Room to Grow

Really, Is This Blog Still Active?

2009-11-08T20:15:00.000-08:00

Yes.

I've recently been inspired to get back into the blog world. Not that I have been very far away anyways....

I don't think it's a secret anymore that my company is very interested in participating in social media. And since I'm in charge of marketing for one of the businesses, and I have a history of participating in social media, I have been working on getting things going within my company. For the business I cover, I even have a Twitter account and there will be much more activity coming in November and December. It's sort of a secret so I can't say much more.

(And I must apologize for all of my friends who I "blocked" on my Twitter account. I originally set-up the account to learn more about Twitter but then had to morph it into my corporate account. And because I wanted to get an accurate "follower" count due to what I am doing at work I wanted to delete the personal stuff.)

So, I've been around but not in the adoption world. I miss blogging about life post-adoption. We have some good stories around this house and without documentation my small brain will surely forget them. So I need to keep going here.

Another inspiration for the blog rebirth is another adoptive mom who I met at our agency picnic a few weeks back. Turns out she was a long time reader of this blog (during her adoption) and although she didn't know us before the picnic ... recognized us at the picnic! How cool is that?! I love how blogging starts and maintains friendships with people it would be impossible to connect with in real life.

ps. I am working with Elle to figure out what is going on with the graphics so please bear with me.

Sigh

2009-07-08T23:14:00.000-07:00

Today's incident involved Rita throwing a pine cone at a boy at surf camp. Because he told her not to look at a boy who was changing (or something like that). And then they started arguing about whose surfboard is longer. Apparently Rita thinks hers (which really isn't hers ... it belongs to the camp) is longer. So he called her a baby. And then she threw a pine cone at him. Not sure where you find a pine cone on the beach but apparently that's what happened. Oh, and BTW the pine cone didn't hit him.

June, Why Did You Go By So Quick?

2009-07-04T16:37:00.000-07:00

School finished the third week of June. We now have a 3rd grader! Rita finished her second grade year with a pretty good report card. Most of her academic marks have moved from below basic to basic or proficient. By April, Rita had finished her 1st grade math workbook and the teacher started testing her at the 2nd grade level. Most weeks she was earning 70-80% on those tests. The teacher has given us the 2nd grade math workbook to go through this summer so she can continue to practice at a higher level.

We have also asked her reading teacher to spend some time with her this summer. Starting in a week, Rita will go to her house 2x per week for reading, reading comprehension and writing lessons. We have been supplementing her lessons with a reading list and she's reading at the 1st-2nd grade level. We are very happy with her progress this year.

The areas where she needs the biggest improvement is in self control and playing socially with her classmates. She gets very competitive and will act out if she doesn't get her way. She also likes to boss little kids around. We've seen it ourselves and we are trying to bring attention to it and teach her the right way to deal with things. It's harder to deal with it when it happens at school. The details from the teachers are sketchy, and at times it seems like she is being provoked but whenever it happens, it ends in a tantrum and sometimes she yells and/or kicks the other kids. The teachers usually sends her to the office to "cool off".

Now that school is over we are enjoying the summer weather. Rita goes to summer camps at the Y during the day. She's taking swimming, surfing, soccer, softball and gymnastics this summer. We have been having "girls day" or "girls night" and going to SeaWorld. I love that Rita loves SeaWorld so much. I remember going there will my family and loving it. Instead of a doctor, Rita now wants to swim with the dolphins when she grows up. (Just like me!)

Another fun summer thing are our evening walks with Thani. We have been going out for a family walk and visiting neighbors most nights.

For Father's Day we took a short roadtrip to a local conservation garden to check out options for our garden. With California's water shortage issues, we are considering replacing some of our grass and palm trees with native plants. It was a beautiful place!

The Search For The Perfect Peep-Toe Pump (In Black Patent Leather)

2009-06-07T21:01:00.001-07:00

My journey for the perfect peep-toe pump started on Saturday evening at Nordstrom's. I discovered these Stuart Weitzman patent leather pumps on the clearance rack at 1/2 off or $156. I wasn't planning to get patent leather - I just need some black dress shoes suitable for summer - but there were so many options in patent leather I tried some on and loved the look. I liked these because they are dressy, but they could be dressed down casual due to the chunky heel. I didn't get them because I couldn't find a pair that had heels with similar grain and color. For $156 (originally $315), I expected them to be paired better and to spend that much they had to be perfect. (I tried two other pairs at Nordstrom's but I wasn't loving them ... so I moved on.)

On Sunday morning, I started my online search. I found these Calvin Klein peep-toe pumps on zappos.com. I love these because they have a nice squared-off heel and toe. They didn't come in black patent leather but I decided to give them a shot. The only disadvantage is the heel ... it's a bit higher than I would prefer (especially for work). I ordered them anyways ($88) and they will get here this week.

Not completely satisfied, I decided to try the local Marshall's. Jackpot! They had TONS of shoes on clearance including tons of black patent leather shoes. I picked up these Guess pumps for $36!

I also found a pair of Tahari black patent leather peep-toe pumps with a squared-off front and 2 1/2 or 3 inch heel. Perfect for work. I bought these as well because they were only $29. I couldn't find of pic of these for the blog which is too bad because they are the best pair so far.

So now I have THREE pairs! If I like the Calvin Klein shoes, the plan is to take back the Guess pumps so I will have a pair of higher and shorter heels ... and in matte and patent leather finish.

Verdict - A successful shopping weekend (without spending TOO much).

Busy Busy May

2009-05-31T17:53:00.000-07:00

Finally, it's May! Rita had been asking about her birthday and counting down the months and days since her last birthday. This year, we had a smaller party with about 15 children over from her class, Indian Princess (daddy-daughter camping) and the neighborhood. Since I was traveling the week before her birthday (NYC for a work conference), Michael prepared everything! We had pigs-in-a-blanket, mac & cheese, veggies and cake (decorated by Aunt Kristin). Michael organized the games too ... yarn dolls and tie-dyed t-shirts. It was a great Sunday afternoon!

On the night of Rita's birthday, we went out for dinner. Rita had a cheeseburger (one of her favorites) and a little fried ice cream dessert.

And then it was present time from her family.

Rita received a card and two beautiful books from her Great Aunt Tam and Uncle Steve. Grandpa Green sent some cash. (Rita's thank you card to Grandpa ... "Dear Grandpa, Thank you for the birthday card and money. I like your money. ....")

Cousins Ben and Amanda sent a Hannah Montana "make your own" necklace set and microphone. Can you tell she likes to sing?

Cousins Tim and Melinda sent a huge package with games for the pool, water balloons, and a Family Feud video game. We always love packages from Lucas and Lilly because they even decorate the OUTSIDE of the package!

Our special gift to Rita was a silver & pearl heart necklace. Margarita means pearl. I got this for her between Trips #1 and #2 and was going to give this to her after court. But I didn't because she wasn't ready for it, and her English (or my Russian) wasn't good enough to make it meaningful. It was cool because she gets it now and knows what being a family means.

We also gave her money. We are going to open her a bank account and start practicing being responsible with money, ie. spend some / save some. You can also see a peek of the Hello Kitty purse I picked up in NYC for her. (I think I like it more than her. Maybe I will borrow it?)

Birthday week continued for Kristin's birthday. We had the traditional family fare along with Auntie Mary's homemade chocolate cake.

On Mother's Day, Rita and I spent the afternoon having lunch and shopping in Santa Monica.

We met up with our good friend "Uncle Eric" for dinner at the Farmer's Market, next to The Grove. If you know me on Facebook, you'll know that we saw Drew Barrymore and Justin Long.

The following weekend, we went camping outside of Temecula. It was "family camp" for the Indian Princesses. The mom's came for Saturday night so the guys could have their Friday night fun. Thani came with me too.

The farewell session at camp. Isn't she cute?

Award Time

2009-05-30T01:06:00.000-07:00

R's school promotes good "character traits" throughout the school year and May is "Perseverance" month. Students who excel in exhibiting the particular traits are chosen to have lunch with the principal and guess what - this month R was chosen!

I can not argue with this one. They've got her figured out!

Questions Questions Questions

2009-05-27T20:57:00.000-07:00

Ever feel like you are being constantly bombarded with questions? That's me. R will ask questions the minute she wakes up until minute she falls asleep. She asks questions while brushing her teeth, going the bathroom and watching TV. The TV one really annoys me because we can't watch anything without her asking why someone or something is doing this or that. It's a neverending test of my mental endurance these days.

She's also been asking some really interesting questions. Like, "What was my last name in Russia?" or "Why don't you still use my Russian last name?" I've been giving her the information she requests and then I remind her that when she became part of our family she received our last name. Just like when I married her dad I stopped using my last name and now go by our family name. She seems to accept this explanation but then will ask the same questions again every few days. Today she asked why we don't have her use both last names (ie. her Russian last name as her middle name) and also how to spell her Russian last name.

She also asked me whether it is OK to miss Russia. I said "Of course!" and asked her what she misses about Russia. She says it's the food ... she misses her "macaroni soup". I have asked her many times what macaroni soup was like and she says it's macaroni in a milk and cheese. I've confirmed many times that the recipe doesn't have any meat or vegetables. Anyone heard of this, or do you think this is a detsky dom special?

She's A Writer

2009-05-21T21:56:00.000-07:00

Lately, Rita has been writing us notes during her afterschool program. I think this writing thing with her started because they put together "family books" at school - and so they have been writing about their families alot over the last two weeks. It also explains all of the questions she has been asking. The family books turned out great - we just received ours tonight at the school Open House. I'll try to share the book in another post.

Her letters are short and really cute and so loving so I thought I would share a couple of them.

Daer Mom
I love you so much because you the best and smart. I like when you walk the dog and dinner. I like to swim with you. I love you mam. You cool. Bot you and I are best friends. You love me I love you back. Sometime we go to dinner because I love you.

and

Dear Mom and Dad
I love you so much. Becaus yo are cool and fun to play I like wolking the dog because I miss you so much I lik when you make dinner and lounch thank you for the nicle that I got and you dad I love you dad because you take me to medoco place and I miss you so much thank you to. I love you. Thank you for the presents. Love Rita

Did you notice that we are "Mom" and "Dad" now? Sometimes Dad is "Daddy" but we aren't Mama and Papa anymore! :(

OK, We're Back

2009-05-19T22:19:00.000-07:00

I'm happy to say that my blog is back and I'm going to stay public. Hopefully this isn't one of those fake promises that drives Elle nuts.

Tonight is TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW that I haven't had to fire up the work computer. Part of my absence has been due to my crazy work commitments ... putting in an hour or so (or three) after 9PM when Rita goes to bed. All of my pics are stored on my personal computer so that's been an excuse too. All other nights I'm usually asleep in my daughter's bed (with Thani too) - completely wiped out from exhaustion.

I've decided to blog about the stories of our family to keep our friends and family updated. And to have a journal for myself and Rita. I've also noticed that since I stopped blogging I have stopped taking photos. That's sad. I need a better work-life balance and I plan to use this blog to help me do so.

So I'll be seeing you in Blogland.

Dilemma

2009-05-16T00:55:00.000-07:00

I am trying to figure out the next phase for this blog. I'm either going to:

Continue blogging about the day to day events of our family. This has been great to keep our friends & family connected with our daily lives. OR
Go private and maybe post on more personal subjects.

Hmmm, I'll make a decision this weekend for sure.

Interview With Rita

2009-03-07T12:22:00.000-08:00

All About Mama
By Rita (Age 7)

1. What is something mama always says to you?
I love you.

2. What makes mama happy?
Of me listening.

3. What makes mama sad?
Of me don't listen. If I punch Thani.

4. How does your mama make you laugh?
My mom tickles me.

5. What was your mama like as a child?
I don't know.

6. How old is your mama?
36. 36. 36.

7. How tall is your mama?
Like taller than me.

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
To go shopping.

9. What does your mama do when you're not around?
She goes work. Like when I'm at school.

10. If your mama becomes famous, what will it be for?
For cooking dinner.

11. What is your mama really good at?
She's a really good at walking the dog.

12. What is your mama not very good at?
She's not good at playing soccer.

13. What does your mama do for her job?
She helps people - what's your real job?

14. What is your mama's favorite food?
My mom's favorite food is hot dog and chicken.

15. What makes you proud of your mama?
I'm proud of my mama when my mom loves me so much.

16. If your mama were a cartoon character, who would she be?
She would be mouse cartoon character.

17. What do you and your mama do together?
We go walk the dog.

18. How are you and your mama the same?
Oh. We do the same things together like I help mama cut the potatoes and you cook.

19. How are you and your mama different?
We are different because when I actually play with my dog and my mom works on the computer.

20. How do you know your mama loves you?
Because she gives me kisses.

21. Where is your mama's favorite place to go?
Oh my mom's favorite place to go is to go shopping and to go Target.

Vignettes a la Rita

2009-02-16T19:44:00.000-08:00

1. My Happy New Year Plans by Rita (school project)

Here are my plans for the year that's new.

There are lots of things that I want to do!
Ice skating

Here's a place I want to go...
Florida (we are going to Florida for Spring Break)

Here's someone I'd like to know...
Barack Obama

I'd like to try to help someone...
My teacher Mrs. S

I'd like to learn this thing for fun!
Horseback riding

2. Rita's career plans

Lately, Rita's been talking alot about what she wants to be when she is older. Previously, she has told us that she wants to be a doctor. So I've been encouraging that choice ... I was surprised the other day when she told me that she wanted to be an artist. So she explained the following ...

"When I am 30 I will be a doctor. When I am 20 I want to be an artist. When I am 10 I want to be a surfer."

I can live with these plans.

3. What would you do with $100? (school project)

"I what to go shopping with one hundred-dollars I will byw a dog I will take him home. I will have fun with him and I love my dog I have fun with my dog"

4. Letter to papa after breakfast mishap

"Dear papa
I sre I did not no I pat the appls en the gobch I love you so much"

Translated ...

"Dear papa
I am sorry I did not know I put the apples in the garbage I love you so much"

Work has slowed down and life is back to normal. I'll be back to write about the last couple months later this week! Missed ya!

The Christmas Post

2009-01-18T07:23:00.000-08:00

The long drive to pick up the tree ... about 2 miles to our nearby Target.

Rita "hugging" the Christmas tree. Funny, she did this many times through the Christmas season.

More hugging.

Rita asks for very few things. Usually it's a food thing - mac & cheese, hamburgers or Chuckee Cheese (yes, I admit it, she's been two times). A couple weeks before Christmas, she also asked for "the hat that Santa Claus wears". Apparently, it was cool to wear these during recess at school.

Rita at Chuckee Cheese, showing off her prizes.

Still wearing Chuckee necklace, dressed up to go to a choir concert at our neighbor's church.

The Sioux Tribe (Rita's daddy-daughter YMCA camping club) went Christmas caroling at an assisted living facility. Here are their outfits.

Making the sugar cookies.

Making the gingerbread cookies with Aunt Kristin.

Visiting with Santa Claus at Fashion Valley.

I hope he is saying "listen to your mom this year".

Putting together cookie plates for our neighbors.

Christmas eve dinner. I have the same photo last year, only without Rita. This year, the meal was simple ... Spaghetti and meat sauce, garlic bread and salad.

Christmas eve. Rita getting her Christmas ornament from Pskov. (When we were traveling, I collected enough ornaments from Pskov and Moscow so that every Christmas eve we will have a new ornament to place on the tree representing her home country.)

Rita getting her Snegurochka doll. I picked this up on Trip #1 last year.

Kristin's Christmas eve tradition (started by our Aunt Tam) is to get the girls Christmas pajamas. Here we are!

The Christmas tree fully decorated with the gifts.

Rita's Christmas gifts from Santa Claus on Christmas morning.

Rita in her Christmas dress from Grandma and her Nutcracker book from Aunt Tam.

Rita with more gifts from Grandma.

Rita opening her American Girl doll from Grandma.

Rita with her Barbie's from Cousins Ben and Amanda.

We were lucky to have Uncle Rich out here for two weeks over Christmas. Rita loved to go running with him.

December Wrap-Up

2009-01-04T09:16:00.000-08:00

The last time I posted, I was wrestling with a turkey and eating too much ice cream.

We've had a cold, rainy, busy, exciting, and challenging December. I've had a few days off over Christmas and New Years to process everything and muster the energy to tell you all about it.

The month started off with Rita's report card (long awaited reply to Rachael's post about Katya). As expected, Rita is testing below basic proficiency for reading, reading comprehension, and language. She's proficient for penmanship, visual and performing arts, technology, physical education and listening (what?!). Everything else (math, history/social science and science) she is testing in between ("basic"). I was most interested in seeing how she was doing with what they call "life skills and work habits". Here's how she did -

Outstanding - Completes & returns homework on time (I'm going to take credit for this)

Satisfactory - Listens to, follows directions, works independently, completes quality assignments, demonstrates organizational skills, works cooperatively with positive attitude, displays good sportsmanship, resolves conflicts with peers, communicates ideas clearly, participates and contributes to discussions, identifies problems and makes appropriate choices, behaves with courtesy and respect, avoids needless talking

Needs to improve - shows self control

All in all, a really good report. No surprises except she is doing better than we thought~

Then, the following week started two weeks of work craziness. My company finalized an acquisition at the end of November and the re-organization started. We had to lay-off a few people in our department. It wasn't as many as I anticipated but it was hard none-the-less. In the process I ended up with a new group, more direct reports, a new boss, and a promotion. So I will be having to spend more time working but it's the job I've been working towards for the last two years. It's funny that this happened this year, the year that I took off three months ... worked less hours ... and focused on my family ... that things also worked out at work. I'm thinking good karma finally worked in my favour.

Onto our other family member - Lena. She's been having a tough time adjusting to her school and life overall (community, our family) in America. We've been trying to work with her (and her agency coordinator) to get her through the first few months. Understandably, students go through a period of homesickness. Since August, not much as improved and we are thinking that alot of her struggles may be her personality, (bad) attitude, and social skills (on top of the homesickness). The first issue is school. She doesn't like doing homework (being accountable ... apparently in Russia she could "talk her way" out of doing things), some of her classes, and the kids at school.

Because of this, she has made very limited friendships. Like none ... only another Russian exchange student at her school that she has done things with five times ... Apparently, she has also had some of the same adjustment issues. Lena's only social outlet is doing things with us. And talking to her Russian friends on the internet. So it's been hard ... being the social director for a 7-year old and a 16-year old. She also isn't doing her community service requirements and has a million excuses for not doing so ("Those kids aren't needy enough", "I already know how to take care of animals", "I don't want to pick up litter (on the beach)").

This is particularly frustrating to me because we expected an outgoing, participatory, engaging exchange student. She is getting a monthly stipend by the U.S. government to be here (that she gladly accepts) and has mostly negative things to say about her school, classmates, America, etc. After another conversation in December about her not liking any kids in her school ("not intellectual enough") we talked with her local coordinator (again) and they have decided to move her to a different school & family. That was a hard conversation to have with her.

We are hoping that after the holidays, when the Spring semester is starting up, she will be moved and able to have a fresh start. Anyone want an exchange student from Russia?

Whew. So once those conversations were over we had another SST (student study team) for Rita with the principal, teacher and counselors at school. They think she is doing wonderful and will continue her services through the Spring semester. We are also waiting for some standardized testing results to see how she is doing on her english skills. Her services include:

Every morning (Mon-Thurs) for 30-min a language specialist helps Rita get started with her schoolwork
Midday (Mon-Thurs) for 30-min Rita goes to the reading specialist for one-on-one help
Mondays Rita goes to "A Time for Kids" ... 30-minutes of playtime at the school. It's a program that supposedly helps kids talk about what is going on at school, makes them feel comfortable at school, gives them one-on-one time to build confidence
Mondays after school she has a study buddy from the high school for 1.5 hours.
The school has purchased some special computer software that Rita works on that helps her learn English during computer time

So we are very happy with her school and her progress. One area we have asked the school to focus on next semester is her socialization. We are worried that she isn't making enough friends because we see her playing alone in the mornings and afternoons. She has made comments that she thinks she sounds like a boy when she is talking (apparently a kid told her that so she believes it) and I think she is shy to talk to kids because of her english. (We can understand her just fine but I think that kids sometimes have a hard time understanding her so they shy away from playing with her.)

We also need to work on her sportsmanship. Because Rita always wants to win, she will get angry / mad / sad if she doesn't win. This sometimes turns into a temper tantrum, or (mild) rage against her competitor or teacher. This typically happens after school during her after school program.

So school and work starts again for everyone tomorrow. Hopefully it won't be as crazy as December but I think it will ...

Next up, a post about our first Christmas together~

Happy New Year

2009-01-01T16:08:00.001-08:00

A new post is coming soon ... life is a bit crazy right now ... but we'll be back soon!

Weekend Hike And Blizzard

2008-12-03T22:48:00.000-08:00

I love these pictures of Thani! Doesn't he look happy? Last weekend, we took a short trip to Missi*n Hills Regional Park for a hike and look around. The cool thing about MH is that dogs are allowed on all of the trails... so we could bring Thani with us for the afternoon. After our hike, Rita had a good idea ... "Let's have ice cream for snack!". So we headed over to the nearest D*iry Queen and got a couple of blizzards. 'Cos you know we aren't going to see any real blizzards out here anytime soon! ;-)

A Christmas Story

2008-11-29T23:10:00.000-08:00

Over Thanksgiving dinner, we talked a little bit about the upcoming Christmas holiday.

I think it was Sara (a friend of my sister) who said ... "So Rita, this will be your first Christmas ... are you excited?"

And Rita said "I've had Christmas before. In Russia."

And so we asked her what she did for Christmas last year.

She said that they sang Christmas songs and danced around a Christmas tree. And they got some candy. "Just candy?" we asked. "Yes, some candy."

She was so sweet, innocent, matter-of-fact and unaware of all of the typical hoopla which surrounds the holiday. (Which is good actually!)

(sigh) I had to leave the table because I was going to loose it.

So I heated up some caramel sauce for dessert.

I forget sometimes that Rita hasn't always been with us, and up until 9 months ago, she lived in the Children's Home.

I think back over the six years she was there - and what I have done over that same time - and can't believe she was living - without parents - that whole time.

I wish I could turn back the clock and so we could have found her earlier. (sigh)

Thanksgiving Preparations Updated

2008-11-27T23:24:00.000-08:00

Step 1 - Pick up turkey on Monday evening.

Step 2 - Put in fridge and pray that turkey thaws by Wednesday.

Step 3 - Tuesday evening, gather ingredients and purchase 20L bin for brining process. This one is Tupperw*re with a lid found at Targ*t. This brining thing is new to me - I followed this recipe recommended by Elle.

Step 4 - Appoint sous chef.

Step 5 - Wednesday evening - make brine and refrigerate. Wash turkey, add chilled brine and iced water to bin.

Step 6 - Put in fridge overnight and pray that new bin doesn't leak brine all over fridge.

Step 7 - Prepare "aromatics" for inside turkey (onion, apple, cinammon sticks, thyme and rosemary). Steep in microwave for five minutes.

Step 8 - Rinse turkey and insert aromatics. Put in oven for 30 minutes at 500F.

Update on sous chef. (Sleeping on the dining room floor.)

Step 9 - Cover turkey with foil and insert thermometer. Bake for 2 hours at 350F.

Sous chef has moved to sofa to sleep.

Step 10 - Remove turkey from oven and voila! Looks pretty good.

Rita gets ready for her first Thanksgiving dinner.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Verdict on turkey: It was good. Since it was one of those free range, happy birds I think the texture was better than your standard grocery store bird. The flavor was good as well but I didn't think the brining made a big difference. Maybe I didn't brine long enough? The recipe calls for 6 hours to overnight. Mine was in the brine for 25 hours. There's always Christmas for another trial run ...

Metcha Day 2008

2008-11-26T23:20:00.000-08:00

Today marks our one year anniversary meeting Rita!

Here is some never before posted footage of our first morning with Rita. This was about an hour after we met - the first time we took out the cameras. We had just met with the social worker and children's home director to learn Rita's story; and then Rita was examined by Dr. L. Then they left us to get to know each other better.

(I am still learning how to edit and post video so the quality is really poor. And the music - well - I was feeling pretty nostalgic when I put this together last night at 1AM.)

First afternoon family photo.

Family photo taken today - one year later.

If you are new to this blog and want to read about getting our referral for Rita, and our most exciting posts from Trip #1, please see the link below.

Referral and Trip #1 posts.

I Am Thankful For ...

2008-11-25T23:09:00.000-08:00

The happy family I have

Having a friend Rebecca who plays with me

A swimming pool to swim in

Nice family who loves to have a daughter

Kids to play with

School and learning

Good dog and cat for my pets

I love my family

Very kind mom

I like macaroni and cheese

Nice smart dad

Good friends

by Rita K#**%
(in cursive, of course)

2nd grade school project 2008

Some Craziness For You

2008-11-24T23:05:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've posted some real drama. Not that we don't have any ... we definitely have it going on over here ... but I've been thinking about what and how to say things. There are some things that I would like to share but I'm not sure who is reading the blog these days. So I'm thinking about going private but we will see. I am also wasting alot of time and keeping myself amused on Facebook so maybe I'll use that tool to vent. I just signed up about six months ago and it's been fun finding long lost friends from high school and my stint in the UK.

But here is the drama I will share. Rita's going through another testing phase. Or something. I find it hard to determine whether her thoughts and actions are typical, or adoption-related and/or could be a signal of a bigger problem. I don't think what's going on is of the "bigger problem" variety. I think she's acting out for attention and reassurance; perhaps regressing as she's getting more comfortable at home and at school.

1. Both at home and at school Rita has been alot more emotional. She will cry if she doesn't get her way ... and sometimes the cries will turn into a tantrum. She's cried over not getting to sit in the bean bag chair during reading time at her after school program; and not getting the top bunk for the first night of her camping trip to Camp Marston. She gets very upset if she isn't first for something or doesn't win when she's playing a game. This crying thing is very interesting to me because up until this point, Rita hasn't really cried that much. When we first brought her home she would cry but there wouldn't be tears and it was almost like she was going through the motions and sounds of crying. The emotion and tears are real now.

2. Rita has said a few times over the last few weeks - "you aren't my mom" or "you aren't my dad". In Indianapolis during her bedtime routine (after the party she didn't want to go to bed so it was a struggle) she said "you aren't my mom... you are just some lady". I was surprised (and hurt) but quick to answer back "So I'm your fake mom then? No way. I'm your real mom and will be forever - so you are going to have to deal with it". She says these things when she is tired or in the process of going to timeout. Perhaps this is forshadowing for some lovely teenage years!

3. Rita is also using the word "kill" when she doesn't get her way. In a fit of anger (usually when she is getting disciplined, or something isn't going her way) she'll say "I want to kill you (or "them" or "Thani")". Can you say, red flag alert! Holy moly I was freaked out the first time Michael said that she said this. So, we have asked her what she means. And we learned that she doesn't really know what "kill" means. Maybe she picked this up at school? She doesn't appreciate the severity of the word, and usually says this when she's mad at something like the cars driving too slow (go faster Mama!!) - or getting disciplined - or having to wait in line. So we have been coaching her that she has to say that she is angry and/or upset and has to explain why. Kill isn't the appropriate word. Also, we've been trying to downplay our reaction when she says the word "kill" because after a few times (during discipline) it seemed like she said it to get our attention and to throw us off base. Because we would freak out when she said this. She's very good at that ... diverting attention.

Besides all of this somewhat freaky stuff, Rita has been great! I've reached a new phase of love, confidence and comfort being her mother. Despite her three year old tantrums - oh, I forgot to mention - that she is not doing very good at listening to us these days (time outs are back in fashion) - she's great to be around. I look forward picking her up from camp and spending the whole weekend with her. She's been gone all weekend with M for their father-daughter camping weekend which happens 1X per month. She came home at lunchtime and gave me the biggest hug ever! And the last two nights she let me hold her and cuddle her as she went to sleep. She's happy and sweet and adorable and the best thing ever. Except for #1 through #3.

Trip to Indianapolis

2008-11-12T21:37:00.000-08:00

The two year old birthday girl Lilly opening presents with mom Melinda and dad Tim (my cousin). (Yes, that's Rita rolling around on the floor.)

Rita with her Great Grandpa. Grandpa is the second husband of my Russian Grandmother who passed away three years ago this December. Grandma was the first person we told in September 2005 that we were going to adopt a little girl (or two) from Russia.

Rita with my cousin Eric, and his nephew Lucas (3 year old son of Tim and Melinda).

Rita with my cousin Ben, and his mother (my father's sister) Tam. And that doggie head ... that's Wrigley. I think he's a RR-mix like his cousin Thani!

Rita at the birthday party with Lilly and Lucas. Cake time!

After much waiting and indecision, Rita and I hopped on a plane and went to Indianapolis for Lilly's birthday party. I haven't been able to take vacation from work because we have been working on an acquisition at work but was given the "all clear" at the end of October to take one day and make the trek home. This was the first time my family got to meet Rita. It was neat to finally share with them our little girl.

We arrived late Friday night. Rita did great on the plane going out - especially since I had the help of Kristin who came out to join the party. On Saturday, we prepared for the party while Rita played with the bazillion toys of Lucas and Lilly. She was in heaven! The party was a hit ... good food and the zoo-themed birthday cakes.

On Sunday, we went out for a big breakfast and then spent a couple hours at the Indianapolis Children's Museum. It was really a cool place. I signed up for information on a family archaeological dig in South Dakota this summer. That sounds like so much fun to me. After the museum, we said our goodbyes to Aunt Tam and Cousins Eric, Ben and Amanda (Ben's wife). We hug out the rest of the afternoon at Tim and Melinda's ... and ended our trip with a stop at Culver's ... my all-time favorite place for turtle sundaes.

Then we headed home on a night flight. Not-so fun people on the flight to Minneapolis who didn't appreciate having to travel in the vicinity a 7-year old. Then a fun flight to San Diego ... we sat by a band just coming off a 10 city tour. They shared their french fries and allowed Rita to stretch out a little bit and sleep.

I think we were in Indy for only 44 hours but it was so worth it!

More pictures of the party can be seen on Melinda's blog.

So She Voted No On Prop 8...

2008-11-12T21:35:00.000-08:00

A couple of funny stories from the last few weeks...

On the way to the pumpkin patch, Katy Pery's "I Kissed @ Girl" song came on and Rita said, "Is this a girl or boy singing?". We said it was a girl. Her facial reaction was very funny - she was totally confused. And then she asked why would a girl want to kiss another girl? I think I said something about how they were just joking around and it's nice to kiss and hug other people.
Rita has been interested about babies again. She asks me if I have (or had) a baby in my stomach. (Reason #567 for exercising.) I tell her that I don't/didn't want a baby in my stomach ... that we wanted to find a little girl in Russia to be our daughter and be part of our family. Rita also asks about our wedding, and she knows that she was four years old when we got married. She asks why we didn't know her when she was a baby, or when she was four years old. I told her that we had to get married before we could go to find her in Russia.
Rita also asks about how a baby comes out during childbirth. She thought it was through the belly button. So I explained to her that there are three holes "down there" and explained the function of each ("one for pee, one for poo, and one for babies"). She wanted to check things out for herself because she didn't think she had one for a baby. I told her to hold off on the probing and that I would show her a picture (cartoon) on the internet the next day. She didn't remember the next day, but it did come up again late last week. So we had a brief anatomy session.

Luckily she hasn't asked about how the baby gets there in the first place!

Halloween

2008-11-02T09:19:00.000-08:00

We've been waiting anxiously for Halloween. Rita has been off of school for the last two weeks for Fall inservice, so her school party was on October 17.

When we were out shopping for Halloween costumes at the beginning of October, we found a pair of gorgeous butterfly wings that Rita loved (well, I loved them ... and talked them up until she loved them). We bought the wings and then went looking for her "body". I found this outfit at Target (gasp! I intended to make something but this was a much simpler solution) that matched the wings perfectly.

This is Rita getting ready for school. In the end, she didn't wear her wings to school because they would be too heavy, bulky (and probably destroyed) for all day wear.

Luckily, it was a warm day so she could just wear a tank top under her dress. Instead of having to wear a winter coat which happened many times when I was growing up in Wisconsin!

Rita at her school in the butterfly garden.

Fast forward - this picture is taken on Friday ... Halloween at 4PM. Since I was traveling for work all week - and I wanted to participate in Rita's first Halloween pumpkin carving - we didn't get to carve our pumpkins until just before going out for Trick-or-Treating.

It took some coaxing, but she was game to dig in and get messy.

All dressed up for Halloween with the big wings. (Aren't they cool?) I went out dressed up as a black cat.

Polina and Rita by the front gate. Polina dressed up as a goth witch and went trick-or-treating with another exchange student from Russia who lives nearby and then joined us later in the evening.

Polina with her pumpkin.

My sister (aka evil queen) and her friend Sarah (aka evil witch) joined the trick-or-tricking festivities around our neighborhood. This is a pic in front of a house around the corner. Yes, that's a scarecrow mooning with his pumpkin bum.

Admiring the candy haul at 9:30PM. We stayed out about 2.5 hours and canvassed the whole neighborhood. It was a great time!

Bates Nut Farm 2008

2008-10-26T22:00:00.000-07:00