No Direction Needed

More than words can say

2008-08-28T23:16:00.002-04:00

I've just seen the greatest speech of my life. Barack Obama's acceptance of the Democratic nomination surpassed all expectations and gave me great faith that he will not only win the election, but lead America out of its current malaise. In that one speech he shed the Democrats' traditional labels of raising taxes and soft on defense. He also showed the ability to find common ground between disagreeing parties, hopefully ending the recent political trend of us vs. them. But more than anything Obama's speech inspired me and convinced me that our country can once again become the country the world turns to for hope and guidance.

He's got my vote in November. What about you?

From a very sunny garden apartment

2008-08-27T15:07:00.003-04:00

I can't believe I left DC four weeks ago. A few notes on the first (almost) month in Chicago:

- My new place has taken a little getting used to, especially the lack of AC, but now it's fine. My old place was much nicer than what I needed and in the long run I'll be glad I'm saving the money on a cheaper apartment.

- Chicago is huge. I thought DC was a big city. I was wrong. I live in the city of Chicago but it still takes me almost an hour to get downtown on a bus or train. Compare that to DC, where even if I lived all the way out in Fairfax (the end of the Orange Line) it would only take half an hour to get to Metro Center in the heart of the city.

- Speaking of public transportation, most of northwest DC is within five blocks of any Metro station. If Chicago wanted to blanket the city in a similar fashion, either the sun would be blocked out by all the elevated tracks or Boston's Big Dig would look like some kids playing in a sandbox. Guess I better learn the bus system.

- Chicago's regional train system, Metra, doesn't accept credit cards. At all. Also, the only way to pay online is to first mail them an application. FAIL.

- I'm still looking for a job. I've got enough in savings to be a little picky, but I'd really like something to come along soon. Is it too much to ask for to find a job where I get to play with numbers and interact with clients in a fun industry where I feel like I'm contributing to the world while making enough money to pay off my obnoxious student loans? Probably so, but I sure hope not.

- If I had to do this over again, I'd do it in a heartbeat. It's scary as hell but it's exciting and I know the right opportunity will come along. Now get up here and visit before it gets too cold.

2008-07-31T12:45:00.000-04:00

I leave DC for Chicago today. I know I'm making the right decision for my long-term goals, but today I'm in mourning for the life I have built here. I've grown so much in the past two years that to put it all down would be impossible...especially given how much more needs to get done before I can go. But I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone I've been fortunate enough to meet during my two years here. I have made some amazing friends and hope to keep in touch for years to come.

Last night I knew just how lucky I've been when an army of friends came over to help me pack and say goodbye. Rarely have I been so touched and humbled by the overwhelming display of support. To Stephanie W., Tim, Clare, Dave, Michelle, Daimon, Kirsten, Andrea and Jeff, my endless gratitude. Thank you for making me feel like such an important part of your lives.

And thank you Anik, for being a great roommate. Whether it was homebrewing or buying me tickets to a concert I didn't go to, we've always managed to have a good time. You are in an elite class of platonic male living companions.

Finally, the one who deserves more thanks than I can ever possibly give, is my wonderful girlfriend, Stephanie. Your love and devotion have meant more to me than any explanation could provide. While I am sad to leave DC, I am thrilled to be living closer to you. You've been with me every step of this decision and your faith in me gives me the strength to take this risk. I love you.

Goodbye, DC. Hello, Chicago.

Blaster Master = Mr. Master

2008-07-17T11:06:00.002-04:00

Great article my buddy Dave (of News Hour with Jim Lehrer fame) found in NYT. It's an article about alcohol consumption in the summer in which the interviewees are really just post-college boozehounds, yet they get the traditional courtesy title. That led to a discussion of other hilarious uses of courtesy titles, so we decided to come up with our own:

Mr. Flash
Mr. Dirty Bastard
Mr. Killah
Mr. Edge
Ms. Sovereign

Leave your own in the comments.

Courtesy titles
Good to know if boy or girl
Then hijinks ensue

Good thing I don't need to feel cool

2008-07-13T01:58:00.003-04:00

I want to post about Taiwan, but I have to figure out how I want to do it. It's going to be more than a running diary because that would just be lame. I guess I'll start with my latest musical obsession, Puffy Amiyumi.

I stumbled across them during my flight across the Pacific. Their sugary sweet female-driven power pop is a siren call I cannot ignore. I'm woefully late to the party, seeing as how they've been around more than a decade and even toured in the US, but here's a couple tracks from their latest album, Honeycreeper, Oriental Diamond and Kichibiru Motion.

And what the hell, let's bring back the haiku.

With some catchy hooks
I'll listen to any band
In any language

The Rise and Fall of the Beckett Empire

2008-06-24T11:34:00.000-04:00

Josh Beckett from Spring, Texas. The name and birthplace combine as if from a book of tall tales: Josh Beckett, the man who saddled a tornado and rode it to the ground. The reality isn't all that far from the truth. Beckett is the rare individual who elevates his performance when he is most needed to perform. His postseason numbers - 1.73 ERA in 72.2 IP with an almost 6/1 K/BB ratio - show ample proof of this claim. But Josh Beckett is unfortunately human, and his humanity is shown through his complete representation of his birthplace. The Texan has the steely glare and unflappable resolve under duress, but also suffers the wild swings of prosperity only found in the Lone Star State.

Beckett's tale is an easy yet powerful one to tell because he is simply the latest in a rich history of hard-nosed gunslingers. Buzz Bissinger, fearful rants aside, has written some very powerful words, including his description of the Texas economy in Friday Night Lights. Through his eyes, we see the Wild West still exists, but the confrontation isn't between the sheriff and the outlaw; it's the oil men against the world. Their fortunes rise and fall and rise again, but the fear of destitution always lingers. Beckett exists in the same metaphysical space: despite his two World Series rings, he will never be able to escape his injury-plagued past. Blisters are his dry oil wells.

For this reason Beckett's career will not be defined until he decides it is ready for definition. His early struggles, set against the backdrop of lofty expectations, have framed the scene. Beckett has already steered his story arc away from The Mark Prior Tragedy but the spectres of Potential and Dominance remain central characters. Beckett has only pitched more than 200 innings twice in his career and is not on pace to do so in 2008. But he averages more than a strikeout per inning and an almost 5/1 K/BB ratio, an almost unspeakable combination. His current comparables don't predict a bright future, but none of them have (or had) his natural talent. It's properly Texan of him to succeed or fail so spectacularly with no in between.

The Legend of Josh Beckett will make a great bedtime story someday. He's the man who singlehandedly ended The Yankee Dynasty, then fulfilled his destiny by cementing the ascension of the Red Sox. Or he's the man who had a momentary grip on greatness, only to fall to an inglorious end. So, like every great legend, it will leave out the most interesting parts.

This will only serve as more motivation

2008-06-23T11:19:00.002-04:00

Demetrius Bell can't get any love. Literally. After being summarily dismissed by his pathetic excuse for a father, Bell is now the lowest rated player in Madden '09 by six points. On a 100-point scale, six points is a pretty big deal. Maybe Ethan Albright can give him some advice.

Worlds Apart

2008-06-21T18:08:00.003-04:00

Texts between my roommate and me:

Me: I finally got the top to the [martini] shaker off!
Anik: Nice. I just met Dave Chappelle in the elevator.

+1 Anik

They don't even make good doorstops

2008-05-27T09:44:00.002-04:00

If I had to guess on the general demographics of the half-dozen or so people that still read these ramblings, I would say the typical reader is in his or her mid 20s, employed and computer literate. Beyond those obvious remarks I would further venture that a typical reader owns a cell phone but not a landline. If I combined the two assumptions of cell phone ownership and computer literacy I believe I could reasonably conclude that my typical reader does not use a traditional paper phone book. But I bet my typical reader still gets one.

Your good mission for the day, should you choose to accept it, is to go to Yellow Pages Goes Green and register your address to halt the delivery of a resource you never use. Besides, you never use that coupon for $3 off your oil change anyway.

/PSA

Moscow's Midnight Madness

2008-05-21T22:04:00.004-04:00

You probably know the score. You might have read a recap. Here's a rambling, far too detailed look at the Champions League Final between Manchester United and Chelsea.

First thing you hear in pregame - John Denver's "Country Roads." In English. In Russia. I have no good response.
Clarence Seedorf and his non-answer answers is about as political an athlete you'll ever find - I think he could give A-Rod a run for his money. At least Seedorf tries to laugh his off, though.
European pageantry seems to be much more reliant on choreography than explosives. It's a nice change of pace.
Seedorf made some good analysis - maybe he does have a future in color commentary after all.
Tommy just made an obviously facetious comment about Scotsmen. I hope ESPN doesn't squash that kind of non-PC behavior when they purchase Premier League rights.
Quick commercials include astronauts watching Champions League with a mini-keg of Heineken. If I had known being an astronaut included watching soccer and drinking beer I would have tried harder to suppress my motion sickness.
The two clubs are three time zones from home? Three time zones from home? That's a big deal? Europe really is small.
Champions League has its own anthem. Can we employ NFL Films to do the same for the Superbowl?
Cristiano Ronaldo's hair is extra greasy tonight.
Park-Ki Seong isn't playing or on the bench, despite starting the last 4 CL games for ManU. No explanation why, either.
ManU kickoff! It's 10:45 PM local Moscow time. It's like a West Coast World Series.
Ronaldo's stepovers look entirely effortless. Say what you want about him being a douchebag (and I will), the man is supremely talented.
Wes Brown is the only ManU player originally from Manchester. This point would have been hammered into the ground if this were an American contest.
Ronaldo is playing on the left side for now - usually plays on the right.
Good chance for ManU, but Hargreaves can't put the cross where he wanted it. Chelsea's defense vs. ManU's creative offense will be the key to this game.
Was that blood on Drogba's tongue?
Great passing from ManU - they've definitely taken control.
Ronaldo doesn't look comfortable on the left side. He really mishandled that pass from Hargreaves.
Yep, it's confirmed - Drogba's bleeding from the tongue. Nobody's stopping the game. Now watch him spit blood on someone.
I love the throw-in camera angle. One of the best things of watching soccer on TV. The stadium always looks so majestic.
Great set up from ManU but miscommunication on the cross negated the possession.
Joe Cole trips over his own feet in the penalty box and one of Chelsea's few chances so far goes for naught.
Another Scottish dig from Tommy!
Chelsea's entire squad fall back well below the center line. Looks like they're relying on the counterattack.
Ashley Cole changes shoes but appears to be fit enough to play. Suffered a red-card worthy tackle during practice the day before from teammate Claude Makelele.
Michael Ballack's first important touch sails long.
Ronaldo races down the line and sends a fantastic cross just over the head of Hargreaves.
I think the ref just blew his whistle 17 times but nobody stopped. Play until the 18th whistle, that's what my old coach always told me.
First corner of the game and it goes to...ManU. Nobody is surprised.
Ronaldo and Didier Drogba just had a moment. Awwww.
Scholes with the late challenge but he's the one on the ground bleeding. Makelele got a card for that?! He was first to the ball! Chelsea fans must hate this ref - he was also responsible for allowing a dicey goal against Liverpool in a CL match a few years back.
Wait, Chelsea get the free kick despite getting a card. I have no idea what's going on.
Vidic with a dangerous header in front of his own net. Now Chelsea get their first corner, but no damage done.
Scholes is back. No way he's sitting out after missing the 1999 final.
Tevez is playing a lot further back than I would have imagined.
Anderson just started warming up for ManU. Maybe Scholes isn't OK.
Ronaldo scores! It started with a fantastic give and go between Brown and Scholes. Brown's left footed cross found Ronaldo on the left side of the box and Ronaldo's head found the back of the net.
Michael Ballack tried to get it all back at once for Chelsea but he launched it like Sputnik...and that will be my only cheap Russian joke, I promise.
Drogba's down. I'm sure the magic spray will make him feel better.
He's back on the field - I was right! That spray can probably cure cancer.
ManU's passing is so much prettier. Chelsea are relying on the long ball too much.
What a cross from Lampard to Drogba, who heads it back into the middle of the box to Ballack, but it's just not enough.
Rooney took the ball a quarter of the field from his own goal, crosses it 40 yards to Ronaldo, who threads a fantastic pass to Tevez who almost finds the goal, but Petr Cech knocks it out just to deny the rebound from Carrick. Cech is probably the best keeper in the world right now, but breathtaking play from United at this point. They're just more fun than Chelsea.
128 passes completed by United compared to 60 from Chelsea. That about sums it up so far.
A long series of passes from Chelsea but a poor touch from Malouda in the box wiped out their efforts.
Ashley Cole and Wes Brown race for the ball by the United box and Chelsea scream for a penalty but rightfully none is called.
Rooney's cross scoots through everyone, including a sliding Tevez. Another nailbiting possession from United.
Yellow card for Ferdinand as he takes out Lampard with an elbow an inch outside the box.
Ballack's free kick flies over the goal
Seedorf will be joining the Spanish commentators for the second half. All these multilingual people make me jealous.
Frank Lampard takes advantage of a mental lapse from United defense just as stoppage time begins! 1-1!
Carvalho gets a yellow card after cutting down Ronaldo. There's been more action in the last two minutes than the previous 15.
Halftime. United have clearly been the better side and had more opportunities but their defense has not been sharp.
Sweet! It's the commercial with the first person perspective as an Arsenal player. (h/t: Awful Announcing) What's the song in it? It's frickin' awesome.
ESPN's studio team are all non-Americans. They're not particularly good. One of them clearly does not know English well enough to be on TV.
Drogba and Ferguson are jawing with the ref as they walk back onto the pitch. Never a good side when both teams are unhappy with the refereeing.
Switching from Oak Barrel Stout to Sam Adams White Ale. Because you need to know.
Drogba whistled for a really ticky-tack foul. That's what happens when you bitch.
Ashley Cole with a great clearance. Maybe he's worth all that money.
Joe Cole whistled for a late challenge. He's really disappeared from this game. Chelsea are going to need him to lace a few crosses to get the win.
Ashley Cole's relentless pursuit of Hargreaves earns Chelsea a throw. Yes, he's a cheating bastard (on his wife, not the game), but he's a damn fine player.
Joe Cole is livid after the ref awards United a goal kick. I'm with him - the replay makes it pretty obvious.
Chelsea appear to be employing the short passing United used successfully.
Evra sneaks in behind Chelsea's defense and Ronaldo finds him. Cross from Evra...too far. Golden opportunity.
Essien shook off his defenders and had time to set up a shot, so of course he blasts it over the bar.
Ashley Cole's cross looks for Drogba but Vidic sends it away.
Ballack with tons of space but his shot bends away from the net.
The crowds are finally singing...or I'm finally hearing it. Must be the beer, either way.
Another bloody nose for United, this time for Hargreaves, but yet again from a collision with Makelele. This time it looks like Makelele isn't as innocent.
Another long pass from Rooney, this one finds Tevez, but Ashley Cole disposesses him.
Chelsea with pressure in the box - they've turned it up in the second half, and I think Grant deserves a lot of credit for that.
Passing stats shown for Chelsea - pretty cool. And now a few for United. ESPN will definitely increase that to explain the game to the American audiences.
Vidic with a needless foul on Drogba. Now Chelsea get a free kick off a long ball.
Carrick knocks it away but Chelsea maintain pressure. Corner kick and their chances are quickly increasing. Terry tries to put a head on the corner but no luck.
Ads for Euro 2008 - ESPN is all over it. Pick your favorite country now! I'm going with Czech Republic.
A string of pretty passes for Chelsea - who told them they're allowed to have a flowing style? Chelsea are supposed to play ugly!
Ferdinand is down and the stretcher has come out. Might have pulled something. We're told the field is a little damp.
Nevermind, Ferdinand is back.
Now Makelele is down. Karma.
Tevez looks like he had surgery on his neck. (Turns out it's a burn mark) Ferdinand is still limping around.
Joe Cole indeed puts a cross in the box, but Drogba slips. Yep, the field is becoming an issue.
Ronaldo just blows by Essien yet again. Essien is getting used like
Joe Cole again gets hosed by the ref on a corner kick call. He didn't touch the ball but the ref apparently can't believe a Ronaldo shot from near the touch line sails past the near side post. Corner goes long.
Ronaldo can't get past Joe Cole and Ballack.
I love the "Distance Covered" stats for each player. How do they come up with those?
Malouda in the box against Ferdinand. Ferdinand's boot seems to trip him up but Malouda's feet might have knocked together first. Probably the right call not to award a penalty.
Drogba slips again, but gets the pass off, gets the ball back and launches a shot as he falls that just grazes off the post. He is the strongest player in Europe, no question.
Malouda races down the line as Ferdinand slips, finds Drogba in the box, but Vidic's defense forces Drogba to send it wide. The pitch was sent in from Slovakia two weeks ago and is placed on top of artifical turf. Pretty sketch for a CL final if you ask me.
Tevez with a shot but not on target. Where's Rooney?
The grass is MOVING! Report from the sidelines says the root structure isn't set. That is crap. I still can't believe Russia was allowed to host.
Ballack with a terrible first touch shot. He just hasn't been on his game today.
Chelsea with a free kick to Drogba, whose shot goes wide. The assistant ref says corner but the head ref overrules him. Chelsea fans are making their plans for a hit on him.
Ronaldo got too cute with a backheel pass. Chelsea are building their attack.
Joe Cole finds Drogba again in the box but still no luck. They've had the advantage this half.
Ryan Giggs is on, passing Sir Bobby Charlton in all-time appearances for United. Scholes mercifully comes off - he looks like he's still bleeding.
90 seconds left in regular time. Two 15-minute extra periods if there's no winner after stoppage time. A shootout will finish it if there's still a tie.
Joe Cole looks like he took a judo kick to the face but the ref plays the advantage. He looks like a dog that's been shocked too many times from the ref's calls.
Ronaldo's footwork is beautiful, but his cross is too high for Giggs. I wonder if anyone ever called him Giggles.
That's the end of regulation. For two teams that only finished two points apart after 38 games, this should not be a surprise.
Even fast forwarding through an AIG commercial isn't enough - I can't stand financial services commercials with kids pretending to give a damn about insurance.
The rain is falling pretty steadily now. Oh yeah, and it's 12:40 AM in Russia. It's like Monday Night Football!
Giggs, Rooney and Tevez tried to thread the ball through the Chelsea defense, but Terry denies what would likely be the winning goal.
Salomon Kalou on for Malouda.
Ashley Cole to Ballack to Lampard to the crossbar! Sooooo close.
Ronaldo flies up the right side and crosses to Tevez. Good lord, he is fast.
Joe Cole is down and getting a cramp rubbed out. Fifty bucks says the field is closely watched before next year's final.
Russian soldiers just put on United jerseys over their uniforms! I don't want to be in their barracks after what I'm sure will be a monstrous beatdown for disgracing their country.
Essien wins a corner for Chelsea. So he's just not any good on defense, got it.
Joe Cole ran more than 12k meters (the team average was a mere 10k - lazy bastards), so it's fair to say he's done his job. Anelka comes on for fresh legs.
Evra somehow gets past the Chelsea defenders, passes to Giggs who is awesomely denied by Terry. That's why he's been the England captain.
Rooney comes off after a lackluster performance. Nani takes his place.
Essien just slid 10 feet. I think I've said enough about the pitch.
Tevez with a shot but right at Cech. It's going to take more than that to puncture Chelsea.
Nani with his first touch - the difference between his fresh legs and the players that have been on more than 100 minutes is clear.
Two minutes added to extra time of the first extra period.
Kalou just barely misses the ricochet off Carvalho's header. Chelsea have the advantage in corners...somehow.
If he had beaten the last defender, Kalou would have been alone with the keeper. Such a small difference for such a large impact.
End of the first extra period. The rain is pounding the turf. Just like England!
My recording ended. Now waiting for the replay to catch up. I am never recording a sporting event again without recording the program that comes directly after.
Second period notes are spotty - real life break. Nothing big happened anyway...except DROGBA GOT A RED CARD! He tried to slap Vidic (and barely landed it) - once again, Drogba is a bitch. Have fun diving in Milan next season. Abromavich looks absolutely disgusted and I think he tried to explain what happened to his arm candy. It was either that or telling her she better bring her own 'A' game later on.
Penalty shootout for the fourth time in eight years. As a result of Drogba's red card, United get to exile their weakest penalty shooter to equal the number of players on both teams. Quite a boost if this thing goes long.
Tevez and United up first - buried in the lower right corner. 1-0 United.
Ballack for Chelsea, and it's 1-1.
Carrick goes left and Cech goes right. 2-1 United.
Belletti, who came on just for the shootout, levels it.
Ronaldo kisses the ball before his shot, which in the rain must be a little nasty. Blocked! He got waaaaaayyyyy too cute, pausing and then not putting in a great shot. Still 2-2.
Lampard's shot gets just past the outstretched hands of Van Der Sar. 3-2 Chelsea for their first lead!
Hargreaves with a perfect shot in the top left corner. Back to even, but they need a stop.
Ashley Cole's low shot makes it! 4-3.
Nani must score or United lose. It's in! 4-4.
John Terry, Chelsea's captain, on for what could be the winning shot. The tension is almost too much to take. And it is! Terry slips! The shot is wide!
Anderson goes right up the middle as Cech dives away and United lead once again, 5-4.
Kalou must score for Chelsea as the shootout is now in sudden death. He keeps them alive. 5-5.
Ryan Giggs coolly strikes it home to give United the lead once again. 6-5.
Anelka, a January transfer for Chelsea, now stands over the spot. It's blocked! United are the champions of Europe!
Ronaldo is crying on the pitch, no doubt thanking his lucky stars. A bit of a diva move since the rest of his teammates are celebrating together, but I'll give him a pass.
John Terry is unconsolable, but who could blame him?
It wasn't the most thrilling game but the ending more than made up for it. Shootouts are the best.

Accolades abound

2008-05-21T10:54:00.003-04:00

It's a beer haiku-themed week! First the posting on Beer Haiku Daily and now I've found out I'm getting a prize for a haiku I sent to Beer Culture, a beer blog on the Prague Daily Monitor. My winning entry:

No longer a slave
To tasteless suds in a can
I get what I crave

I know haikus are generally said to be unrhyming poems, but they were giving extra credit to those that rhymed, so my competitive nature overcame any artistic integrity. Stay tuned for a picture of the prize!

Behold the glory

2008-05-16T15:17:00.003-04:00

My haiku skills have been recognized in other parts of the blogohedron. You can see my latest 17-syllable masterpiece* at Beer Haiku Daily. To those of you who clicked on the link for my blog from there, well, looks like you're caught in a neverending loop. Sorry.

*Not actually a masterpiece. More like a fingerpainting from a bonobo.

The Disappearing Bill

2008-05-13T12:42:00.002-04:00

Anyone else notice that Bill Simmons is no longer on the front page of ESPN? He's still on Page 2, though. Strange.

Too bad he didn't call it the DePo Depot

2008-05-12T11:54:00.002-04:00

Paul DePodesta has a blog! Paul DePodesta has a BLOG!

For those who do not understand my fanboy geekery, Paul DePodesta is the assistant general manager for the San Diego Padres. He is formerly the general manager for the Los Angeles Dodgers and assistant manager of the Oakland A's, where I first learned about him in Moneyball. He is the embodiment of the statistical revolution in baseball and I cannot wait to read his thoughts on a variety of topics. He's brilliant but got no support during his far too brief tenure in LA, so I hope this blog can show his abilities and ultimately propel him to another GM gig.

(h/t Dan Shanoff)

I would pay for this myself if I had the money

2008-05-06T13:59:00.006-04:00

But until then, best of luck Mr. Alpert.

Just another urban hipster bragging point

2008-05-06T09:50:00.008-04:00

I love not having a car anymore. I don't have to worry about unexpected repairs or rising gas prices. I feel good that I don't contribute to polluting the air. I get more exercise by walking to and from the metro. There are hardly any downsides to not owning a car.

But then, my address has a Walk Score of 85.

Walk Score is a new mash-up that shows all the available amenities within a (surprise!) walkable distance. It's my new favorite toy. Try it out and leave your Walk Score in the comments.

Update: The house I grew up in got an 8. And no, it's not because it's in Alabama, but because it's in the back of a hugeass neighborhood.

Is it eCleaning? iCleaning?

2008-05-02T14:09:00.002-04:00

Change
Doing some spring cleaning 'round these parts - put up some new links, took down some old ones - so take a look around. Will there be more to come? Come back soon and find out!

/shameless plug

Thanks to allposters.com for the visual aid.

Please send The Mailman away

2008-05-01T11:14:00.003-04:00

Karl Malone sucks at life.

First he told his illegitimate son, Demetrius Bell, that it was too late to be his father - at the venerable age of 18 - and now Fanhouse (via The Buffalo News) is reporting that Malone impregnated Bell's mother when she was 12 or 13 and he was a sophomore at Louisiana Tech.

What's the statute of limitations for statutory rape? I'd look it up myself but I'm afraid my censor overlords at work would see the search on my web usage and throw me out immediately (No, really: a search for "NBA Lottery" was blocked because the system thought I was looking up gambling sites). I would have to think it's an open and shut case: Malone has basically admitted to being Demetrius' father, and simple math will tell you how old Demitrius' mother was when she gave birth to him.

Thankfully the Bells' story appears to have a happy ending. But I don't think most stories like this do, and I hope Malone has to pay for his horrible actions.

Update: Malone cannot be tried on charges of statutory rape; the statute of limitations has expired. (Ed. note: Damn!)

The curse of Alejandro Pena

2008-05-01T10:20:00.002-04:00

I saw the Braves play the Nationals twice this week. Twice I went to Nationals Park, a fantastic new stadium. Twice I saw Chipper Jones, Yunel Escobar and Brian McCann, three of my favorite players. Twice I saw great starting pitching from the Braves.

Twice I saw the bullpen collapse.

Their relief pitching, which was supposed to be a strength at the beginning of the season, has become its biggest liability. I have zero confidence in any reliever currently on the team. Rafael Soriano, originally slated as the closer, is on the DL. Mike Gonzalez, whom the Braves received in a trade before the start of the 2007 season and was designated the setup man, hasn't pitched at all. But now I can say with immense pride the greatest closer in Braves history is back: John Smoltz is going to the 'pen.

I know a pitcher has greater overall value as a starter, but I can't bear to watch another one-run loss. They're 0-9 in one-run games. 0-9! No other team in MLB has lost all its one-run games. These games are supposed to be coin flips; our luck can't be that bad.

Hurry back, Smoltzie. I don't think I can take much more heartbreak.

17 syllables of domination

2008-04-24T13:45:00.003-04:00

Lunch Bucket Bento is hosting a haiku contest this week. Longtime readers of this blog (or anyone who's scrolled through old posts) will remember I used to end every post with a haiku before ultimately deciding to give that up. The haiku skills are still sharp, though, and hopefully I've crafted a winner:

Color and flavor
These mid-day feasts for our eyes
What inspiration

What do you think?

A lone voice of reason

2008-04-19T14:45:00.001-04:00

Mike Greenberg, not a douche.

Connie Mack makes me feel better

2008-04-14T14:46:00.000-04:00

Forbes makes some great sports lists, especially their yearly appraisal of the value of sports franchises. The staff applies its business acumen to an industry in which the numbers are often hidden from fans.

This is not one of those lists.

Forbes has created a "Sports Misery" list that attempts to formulaically determine which American city has suffered the most heartbreak from the local teams. Below is a quick look at their Most Miserable:

1. Atlanta
2. Seattle
3. Buffalo
4. Phoenix
5. San Diego
6. Houston
7. Denver
8. Cleveland
9. Philadelphia
10. Minneapolis

Before I tear this list apart, a quick note on the methodology. Every victory and loss is given equal weight unless a team has won a championship in the last 5 years, which apparently makes everything better*. When I say every victory and loss, I mean that literally: even the Philadelphia Athletics' 1913 World Series victory is counted. This is one of the most egregious examples of formulas for formulas' sake I've ever seen.

If they wanted to use another formula, maybe they could have added one for how seriously the town takes its sports. Have you ever met a San Diego sports fan who just gets sick when the Padres miss the playoffs? According to these rankings, you'd see more of them than irate Eagles fans. Until I see people chucking dog biscuits at Jake Peavy there's no contest.

I could keep pointing out why this list makes no sense but I'll let you do that in the comments. You'll come up with something funnier anyway.

Oh, and Forbes, if you want to improve on lists like these in the future, I have an MBA and a Journalism degree. Just sayin'.

*If the Giants hadn't beaten the Patriots, New York would have qualified for this list. How funny is that?

That got out of hand

2008-03-23T11:35:00.000-04:00

I've always enjoyed comparing Alex Rodriguez's contract to things that make it sound as ridiculous as possible: his initial 10-year, $252 million deal paid him more than the entire GDP of Micronesia or the combined GDP of Palau and Kiribati. The idea of a single baseball player having more economic worth than an entire nation (or two) seems beyond comprehension. Now it appears A-Rod is also singularly more important than major financial institutions. Will Carroll of Baseball Prospectus has pointed out that A-Rod's salary for the next ten seasons will cost more than Bear Stearns.

In business school we were consistently reminded that markets are rational. That's obviously not true, but how can an individual baseball player be considered more valuable than a company that employs more than 15,500 people around the world? Does he really sell that many jerseys? If his signing is about more than making money, how much of his salary is going toward the intangible good of "winning a championship?" Questions like these make me wish baseball teams released their financial information untangled from other business ventures (TV, stadium operations, etc.).

If Congress really wanted to impose its will on MLB, it should force the release of this information as verified by an independent third party. This information would also be of great use when owners complain about not having enough money for a new stadium and threatening to leave if one isn't built. It's only fair to taxpayers that they're allowed to make an informed decision when deciding whether to vote for a tax increase for a new stadium. Even if the vote is restricted to legislators, the voting public has a right to know what value elected officials placed on a new ballpark. And if MLB says no? Congress should take away its antitrust exemption.

Uhhh, this post went from lighthearted to serious really quickly. Look, a kitten in a bag!

Much better.

More proof Europe is richer than America

2008-02-22T15:46:00.001-05:00

You want Karim Benzema? You'll have to give up the entire nation of Kiribati...and then some. The 20-year old Lyon striker is the newest target for Manchester United, but he's not coming cheap. Lyon have set the bar at 45 million pounds, or about $90 million. This money isn't going to the player; it's just going to the team, with Benzema to get a fat contract on top of that. The best part? Even the manager that wants him doesn't think he's world-class...yet. Sir Alex Ferguson believes "Karim, like Steven [Gerrard,Liverpool's captain], will be among the world's top 50 players one day" (emphasis added).

I can't understand why they would pay just 1 million pounds less than the all-time transfer record (Zinedine Zidane, Juventus to Real Madrid) for someone who won't destroy everyone immediately. When Zidane went from Juventus to Real Madrid for 46 million pounds he was recognized as one of the top 3 players in the world. Benzema can't justify that high of a transfer price, so either Lyon is just trying to scare everyone off or Man U will be making repeat trips to Saudi Arabia to pay off the fee.

Yes, I'm still getting paid

2008-02-13T18:36:00.003-05:00

I have to wait a month for my security clearance before I can go back to work. This means I have lots of time on my hands. Sure, I'll do some work stuff every now and then, but nothing that will be vital. So what should I do in the interim? Any new project/hobby you think I might enjoy? Let me know in the comments*.

*First one to say "Post more often to the blog" gets e-punched.