D. Robert Pease - Thoughts on Writing and Publishing a Fantasy Novel

Advice from Stephen King

2008-10-08T22:56:00.003-04:00

I saw this clip of Stephen King a while ago. He talks about a magic moment. When you put down a book and realize "I can do better than this." That moment happened for me over the past few days. (Ok that isn't a moment, but sometimes I'm a little slow on the uptake.) I've been reading, actually listening on my iPhone, to Sly Mongoose by Tobias Buckell. Now I'm not going to go as far as Mr. King and say it sucked. Because it most certainly did not. I enjoyed the overall story quite a bit, and since this is the third in a series I've read, I'm pretty invested in the universe he creates, and the main character, Pepper. But as I listened to the story, I was struck quite often by the writing. It didn't seem as polished as I remembered the past two books. The author repeated words and phrases often. The dialogue and description didn't seem as crisp. And quite frankly the opening scene was the best part of the whole book. (You can read it on his website: http://www.tobiasbuckell.com/ ) But the question I asked myself was, could I do any better? I'm not sure if I know the answer, but tonight I was sitting in Starbucks editing Crimson Swarm. And several times, I said, "yeah, this is good stuff." The chapter I was working on (about half way through the story) really flowed well. The dialogue was crisp. The action clear. I don't know, I'm too big of a wuss to say it was better writing than Mr. Buckell, (and what makes it even harder is the man is really a great guy, and we've talked a couple times via email.) But maybe, just maybe I had a Stephen King moment. Whatever it takes to get me to finish this darn novel... I'll take it. (sorry Tobias)

Here's the Stephen King clip:

I'm not dead, yet.

2008-08-16T00:46:00.002-04:00

Wow, life just has a way of taking over. I haven't posted here in so long, mostly because I haven't written in so long. Part of the problem is I've been having problems with sitting at a computer screen too long. It has been making me nauseous. That is a bad thing when you are a web developer, and a wannabe writer. I went for my 40 year old eye exam, and the Dr. said "Come back when you need me... in the next one to two years." So it's not my eyes. So I'm not really sure what is going on there. But Nuadaim has been calling. I went back and read the first couple chapters again yesterday. It still seems like there is something there.

The family is taking a week and headed to Disney World next week. When I get back, I've got a date with a manuscript. I'm so close. I'm not quitting now.

Also I'm toying around with the idea of doing nano this year. I've got a story idea that has been kicking around. A more young adult story, than Crimson Swarm. Maybe that could be my goal with the edits. Get them done before November 1. Seems doable.

Writing Too Wordy

2008-04-05T16:07:00.002-04:00

Wow, where did March go? I can't believe it has been over a month since I posted last. It was a crazy month. My birthday came and went, and I didn't meet my goal, and yet I still don't feel too bad about it. I continue to edit. I'm plugging away at it, but life gets in the way at times.

I did have something interesting happen. I sent my first chapter off to Ray Rhamey an author and editor. He does this thing on his blog called the "Flogometer". For those brave enough, he takes what he considers the first page of your novel (the first 16 lines) and critiques it. Ultimately he says whether he would turn the page or not, looking at how well it "hooks" the reader. He flogged me pretty well, and said he would not continue reading.

Sure there was a little disappointment, but honestly I am so grateful for him for taking the time to give me good solid feedback. Also several people posted comments giving feedback as well. The overall consensus was I was being a bit too wordy. Someone commented that I used too many "highfalutin" words. Looking back at it, I couldn't agree more. I have rewritten the first chapter, and in particular the first page or so, over and over again, and it shows. I really think later stuff, that is fresher is much less likely to be overwritten. You can see all their comments here.

So, even though I said I had rewritten the first chapter over and over, I did it again. Here is the revised first page. Please feel free to comment, and let me know if it still feels overwritten.

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Chapter 1 - Birth

Burning oil and cooked meats masked the acrid smell of death. With a swollen tongue, he tasted thick dust on cracked lips. Rough stone dug into his back. He opened his eyes, and then flung hands up to shield his gaze. Dust billowed around nearly skeletal fingers, which glowed red against the painful light. Where am I?

The reek of death grew stronger. He struggled to move. His legs were stiff; his shoulders jammed between stone. He was in a cramped box. Sweat poured from his brow. He kicked his legs and grappled toward the light.

He strained against the edges of the box and pulled himself up, toward the ruddy glow. Grey dots danced across his vision and he nearly fainted. His head spun. At last, the room steadied.

He sat in a granite box on a raised platform at the end of a long narrow chamber. Stone sarcophagi lined both sides of the room. A chill prickled his skin. I have awakened in a tomb.

His mind raced, as fresh sweat rolled down his grimy forehead into his eyes. Nightmarish visions of faces filled his mind—faces surrounding him—large pale eyes watching, always watching. A need to get free of the coffin overpowered him.

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Still Editing

2008-02-27T00:36:00.002-05:00

I have been very quiet lately, and this time it is for a good reason. I have been working very hard on the edits for Crimson Swarm. I am now less than 1 month away from my birthday goal. I'm beginning to doubt whether I'll have it all edited by then, but that isn't stopping me. In fact I am working harder than ever. I just spent about 5 hours on chapter 5. And basically I am rewriting the entire thing.

I think I mentioned once before about reading an author's blog, on which they stated they rewrite their book from beginning to end during editing. I just couldn't imagine this would be a good idea. But for this chapter, it really seems to be working. I'm digging much deeper into what the characters are thinking, and why they are doing what they are doing. Also the pacing is much stronger than before. They are escaping from a prison. Before the rewrite everyone was sitting around chatting before they decide it is time to escape. Now they don't wait around for anything.

So I'm excited. I wish it wasn't 1 AM and I could work longer. But alas I must get up early to take the kids to school and do some real, paying work.

Poetry in Fantasy Literature

2008-02-01T09:16:00.000-05:00

In the early chapters of Crimson Swarm I have a poem that digs deeply into the history and lore of my world. I am rather pleased with it. I think it flows well, and tells the story in a way that other types of narration may not, but I'm not sure I'm going to keep it. The problem is every critique I've received of a chapter that the poem is in (I've moved it a couple times) the critiquers say things like, "The poem kind of slowed things down." or "I only skimmed the poem."

Don't get me wrong, I totally understand. I used to do the same thing with Tolkien. In the Lord of the Rings, every time I came to a song, or poem, zing, I'd skip right over it. But then over the years I started to read them, and love them. I think you can really see Tolkien's passion about his world in the poetry.

My fear is if I have this big long poem (it is probably a page long) in the first three chapters of my manuscript, is an agent going to feel like it really slowed things down as well? Should I keep it, but maybe move it later? Cut it down in bite-sized chunks? Or ditch it altogether?

I'm not sure I have an answer for that yet. I'll add it to my list of things to ponder as I wade through editing.

Bloody (Brilliant) Critiques

2008-01-24T13:34:00.000-05:00

I got a particularly bloody critique of chapter three from a member of my crit circle! How exciting is that!! When I printed it out, it was six pages long!!!

Bloody critique--exciting? How can this be?

Really it is. What it means is, someone whose writing I respect, took the time (considerable it seems) to really pick apart the chapter. She had fantastic advice on a number of issues. One in particular that made me slap myself on the forehead. I can't believe I missed something so obvious.

This highlights for me two things I have learned about writing (about anything in fact).

1. Be open to critiques - When someone takes the time to really give you their opinion, be open to it. We are busy people. So it means something when people care enough to (in a kind way) give you suggestions on improving your work.

2. Don't work in a vacuum. Seek out support. - Obviously this relates to the first, but I think it needs emphasising. It is so easy to be blind to your own writing and shortcomings. Don't wait for someone to point them out. It is much easier if you ask someone to point them out. Then it is your idea, not theirs.

So get out there. Take some risks. Ask someone's opinion. It may be bloody painful, but in the end it'll be well worth it.

THE END (Again)

2008-01-15T19:31:00.000-05:00

I spent a good chunk of Yesterday locked in a study-carol at the local university (Kent State), writing with a friend of mine. He and I have set a goal of mid March to finish our respective projects. His being his doctoral dissertation, and mine a much less lofty, fantasy novel.

Let me first say this is a wonderful way to write for me. Having someone sitting across a desk from me, typing away on his laptop, really does something to my psyche. That tiny bit of accountability, keeps me focused. It also helps that my laptop has such a bad wireless card that even though they had WiFi in the library, I couldn't use it. So no Internet, or email all day. (Ok, I did check my email on my phone a couple times.)

Suffice it to say I got a lot of writing done, and I finished (again) my first draft. You'll remember that I finished once before, but a friend who had been reading along, was not very excited about it. So finally, after six months or so (Yikes!) I have the ending rewritten. I'm pretty excited how it ended up. We'll have to see what he thinks.

Now I can focus completely on editing/revising. I have Chapters 1 & 2 done, 3 is posted to my Crit Circle, and I'm currently working on 4. The book has 28 chapters so I still have a ways to go, but I think it is doable in the next 2 months.

Epic Living?

2008-01-12T13:50:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Sir Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb to the summit of Mt. Everest, died at the age of 88. I heard a couple vignettes about him on NPR. During one they played a recording of him in Washington some years later in which he said: "If you set out on an adventure, and you are absolutely convinced you're going to be successful, why bother starting."

I thought he was going to say something along the lines of if you are convinced you will succeed then you have a better chance of doing so, or something along those lines. But what he actually said was much more profound than that. Man can show greater depths of character when he starts something, against all odds, knowing that there is little chance of success, and in Hillary's case every possibility of death, and yet he still started. He still takes that first step. This is living beyond the Disney "If you dream it you can do it" mentality of the modern world.

There is a scene in the Peter Jackson's movie, The Return of the King, that brings tears to my eyes each time I see it. The book does the same, but the way Mr. Jackson captured it was wonderful. The armies of Rohan have ridden to the aid of Gondor. They crest a hill, and look down upon the plains before Minis Tirith and see the vast hordes of Mordor assaulting the city. Rohan's army looks minuscule beside the might of Sauron. At this point, the logical thing would be to turn back. Set up defences in their own country in what way they could. But they do not. They charge down, into the very arms of the enemy. You are certain that they will all die. They are certain they will die, but the do it anyway.

Or in more contemporary, historical terms look at the movie Saving Private Ryan. Again, an army out manned, out gunned storms the beach at Normandy. Every man in the first wave knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were going to die. But they did it anyway. They did it for a greater good. Something larger than themselves. Something, epic.

So how does that translate into today's world. Of course there are still men and women on the front lines. Still in harms way, but still doing their jobs for some grander purpose, but as a whole. As Americans at large, how can we live in "epic" fashion? Can it be a simple as doing something we fully expect to fail at? Getting outside our comfortable little lives and trying to do something that in all likelihood will end in disaster. I began writing my novel fully expecting to fail. I've never finished something of this magnitude before. Something that requires continual work over a period of years. In fact I still expect to fail, and I am nearly complete.

Now realize that I don't in anyway equate this with charging off a boat onto a sandy beach with bullets filling the air, but I do think that it might just touch on what it means to be larger than oneself. How can I love my wife when I don't feel like loving her? How can I love my kids when they are driving me crazy? How can I get up and do my job when I'd rather sleep? By making a conscious effort to do the things I don't want to do, or even more, I know I'll fail at, I think a little piece of the epic creeps into my life, and the lives of those around me. I know I will never love my wife perfectly. There will always be some selfish motivation when interacting with her. But still I try. Still I wake up every morning hoping today I'll love her a little more than yesterday. But unlike Hollywood romance, we are flawed creatures. I know I'll fail, but read again what Sir Edmund Hillary had to say: "If you set out on an adventure, and you are absolutely convinced you're going to be successful, why bother starting." Why bother starting anything that you know you will succeed at. What a waste of time. Push for something more. Push beyond your limits. Somewhere is something greater, something, epic.

Writing a Hook that Hooks

2008-01-09T09:01:00.000-05:00

I told you in a previous post that I posted my Hook on the Bookends site for critique. Well today Jessica finally got to mine. This is the forth or fifth draft of the hook I have written, and I felt pretty good about it. See what she had to say:

92. D. Robert Pease
Fantasy Novel: Crimson Swarm

Aberthuil Nauile doesn’t know that he once led legions in a war that raged since the dawn of time, against an enemy that cannot be killed. He doesn’t know that he rode on a dragon with his father, and saw his mother die while giving birth to him. He doesn’t know that he once saved his great, great, great grandfather by defeating the black enemy on the slopes of a volcano. Aberthuil doesn’t know that he beheld the creation of the world, as his grandfather eight generations before took the planet ravaged by a war of the gods and began anew. All he knows is that he awoke in a coffin in a tomb, and now the whole world thinks he is their savior. All he really wants to know is his name, and why he keeps hearing voices in his head.

Wow! Am I getting soft or is this really two good pitches in a row? Of course now I’m concerned that my judgment is skewed. Maybe I am getting soft. But no, this is good. This grabs my interest. While normally I might say a pitch like this is backstory, it’s not when it’s world building. I clearly see who Aberthuil is and what his conflict is. While he's sure it might be the voices in his head, his true conflict is the story of the life he doesn’t remember. Very, very cool.

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First of all, notice that this is pitch # 92. This lady has been very, very busy. And unlike Miss Snark before her, I hope that she can keep her sanity, and I appreciate very much all the work she is putting into these. It makes me feel quite good that she liked the pitch, just the boost I needed right now to keep plugging along with the editing. She does make a great point that I focus primarily on backstory, but it seems I did it in such a way that it still gives insight into what the novel will be about.

Now before I get all warm and fuzzy about my writing, I want to show you how I came to write the pitch this way. Back in October, Kristin Nelson began a series on her blog about how to write a good pitch. Her first post on the subject dissected the jacket cover copy for Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone. If you read the cover copy, you will see that what I wrote is very similar. The tone feels the same. The overall pacing is the same. Obviously they are two different books. I didn't plagiarize the copy, I just used something that worked well somewhere else as a template for my pitch, and apparently it worked. Jessica has said that if she posted that she liked a pitch, she would love to see more. I'm not ready to send her more yet, but isn't that the goal of the pitch? To get an agent to want to see more? In that respect, I am very excited.

Does Your Villain Have a Point?

2008-01-06T00:16:00.000-05:00

Over the years I have tried on several occasions to read the Space Trilogy by C.S. Lewis. I've always struggled with the idea that it was "Science Fiction". I like my Sci Fi to be more science driven than something written in the 40's or 50's. But finally I have succeeded. I am about half way through the final book, That Hideous Strength. One of the things I noticed while reading the second book, Perelandra, was that Lewis was able to almost convince me that the bad guy, the Satan figure, had a point. He had a very convincing argument, and I could see why the Eve figure could nearly be persuaded to go against the desires of the creator.

This really came home to me as I have been rewriting the last chapters of Crimson Swarm. Does my villain have a point? Does his war against humanity have any shred of validity? So I gave him a chance to pitch his best argument. I let him stand up on his soapbox and tell us why he was in the right, and why he should be listened to, and you know what? He had some pretty good arguments. I took my main character, my hero into an audience with the big baddy, ready to do battle with him, and was surprised when he was persuaded to reconsider his actions. That was so cool. Of course I can't just leave him there. I still have to resolve the conflict, but how much richer it has become because I gave the villain a chance to argue his case. I love this writing stuff.

Self Publishing Bigot

2008-01-05T12:20:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I'm amazed at how easily it is to become a bigot. Try as you might to be an understanding, tolerant person, something inside of you clamors to feel superior in some way to your fellow man. I'm a W.A.S.P. Male to boot. I grew up in a nice middle class neighborhood. Was raised by good Christian parents. Was always taught that skin color didn't matter. Had a neighbor directly across from me who was black, and because of all this I think I have a pretty healthy attitude about race.... and sometimes I feel superior to others who aren't as enlightened as I am.

See what I mean? I can be a bigot about not being a bigot. What crazy beings man. This leads me to last night. My wife and I meet with a group from church every other Friday night to study the Bible (I know, we are swingers). Somehow during discussion it came up that I was writing a book, which by the way I try not to bring up very often, because I don't want to go off on talking about something I'm passionate about that really has the potential to bore people silly. Anyway, someone mentioned that their nephew just published a book. It was a Science Fiction novel, and he had given everyone in his family copies over Christmas. So did I think, "Wow isn't that great! Someone realized their dream!" No. I immediately figured that he self published, and he was having to give them away because he couldn't sell them. My goodness. When did I become so cynical? I haven't had time to fully process my reaction, but I found it disturbing. I'm not even published, self or otherwise. How can I look down my nose at someone who self published (and I'm only guessing here)? I've become a self publishing bigot of the worst kind.

So, Nephew Science Fiction Novel Guy, I am sorry. Please forgive me for looking down my unpublished, self publishing bigoty nose at you. I'm not sure if I've stumbled upon some deep flaw in my character, of which there are many, but I am sure going to keep an eye on it.

2007 Retrospective and 2008 Goals

2007-12-31T09:56:00.000-05:00

Well, everyone in the western world seems to be taking a look back to the past year, and making goals for the next, so I guess it is my turn. I am not big on New Year's Resolutions, mostly because there is this expectation that everyone will fail anyway, so if you fail, "Join the crowd." I had some specific goals last year, one was to finish writing my first novel before I turned 40. I set this goal a few years ago. I worked toward it steadily, and I didn't make it. At that moment, when my goal wasn't reached I knew I had a choice. Set a new goal, or quit. My tendency in life is the latter. My wife and friends have said on more than one occasion that I've never finished anything. Well, the older I get, the more I realize that finishing well is much more important than I used to believe. Finishing well as a father, as a husband, as a business owner, as a bread winner, as a bike rider, as a dish washer, as a laundry doer, as a lawn mower, as a pergola builder, as a novelist... whatever I start, I need to start it believing I will finish it. Working till I finish it. Starting something and not finishing it, basically says I am a liar.

So this past year I've improved in some areas, I am trying very hard to be a better husband to my wife, she deserves nothing but the best. My kids are growing up so fast, both just had birthdays this month and will be gone from the house before I know it. I've got a long way to go yet, and hopefully God will give me time to finish well on all of the things I have begun in my life, that pergola in the backyard still needs a few more nails, the bike in the basement is collecting dust (and my waist is expanding because of it). So really, that is my goal for 2008. Keep moving forward. Try every day to reach a little more toward the finish line. Admit when I've failed, and set a new goal. A very wise friend of mine said that if you can just shorten the time between each attempt at a goal, eventually you will realize that you worked toward that goal, more often than you didn't.

If I do that. Any goal I set will have a positive affect on my life, and the lives of those around me.

Reading Level

2007-12-27T16:28:00.001-05:00

I found this nifty little site that looks at your blog and judges the reading level needed to read it. My blog came out at a High School level.

I remember reading an article a while ago about running your writing through a reading level test. The writer quotes some statistics from the book: Fiction Writer's Brainstormer by James V. Smith, Jr. He did a study where he took several commercial and literary writers work and looked at four areas: Passive Voice, Number of Characters per Word, Readability, and the Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level scale.

He found that the best selling authors, read by the majority of adult readers in the US, wrote at a fourth grade level. From this study, he created his Ideal Writing Standard. Now as a writer, he revises every SCENE in his books to the following average standards:

No more than 4.25 characters per word
Passive Voice: 5% or less
Readability: 80% or more on Flesch Reading Ease scale
Flesh-Kincaid Grade Level: 4-6

When I reached 100K words on my book, I ran the entire thing through the tools found in Microsoft Word, and came up with the following:

4.3 characters per word
2% passive voice
77.5% reading ease
5.7 Grade Level.

Also, as a test to see if my editing impoved or degraded my results, I just ran the statistics on my first chapter, which at this point is about as ready for publication as I can get it:

4.3 characters per word
0% passive voice
82.5% reading ease
4.5 Grade Level.

I felt pretty good about this. What it all means I don't know, but if paying attention to readability helps my writing appeal to a broader audience, I am all for it.

Just Because!

2007-12-22T11:29:00.000-05:00

Ok, I got a little sidetracked the past couple of days. It is the holiday season, I'm not in a working mood, so I decided I wanted to update the skin on my blog (coming soon), and I thought it'd be cool to have a nice, color illustration for the masthead. So I started working on colorizing the sketch I did of a Vurmierg. I've really been wanting to take a stab at this for a while, so I just did it. My dream when I was in High-School, College, was to be an illustrator for fantasy novel covers. Somewhere along the line I realized I wasn't quite up to snuff and pursued other interests, but still that dream lingers. I don't think I'm of the caliber of most of the greats (Hildebrandt, Vallejo) by any stretch of the imagination, but I have fun anyway.

One thing you may notice is that he now has a tail. Well, the simple fact of the matter is, I kinda forgot to add that when I first did the drawing. Well, what do you expect, it isn't like I know the author personally, and know every minute detail of his characters.

She Spoke to Me.

2007-12-17T21:17:00.000-05:00

So I've been jumping back and forth between finishing up the rewrite of the ending of Crimson Swarm, and editing the early chapters. On Saturday I spent a couple hours editing chapters two and three. Two is nearly complete, three still has a bit of work. While editing chapter three I had one of those great experiences that writers love to have. I realized that much of the dialogue didn't make sense based on changes I had made to the first two chapters, so I cut a big chunk of it out. Then I needed to come up with something new for one of the characters, Elise, to say. So I closed my eyes, and I tried to get in her head. Something dreadful just happened to her, so I tried to feel how she would feel. Say what she would say. Then I opened my eyes and started typing what she said. It literally felt as if I was hearing her speak. For about a half hour I typed as fast as I could, trying to catch every word from her lips. When I got done, I went back and read it, and man, it was pretty darn good. All of the sudden I get a sense for who she is. Not just some two dimensional blond with a sword strapped to her hip. She had depth, she was someone I could respect.

Now if I can only get a few other characters to talk to me this way, I may just have something here. C'mon guys, tell me your stories.

Where Are They Now?

2007-12-09T13:46:00.000-05:00

As I'm nearing the end of writing my first draft, for the second time, I'm discovering that I am losing track of where everyone is. I found myself bringing a character into a scene and then saying to myself "where did he come from?" I'm sure there are writers out there that have no problem with this, but my brain has limited ability to remember even what I had for lunch yesterday, let alone keep track of the location of 20+ characters throughout a 115,000 word novel, which spans two continents (and in some cases thousands of years). So yesterday I took action and came up with another tool in my arsenal. Now whether this is just another tool to keep me distracted from my true need to just write, or beneficial, is maybe a bit difficult to see, but overall I think it was a good idea.

Basically I created a spreadsheet. Dates down the left hand column, and names along the top, in the chronology that they appear in the story. If you remember I already keep a calendar in Outlook to keep track of the chronology of the story, so adapting it to keep track of all the characters was relatively easy. Take a look:

As you can see characters are introduced as the story progresses, and there are a few places where I've placed a black line indicating the character leaving the story, either by death or other means.

A couple of interesting things came out of this. One was there is a big battle toward the end of the story (This is fantasy after all) and in the battle I had 14 main characters, the one event that brought them all together, and not a single one of them was killed. Now I'm not completely sure any of them should be killed here, but it seems likely that some would be in a battle of the scope I've written. So I'll have to ponder a bit about that.

Another thing, more what I thought I would discover, is people appear and disappear in various scenes with no indication of how they got there. What happened between the time we saw them last and now? I even had two characters that magically combined into one somewhere along the way. (not on purpose) So in this respect this was a very helpful exercise. Try it, maybe you'll discovers some things that really make you question how your brain works (or doesn't).

Even Tolkien Struggled

2007-12-01T12:37:00.000-05:00

I have been reading a book titled The Company They Keep - C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien as Writers in Community by Diana Pavlac Glyer. I am not sure I can recommend this book wholeheartedly, but I am getting some good insight from it. The book seems to be a Doctoral Thesis, and is geared more toward making a specific argument about a point of view. Namely that the member's of the Inklings influenced each other's writing significantly. I was expecting a more "writerly" look at the romanticism behind the group. If you haven't heard of them before, the Inklings were a group of writers that met for nearly two decades each Thursday night to read portions of their writings to one another and offer encouragement and criticism. Lewis and Tolkien were the two primary members.

As I've said in previous posts, some reading I have done on Tolkien in the past, and how he wrote, really inspired me to pick up the pen (keyboard) and try my hand at writing a novel again. I read a section of The Company They Keep today where the Glyer describes a time early in the writing of The Lord of the Rings that Tolkien was stuck. Apparently Tolkien wrote, and rewrote the first few chapters, and then was unable to go any further. He had a notion of how he wanted the story to go, but really no direction. He had Lews, and his publisher, Rayner Unwin read the chapters, and the general consensus was the writing consisted of too much "hobbit talk". Tolkien created a story that delved deeply into the Shire, and the goings on, but was unable to move beyond the light-hearted "Hobbit" story. For five months in 1938 Tolkien was unable to write any more of the story.

Then Lewis commented, "...hobbits are only amusing when in unhobbitlike situations." It seems that this comment changed the direction and feel of the story completely. It became darker and more serious, very "unhobbitlike". Then Glyer gave this example. Toward the end of the chapters Tolkien had completed was this scene originally. It takes place as Frodo, Odo and Bingo (the original names for Frodo's two companions) were walking in the Shire:

"Round a turn came a white horse, and on it sat a bundle--or that is what it looked like: a small man wrapped entirely in a great cloak and hood so that only his eyes peered out, and his boots in the stirrups below"

The horse and rider stopped near Bingo. "The figure uncovered its nose and sniffed; and then sat silent as if listening. Suddenly a laugh came from inside the hood." It is Gandalf, who calls out, "Bingo my boy!" as he throws aside his wrappings."

Sounds vaguely familiar doesn't it? So Frodo and his two friends were out for a stroll in the countryside of the Shire and this white horse rides up and Gandalf, in high spirits, greets them. But what to do next? How it Tolkien going to get the story moving at this point. Then Lewis made the above comment, and Tolkien rewrote this passage to look like this:

"Round the corner came a black horse, no hobbit-pony but a full-sized horse; and on it sat a large man, who seemed to crouch in the saddle, wrapped in a great black cloak and hood, so that only his boots in the high stirrups showed below; his face was shadowed and invisible.

When it reached the tree and was level with Frodo the horse stopped. The riding figure sat quite still with its head bowed, as if listening. From inside the hood came a noise as of someone sniffing to catch an elusive scent."

Wow! What a change. One is this light-hearted romp, and the other is full of fear and darkness. I can picture Tolkien's train of thought, and the direction the story began to take after this. "Where is Gandalf? Who is the Black Rider? Why was he sniffing?" I love that last one. So simple a thing as keeping the sniffing in from the first draft to the last can build so much depth to the feared enemy. Tolkien built this whole idea that the Black Riders couldn't see, but used their sense of smell, quite possibly from that single word.

This is what I love about the method Tolkien used to write. He did not map out the plot and every element of the story. He painted in broad strokes, and let the story go in the direction it wanted to go. Did he even know that the black rider was one of the "nine" at this point? Maybe not. From what I've read before he had no idea why Gandalf didn't show up.

So I guess the broad themes we can learn here is "Listen to your friends" and "Don't be afraid to go where the story takes you." I think both of these things make the story much richer in the end.

Kindle Sputters My Interest

2007-11-25T20:29:00.000-05:00

Ok, I don't usually post comments like this to the blog, but I just couldn't resist. When I saw the news about the Kindle from Amazon, I was pretty excited. This is something I have been looking forward to for a while. I currently own a Treo smart phone from Palm, and I read books every once in a while on it, but its small, back-lit screen just isn't conducive to long-term reading. The Kindle on the other hand looks like it would be great for cozying up with a cup of tea and reading all night. I was completely sold by the sales pitch on their site. I love that you can download books wirelessly directly to it. But... $400? I just can't get over this price. I remember when I watched the keynote speech by Steve Jobs for the iPhone's debut. He convinced me that the price for the iPhone was reasonable. I wasn't quite ready to buy one yet, but even if it had stayed at the original price of $599, I feel I eventually would. He did a whole iPhone + Internet Device + iPod thing that made me say, "Yeah, $599 is about what I would expect to pay for all that." Mr. Bezos on the other hand did not do such a good job. An electronic device that stores a boatload of books, and connects wirelessly to his website to buy those books, and is really easy to use, just does not equal $399 which coincidentally (or not) is the exact same price now of above said iPhone.

I know there were a whole lot of people, smarter than me, that decided the pricing structure, but it seems to me that a better model would be to price it at say $149, and then plan on selling a whole heck of a lot of books. I know I would probably spend considerably more on books at Amazon than I do now. For the convenience the Kindle would give (have your book anywhere, any time), and the discounted price (less than cover price + no shipping) it seems to me they could make considerably more with a lower up-front price.

So respectfully, Mr. Bezos, cut the price as soon as possible (Apple did it, why can't you?) Then I'll buy one, and you can track my purchases on Amazon.com over the next year to see if you made a smart decision.

LOTTERY Made a Grown Man Cry

2007-11-07T18:20:00.000-05:00

To continue on my post from yesterday, I thought I'd post my review that I wrote for LOTTERY on Amazon.com.

I don't normally read novels of this genre, but when I kept seeing stories online about LOTTERY by Patricia Wood, I decided to give it a try. I got the book in the mail at lunchtime and sat down at the kitchen table to read. An hour later I was deep into the story, with tears in my eyes. Patricia painted such a beautiful picture of a man who most of society would look down upon. In the end, Perry became the kind of man that I hope I can be. Above all else Perry puts others first; the friends that surround him during tragedy, and even the family who try to take advantage of him after he wins $12 Million in the lottery. It is so refreshing to see a story, that puts the American pastime of getting more stuff aside and shows us that there truly are more important things in life.

This is not to say Perry did not have fun with the money. I laughed as he went on a shopping spree with his friend Keith, looking for a 27" TV. Still the most enjoyment he seemed to get, was writing those $500 checks (because he couldn't fit in more zeros) to nearly everyone that asked.

By the end of the day, I read the entire novel and for days after I can't get Perry out of my mind. Thank you Patricia for such a beautiful story. And for anyone unsure about buying the book, please take my word for it, you will be blessed to read it. I would not be surprised to see this rise to the bestseller's lists.

Wow! Someone Is Reading My Book Right Now!

2007-11-05T16:41:00.001-05:00

Ok, not really, but to me that would be cool. I just got Lottery by Patricia Wood in the mail today. I don't know why I was so excited to get it, but I was. I guess because the Author once posted a comment on my blog. How in the world she found me, I have no idea. I've visited her blog several times... What a neat lady. So anyway, I mostly read Fantasy, but the description of her story sounded so compelling, I had to buy it. I even paid full price at Amazon though I usually buy used ones. Hey she seems like a neat lady, I want to help all I can.

So I stared reading at around noon. At 1:30 I emailed her to tell her she made me cry. Me a 40 year old man, sobbing at the kitchen table while eating lunch. Within an hour I get an email back from her, saying she always finds it gratifying to make grown men cry.

Then I got to thinking how cool it would be, as an author, to know that somewhere half way around the world, someone was at this very moment reading a story I wrote. Do I have a big ego or what?

So Pat, if you somehow stumble on this blog again, here's to hoping that you get joy out of knowing I spent almost all afternoon reading Lottery, when I should have been working. So far, I love it. For everyone else out there, I highly recommend it. Buy it now!

How to Get Published

2007-10-31T15:39:00.000-04:00

I had a discussion the other day with a friend of mine about the book publishing business. It got me thinking that I have never really written down the process, as I understand it, to getting a book published. So for my benefit, here is everything that I know, or think I know, about how to get published.

Write The Book - First you must have something to publish. In the fiction world of publishing, unless you are already a published author, you need to have a completed manuscript before you can get a publisher to agree to take on your book. For non-fiction it works a bit differently, you can find a publisher based on a proposal for a book, but then the publisher relies more heavily on what is called your "platform". Platform is basically, your credentials, why will people want to read a book written by you? Usually this is because you have already acquired some kind of fame. Which really goes back to the same thing for fiction work. If you already have a base of buyers that know you or your work, then you can get a publishing deal without having first written the entire manuscript. So that being said, as a new, unpublished fiction author, you must write a great story. Refine that story. Join a critique circle. (I belong to a group on FM Writers Community) Have people read it. Refine some more, until you are absolutely certain it is the best you can write at that moment in time.

Write the Hook - Your next goal will be to get the attention of someone in the publishing industry. This is typically done through a "Query" process. Which starts by writing a query letter, that includes your hook. The hook, as I talked about earlier, is a paragraph or two that will make people want to buy your book. Maybe at some point I'll go into what I think that looks like further, but for our purposes here, you are going to write the best darn letter you can that makes someone interested enough to want to see more. Don't try to guilt them into reading more. Don't try to trick them into reading more. Just be professional, and write something compelling.

Hire an Agent - Next you might think you need to find a publisher. While this is true, there is one major problem. Many of the big publishing houses do not except submissions directly from authors, or "Unsolicited Manuscripts" as they like to call them. Therefore the best next step is to find a Literary Agent. An agent will help you get in the door at the publishers. They also help negotiate contracts, sell sub-rights (movie deals, language translations, Action Figures, etc...) and they help guide your career. They can and should be a good sounding board to bounce ideas off of. Here are some quick notes about what I've learned about finding an agent:

Research Agents - Do lots of homework to find agents that would be a good fit. Only query agents that represent your genre. If you write fantasy, don't query an agent that doesn't say they represent fantasy.

Beware of Frauds - There are a whole lot of people out there, eager to take advantage of folks like you who have a dream of being published. Watch out for them. Look at potential agents client lists. Talk to their clients. Don't pay a fee to them for them to look at your work. Legitimate agents get paid when you get paid. Here are some sites to help protect yourself:

Follow the Rules - Once you find your list of agents, find out how they want to receive queries. Then do what they say. If they only ask for a query letter, only send a letter. If they ask for a letter and the first five pages, send the first five pages. If they want it typed in a certain font, mailed with a SASE then do it. At this point you don't want to lose out on a great agent because you tried to be cute, or tried to stand out from the rest. Let your writing, and only your writing stand out.

Be Courteous, but Persistent - Agents get hundreds of queries a week. It can take months for them to get to yours. Don't shoot off an email after only a week asking if they read your query. Your best bet is just query as many agents as you can and then do something else. Work on your next book. If your writing is good, they will contact you.

Send Your Manuscript - Usually the next step would be to send your manuscript to agents who request it based on your query, or upon a short amount of writing they have previously requested. Again follow the rules. Then wait again. At this point you can be a little more proactive. When you send in the manuscript, try to get the agent to tell you a time-frame that they will look at it. Ask them if it will be OK for you to contact them after that time period to see if they have had a chance to read it. But still, remember that they are very busy, they have clients, queries, and other manuscripts to look at.

Celebrate - At some point, hopefully, you will get a call from an agent (or multiple agents) offering representation. Again there are many things to think about before you sign on the dotted line, and perhaps I will cover that in the future as well, but congratulate yourself, this is a huge accomplishment.

Modify the Manuscript - Many times at this point, the agent will have advice for you to help make your story stronger. Listen carefully. They are the experts. This doesn't mean you have to do everything they say, but give much more weight to what they say, than if your Aunt Edith told you she hated your protagonist, and why don't you make him a her instead.

Find a Publisher - This is where your agent gets to do her job. Your new agent will now go through a similar process that you did to find your agent. They will write a query letter. They will research their target list of editors at publishing houses, etc... But their biggest advantage is that they should already have a pretty well established relationship with editors from all the big houses. So when they tell Editor A at Random House that he will love your story, Editor A should be happy to take a look at it. If the agent does her job right, and if your writing is as good as she thinks it is, she should be able to find one, or hopefully more than one editor that wants to publish your story. At which point your agent will help you decide who to go with, and help you negotiate your contract.

Modify the Manuscript - Again the Editor will probably have some feedback on your story. How to make it even stronger. Take their advice.

Book Production - At this stage the book is for the most part out of your hands. The publisher will design the book. Design the cover. Again they are the professionals here. You will hopefully get a chance to offer your suggestions on the design, but don't be surprised if they don't take all, or any of your advice.

Promotion - You may think your job is done once the book goes to press, but it isn't. Publishers will allocate a budget for promoting your book, but at this point if you think of their job as getting the books to the store shelves, and your job to promote it, you will be better off. Book signings. Speaking at Libraries, book clubs. Getting involved in various online activities; building your own site, writing a blog, etc... Do everything you can yourself to promote your book. Don't count on the publisher doing it all for you.

Write the Next Book - Through all of this you should be writing the next story. Most Agents and Editors want you to always be working on the next story. I've heard that to get an agent, many times they will want to know that you already have a second book in the works. They are in it for the long haul, and don't usually want one book authors.

So, there you have it. Everything I know about publishing (condensed in easy to swallow chunks). One caveat to all this: I am not a published author. All of this I have learned from reading blogs on publishing. Lots of blogs. So take what I say with that in mind. Do your own research, and if you find something that I've said that is just plain wrong, let me know.

The Waiting Game

2007-10-30T12:21:00.001-04:00

I read a great post today on the BookEnds site. In it Jessica talks about being on the receiving end of the torture that I have read plagues most writers... waiting to hear from a prospect they've queried.

Although I haven't walked down this path yet, I love that there are stories like this out there. Basically Jessica, an agent, had to grin and bear it for several days as she waited to see if an author would choose her as their agent. Oh to be in such an enviable spot as this author. Apparently she had offers of representation by six agents, and she agonized over which to choose. Jessica apparently was the winner. Good for her. But the hidden author's story is what gives me great hope.

I read statistics every day about how hard it is to find an agent that wants to represent you. Miss Snark used to say that it is all about the writing, and if your writing is good enough you will get published, eventually. But there is always that nagging voice in the back of my head, "What if it is more than that? What if I have to have connections?"

Well apparently for this author it was all about the writing. Her query must have been great, her writing even better. She had SIX agents wanting to represent her!

So now I know that if I can't find an agent, it is not because there are too many hoops to jump through, or not because I didn't know the right people. It will be because my writing wasn't up to snuff. I find comfort in that for some reason.

The Hook Part 2

2007-10-26T13:19:00.000-04:00

Ok,

Since I posted this new, revised hook on the BookEnds, LLC site for possible critique, I thought I'd post it here too. If I get a crit, from BookEnds, I'll post that in the future.

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Aberthuil Nauile doesn’t know that he once led legions in a war that raged since the dawn of time, against an enemy that cannot be killed. He doesn’t know that he rode on a dragon with his father, and saw his mother die while giving birth to him. He doesn’t know that he once saved his great, great, great grandfather by defeating the black enemy on the slopes of a volcano. Aberthuil doesn’t know that he beheld the creation of the world, as his grandfather eight generations before took the planet ravaged by a war of the gods and began anew. All he knows is that he awoke in a coffin in a tomb, and now the whole world thinks he is their savior. All he really wants to know is his name, and why he keeps hearing voices in his head.
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Seems a little wordy at times, but it has potential I think.

The Hook

2007-10-25T09:21:00.000-04:00

I know it is probably way too soon to be thinking of this, but I have been working off and on for months on coming up with a hook for Crimson Swarm. The hook is somewhat akin to the jacket copy on a finished novel. That quick paragraph or two that will entice people to buy the book, instead of the one sitting next to it on the shelf. So far I have not been happy with anything I've come up with. But this morning I saw this entry by Kristin Nelson: http://pubrants.blogspot.com/2007/10/blog-pitch-workshop-part-i.html

A light really came on for me. So I quickly dashed off a hook. It is very rough still, so I won't post it, but using her basic thoughts, and the example she gave from Harry Potter, I am really excited about a hook for the first time. This is probably the 5th or 6th one I've written, and it is the first one that makes me think someone might want to buy the book based on it.

Of course my goal will be to find an agent with it (who knows maybe it will be Kristin).

Half a Year Gone

2007-10-13T13:31:00.000-04:00

Laying in bed last night I realized that I have less than six months to my birthday. This doesn't usually keep me up at night but what it signifies is I have only a short while to get Crimson Swarm polished up and completed. I had a goal of having the story complete by the time I turned 40. Well that was last March. I came close to having draft one done by then, I think I finished it some time in April. I made a new goal at that time to have draft two done by my next birthday, in effect complete "while" I'm still 40.

So this morning I cleaned up Chapter 2 as much as I could and posted it to my crit circle. I can't say enough good things about belonging to a group like this. I am certain that my writing would not be anywhere near the quality it is now (what level of quality it is, I still don't know for certain).

Now I need to jump to the back of the book and work more on fleshing out the ending. It is coming together nicely, but still needs some work to satisfy me (and my friend who really disliked my original ending).