JAMES HAWK SMITH

2009-05-09T12:20:00.003-05:00

I miss you, Hawk. I miss you a lot. I miss your beautiful smile, your joyous infectious laughter. We got tickled just watching you laugh. I miss telling you bedtime stories. The three little pigs and the three bears. It wasn't Goldilocks and the three bears--it was Hawk and most of his family going to the 3 bears house. He would name all of the people he wanted the story to be about. It usually included most of his family. I miss your incredible energy and your enthusiasm for life. The love you had for everyone. When I would come to daycare to get you and you would be at the end of hall and you would see me. You would have a huge smile on your face and your would yell "nannie" as loud as you could and run to me. And if you had just seen me the day before, you would do this. Thank you, Hawk for all of the incredible LOVE and memories you left us. You have no idea how precious you were to our family. Today we watched movies of you taken the last week you were here. It was the first time we have watched them. Pa Pa and I cried. We love and miss you so much. I would love to hold you again, to hear you say, "I love you, nannie" again, to watch you run and laugh and play with your little sister. Skyla doesn't talk about you very much now, she was too little to remember you. But I tell her about you all of the time. I hate it that she and Brooke won't remember you. Breanna misses you so much. She talks about you all of the time. Both of you were so close. I know you know this, but Breanna and Brooke send balloons to you all of the time.

I'm posting about the other precious children who have or have had DIPG and other cancer and it is bringing so many painful memories of going through it with Hawk. It will never go away. There will never be a day that we won't miss you, our precious little grandson.

We love you Hawk. It was not in our power to keep you here, but it was in our power to love you and cherish you and to cherish your memory.
We will always love you and miss you, our precious little grandson.

2009-02-13T13:49:00.001-06:00

It has been 2 years (Feb. 4) since Hawk left us. We miss him so much.

2008-12-02T22:51:00.002-06:00

We miss you Hawk. It has been almost 2 years since you left. Time takes care of some of the pain, but not all of it. The more time goes by, the harder it gets, because we know that we won't see you here again. It still seems hard to believe that you are not here and won't be back.

I felt so depressed about decorating for Christmas and then I decided to at least go through the motions. And so Mike and I put up the tree and put out the decorations and Mike decorated the trees and house on the outside. Brooke stayed with us for a few days and she helped. She was so excited about helping us with the decorations. She had remembered some of the globes that I had out last year and she wanted to see them. I am so thankful for our grandchildren. I don't know how we would have gotten through all of this with Hawk, if it hadn't been for them. Brooke and Skyla talk about him all the time. Breanna has the most memories of him, because she was older when he passed away. She talks about him a lot and misses him a lot.

There is so much pain and hurt left in our family because of Hawk dying. I know he is in a better place, but we miss him so much.

2008-06-23T18:45:00.035-05:00

TRIP TO LAS VEGAS AND GRAND CANYON

On May 30, 2008, we left Mt Juliet for a 11 days/10 nights trip to Las Vegas and Grand Canyon and points west. We were on a Diamond Tours bus with the Mt. Juliet Senior Citizens.

Our driver, Marla. She did a wonderful job of driving the bus.

She got that bus out of some tight places that some of us thought she might not do, but she always did.

Peggy and her grandson Christopher. He was the youngest person on the bus. They sat across the aisle from us. Mike and I and Charlie and Frances sat in the back across from them. Our seats were turned to face each other and there was a small table between us.
Peggy has a great sense of humor. She kept us laughing and was a lot of fun. She was a great person to be taking a long trip with. Christopher had an Ipod with lots of songs on it and one with lots of movies on it. He listened to music and watched his movies a lot. He was very knowledgeable of the area we were traveling in. If we had a question about something we saw, he could usually answer it. Left Mt Juliet, Tn on Friday, May 30 at 8:00 am. Stopped every few hours for a break, usually at a Loves truck stop. Watched 2 movies that day. Ate dinner at Luby's Cafeteria in Little Rock, Ark. Spent the night in Sallisaw, Ok. Got up the next morning and left for Oklahoma City. At 10:30 we stopped at a rest stop and met a woman from Lawrenceburg, Tn (our home county). She and her husband drive a tractor trailor to California and back every week. It is a small world.

Our first stop was the Oklahoma City National Memorial. The April 19, 1995, Oklahoma City bombing changed our nation and our world. It was the costliest act of terrorism up to that time on American soil. 168 people were killed, including 19 children--more than 700 injured--it involved thousands of rescuers.

This is the chain link fence where people leave letters, pictures, flowers, momentoes, etc of their loved ones who lost their lives that day. The whole area is very moving and touching.

This is a statue of Christ across the road from the memorial. He has his back to the site of destruction and is holding his face in his hand and on the bottom of the statue it says: And Jesus Wept.

This wall is made up of different things that children sent to the memorial. There are handprints, drawings, etc.

Charlie and Frances in front of the rows of chairs in memory of the people who were killed that day. Each row represents the floor they were on when the bombing happened. Each persons name is engraved on each chair. The second row of chairs are smaller than the others. That is where the Day Care was. These are the chairs representing the children who were killed.

We left Oklahoma and crossed into Texas at 4:21 on Sat. may 31.

On of Amarillo, Tx. more popular attractions is Cadillac Ranch, where ten vintage Cadillacs were buried with their tail fins in the air by Stanly Marsh 111. People stop and spray paint the cars.

On Sunday 6/1/08 we were driving through Texas and we saw more cows than we have ever seen in one place at one time. We think approximately 5-6,000 cows and one cowboy taking care of them.

Also, in Texas, we saw the huge three prong windmills. They were huge and amazing to see. Some of them were right on the edge of the interstate. We also saw several oil wells.

We entered New Mexico at 10:00 our time. We had to set our watches back 1 hour.

Taken outside of the restaurant. This was at the corner of the old Route 66 and the new Route 66. We traveled along the old Route 66 most of the way out there. Some of the old road is not passable now and some of it is part of I-40. We saw the teepee motel that is on Route 66. We were amazed at the terrain out there. In Texas and New Mexico, we drove for 25 or 30 miles and only see one little house. In New Mexico we would see miles of flat desert with no grass and then all of a sudden there would be a huge mountain of solid rock.

A post card of Route 66.

Lake Meade. This is the lake that was formed by the Hoover Dam when the Colorado was dammed up.

These are horned mountain goats. We were on the tour bus going to Hoover Dam. Our guide told us that if we saw these goats, then we would have luck at the casino in Las Vegas that night. I won $60. that night which is a lot for me.

The Hoover Dam. This is an amazing thing to see. It was amazing to me that they went down in the middle of this huge solid rock mountain and made this dam on the Colorado River.

This is a picture of the Colorado River rushing into the Dam to produce electricity.

Hoover Dam is a testimony to a country's ability to construct monolithic projects in the midst of adverse conditions. Built during the Depression; thousands of men and their families came to Black Canyon to tame the Colorado River. It took less than five years, in a harsh and barren land, to build the largest dam of its time. Now, years later, Hoover Dam still stands as a world-renowned structure. The Dam is a National Historic Landmark and has been rated by the American Society of Civil Engineers as one of America's Seven Modern Civil Engineering Wonders.

Go to: www.usbr.gov/lc/hooverdam to read about this amazing engineering wonders.

As of 9/11, buses carrying luggage are not allowed to cross the Hoover Dam because of security reasons. In the background of this picture is the construction of a new highway that will cross over the Colorado River for the traffic that is not allowed now.
The Colorado River has a lot of lime in it. The white section is how high the river has been on the mountain. It left a bleached area.

This is a memorial made for the 96 men who lost their lives while building the dam.

After we left the Hoover Dam, we went back to Las Vegas.

One of the buildings in Las Vegas.

All of the casinos were huge. Las Vegas is a very busy place. Their are cars, buses and people everywhere. They have a monorail system that takes you from casino to casino. Mike and I found out that that is the best way to travel in Las Vegas. We were more interested in seeing the sights than gambling. We spent very little money playing the slot machines and I won $60.

The lights of Vegas at night. We were on a schedule, so we didn't get to see many of the sights of Vegas. I would like to go back some time and stay longer at Vegas and at the Grand Canyon.

Inside Caesar Palace. This is a huge place. The ceiling is painted to look like the sky. It looks like you have entered the ancient city of Rome when you go in Caesars palace. It is very beautiful.

The shops in Caesars Palace.

One of the many sculptors in Caesars Palace that reminded us of Rome.

Thursday June 05, 2008, we arrived at the Grand Canyon. It is the most awesome site I've ever seen. Pictures and movies don't do it justice. I kept hearing things like awesome, amazing, incredible etc. It is one of the 7 natural wonders of the world and now I know why. Words can't describe how incredible it is. I almost cried when I saw it. It is an amazing site. Nothing manmade could ever compare to what God can make.

Mike and I in front of the Grand Canyon.

A close up of the Colorado River at the bottom of the Grand Canyon

Another view of the Grand Canyon

Another view of the Grand Canyon. The little bitty white line is the Colorado River. The Grand Canyon is a mile deep and over 240 miles long.

This was made at The Amarillo Botanical Gardens on the way back on Sat June 7.

All of the plants and flowers were beautiful.

Fay, Frances, me, and Mary

Charlie and Fran at the Botanical Gardens

Mike at the Botanical Gardens.

We really enjoyed this trip. My favorite sites were the Hoover Dam and the Grand Canyon. Some of the animals we saw were a prong horned antelope in Arizona. Elk in Oklahoma and the horned mountain goats in Boulder City, NV.

We were amazed at how different the scenery is out there. Mike and I had never been further west than Little Rock, Ark. The vastness of everything. We would go for 20 or 30 miles and not see a house. The desert had no grass, just little bushes. The long trains in New Mexico. The windmills in Texas. We saw the Petrified Forest and The Painted Desert. The huge mountains of solid rock. But the absolute most amazing site was the Grand Canyon.

Some of the things we did while riding along: On the way to Amarillo, Tx, we decided that we needed to know the words to the song by George Strait--Amarillo By Morning. We managed to come up with some of the words and then Christopher heard us talking about it and he said he had the song on his ipod, so we got the words from him.

We played bingo. Some people told jokes. We watched movies. After seeing the Grand Canyon, Frances and I decided that we needed to know all of the 7 wonders of the world. So I called my sister in SC and she got on the computer and gave us the 7 natural wonders of the world and the 7 man made wonders of the world. Fran went up to the front of the bus and got the microphone and shared the info with everyone.

Mike wrote a poem about our trip. Peggy went up to the front of the bus and read it on the microphone to everyone.

This is it:

Riding through the great southwest.

We're heading for Amarillo tonight.

Marlo's doing the driving,

We're looking at the sights.

There's no trees and no green grass to remind us all of Home.

No, we're out here in the Desert where the mule deer and the antelope roam.

There's dirt and sand stretching far and wide

And rocks and mountains reaching to the sky.

We looked into the great and awesome Grand Canyon

And we stood there in wonder feeling so small

Taking in this great panoramic view.

There's lots of speculation on how all of this came to be.

But there is one thing that all of us agree.

God blessed all of us when He let us come and see.

We traveled over 4,000 miles round trip.

2008-05-12T18:37:00.003-05:00

Skyla and Brooke with umbrellas. It was coming a light rain and they wanted to continue playing outside, so we gave them umbrellas and let them continue play.

Brooke had on a "fancy dress". They love to dress up in their "fancy dresses".

Brooke had her 4th birthday party on May 3. She was 4 on April 29, but they waited until Sat. May 3 to celebrate. She had a skating party. She wouldn't wear her skates. She said that they made her nervous. Skyla wore hers and Brooke was barefooted. She walked around with Skyla on the skating rink. They stayed together the whole time. Everyone had a great time. Breanna can skate really good. Breanna and Hawk were always together and now Skyla and Brooke are always together.

We had a great Mother's Day. Everyone came to our house. It was Mike's mom, Cathy Waddle and her husband, Derald, Mike's sister, Regina and her husband Mike Carr and his mom, Carrie Carr, and their daughter, Heather Blackburn. Our sons, Chris and Wanda and Jamie and Leah and Skyla and Mike and I. We cooked hamburgers and hot dogs on the grill and had all of the trimmings. Then we played Trivia for Dummies. We had a ball with that game.

2008-04-23T20:04:00.006-05:00

Here are new pictures of Skyla. They were made several months ago. Her other grandmother took her to a photographer in Brentwood. The photographer had made pictures of Hawk several years ago. When she found out that he had passed away, she gave Barbara the negatives she had of Hawk. Most photographer don't ever give away the negatives. I thought that was really nice of her to give those to Barbara.

This is a car magnet we had made for our car. We always want to keep Hawk's memory alive. He was our very special precious little grandson. We miss him every day.

Breanna has been on the honor roll all year and she wanted to be on the Principals list. Well , she finally made it on this report card. She is one of 3 on the Principals List in the first grade. Way to go Breanna!!! She has a 99 average.

2008-02-20T15:56:00.016-06:00

This is in memory of Hawk and pictures of our family.

On the left Jamie and Hawk when Hawk was 2 years old
TO HAWK:
We thought of you with love today But that is nothing new....We thought about you yesterday and the days before that too..We think of you in silence. We often speak your name. All we have now are memories and your picture in a frame. Your memory is our keepsake with which we'll never part.God has you in his keeping , we have you in our hearts. A thousand times we cried. If love alone could have saved you you never would have died. In life we loved you dearly in death we love you still. In our hearts you hold a place no one could ever fill. It broke our hearts to lose you, but you didn't go alone.For a part of us went with you the day God took you home. Hawk, we miss you terribly. We'll always love you.
Breanna, Brooke and Skyla talk of you all the time.

On the left, Chris and Kayla. Kayla will be 14 in March. She is the typical teenager, she likes to be with her friends and text message a lot.

My sister, Wanda, playing pool. She and Warren came in for a few days in January. We went to Lawrence County one day to see two of our aunts and Wanda got to see one of her childhood friends that she hadn't seen in about 20 years.

Warren and Brooke eating lunch in Lawrenceburg. Some of these pics turned out little like this. I don't know how to fix it.

Chris and Wanda listening to old albums of mine.

Kevin, Tuesday, Breanna and brooke.

Leah and Jamie.

Everyone came over and spent time with Wanda and Warren while they were here.

Kayla

Brooke and Skyla on their trikes we got them for Christmas, they love to ride them. Both of them are 3.

Breanna, 7, on her scooter we got her for Christmas. She loves her scooter.

Breanna. She is in 1st grade. She has been on the honor roll all year.

Breanna

Brooke with one half of one eyebrow gone. She found one of Kevin's razors and shaved it off.

Skyla with valentine balloon.

Brooke and Skyla in the blowup bouncy house. Mike got it at an auction. They love it. Their hair was fixed until they played in the bouncy house for awhile

Skyla drawing. She and Brooke love to draw.

2008-02-04T22:21:00.000-06:00

Hawk went to Heaven 1 year ago today.

Thank you to Jim (http://www.icouldbeyourchild.org/) for remembering us on this day. It was 1 year ago today that Hawk went to be with Jesus. We miss him so much. His dad, Jamie, and Mike and I went today and ordered a tombstone for his grave. This is a picture of what it will look like. Jamie chose what he wanted it to be like--Mike and I were there for morale support. There will also be a vase mounted on one side for us to put flowers in. It will be ready in about 6 weeks.

2007-10-30T21:57:00.000-05:00

Hawk--3 yrs old, Mike, and Jamie.

Hawk 18 months old.

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I found these pictures today in a closet that I was cleaning out. I had tried to clean it 2 times before, but couldn't do it. A lot of the clothes in it belonged to Hawk. But today I was able to clean it out. I am giving his clothes to our daughter-in-law for her two grandsons. I kept a little sweat shirt of his that he had painted a snowman on. I found these pictures in some of Jamies things that he had left here. I have never seen these pictures before. I made me some copies and I will give these to Jamie. All we have now are memories and pictures and movies. I am thankful that we have all of these things, but it's still hard to believe that he is gone.

Mike and Hawk's other grandpa, Ken went to the church today and put together some playground equipment that had been donated in Hawk's memory. A lot of people had donated money to the Children's ministry in Hawk's memory and the playground equipment was one of the things that was purchased. They were having Tuesday school at church today and after Mike and Ken got the equipment put together, the 5 year old's came out and played on it. Hawk would have liked that.

We miss him every day. But we will get through this with the Lord's help.

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"I lift up mine eyes to the hills--where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the maker of heaven and earth. Psalms: 121

2007-10-18T20:52:00.000-05:00

Brooke and Mike came into the sunroom and she absolutely cheers me up. I was really feeling sad in the previous post. But how can I be down when my precious little grandchildren are here. They have no idea how much joy they bring to our lives. They keep us so entertained. Thank you God.

2007-10-18T20:03:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I'll have a little peace about Hawk's death and then it will hit again. I have a screen saver that goes across my computer and just now there was a picture of Hawk and the other grandchildren together. I looked at it and---I hate that this happened to him and to our family .I just want to scream. But it won't do any good. There's nothing I can do to change it. I know that he's in a better place and that we'll see him again, but I'm only human and right now I hate all of this. But I know that God will heal our family of this pain.

2007-10-17T21:29:00.000-05:00

Went to kroger today. Still hurts to go to kroger. We usually go to wal-mart. Kroger is where we always went to buy organic food for Hawk. It was very painful the first time we went back to kroger after Hawk passed away. They have a wonderful organic food section. When we passed it, I got very emotional. When we got to the meat section, we saw a young mother who attends our church, Brooke Palmer. She has 4 children. The children really didn't know Mike and I that well, but they just came over to Mike and I and were so friendly. They really lifted my spirits and I told their mother what a blessing they were to me that day.
God put them there.
Today was still hard, but not as hard as the first time we went back. I miss Hawk so much. I have a lot of anger and a lot of hurt, but am trying to work through it. I feel like writing it down will help (hopefully me and someone else). I am beginning to come out of the tunnel of pain and anger. The best things we did for Hawk was to love him, spend time with him, be there for him, pray for him, stay positive and happy around him. The worst thing we did (in my opinion) was to take him to a "healing service". If I offend anyone, I'm sorry. This is my opinon only. We were told that Hawk was healed, and if we had enough faith then he would stay healed. Here is my opinion on all of this. Hawk got cancer because we live in a fallen world--we have disease, we have crime, we hear of things that are so cruel--but we live in a sinful, fallen world--if we lived in a perfect world, then Jesus would have come in vain. God is there to get us through these painful times. The young mother and her children in kroger was a gift from God. Sometimes God does not answer our prayers like we want Him to . But He is God and we are not. "Thy will be done, not mine." Even Jesus (and there is no one with more faith than Jesus), prayed for the cup of sacrifice to be removed from Him. But he said, "Thy will not mine be done" and he accepted God's will and went to the cross.
We are a family of Faith. All of Hawk's family--his mother, his dad, his dad's girlfriend, his step-father, his grandparents, his aunts and uncles, his cousins. It takes faith to hear that this precious little child has a terminal illness. It takes faith to pray for him to stay here, but to know in the end that he is not going to be able to stay. And for me, to change my prayer to "Thy will not mine be done." Faith to watch him take his last breath, but to know that he is going to a better place. Faith to watch what the disease did to his little body the last 2 weeks of his life. Faith to watch him be lowered into the ground.
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"Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. 14We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him."
---1 Thessalonians 4, 13-14
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Faith to live this and not go crazy. Without our faith, I don't know what we would do.Faith to get up every day without him and to be grateful for the beauty of this world, faith on Breanna's part to tell God what to tell Hawk every night. Faith to enjoy our life here and to enjoy our grandchildren, to laugh with them and be thankful for them.
We love you Hawk. It was not in our power to keep you here, but it was in our power to love you and cherish you and to cherish your memory.
We will always love you and miss you, our precious little grandson.

2007-10-16T15:06:00.000-05:00

This picture was taken last Thursday, Oct. 11, 2007

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Breanna in front of the fall display we made.

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Wednesday, Oct 10th, was Breanna's 7th birthday. We couldn't attend her b/day party, so we got her on Thursday and spent the day with her. When we picked her up, we asked her where she wanted to go eat and she said that she really wanted some gravy and biscuits, it was lunchtime, so I said we would go to Cracker Barrel. We went to Cracker Barrel and she had gravy and biscuit and a scrambled egg. Before we left there, she wanted her and Mike to sit on the porch and play a game of checkers. They played 2 games of checkers and she won both times (imagine that).

We left there and went to Comers Pumpkin Patch to get some items for our fall display. She helped us pick out some pumpkins and gourds and mums. We found some really unusual gourds. We came back to our house a different way than we usually do so that she could see some Lamas. One of our neighbors has some lamas. We also passed a cemetery. When we passed the cemetery, Breanna said, "everytime I pass a cemetery, I think of my Hawkie." We came on back to our house and fixed the fall decoration.

We asked what she wanted to do then and she decided that she wanted to go to the movie. We went to the 7 pm showing of Game Plan. It was really cute. On the way over there, she made up a little rhyme--"Breanna and nanna, they both say anna".

She spent the night with us and we really enjoyed spending time with her. Before she went to bed, she said her prayers and she told God what to tell Hawk. She did this in private, so I don't know what she told God to tell Hawk. Every night she tells God what to tell Hawk from her. She is a sweet, precious, loving, funny, smart little girl. --------------------------------------------

Kayla and Breanna

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Kayla came on Friday afternoon and spent the afternoon with us. Tuesday came and picked them up and Kayla spent the weekend with Kevin, Tuesday, Breanna and Brooke. She loves to be her little cousins. And they love to be with her. Kayla is a typical teenager--she likes to spend time with her friends, talk on the phone, play on the computer etc. she makes very good grades. Breanna makes all A's on her report card. Kayla told Breanna what I've been telling her since she was a little girl "Make good grades, go to college, get an education, and get a good job." I thought it was cute for her to tell her that that's what I've been telling her all of these years.

2007-10-11T22:45:00.000-05:00

Twelve years ago we moved a mile up the road to our present home. We still own the other house, we rent it out. Anyway, today we saw the woman who lived across the road from us at the other house (1 mile down the road). We found out that her 7 year old grandson has a brain tumor. He has had 3 surgeries and is now taking chemotherapy. He has lost his sight and is blind because of the tumor. The people who live across from us now had a grandson who passed away 2 yrs ago because of cancer. He was 2 when they found it and lived 6 years with it. And we have lost our grandson to cancer. What are the odds of 3 families who live within 1 mile of each other having grandsons who have had or have cancer??? One family lives across the road from us now and one family lived across from us at the other house. Also the grandson of the family across the street who passed away 2 yrs ago and our grandson, Hawk went to the same church where we attend. What are the odds of 3 families who live within 1 mile of each other having grandsons who have had or have cancer???

2007-10-11T17:39:00.001-05:00

Edith, Carol, and Linda

Linda, Edith and Me

---------------------------------------On Saturday, September 29, 2007, we all met at Carol's daughter (Karen's) house in Columbia. It had been about 38 years since we had seen each other. We were best friends when we were growing up in St. Joseph, Tn.(a very small town in Lawrence County). We went to school with each other from 1st grade through high school. And we were best friends all of those years.

About 3 years ago, I was thinking that I would really like to contact Edith. I went on the internet and tried to find her, but to no avail. Anyway, after several weeks of trying, Edith sent me a Christmas card. First time ever since we had lost contact that she had sent me a Christmas card. Anyway, we started e-mailing each other. She had Carol's e-mail, so I got that from her and started e-mailing Carol. Another friend of ours from high school was e-mailing all of us. Anyway, Linda asked him to e-mail us and see if she could have our e-mail addresses. Of course, we all immediately e-mailed her and we've all been e-mailing ever since.

Then we decided that we wanted to get together. So we finally decided on a day and a place. I got to Karen's house first. Linda, Carol and Edith were riding together. I called Carol's cell phone and she called me back. This was the first time that I had spoken to her in almost 40 yrs. She said that they would be there in a few minutes. I looked up and saw this white car coming toward me and there were two women in the front and one in the back and they were all waving and grinning. They parked and we all got out and were together again after so many years. We hugged and went in the house.

When we first started talking about a reunion, I thought--what if we don't have anything to talk about after all these years---well I didn't have to worry about that. We talked and talked. Then we went to a neat little restaurant in Columbia and ate lunch and talked and talked. We came back to Karen's and talked and talked.We talked about all of the pj parties we used to have. All the trips to Florence, Ala. we used to take. The time that my parents let us take all of the furniture out of the living room and have a luau.The club that we started called, The Debutants. Everyone wanted to be a member of that club. And we talked about the things that had happened in our lives in the last 37 years. We were together for about 7 hours and to me it was like 37 years had not gone by. I was so thrilled to see them again. I never dreamed that the four of us would be together again after all of these years. Anyway, we are still e-mailing and planning our next get-together. We don't ever want to let all those years go by again without seeing each other.

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Edith and I and my sister, Wanda,all went to Draughon's Business college together after high school and shared an apartment in Nashville. I lost touch with Edith after that. She moved to Florence, Ala. and worked at Reynolds.She retired from there and they were bought out by Wise Alloys LLC. She works for Wise Alloys now in the accounting dept. She has been at the same location for 39 years. She married Chris Cabaniss and they have 2 grown children, a son and a daughter.

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Carol went on to college and taught 6th grade in Lawrence County. She married Royce Neidert and they have 2 grown daughters. She retired this year from teaching.

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Linda married and divorced Terry Talley (deceased). She has 1 daughter and 2 grandchildren. She had enough credits in the 11th grade and passed the SAT test that she skipped the 12th grade and went on to college. She designs clothes and jewelry and has worked in the music industry and is now the fashion stylist to a country music star. She lives in St. Joe and commutes to Nashville and stays in Nashville 3 days a week.

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I graduated high school and went to Draughon's Business College in Nashville. At 18, I married my childhood sweetheart, Mike Smith and at 19 I had our first son, at 20 I had our second son and at 24 I had our third son. I worked for the State of Tennessee during some of that, but after the birth of Jamie (our third son), we decided that it was too much to try to work with 3 children. I stayed at home with them and did part-time work, sold avon, sold tupperware, babysat. Mike worked with UPS. He retired in January after 37 years with them. All of my family is on this blog.

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Linda, Carol, Edith and I e-mail each other constantly now and I can't wait to see them again and to continue our friendship.

2007-10-01T21:32:00.000-05:00

This is in memory of Hawk and in honor of Breanna.

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One day Breanna was going through the toybox and she found these figurines. She got them out of the toybox and put them beside each other and she said that this was her and Hawk and that it was a memory of them. I guess that the girl one was the only one she found that had long curly hair like her and this is the only little boy figure we have. I thought that was so sweet of her to do that. I know she misses Hawk so much. They were so close. Anyway, I have these sitting on top of the piano and I plan to keep them there for a long time. God bless you, Breanna. I know you miss your little cousin, Hawk. You are a loving, caring, precious little girl and I am proud to be your grandmother.

Breanna got her first report card in first grade and she made all A's. Her teacher wrote on her report card that she was hard working and had a great personality and was a very good student. She is a very funny, sweet little girl.

2007-09-26T23:21:00.000-05:00

Skyla Sno.

I picked Skyla up at daycare today and we kept her until about 7:00. She is so cute. She likes to swing and slide and swing on the tire swing. She talks all the time. Mike pushed her in the stroller down to our neighbor's house. They have 5 zebras now and one baby zebra. The grandbabies love to go down there and see the zebras, and especially the baby zebra.

When I got to her daycare, she ran to me and was so excited to see me. She ran to me and said, "Nannie!!" That's what Hawk used to do. She is so much like him. It is still hard to believe that he is gone. Some days are so painful. I don't know if we'll ever have peace with it. We miss him so much.

2007-09-26T10:46:00.000-05:00

Mike and I in front of the old Shoals theater in Florence Ala.

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Mother and Daddy used to take us to this theater when we were little. I remember that my sister, Wanda and I would sit in the seats right in front of mother and daddy. Daddy would put his hands over our eyes when the cartoon would come on and pretend that he wasn't going to let us see the cartoons. This is where I first saw the movie-Gone With The Wind. I must have been very little-the only scene that I remembered was when the little girl fell off of the pony. Later, when I was a teenager, my friend Linda Hill and I went to the same theater to see Gone With The Wind again, and when I saw that scene, then I remembered that that was the movie that I had seen as a little girl.

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Frances and I in front of the fountain in the park in Florence, Ala.

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Mike and I and our good friends, Charlie and Fran Parson took a trip to Lawrence County, Tn and Florence Ala. We left Friday morning and came back on Sunday afternoon. Mike has family down there and we usually go and spend the night and come right back. Charlie and Fran have heard us talk about Lawrence County so much that they wanted to go down there and see it and I wanted to go back an relive old memories. So Mike and I went as tourist this time. Both of us were raised up there. He in Loretto, Tn and I in St. Joseph, Tn., but it had been a long time since I had been back to some parts of St. Joe. My parents moved from there about 20 yrs ago and now they have both passed away.

We got down there on Friday morning and stopped at Ethridge and got a map of the Amish community. We drove out to the Amish community and saw some of their houses and their school house. We stopped an bought some molasses and some baskets. The baskets are beautiful and very inexpensive.

When we left there, we drove to Loretto and stopped at Riley's restaurant and ate catfish--very good. Then we went on to St. Joe. We drove by a lot of places that I have good memories of. The first house my parents lived in (where they lived when I and my sister were born). But some of the houses on that street are boarded up and look pitiful. One of the houses that I remember very well was where the Farris's lived. It was a large beautiful home, but now it is boarded up. We spent a lot of time with their two oldest sons, Donnie and Ray. It was at their house that I fell and broke my arm. I was five. Ray was riding his tricycle and we had a wagon tied to the back and I was in the wagon. We were going around and around on their porch and the wagon fell off and I broke my arm. One Christmas we went to their house and Santa Clause was there. We were all in the living room and he came walking down the stairs. Now all of them are gone except Donnie.

From there we drove on out to Mt. Nebo. We drove by the house that we lived in when I was in the second grade. Mike and his family lived next door to us then. We drove by Mike's grandparents old home and by the cemetery where some of our relatives are buried. We drove by where my childhood friend, Edith Wilcoxson (Cabaniss) lived. The house is no longer there.

From there we came back to St. Joe and drove by the old elementary school (it is all grown up and looks pitiful), drove through St. Joe. Drove by where my childhood friend, Linda Hill (Talley) lived, by where the old Church of Christ was, by where my childhood friend, Carol Jackson (Neidert) lived, drove by where my grandparents lived. Then drove on up to where my family lived in the rock house in St. Joe. We lived close to a grocery store and my sister and I would walk to the store and get cold drinks and candy and comic books and on Friday our dad would come by there and pay the bill. My mother had a beauty shop in the back of that house. It was fun for my friends and I to have a beauty shop in my house.

That house burned down earlier this year, so it is no longer there. I dream of that house sometimes.

We left there and drove to Florence, Ala. My dad worked in Florence at the Wilson Dam. We always did everything in Florence. Mother would take us shopping there and we would go to Sears and on the way back, we would stop at a little restaurant called Pig and Poke. I couldn't find the old Sears store and the restaurant is something else now. On Fridays we would pick my Dad up at work and we would go to a drive-in movie and out to eat. And sometimes they would take us to the theater in Florence. I found the old shoals theater and the park that is across the street from there. We drove out the Wilson Dam. We spent the night in Florence.

The next morning we drove back to St. Joe and went to the park. My children have a lot of good memories of my mother and dad taking them to the park and letting them swim in the creek and throw rocks in the creek. Our boys carved their names on a tree there when they were little.

We drove by the Catholic church in St. Joe. Someone suggested that because it is so old and has beautiful stained glass windows. We left there and drove out in the country where my Uncle Clifton(deceased) and my Aunt Frances Grigsby (she is in assisted living now) used to live and then drove out to where my Uncle Jr and Aunt Letha Grigsby (both deceased) used to live. They lived in the same house and raised their family there all of their lives. The house sits at the end of a dead end gravel road. Anyway, their children still own the house and go out there a lot. I spent a lot of my childhood at their house. Bobby, Carolyn, Sheila and I would build playhouses in the woods. I remember once Dan found an old steering wheel attached to a long pipe. We stacked up blocks and put boards across them and propped the steering wheel up in front and we pretended that we had a car. We had a lot of fun pretending to travel in that car. Anyway, we drove out to their house and Dan and his wife Ann and his sister Carolyn and her husband, Ronnie were there. They had their campers and were spending the weekend out there. It was great getting to see all of them. Their sister, Bobby, who is my age, passed away in 2001. We spent a lot of our childhood together. I hated to see her have to go. I have a lot of wonderful memories of staying at their house.

After we left there we drove on up to Loretto and spent the rest of Saturday with Mike's family. We toured Loretto and saw Mike's old elementary school. It has been kept up better than my old school and saw the high school that we both attended, but it looks entirely different. Mike's dad and step-mom rode around with us and he told Charlie and Fran a lot about that area. We all went up to Lawrenceburg and ate supper that night. Mike's brother, Sammy and his wife, Debbie joined all of us for supper. Mike and I and Charlie and Fran spent the night in Lawrenceburg. Mike and I have been gone from Lawrence County for 38 years. We have gone back every month since then to visit family. But we would go to their houses and spend all of our time with them and then go straight back home. This is the first time in my life ( I am 57) that I have ever spent the night in a motel in Lawrence County. We've always stayed with family.

These are pictures of a beautiful rainbow taken on Monday afternoon looking out from my front yard.

2007-09-12T17:58:00.000-05:00

These pictures were taken during our recent trip to Boone, NC with our good friends, Charlie and Frances Parson. We went up there in August for about 4 days. It was so hot and dry here, so we decided to go somewhere that was not so hot. It was in the 80's there. We really enjoyed being away from the heat for a few days.

The mile high swinging bridge at Grandfather Mountain, Boone, NC

Me, Fran, and Charlie standing in front of Mast General Store, the oldest store in N.C.

Frances, Me and Mike at Blowing Rock, N.C.
Me and Mike----Fran and Charlie at Blowing Rock, N.C.

Charlie and Mike at Grandfather Mountain

These pictures were taken on our trip in June to Florida. This Larry, a good friend of Fran and Charlie's, with me, Mike and Charlie. We stayed with Larry for 3 days in Jacksonville on our way to New Smyrna Beach, Fla.

These are Fran and Charlie good friends with Mike and me---Ged and Joan. This was taken in New Smyrna, Fla. They came and stayed 2 days with all of us. We really had a good time.

If the Good Lord's willing, Fran and Charlie and Mike and I and our son, Chris and his wife, Wanda are planning on going to North Myrtle Beach, S.C. the first week of November. Charlie and Fran and Mike and I each have a time-share there. My sister , Wanda and her husband, Warren live in Myrtle Beach, S.C., so we will be visiting with them also.

And, if the good Lord's willing, Fran and Charlie and Mike and I are planning a trip out west next spring. We plan on driving and taking our time and seeing the Grand Canyon, Bryce Canyon, Los Vegas, San Francisco, the redwood forest, some of Route 66 and I guess just wherever we decide to go.

2007-09-11T23:49:00.000-05:00

Skyla pushing Brooke in the swing

Brooke in the backyard, waiting to swing Skyla in the swing.

Skyla in the swing. She and Brooke spent the night with us on Friday.

Brooke and Skyla. They spent the night on Friday night. We usually get them one day a week. The are so cute together. They bring so much joy to our life. They are so cute and fun.

Brooke pushing Skyla in the swing. We are so blessed to have our grandchildren. Brooke is 3 and Skyla will be 3 on 9/18/07. They both say and do the cutest things. I look forward to seeing them every week. We can't get Breanna during the week because she goes to school. She is in the first grade. Tuesday sent us some of her school work and she made 100 on all of her papers. She is a sweet little girl.

Kayla and Breanna. Both of them are doing very well in school. Breanna was baptized last Sunday at Defeated Creek. She will be 7 on 10/10/07. It was a very nice service. About 8 people were baptized. Kevin said the prayer before Breanna was baptized.

Kayla is saving money for her 8th grade trip next spring to Chicago. She is coming next weekend to spend the weekend with us. They are all growing up so fast.

2007-09-11T23:29:00.000-05:00

To Hawk,
I miss you Hawk. I would love to see your little face again and hear your voice.
You were a very wonderful gift to our family.
Time goes by so fast. Your five years went by like a flash. I'll never forget you. Sometimes the days are so hard. Your Dad called on your earthly birthday (8/31). It was a hard day for him and he needed someone to just listen. I'm glad that I could be there for him. I'm sure it was a hard day for everyone. It would have been your 6th birthday here, but you went to your eternal home on Feb. 4. I miss you, our precious little grandson. I am so glad that I was so blessed to have been your grandmother. All of us miss you so much.
I love you and miss you,
Love Nannie Gwen

2007-07-17T20:24:00.000-05:00

MORE MEMORIES OF HAWK (2001-2007)

These were made at our house during the summer of 2006.

This one was made in our pasture beside the house. Hawk loved to go over there and go to the pond and throw rocks in the little creek. He called it an adventure to to over there with Mike.

The following is a special note for Hawk and all of the children who have gone on to Heaven because of this terrible disease. I got it off of JJ's site: www.icouldbeyourchild.org. I changed it from her to he.

Hawk definitely fulfilled his mission here on earth. From day one, he was a happy, loving child. He brought a lot of people together. And a lot of people renewed their faith in God because of him. The sanctuary at our church holds about 1,000 people and it was almost full at Hawk's Celebration of Life. He touched a lot of lives in his short 5 years here.

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THE BRAVE LITTLE SOUL: FOR HAWK AND ALL OF THE CHILDREN

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Not too long ago in Heaven there was a little soul who took wonder in observing the world. He especially enjoyed the love he saw there and often expressed this joy with God. One day however the little soul was sad, for on this day he saw suffering in the world. He approached God and sadly asked, “Why do bad things happen; why is there suffering in the world?”

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God paused for a moment and replied, "Little soul, do not be sad, for the suffering you see, unlocks the love in people’s hearts.” The little soul was confused. “What do you mean,”he asked.” God replied, “Have you not noticed the goodness and love that is the offspring of that suffering? Look at how people come together, drop their differences and show their love and compassion for those who suffer. All their other motivations disappear and they become motivated by love alone.” The little soul began to understand and listened attentively as God continued, “The suffering soul unlocks the love in people’s hearts much like the sun and the rain unlock the flower within the seed. I created everyone with endless love in their heart, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone. They are afraid to let their love shine freely, because they are afraid of being hurt. But a suffering soul unlocks that love. I tell you this - it is the greatest miracle of all. Many souls have bravely chosen to go into the world and suffer - to unlock this love – to create this miracle - for the good of all humanity."

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Just then the little soul got a wonderful idea and could hardly contain himself. With his wings fluttering, bouncing up and down, the little soul excitedly replied, "I am brave; let me go! I would like to go into the world and suffer so that I can unlock the goodness and love in people’s hearts! I want to create that miracle!" God smiled and said, "You are a brave soul I know, and thus I will grant your request.

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But even though you are very brave you will not be able to do this alone. I have known since the beginning of time that you would ask for this and so I have carefully selected many souls to care for you on your journey. Those souls will help you create your miracle; however they will also share in your suffering. Two of these souls are most special and will care for you, help you and suffer along with you, far beyond the others. They have already chosen a name for you. God and the brave little soul shared a smile, and then embraced. In parting, God said, “Do not forget little soul that I will be with you always. Although you have agreed to bear the pain, you will do so through my strength. And if the time should come when you feel that you have suffered enough, just say the word, think the thought, and you will be healed.”

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Thus at that moment the brave little soul was born into the world, and through his suffering and God’s strength,he unlocked the goodness and love in people’s hearts. For so many people dropped their differences and came together to show their love. Priorities became properly aligned. People gave from their hearts. Those that were always too busy found time. Many began new spiritual journeys – some regained lost faith – many came back to God. Parents hugged their children tighter. Friends and family grew closer. Old friends got together and new friendships were made. Distant family reunited, and every family spent more time together. Everyone prayed. Peace and love reigned. Lives changed forever. It was good. The world was a better place. The miracle had happened. God was pleased. - J. Alessi

2007-07-16T10:34:00.000-05:00

MEMORIES OF HAWK

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All of these pics were taken when Hawk was almost 3 and Breanna was almost 4. Brooke was a few months old.

This one shows off his beautiful eyes. He was always smiling.

Tuesday, Lindy and I had taken them to Opry Mills mall to have their pics taken at Glamour Shots. All of these pics were taken at glamour shots. Lindy was pregnant with Skyla.

Breanna and Brooke taken at the mall in 2004. Brooke is 3 now and Breanna is almost 7 (will be on 10-10-2007).

I made these dresses for them.

Hawk on the motorcycle. Jamie really liked this one.

Precious little Hawk.

After the pics were taken, we took them to Build-a-Bear and let Breanna and Hawk make a puppy. Brooke was too little to make one. Breanna picked out a brown puppy and Hawk pick out a black and white one.

MORE MEMORIES OF HAWK

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Sept 18, 2004

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Hawk looking at his new baby sister, Skyla Sno. He was 3. This is a precious picture.

It is hard to do this, but I want to make a journal for Jamie and for Skyla. Skyla will not remember her big brother ( she called him bubba), so I want to make a journal for her and for the other grandchildren. I will make copies of this blog and put it in a folder for them. Someday it will mean a lot to them. I need to do this, but we miss him so much, but I'm thankful that we have so many pictures and movies and wonderful memories. It is still hard to think of him as a memory, but that's the way it is now.

This is a precious picture.

Hawk and Breanna in the waiting room waiting for Skyla to be born. Hawk was 3 and Breanna was almost 4. He was always smiling. I had gotten him a shirt that said, "I'm the big brother. " he was wearing it. Brooke had been born in April and I had gotten Breanna a shirt that said. " I'm the big sister."

Jamie holding his little girl. She will be 3 in Sept of this year.

2007-07-13T14:52:00.000-05:00

These are pictures of Breanna's Kindergarten graduation. She will be in 1st grade now!!! Way to go Breanna!!

It was a very cute ceremony. They had the 8th grade ceremony first and then the kindergarten. After the ceremonies, they had a reception for everyone. All of the children got a helium balloon. Breanna went outside and let her's go up for Hawk. Any time she has a helium balloon, she lets it go for Hawk. She wants to know if she'll see all of those balloons in Heaven when she sees Hawk someday. Who knows, maybe she will. I think she will see them.

She and Brooke spent the week with us two weeks ago. We went to Wal-mart one day and bought a balloon and went to Hawk's grave and let it go for him. It went all the way up and completely our of sight.

All of these things are bittersweet. Hawk was supposed to graduate from kindergarten this year also. Even though he and Breanna were a year apart, she started to kindergarten the same year that he did because of when her birthday was. They would have been in the same grade all of the way through school. But that was not meant to be. When we make our plans, we should say: "If it is the Lord's will."

My thinking as of right now: I will not pray for a miracle again. I will pray the Lord's Prayer--Thy Will not mine be done. I will humble myself and pray for God's will to be done and let it go.

We all need prayer, but if anyone is ever praying for me, I want them to pray the Lord's Prayer and go on. A lot of people prayed for Hawk, but it was not God's will for him to stay here. God is all knowing and has infinite wisdom. I have accepted that, but we still grieve and hurt because Hawk is not here. I'm glad that I don't run the world, because it would be in a mess if I did. God's will be done in all things.

Breanna and Brooke spent a few days with us this week. We took them to the Opry Mills Build-A-Bear. We had taken Hawk and Breanna when they were 4 and 3 and they had made a puppy apiece. This time we took Breanna and Brooke. Brooke was with us the first time, but she was only a few months old, so this was her first time to get to make an animal. they both picked out a bunny rabbit. Breanna's is a darker brown and is bigger than Brooke's. They really enjoyed making them and picking out some clothes for them. Breanna named her's Brownie and Brooke named her's Pinky. After we got the bunnies, we took the girls to The Rain Forest for lunch. They really enjoyed that. There is a huge carousel at the Food Court inside the mall, so we let them ride that.

After we got home, we noticed that Breanna's bunny's voice wasn't working anymore, so we got back in the minivan and went back to Opry Mills and got that replaced and they rode the carousel again. Anyway, everything is working fine with their bunnies now.

We plan on getting Skyla one day this week and taking her to Build-A-Bear. Maybe I can get pictures of all of them with their animals.

Breanna has lost 2 teeth, so now Brooke (3) thinks that her teeth will fall out. The other day she looked at Mike and asked him if her teeth were getting loose. And then she wanted to know if his teeth were getting loose. She is so cute. They all are. All of them keep us laughing. They are a joy to have around.

2007-07-13T00:16:00.000-05:00

Kayla and Breanna.

Kayla spent a week with Kevin and Tuesday earlier in the summer. She is coming to our house tomorrow. She's needs to raise $50. for a trip to HolidayWorld. We told her that she could help me clean the house tomorrow and we would give her $30. She already has the other $20 from babysitting. Of course, we will give her the money anyway, but she can help me, so that she can earn it. I can't believe that she is already 13 years old. She is a beautiful little lady.

This blog is part journal and part blog about our family.

Hawk's passing has been so hard on Mike and I. We miss him so much. It is not getting any easier with time. It has been 5 1/2 months since he left. As each month goes by, we realize that we will never hear his little voice or see him or talk to him again during this lifetime. We have movies of him, but it is not the same. WE MISS HIM SO MUCH. I've gone through several stages. I've been very mad, I've been very sad, I've been very depressed. I don't understand a lot of things anymore. I was always a very positive person who kept everyone encouraged. But I'm just not that person right now. And I know that our lives will never be the same. We will enjoy life and we will enjoy our grandchildren, but there will always be something missing.

Our best friends, Charlie and Fran Parson invited us to go to Florida with them in June of this year. At first I didn't want to go, but we decided at the last minute to go. We stayed 3 1/2 days in Jacksonville, Fl. and then a week in New Smyrna Beach, Fl. I am so glad that we went. We had a great time. We laughed a lot. There is nothing like the Ocean to soothe the soul. Mike and Charlie played golf a lot and Fran and I shopped. We had a great time.

When the other grandchildren are here, we have a great time with them and play and laugh with them. They are a bright spot and a joy in our lives. We do not show our sadness in front of them. It is still hard to see Skyla without Hawk. But we don't let her see any of the sadness in us. When she is here, we laugh and play with her.

I haven't written on the blog in a long time, it has been hard to write on it, but I am going to try to continue it for the other grandchildren. This is a great way to keep up with our family. Someday I will be able to look back and read all of the changes we go through. I would never be able to remember all of it without writing it down and this is the easiest way for me.

Kayla, Breanna and Brooke with a large Eagle kite.

Pretty little Skyla with her baby doll. She is a different child now. She is more independent. She is going through stage where she doesn't like to stay away from home when night time gets here. She'll stay all day with us, but when it is time for bed, she wants to go home, so we go and get her and keep her all day and then take her back at bedtime.

I had this picture and the following saying matted and framed in memory of our precious little Hawk:
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One thing I know is true,
Nothing is harder than missing you.
If Love could have saved you,
You would have lived forever.
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Of course we know that he will live forever because of Love. But if Love could have saved him here, He would have stayed with us longer.

I don't know about other parents and grandparents who have lost a child or grandchild, but I have a need to tell everyone about Hawk. I find myself telling perfect strangers about him and that he left us in February. I tell store clerks and my doctors and everyone. I feel a need to tell people about how precious he was and that he left us in February. I've learned a lot about all of this. In the past, if I knew someone who had lost a child or someone close to them, sometimes I wouldn't know what to say, but now I understand that they may just to need talk about that person and they just need someone to listen. People tell me that they don't bring his name up because they are afraid that it will cause us to get emotional, but I like to talk about him. He will always be a huge part of our lives. Just because he's not here physically, doesn't mean that's he's not with us. He left us with incredible memories and hearts running over with Love. And I guess that I just have a need to tell people about him. We will continue on with our lives and we will take him with us. We Love You Hawk.