke in front of hundreds of people since I was 5... and I played softball for my high school... and I won pottery and quilting awards in elementary school..." yes yes, I excel as a person. Thank you, facebook, for allowing me to share this with the world. And I didn't even write those on my 25 things, you blog readers got special insight, right there...

Speaking of facebook, it's boring and I deactivated my account. Which was really lame timing when I got the flu for a week right after, and the only thing my mom allowed me to touch was my computer, blanket, pillow, and phone. boo germs.

I think that people decided dark chocolate was good for you because they just wanted an excuse to eat chocolate. And dark chocolate is a lame excuse for chocolate, ps. Oh and drinking milk is unnatural. I will stand by that statement. People say I am an opinionated person... I'm not sure how I feel about that...

Amos 5:15

2009-02-10T17:57:00.002-06:00

you know how i said that i thought i was getting sick on the last blog title...

well. I have the flu. And I feel AWESOME. This is the first time I've been able to sit up for longer than 3 minutes. I haven't had a fever over 101 in a long time, and I must say, the fever breaking is almost as unpleasant as the fever itself.

I am missing out on so much stufu fun, I'm so bummed.

But my mom is here, making me food. I'm praying Rach doesn't get it...

I think I'm getting sick.

2009-02-09T23:17:00.003-06:00

Short and sweet:

* Today, a miracle took place. The Dean of the CASA let me switch greek professors... something he even told me would not be possible. I don't really know what happened. He didn't even have my name right. He kept calling me Heather... haha. But for some reason, he decided to go against everything he has ever done as dean, and let me switch. I had a dance party.

* I am officially old. I just got an email saying to order my senior ring. At first, I thought it didn't mean me... hah. But I looked at my transcript, and, sure enough, I have more than enough hours. I'm sorry, when did I turn into an old person? Ew I'm so freaked out right now. I'm not even 20.5 yet. haha.

* Two tests tomorrow. ew.

* They showed my hotel video to all of student foundation on sunday at our meeting. oh my gosh.

* No more facebook for a while.

* Oh and I'm going back to camp. baha.

peace.

ps, Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack= SO worth ten dollars... buy it!

close your eyes.clear your heart.cut the cord.

2009-02-04T21:11:00.003-06:00

So when I find a song I like, I listen to it on repeat until I find another one... Right now, that song is Human by The Killers... I have absolutely no idea what it means, but I like it. If I owned You Found Me, by the Fray, that would be the new song. However, I only have a video with it on it to a preview of Lost... I don't think I explained that properly. Oh well.
Anyway, Basically the only 3 songs I have listened to on my computer for the past couple weeks are Human, My Life Would Suck Without You, and Feel That Fire by Dierks. I guess I don't really get sick of songs that I choose to listen to... which is funny bc I get really sick of songs that are overplayed on the radio. I'm convinced the most overplayed song in the country genre is Cowgirls Don't Cry by Brooks and Dunn, followed closely by Teardrops On My Guitar by Taylor Swift. The most overplayed song in the Christian genre is I Can Only Imagine...

I just filled out a Random 25 Things thing on Facebook... and so now all these random things are flashing through my brain... I hate taking showers. And brushing my teeth. And I get really upset when I have to stop what I'm doing to go to the bathroom. Sometimes I get to the point where I am about to pee my pants because I want to finish what I am doing first. I love sweeping... I hate folding clothes... I won't even turn them right side out most of the time. I love the fact that hotel doors lock behind me. In fact, I love the smell of hotels... and the feeling of hotels. I don't sleep with a top sheet... just a bottom sheet and a blanket... Because when I do sleep with a top sheet, I just kick it to the end of the bed. Answering the phone in a professional way gives me chills, I get so excited.

I need to do homework.

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask Him, be sure that your faith is in God alone...

Whatever is good and perfect comes from God our Father, who created all the lights in the Heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. He chose to give birth to us by giving us His true word. And we, out of all creation, became His prized possession.
[James 1]

PS Human has come on 5 times since I have been writing this... :) Oh and I just looked up the song to try to figure out what it means, and I like it even more now. whoop.

we have boys here... a few...

2009-02-01T11:52:00.002-06:00

Here is a pic from the plane on Monday... it was nice once we got above the fog...
Yesterday and today have been absolutely gorgeous days... It's so funny that classes were canceled on Wednesday due to ice.
I'm pretty sure I'm all baylored out at this point... Thursday was the only day last week I wasn't talking about Baylor to the masses...
On Friday, I gave a tour to middle schoolers... Too cool, gangsta middle schoolers. There were about 55 of them, so a friend and I split the group in half and each took a group. First of all, middle schoolers don't care about Judge Baylor and Pat Neff... They care about boys. Most of the kids there were girls... oh my gosh. And in middle school, you still have that level of boldness that you never regain after you hit 9th grade because you have no idea what it means to be socially appropriate and you are at the top of your game in 8th grade! Below are a few samples of our conversations:
Them: Where are all the people?
Me: In class...
Them: Are we going to see any of them?
Me: yes, they will be getting out when we are walking around...
Them: Are there boys?
Me: Yes, we have boys here... The ratio is not in your favor, though.
Them: Are they cute?
Me: Some of them...
Them: Will we see any basketball players?
Me: I don't know, maybe...
Them: Are there any crazy parties here?
Me: You can find just about anything if you look hard enough...
Them: Well, are they good?
Me: I've not really been to any crazy parties, so I don't know...
Them: How are the clubs?
Me: And moving on...

[The boys are let loose... aka between classes]
Them: OMG BOYYYSSS
They proceed to say heeyyy to EVERY_SINGLE_GUY who passes us... I was laughing so so so hard. They had no idea how ridiculous they looked... and how old I felt... hah.

Them: Why can't we see any of the basketball players?
Me: They aren't on display!
Them: Well, are they cute?
Me: Some of them...

We get to the bears, and they FREAK OUT... They were so excited...
Them: Do they bite?
Me: They are bears... so I would think so.
As excited as they were, the excitement level sky-rocketed when I informed them that we were going to be eating at Penland, the largest freshman guys residential hall... oh screams of joy.

It was the most hilarious tour I have ever given.
Yesterday was Winter Premiere, which was ironic bc it was a beautiful spring day... So more tours, but with people who were actually interested in going to Baylor. I had one group who was seriously attacking me for saying that Baylor was unashamedly Christian and that you have to take two Christian courses and chapel to graduate. It was odd. One of the guys in StuFu was trying to get his group to open up, so when they got to Pat Neff and he was telling them about the 23.5 carat gold top, they didn't really react to him asking about it's blinding glare, so he said, "it's so bright because God's glory is around the top of it..." hahaha I love Baylor!

I saw Slumdog Millionaire on Friday night. Great, great movie. Go see it. There is this one part that was a complete slap in the face to Americans. Like woah. Just go see it.

First greek test this week. dangit. ugh. I hate everything about Greek. hah. I've never had a class that has the potential of making me feel physically sick when I think about it.

Since it is such a beautiful day, I am going to go outside and read and journal and study until the SUPPPERRRRBOWLLL PARTAYYY tonight! whoop! It's my favorite holiday. Although the commercialism of it is absolutely disgusting and so American and we should be ashamed of ourselves. So now at this point I am reevaluating my favor of it... I like the competativeness... and the community that takes place at the parties... But what would America be without trying to "save the world" and spending billions of dollars on a night of football at the same time? Oh, I know, the economy has affected the superbowl too... The lowest price of tickets is now $500 instead of $700... Whatever, I don't even know what to say about that. I generally pick who I want to win based on their helmets... Unless they are the Patriots... I always want them to win. Don't ask me why, I don't remember... I chose them in high school and just stuck with it. So this year, I guess I want the Steelers to win. Let's be honest, I don't care about professional football... I come from a MLB family... the World Series is much easier to choose for.

peace. love. sic em.