Stuyvesant Town's Lux Living has moved to stuytownluxliving.com

Lux Living Has Moved

2008-07-07T13:24:00.003-04:00

Thank you for reading Lux Living.

Over the weekend we moved from our Blogger tenement to our new lux living website. Our new site is www.stuytownluxliving.com. There will be no additional MCI charges for the new website.

Over the next week, we will be importing all of the old comments to the new site so they won't be lost.

- Lux Living

Lux Living is Moving

2008-07-05T08:35:00.002-04:00

Lux Living is taking the weekend off to prepare for the launch of our new website

Stuyvesant Town July 4th Spectacular

2008-07-04T15:39:00.010-04:00

Stuyvesant Town is inviting its rent stabilized tenants to join them at their First Annual 4th of July Spectacular in Stuyvesant Oval for free food, live music and a fireworks display that is being hyped as “breathtaking.”

Tishman Speyer hopes the event will demonstrate they are committed to servicing their meat and potato tenants. So committed, that market rate tenants are not invited to the event. Instead they will have to endure the lousy panoramic view of the so-so Macy’s fireworks from the roofs of Stuy Town.

The Tenants Among the Stars party in the Oval will include a plethora of mixed drink selections including an exotic, potent fruit punch from Guyana. Rent stabilized tenants who don’t pass out from being “intoxicated” will be herded to the center of the Oval to view the half hour long fireworks show in the TNT pit. The dramatic show with culminate with a spectacular surprise ending that involves special presents for the stabilized tenants to be dropped from stealth bombers.

Bring the kids!

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Tuberculosis Scare Brings Down the Walls

2008-07-03T06:39:00.003-04:00

As details about Manhattan’s most controversial “luxury” housing complex and its new plague begin to see the light, it’s becoming apparent that their interiors don’t. In another embarrassment for Stuyvesant Town and their clueless management company, Tishman Speyer, the complex has shut down the production of their pressurized walls because of a tuberculosis epidemic sweeping the complex.

The pressurized wall system was the earthworm on the hook of the Stuyvesant Town leasing office who lured tenants in by allowing them to build a fake wall, at their expense of course, so they could convert their living room into an additional bedroom. This would allow tenants the option of tolerating “luxury” roommates, making life in Stuyvesant Town almost affordable.

But then market rate tenants starting becoming sick, very sick, and Beth Israel Hospital noticed an increase in Stuyvesant Town residents catching tuberculosis. After several buildings were inspected by local health officials it was determined that the pressurized walls blocked out sunlight and prevented air from circulating in the luxury apartments.

“This is inexcusable,” said a health inspector who asked to remain anonymous. “New York City hasn’t seen such unhealthy living conditions since the days of the tenements on the Lower East Side.”

Speaking of which, following in the path of the Tenement Museum on the Lower East Side, Stuyvesant Town will soon be adding OvalSlum to their list of useless amenities sweeping the Oval. The half-baked museum will show how blond girls from red states are living with, like, roommates and stuff, and couldn’t get good cell reception, and, like managed to still get take out . OMG? WTF? Flip flop. Flip flop.

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Stuyvesant Town's Pressure Walls Discontinued

2008-07-02T11:29:00.018-04:00

It seems the flimsy, pressurized wall system Stuyvesant Town had used as a major selling point in pushing their overpriced, market rate apartments will no longer be offered. All of the information regarding the wall system has been removed from the Stuyvesant Town website.

A Stuy-Spy contacted Lux Living this morning after being informed by Stuy Town that the pressurized walls are no longer available to new tenants in Stuyvesant Town or Peter Cooper Village, though the tenant was offered "free privacy screens, the option to break out lease, [or] some sort of financial incentive." Management said there was an issue with the walls though they couldn't explain what the problem was or give any real details. They also said that all of the existing walls in ST/PCV will have to be replaced to bring them up to whatever code they are violating.

Lux Living called Stuyvesant Town’s management office this morning and confirmed the pressurized wall system was abruptly discontinued by Tishman Speyer last week. The rep we spoke with had no additional details.

Fire hazard? Cheap construction? It’s really anyone’s guess. The one thing we are sure of is that market rate tenants are clearly not getting preferential treatment for the extra bucks they pay.

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Stuyvesant Town Construction Disaster Creates Majestic Waterfall Attraction

2008-07-02T00:45:00.007-04:00

Undocumented day laborers created quite a spectacle Tuesday morning after breaking several water mains in a Stuyvesant Town building, causing millions of gallons of water to spill onto First Avenue.

Three apartments were secretly being combined on the thirteenth floor to make a lusty bachelor pad for Tishman Speyer’s President, Rob Speyer, so he could secretly entertain his rotating group of male “friends.” The clandestine project had been underway for several weeks and was problematic from the start when the illiterate workers began demolishing apartments on the twelfth floor.

“I have a hard time sleeping so I took an Ambien,” says traumatized tenant Alice Molinksy. “I woke up and found all these little guys drilling holes in my walls. I grabbed my bat and started beating them like piñatas! I didn’t know what else to do!”

Once the immigrant workers migrated to the correct floor, they began tearing down retainer walls and smashing out windows. Then yesterday they jack hammered water mains without first turning off the water supply, causing millions of gallons of water to flood the apartment creating a thirteen story waterfall on First Avenue.

Residents on the street below ran for their lives, narrowly averting death. On the plus side the water washed away the new leasing office being constructed directly below the falls, preventing potential tenants from being subjected to life in the “luxury” complex.

With a string of recent bad publicity including golf cart accidents, unlawful evictions, and profiling tenants who Stuyvesant Town and Peter Cooper Village advertise with, it’s no surprise Tishman Speyer did not return calls to comment on the incident.

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Stuyvesant Town: A Shot at Love

2008-07-01T19:22:00.007-04:00

Submitted by Lux Living reader, Jeanne.

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Residents Get Sick as Stuyvesant Town Digs up More Than Just Dirt.

2008-07-01T05:20:00.006-04:00

This week The Center of Health, Environment and Justice will release a frightening report detailing how Stuyvesant Town’s ongoing landscaping project is unearthing toxic remnants of the old gas house district that once occupied the land. The airborne toxins are believed to be responsible for a dramatic increase in various types of cancers and respiratory problems for Stuyvesant Town residents.

The report examines the New York State Department of Health’s medical records from 2004-2008 and noticed that the average number of newly diagnosed cases of cancer in Stuyvesant Town went from approximately five per year in 2004 to an astonishing one hundred and fifty-three per year as of June, 2008.

The report blames high levels of toxins in the air recently unearthed during the landscaping project that intended to improve the quality of life for Stuyvesant Town residents. Instead, the report shows the landscaping project being carried out by Peter Walker and Partners Landscape Architecture is cutting their lives short.

An anonymous official who worked closely on the report wasn't surprised. “Common sense says you don’t unearth some of the most toxic land in New York State and host weekly events on it,” he tells us. “This is a perfect explanation of why most of the new greenery has died.”

When asked for comment, a representative from Tishman Speyer repeatedly slammed his phone on his desk screaming, “F***! F***! F***! F***! F***!”

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Stuyvesant Town's Staged Press is a Disaster too.

2008-06-30T06:40:00.015-04:00

The New York Times ran a well orchestrated, (yet utterly uninteresting), article yesterday presenting Stuyvesant Town as a semi-OK place to live. Aside from that, we’re not quite sure what the point of the PR blunder was.

To save you from reading the dry-as-toast piece.

Maggie Weber and Joey Arak. Maggie is a school teacher. Joey is an editor at Curbed.com, a website we love, whose online advertisers include Stuyvesant Town and Peter Cooper Village.

Maggie and Joey lived in the East Village but they wanted to move. Maggie leases a car. Maggie likes to drive. Maggie couldn't find parking. Maggie found parking! Drat! The community garden opposite the building where she wanted to park, “functioned more as a raucous gathering place than a vegetable plot.”

The point of the article is here somewhere.

Maggie and Joey’s old apartment had roaches. After some minor apartment hunting this past April, Maggie and Joey ended up in Stuyvesant Town. Stuyvesant Town doesn’t have roaches. Huh?

Maggie and Joey have a dog. Their dog is named Frank. Frank is cute. Frank barks. The neighbors complain when Frank barks. Maggie and Joey buy a collar that gases Frank when it barks.

The point? Oh, that’s right, the point!

Mr. Arak said he is a “devout reader” of the Stuyvesant Town tenants’ message boards. Mr. Arak says, “I am amazed at the anger against market raters and Tishman Speyer. If I didn’t live here, I would assume it is a living hell.”

That "living hell" was featured last week in The New York Times, one of the many articles describing the chaos in the complex, but, OK.

Mr. Arak continues, “But I love living here." (Wait 12 months.) "Now we have this big apartment that is nicer than anything I thought I would be able to afford. I never thought I would have a dishwasher in my whole life.”

Big and nice. Never in his whole life? A sentiment so sweet, it’s like Tishman Speyer wrote it themselves.

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Comment of the Week

2008-06-29T12:07:00.001-04:00

"I wonder why us rent stabilized tenants received a notice from Tish Spy that we're supposed to close ourselves in our bathrooms and thoroughly seal the windows and doors with duct tape, since our "special" air (as they refer to it) will be pumped in through the shower heads?

- Girl, in response to "Life on the Inside: Air"

The Lux Weekender: Tree Planting 911

2008-06-28T07:09:00.005-04:00

Grab your spade and join your fellow residents Saturday morning to help Stuyvesant Town finish the landscaping project they clearly can’t finish on their own. Starting at 7AM residents are encouraged to finish planting the rest of the expensive trees that Peter Walker and Partners left un-watered and ready to die. After all, you are paying for them.

Somewhere, Alfred Joyce Kilmer is rolling in his grave.

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National Geographic Features Stuyvesant Town’s Lost Tasaday Tribe

2008-06-27T06:40:00.008-04:00

Finally this week, some good press for Tishman Speyer and their lovechild, Stuyvesant Town. The latest copy of National Geographic which hits newsstands on Tuesday has a glowing cover story on the recently discovered Tasaday Tribe residing in Stuyvesant Town’s Avenue C loop.

The tribe was discovered back in February soon after Tishman Speyer hired landscape demolition experts Peter Walker and Partners to start cutting down hundreds of healthy trees to make room for the new haphazardly planted dead saplings, ragweed, and brier patches.

In the article PWP associate Douglas Findlay describes his first encounter with the tribe. “Dude, we had just leveled this huge Oak tree in Stuyvesant Oval and started throwing rocks at a Cardinal we found trying to protect her fallen nest. Then, like, all of a sudden my crew started dropping like flies. That’s when we first saw the little bastards.”

The Tasaday Tribe shot poisonous blow darts at the landscape “architects” before being bagged and beaten by Stuyvesant Town security. Soon after human rights pioneer, Audley Moore, rose from the dead just long enough to put a curse on Stuyvesant Town, Tishman Speyer, and Peter Walker and Partners for the mistreatment of the tribe.

Fearing more bad publicity and yearning for curse avoidance, Tishman Speyer quickly hired Costas Kondylis and Partners to erect a tricked out tree fort in the Oval for the tribe. The Tasaday’s were also given their own golf carts so they could roam freely around the complex. In addition, a new series of TV commercials for Stuyvesant Town featuring the tribe, produced by the Martin Agency of Geico fame, will hit the air later this summer.

Artwork Submitted by Lux Living reader, Joan.

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Rob Speyer Displays Troubled Behavior and a Controversial Future Stuy Town

2008-06-26T09:36:00.010-04:00

Tishman Speyer hoped to relieve Stuyvesant Town residents with their innovative ideas at a press conference held this morning when they unveiled their bold new plans for the future of Stuyvesant Town. Unfortunately those in attendance who witnessed the bizarre events were left wondering if this is the beginning of the end for the luxury management company and their president.

It all began last month when it was announced the much hyped press conference would be held at the Howard Johnson Express Inn located at 135 East Houston Street, quite a departure from their last conference held at The Plaza Hotel.

Then Tish-Spy President Rob Speyer showed up thirty minutes late to the press conference wearing unusually tight clothing which he purchased at the neighboring American Apparel moments before arriving. Reeking of alcohol and chain smoking, Mr. Speyer launched into an incoherent rant in which he said things like, “If I have to hear one more word about those damn trees I’m torching the place,” and “There’s two guys having sex in my SUV parked on Delancey and I just met them.” Mr. Speyer was eventually sedated and taken to an adjacent room while an assistant proceeded with the press conference.

Then there was the much anticipated reveal of what the future Stuyvesant Town would look like. Onlookers were expecting the typical, unimaginative floor-to-ceiling glass box banality that is sweeping the city but there was an audible gasp when the “Stuyvesant Town 2020” 3D rendering was revealed which heavily drew inspiration from the notorious Kowloon Walled City.

During an intense Q & A regarding the rendering, Mr. Speyer reemerged from the broom closet, sans trou, screaming, “You want middle class? I’ll give you bitches middle class!” before tripping over a plastic Yucca tree and knocking himself unconscious on the floor.

When asked for a statement the Tishman Speyer representative we spoke with made ‘busy signal’ noises into the phone before hanging up.

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Life on the Inside: Air

2008-06-25T15:28:00.008-04:00

Submitted by Lux Living reader, Patti.

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Z100 Stuyvesant Town Apartment Giveaway

2008-06-25T06:00:00.009-04:00

Radio station Z100 and Stuyvesant Town have named Michigan transplant Brandon Miller (pictured) as the winner of their Z100 Stuyvesant Town Apartment Giveaway contest. Stuyvesant Town and their brilliant management team, Tishman Speyer, hoped the contest would increase awareness of the luxury rental complex with the hard partying Jersey girls and crystal meth smoking gay men who make up the station’s key demographic while still maintaining its luxurious image with the elite tenants who currently reside there.

Miller’s new apartment is located on Avenue C and overlooks the scenic FDR drive. The one bedroom apartment comes furnished with $10,000 worth of futons and bean bag chairs from Huffman Koos and a Bose Ipod Dock so Brandon can listen to remixes of Haddaway’s One More Time whenever he likes.

Brandon celebrated his first weekend in Stuy Town by taking part in the Dude & Bro Pub Crawl before polishing off a case of Bud Light with a man pal in a playground and passing out drunk beneath a security camera.

Tishman Speyer is so proud of this outside-of-the-box approach to management they are working on a new campaign in which they will pay drunks to hand out incentive flyers to the homeless twenty-something-year-olds who live in Tompkins Square Park.

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Stuyvesant Town Falls Short on Landscaping Date

2008-06-24T14:11:00.014-04:00

Residents of Manhattan’s most glamorous luxury rental residence woke up this morning to find yet more disappointment from management in their inboxes. An email sent out by Tishman Speyer, the company responsible for the dramatic drop in the complex’s occupancy rate, stated that the mammoth landscaping project which began in February will not meet the expected completion date of June 20th, 2008.

“We regret to inform you that the re-greening of Stuyvesant Town will take much longer than expected because of unforeseen setbacks,” the email stated. “Aside from the 200,000 trees that died soon after planting, we have come to learn that most of our gardeners were undocumented illegal immigrants and were found to be taking massive amounts of hallucinogenics during the planting process. This is why you will find that the few trees which actually survived are planted within inches of each other.”

The project is the creation of Peter Walker and Partners, a landscape architecture firm based in Berkeley, Calif. An article in The New York Times back in April quoted Peter Walker as saying, “This is probably the largest planting project we have ever done.” Clearly.

The email stated the new expected deadline for the project will be June 20th, 2009. Some residents were so angered that they stormed the management office, flipping over several dangerous golf carts, and threw large potted plants and tree branches through the windows before burning it to the ground.

Mayor Michael Bloomberg issued a statement following the four alarm blaze saying, “I think Tishman Speyer forgets that the only way you can successfully run a property that size is to keep the tenants happy. You can only test their patience for so long.”

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OvalCharge

2008-06-24T05:26:00.011-04:00

OvalCharge! Reach up and grab a live wire from one the Oval trees and you are good to go! Sure, the trees at Tavern on the Green are far more beautiful but are they functional? N to the O!

Just moments after you’ve hooked into OvalCharge, your Ipod or mobile device will be up and running allowing you to return to your hectic, multi-tasking lifestyle.

Free pair of sneakers to the first three residents who sign up for OvalCharge!

*This service may be suspended in wet weather."id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5215571013353469538" />Submitted by Lux Living reader, Joan.

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Stuyvesant Town Tenant Referral Program

2008-06-23T06:19:00.005-04:00

Stuyvesant Town wants to shower its luxury residents with fabulous gifts for participating in their ~~inmate~~ tenant referral program!

Here’s how the program works! If you refer someone who signs a lease, each of you will receive a $75 gift certificate to the local PETLAND DISCOUNTS so you can purchase a sick animal for your swank, new apartment! For every three newly signed leases you refer by August 31, 2008, you’ll not only receive that dead parrot, you’ll receive a choice of one of the following:

• Five $2 gift cards to BARGAIN BIZARRE on 14th Street.
• A free VHS rental from BLOCKBUSTER.
• A delicious Açaí Berry smoothie from BRUNO RAVIOLI.

In order to be eligible, your soon-to-be ex friends must include your name and address on the registration form when they sign their financial security away. Start earning your rewards today!

Call 888.231.8690 for more details.

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Comment of the Week

2008-06-22T07:59:00.000-04:00

"I love that they discontinued the yearly flea market because it didn't mesh with their wanting-to-be-perceived as young and hip image yet they have no problem with piles of garbage like this just sitting there for days."

- Anonymous blogger in response to "Darling, I Love You, but Give Me a Stuy Town View!"

The Lux Weekender: Bed Bug Clinic

2008-06-21T06:58:00.006-04:00

Are you one of the thousands of Stuyvesant Town residents being devoured in the latest bed bug epidemic? Then get your red, punctured flesh over to OvalPest this weekend and learn the latest techniques in germ warfare to keep your apartment vermin free!

Renowned scientist Dr. William Worthington will lead a four hour seminar in which he will divulge some of his most prized recipes proven effective in killing Mother Nature’s little pariahs.

Working in a semi-controlled environment, Dr. Worthington will show residents how they can make their own potent DDT/inhalation anthrax blend right at home with items found at the local hardware store. Residents will then be encouraged to spread the relief by hosting Tupperware-like biological warfare parties to show other residents how to defeat the mini blood suckers.

Tishman Speyer said they are aware of the beg bug epidemic and encourage residents to call a special hot line they setup which promises to go directly to voice mail.

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Stuyvesant Town Community Events

2008-06-20T11:16:00.011-04:00

When Stuyvesant Town’s community isn’t being torn apart by skyrocketing rent hikes and improper evictions, it thrives! And who wouldn’t thrive with these lovely events planned for the second half of June!

Stuyvesant Town Greenmarket
Every Sunday at the OvalBeet from 9:30am-4pm.

The freshest fruit, vegetables, flowers and baked goods, all from neighborhood bodegas. Think fresh, settle for less.

Wine Tasting with Michael Moore
Monday, June 23. 6:30am at OvalLush.

Join us on Monday morning to sample the newest wines created by controversial filmmaker Michael Moore. Favorites include Shiite Shiraz, Conspiracy Sauvignon, and Guantanamo Gewürztraminer.

Hamptons and Fire Island Shuttle
Fridays, June 20 & 27. Pickup at 6:30pm at OvalHitchhiker.

To reserve a seat, visit www.urbansherpa.biz/pcvst. For pricing and other information, call Recreation, at 212-598-5296.

This free shuttle service is perfect for those residents who can’t afford an apartment, a summer home AND a car. But don’t stay too long or you’ll be evicted for that other “full time” residence!

Lil’ Tykes Good Citizen Day
Saturday, June 28. 10am-1pm at OvalBrats.

Are the kids you always wanted turning out to be more than you can handle? Joe Frost from Supernanny will be on hand to whip those little devils into shape.

Armed with nothing but a whip and bullhorn Miss Frost will offer her famous brand of child taming for parents pushed to their emotional edge. She will also award “Good Jr. Citizen” certifications, designed to reward children who have good manners at home and in the community.

Coming in July…

Day trips to McSwiggins and Coyote Ugly!

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OvalPee

2008-06-19T21:11:00.010-04:00

Submitted by Lux Living reader, Joan.

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Darling, I Love You, but Give Me a Stuy Town View!

2008-06-18T07:41:00.004-04:00

Are you part of the elite group of residents fortunate enough to be living the high life in Stuyvesant Town? Want outsiders to see the beauty, intrigue and glamour they are missing? Trip over yet another pile of garbage?

Submit photos of your luxurious environment so other, less fortunate New Yorkers can see what a $25,000 a month lifestyle looks like!

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Tish-Spy Strikes Black Gold

2008-06-17T11:57:00.005-04:00

An article published in The New York Times today reveals that Tishman-Speyer, the property management company responsible for slowly running Stuyvesant Town into the ground, purchased the complex because it sits on oil-rich land.

Residents have long wondered what the haphazard fences and scaffolding have been hiding the past few weeks that is until this morning when they were taken down to reveal dozens of huge nodding donkeys.

“I can’t believe my eyes,” one resident told us in shock. “What next, a nuclear reactor? Oh, I shouldn’t give them any ideas!”

After several unreturned phone calls, a Tish-Spy representative fired off an email stating, “It’s obvious we have no interest in maintaining the buildings or the property. Is anybody really surprised?”

Elderly Suffer In Luxury Complex

2008-06-16T05:32:00.004-04:00

Residents living in New York City’s most infamous housing complex know firsthand the difficulties of getting around on the 80-acre quagmire. On any given day Stuyvesant Town’s tenants must dodge construction equipment, avoid falling into freshly dug holes, tap dance their way around huge piles of garbage all while steering clear of property managers who race golf carts on the sidewalks like 12 year-olds.

And then there is the issue with large, unexplained fences arbitrarily placed throughout the complex. The fences block access to everything including traffic, delivery trucks and emergency vehicles. Some residents can’t even use their front doors because they wake up to their building needlessly fenced off.

The upwardly mobile are fortunate in the sense that they can step over the piles of garbage and scale the fences when needed. For Stuyvesant Town’s senior citizens life on the outside is increasingly difficult.

86 year-old Ed Woodmunch (pictured) only leaves his apartment once a week now because he can’t get around the complex in his wheelchair. “They block the wheelchair ramps with bushes, there’s garbage everywhere, and I get lost because I can’t see over the fences,” he tells us. “The last time I was able to get to the senior center for bingo, I arrived only to find out they converted it to a wine shop. I don’t like wine.”

Other seniors avoid the Oval because they fear getting hit by the speeding trucks that pass by. “I can only move so fast and these young men drive right up behind me and honk,” another senior tells us. “I think they’re trying to kill me for my apartment.”

A Stuyvesant Town spokesperson acknowledges the property is a bit disheveled right now but dismisses rumors they are trying to off the elderly tenants for their apartments. “That would be too much work on our part, they should just sit quietly at home until it’s their time to go.”

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