kick out california!!!

dude where's my bong?

2009-07-02T11:41:00.000-07:00

Ahhh San Francisco, home of the highest flying freak flags around.

Dude, did you, like, say high? Killer.

You know what San Francisco needs? A protection racket for BONG DEALERS!!!

DUDE!!! KILLER!!!

child labor laws and non-celebutards

2009-07-01T16:02:00.000-07:00

Ah Los Angeles, where there are RULES damnit. REAL RULES. RULES that say you can't make even just one child work more than a few hours a day, let alone eight of them that are forever doomed to D class reality trip.

I predict a "jesus christ - the pathos is killing me" tag on this one.

I get this question all the time

2009-07-01T15:56:00.000-07:00

"yo bou' - when you gonna write about how messed up California's budget is?"

well, not now. why would I bother when I can write about homeless dudes getting into arguments about quantum physics and bashing heads in with skateboards?

seriously:

homeless? check.

quantum physics? check.

skateboard? check.

headbashing? hellz yeah!

it's pronounced "poop HOY-ah"

2009-06-01T22:47:00.000-07:00

or at least that's what the feds are calling it.

in the ongoing saga that is pooping seals vs. rich kids, the seals continue pooping. praise jonas salk.

prison junkies

2009-05-27T06:06:00.000-07:00

what makes this story interesting?

junkie moms is boring newz. but CALIFORNIAN junkie moms is where it's at yo!

they don't make tin hats for stealing...

2009-05-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

...but damnit, they should.

So, the Bou' has to wonder what the root word for TRUSTee is in California because clearly, there is no traditional requirement for being trustworthy. Proof:

"The man planted the stolen ketchup bottle by my bike".

In all fairness the Bou' does support bike riding.

any guesses on settlement figures?

2009-05-15T11:10:00.001-07:00

One of the Bou's favorite things about California cops is how they seem hell bent on giving money to criminals.

take the likely settlement associated with this kick in the face.

give the guy credit for knowing when resistance is futile and making your job easier instead of kicking him in the face while he is lying prone and not moving.

oh yeah, and a few hundred thousand dollars too. good idea. THAT'll teach 'im.

''Is it normally like this, or did the intruders do it?''

2009-05-15T09:53:00.000-07:00

A lot of people don't understand that celebutards that come from money have housekeepers. The ones that have to actually work for a living, well, shit, with all the coke and dental dams she's got to buy you can hardly blame her for not keeping things super tidy.

the cougar distracts the wolf pups from her cub

2009-05-15T09:41:00.000-07:00

the working title of this post was "do you boys want a pop or a shasta?"

If only Mutual of Omaha had been Mutual of California we'd have a spectacular episode from this one.

Yes, not only is having sex with multiple teenage boys a sure fire way to distract them from your daughter, it takes a police department 42 pages to describe the scenario.

Thank you California.

Addendum - in all fairness to the mom, having a teenage daughter when you are only 30 means, well, you do the math.

first manny ramirez now this

2009-05-08T12:31:00.001-07:00

california is home to people dumb enough to take steroids even though they have to piss in a jar for their job - we knew that already.

what's new though is that there are kids in high school marching bands that are taking drugs to increase their performance.

the bou' doesn't even know what to say about that.

LA RIOTS

2009-04-30T09:19:00.001-07:00

The Bou' wants everyone to remember, it's not okay to steal Huggies, unless everything is burning and your police force is as crooked as the court system.

if THAT don't insult your manhood...

2009-04-30T09:05:00.000-07:00

California sure plays up an awful lot of macho BS - I mean first there was Eric Estrada, (man, he should have a really cool logo or something), and of course, the governator; but what's up with the glorification of the west coast thug?

ESPECIALLY WHEN A TEENAGE GIRL CAN BEAT THEIR ASSES WITH A MARCHING BAND BATTON.

for a brief moment I thought "so...?"

2009-04-30T08:55:00.000-07:00

...then I figured out the siblings who locked their retarded sister in a shed were not ten years old, but in their 40s and 50s.

ahhhh....the peninsula.

san francisco to pay $100K for telling men to pee on sidewalk

2009-04-30T01:03:00.000-07:00

there is so much wrong with this story it is almost right.

I wish there were photos.

concerned citizen stops progress

2009-04-30T01:00:00.000-07:00

some hippie is possibly preventing the entire south of california from being paved to protect a salamander that can't even cross a road without getting smooshed. I swear.

I apologize for being tardy

2009-04-27T07:42:00.001-07:00

to the whole "miss california usa" thing, but want to point out that I am not the only one with tard in the title on this one.

The Bou' has learned on good authority that Miss USA is apparently the "ghetto beauty pageant" so it should only seem natural that this spectacular story seems perfectly tailored for some quality "opinion journalism" from all sides.

Failing to see the race to win it

2009-04-27T07:30:00.000-07:00

umm, the Bou' is confused about this one.

yes, there are apparently angry people because of "affirmative action for white people"

because new admissions policies at the University of California system "will greatly expand the applicant pool, eliminate the requirement that applicants take two SAT subject tests and reduce the number of students guaranteed admission based on grades and test scores alone."

the hills of beverly

2009-04-27T07:23:00.000-07:00

So, the Bou' wants to know which is more lame:

1) Naming a bank "First Bank of Beverly Hills" even though your bank is not located in Beverly Hills

or

2) Naming a bank "First Bank of Beverly Hills" and not having your crap together enough to avoid being shut down by the government?

Thanks for getting our hopes up that a bunch of smug assholes would be losing their money only to realize it's not the same assholes we thought it would be.

Also thanks to the LATimes for the lamest URI i the history of URIs:

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/money_co/2009/04/federal-regulators-shut-down-the-first-bank-of-beverly-hills-late-today-and-said-they-would-send-checks-to-insured-deposito.html

It brings a little tattooed tear to my eye

2009-04-23T11:28:00.000-07:00

FRESNO ALERT!!!

The Bou' loves it when Fresno is in the news - and it's hard to find a better story and forcibly tattooing a seven year old with a gang sign when it comes to, well, the central valley lifestyle.

It's telling that it took two people to do this - both the tattoo artist and the father to hold the child down. Now that's true love.

helping children and fighting gangs? isn't that your job?

2009-04-21T14:37:00.000-07:00

The OC is such a special place. The OC is where cops who intimidate witnesses are allowed to ask for reduced sentances because of their record of work helping children and fighting gangs.

wait a minute... aren't you a cop? you mean you're getting paid in exchange for helping children and fighting gangs and you would get fired if you didn't and you think that means you deserve to be able to serve less time for committing crimes while supposedly enforcing the law?

well, that's just phenomenally assenine.

vegan terrorists

2009-04-21T14:12:00.000-07:00

miltant animal rights activists... hmmm...

the Bou' wonders which state they'd come from...

oh wait, no he doesn't. California, my friends. California is where Daniel Andreas San Diego, who bombed multiple facilities who contracted with an animal testing facility, lived...wait for it...no, not in the woods (good guess though) the suburban sprawl of wine country. gotta love it.

queue the line from repo man...

"I blame society - society made me what I am"

but why stop with one californian celebrity trial

2009-04-10T18:20:00.000-07:00

WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY TO CHOOSE FROM????

I will point out that mostly they blame crystal meth for all of phil spector's problems - but the Bou' knows it's really only California that can take a nice jewish boy from new york and turn him in to one of the most spectacular freaks of nature ever to point a gun at joey ramone.

when the top and the bottom get to scrappin'

2009-04-10T17:41:00.000-07:00

man, woody allen and dov charney bitch slapping each other in court. California is an amazing place.

but justin is doing so much for the california economy

2009-03-28T13:20:00.000-07:00

The Bou' would like to thank everyone involved in this heartwarming story of self sacrifice:

Carrie Lopez, who represents at least one consumer who is a big fans of Justin Timberlake, resigned after it came to light that she apparently considers stealing from poor people a sport.

so many venues for flaming

2009-03-28T13:11:00.000-07:00

when your mayor is highlighting the number of venues for being flaming, well, I mean the Bou' doesn't really know what to say to you san francisco.

The ACTUAL QUOTE: "But (Twitter) is not a forum for flaming. There are plenty of those in San Francisco."