Ask a Frenchman!

What Happened at the Hair Salon?

2009-07-09T23:16:00.003+02:00

(asked by Roz from Chamonix)

Hoozah! Here's hoping that your witty and incisive blog can help me (though perhaps 'ask a Frenchwoman' might have covered it better). I live in Chamonix and had my hair cut and coloured in the main hair-dressing salon today. Whilst there I saw my neighbour having a similar treatment - she and I are on first name terms, faisons la bise, and our young sons are in the same class at school and group in the Ski Club. So naturally, when I finally sat down next to her to have my hair dried, I said a cheery 'hello' and kicked off what was meant to be a brief but pleasant exchange about how her son is doing. To my surprise she was very aloof and most definitely did not encourage the conversation, leaving me wondering whether there is some unspoken etiquette that, well . . . things are left 'unspoken' at the hairdresser's? She looks like Nathalie-Imbruglia's-prettier-sister so surely she can't have been embarrassed at me seeing her looking like Nathalie-Imbruglia's-prettier-sister-having-her-hair-done?! I only ask so that I may get even more paranoid about why she cut me if, in fact, there is no such salon etiquette in France . . .

Veuillez croire, Monsieur, à l'assurance de mes sentiments distingués. ;-)

Hi Roz,
You're lucky. Usually I don't publish question with no cultural relevance, but this one really perplexes me, so if some readers can help, they're more than welcome to do so.
Well, let's start with what culturally relevant.
No, in France, there's no hairdresser etiquette that makes you unfriendly to people you're in friendly terms with out of the hair salon.
Outside of that, I have no idea was she was behaving like this with you. Actually the hair salon is a big chit chat place usually.
I doubt that it has something to do with the fact she looked like Nathalie-Imbruglia's-prettier-sister-having-her-hair-done.
It could be a social class thing. Is she from the bourgeoisie? Some bourgeois people don't like to meet their acquaintances in environment and places that are not made for that.
Or it just could be that she was having a bad hair day (no pun intended) and/or for some reason she was unhappy with the fact that you share the same hairdresser.
Apart from that, I'm stuck...
Anyone? (or yourself, if you have anything to add, as this question is a few months old, there may have been some developments since).

Can you explain how the French higher education system works?

2009-07-07T01:08:00.000+02:00

(asked by Harmony from the UK)

Could you possibly explain to a confused foreigner how the French education system works, if you continue in education after you take the baccalauréat? I've looked up various websites, including the Wikipedia entry for 'classes préparatoires' and have French friends I've asked, but I find it hard to separate out hard fact from a kind of snobbery (based around the fact that one friend tried repeatedly to get into ENA and has not quite got over failing, and another went to Sciences Po and can't seem to forget that either...) I grasp there are layers of meaning and elitism here that I'm not getting as a Brit from outside the system.

Can it really be the case that French universities will accept almost any applicant, and all the good people go on to the tiny number of places in the Grandes Ecoles, so the universities get the 'failures'? And that every big shot in France went to a GE? Does it really set you up for life? And what's with all that 'khagnes'-type slang?

It's not that I don't get elitism - we have Oxbridge in the UK, after all - but for some reason I find it odder in France...

And I thought I had tackled all the sensitive topics. Wanna start a heated debate among French people? Forget politics or religion, try higher education issues instead.

First -and I see that by your question- there seems to be some sort of obsession with Grandes Ecoles from the part of certain foreigners when they talk about the French education system. I guess it’s because they want to find an equivalent to Oxbridge, the Ivy League and other similar “elite” schools.
Thing is Grandes Ecoles are quite a minor thing in France which reputation is quite overrated. A little bit like the Sorbonne.

And I just checked the Wikipedia entry in English about French higher education, and it’s not that great and precise at all (the French one is though is you can read French)

But let’s start with the beginning; that is the baccalauréat (aka the “bac”).
And I gotta warn you I’m gonna draw a lot from my memories from back when I was in high school and then an undergraduate student. Certain things may have change a bit since then.

So, you’re a French high school student, and you just passed your bac and are graduating from high school (actually, this topic is quite timely as this year, the results will be announced this Tuesday July 7th!).
What’s next for you?
Well, you have a wide range of choices. I’m going to try to forget as few as possible.
Let’s start with the Grandes Ecoles as we’ve already mentioned them.
Grandes Ecoles are quite hard to define as there’s no official status that tells that a school is a Grande Ecole, except for the fact that it has to be highly selective and to provide a very good education.
And yes, it’s usually really hard to get into a Grande Ecole, to the point that very few students go there straight from high school. One usually needs to go through a “Classe Préparatoire” (Preparing Class) before that, which is one or two years of classes that prepares you to get into a specific Grande Ecole. You usually don’t get there by applying to the school, but by taking an exam that will decide whether you’re accepted or not, the Classe Préparatoire preparing you to that exam.

The number one misconception coming from abroad about these schools is that if it’s so hard to get in, only the best French students go there.
It’s not exactly true for several reasons:
-Like everything else in French higher education, your major will influence where you’ll go study. Keep in mind that after high school in France, every class you’re going to take will be in your major, gone are the general education classes, and every school provides certain numbers of majors and certain classes. If you want to be something or study something that has no Grande Ecole related to it, you won’t apply to a Grande Ecole, why would you do it, even if you’re the best student that France has ever seen.
-Most Grandes Ecoles are not free (at least the Classes Préparatoires are not) and as France is a country where most of the education is free (or close to it) at every level, the population is not used to spend a lot of money for school, and it’s not only the population, it’s pretty much the whole country (i.e. student loans are not that common in banks, etc.) so a bright student coming from a poor background has very little chances to ever go to a Grande Ecole.
-There’s also a geography factor going on (even if it’s minor): because the way the system is set French students are not used to go study very far from home, so if a Grande Ecole is located pretty far from one’s hometown, chances are that he/she won’t apply to it. And as most Grandes Ecoles are in or around Paris, the non-Parisian population is less likely to go to a Grande Ecole than Parisian students.

Which brings us to the second part of our section about the Grandes Ecoles, that is their prestige. Very often, people out of a Grande Ecole will be… full of themselves for lack of another expression (well, there are other expressions, but I like this one). They just spent the past few years hearing that they were the best and the elite of the nation, and we can’t totally blame them if they believe it.
What about the rest of the French people? Do they revere and envy people from the Grandes Ecoles?
No, not exactly. Most of them don’t really care at all. I have the feeling that the only people that are not from a Grande Ecole and that care are those who wanted to go and didn’t, a certain (conservative and Parisian?) population that base their view of the world on the concepts of social class, elite, material wealth as the only criteria for success and so on, and people in certain fields were having a degree from a Grande Ecole is important. Because, once again, you must remember that any given school will provide one type of education leading to one (or a few) diplomas.
And this is in that aspect that Grandes Ecoles are really different from let’s say Harvard or Oxford.
When you graduate from Oxbridge or an Ivy League school, you have a degree in pretty much any major one can think of, so yeah, wherever you go, it’s prestigious. But if you graduate from let’s say HEC, you’ll have a degree in business, as HEC is a Grande Ecole that provided education in business and business only. So sure, your degree will be very prestigious in the business world, but will be worth squat in pretty much any other field.

Finally, when dealing with Grandes Ecoles, one must not forget that very often, the hardest is to get in. Once there, one can almost slack one’s way to graduating.
This last statement may be a little exaggerated, but it’s true that prestigious schools want to stay prestigious, and a sure way to do that is to have a high percentage of graduating people as it would look bad to have drop-outs in those schools.

Which brings us to the second type of higher education one can have in France, and that is the university.
And while it’s true that there’s no selection process to go to a university, it’s not true that only the worst students go there (when they were accepted nowhere else for example). For one can get certain degrees in universities only, especially doctorate degrees. Whether it’s a PhD, a MD or any other doctorate degree, if you want one, you’ll have to go to a university, Grandes Ecoles can be as prestigious and as elite as they want, they don’t deliver Doctorate degrees. And I don’t know what you think, but for me, the most prestigious and elite degree one can get stays the doctorate.

This is how universities work in France:
-You don’t apply to them and go through a selection process.
-You just graduate from high school, and are allowed to go to the university that matches your major and that’s in your “académie” (administrative subdivisions for education that are geographical), even though it’s possible to go to an university not in your “académie” under certain circumstances (I forgot which ones).
-Universities are “major oriented”; to my knowledge, there’s no university in France that offers every major. For example, in Toulouse (second city in France in number of students after Paris), there are three universities: one for humanities, one for “hard” sciences and one for “social” sciences (economy, law, etc.).
-While there’s no selection to get into a university, it’s false that there’s no selection at all, as the drop-out rare is huge (more than 50% I think) as grading is based on a drastic pass/fail system (where passing is quite hard… I want to say you need more or less the equivalent of an American B+ to pass a class) and you get kicked out of the university after failing a certain number of classes (and believe me, the number of students that never failed a class is pretty low).
-They’re relatively cheap.
-They offer a variety of degrees, all based on the Bachelor’s (Licence), Master’s (Maîtrise), Doctorate (Doctorat) pattern.
-Universities are (in theory at least) all equal to each other, there’s no university that better than another one (in theory at least), and that includes the Sorbonne. That school is very important because it’s the oldest university in France (and maybe in the world I think), but while it’s far from being a bad school, it’s definitely not the best either, contrarily to what many foreigners think.

And if you don’t mind I’ll talk more into details of “life” in a French university another day (all the more technical and specific aspects).

But universities and Grandes Ecoles are not the only higher education institutions we have in France. We also have the BTS and the DUT. These two degrees are more or less similar except in the fact that the BTS is more professionally oriented, while the DUT is more academically oriented.
You see, one major problem of French higher education is that it tends to be cut from the “real world” and the job market.
BTS and DUTs were created in the goal to link education and then “real world” more closely.
These two types of degrees are delivered after two years of study in a very specific field of studies in which the student will become really proficient and “ready-to-work” as soon as he’s out of school. That is being attained in linking school and work as much as possible, thought specific classes, and internships that are intertwined with school.
They are quite selective (you need to apply and get accepted beforehand, non that differently from an American university), but as they’re only two years programs, they’re very often underrated.

There are also a bunch of other schools that are usually some sort of graduate schools where one goes to specialize in a certain field after a Bachelor’s or a Master’s.

Let’s talk about demographics now.

From Wikipedia:
-Number of students in 2006: 2,254,386

-In Universities: 1,285,408 (57%)
-In BTS/DUT: 342,098 (15%)
-In Grandes Ecoles: 76,160 (3%)
-Others: 550,720 (24%)
In “Others” I assume one finds schools such as “Political Science schools”, IUFM (where one learns to become a teacher after graduating from the university) and other similar schools that can be considered as some sort of graduate schools out of universities.

I’m sure that I have forgotten a few more obscure or rare types of schools and degrees, but I at least started to answer your question.

When will you start updating this blog again?

2009-07-06T23:17:00.002+02:00

(asked by a few impatient readers)

And the answer is: right now!!!
Yes, the almost two month-long hiatus is finally over, I'm starting answering questions again, but as you can imagine my backlog is pretty big (the question I'll answer next was asked to me in March!), so if you've asked a question (other than "I like this French guys, what does he think about me?") please be patient, it's on the way.

In the meantime, you'll notice that I've gone all 2.0 and stuff (I even gave in to Twitter), so now you can follow this blog on Twitter, Facebook and Networkedblogs... Just check the widgets on the right hand column.

Be right back with a question and an answer

Are you Dead?

2009-06-15T19:27:00.002+02:00

(asked by some regular readers)

No, don't worry, I'm doing well, I've just been busy with other things for the past month or so, and may be for a little more. So, this blog is taking some vacation.

As usual, if you've asked a question a few weeks ago, be patient, and keep on sending more if you feel like, I'll be back shortly.

What is the Gallic shrug ?

2009-05-14T10:04:00.004+02:00

(asked by db, the same as the previous question)

What is the Gallic shrug ?

Other than that, best blog yet, and quite true too.

First of all, thanks for the kind word.

Now, the Gallic shrug.
First of all, I must underline that the Gallic Shrug "exists" only in the English speaking world, or should I say in the eyes of the English speaking world.
I have never heard of the Gallic shrug in the mouth of people from other countries.
Most likely because:
- Most other countries have their own equivalent to the Gallic shrug.
- I guess it surprises (or used to surprise) the Anglos to encounter this in France (you know how they are with France, always fantasizing and imagining France as heaven on Earth and other foolish things like that) while they expect it and are not surprised by it in other countries that are "less civilized" in their unconscious mind.

Then, what does it consist in?
Well, you'll find sites, books, people that'll tell you it's a shrug, with sometimes a pout or whatever else.
Actually, the Gallic shrug is more a state of mind than an actual gesture.
For example, I almost never shrug when I do a Gallic shrug.

And what does it mean?
Well, it basically means "I didn't mess it up, you did (or somebody else), not me, so why should it be my problem?"
It's more or less the French equivalent to "Deal with it" and/or "Shit happens."

And I assume it's an issue for the Anglos, and especially the Americans because they're under the strange assumption that they never have to fix their own problems or clean after themselves.
The most obvious thing being the customer service thing.
While I agree that customer service is good in the US and sometimes sucks in France (but not as much as Anglos think, they just don't know the unwritten rules), the general understanding that the one who pays that has all the rights, and the one that is being paid who has to be a slave to the former one just doesn't apply in France.
Money doesn't regulate the relationship between customers and sellers. It's just one of the two items that are being exchanged.

Hence, people encountering the "Gallic shrug" if they ask the wrong person to solve the wrong problem. Because not anybody will help you in a store when you have a problem, only the person whose job is to solve this problem, if such a person exists.

Now, I'll conclude by saying that this state of mind that I find very healthy and honest has one major downside: the administration!
Because everything administrative is so complex, nonsensical and quite Kafkaesque in France, nothing is nobody's problem, and yes it is a big pain in the ass to deal with the administration when there's a problem in this country, because it's never the clerk problem (of course it's not) so they'll be rarely helpful on the matter, and believe me it makes the French mad too...

What's your opinion on France's role in Algeria in the 50's and the war.

2009-05-10T21:00:00.001+02:00

(asked by db from??? Maybe it’s the same David B than previously)

I would like to know your opinion on France's role in Algeria during the 1950s (actually during Algeria's war for independence), as well as their previous occupation of the country since about 1860 and Napoleon III.

(…) I feel like there's enough America bashing for the moment, I'd like to see some France bashing too (although you did say that history books and teaching programs are biased the world over, which is quite true).

Hope you'll satisfy my request.

(without bashing me, as can happen so often in such online discussions and debates)

Don’t worry about being bashed, I don’t know why I would do it as your question is very interesting (and is a welcome and healthy change from the “I’m dating a Frenchman” type of questions). And I do American bashing only when necessary, on that topic, the US doesn’t come into play, so I don’t need to bash them (and if I bash America a lot, it’s because “qui aime bien, châtie bien” as we say in France).

That being said, your question is hard to answer as you’re asking my opinion on the thing, and I’m no historian (and if you want simple facts, I guess Wikipedia and other sites can do the work better than me).

So what do I think about the colonization of Algeria and, well, the rest of colonization in general?
I think colonization was unacceptable. I guess I can’t develop the issue more. Maybe I can say that I understand it in the context of the 19th Century, but that doesn’t make it OK nonetheless (wow, I hadn’t use “nonetheless” in years).

And as far as the Algerian war in concerned, same thing. It’s one of the stupidest things France has ever got involved in.
Once again, I understand the logic behind it. France’s influence and power in the world had been seriously damaged in the wake of WW2, and some people couldn’t accept the fact that a territory that they considered as part of France wanting to be independent.
For those who don’t know it, contrarily to most of the colonies that were just that, colonies, Algeria had been fully integrated as a part of France, and this is why there was a war there and not for the other colonies (the rest of Africa became independent quite peacefully), Indochina being another issue, and more some sort of epilogue of WW2 as well as a prologue of the Cold War.

For you Americans (no bashing, I promise), it’s a bit like Hawaii was asking to be independent. I don’t think many Americans would be OK with this.
OK, I admit, the comparison is not exactly the same as native Hawaiians have the same rights as other Americans living in Hawaii if I’m not wrong.
What about if the Navajos proclaimed the independence of Arizona? Maybe it’s more similar to what happened in Algeria.

But in the end of the day, this war was unacceptable as well as pretty much everything that was going on in Algeria at the time:
-Despite the fact that Algeria was considered as France, not everybody was equal there: native Algerians didn’t have the same rights as European French.
-European French were literally plundering all the riches of the country, and only them would benefit from them.
-Once again, oil was a major issue there, as if Algeria had been incorporated in French territory (and not the rest of the African colonies), it’s not only because a lot of European French had moved there (more than a million people at the time of the war, most of them being second or even third generation), it’s also because Algeria was the only source of oil France had without having to import.

I don’t know if that answers your question. There’s obviously much more to add to the topic if we go into details, in which I could go if necessary.

What do the French think of the Québécois? (that's French Canadians for US Americans)

2009-05-05T22:57:00.004+02:00

(asked by David B. from Québec)

I would like to know, what do the French really think of the Franco-Québécois, or even of the non-francophones from Quebec and Canada. Just to see as to how it differs from their overall and/or personal appreciation of that great American figure that is the college kid, the tourist, the expat, and their otherwise non as caricatural compatriots...

Well, first you need to know that the French are fully aware that Franco-Québécois are very different from anybody else in North America. That may not be the case with other Canadians, as French people can't really make a distinction between Americans and Anglo-Canadians, and as far as non-francophones from Québec, it's quite simple: they don't exist for French people.
For the French, Canada is composed by two populations:
-The English speakers that are all over Canada except Québec and that are either no different from Americans, or simply irrelevant.
-The French speakers that are in Québec and only in Québec.
-All the other ones (francophones outside of Québec, non-francophones in Québec, natives, etc.) simply don't exist.

And so, what do the French think about Franco-Québécois?
A few things...
Let's see...

-They think they speak funny, but delusional anti-Anglo French (the Anti-American ones, and the ones that are convinced that English is going to destroy the French language) love French Canadians for the resistance they symbolize against the Anglo enemy.
But be aware that those Talibans of the French language love the Québécois in Québec, but when really confronted to them they can be very condescending, after all, Québécois don't speak the "real" French according to them, just a bastardized French that just good enough as a wall against English.

-The second main issue with the Québécois and the French is : the Franco-Québécois singer issue. As our English-speaking readership may not be aware of, France is literally invaded by Franco-Québécois singers... Actually France has really few French singers, most of them really come from Belgium and Canada.
Why is that? Well, I think it makes sense when you're a Franco-Québécois singer that if you have a potential market of 60 million people on the other side of the ocean why get stuck with your home market of 7 millions? Also, they're somewhat exotic in France, which is always a good marketing tool.
And one thing everyone must be aware of, is that the French population is divided in two irreconcilable sides when it comes to Franco-Québécois singers in France.
On one side, you have people with no musical taste and/or standards whatsoever and they love them, they really are their favorite singers.
On the other side, you have people with musical taste/culture/standards, and they can't stand Franco-Québécois singers, and they hate the Québecois for sending them to us. (you must be aware that Céline Dion has been huge since the early 80's in France... yes... I know... I thank the Lord every day since the day she decided to move to the US and have a career there, except for the time when I lived in the US).
And actually I have a question for any Franco-Québécois that would read those lines: Why do your singers suck so much? Is that all because of the trend that Starmania started? Or were they terrible before that? Or do you have good ones, but you keep them to yourselves and prevent them from crossing the ocean?

Finally, I can't talk about Franco-Québécois and the French without talking about Marcel Béliveau. Know that the French love Marcel Béliveau, that he may be the funniest thing that ever came from the Americas for them, and it doesn't matter that he hasn't been seen for more than 10 years, all the French still love him and miss him dearly. If you're a Franco-Québécois and need a conversation starter with a French person, just mention Marcel Béliveau.

What about tipping?

2009-04-24T00:44:00.002+02:00

(asked by Minette from New York)

I'm unsure about "tipping" at any eatery -- café, bistro, restau?

I understand that the "tip" is included in the total bill which is completely different from what I am used to in USA, especially New York. I also understand that it is OK and maybe even suggested to leave a small tip anyway if the service is good. I find it hard not to leave a tip so I always do. But I do leave a lesser amount than I would in the US since there is a tip is included. I am wondering what the wait staffs generally think about the tip left... is it insulting or not? Do the French often leave tips? Some waiters do say thank you while others say nothing. I don't care if they acknowledge it or not as that's not the point of leaving it. I'm just unsure if leaving a tip is OK or not. And I leave one even after just a quick café.

Well, the rule about tipping in France is that there are no rules. You never have to tip, even if in some cases, it's badly considered to not tip. I'm referring to guides here, not eateries.
First, the reason why you never have to tip is because, as opposed to other countries where tipping is common or even necessary (or even compulsory), waiters have real salaries, just like any other workers in France. You also may have notice that while waiter is a student job in the US (or a struggling actor job in NYC and LA), it's a "real" job in France.

What do the staff think about being tipped? They love it, of course, that's extra "free" money (I doubt they declare it in their taxes form...). Is it insulting? Never. Unless you leave just a few cents, it'll feel more like you're emptying your pocket than you're leaving a tip though (it will be insulting to anybody else though).

Do French people often leave tip?
It's hard to tell, I think it really depends on regions, social classes and such things. I personally don't have any rules when it comes to tipping. Whether I do it or not will depend mostly about three things:
-The price of the drink. If I think it's overpriced, I'm less likely to leave a tip.
-The waiter's behavior. The nicer they'll be, the more chances to get a tip they'll have.
I almost always tip nice waiters, I never tip mean waiters.
And I make bad publicity of the places where waiters try to rip me off, namely La Gentilhommière (Place St André des Arts, near St-Michel) and Le Rallye Dante (at the corner of rue Dante and rue Galande, in the 5th, near Notre-Dame). Avoid these two places at all cost, not only the waiters are not nice, but they'll try to rip you off (in both cases, I was there with foreigners, and they assumed we were tourists, and there you go...) So I promised myself to give them bad publicity every time I could...
Back to tipping...
-The third factor is change. Do I get change back when I pay? If yes, how much?

But the main factor will always be the waiter's behavior.
Also, I'm most likely to tip in a place where I've been before and where I plan on coming back in the not too distant future. And of course if I'm a regular of the places, I will most likely tip.

Finally, I tend to never leave a tip if I order just a coffee, as the tip will be almost as much as the price of the coffee, although coffee got so expensive in recent years...

I hope that helps.

Can French People Take Responsibility?

2009-04-23T01:43:00.000+02:00

(asked by Annika in Alsace)

I have been dating a French boy for several years and whilst we have ironed out many cultural misunderstandings over the years, one baffling one remains - he rarely accepts responsibility when things are quite clearly his fault i.e. spilling a glass of water (it's my fault for balancing it so precariously on the table or for fetching the water in the first place) and if I mention a problem which is in no way related to him one of his first reactions is ''Ben, c'est pas ma faute!'' I know full well it's not his fault but why does he feel the need to assert this?!

As an aside I've witnessed this behavior regularly in France so I'm fairly sure it's not unique to my boyfriend. Could you shed any light on this compulsive need to blame and avoid responsibility for the most minor of things?

No this behavior is far from being unique to your boyfriend (although his case seems quite extreme). I think every French person is afflicted by it to a certain degree; yes, I admit, I have been guilty of it in the past, and will certainly be again in the future.
Why is that?
Hard to tell, but I think it comes from the way French people see honor.
Honor has many different definitions according to different cultures, and every culture has a different way of dealing with it.
For example, in Japan, saying that you’re sorry can excuse pretty much anything and people say it almost constantly.
In China it’s all about “saving face” (as long as the appearances are saved, everything is safe).
In the Anglo word, people seem to mostly care about consequences or payback, causes are rarely a focus.
In France, if you’re proven to be the cause of a failure, a problem, a mistake, that’s it. You’ve become worthless in the eyes of every citizen in the country. Your life as a respectable member of society is over.

Because of this, expressions such as “c’est pas ma faute” or “je ne l’ai pas fait exprès” (I didn’t do it on purpose) are among the very first expressions a French kid will learn, because since their youngest age they realize that they’ll get into trouble if their responsibility has been involved, and get out of any situation if the blame can be put on anything or anyone else.

And this trait of character will stay with the French person all their life.
It can express itself in many ways:
-in a heated debate, everyone will be sure to be right and the other ones to be wrong. And once somebody has been proven wrong, he or she will still find a way to not admit that they’re wrong.
-every government will blame its shortcomings on the previous government failures (ok, I’ve seen non-French governments do that too).
-the current behavior of CEOs of big companies facing the current crisis (they don’t take responsibility; they just take their golden parachutes instead).
-the list could go on.

OK, I admit, I just started to scratch the surface with that topic, but you’ll have to bear with me. I’ve been pretty busy lately and I didn’t want this blog to become dormant (see, I’m avoiding responsibility for the incomplete answer to the question).

As usual, feel free to add anything pertinent to the topic in the comments.

What's with the scarves?

2009-04-12T23:38:00.003+02:00

(asked by Red from Chicago but currently in Paris)

What's with the scarves? Despite that it's winter now, women and most men feel naked without this accessory, why? It's funny, cos I wear them more than usual now, and going back to the States, people will comment or poke fun about how "euro-chic" I look in my little scarf... I understand that fashion is a step up from sweatpants and Ugg boots, but that can be achieved (quite often) sans scarf. I've lived in few locations throughout the US (IL, CA, FL) and never (unless it's bitter cold in IL) would you catch a man donning a scarf for fashion... or a man-purse (but that's another question for another day).

What's wrong with scarves? I'm not sure I really understand your question, are you asking why do French people wear scarves in Winter?

Well, the simple answer is to keep warm in the neck area and to not catch pneunomia or similar unpleasant sickness caused by cold and humidity.

So, sure in Paris it's also more than a practical piece of clothing and it is also a fashion accessory. And it makes sense as it's cold about 10 months a year in Paris, so one tends to wear scarves more than in other places in France or the world that have a decent climate.

Now, I'm not sure what you mean about scarves and the US, but during my time in the US, I lived a couple of years in a quite cold region, and believe me, everybody wore scarves in the Winter.

Is he married?

2009-04-08T00:04:00.000+02:00

(asked by anonymous (I wonder why) from Dublin)

I met a Frenchman when he was here for one week in Dublin, Ireland learning English. We went on date to dinner and kissed afterwards. I slept with him that night and he went home. We texted regularly and he came back to see me for 2 weeks a month later. He is divorced with two children, ex-French navy. We still text and email each other and he has asked me to meet in Marseilles and different cities abroad where his work takes him, but never to visit his home. My question is, given the attitude French people have towards extra-marital affairs, is this the behavior of a married Frenchman or do they need to get to know a girl better before they "take her home" so to speak...

So my brief answer is “yes, he’s so totally married and doesn’t even have the guts and honesty to tell you (now, if you expect honesty from a cheating man, maybe you knocked at the wrong door).”
The other option is that he’s into you just for the sex and nothing else.

I guess this is all there’s to tell about this story.

Now, if I bothered to respond to this question despite the fact that it is anonymous and is totally personal, it is that because one part of it made me go “oh, oh, stupid stereotype here, it’s your job to clear this up Frenchman!” (I don’t think I ever called myself “Frenchman” in this blog before, but the comment of the other idiot the other day was so funny, I feel like I have to now… now that I think about it, I think this comment was not here, but on another blog I was commenting… oh well, it’s not like we care, is it?)
So, the part in question is: “given the attitude French people have towards extra-marital affairs”
I wonder what she alludes to here… Yeah, right, unfortunately I totally know what she alludes to… It’s that it’s common and normal to cheat on your wife when you’re French…
This is stereotype is not the most talked about, but may be one of the most common one about Frenchmen… Even my boss (who’s American and who’s lived in France more than 20 years and who know more than some French people about France) has been guilty of mentioning it a couple of times…

So, where does the truth lie?

In many places…

First, a little bit of history.
Back in the days, when you were part of the aristocracy, you rarely (we can even safely say: never) married to your loved one, but to the one that your parents had decided it was best you marry for the interest of the family’s assets and such.
So, of course, when you don’t marry for love, your propensity to have affairs is quite big and it’s safe to say that most nobles and aristocrats had affairs on a regular basis. It doesn’t mean they constantly fucked around (well, some did), but very often, it meant that you had your spouse and your loved one on the side not too far and very often you spent more time with them than with your spouse… History is full of examples with kings and such and not only in France (and not only in the past: Charles, Camilla, Diana, anyone?)

Then, the Revolution happened, and the bourgeoisie took the reins of society (I simplify a bit, this is not a history lesson right now). First their goal was to differentiate themselves from the previous dominant class… But quite quickly, dominant classes do what dominant classes do, and most of the time, those habits don’t come from the fact you’re a noble or a bourgeois or anything else, it comes from what place you have in society.
And the bourgeoisie started to have important assets (money, titles, reputations and such) and they married accordingly and not for love, just like their predecessors did. And it was as common as a practice among bourgeois as it used to be among the aristocracy to have lovers and mistresses and such. Still, it was a bit less socially acceptable to do it in the open, so the thing became a bit more hush hush, despite the fact that it was still common practice.

What about nowadays?
Nowadays, the dominant class marries for love (at least I hope they do, even if you’ll never see a bourgeois marry somebody from the ghetto… but it’s more a question of homogamy here) and I guess cheating is now a sign of power and of being part of the dominant class.
All of those things are what gave us, Frenchmen, this despicable reputation. So, it’s not totally unjustified, but it’s definitely not a generalization to do either.

Now, it would be a lie to say that only the dominant class does it, one can find cheaters in any social environment, but I don’t think it’s that different in the rest of the Western world. Cheaters are everywhere, they’re shameful and dishonest people, I don’t think I can say much more about them without being rude.

Why Don't French Pay Phones Take Coins?

2009-04-01T00:48:00.004+02:00

(asked by Samayi C. from Canada)

Why don't French pay phones take coins? Such a pain!

You mean French pay phones still exist?

OK, the reason is pretty simple. French pay phones used to take coins, but they were:

-unpractical : you always needed to add coins during your conversation, which would be cut if you didn't do it fast enough (remember that local calls are not "free" in France).

-always vandalized : in the late 70's, early 80's it had become a habit for burglars, gangsters and other ruffians to pillage pay phones for easy cash, and this had become a quite lucrative business as in some cities or neighborhoods it became next to impossible to find a working pay phone, I don't exaggerate.

So, shortly after the card with integrated microchip was invented by Roland Moreno, it was decided that pay phones with coins would be put out of business and be replaced by phones that work with a prepaid card.

Those phone cards were called "Télécartes" and they were a huge success, became ubiquitous, as well as support for advertising, public announcements and campaigns; people collected them, with a trading market and all.

But one day, cell phones came along...

Cards with integrated microchip have stayed a huge success but for other uses: ATM cards (every single bank card in France has had an integrated microchip for about two decades), National Health cards ("Carte Vitale"), etc.

And sure, it was not always a convenient thing for foreigners, but during they heydays, every guide to France would mention the need to get a prepaid phone card when you arrive (you could find them pretty much everywhere)... Nowadays, I guess it must not always be fun for foreign tourists.

How do you recognize gay men in France?

2009-03-26T15:25:00.002+01:00

(asked by anonymous)

Let's see if I can formulate my question

French men dress very well (for the most part) and a lot have very feminine gestures but are totally straight. Men in the US, when they dress as put together (no offense to metrosexuals) and have feminine gestures, one can pretty much knows that they are gay. But in France, how do you tell?

I find this question interesting, not because it’s interesting in itself (we all know that gay men have a gaydar and can recognize each other, and that if you’re not gay, what do you care whether the person in front of you is gay or not ?)
I find it interesting, because the person asking the question is guilty of something too many people from any country are guilty of (even me sometimes, even if I try not to) is to think that your cultural references are universal and not specific to your own culture.

Today: gender.

No, don’t be afraid, I won’t go deep into gender studies (a field that’s interesting at first, but becomes a bit idiotic when you get a bit too involved, in my opinion) and I won’t go as far as finding examples in remote cultures from places we’ve never or rarely heard of and where gender lines are very unusual and all…

So, according to anonymous, in the US, it’s simple, heterosexual males are slobs (except for metrosexuals) and gay men are not.
While in France it’s more complicated as all men are effeminate and dress well…

Well, anonymous, what can I say except that your definition of effeminate is a bit… narrow…?
I guess you’re not to blame, as you mentioned the US, I’ll assume you’re American and in the US a man has to be full of testosterone, a slob, drink beer and burp loud and own a gun or he’s not a real man.
I know it’s a cliché, and many American men are not like that…

Still, the number of American men who think I’m gay is incredibly high while I’m by no means effeminate according to French standards. And when I say American men, I should say American straight men, because no gay man in America every thought I was gay (except one, but he was 17 and just starting to understand his own sexuality and these kinds of things).

So yeah, in the US, the stereotype of the “Man” is as previously described and every man that doesn’t fit that stereotype is suspect… and as such potentially gay… I won’t go into homophobia, it’ll bring us too far, but this is more or less what we’re talking about here.

What about France?
Well, first of all, in France not everybody dresses well, even if most people have a general understanding of what it is to dress correctly…
But in France, the stereotype of the “Man” is different: a real man in France is usually very eloquent, well-educated, funny and witty (and possibly well dressed). Things that are seen as effeminate in the US, but not in France.
I’ll go even further by saying that for a Frenchman, somebody that works out a lot, acts all macho and frat boyish is not exactly comfortable with his manhood (to go to such extent to show off your heterosexuality in such ways is suspect) or even with his own sexuality.

What do you guys think?

What do French people think about Dutchmen and other Northern-Europeans?

2009-03-17T00:08:00.002+01:00

(asked by Michel M. from the Netherlands)

I hope you can answer my question.
My question is: What do French people think, in general, about Northern-Europeans? By ''Northern-Europeans'' I mean Dutchmen, Germans, and Swedes for example.
I've heard that French people think that Dutchmen and other Northern-Europeans have a ''cold personality'', that they are less ''chaleureux'' than the French (Cause France, is the country of ''amour''). Is this true?
Greetings,

Yeah, I guess this is a general stereotype about Northern Europeans. But then, I don’t really know if all the French have the same preconceived (mis)conceptions about Northern Europeans as some of them live pretty near France.

I guess Southern French people will have the general feeling that Northern Europeans are colder, but they’ll have that feeling about Northern French people as well.
Whereas Northern French people may have a more detailed view of Northern Europeans, and think that Southern Europeans are more welcoming, but that their friendships are more shallow too and those kinds of things, of course, they’ll also think that of Southern French people.

I don't think I can go into more details with just the label “Northern Europeans.”

If you go down to more details, let’s say, each nationality, preconceptions will be more precise.
I guess one can say that the French think that the German are colder, more logical, and more organized, the Swedes are tall, blonde, gorgeous women (there are no men in Sweden according to the French) and that the Dutch are the most liberal people on this planet and are much more relaxed and easy going than their neighbors (must be the pot).

I don’t think I can answer with more details without falling into the national caricatures or on the contrary without saying the usual: the more you know a nation, the more you realize what’s true and not true about preconceptions, and that they don’t apply to all people, but I think that’s stating the obvious -even though I’m not sure it’s always that obvious for everybody if I trust some comments I get sometimes (see yesterday in previous post for example)

Do you have any suggestions on how to be an un-annoying American student in Paris?

2009-03-12T00:34:00.001+01:00

(asked by anonymous from New York)

Hi Mr. Frenchman,
So in poking around your blog I have noticed that, simply put, the French don't seem to like American study abroad students much. Living in New York, I can certainly understand the hatred for obnoxious and slow moving tourists, but I think in general Americans find foreign students interesting and exciting. Or, at least those who really have an interest in learning about America and trying to practice and improve their English. I do admit that I would hate your description of the American Student in Paris hell bent on debauchery too. But obviously this is a stereotype, and not all of us are like that. Now I know that I will never pass for French and I have no shame in being American, but besides the obvious (i.e. not wearing sweatpants out of the house, not screaming in English all over the place) do you have any suggestions on how to be an un-annoying American student in Paris?

Let’s start with American students in France, especially in Paris…
First of all, let me insist on one point. Like in any other aspects, what you do gives a reputation to everyone in your country of origin, and sadly, the bad things you do always have a stronger impact than the good things you do.
For example, if there’s a guy who’s a complete jerk in the metro, if he’s French, people will think “this guy is really a jerk” but if he’s American, people will think “this American is really a jerk” and that will be one more nail in the coffin of America reputation’s abroad.
This obviously works in any country, America included, not just France.

If I took the example of the metro it’s not random. For some reason, most of American student jerkiness I witness in Paris happens in the metro, which is also the place where most French people will encounter American students in their daily life.

That being said, and like many other things in life and on this planet, it’s always the loud minority that’s going to give a reputation to the silent majority, because of course most Americans students in Paris (and more generally, abroad) are decent people, but it’s the few jerks that give a bad reputation to all the rest. Locals won’t even notice the other decent ones or will consider them as decent people, not decent Americans. Life is not fair, I know.

So if you’re a student abroad, be aware of that, of your own behavior, but also of your friends’ behavior. If they start doing something stupid in public, don’t just laugh, but try to prevent them from doing it.
Why is it Americans students (even a minority) that always behave stupidly in public places though is still a mystery to me. Other foreign students usually behave normally most of the time. But yeah, for some Americans, abroad, especially Paris, is some sort of Neverland where nothing is real and everything is designed for their own entertainment, as if the US was an island floating on a planet-wide Disneyland.
I don’t think we’ll ever be able to change that, at least not until most Americans realize that they’re no different from anybody else and that their country is just one among more than 200.

So, how do you do not to be stigmatized as a “stupid American student”?
It’s not that hard really.
Of course, not wearing sweat pants is a good start, but unless you have a good sense of (international) fashion, chances that your clothes give you away as American are pretty high.

The answer has to lie elsewhere.
It simply is in your behavior.
I dropped a few hints in the previous lines, but basically always remember that:

-You’re in the real world, not some sort of fantasy world.
-You represent your country, whether you like it or not.
-Don’t do anything you wouldn’t do at home.
-Don’t do many of the things you would do at home.
-Basically do as Romans do, but also as Parisians do.
-But don’t try to appear or act French, you’ll fail (one of the funniest thing I can see in Paris is American students sitting at a café terrace, with a glass of wine and a cigarette just waiting as if something magical was gonna happen… hints: if you don’t smoke at home don’t pretend to do so in Paris, don’t drink wine in a café, wine is mostly consumed during meals, not in cafés).
-Be respectful of people you know, but also people you don’t know, you’ve never seen and you’ll never see again.
-Be respectful of yourself, don’t make a fool of yourself… ever…
-Don’t speak that loud. Americans don’t always realize that the “normal” volume of their voice is considered “loud” according to French standards. I know it’s hard to change such a thing that is so unconscious, but try nonetheless.
-Be friendly but not too friendly.
-And finally and most important, don't see the place as "abroad" but as "your current home".

I may have forgotten a few.
As usual, if anybody wants to add extra information, feel free.

Do I have a chance in Paris?

2009-03-08T14:35:00.004+01:00

(asked by Miena K. from Philadelphia)

Ok, so. I am currently a sophomore in college. When I was younger, I went to a French immersion school and the culture never left me. Though I am not as close as fluent as I was when I was younger (hey, I'm working on it!) and a million other reasons, I need France. I must move there. So here's my 3-part question:
1) Is it difficult to get a job as a foreigner?
2) What's the standard of living ($$) in say, le Marais?
3) Is it a great risk to me, financially, to move to Paris?

Ah… Paris!
Living in a nice apartment in the Marais spending your day sitting at a café smoking cigarettes, sipping wine and people watching…
The perfect life…
Nah, the perfect dream, only.

I don’t know where this comes from (actually I know, the American expats from the 20’s are mostly to blame) but I’m always surprised by the number of Americans that fantasize about living in Paris. What I am not surprised about is that most of them have this fake stereotypical image of that life in Paris (a romanticized version of 1920’s Paris, and not even all of Paris, more like Montparnasse artistic life).
But fine, whatever, I don’t know if Paris will always be Paris, but Americans will always fantasize about Paris so what can I do?

To respond to your questions.
First, you don’t need France, you want to live in France. It’s quite different.
And it’s not even France that you want, it’s Paris (if one day Americans stop confusing and making the amalgam of the two, I’ll die happy).

1. Is it difficult to get a job as a foreigner?

Well, it all depends on what kind of job and what country you’re from.
I presume that you’re American, and I presume you don’t want to collect garbage or load delivery trucks…
So let’s start by saying that it’s hard to find a job in France when you’re French. We’ve had chronically high unemployment for more than thirty years, on top of that there’s the current crisis (even if jobs are not hit as hard as they are in the US… yet…)
Now, jobs as a waiter, and stuff like that are always around of course.
If you want a real job here are your options:
-Being sent to France by an American company that has a subsidiary in France.
-Being top notch in your field of expertise so that the French company that wants to hire you can prove to the French immigration services that no French person is better than you in that job and can get you a visa.
-But as a college graduate, your best option is to be a language assistant, just be aware that you won’t get to decide where in France you’ll be sent to.
I’m sure there are other options, if expats that read this blog want to share their experiences, please feel free.

2) What's the standard of living ($$) in say, le Marais?

Really high…
A small studio in the Marais will cost you about €1000 a month.
Of course, that is if a Parisian landlord agrees to lease it to you. Know that a French landlord will agree to lease his €1000 apartment to you if you make about €3000 a month and if you have a guarantor that makes about the same. Oh and keep in mind that a €3000 a month paycheck in France is roughly equivalent to a $6000 paycheck in the US (nothing to do with the USD-Euro rate, wages are just lower in France, free healthcare and education are not exactly free, they are paid for by taxes).
Now, a lot of expats do live in the Marais (and other “attractive” neighborhoods such as the 6th, Montmartre, etc). How do they do?
It’s pretty simple. In Paris there are a bunch of companies that lease apartments only to expats (well, technically it’s not only to expats, but they’re targeting the English speaking market and are nowhere to be found in the usual ways French people usually find their apartments). Of course their rates are higher than the market (for that same studio, expect to pay €1500 at least) but Americans that are ready to pay whatever price to live in Paris (and that are unaware of the prices of market) are numerous, and those companies live off that (a few weeks ago one of them wanted to establish a partnership with this blog… like I’d publicize these jerks that rip off people and screw with the Paris housing market as if it was not screwed up enough).
But I guess some Americans have no other choice, as they usually don’t have a guarantor that normal French landlords will require… Did I tell you that housing in Paris was totally fucked up?
And after all, Americans are used to live above their means, so why not?

And even if you settle for a cheaper part of Paris, it'll still be much more expensive than anywhere else in France (or even in Europe -except maybe for London and Oslo).

3) Is it a great risk to me, financially, to move to Paris?

I’m not really sure what you mean by that really… Remember, I don’t know you, asking me such a question is not that different than asking me about this French guy you’ve met, blah blah blah, I’ve talked about that in length already.

Finally, as a secondary source, here is this very interesting post from that not so interesting blog (ok, I admit, the blog is not that bad, it’s just that despite what it says and the way contributors present their topics, nothing that is being talked about in it is secret nor alternative in it) that deals with the same topic.

Do most French speak another language?

2009-03-01T02:31:00.000+01:00

(asked by Holly P. from the US)

Often Americans are accused of being monolingual and not learning other languages or expecting everyone to speak English--although we are becoming more bilingual with Spanish practically becoming a second language in the US. However in France, do most French speak another language...English...German...? And do they secretly make fun of Americans who do their best to speak French?
Thanks,
Holly

We’re tackling three issues here.

First, the fact that Americans are becoming more bilingual. I have to disagree with that. Of course, compared to twenty years ago, more people today are learning foreign languages (that’s what got me to work in the US in the first place), and more people today are aware that not everybody in the world speaks English. Still, I don’t have official numbers, but the number of bilingual people is still very low.
You mention Spanish. Sure, the increasing number of Spanish speakers in the US makes the US as a country more and more bilingual, but a strange bilingualism that is made up of mostly monolingual people speaking different languages. I’m not sure that many non-Hispanic Americans are bilingual with Spanish, and as far as Hispanic Americans are concerned, I’m not sure how it’s like in the South West, but in Florida, most Hispanics seem monolingual and speak only Spanish, which is beyond my comprehension as a French person, but this is off-topic.
Now, I assume that most second generation Hispanics are more or less bilingual except in a few linguistic ghettos such as Miami, and even there educated Hispanics are bilingual.
Now, like other big immigrant waves in the past (German, Italian), it’s most likely that third, fourth and later generations Hispanic Americans will speak less and less Spanish, even if I suspect a stronger resilience of the language for various reasons that won’t be developed here.

Still, it’s important for this topic to distinguish bilingual people because they’re multicultural and bilingual people like me who have only one native language and learned a second one later.
And among the latter, the number of bilingual Americans is quite small.

What about France?
Well, the number of multicultural French people is quite low, but one can say, that almost all of them are bilingual, whether it is in the overseas territories or first and second generation immigrants.
Here again, people of foreign decent cease to be bilingual after a few generations, even faster than in the US, especially because there are no “linguistic ghetto” in France like one can find in the US.
What about regional languages?
They’re all dying to a degree or another, and except for a few exceptions (Alsacian, etc) the number of people that are bilingual by birth in those languages is negligible, even if more and more people (realizing that those languages are threatened and other reasons that are less linguistical and more political) learn them as a second or third language.

Now what about just learning foreign languages, without necessarily becoming bilingual?
Well, in France, when one reaches 6th grade (even earlier in some schools) it is compulsory to learn a foreign language (most of the time English), this language will be studied until the end of high school (that is for about 7 years), in 8th grade, most kids have to learn a second language, until 11th or 12th grade.
So basically almost everybody in France should have a basic knowledge of at least 2 foreign languages.
That’s the theory.
In practice, some kids are better at learning languages than others, some kids are better taught than others, and most important the way language teaching is designed in France plainly sucks. So in the end, very few people can actually speak foreign languages even if everybody has at least a vague concept of at least one.

Why do I say that language teaching sucks in France?
See the whole French education system is based on the learning of theory, rules, empirical things, etc. The Socratic method (which is more or less the norm in the US) is more or less inexistent. Both methods have their advantages and their inconveniences, I won’t detail them here, but the problem is that because of this philosophy of teaching and of learning, very few people in France know how to teach or to learn a language.
Teachers (or at least those who design the programs, which are decided on the national level) seem to be totally unaware that a language is something you listen to and you speak, before reading and writing. I’m saying this, because 90% of the learning process of a foreign language in a French school is about reading and writing the language, the oral part being almost inexistent.
And that gives you kids like I was, who could read English at the age of 16, but who didn’t learn how to speak it properly before actually living in an English-speaking country. And those who didn’t do that are totally unable to have a decent conversation in the language, while they can explain you grammatical points that most Americans would be clueless about.

Another problem, is that most kids, because the teaching is so theoretical, don’t comprehend that a language is something else that just a school lesson. And because of that, they won’t realize that a language is something you use, to communicate, to open your horizons and these sorts of things. They think it’s just thing you study to get a good grade (or that you don’t study because you hate the teacher and other stupid childhood mistakes like this).

Finally, no, most French people don’t secretly make fun of Americans who do their best to speak French. First of all, believe me, if they make fun of you for that, they won’t do it secretly, they’ll do it to your face.
But most of the time they won’t.
And no, when French people speak English with you in France, even if you try to speak French it’s not because they’re embarrassed or offended because you’re butchering their sacred language (how many times did I hear that?), it’s because they see you’re struggling with your French, that they think they know English better than you know French (it can be true or not) and they want to help you… and practice their English at the same time, because as mentioned before, practice is what they lack and always lacked with that language.

But even if they’ll most likely speak English with you, that doesn’t mean it’s ok to address a French person directly in English (except to say “Excuse, do you speak English?”) it’s actually extremely rude, as you are in their country, you must not assume that they speak your language.

Believe me, when a foreigner comes to me speaking directly in their language (only Americans and Spaniards do that though), they won’t get much help from me. If they speak Spanish, I won’t understand what they say, and I won’t try. If they speak English, I’ll go to the extent of pretending I don’t speak English, and/or make them understand how rude they are in the way that’s gonna make them regret to ever set foot in France.
On the other hand, if they don’t do that, if they try, if they ask nicely if I speak their language, I’ll be the most helpful person in the world.

And I’m not an exception here.

Is this the "I'm more important than you" syndrome at work?

2009-02-22T01:02:00.004+01:00

(asked by Alexandra H. currently in Paris)

I have lived in Paris for years and I still can't get over the French (Parisians, specifically) and their "faux" manners that seem to arise from a sense of entitlement (is this the "I'm more important than you" syndrome at work?). To wit, two examples from the last 48 hours:

1. Today while getting on the bus at a rear door (on a long bus, where it's acceptable) I arrived at the ticket validater about 3 seconds before an older woman who was obviously in a big hurry. She tried to quickly get her hand in before mine, but since I was there before her she had no chance. When she saw she couldn't intimidate me out of her way she "let" me go first. I validated my ticket and sat down. She then said to me in a sarcastic obnoxious tone "you should say thank you when someone allows you to pass in front of them". I told her I was in front of her and saw no reason to thank her for resisting shoving me aside. She then complained loudly to her friend that she had let me go in front of her and I didn't even thank her and was I "mal elevee". Rediculous! She tried to push her way ahead of me and was unsuccessful, so I should apologise??

2. When walking down the street with my child in a stroller, an older couple didn't see me (it was dark) and the woman stumbled on the wheel of the stroller. They then yelled at me for not excusing myself! I mean, I'm walking along minding my own business and I'm supposed to excuse myself because someone doesn't pay attention to where they're walking???

Why should I apologise for other people's blunders or bad behavior? What's the logic?

Is this just me or are you really just venting more than actually asking a question?

Well, I'll answer anyway.

1.
Well, you mentioned the Parisian (not French, please, just Parisian) "faux" manners and sense of self-entitlement. Here they are at work. And on that matter, worse than the Parisian, we have the Parisian older lady.
Parisian older ladies (especially from the bourgeoisie, actually you don't see that type of behavior as much from poorer older ladies) think they have every right in the world, that they are always in the right and that they will do you a favor if they don't treat you like crap.
Those people are despicable and don't really deserve the respect that a normal older lady usually deserves and you shouldn't bother giving it to them, ever.
I could give you many examples why those persons are pure evil, but that would be just me venting too and it wouldn't be very constructive (I'm still mad at myself for not putting that one back in her place a few days ago).

I don't think there's much to add about this situation.

2.
Well, here is an interesting one. See, there's another thing that's extremely annoying (not as much as older bourgeois lady, but not that far from it) in Paris, it is people with strollers.
I don't know what's up with Parisians, but they're worse than rabbits, they produce babies these days like they've never heard the word contraception.
And a very unfortunate consequence of that behavior is strollers.
Especially because most of those young parents are bobos, so they feel compelled to have these horrible strollers that look like SUVs and that should simply be illegal.
Why am I saying that?
Because Parisian sidewalks were just not designed for those vehicles (or any vehicle for that matter, yes, I'm alluding to you scooter drivers) and are a pain in every pedestrian's ass, and believe me they don't need this in a city like Paris were car drivers think it should be legal to run over pedestrians.

Of course, we could all get along if young Parisian parents -especially mothers- showed some respect and didn't feel like they have all the rights in the world and that everybody should jump out of the sidewalk when they arrive with their snotty-nosed humans-in-training. I don't know what makes them think that, I hesitate between either the fact that as they think that their baby is the most special person in the world, why can't we see it and bow on their passage or the fact that they are totally oblivious that the special privileges pregnant women have during nine months instantly disappear at the very moment they spat out their baby into the real world.

Sadly, it rarely happens, they think they have every right over you because they push that pseudo-vehicle with a pseudo-human in it (or because they are mothers and you're not... even if you are, if you're not pushing a stroller, it doesn't matter to their eyes).

That being said, in your case, it's totally possible that the woman bumped into you, I don't know. I'm just saying...

(but strollers have bumped into me several times -and I understand, those things are unmaneuverable- and every single time, the woman expected me to excuse myself because I had dared touch her little dictator's vehicle or something along those lines, so you'll understand my suspicions)

So what do the French really think about Americans?

2009-02-18T01:32:00.002+01:00

(asked by Wendy from Santa Ana, California)

So! What do they really think?

Wow, that’s a big one.
You’re aware that -more than ever- there are as many answer as there are French people, aren’t you?
If you had simply asked “What do the French think about Americans?” I could have answered with the usual batch of clichés and stereotypes: “they’re fat, they have no culture, they’re stupid, they’re warmongers, they eat crap, they don’t know anything about the rest of the world, they’re obnoxiously loud” (am I forgetting any?) but no, you mean business, you asked “What do the French REALLY think about Americans?”

So to be able to properly answer this question, we’re going to do things a little bit differently today. I am not going to answer the question (at least not right away) and I’m going to ask the French people that read this blog to tell us what they really think about Americans.
I want your real personal opinions –remember it’s about what you really think- not a list of generalizations (I can do that by myself).

Of course, I thank you all in advance for contributing so helpfully to this blog (without you guys I’d be stuck on that one).

Can you tell us about Massage Therapy in France?

2009-02-16T01:49:00.002+01:00

(asked by Jess from Indiana)

I was just wondering, could you tell me about the cultural differences between Massage Therapy in France and the U.S. And also, what exactly is a kinesiotheque (excuse the spelling)? In our country as a whole, there is so little regulation that it is often viewed as sexual or at very least, non medical. As someone nearly finished with massage school here in the U.S. I have wondered if it is viewed in more of a Medical, Spa/beauty, or Sexual sense in France.
Thanks

Hi Jess,
First of all, I have to tell you that the only thing I know about massage therapy in the US, is that my hairdresser (with whom I was in very friendly terms) always thought that my neck and shoulders were too stiff and that she advised me to go to the massage school in town were they do massages for free (or really cheap) and I always planned on going and I never went.
So I won’t be able to compare both countries on that matter.

Now, what I know about massages in France.
I guess in France, one can divide massages in four types.

First of all, we have the “masseurs-kinésithérapeutes” who are officially licensed masseurs who work in close relationship with doctors and hospitals (some have private practices, some are in hospitals) and their job deals with physical rehab, medical therapy, and these sorts of things. To become one, you need to go to school several years after passing a very selective entry exam, from what I know, it’s almost like med school, except that it only deals with skeletons and muscles or something like that.

Then we have “normal” masseurs, the ones that provide what I think you call Swedish massage in English and these sorts of massages one can get in spas and such, and I gotta admit that I don’t know much about these masseurs, they may just be “masseurs-kinésithérapeutes” too.

Third we have what I call the “exotic massages” that is a big group gathering all the massages coming from “exotic” countries, usually Asian. Some are real massages from these countries (Asia is the number one hip “exotic” place for the young bourgeoisie and the infamous “bobos” these days) some are just new age BS, hard to tell because there’s no regulation or anything else, I assume that anybody can open such a massage parlor if they want.

Finally, we have the sexual massage parlors that are just prostitution that doesn’t dare to say its name.

But your question was more about all of these are perceived in France.
Well, most French people know what masseurs-kinésithérapeutes are, they’re well known, and there’s little to no confusion about their job (they’re part of the medical “industry”).

Then, things can be more blurred with the three other ones.
As I told you, I am myself not that sure whether spa masseurs are masseurs-kinésithérapeutes or not, whereas some other people won’t really make the difference between spa masseurs and “exotic masseurs” (especially because I assume one can find more and more “exotic masseurs” in spa nowadays).

And as far as sexual massages are concerned, in France, they’re very often called “Thai massages” I’m not sure why (but I assume that it comes from the sexual tourism industry in Thailand that gladly mixes both for the tourists), which add to the confusion with “exotic massages”, especially real Thai massages.

I hope I answered your question (I’m not too sure I did).

What is a French kiss?

2009-02-08T02:18:00.003+01:00

(asked by anonymous)

OK, French toast: le pain perdu, French fries: les frites, but what is a French kiss?

Really? You don't know what it is? Do you need me to show you?
Oh... You meant, what is it in French?
Well, it's doesn't really have a special name actually (or it's totally escaping me right now... somebody? tell me I don't have Alzheimer's yet) apart from "un baiser" (a kiss).
Maybe because a French kiss is the standard kiss (between two lovers of course) in France.

And while I'm on the topic of "French" things in English, just be aware that very often, what you call French something has a very remote link to France.
For example, you'll never find French toast in France (they're not exactly "pains perdus" even if I assume they have a common origin).
Even if the place of invention of the French fries is up to debate, they're generally considered a Belgian thing in Europe, not a French one. One can argue that it was a French guy -Parmentier- that popularized the consumption of potatoes in Europe (and thus ending famines, except that one time when the Irish ran out of the thing).
Why are the French cut green beans and the French roast coffee are called as such still puzzle me to this day.
Any other?

And don't worry, we do the same things with "American" things in France.
For example, do you know what American sandwiches, American kitchens, American sauces, American bars are?

Why are French women such bitches?

2009-02-05T00:58:00.001+01:00

(Katie S. from Stanford, CA but currently in France)

I am an American student living in France - from Paris to Arles to Marseille to Strasbourg. I have found that everywhere I go, French women are cold to me - especially, but not exclusively, if I am dating a guy that they know. Could you explain why? Is it a French woman Vs American woman thing? Or just a French women in general thing? What is the general conception of American women among French women?

Mmmm…. I’m afraid it’s gonna be hard for me to respond to such a question without making generalizations, or without giving my opinion.

So, I simply won’t answer the question…

Got you…

Ok, so what’s wrong with French women? Why are they such bitches to American women?
Seriously, it will be very hard to not generalize on this one, because there are as many different type of French woman as there are French women.

But I’ll try to draw a few trends.
So we can say that French women are cold to you for three reasons roughly. Any individual being cold to you may be fitting in one, two or the three categories.

-The First one has nothing to do really with the fact that they are women, but everything to do with the fact that they are French. See, I’m not sure how old you are, but in France, French people tend to find all of their friends for life before the age of 20ish (let’s make it 25 max.)
From birth to that age, French people tend to make all of their friends, and keep them for life. That doesn’t mean that all the friends they make during these years will become friends for life, it means that all of the friends they have when they’re adults, they usually met at some point between age 0 and age 25.
Of course, they can make friends after age 25, but it rarely happens, and when it does, they never become real close friends like the other ones, just people you hang out with.
So, some of these women just have no interest in befriending you because they have their friends for life already and don’t feel like making new friends.
One can also notice that past that age, women will sometimes make male friends, and men will still make female friends, but most of the time it’s because they need to have a list of potential partners, even if they’re not single at the moment (not every French person is like that, but believe me, I know a lot), and I’m not sure we can really call that “friendship” even if they’ll tell you otherwise.
This is also why women don’t really like new women in their social group, and men don’t really like new men, it’s because they’re afraid they can mean trouble (they know, because they do the same).

-Second: the woman thing. Yep, women are strange. They don’t really like to have other women they don’t know too well around. See, women are insecure creatures that see competition everywhere, especially in other women. So every time they meet another woman, they’re afraid that the new woman will threaten them one way or the other, it can go from stealing their boyfriend/husband to wearing the same dress at a dinner party, and more generally speaking: unbalance the fragile balance of her social life (especially if the new woman is thinner, younger, and/or prettier than they are).
For that reason, women really don’t like having new women in their social circle, even less than men dislike having new men in theirs (at least with new men, one can do cool stuff like watching sports, go fishing, you name it).

-Third: the American factor. Yes, some French people are plainly anti-American for many reasons I don’t necessarily need to list here, that includes a certain number of French women, and they’d be cold to you even if you were a men.

And as said before these three factors can be combined at will. You see how factor 1 and 2 can be combined easily, but 2 and 3 combine well too.
Especially because for some reason, French women (and men too I guess) have this image of American women being very secure, sure of themselves and stuff.
Of course, they’re as insecure as French women, but French women don’t know it. So they resent American women for being so secure when they can’t be.
And that leads to funny behaviors and misunderstandings between French women and American women.
Because for the most part, American women tend to try to hide their insecurities by being extremely nice and smiling, like way too much for French standards, and French women tend to try to hide their insecurities by being complete bitches, way too much for American standards, most of them thinking that being a bitch equals showing you have a personality.

Of course, secure American women tend to be a bit bitchy, secure French women tend to be nicer than average.
You can see where it leads in terms of misunderstandings and such.

I could go into more details, but I’m afraid this entry will get me the chauvinist pig blogger award and I don’t need this now that I’ve been classified as a potential war starter.

(ok, I can’t help it, I’ll go into more details in the comment section if necessary)

P.S. A somewhat similar question was asked some time ago, you can read the answer here.

Interlude

2009-01-29T00:12:00.001+01:00

I’m interrupting the current flow of this blog –sorry for the people that are impatiently waiting for an answer to their questions- to share with you a comment that I received a few nights ago.
Originally, I thought about just responding privately, I recognize that it would make more sense, but the person didn’t leave any e-mail nor a blogger account, nor anything else; and as I have to respond to this, so why not make it a full entry (and I’ll try to include some cultural relevance, as well. We’ll see).

So here is her comment:

“I am a social psychologist, American, and a scientist in the CNRS. I wonder how long you lived in the US? I have lived in France for 11 years and as for stereotypes, you did a good job of communicating them You are sadly, and quite obnoxiously, wrong on almost all counts.

It is so too bad that this blog exists. I'll maybe start my own because blogs like yours are extremely dangerous for international relations.”
Paula Niedenthal.

And here is my response:

Dear Paula,
First of all, thanks for taking the time to post a comment.
Of course such a comment demands a response from my part.

Let’s start with answering your question.
I spent seven years in the US, I’ve been back in France for about 3 years, but have stayed in close contact with Americans since I’ve been back (both in the US and expats in France). Over those years, I met several hundreds Americans, with most of whom I had several occasions to compare cultures and countries (being a teacher helps meeting numbers of people and talking about these things with them, especially when you teach topics that are closely related to that). According to most, if not all of them, I have a pretty good understanding of American culture; but we’re kind of borderline off-topic here, as you may be aware, this blog is about French culture, not American culture.
Now, please, let me ask you a few questions myself. Can you tell me exactly how being a psychologist and part of the CNRS relevant here? Or are you just trying to impress me and think that will make the rest of your comment more potent and true?
If that’s what you’re trying to achieve with me, I’m afraid for you that you have chosen the wrong target and the wrong method.
I am too quite familiar with the letters P, H and D, and they have long ceased to impress me. Same thing goes with the CNRS. And even if I have the utmost respect to psychology and most psychologists, when I hear a psychologist calling him/herself a scientist, the respect I have for him/her suddenly drops very low and I’ll be more than tempted to think that he/she’s full of shit (See, I happen to have a few good friends that are psychologists, included a very well respected clinical psychologist in England, so I know a thing or two about the profession and the bullshit that can plague it at times).
After that, you tell me that you’ve lived 11 years in France. Good for you. But what does this mean exactly? That you understand France and the French better than I? Oh yeah, you’re a scientist and a psychologist, I forgot! But isn’t your field of expertise emotions? And how does this give you any credential to state bluntly and without any argument to back it up (not very scholarly on your part) that I am wrong on almost all counts? And that my blog is “extremely dangerous”? I mean, maybe it is, I don’t know. But if it is, I’d like to know how, so that I can use my dangerousness for more useful things than just a blog (and if it’s that dangerous, I should know how, I’m afraid of starting a war without being aware of it or something).
Oh, and one last thing before I wrap it up (though I could go on all night, but I’m sure you understand that have more useful things to do). Concerning the clichés… Do the words sarcasm and self-derision (or even more generally humor) mean anything to you?
Or has (academic?) political correctness killed your common sense long time ago?

And by the way, please, start your own blog, I’d love to read it (I may even link you here).

Sincerely,
The Frenchman

Now, for the cultural part.
Some of you maybe wondering what the hell the CNRS is?

See, in France, research and education are for the most part separate from each other.
In French universities, teachers teach, students study (or not), but there is little to no research going on.
Why?
Because it happens at the CNRS (Centre National de la Recherche Scientifique), which is a big (the largest in Europe) Research Center that employs most researchers in France.
It has good and bad sides.
It’s a quite powerful institution, it’s (usually) quite well subsidized by the government, it has produced a few Nobel prizes, etc.
But it has some very bad aspects too. The different departments are very isolated from each other and there are few interdisciplinary exchanges, which is a shame especially when you think of all the opportunities that such a big institution could provide on that aspect.
And its main problem is –in my opinion- the fact that it’s quite cut-off education. You can see how it’s bad for the students (advanced education in France relies way too much on theory and not enough on practice, mostly because of that), but it’s also quite bad for the researchers themselves as the CNRS tends to be some sort of Ivory Tower where people are somewhat cut-off from the real world. It’s not that much of a problem for, let’s say, astrophysicists, but it can be a major one when you’re dealing with humanities and fields like psychology where people sometimes can start having strange delusions, call themselves scientists, thinking blogs are dangerous and that they’re better than you and know more than you because they’re member of the CNRS, even if their field of expertise has nothing to do with what they’re talking about.

What’s the deal with the aristocracy in France?

2009-01-28T11:01:00.002+01:00

(asked by Anne from DC and -I think- currently in France)

The other day when I was visiting a friend in Paris, I noticed that one of the names listed on the interphone in her building was the Comtesse de Something (I can't remember what). So what's the deal? France hasn't had a king from a royal line for forever and égalité is one of the core values of the republic. Can you shed some light?

The deal is pretty simple. Not every noble died during the Revolution (Unfortunately? No, I didn’t say it). The Revolution was not about genocide but about democracy.

First, a common misconception abroad (and even among some uneducated French people) is that the guillotine's main purpose was to kill the nobles.
Well, if it had been the case, why bother with a guillotine? Torching their houses and gutting them would have been more efficient (or at least faster).
No, the guillotine was just the “tool” to execute people that were sentenced to death.
But at the time, the surest way to get a one-way trip to the guillotine (apart from the obvious: mass murder, etc.) was to be labeled “Enemy of the Revolution.”
That included members of the aristocracy, but not all of them, some were actually in favor of the Revolution (the most famous one being the Marquis de Lafayette). That also included people from the commonalty, especially once Robespierre had taken over and lost it and started to sentenced to death anybody that would disagree with him (until he was deposed and sent to the guillotine).

So, even today, there are living members of the aristocracy in France.

Thing is, that the aristocracy and the titles that go with it have no legal value anymore. But some people, because of the importance of lineage and tradition in those families, or because they still hope to go back to the Monarchy one day (there are some of those in France) kept their title even if nowadays they have the value you want to give them (great value among themselves, no value whatsoever for the rest of the people).

Keep in mind that it’s not the whole aristocracy that does that, just a few (most of them located in the 16th arrondissement of Paris and rich suburbs like Neuilly or Versailles). I had a friend in college that was technically an aristocrat, but his family was your typical French middle-class family, and he couldn’t care less for his noble origins.

While I’m at it, be aware of two things:
Not all people from the aristocracy are nobles from the Ancien Régime. The two Napoléons created their own aristocracies, naming baron, duke, marquis, etc people that were close to them and that were "deserving" for various reasons (military success, financial success, personal favors done to the power in place, etc). I’m not sure what the relationship those “new” nobles have with the Ancien Régime ones, but I suspect the latter to despise the former. And yes, they know who is who, they care that much about ancestry and lineage.
This is also why if you proclaim yourself Marquis of whatever, you can fool a normal French person, but you won't fool any real aristocrat.

Also, not everybody with a “de” in their last name has noble origins. If the “de” is attached to the rest of the name (Dedieu, Debord, etc) it’s definitely not an aristocrat name but an old French name from the Middle-Ages (for example, Debord means “from the bank” of the nearby river), even though at times, especially if there are many syllables after the “de” the family was an aristocrat one, but attached the “de” to the rest of the name in order to not be seen as such (because they were in favor of the Revolution, because years later they didn’t affiliate themselves with the nobility anymore, etc.).

We also have families that for one reason or the other want to appear noble and managed to attach a “de” somewhere in their last name.
The most famous example is the one of former president Valery Giscard d’Estaing whose ancestors were just the Giscard family but because there was a “d’Estaing” at some point in the family (he seems to have a quite complicated family tree), his dad and other members of his family legally changed their names to Giscard d’Estaing in 1922.

On the other hand, Charles de Gaulle was from an real aristocrat family, even though a very minor one.

And while we’re at it, former Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin whose real name is Dominique Galouzeau de Villepin, is not an aristocrat either. In the 18th Century, his ancestor Mr. Galouzeau married Miss de Villepin (who was I assume from the aristocracy). It’s one of their great-grandson who legally changed his name Galouzeau to Galouzeau de Villepin in the 19th Century, maybe during one of those times when it was “useful” again to be a noble. The name stayed this way for the next generation.
Why does the former Prime Minister go by “de Villepin” and not “Galouzeau de Villepin” or just “Galouzeau” is unknown to me, but I promise to ask him if I ever met him.

I hope I’m answering your question, and if you have any further ones feel free to ask.

What is your take on French speaking Swiss men??

2009-01-27T01:32:00.003+01:00

(asked by Anna from the UK)

What is your take on French speaking Swiss men?? Can I apply the same advice (as the one given about Frenchmen) ?? Of course I am an English (not American) woman, so please feel free to skip the obvious!!! But anything unique I should be aware of?

Anna, first of all, thanks for the kind words that I didn't publish here (I like to keep those to myself, yes, French people draw a clearcut line between public and private), but on the other hand I let you the entire responsibility about the fact that Americans need to be explained the obvious.

Now, your question...
Well, what can I say about French speaking Swiss men? Or even French speaking Swiss people?
I can say that they speak (roughly) the same language as us.
Apart from that, I can't really say anything about them.
Swiss people, regardless of the language they speak may just be the strangest people in the world and I barely know anything about them, and the little I know, I don't understand.
Come on, these people are not even part of the UN, they have counties where people vote by getting together on the village's central square and raise hands, and their accent (for the French speaking ones) is not even funny (like the Belgian or Canadian ones can be), it's just plain weird.

Sorry, I can't help you, but remember, just like cultures from one Anglo culture to the other can be very different regardless of the common language, ancestry, history (partly), the same applies to (non-colonized) French speaking cultures.

And the Swiss even more so than the other ones, because let's admit it, French Canadians used to be French, French speaking Belgians are just French people that Louis XIV just forgot on the other side of the border and they formed a country with their arch-enemies as an act of despair (and/or as an attempt to get our attention so that we take them back), but the Swiss... We don't even know where they come from... I mean, yeah, the Alps, but that's pretty much it...