Semi-Celibate Erotica

Team Jon, Part 2

2009-06-10T09:54:00.003-05:00

This train wreck called Jon & Kate Plus 8 is screwing with my mind. I'm relating their collapsing marriage to my own disfunctional situation too much.

I was talking to Mrs. SCM on the phone this week. I was describing a situation that was causing me stress. Her immediate reflexive comment was that it was basically my fault. The thought that went through my head was:

"Yeah. Thanks, Kate, for pointint that out."

I watched a little bit of the show this week. I could only take ten minutes of Kate sniping at Jon because he wasn't preparing the food the right way for her. Belittling him to their guest. "Well, Jon's not really capable of...". I got up and walked out.

Ladies, you should make this a teachable moment. Give some thought to how you talk to your guy. Do you, as Kate does, communicate to him relentlessly that he doesn't do it right or meet your expectations?

If you do, then - how should I put this delicately - WAKE THE FUCK UP!

Two-Wheel Fever

2009-06-09T16:52:00.002-05:00

I wish I had a motorcycle.

I wish I had a woman who wanted to ride behind me on a motorcycle.

I don't have either.

Damn.

They're everywhere, this time of year. Taunting me. Tempting me.

I haven't ridden in years. More than a decade. But I haven't forgotten.

I will have a bike again. Soon.

I can dream until then...

At the Movies

2009-06-06T13:32:00.002-05:00

Laughter. It's good for the soul.

And I got a lot of it at the theater watching "The Hangover". Laugh-out-loud funny. A touch raunchy. A lot crazy. Very funny. I haven't heard that much laughter in a theater for a film in a while.

Which gives me a chance to observe this: Heather Graham has still got it! This girl is fun and sexy. A great combination. Killer smile. Killer bod. She exudes life! I could watch her movies any day - especially, however, the ones where she's grinding on a stripper pole in a bikini - in the closing credits anyway. Jade is a memorable character.

Next on my list at the movies: The Taking of Pelham 123.

I distinctly remember the original movie. IT was the first time, in my memory anyway, that I saw a movie made out of a book that I had read. The remake looks pretty good.

In the meantime, I need to find some more pics of Heather Graham to download...

I'm with Jon

2009-06-01T12:38:00.002-05:00

Okay, I got suckered in. I watched the season premiere episode of Jon and Kate Plus Eight on TLC on Memorial Day. My bad.

Yes, I've seen a few minutes here and there last year. Mrs. SCM watches the program. She wanted me to watch with her now. Bad idea, I thought. This is a no-win situation for me. I'm going to root for Jon against Kate-zilla and get myself in trouble. But, I pressed on foolishly and watched it.

Watching the episode totally reminded me of the niche on CraigsList called "Cuckolds". These are couples with a dominant "hotwife" and a submissive male who thrives on getting humiliated. Not for me, but to each his own I guess. It's not enough for the cuckold to just get cheated on. Oh no. The cuck gets off on setting up his humiliation. On arranging dates for his hotwife with "bulls", who come over to please the hotwife in all of the ways that the cuckold cannot.

Kate is the hotwife. Jon is the cuckold, participating in his own humiliation. The show is the bull, providing for Kate what Jon can't.

It could play out, whatever, if there weren't kids involved. But, there are. And this is going to end badly.

What were they thinking, going on TV? Kate, in the midst of her martyr rant, observed that parents of multiples have a divorce rate triple the population and that she had thought that they would beat it. Wrong statistic to focus on. How about this one: 100% of married couples on reality TV get divorced. Beat that.

Am I going to watch episode two tonight. Probably. But, I'm rooting for Jon to escape.

Soft Country Porn

2009-05-31T00:25:00.003-05:00

I have this thing now for country music. Ever since I made a recent excursion to Music City and the Grand Ole Opry.

So, not only do I have two country music channels on my presets in the car now, but I regularly stop by the Great American Country channel on cable. They actually still play music videos. Country music videos.

Some of which, as it turns out, are startlingly close to soft core porn. Not the booty shaking grind porn like the hip-hop videos. No. These are the cute blonde role-playing in outfits (cheerleader, nurse, name-your-hot-stereotype)videos.

Yes, I'm talking about Taylor Swift, and her "you belong with me" or whatever it's called. Even cuter is her hot brunette doppelganger.

Yes, I'm talking about Carrie Underwood and her "american girl" video. Wow.

Yes Yes, I'm talking about Kellie Pickler's "best days" video, featuring Taylor Swift. Two hot blondes, smiling and singing.

Wow. Makes a nearly-half-century-old-gezer-dude's heart beat fast. I know. I'm a perv. A country-vixen-loving perv.

Semi-Random Thoughts

2009-03-29T08:19:00.002-05:00

- Snowblowers! I am waking up this morning to the sound of snowblowers in my neighborhood. Will I ever be warm again? Will this cursed March ever end? Where is this mythical Global Warming when you need it.

- I say waking up. I mean waking up for the tenth time. I am sleeping horribly lately - getting up many times every night. It's dispruptive, and it wears on you. It's like an old joke that I heard long ago: Did you sleep good? No, I made a few mistakes.

- I wish that I could have all or most of the last nine days back. I had some time off of work, not at my choice. I had plans. I always have plans. I got none of them accomplished. There are few things more soul-crushing than having time off and doing absolutely nothing. I even passed on my favorite pastime - golfing. I had the time. I had the money. But, I'm having significant amount of chest pain lately and I was afraid that I would keel over on the back nine. Seriously. That wouldn't be good.

- If I knew in advance that I wasn't going to do anything for nine days, I would have done nothing differently. I would have cashed in a free roundtrip ticket in my account and gone somewhere in the country to do some photography. I miss flying into a town and capturing it digitally in the evenings. I really miss that.

- I did do some semi-naked housecleaning on the one warm day that we had. See picture.

- I wish I had a sex life. Well, one that involved another person anyway. I'm trying, really, to reconnect with Mrs. SCM. I made a point during my week of nothingness to try to "date" Mrs. SCM in some way. I had her meet me for lunch during her work day. Picked a nice restaurant. Ordered for her, her favorite choices off the menu - had it on the table waiting for her. Nothing. She couldn't get her head out of work and it was a long awkward lunch where she ate nothing. I tried. I think it's time to find her a boyfriend and then find other solutions myself.

- Sitting behind the glass at a semi-pro hockey game, with my boys, is awesome! When the players crash into the boards right in front of you is a rush.

- I live in a river town. The water is way, way, way up - and rising. It's going to be a wet spring.

- The War on Terror has come to my hometown. I can't tell you how, without giving up my location (which a few of you, but not all, know). Let's just say that I am not happy with Barry's administration for doing this to us.

- Here's a news story that you should give some thought to: handgun ammunition is sold out around the country. Don't believe me? Go to Walmart today and try to buy your favorite caliber of handgun ammo. I tried last night, after reading a story on my favorite political website about shortages and ammo manufacturers working 24/7. I wanted some 9mm for some time on a gun range that I have a membership in. No go. Empty shelf. I could buy one box of .22 LR (550 rounds). I could buy some shotgun shells. I was limited to two boxes of .762X39 for a rifle. No go on the 9mm. Never had that happen before. So, what are the social implications of all of the handgun ammo in America being sold out? Think about that, and get back to me.

- Devyn, from The Real World - Brooklyn, is without doubt the hottest real woman on TV. She does it for me, is all I'm sayin'.

Semi-back

2009-03-18T16:35:00.002-05:00

So, I saw a quote projected at a meeting today. It went something like this:

"Anybody can quit. Quitting is the easiest thing in the world to do. Keeping it together when everyone around you would understand if you fell takes courage."

Ouch. By that standard, Mrs. SCM has plenty of courage. Me, not so much lately.

It's been a long slog back from the deep deep deep funk of the holidays. Getting there though. Plus, almost 1000 people got layoff notices in my plant yesterday. I didn't know there were still 1000 people still here. I'm okay for the moment. But, it's a little stressful. I've taken on so many hats that I'm a walking hat rack.

When I'm not working I'm either couch-potato-ing or commenting on a science thread on another blog that I've become addicted to.

Since I have no semi-erotic stories to tell lately, I'll just ask this question:

Is Julianne Hough on "Dancing With the Stars" mega-watt-hawt or what? Melissa, right behind her.

Also, I'm rooting for Danny Gokey on American Idol.

Wow. Way to much TV lately.

How is everybody?

Back from Laptop Hell

2009-03-02T02:10:00.003-06:00

Hello sexy people! I'm back online.

The sad state of my laptop has frustrated me greatly in the last two months or so, and effectively taken me out of blogging recently. It was just too difficult to get online.

First it was a virus. A particularly malicious thing that took over in the background and made it progressively harder to do anything productive. It damaged my Windows operating system so severely that it would take me several attempts and more than an hour to just boot up to read one email. (An hour that I spent wishing painful torture on virus writers.) It got so frustrating that I almost gave up.

Then my built-in wireless card died. Just died. So, I ponied up and bought an external wireless PCMCIA card. It helped, but not enough. It dropped the connection constantly!

I got frustrated, and then gave up.

Giving up was actually liberating, and ultimately solved my problem. I knew I had important files backed up, so I just went for it. Risky as it seemed, I formatted my hard drive to kill everything dead. Then I reinstalled everything, starting with Windows. Finally, I trashed my new wireless card and bought a better one. Viola! I have my laptop back. It boots quickly, has lots of open memory, and connects solidly to the internet. Heaven.

I guess there's a lesson there generally about being willing to risk everything to gain. Or something profound like that.

I'm back.

Pacing the Cage, with Strip Club Flashbacks

2009-02-02T15:12:00.002-06:00

"The days drift by, they don't have names...." Jimmy Buffett

"What would you do if you were stuck in a place, and every day was the same, and nothing that you did mattered?" Phil (Bill Murray) - "Groundhog Day"

Question: Is 48 years old too young to be just waiting to die? Yeah, I thought so.

While I'm waiting, I'm watching a lot of junk TV. These days that mostly means VH-1, and the junkiest is Brett Michael's "Rock of Love Bus". Bus loads of skanky girls on tour!

Brett's bus seems to have a propensity toward pulling into strip clubs after his shows. And, for two episodes in a row, they seem to be strip clubs that I have been to.

First was the world famous "Big Al's" in Peoria, IL. Yep, been there. It's a nice club, high end, with some gorgeous dancers. I wrote about one evening there on my original blog "DanceFan: on Strippers and LIfe". Go read about it here.

This week it looks like he's stopping at the Hustler club in St. Louis. (Actually across the river in Illinois). I had a wild night there,in the company of a famous porn starlett feature dancer (Jenna Haze) and another drop in rock star that night. Go read about that night here. It's a good read. Ask me in the comments, and I'll tell you who the rock star was.

Next post, I'll tell you a good story about my last time in a strip club.

Now, back to pacing the cage...

Frigid

2009-01-25T21:08:00.002-06:00

I'm really really tired of the cold, and the incessant snow, this year. It's frigid.

Speaking of frigid, I apparently am at the moment. Obsessing about sex, but not having any. Ouch. I have a willing partner, but the dynamics are just f'd up at the moment.

I'm so cold...

But, I'm Not Dead Yet

2009-01-15T23:05:00.002-06:00

I hate that my blog has become a decidedly unsexy whinefest about my traumatic life. Of course, I hate that my life has become unsexy and traumatic - and the blog reflects my life. It is what it is.

I'm reduced at the moment to deriving any sexual arousal in my life from tripe like "A Double Shot of Love" on MTV.

Bisexual.Twin.Barbies.

Um, yeah. Works for me. Does anyone think that they will find love on this show? Or at they really can't decide until the end of the show whether they want to end up with a straight guy or a lesbian chick? Can it be any more ironic that they are called the "Ikki Twins"? (Vikki and Rikki) None of that matters.

Bisexual.Twin.Barbies. Yikes!

I needed something tonight to pull myself out of my funk. So, I took myself on a date to a musical. "Spamalot" - based on Monty Python's "The Holy Grail", which I watched several times in the late 70' and could quote by heart. I laughed my ass off, which I definitely needed. Which reminded me:

It's just a flesh wound. I'm not dead yet.

Escaping thru Hollywood

2009-01-11T13:51:00.005-06:00

"We all need a little tenderness.
How can love survive in this graceless age?"
Don Henley/Eagles - "The Heart of the Matter"

Good question. I got nuthin'. I think it's about forgiveness, but I don't have it in me right now.

I've been taking a time out from trauma for a week or so. Haven't really spoken to anyone other than at work.

I'm living on the couch in the basement. Sleeping there. Watching a lot of movies.

So, having nothing to say, here's a list of my Top 10 movies that I would rent if I walked in a video store and then hid out for a week - in no particular order.

- Shakespeare in Love
- Groundhog Day
- Lost in Translation
- Underworld
- Tin Cup
- Slapshot
- Phenomenon
- Joe Dirt
- Payback
- Charlie's Angels and/or Mr. & Mrs. Smith (for a little T&A).

I've seen most of them in the last two weeks. I may watch them again today...

Les Miz Therapy

2009-01-08T17:20:00.002-06:00

"My soul belongs to God, I know
I made that bargain long ago
He gave me hope when hope was gone
He gave me strength to carry on"

"Who am I", Les Miserables

Let me just say that I love the musical Les Miserables. Love it. I can sing all of the songs. I've seen it several times and would pay to see it again in a heartbeat. What a deep, rich, inspiring storyline.

When I'm in a deep funk I put it on and listen and sing. It helps. Therapeutically.

I'm not sure if it's enough to pull me out of my current funk, but I'm trying it again. Sing it with me....Who am I? I'm Jean val Jean. When I think of my sons, I sing the hauntingly beautiful "Bring Him Home."

I think I'm working it out in my vivid dreams this week.

- one where I'm getting a divorce
- one very hot sex dream
- one weird but great dream where I was somewhere in Europe selling a motorcycle to get on a cruise ship

Last night was my classic stress dream - where I'm back in college. I have that one a lot. This one had a twist though. I was my current age, taking a business class. I had a low tolerance for the immature college age kids, and their unseriousness. Same for the young lady teaching the course. So, I did my own thing. She got in my face for tuning out and not paying attention, and I took none of it and got back in her face. Just a dream.

Now, back to Les Miserables and the barricades!

House of Trauma

2009-01-04T13:08:00.002-06:00

Okay, I’ve been practicing a self-preservation form of self-deception on here lately it seems.

I’ve been telling myself that the major depressions that I’ve had in December were due to a hatred of the “holidays”. True enough. But, it’s not about what the holidays are. It’s about what the holidays do: force you to spend time with your family 24/7. That’s a problem, being with my family means exposing myself to trauma on a daily basis. That’s depressing.

The trauma of realizing that my wife of 25 years and I have virtually nothing in common and that there’s no chance of fixing that, for one. But that's for another day.

The trauma of our children’s awful and dangerous behavior for another.

I know that everyone has problems with their kids. I know that. I’m not trying to whine or be special. But really, our two boys seem to have a higher level of insanity than most people, hopefully, ever experience and no one sees that side of them but Mrs. SCM and I. We keep it contained in the house. The House of Trauma.

The House of Trauma – a Play in Three Acts:

Scene: interior of a house in the early morning.

- Teen (15 years old), after a two-day binge of house-destroying and parent-defying insanity, wakes up early and begins playing a video game on the family computer in the kitchen.
- Junior (9 years old), after a relatively quiet week, wakes up cranky and feisty and pulls up a chair unnervingly close to Teen.
- Dad, already up and quietly reading on the couch.
- Mom, waking and prepping in the bathroom.

Teen: “Dad, would you tell Junior to get away from me. He’s bothering me.”

Dad: “Junior, get away from Teen and stop bothering him, like you don’t want to be bothered when you’re playing.”

Junior: “Shut up, Dad.”

Dad: “Junior, get up out of your chair and walk away right now.”

Junior: “I said shut up, bitch.”

Dad: “Junior, you cannot talk to your parents that way. You are harming our family with your behavior. Stop it. Get up now and go back to your room”.

Junior (loudly and hysterical): “You stop it, Dad. You’re the one harming our family. Everytime you open your mouth you cause trouble. You stop it. Why don’t you leave you bitch.”

Action: Teen and Junior start aggressively punching each other, with intent to harm.

Dad (bellowing): “GET AWAY FROM EACH OTHER, NOW!!!!!!”

Mom (entering the kitchen hurriedly from the bathroom): “I’m coming, I’m coming! What is going on in here.”

Dad: “Junior is acting up and needs to leave the room now.”

Junior: “You’re acting up, Dad. You need to stop it.”

Action: Junior begins throwing objects at Dad. A shoe. A pencil. A plate. Dad restrains himself, knowing from past experience that if he even touches Junior to remove him to his room it will escalate into an hour-long fit of screaming “You’r eabusing me!” Mom steps between Junior and Dad.

Mom: “Junior, you stop this now! Get on the time out chair.”

Dad (getting in Junior’s face): “You heard her. Close your mouth and get over on that chair.”

Mom (turning on Dad): “WOULD EVERYONE PLEASE JUST STOP?”

Action: Junior screams at mom “Asshole!” and starts physically assaulting her.

Mom: “Stop it now!”

Action: Mom sits on Junior and puts him in a physical restraint taught to us by DCFS during our Foster Parent training. Junior thrashes in her grasp, trying to kick and bite her. Dad keeps hands-off.

Junior: “Let me go or I will kill you, you fucking bitch!”

Dad: “You say that again and I will call the police”

Junior: “I’ll kill you too Dad, you bitch asshole.”

Action: Mom restrains Junior for 30 minutes, enduring invective and assault until Junior finally wears out and stops.

Mom: “Now, get on the time-out chair.”

Dad: “I want him out of this house for the day. He can’t win and be rewarded for this behavior.”

Mom: “How is he being rewarded? He’s going to time-out, and he won’t get on the computer.”

Dad: “He leaves the house or I leave the house.”

Mom: “How does running away make any sense?”

Act II

Action: Dad takes Teen and leaves the house for hours. Hours. Almost checks into a hotel, but instead wanders around town with his phone off.

Dad eventually arrives back home.

Junior meets Dad at the door with a long apology note and a remorseful sad look on his face.

Dad: “I don’t care. Get away from me.”

Action: Dad retreats to the basement for the rest of the day, speaking to no one.

Act III

??????????????????????? What new trauma awaits today?

I Got Your Crazy...

2009-01-02T13:45:00.004-06:00

"you say I'm crazy, I got your crazy" - Britney Spears, "Womanizer"

Wow, it's been quite a roller coaster for me, psychologically, in the last few weeks. The holidays do that to me. And you, my few and faithful readers, get to see behind the curtain of my mind. Raw and mosty unedited. Much more than family or friends ever get to see.

I am who I am. Roughly, in unequal parts: flawed, funny, smart, lazy, selfish, giving, charming, deceitful, inquisitive, cultured, resourceful, respectful, confident, patient, withdrawn, lustful, risk-taking, friendly, religious, stubborn....etc.

But, the holiday are over and life is returning to a normal level of disfunction for me. Which means that I am smiling today and thinking about the future. So, without further ado, more new year’s resolutions off of the top of my head:

- spend focused time with the boys: play, encourage, mentor.

- continue working on the house to make it a positive home environment for the family. Fix all of the broken things that are sapping our will, and re-purpose rooms to make living together smoother.

- Teach one of my sons to play guitar. Not sure which one.

- Read more, and I already read a lot. Read all of the things that I’ve been wanting to that I haven’t gotten to lately. Shakespeare. Darwin vs. Intelligent Design (Johnson, Dembski, and Behe). More Bible. Plays and novels.

- Learn Tai Chi. Okay, this has been on my list for twenty years. This year I am going to do it.

- Lose 25 lbs and be fitter. For my health. This I can do. I need to get back to my Air Force weight.

- Start preparing for the end or the world in 2012, as per the Mayan calendars. Stocking up on food supplies and guns.

- Less politics. This one is hard for a political junkie. But, I need to tune out for the next 8 years or I will have a stroke.

- More music. You can’t have too much.-

I'll stop there, although I'm sure I'll think of more.

Happy New Year, everyone.

P.S. I'm at least partially kidding about the 2012 thing. Just threw that in to see if you were reading closely. Although, the MiddleEast is flaring up and there was a swarm of earthquakes in the Yellowstone Supervolcano caldera last week and...as you were.

Blogging the New Year

2008-12-31T22:33:00.003-06:00

Here I am again. Unexpctedly on the road again in a hotel - away from Mrs. SCM on New Year's Eve! Sad. Very sad.

A hotel with a bar, at least. Happy couples all around me, dancing the night away minutes from the big kiss.

So, with a cold brew in hand and a good view of the sexy girls in party dresses on the dance floor (eye candy!), I'll share New Year's Resolutions:

1. More and better sex and romance:

- of the marital kind preferrably
- romance, because I'm that kind of guy
- sex, because....just because! Good sex. Tender sex. Rough sex. Kinky sex.

I've given that last one some thought in the last two days. Oh, yeah. I have a plan. I'm going to be pushing the boundaries in 2009. It's either going to get better or break. I'm hoping for better. I'm making changes, taking charge. Mrs. SCM does not know what is coming her way, but I'm going to do my damndest to make it a banner year.

2. Ah hell, do you really care what the other 9 are?

Happy New Year's, everyone out there in blogland. You were all awesome in 2008.

Surfing the Sexual Smorgasbord on Craigs List

2008-12-29T03:03:00.002-06:00

Something I like to do when I’m lonely or blue or fruitlessly horny is to surf CraigsList.com, especially the “casual encounters” section.

I’m not talking about using CL to try to actually hook up with another living person or persons for NSA (no strings attached) sex. That’s mostly an exercise in frustration and disappointment. Not that I would know…

I’m talking about surfing CL for amusement and titillation. Sort of a sexual amusement park or a university level sex education. Surf it to watch other people trying to hook up. It’s amateur porn at it’s best. There are some hot pictures of real people on there if you work for it, just a right-click from being in your hidden porn folder. Plus the erotica of people pitching a sexual encounter in just a few lines.

I have two tips for you to enhance your CL surfing experience:

1. Go traveling. Don’t just focus on where you live, although that’s a good starting place. Go bigger. Go exotic. Go to the “cities” column and start picking out big cities that might have hot people in them trying to hook up. Places known for hot bodies and/or sin. Las Vegas of course – I check it weekly. Miami, LA, Orange County next – all featuring a high percentage of the beautiful people. Work your way through Chicago and New York. It’s cheaper than airfare.

2. Open all of the casual encounters categories one by one and explore. Here are some for starters:

a. M4W (men for women): the heart of NSA sex. Lonely men desperate for the hook up. Trying to sell themselves, usually with dick pix and/or promises of great oral ability.

b. W4M (women for men): a sea of enticing but mythical ads. There are no real women looking for NSA sex on CL. Just traps for lonely men, taking them to pay sites.

c. M4M (men for men): Wow. NSA at it’s purest – hookups on the downlow. Tops looking for someone to take their load. Bottoms looking to take them. This section is very real, and has a language all it’s own. Lots of dick pics.

d. W4W (women for women): my favorite surfing zone. Lesbian, bi, and bi-curious women seeking each other. (Pausing while I am imagining them kissing. Yeah. Okay, I’m back). Some fakes here, but they seem mostly real. Femmes and Studs. Two types: women really wanting to lick kitty or have their kitty licked (NO COUPLES, NO MEN!!!), and women that have a man that will join or watch. A few sexy girl pics to be found in the mix.

e. MW4MW (couples for couples): the lifestyle. Swapping, either soft or full. Hot couple pics found here, either clothed or in the act. Penetration pics.

f. MW4W (couples for women): Couples looking for the unicorn – the single sexy female that will swing with them. Either for the wife alone of hubby will join in. If you’re a female willing to be with a couple, the world is your oyster here. You could have a date every night, it seems. Couple pics here, but usually individual of the male and the female. Selling her bi-ness and his package.

g. MW4M (couples for men): This is a mixed bag. Couples wanting an extra straight guy to double team her. Wanting a bi-guy to have contact with him, though more rare. Cuckold men looking for a “bull” for their hot wife. Domme females looking for an extra sub. Not as many pics in this section.

h. W4MW (women for couples): mythical unicorns. Enough said.

i. M4MW (men for couples): men in their 40’s trying to find the NSA sex via a couple, having given up on finding a unattached lady.

j. Exotic categories: I particularly like to look at the m4ww category – hey might as well throw the hail mary pass. If you really want to get out there, try the t4m (tranny for men) category. See if you can find a good picture of a “passable” transvestite or cross-dresser looking to hook up with a guy.

Did I leave anything out?

It’s a veritable sexual smorgasbord on Craigs List. An eye-opener, I think. An education, no doubt. Happy surfing.

A Magnificent Christmas

2008-12-26T00:00:00.002-06:00

One of the best Christmases ever for my family, today - Day 7 of the frozen Crystal City.

My children well behaved. Ecstatic that Santa finally brought their longed-for Wii.

Mrs. SCM face lighting up over small but well thought out gifts.

A dinner with extended family, survived.

Getting laid would have been the topper.

I'm settling for watching my favorite movie after all are in bed: "Shakespeare in Love".

A good day to remember.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-24T22:05:00.002-06:00

Ahhh, the quietness of Christmas Eve. Nice.

I've got all of the presents wrapped. I'm sitting by a beautiful Christmas tree, everyone else in bed already. I've got to fill up some stockings yet, and arrange the gifts under the tree.

Watching my wife and kids light up tomorrow morning and spending a good day together will more than make up for a lot of dark days lately. They are a blessing, and I am grateful for my family.

I am a Christian man, and I realize the reason for the season.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Semi-Funky

2008-12-23T22:50:00.002-06:00

I'm back, for the most part, from the disturbingly deep funk that I dropped into for the last few days. The holidays, some family dynamics, and the never ending icestorm were taking me down.

I appreciate the advice that I got to try anti-depressant medication. I do. My doctor has recommended it, actually. It's not for me though. My thought about it is this: some days depression is the only rational response to my life situation. It's temporary, and I get through it. Snap myself out of it.

It was time today to snap out of it today. I took some steps to feel human again. A long hot soapy shower. Some fresh clean new boxer briefs. A short masculine haircut. Some time outside.

Though I have three more family gatherings in the next two weeks that have the potential to take me down again, I'm optimistic.

I'm up. I'm frisky. Bring it on...

Dateless and Virtual in the Semi-Arctic

2008-12-21T19:22:00.004-06:00

The fucking holidays are wearing me down, as is my family.

I'm no good being around anyone at the moment. I couldn't be more depressed right now, and no one else needs to be taken down by that.

Which is why I have been sitting in my car outside our McDonald's (great WiFi)for the last 3 hours, engine idling to protect against -20 deg windchill, surfing the internet - mostly because I don't want to go home. Pathetic.

Did you know that they play Britney Spear's "Womanizer" about every 20 minutes? Yeah, they do. I'm starting to like it.

I tried to cheer myself up last night by going out to a movie. A good flick, I guess. But, I couldn't help noticing that I was the only one there date-less at a romantic comedy on a Saturday night. It wasn't the first time, won't be the last. Pathetic.

What the fuck went wrong with my life?

I'm a good guy, I think. Flawed, but good on the whole. Trying to be a good husband and father - for all of the good that does me. I'm reasonably handsome. I'm a caring and giving lover. I've taken the time and effort to learn how to please a woman in bed. I'm not a jerk. I'm relatively creative and interesting.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Why can't I have a fulfilling sex life? Is that too much to ask? Really?

Fuck.

I may just sit here in my car all night, or at least until I run out of gas.

I can't pull out of this funk.

HNT - Hiding From the World

2008-12-17T23:47:00.006-06:00

HNT
Originally uploaded by Semi-Celibate Man

Brrrrrr, it's cold outside. Plus, I'm maximum bummed out today.

So, I'm hiding out under my flannel sheets until further notice.

There's extra room under here. Anyone want to join me?

Happy, Half-Nekkid Thursday, everyone.

Now, go see Os.

I need a Hug. A Naked Therapuetic Hug.

2008-12-17T11:51:00.002-06:00

I wish I could write something sexy today. Not in me today.

I'm depressed and craving intimacy today. Not easy things to pull out of.

The Holidays always depress me, starting before Halloween and running all the way through the new year. It's too much demand to be social. I'm not that social. I can't live up to the demands of the season and I always end up letting someone, typically Mrs. SCM, down. I try. I really do. But it wears me down to a nub. I'm there right now. Nubbish.

I've also been having an incredible string of bad luck on the small things. I'm grateful for the big things - like still having my job for one. But the small things are adding up and bumming me out. A computer virus that's relentless. (Death to hackers!) My car broken into and robbed. My car rear-ended. The mental toll is adding up. I'm needing a crawl in bed with a cup of hot chocolate and read a book day. Soon.

To top it off, I'm unusually aware of all of the great women aroud me everywhere everyday.

My wife to start, who has a great tush. I was noticing that again the other day. Not much happening in the romance departmnent this week, mostly because of the damn busy season.

Co-workers. Good God how many good looking women there are where I work now! It's unfair, to not be able to do anything about that.

Horny and depressed at the same time is not a good thing.

I'm craving some restorative intimacy. Or some rocking sex. I want both - I'll take either.

The Equalizer

2008-12-07T23:30:00.003-06:00

I'm constantly amazed by this internet thingy - how it equalizes us all out in the best possible way.

An example, from this week:

I signed up on Classmates.com a while back, mainly to RSVP for a class reunion and also to see if I could contact my high school friend and college roommate to see where he wound up. I haven't been very active on that site. A little surfing to see who I might recognize. But, I'm not trying to meet people or chat on there.

I have an email capability on there, which I'm barely aware of. In fact, I've received emails on there from only two people.

One, from the aforementioned roomie who - it turns out - is still as irritating as he was when I lived with him.

And two, last week out of the blue from the class Goddess! I believe that I clicked on her profile and it must have registered a visit. So, she emailed me.

I was thunderstruck. This was a girl who was WAY out of my league in HS. She was gorgeous, although that word is inadequate. She had an ethereal beauty and a high-intensity smile. And she definitely had an "unobtainable" quality about her. She wasn't a "hottie" as I understand them now - that word is too crass for her. Not a cheerleader. She didn't even run around with the popular crowd. She was above them even, in a class by herself. She was aware of my existence, and that was enough for me in a school of almost 4000.

Ever since then, if I had an occassion to open a Year Book and look up some friends I would make sure to go by her picture. "Wonder what happened to her?", I would think.

Now I know. She has a good and quiet life in another part of the country, with a hubby and kids. She has a good stable job that I would never have guessed her in. And she comes home once a year to see family. She seems to be happy with where life has taken her, though with some small regrets.

How do I know? Because she's emailed me now a few times. She remembers me, and seems to like me.

As it turns out, we're both just people. Equals, at least on the internet. And that is a really cool thing.

From Famine to Feast!

2008-12-02T00:29:00.001-06:00

Four times. In two weeks. Really.

That's like an annual record for us lately.

The woman cannot keep her hands off of me. Not that I'm complaining.