Love Yourself – It Matters

Peaceful Plan for the Unemployed

2009-06-30T10:25:00.002-05:00

Hey, today is a new day and the sun is shinning. Are you wondering, “So what, I don’t have a job and could care less about the sun shinning.”

Welcome to the world of the unemployed.

When we feel scared and have no idea of what is going to happen our thoughts take over and rule our unhappy lives. The good part is we are in control of taking care of ourselves.

You can give yourself a gift today and create a plan that will create peace in your life. No need to panic we can make the plan simple and easy to follow.

Following are questions that can help you create your special plan:
1. What made you happy yesterday?
2. Who can you call and have a good laugh with?
3. Where can you go to relax?
4. When is the most difficult time of your day?
5. How can you help a family member?

After answering the above questions you are ready to create your plan. Below is an example of a Peaceful Plan created from answering the above questions.

Peaceful Plan
Morning is my most difficult time of day so I will get dressed, go out for a cup of coffee and smile at another person in the coffee shop.

When feeling very stressed, call Sherri and have a good laugh.

Prepare dinner for my family before my husband gets home.

I love sitting on my back porch, having a cup of tea after dinner with my husband and just relaxing. It is very important that you both have an unwritten rule not to discuss anything stressful.

What steps does your Peaceful Plan include? Please let the Love Yourself – It Matters know about your plan and what benefits it is providing. Looking forward to hearing from you.

Remember when one door closes, it is hell waiting in the hallway so open a shade and look for the opportunities.

Helen

Unemployed Professionals Instructions for Your Day

2009-06-23T06:26:00.004-05:00

“One of the things I learned the hard way was
that it doesn’t pay to get discouraged.
Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life
can restore your faith in yourself.”
Lucille Ball

Waking up this morning it hits like a lead balloon, I no longer have a job. What am I going to do?

Not minimizing the situation you have a choice either to enjoy your day or go deeper into that black hole. You might ask yourself, “Come on Helen I have no choice.” My mind keeps thinking: I am not working…not making money…feel like a failure…really scared, etc., etc. These thoughts are natural and with a little practice you can change them.

Instructions for changing your thinking:
• Thought, “I will never find a new job.”
• Stop and say to yourself out loud, “Thanks for helping me!”
• Wait a second and say, “There is a chance I could find a new job.”
• Close your eyes and visualize yourself receiving a call with a job offer.

Changing the thought to a happy outcome gives you hope. When we feel hopeful things are not discouraging. The sun shines and we can see new possibilities.

With this new perspective you have a better chance of enjoying your day and discovering ways to find that perfect new job.

Put a smile on your face and say out loud, “Watch out world here I come.”

Enjoy your day!!!

Helen

Please let us know how you are doing. The Love Yourself – It Matters Community is here to support you in anyway we can.

There are Circles of Inspiration forming to support you in setting clear goals and taking quick action steps in finding well paying, inspiring work again. Check out the Love Yourself Website www.loveyourselfcoaching.com to find out about the Circles of Inspiration.

Actions for the Unemployed

2009-06-16T13:14:00.002-05:00

“Sometimes things which at the moment may be
perceived as obstacles – and actually be obstacles,
difficulties, or drawbacks – can in the long run result
in some good end which would have occurred
if it had not been for the obstacle."
Steve Allen

Reading this quote you might think to yourself how losing my job can be a good thing? I cannot find another job, working hard to keep my spirits up, and the worst part having no place to go.

What is a person do?

Yes, you might feel sorry for yourself and it is your right as a human being to have these feelings. You had a traumatic experience and need time to recover. This is a difficult time for you and everyone meaning well gives you advice which they feel you should follow right away.

As they say time heals all and with taking steps to adjust to your new life you will create a new normal. Prior to losing your job your normal was to spend at least 8 hours a day at work. Now you spend those same 8 hours worrying about your new lifestyle.

I have been working with Mary, a client who just 10 months ago had a job and was worrying about not being able to lose weight. Two months later she learned that the division she was working for had plans to layoff 70 people. Not feeling threatened she went to work every day and as time went on learned she was one of the 70 being targeted.

Her first response, how could this happen to me, I am a great worker and received excellent reviews. They probably made a mistake, will call me back into the office to let me know how sorry they were for making a mistake and they want me to stay. This scenario never happened.

We continued working together and changed our focus. The first object was for Mary to adjust to her new normal. Create a plan that would make her feel safe again and research ways to start the job search.

During this period, Mary implemented the following steps:
• Every morning upon rising she would follow her normal routine of getting dressed and making sure the children were at the bus stop on time. This sense of routine gave Mary and her children a sense of comfort that nothing was wrong.
• Followed her exercise program. Exercising gave her strength to go on and a feeling she was taking care of herself.
• Researched different job opportunities. This action gave Mary the feeling she was doing something in finding a new job.
• Attended networking events for jobseekers. Meeting other people in the same situation gave Mary the feeling she was not alone. They supported each other with resume writing, interview role playing and keeping each other optimistic.
• Preparing dinner for the family every evening and spending time with her children and husband. Created a feeling for everyone that life was continuing and they did not have to worry about what was going to happen.

Taking these initial steps on a daily basis gave Mary the courage and strength to continue her job search. She continually stepped out of her comfort zone, learned new things about herself and within time Mary was offered two different jobs which would be considered a promotion from her previous job.

So as Steve Allen quote states, sometime obstacles can in the long run result in a opportunity which would never have occurred if you did not experience the lose.

If you are among the unemployed and need support please let us know by leaving a response in the comment box. Remember the Love Yourself – It Matters Community is to here to empower you during your journey.

Many unemployed people are reading this blog and by sharing tools you have found can help others. Together we can make this journey a little easier and within time everyone will be working.

If you know of anyone who is traveling the unemployed journey please tell them about the Love Yourself - It Matters Blog. Together let's help make their life a little easier.

Helen

Helen

Tips for the Unemployed

2009-06-09T08:00:00.003-05:00

“To be upset over what you don’t have is to waste what you do have.”
Ken Keyes, Jr.

As human beings, we are wired to automatically focus on what we don’t have, instead of thinking about all the gifts we are constantly receiving.

What is a person to do?

In my group coaching circles, I have been working with women who have joined the roles of the unemployed. At first they are relieved the horror of not knowing is over. Then comes the trauma of being displaced, feelings of failure and anxiety of never being able to find another job.

It is understandable they feel this way. Women, for most of their adult lives rise in the morning, get dressed and leave for work. Come 9:00am and they have no place to go.

It has been suggested to rise at your regular time, get dressed and start researching job options. Who are they kidding?

I have been working with my clients to create a plan they feel comfortable implementing. By having a goal and taking small steps, builds their comfort level and sense of fulfillment.

Each person has their own needs and agenda. What will work for one person will not necessarily work for someone else.

However, here are 7 basic steps that can work for all of us:

1. Eat a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner
2. Wear clothes that make you feel good
3. Practice good hygiene
4. Exercise daily, even if you just take a walk around the block
5. Only focus on two or three steps a day. Otherwise your steps will become overwhelming and in all probability you will not accomplish anything
6.Join a support group
7.Take a daily mini-vacation – take 10 minutes a day to do something just for you. Examples: Just sit in a chair and relax; take a walk; read a book.

Be aware of the new opportunities that are presenting themselves to you daily.

I once heard a great quote: “When one door closes, it is hell waiting in the hallway, so pull up the shade and look out the window.”

Good Luck!

Learn how you can get support while being unemployed. The previous article is a flyer for the Circle of Inspiration for the Unemployed. Come join us or pass the flyer on to anyone you know that is unemployed and looking for support.

The Love Yourself – It Matters Community is forming a support blog for the unemployed in their time of need. If you know of anyone who is on this journey please tell them about the Love Yourself – It Matters Blog.

Please join me in writing your tips on how to motive yourself, make life easier and able to smile at the end of the day. I am looking forward to reading your tips on the Love Yourself- It Matters Blog.

Circle of Inspiration

2009-06-01T12:05:00.005-05:00

“How to find the perfect job so that you can feel self-assured, make money and be happy again”

Join the Circle of Inspiration; a group for professional women who are recently unemployed, who want to connect with smart individuals, and find the job of their dreams.

See you in the Circle, next session starts, July 6, 2009

Who is leading the Circle of Inspiration?
Helen Burton, CEC, ACC, founder of Love Yourself Coaching, has been leading circles and mastermind groups for seven years. As an expert group leader, Helen has helped many individuals gain the confidence needed to be a successful professional. For more information about Helen, visit her on the web at LoveYourselfCoaching.com.

What does the Circle of Inspiration do?
The Circle coaches unemployed, professional women to set clear goals and take quick action to finding well paying, inspiring work again.

Can you commit to 30 Minutes a week?
A weekly phone call is all it takes to meet up with the Circle. Each member will set their intention for the week, receive laser coaching and agree to steps to accomplish their next objective.

Here is an example of how the Circle works:
Claire’s goal for the week is to brush up on her interview skills. Claire agrees to the following action items:
• Prepare a brief, interesting summary about her work experience.
• Email a member of the Circle, a compelling list of distinguishing skills set that would be valuable to an employer.
• Role-play an interview with a few Circle Members.

Avoid simple mistakes!
Looking for employment, in this uncertain economy, is not an easy task on your own. After contributing to the household income for many years, women are concerned about how they will pay for their kid’s education or meet other expenses, now that they are temporarily unemployed.

Brainstorming and sharing ideas with smart, experienced professionals, creates a unique environment for women who are feeling anxious, frustrated or unmotivated about looking for their next job. Don’t look for a job alone, it’s much easier when you have help and encouragement.

Stay Fresh! The Circle is the perfect resource to stay current about researching your next job opportunity. Let the Circle help empower you.

Be accountable. It’s easier to succeed when you are surrounded by helpful, positive professionals who provide you with immediate feedback to help you to stand out among the crowd!

Who should join the Circle?
• Unemployed professionals
• 15 years or more of corporate experience
• Feeling anxious about being unemployed
• Want an easy and affordable way to connect with other women professionals
• You are a consistent wager earner

Circle Testimonial:
“I feel very fortunate to have Helen Burton coaching me through this difficult period of unemployment. Helen has a unique ability to help me move forward professionally. She helps me to draw on my past successes in order to set concrete and realistic goals for myself. Through her uplifting coaching methods, I have become a much more confident and proactive professional.
I am extremely grateful to have had the opportunity to work with such gifted career coach.”
Lyn Cleary Barrington, RI

Share this flyer with your friends.
The Circle is affordable! $49 a month.

Join! Become a member of the Circle! Email Helen at: helen@loveyourselfcoaching.net

Living Your Own LIfe

2009-05-23T11:35:00.000-05:00

“We have all been placed on this earth
to discover your own path,
and we will never be happy
if we live someone else’s
idea of life.”
James Van Praagh

What a powerful quote! How easy to live someone else’s idea of life. We don’t have to make choices or take a risk. The only problem we lose our identity and are sometimes filled with resentment.

Questioning who we are and what the purpose of our life are the hidden agendas of our beings. We have a drive within to feel good about ourselves and accomplish activities that make us excel.

Cheryl a very successful doctor married and has two grown children. She has been feeling her life has no meaning. Her children are both married have children of their own and are busy with their lives. Cheryl resents the fact she only hears from them if they need something. This is her perception.

She has lived her life through her children and husband. It does not matter she is a very successful doctor with patients who absolutely love her.

Asking Cheryl about her practice she dismisses it and says, “It is no big deal, my husband and children are more successful than me.”

What is wrong with this picture??

This opinion is not limited to women only, men also have the misconception if their partner makes more money they are more successful in their eyes.

What is success??

We sometimes are under the misconception that if a person makes more money they are successful. This idea is farther from the truth.

Success is what makes us feel good and a sense of accomplishment. Living our own life gives us this sense of fulfillment.

Working with Cheryl, she started discovering what a beautiful and successful person she had become. Today Cheryl acknowledges her special gifts, shares her life with others and feels content. What a beautiful gift she has given herself.

Some of the small steps Cheryl took to change her life perception:

• Everyday wrote in her “Me” journal what special gifts she were aware of that day.
• Took time to do nice things for herself at least once a week.
• Shared her ideas and dreams with her husband. This big, big step improved their relationship. Now they plan together.
• Invited her children to different events and let them know they were under NO obligation to accept the invitation. A miracle happened by giving her children an invitation with no pressure has opened a door of communication.

Living our own life and sharing it with others has given us a beautiful gift and freedom to accomplish our private dreams.

Please share with the Love Yourself – It Matters! blog community the experiences and miracles you have received while living your own life and sharing it with others.

Have a beautiful Memorial Day Weekend!!! Remember you are a special person and taking care of yourself with food and in stressful circumstances will give you the greatest gift possible.

Helen

Pet Stories

2009-05-12T09:06:00.002-05:00

Do you have a pet? I have two cats and their names are Alfie, a black cat with a white patch on his stomach and Alice who is white and grey with a pink nose. Both my cats have different personalities. Alfie is very loving and Alice considers herself a princess.

Both cats are teaching me how to love and accept love unconditionally. LOVE has always been easier for me to give then to receive. I'd much rather give someone a gift and watch them excitedly opened their present. On the other hand, when someone gives me a present, I feel embarrassed.

One day, Alice was sitting on my desk while I was writing my blog and just looking at me with love in her eyes (my interpretation). I realized how uncomfortable I felt having her stare at me. What I wanted to do was pet her and stop feeling uncomfortable. Instead, I made myself sit there and enjoy the moment.

That evening, I was out to dinner with a few friends and telling them how uncomfortable I felt when Alice was staring at me with love in her eyes. Others at the table started talking about their pets and how special they were in their lives. Some of the stories are as follows:

• Jay was taking a hike in the park with his dog. Suddenly he tripped over a tree branch and fell. His dog, Spike, laid down next to him and started barking until someone came running to see what was happening. The man checked to see if Jay was alright and called 911. Jay had broken his ankle and now is perfectly fine. Spike is Jay's hero.

• Chris told us how her cat, Sadie, always sits on the floor next to her while she is working on the computer. Chris is a technical writer and sometimes experiences writers block. Sadie being there gives her moral support to continue working.

Accepting the gift of love, even from a pet, enriches your life in the following ways:

• Feeling of being wanted
• Creates intimacy
• Sense of importance
• Ability to return the love
• Supported in many ways

I would love to hear your pet stories. Please send me an email at helen@loveyourselfcoaching.net or leave them in the comment section.

Heleen

Accepting the Ordinary

2009-05-06T12:09:00.001-05:00

Most people automatically focus on what is not going right in their lives instead of the ordinary blessings occurring everyday.

We are bombarded by the drama shown in the movies, news and television. We become addicted to the excitement. Naturally we look for the drama in our lives to satisfy that addiction.

Look at your everyday ordinary activities, taking the garbage out, going to work, cooking meals and driving carpools. We take these activities for granted.

What would happen if one day we were unable to perform these ordinary tasks? At first, most of us would be grateful for a few days off and then reality would set in. Not being able to perform our usual activities creates a sense of lose.

One step you can take is start expressing your gratitude for the ordinary things in your life.

You might ask yourself, “It sounds like a good idea and not an easy thing to accomplish.”

Below are some ways you can make the transition:

• Watch the sun rise or set and express to another person how beautiful the sky looked.
• Tell your partner before going to sleep 3 things that made you happy during the day.
• Say a pray thanking the Universe for the little things in your life.
• Taking the garbage out put a smile on your face and feel the joy for doing this little task.

Expressing joy for the ordinary things in life brings you satisfaction and happiness. What a simple gift we can give ourselves that produces such meaningful results.

Please share with the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community the ordinary in your life and how these activities make you happy. Together we can support each other in making changes that will make us happy and bring serenity in our lives.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

One Step At Time

2009-05-03T13:01:00.001-05:00

“The elevator to success is out of order.
You’ll have to use the stairs…
one step at a time.”
Joe Girard

Are you someone who thinks, “Why aren’t I more successful at losing weight, building my business or finding a perfect partner?” WELCOME TO THE HUMAN RACE!!

Most of us want things to happen instantly and when it doesn’t our minds start thinking what is wrong with me or it will never happen.

Just a thought, maybe focus on the small steps we are taking to reach our goal instead of thinking everything is so hard.

Sheila was struggling with her weight and felt defeated most of the time. Every time she got on the scale the number either got larger or stayed the same.

What was a woman to do?

Sheila could continually focus on the fact of not losing weight or think about what she was learning in the weight control process.

I know it is sometimes hard to change our mindset. With a little practice we can slowly start thinking in a different way.

Sheila’s mindset changing process:
• Listed daily some of the small steps she was taking to reach her goal.
o A big breakfast helped her feel satisfied during the morning. She no longer focused on being hungry and was able to concentrate on her job.
o Exercised in the morning helped increase her energy. The feeling of being tired all the time disappeared.

• Held a rock in her hand every time she wanted to eat and told herself, “I am beautiful and the food is not going to help me feel better.” This little exercise helped Sheila walk away from the food many a time.

Practicing these two small steps helped Sheila feel good about herself and in time the weight started to disappear.

Let’s keep the Out of Order sign on the elevator and continue to use one step at a time. It is a blessing in disguise.

Please share your thoughts about keeping the elevator Out of Order and using one step at a time to reach your goals.

Helen

Reaching Your Goals

2009-04-13T12:59:00.000-05:00

“It is good to have an end to journey towards;
but it is the journey that matters in the end.”
Ursula LeGuin

When we have a dream, goal or idea burning to be accomplished our focus is on achieving it. Ideas pop into our heads and as we start taking action steps our enthusiasm is pretty high. Then life steps in and things happen to slow us down or you become discouraged.

Welcome to the human race!

As Ursula LeGuin, states in the quote above, it is good to have a goal, but what matters are the steps you are taking and your attitude.

Reaching your goal is like playing a game of cards. At first the cards are shuffled, this is the time you are brainstorming, evaluating and researching ideas. Dealing the cards, you are creating an action plan that works for you. Playing the game, you are taking action steps. Someone wins the game, you reached your goal. Everyone throws in their cards, you start thinking what’s next.

As you can see, the successes are achieving your action steps instead of reaching your goal. Most people when they reach their goal start thinking what is next.

This can be a good thing. It enables us to keep growing and become the successful person we have always wanted to be.

I am your Fairy God Mother and will grant you any wish you desire. Take your time thinking about it.

Play the game of cards by brainstorming, creating an action plan, taking the action steps and reaching your goal.

Please share with the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community your goal, action steps and how it felt when you achieved the small steps in reaching your goal.

Finding Love In Yourself

2009-04-07T11:47:00.001-05:00

Find love in yourself
in taking time for you
in celebrating your special gifts.

Find love in your family
in acknowledging each other
in telling each other, “I love you.”

Find love in friendship
in sharing and supporting one another
in knowing you are not alone.

Find love in conversations with others
in listening and learning
in contributing ideas.

Find love
in sharing YOU
with others.

The poem above represents the meaning of love for me. It has taken me many years to realize what is important in life and what is not. What I have learned is that everyday is a new beginning and by respecting me and sharing with others, I find love.

I invite you to spend time thinking about the word, “love” and what special meaning it has for you. Please leave your comments on the Love Yourself - It Matters Blog and together let’s create a new meaning for the word, “love”.

Losing Weight by Having Faith in Yourself

2009-04-01T08:03:00.003-05:00

"It’s easy to have faith in yourself and
have discipline when you’re a winner,
when you’re number one.
What you got to have is faith and discipline
when you’re not a winner."
Vince Lombardi

Reading Vince Lombardi’s quote makes you stop and think wouldn’t life be much easier if I could have faith and discipline in myself all the time, no matter what was happening in my life.

You actually do have faith and discipline all the time even when times are challenging. During the hard times, most people are thinking about their problems and quite often ideas are popping into thier heads that could solve the challenge. By focusing on the problem you have faith that things will get better and the discipline to take action.

Terri was on the planning committee for her 25th Year Class Reunion. Her main goal was to lose 25 pounds before the reunion which was 8 months away.

She joined the Weight and Exercise Program at her local hospital. Mary met with the nutritionist and planned a diet that would work for her. Then she met with the exercise trainer who mapped out a plan for her.

The first month Terri did not deviate from the food plan, exercised everyday and to her amazement lost 8 pounds. Her faith in the program was at an all time high and also felt because she was disciplined with her routine the weight would continue to melt away.

The next month she continued following the plan and only lost 3 pounds. Terri lost interest in the program, started changing her eating habits and stopped exercising. You can imagine what happened, she started gaining the weight back.

Her faith and discipline took a vacation. One morning while getting out of bed she started thinking there has to be an easier way to lose weight. Her faith and discipline were returning!

While speaking with a friend about the fact she could not lose weight and did not want to attend the class reunion. A thought popped into her head if she cut her portions in half and exercised three times a week maybe she would lose weight.

Her friend offered to try the same plan. They decided to plan their meals together every evening and to exercise together on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

Having support and a plan that worked for them both, a miracle happened, Terri and her friend lost weight.

Even though Terri was facing the challenge of not losing weight her thoughts enabled her to regain faith and discipline in herself again.

Please share your stories of when you were in a funk and your faith and discipline returned to help you find a solution to your problems. Sharing your empowering stories with the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community helps us grow and make our lives easier.

Love Helen

Positive Thinking Includes Action

2009-03-21T08:13:00.005-05:00

“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be.
If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing,
it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it.
On the contrary, if I shall have the belief that I can do it,
I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it,
even if I may not have it at the beginning.”
Mahatma Gandhi

After reading the above quote a lot of ideas popped into my head. I have often heard it said, “Your thinking creates your outcome.” Therefore, if you live by this golden rule, think positive and things will always turn out okay.

Now let’s become real and with all our positive thinking circumstances happen in our lives that cause hardships. For instance, you were at a conference all weekend and came home to find a flood in your basement. With all the positive thinking the water would not disappear in the basement.

However, if you took steps to fix the leak, clean up the water and basement you are on your way of solving the problem. What this situation is demonstrating you have to think positive and take action at the same time.

Karen, a busy executive with a large company felt that everything was working in her life except the fact she could not stop binging at night. She tried everything from attending different diet support groups, therapy, making herself think positive thoughts and getting into bed at 6:00pm. Nothing worked!

She felt what is wrong with me? I have a great job, beautiful family and loving husband. Still I can’t stop stuffing food into my mouth at night.

What was she to do?

Karen met me one day at a networking meeting and after our brief discussing we started working together. During our first session Karen realized thinking positive thoughts alone would not change the circumstances. She had to start taking action to get a different result.

We continued working together, creating a tailored action plan through trial and error, that worked for her. Within a short period of time Karen saw amazing results and the binging at night finally stopped.

What Karen did differently?
• Allowed herself to have a small snack before going to bed at night. She looked forward to the snack and did not feel deprived.
• Spent an hour each night playing games and laughing with her husband and children. Enjoying this time with her family, Karen did not think of food.
• Keeping a journal tracking her progress and actions for challenging situations. The journal helped Karen see in black and white what worked and what didn’t.
• Drinking a cup of tea and eating a piece of fruit at 3:00pm everyday. Taking the time to eat a snack satisfied Karen’s hunger and prevented her from grabbing food when she walked into the house.
• Taking time for herself each day. Treating herself special enhanced her self-confidence and made Karen feel special.

Now It Is Your Turn
Please share with the Love Yourself – It Matters Community how positive thinking and small action steps have enhanced your life. We are all in this together and by sharing our experiences helps us all to live a more empowering and happy lifestyle.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Making This Day Special

2009-03-05T11:48:00.001-05:00

“Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen hard
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Continue to learn.
Appreciate your friends.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.”
Mary Anne Radmacher

Wow!! Wouldn’t life be beautiful if we could simply live this way?

Aren’t you waking up every morning and thinking today is going to be a special day? I am going to eat healthy, exercise, laugh at my silliness, appreciate people and enjoy every moment of the day? For most of us, the answer, “NO” is loud and clear.

Okay, guys let’s turn this perception around and see how we can bring a little happiness and sunshine into our lives.

Let’s take a step back and see what small changes we can make in our lives. Nothing too hard!

Thinking about how we can take a small step instead of move mountains, I thought of the following suggestions:

•Getting out of bed in the morning, take big steps to the bathroom while saying out loud in a quite voice, “Today is going to be a special day.”
•Look in the mirror and say in a quite voice, “You are so lucky.”
•Compliment someone who is having a hard day.
•Laugh at yourself.
•Take a small risk and tell someone about it. You can leave a comment on the Love Yourself – It Matters Blog. We love celebrating with you.

Taking one of these small steps will definitely make an impact on your life. Remember you are the driver of your bus and can make any small changes you desire. Go for it!!

Please let the Love Yourself – It Matters Community know about your brags and struggles, we are all in this together. Having each other as our support team enriches our lives and brings joy and happiness to each and everyone of us.

Make this day special!!

Helen

Being Your Own Best Friend

2009-02-26T12:36:00.002-05:00

"Friendship with oneself is very important
because without it
one cannot be friends with anyone
else in the world."
Eleanor Roosevelt

Being your own best friend is the hardest accomplishment we will ever achieve in our lives. Do you sometimes think, “I would never want to be my own best friend?”

Relax, you are not alone.

It is so easy to have thoughts that will make us feel miserable and take the sail out of our winds. Why does this happen? Some of us were taught as children, don’t brag about your accomplishments because no one will like you.

Having no one like us could be the most tragic thing in our lives. Everyone wants to be liked even if our behavior sometimes does not indicate this feeling. We are all in conflict with wanting to be liked and protecting our ego.

What is a person to do?

Let’s stop now and take a bend in the road. It’s bragging time at the old homestead. Starting this moment put a smile on your face and think about three accomplishments you are proud of and want the world to know. Don’t worry no one will hear you.

How do you feel?

Excited and scared at the same time. It is only natural to feel this way and with practice your new behavior of acknowledging your accomplishments will feel acceptable.

Start slowly! Below are some easy steps you can take for becoming your own best friend.

• Standing in front of the mirror with your eyes closed say, “I am beautiful.” When you feel comfortable slowly open your eyes, look in the mirror and say, “Hi.”
• Closing your eyes at night before going to sleep, tell yourself, “I am my own best friend.”
• Write down in a special journal your accomplishments during the day and how you feel.

Taking the time to treat ourselves special increases our self-confidence, makes us happier and we are kinder to ourselves and others.

Remember treat my best friend, _____________ like the special person he/she has become.

Now It is Your Turn:
Please try one or all of the exercises above and let the Love Yourself – It Matters Community know what miracles start happening in your life. It is bragging time at the old homestead.

Helen

Changing Your Perspective on Life

2009-02-16T16:07:00.002-05:00

Greatness comes not when things go always good for you,
but the greatness comes and you are really tested
when you take some knocks, some disappointments,
when sadness comes. Because only if you have been
in the deepest valley can you ever know how
magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain.
Richard Nixon

While reading Richard Nixon’s quote what thoughts pop into your head? Are you thinking, why do I have to experience the knocks, disappointments, in order to feel magnificent?

Here we go again, “Life’s golden rules.”

What I have been learning from life’s journey, the road to a magnificent life is paved with joy, sadness and lessons learned. Sometimes we have to experience hardship to learn from our experiences. By growing and learning we begin to see life from a different perspective and our life changes.

What always comes to mind, an alcoholic saying he is a grateful for being an alcoholic. When I first heard this expression, I thought they were crazy. What they were actually saying was by being in a 12 Step Program they learned how to change their outlook and today their life is filled with miracles.

We all have a choice when experiencing distressing circumstances we can either continue feeling sorry for ourselves or search out solutions.

Most people are immediately thinking what can I do right away instead of taking the time to grieve the loss and acknowledge what happened. We are often in a state of shock.

I was working with a client who was told by her doctor to lose weight or she would have to start taking insulin shots. After hearing this news she wanted to stop eating completely and show everyone she could lose weight in a short period of time.

Her plan did not work.

Walking into the house she started eating non-stop. During her coaching session that afternoon we discussed her distressing news and a healthy approach for solving the problem.

Below are some of the small steps Ida took:

•When she felt bad to let the feelings flow.
•Each day take small steps.

First week:
Ate a healthy breakfast.
Made an appointment with a Nutritionist
Marched in place for a minute in front of the television.
Did something nice for herself

Second week
Followed a healthy eating plan
Exercised for 5 minutes a day
Made an appointment with an exercise trainer
Did something nice for herself

Additional Weeks
Followed a healthy eating plan
Followed an exercise program
Did something nice for herself on a daily basis.

Ida had been following this plan for awhile, lost 50 pounds and never needed to take insulin shots. By acknowledging the deepest valley and taking steps to change her perspective she eventually reached the highest mountain.

Now it is your turn:
What situation in your life would you like to change? The key is to acknowledge what happened, give yourself time to grieve and at the same time take a small step. What small easy step can you take that will make a difference?

Remember nothing hard or scary at first.

Love Yourself – It Matters! Community is here to support you in anyway. Please let us know how you are doing by leaving a comment on this blog.

Helen

False-Starts

2009-02-03T12:55:00.002-05:00

Are you working toward a goal? Have you set a plan to meet that goal?

You have? Great!

Now… toss it.

That’s right, toss your plan right out the window.

“What’s this?” you ask? Has Helen, lost her marbles? Well, yes and no…

This may sound unusual but, in most cases, when we set a “PLAN” to meet a goal, it is typically, what I’d like to call a, ‘false start’.

Maybe you will recognize a ‘false start’ as I try to explain…

• You really want to loose weight. Before you can start watching the food you eat, you have to check your family calendar, (and your work calendar and your kids’ calendars…) to see when this plan will fit in your life.

• You want to create better relationships. You “plan” to buy a book and read it IN ITS ENTIRETY, before accepting an invitation that may offer you a new opportunity.

• You want to exercise more. BEFORE you can lace up a new pair of running shoes, you PLAN to listen to a 4 hour CD about the dos and don’t of getting in shape.

Now, before I continue…..THERE IS NOTHING WRONG with these steps.

Nothing wrong about doing some research or educating yourself.

The ‘PLAN’ breaks down when it takes much longer than needed or delays you from taking real action toward your goal.

My experience of helping individuals to effectively achieve their goals has helped me to immediately identify these ‘false-starts’. Clients typically are unaware of their seemingly good intentions. Having a good listener or coach, supporting you, is the best way to help you avoid this common issue.

And know this, we have all done this. Even me!

Helen’s SOLUTION:
Stop the false starts…they are nothing more than an excuse or excellent method of procrastination. Eliminate them all.

Breathe deep and promise yourself to take a small step TODAY. An example, “I will genuinely compliment someone for a job well done.”

Helen’s Incentive TIPS:
Like I said, I too, am guilty of many false-starts. This month I offer you some of my daily secrets for staying in action.
• Each Morning: Decide the small step you are going to take that day. Give yourself a beautiful gift of practicing the same step until you feel comfortable.
• During the day. Be aware of your accomplishments and lessons learned.
• At Night: Acknowledge yourself for your accomplishments and lessons learned.

Reminder: Review the lessons learned and adjust your small steps where needed. Work with a friend or join a support group so you receive and feel supported for each milestone accomplished.

Action Step: Now it’s your turn!
Let the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community be part of your support circle. Leave your comments on how 'False Starts' have stopped you in the past and what steps you take now to stay in action.

Helen

Self-Indulgence vs Self-Kindness

2009-01-29T13:32:00.001-05:00

January 2009 is coming to an end, are you thinking, “I should have stayed on my diet and would have lost 10 pounds by now.” What happened?

Resolutions don’t work. We are human beings and have our own way of living our lives. Sometimes we are being kind to ourselves and then on the other hand being our own worst enemy.

Are you thinking that living your life without self-control is being kind to yourself or is it self-indulgence? There is a difference.

Self-indulgence is acting on our gratification of desire without thinking about consequences. Looking at a piece of cake and saying to yourself, “One piece won’t hurt” and then continue eating half the cake.

Self-kindness on the other hand is asking yourself first, “What consequences will occur if I act on my desire?” By choosing not to eat that piece of cake and taking a piece of fruit instead you are being kind to You. Once you start making choices which will empower you, your life becomes easier.

I guess your next question is how do I get started? This can be accomplished by taking a small step and with practice you will be making healthy choices without thinking about them.

The first step: before you take an action stop ask yourself, “Will this help or hurt me? Keep practicing this thought provoking step until you see yourself making different changes.

This is a topic I would like to continue exploring. Please let me know your thoughts regarding self-indulgence vs. self-kindness. Together we can create a way for each and everyone of us to practice self-kindness instead of self-indulgence.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Small Positive Change

2009-01-19T14:24:00.001-05:00

“Every small positive change
we make in ourselves
repays us in confidence
in the future.”
Alice Walker

Most of us walk through our day focusing on things that are upsetting instead of ways to change our circumstances. All we have to do is take one small step to change our thinking.

I was away for the weekend and came home to find a flood in my basement. Normally I would have gone into panic mode. Instead I moved all the boxes and exercise equipment onto the dry area. Called my neighbor to borrow his dry-vac and vacuumed up the excess water.

Feeling exhausted I was proud of myself for living in the solution instead of panicking over the situation.

What can you do differently to make a small positive change to reward yourself with confidence? You may think, “I can never change my situation.”

I heard a statement the other day that I am repeating over and over again, “If I believe I will see possibilities. So instead of thinking nothing will change just keep saying, “If I believe I will see possibilities” and see what happens.

Are you ready for the small change that will build your self-confidence? Following is a simple action plan that will make you happy.

1. Ask yourself, “What is brothering me right now?
Example: My favorite jeans won’t fit anymore.
2. Will thinking about the situation make it better?
Answer: No.
3. What is something I can do that will make me happy?
Example: Wear my favorite shirt.
4. Make the small change that will make me feel confident.
Example: Take an apple instead of eating a donut.

When you continue taking small positive changes in your life the rewards are countless.

Try the above exercise and let the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community know how your confidence is rising.

If you need support please let us know by leaving a comment on the blog and we will brainstorm ideas together.

What are you doing nice for yourself Today?

Helen

Changing Eating Habits

2009-01-05T11:01:00.002-05:00

It’s January!

Have you already whispered quietly to yourself, “This year will be different; I will keep my New Year’s Resolutions and achieve my goals?”

Before you answer … let me share something interesting with you.

Doug Vermeeren (www.douglasvermeeren.com) writes about resolutions. He teaches us that, “The Traditional goal-setting formula most people follow was developed in the early 1900s in manufacturing to enable company executives to monitor the number of units coming out of a factory by a certain date. It’s a great measuring stick if you’re manufacturing products, but if you are trying to improve yourself or achieve something non-tangible, it’s a woefully ineffective and out-of-date process. For example, if your goal is to have a better relationship with your spouse, the traditional goal-setting formula simply won’t work.”

After reading this article, it’s no wonder so many of us become discouraged when our plans to change a behavior(s) does not work out.

What can we do differently?

For starters, we can accept the truth that changing a habit takes practice.

Here are some of my secrets for changing a tough habit:
1. Focus on the new habit one day at a time. Example: Only for today you will eat a healthy breakfast. If you go back to your old habit of just grabbing a cup of coffee, Stop! Acknowledge what you have done and prepare a bowl of cereal for yourself.
2. Seek support from a friend, family member or a professional. Together you can accomplish more with a team effort than alone. Celebrate after you have taken that small step.
3. Be kind to yourself if you slip. As my mother used to say, “Rome was not built in a day.” It takes time to change our habits.
4. Practice, practice and practice some more.

In a nut shell: Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge your small steps of accomplishment.

Action Step: Now it’s your turn!

What habits have you changed in the past? Do you have a tip that works well for you? Share it with everyone in the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community by leaving a comment on the blog.

If you are struggling with food and have questions please leave a comment on the Love Yourself – It Matters Blog and I will address them in my next article.

Helen

Thank You!!

2008-12-24T14:47:00.001-05:00

Greetings!

What happened? It was just July and I was coming home from my daughter Mindi’s IronMan Event in Lake Placid? Now it is December and we are busy preparing for another holiday season.

Life does have a way of flying by…

Before we turn the calendar, I want to thank all of you for being in my life and supporting our Love Yourself Coaching Groups. It has been a pleasure to create group programs that are meaningful and life changing for so many people.

• We have over 50 members in the Coaches’ Coaching Circle (Circle). The members of the Circle are getting paid for their coaching hours, earning ICF certification hours and they are creating new friendships. If you are an experienced coach and would like to join us, please send me an email and we’ll get you enrolled.

• There is a new Circle for coaches who have recently graduated or enrolled in a coaching school. The members are mentored, coached and practicing their coaching skills with an experienced coach. The program is rapidly growing. If you are a new coach, looking for ways to strengthen your coaching skills, this is the perfect circle for you. Please join us.

• The Monday Wake-Up Calls are helping the participants reach their weekly goals. Everyone in the group has become accountable for their action steps and benefiting from learning from the group’s different perspectives. The group has accomplished many rewarding goals. Contact me if you would like to learn more about how you can become efficient in obtaining your goals.

• Get Off the Diet Merry-Go-Round clients are changing their behaviors, thinking and losing weight. I feel privileged to work with this group and watching how they are able to transform their outlook towards food. If you are tired of wishing you could loose some weight, try this successful program.

Most importantly, I want to thank all of you who have helped me through this year without my best friend and husband, Bob. Life can sometimes be difficult and with all the support I am receiving it makes it easier.

My special wish for you is to enjoy the holidays without any stress. As a gift to you, I have created a short video as a reminder to treat yourself with love.

Please take some time out to relax and watch a brief (under 2 minutes) video by clicking this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBxaeqrQoMM

Enjoy!

Wishing you a holiday season sprinkled with happiness, love and abundance!

Helen

Enjoying Your Office Party

2008-12-17T13:01:00.001-05:00

“Faith is taking the first step
even when you don’t
see the whole staircase.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Reading the above quote by Martin Luther King, Jr. points out by taking that first small step without planning how you will accomplish your goal is exhibiting faith in yourself.
Having faith and continuing to take small steps you will automatically reach your goal.

Ida’s Office Christmas Party was in two days and she wanted to lose 20 pounds before the party. The frustrating thought of knowing she could not lose the weight in two days made her angry at herself. Instead of eating healthy low calorie foods she binged on the cookies and cakes everyone brought into work. Not only was Ida self-sabotaging herself she was gaining more weight. Can you identify with this situation?

I am sure everyone at one time in their life could identify with this situation. What could Ida have done differently? As Martin Luther King, Jr. suggests have faith things will work out and take that first step towards your goal.

Thinking about Ida’s situation below are some of the steps Ida could have taken instead of binging on the cookies and cakes.

• Check her closet to find an outfit she felt comfortable wearing. Buying a new sweater or blouse will make a world of difference.
• Make a beauty parlor appointment and have her hair restyled.
• Chose to eat a healthy breakfast. At the next meal chose to eat a healthy lunch. Continue this pattern throughout the day.
• Plan not to eat any cookies or cake until after the office party.
• Arrange to sit with her friends at the party.
• After the party call her phone and leave a message acknowledging herself for who she has become this year.

Now it is your turn to try this experiment. Please let the Love Yourself –It Matters Community! know if taking one of the steps above made a difference when attending a holiday party. Remember all it takes is having faith and taking small steps to reach your goal.

Are you finding it hard to enjoy the holidays? See if my brief video helps you,
Link to video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBxaeqrQoMM

Enjoy!

Helen

2008-12-10T16:04:00.002-05:00

“One has just to be oneself.
That’s my basic message.
The moment you accept yourself as you are,
All burdens, all mountainous burdens,
simply disappear.
Then life is a sheer joy,
a festival of lights.”
Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
Indian spiritual master

We constantly hear this same message over and over again. I am sad to say that if we accept ourselves as we are live becomes easier.

Your response might be, “I tried to accept myself and then I hear this little voice in my head screaming, “Who are you trying to kid, you are still fat, can’t lose weight, and get it through your head nothing will ever change.” The thoughts go on and on…

What can you do differently to let the thoughts continue and still at the same time accept yourself? This change in behavior takes time and can be accomplished by practicing small steps daily.

Some of the small steps you can take:

• When a thought enters your mind and starts screaming critical things about you. Picture a STOP sign and instantly say outloud, “I am in the process of… Example: Thought, “I can’t go to the party tonight because I gained twenty pounds.” Picture a STOP sign. Then say out loud, “I am in the process of losing weight and have lost 5 pounds.”

The idea is to change the thought and accept yourself as you are.

• Only wear clothes that fit. I know times are financially difficult for you right now. On the other hand, if you buy one or two inexpensive outfits that makes you feel attractive, it can make a world of difference.

By feeling comfortable in your clothes you will automatically accept yourself and feel attractive.

• Look at your face in the mirror and smile. Focus on the color of your eyes, your smile and say out loud, “You are beautiful, charming and a gift to the world.”

When we acknowledge who we are it gives us a sense of well being and then we start to accept who we are.

• Be kind to yourself. This maybe the hardest step and the one that is the most beneficial. You have a choice to either take an action that will hurt or help you. Example: You have a choice to either say something hurtful to someone or acknowledge them. By acknowledging the person, it gives them a feeling of acceptance and brings a smile to their face. You will also smile and feel good.

When others feel appreciated you start to accept yourself as a loving person.

Now it is your turn to experiment.

For the next four days try one or all of the steps above and see what happens. Please let the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community know what happens and whether you are feeling more accepting about yourself.

My special wish for you is to enjoy the holidays without any stress. As a gift to you, I have created a short video as a reminder to treat yourself with love.

When you can, take some time out to relax and watch a brief (under 2 minutes) video by clicking this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBxaeqrQoMM

Enjoy!

Helen

Easy Tips to Celebrating the Holidays

2008-12-01T20:14:00.002-05:00

Below is an article I wrote which has been published in various publications:

Easy tips to celebrating the holidays.
(from inside a food addict’s world)

You look great! You have been in charge of your eating and exercising all year and you love the way you feel.

Now, with your renewed confidence, you open your first holiday invitation for the season!

Are you ready? What is going through your mind….? Wouldn’t it be nice to enjoy the holidays without worries of losing control of your eating?

If you think you could use some support to get through this season, you are not alone. Most people with diet concerns struggle each holiday season, feeling frustrated and anxious.

Helen Burton, Get Off the Diet Merry-Go-Round Coach for individuals struggling with food, says, “The holidays have been reduced to getting things ‘done’ instead of taking care of ourselves.” Burton gently reminds her clients that “when self-care and self-kindness stop; sabotaging behaviors begin.”

Burton says her clients find this time of year very challenging. “Especially in our current world’s economic stress, many people are having difficulty making healthy food choices.

Burton has been working with clients for 6 years, helping them to build strong behavior habits that help control their eating. “We meet over the phone to strategize the challenges of their week and build strong coping skills. We have been preparing for the holidays since August!” Burton said.

This season, Coach Burton recommends a few easy tips to help you feel confident, before heading to your holiday parties. Use any combination of her ideas to help you enjoy a wonderful holiday season.

• Call the host a few days before the party to find out what they were serving.
• Plan what you will eat before going to the party.
• Put a ‘good luck rock’ in your pocket and touch it often to remind yourself that You are Special.
• Only, put food on your plate that you plan to eat.
• Do not go back for more food, under any circumstances.
• Pick two new people at the party you would like to get to know more about.
Introduce yourself!
• Slip outside or into the bathroom whenever you feel overwhelmed.
• Use Imagery. To help calm any anxiety, picture a bright light protecting yourself.
• Seek out friends at the party and ask for support.
• After the party, tell a friend or professional coach about the experience you had at the party. Talk about which behaviors worked successfully for you.
• Reward yourself by lightening a candle and listening to your favorite music before going to sleep.

With the right choices in behavior and surrounding yourself with supportive people, you can have a wonderful holiday season.

Make this time of year about meeting and spending quality time with people instead of focusing on the food. According to Burton, “All it just takes is a slightly different focus and things can be made easier.”

Action Step: Now it’s your turn!
How are you preparing for the holiday season? Do you have a tip that works well for you? Share it with Helen on her blog at www.theloveyourselfcoach.blogspot.com.

Wishing you a beautiful holiday season sprinkled with many happy memories!

Helen J. Burton, ACC, works with individuals who are tired of struggling with food. Register to receive more tips about how to be kind to yourself while Getting Off the Diet Merry-Go-Round at www.theloveyourselfcoach.blogspot.com.

Thanksgiving Day

2008-11-26T08:59:00.003-05:00

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing
is like wrapping
a present and not giving it.”
William Arthur Ward

Tomorrow in the United States we are celebrating Thanksgiving Day. I thought the day was about getting together with family members, eating turkey, all the other foods associated with the holiday and feeling sick because I ate too much. It never dawned on me it was a day of thinking about what you are grateful for and sharing your thoughts with others.

Many years ago when I first started on my self-growth journey, I was at a seminar and the leader suggested that we share what we were grateful for at our Thanksgiving meal. My first taught was that my family would think I was crazy and I was not going to do it. The next day I made a decision to try the exercise.

While everyone was enjoying our Thanksgiving meal, with fear in my stomach, I asked, “Everyone to say one thing they were grateful for.” At first everyone looked at me with that look in their eyes. Then my husband said, “He was grateful for being with everyone today.” Everyone joined in and it has become a family tradition to list our grateful list during the meal.

What I am grateful for this year:
• Personal Growth. I have grown personally by leaps and bounds. Today I look at life from a different perspective by enjoying each day as a special gift.
• Family and friends. I am so lucky to have family members and friends whereby we support each other.
• Eating healthy and exercising. Taking care of my body so I remain healthy, energized and active.
• Love Yourself – It Matters! Community. A community that supports each other in living life peacefully, happily and learns from life situations.

Now it is your turn!

Try asking everyone at your Thanksgiving meal what they are grateful for and let us know what happens. You can leave a comment on the Love Yourself – It Matters! Blog.

Also, I invite you to leave your Grateful List on the blog and share it with others.

Wishing you a happy Thanksgiving Day sprinkled with many special memories!

Helen