It's Not a Mullet

On graduating

2009-06-17T22:50:00.000-05:00

Some people, having gone through a similar situation in life called graduation, have shared their experiences with me. "It's anti-climatic, isn't it?" some might say. Well yes, it is, but it's not as if I expected an explosion of joyous hope and promise ro form an angelic aura around me as I walked across the stage to accept my faux-ploma from some guy I never met before.

On a typical warm May Friday afternoon, I made my way to the Bass Concert Hall, carrying in my hands a borrowed cap and the same gown I wore at high school graduation. I thought I had seamlessly evaded the $45 charge that UT had forced all the other graduates to pay for a one time use garment and a funny tasseled hat. I had not however known that in that $45 package was a white sash that everyone else was wearing, bearing the words "UT Commencement." It wasn't that I particularly cared that I was going to be the one with out one, it was that my mom probably wouldn't like it. Thankfully, for my mom's sake, they had extras there.

The ceremony was nice and short, thanks to it being a History-major only ceremony. Special guest pseudo-celebrity and UT history graduate Paul Bartholomew had an entertaining little speech. Thankfully there were no singing squirrels involved. My name was even pronounced correctly, by one of my old professors, after only a slight hesitation. The Austinbikes crew got a little rowdy in the stands, and after shaking hands with Guy-I-Don't-Know 1 and Guy-I-Don't-Know 2 and a few pictures, I returned to my seat. The rest of the ceremony was a predictable blur of clap-clap-clap, blah-blah-blah, and the school song I still don't know and mostly resent. You would think a school so proud and full of itself would be able to come up with something more creative than a weak "I've Been Working on the Railroad" knock off. The bright spot of the evening was going out and meeting the family and friends that really made my time at college memorable.

I have graduated and life is just the same and yet completely different. As vague and overly whimsical as that sounds, but it bears at least some truth. My head swirls with excitement, anxiety, fear, hope, and any other hokey juxtaposition of contradictory emotions you could think of. I'm on my own. I survived college. Next?

I heart Dille

2009-05-14T12:15:00.004-05:00

History book excerpts

2009-05-13T08:48:00.003-05:00

"...devoid of the officialese and the ideological gobbledegook which obfuscated all government and party statements."

I'm sorry, I don't seem to understand. I don't speak pretentious.

Swine Flu Inspires

2009-05-06T22:22:00.001-05:00

If zombie violence bothers you, I suggest not watching...

Texas Heat

2009-05-06T17:09:00.003-05:00

As I write this, I'm sitting in my room on the third floor of the condo I rent from. The ceiling fan is creaking in protest of being set to the highest setting and the Honeywell HT804 Super Turbo High Performance Fan is set to "Super Turbo High." The thermostat downstairs reads 86 degrees Fahrenheit, only 4 degrees below the 91 it is outside. The A/C works ( I think) so why would I subject myself to such discomfort? My roommate was gone for over 3 weeks in March/April and a week or so since. I'm not really at home much outside of sleeping hours, so I decided to experiment a little and find out just how little electricity I could use. Not really so much to save money or to be green, (ok, maybe a little) but just to see how little electricity I could use in a three-story condo. With the help of some mild weather, I've managed not to touch the thermostat for the past 2 months as it sadly waits in the off position. In conjunction with a minimal amount of dishwasher and washing machine loads it produced this result: A $38.89 utility bill came in the mail today.

Update: I just cracked. The A/C works and it is glorious. Ain't gonna get a utility bill like that one for a good long while.

Things I would do for Megan Fox:

2009-05-04T22:59:00.004-05:00

1.) Start eating meat again
2.) Drink Miller Lite
3.) Listen to Chris Cornell

Why? Watch this video.

I may be graduating soon...

2009-05-03T21:53:00.004-05:00

...but I'm never growing up.

What's the point?

2009-04-14T21:33:00.007-05:00

Ultimate Power Dog Walker Housewife is out on Shoal Creek, doing what she does best, walking the dog with such deliberate force that can only be contained in full work out gear complete with sports bra, spandex, joggers hat, and iPod armband. As any experienced and courteous dog walker should, she totes along plastic bags for doggy clean up. When the situation arises, she picks up after Rosco's nature break, ties off the top of the baggy, and without skipping a beat, tosses the bag into the road and keeps on walking. I guess in a world where it seems more and more that courtesy is more of a pleasant surprise than an expectation, any feeble attempt should be welcomed, but can someone please tell me what the point of being courteous is if you're only going to go half ass it?

Really, why would you save her?

2009-04-12T00:33:00.003-05:00

The polar bear only attacked because she looked like she tasted like Coca Cola and Klondike Bars.

Polar bear attacks woman at Berlin Zoo

2009-04-07T16:23:00.001-05:00

Post a ticket for a sold out show for face value on craigslist = 8 calls in less than 5 minutes after posting it. Sheesh.

2009-03-30T21:43:00.003-05:00

2009-03-27T00:06:00.000-05:00

Awesomely awesome:

Race to no where.

2009-03-24T22:15:00.004-05:00

The competitive nature of mankind is an amazing thing. It is one of the driving forces of many things in every day life. Sports, wealth, even romance. People will go to great lengths to prove their superiority to others, such as dressing up in a spandex onesie whilst wearing a spermatozoon shaped hat or walking 81 miles with a milk bottle balanced on your head. As stupid as those things sound, no competition baffles me more than the competition to be the first commenter on a popular blog. (see examples here and here) Some even compete for second, third, or even top ten douchetard to comment. Not to say all comments are stupid, except those posted on YouTube videos, in fact they can often be funnier and smarter than the actual content being blogged or reported on. But competeing for the first comment like an 2nd grader for the front of the line to the cafeteria, ranks among the world's lamest activities, somewhere in between listening to Nickelback, Twitter (don't get me started), and blogging about power meter wattage or Russian history.

Men down.

2009-03-11T12:06:00.004-05:00

Tuesday Nighter in Austin has gotten pretty scary. Last night everyone queued up on the same side street for the first ride of the year, and as always riders seem to lose grasp of the concept that they're standing in the road and taking up more than half the lane. Strike one.

Strike two, cussed out by pissed off local for peeing in the side of the road considering there are kids around in the neighborhood. Valid point, but kind of lost in all the vitriol and profanity in front of his kid.

Strike three in the lead group of 20 or so Trickey and Jared LeTallDude get tangled up in the gaping road cracks.

Strike Four, and worst of all. Coming down the back side hill, I'm leading the group at 30+ mph with the TJewell on my wheel. Ford F-150 coming the opposite way decides to turn left in front of us at the exactly the wrong time. I managed to dodge left and miss the truck by about six inches, but Tyler had no where to go. He broadsided the side of the truck bed with a violent thud. I thought he was dead. A few others went down including Evan Lambert, continuing his case for "Nicest Guy with the Worst Luck" Award. Truck continued down the road as Stefan, Wheeler, and I gave chase. Luckily the road was a dead end. Unluckly home-boy, is here illegally, has no insurance, and has been enjoying a few cervezas. Tyler and Evan, however are a couple bad-ass mother fuckers. Escaped with injuries and broken bikes but alive and fully concious. Mere mortals would have fared much worse.

Heal up soon, my friends.

Temptation Road

2009-03-08T20:06:00.005-05:00

Sometimes life just isn't fair. In a stretch of 3 blocks while out riding today, I witnessed two great injustices (insomuch as they don't belong to me) Exhibit A. - Attractive young girls washing expensive cars in expensive neighborhood in bikini tops and daisy dukes. Exhibit B. - Aston Martin DB9 windows open, radio on, key in ignition, no one in sight. I'm waiting to meet someone in this particular area, said person is late, so I cruise in between these two (three, I guess since it was two girls) things that I can't have. For about 10 minutes. Still no person in sight of the Aston Martin. What the hell is going on? Neglect? Social experiment? Trap? Indifference? Stupidity? If only I weren't dressed like a super hero on a bike with my name on it. And to the girls, as they faulted themselves right near a busy intersection of Mopac and Enfield, well, that's just plain mean. And wonderful. If only I weren't dressed like a super hero on a bike with my name on it.

Odd moments in history

2009-03-08T11:48:00.010-05:00

Reading up on history for a midterm tomorrow, I learned about the assassination of Reinhard Heydrich. The whole basis of reason behind the Nazification of Germany is way too deep for Sunday morning hangover discussion, one thing is for certain. Some of those guys were just plain f'ed up in the head.

Heydrich, a high ranking SS member and acting ruler of the Bohemia and Moravia region of occupied Czechoslovakia during World War II, had a plot against his life by the Czech government-in-exile. Two assassins used their knowledge of his route for the day, and set up at a point where his car would slow down to make a hairpin turn, where they would unload their Sten sub-machine gun upon him. The plot went according to plan except for one important thing. The gun wouldn't fire. Instead of fleeing like a normal human-being with concern for their life, Heydrich ordered his driver to stop so he could take on the attackers. Assassins went to plan B and threw a bomb at him. When the smoke cleared a wounded Heydrich emerged guns a blazing. He made it half a block before his psycho-rage was overcome by the fact that he had just had a bomb thrown at him. Unable to continue, Heydrich sent his driver out on foot after the assassins.

He would die about a week later. During a hospital visit from Himmler shortly before his death, Heydrich came to grips with his imminent demise with this quote, "The world is just a barrel-organ which the Lord God turns Himself. We all have to dance to the tune which is already on the drum."

Craiglist window shoppers?

2009-02-26T11:17:00.002-06:00

From: *******@austin.rr.com
To: sale-1051037745@craigslist.org
Subject: 54cm Fuji Carbon Team w/ Campy Record
Date: Thu, 26 Feb 2009 07:03:26 -0600

** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html

Scott,

Your bike is very nice, are pedals not included and is this still available?

Tom

From: Scott Veggeberg

To:******@******.com

Sent: Thursday, February 26, 2009 7:49 AM

Subject: RE: 54cm Fuji Carbon Team w/ Campy Record

It is still available. I didn't list it with pedals, but I can include some Shimano SPD SL Ultegra pedals (the newer wide body style) or some Shimano SPD mountain pedals if you like.

Scott
-------------------------------------

From: *******@austin.rr.com
To: sale-1051037745@craigslist.org
Subject: 54cm Fuji Carbon Team w/ Campy Record

I am sorry to waist your time; but my wife will leave me if I purchase a bike of this quality and price.......Thanks so much anyway.

Tom

2009-02-24T11:12:00.000-06:00

Try not to smile

2009-02-16T23:13:00.001-06:00

2009-02-12T23:27:00.003-06:00

When testing the limits of what you can say on TXBRA, I have learned that "sociopathic giant asshole super douche" = acceptable. "sociopathic giant asshole superdouche that I hope gets shanked in prison" = unaccpetable. Who knew?

Odd Sights in SA

2009-02-08T23:14:00.003-06:00

After today's race in Castroville, I was rolling into San Antonio on I-90. In the median I spotted a man begin to frogger across the westbound side. Seeing people crossing large highways on foot always makes me uneasy, but even more so when it's a short bald, shirtless, shoesless man holding up the 3 size too large jeans he's wearing.

My thoughts on James Clayton, in brief.

2009-02-05T13:23:00.002-06:00

To quote Voltaire, "God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."

Good riddance, scumbag.

2009-02-01T22:13:00.002-06:00

The cycling community is great. Some of my best friends and the people I respect most I have met through cycling. Much of my life is consumed by cycling. It's my main mode of transportation, it keeps me employed, it's my biggest hobby. But god damn, some cyclists can be the lamest pieces of shit I've ever encountered. If I didn't have so much disdain for them I would almost feel sorry for them. It really sucks that such shitty people have to share a common interest with so many awesome ones. I suppose that's just life and all groups have their rotten apples, but some cyclists just blow me away.

Best Response, revisited.

2009-01-31T00:06:00.002-06:00

Hatlelid ain't got nothin' on this ad response:

Hi,

Yeah, I would probably like to see the bike and you sometime soon. I'm sure both look and work fine. About the bike, the crank looks a little worn from the picture. Is that from your shoe rubbing? Thats cool, I can help you polish the crank when I come to check it out. Did you like to use a lot of lube when you rode this? I'm busy with work a lot, but maybe I can sneak away for a minute. If not I work at Rusty Spurs, maybe you can drop by with the bike. In some sort of biking outfit. Cool.

Kojo

p.s. Is there any way to get a lower price?

Definitive guide to Texas Bike Racing Coaches

2009-01-27T14:26:00.004-06:00

When the question is posted on TXBRA, asking for recommendations for cycling coaches, an inevitable battle of which coach can beat up which ensues. In order to save time and heartache I have proposed a definitive guide for the most popular results for the cycling coach question.

In alphabetical order:

Chann McRae (http://cmcoaching.com/)- Pros: Pro-level Road and Triathlon experience, wife that can out-sprint me, possible burrito hook-up.
Cons: Pro-level Triathlon experience, therefore may have cooties and may wear mid-riff tank tops. "Personal and sensitive, yet motivating" line on website is kinda creepy.

Christian Williams (http://lonestarworks.com/) Pros: Down to earth, knowledgeable, accessible been on the Texas Racing scene since before I was born. Goes to 11. Is taller than all other coaches listed. Favorite to emerge victorious in case of Texas Coach Royal Rumble.
Cons: Training plans may be written in crayon and have gummy bear residue.

Dave Wenger/ Source-E (http://www.source-e.net/) Pros: High-level racing experience in Texas and nationally, cute cheeks, reminiscent of a Ninja Turtle.
Cons: Radiation from all the technological do-dads may cause cancer. May abruptly vanish from cycling scene in order to pursue modeling career he was truly destined for.

Kevin Livingstone (http://www.pedalhard.com/) Pros: Done the Tour de France more years than I've attended college (That's a lot.) Pretty eyes.
Cons: May have to buy something black and yellow with stars on it in order to get the attention of a Mellow Johnny's employee to ask where the coaching facility is. Phone contact schedule in coaching plans resembles that of prison.

Scott Veggeberg (http://youcantbeserious.com/isntreallyacoachbutwilltakeyourmoneys/) Pros: Was somewhat fast at some undetermined and little known time. Multi-ethnic. Can put his feet behind his head.
Cons: Absolutely zero coaching knowledge. Doesn't actually train. Hates bike racing. Poor people skills and patience. Attention-whore.

Stefan Rothe (http://rothetraining.com/) Pros: High level Texas and International racing experience, multilingual, well-educated. Looks like a tedddy bear. Bonus Package deals for cycling coaching and soccer coaching in conjunction with his wife.
Cons: When asked if there were and more "Extra Services" other than those listed on the website, followed by a wink and nod, was unresponsive.

Vince Lombardi (http://www.vincelombardi.com/) Pros: Arguably greatest coach in history, has a trophy named after him.
Cons: Not involved in cycling at all, dead.