On The Road

Ups and Downs

2009-11-02T18:37:00.002Z

So I have been reading the works of Eckhart Tolle over the last few weeks and I guess we come to things when we most need them.

His philosophy is all about being in the "now", about not clinging to the past or being a victim of your own past, and about not craving a future which will never come. Its a very Buddhist concept and I'm sure Mr Tolle would be the first to admit that that's where he got his idea from.

What he's done is put the message in plain english, so the even the most simple minded of us can grasp it. The last few weeks however, have tested my grasp of these teachings to the fullest. First there was the big shake-up in my working life, then last week I got the results of a series of blood tests which indicate I have Lupus. Basically my immune system has turned on my body and begun attacking it.

This is all very new to me, and I'd be the first to admit I know very little about the subject, I only realised something was wrong when I could no longer get my diamond ring on cos my knuckles had swollen up! Over the last few months I had noticed all of my joints were becoming more and more painful, and that I was feeling tired a lot more than I should be. I was putting it down to over zealous exercise and the menopause, well now I know differently.

I've got to have a lot more tests done, and the decline isn't rapid - well not so far - so hopefully by staying fit and eating well I should be able to stave off the worst of it all.

Just goes to show that there's very little point in planning too far ahead, being in the now is what counts!

What a Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-10-23T12:08:00.002+01:00

So this week has panned out rather differently than I expected, and it's not over yet!

Last Sunday I saw the fabulous Dr Blum for my post-Botox check up. I'd toyed with the idea of getting the fillers and mesotherapy but the reality is that at the moment it seems an unnecessary expense. I was more impressed with the little taster of Carboxy Therapy that he gave me on my thigh lift scars last time. While the scar was still there, it was a lot smoother and far less 'angry' looking. As he gave me a teeny touch up of botox in my neck, I told him that if I were to pay for any treatments it would be that.

Luckily for me its way cheaper than the fillers and stuff, and even luckier for me, he gave me a full session for nowt! He injected Co2 into my leg and tummy scars, even the scar where my new belly button is, and for the piece de resistance, he injected the Co2 into my neck! Now there aren't any scars there, but ever since I had all the excess skin removed from my neck, 18 months ago, I've had two red patches under each ear. It was like a cross between bruises and rosacea. Well less than a week after the treatment, its 80% gone!!!!! The carbon dioxide has done what massage and Creme de la Mer couldn't!

Dr Blum aka Dr Chez Vous works out of Beauty Works West in Lambton Place http://www.beautyworkswest.com/drblum.html and I can't recommend him highly enough!

So that was Sunday, Monday was cool, bit of exercise, a flu jab and some socialising with a good friend. Tuesday started off well too, hardcore yoga, lunch with a pal and some work on my TEFL course. Tuesday night all hell let loose as the news broke that Regent Inns - Jongleurs' parent company - had gone into pre-pack administration and five venues were shut that day, for good!

Of course I had weekends booked in at all five clubs and a copy of a contract confirming this. Three of the weekends were just general shows but the other two were Xmas runs - the gigs that pay the income tax bill - so I wasn't best pleased to say the least!

I emailed the booker and on Wednesday received and email telling me they were going to honour the gigs and pay us. "Fabulous" I thought, "that sleepless night was for nothing". To celebrate I went out and saw some art - the incredible Ed Ruscha at the Hayward, who just blew my mind - and the Turner Prize Nominees at Tate Britain. My tip for the winner is Roger Hiorns. I even bought myself a piece of art in the shape of a silk scarf designed by previous winner Grayson Perry.

All the while, my thoughts were with the staff of the five clubs that closed, the rumours are that they are not even getting this month's salary, on top of being jobless at Xmas. Poor fuckers.

Thursday morning and I am just leaving the gym, en route to the library, when I get another call from Jongleurs telling me that the new owners have decided not to honour the gigs and pay us after all. Basically, contract or not, we have to get in line with everybody else they owe money to and hope for a few crumbs.

Now I am far from wealthy, but you know what? I would rather any money they were ever gonna pay me goes to the poor sods who've worked really hard running those venues and working in the kitchens, behind the bars etc., they are the real losers here.

Anyway, last night I was doing the lovely Funny Side Of... double up in the City and Covent Garden. I dunno if it was the threat of impending poverty and the thoughts of a dozen comedians chasing each gig or not, but I seemed to shift up a gear. I had two fantastic shows and came up with a ton of new stuff!

I'm off to Portsmouth later today to play the Wedgewood Rooms and I'm hoping this good vibe lasts. Maybe this week's events were the kick up the ass I needed!

Twelve Months After

2009-10-12T17:14:00.005+01:00

Last Saturday - 10 October - marked 12 months since my final lot of plastic surgery in Kuala Lumpur. Thinking back on it all, it was a fairly traumatic experience - having to cancel my week with the orangutans being the most upsetting part to be honest!

A year later, are there any regrets? Nope. Not one. If you can't be bothered to read back to my blogs of the whole experience, I basically had a 360 degree body lift, and a thigh lift to remove the excess skin caused by my 10stone weight loss. It wasn't without it's dramas, like the stitches coming undone on the thighs twice, but the surgeon Dr Jalil was a fantastic man who put me at my ease.

I went there with a company called Gorgeous Getaways and I would thoroughly recommend them as a way of having plastic surgery abroad. The staff were really kind - especially Ndang who was my daily visitor, ready to run any errands I might have and even doing my laundry for me! On top of that she never once failed to make me laugh and see the bright side of the most trying of circumstances.

I can't say that it was much cheaper than having it all done here, but I did get a month in a six star hotel and the most amazing aftercare - which I wouldn't have gotten here for that price. This is the link to their site http://www.gorgeousgetaways.com/home.htm

The scars are still pretty severe, but as I was mincing around London this summer in my cut-off denim shorts and sunbathing in my bikini with not one ounce of shame, I knew it had all been worth it.

On the scar front, I saw a new botox doctor a couple of weeks back the wonderfully named Dr Chez Vouz - on account that he leathers up and comes to you on his motorbike armed with syringes full of wrinkle-busting poison. I actually went to him cos he works out of Beauty Works West in Lambton Place, W11. Its the third time I've had botox and Dr Blum was the third doctor to administer it, I have to say I think he's been the best yet! He also has this neat thing where you go back two or three weeks' later and he tops you up, thus avoiding the Danni effect.

If you wanna go and see him here's the link http://www.beautyworkswest.com/

Anyway in addition to freezing my face, Dr Blum also demonstrated a wonderful new machine he has to obliterate scars. He blasted a bit of the scar on the back of my left thigh, and whilst it hurt like hell, it's definitely faded a fair bit! I'm seeing him for my top-up this weekend so will find out exactly what it is he used.

Ain't science brilliant!

La La Liverpool

2009-10-12T17:03:00.002+01:00

Soooo here I am, on the train in my bargain first class seat, and I am online! For free! How awesome is that? It feels like I am living in the future!

My Liverpool weekend was just amazing from start to finish. I had an incredible deal at my hotel, I got three nights in a 4* hotel for £60 total cos I had so many loyalty points. And now that I am a non-smoker they gave me a really amazing room with an enomous bed and writing desk and huge bathtub! The hotel also had a fabulous gym, pool and sauna suite, which I made full use of.

The gigs at Comedy Central @ Baby Blue were amongst the best I have ever had, especially Saturday night's which was so much fun. The line-up also included Chris Ramsey who is a fantastic up-and-coming act and a great MC, the lovely Chris McCausland and Mat Price, who I'd not seen before but enjoyed immensely. The audiences were wonderful and 'got' everything I said!

Its been a couple of years since I've gigged in the city and boy, has it changed!!!!!!! Entirely for the better too. The marvellous new Liverpool One development meant that on Friday I had somewhere to have lunch with the gorgeous Johnny Candon who was performing at the Rawhide comedy club, and on Saturday I had an endless selection of shops to visit!

Saturday also saw me take in a visit to the Tate Liverpool, where I saw three fabulous exhibitions - the Mark Rothko Seagram paintings, the Michael Landy/Tinguely show, and a terrific sculpture exhibition that took up two floors and was filled with all kinds of brilliant stuff! If you live anywhere nearby you really owe it to yourself to take a look. You don't even have to pay!

How Exciting!!!!!!!!

2009-10-07T19:48:00.004+01:00

So tomorrow I am off to do some gigs at Baby Blue in Liverpool.

Its been ages since I played in the city and I am really looking forward to it. Not only do I have a fab hotel with a gorgeous pool and gym, but there's also some great exhibitions on at the Tate and the Walker Galleries. All being well I should be seeing work by Michael Landy, Mark Rothko, and Bridget Riley!

All that and a chance to show off for cash too!

Pop Life!

2009-10-05T21:20:00.002+01:00

Not the Prince tune, the exhibition at the Tate Modern that opened last week. I was lucky enough to get an invite to the Private View, and got there before the crowds arrived. It was really comprehensive in that it had a bit of something by everyone - apart that is, from Richard Prince, his picture of a naked 10 year old Brooke Shields had been removed on 'police advice' before the doors were opened - but everything else was there and available to view.

You had to be 18 or above to see Jeff Koons fucking his ex-wife in both glass and in paint, both pieces are gorgeous, tho not really erotic. I love that fact that Mr Koons has given himself a rather large penis. Now that's what I call artistic license!

There's some Hirst, Emin, Warhol, Lucas, etc etc etc. Its a one stop PopArt experience.

If you are not that sussed when it comes to this genre, then this is a brilliant introduction, I would've preferred a bit more depth, but somehow the shallowness of the show suits the subject.

Chattin' Shit

2009-10-05T20:25:00.002+01:00

Soooooo it's been far too long since I blogged and that is gonna change. I think doing the constant updates on Twitter (I'm MissJoJoSmith on there) have meant that blogging feels like I'm repeating myself, or something!

Anyway last week I did a load of gigs. Wednesday saw me hosting a Comedy Speed Dating night at Up The Creek. I'd never been to one before, so was fascinated to see how it works. I was pleasantly surprised to be really honest. Almost everyone was really young and attractive, and only a couple of the guys looked like rapists! There was also more men than women which surprised me immensely.

My job was to commentate on how thing were going between the 20-odd couples, but of course they were all so busy getting to know each other, that I was getting in the way really. At the end of the dating, everyone seemed really happy and one couple was snogging! Rob Collins did a set at the end and it was all a fabulous success I reckon.

Thursday saw me back in Greenwich for Up The Creek's 20th Birthday Party. It was a benefit for the Damelza Children's Hospice - a fantastic cause - and there was a right motley crew of comics there! Everyone from Chris Luby to the gorgeous Ninia Benjamin to Andrew Maxwell! Kevin McCarthy MC'd the opening section and I ended up being the first act on. I had a terrific time, really great fun. I stuck around for a couple of drinks and some delicious Thai food, along with a catch up with some of my most favourite people.

Friday and Saturday saw me at Battersea Jongleurs hosting fantastic bills on both nights. I had a real blast and even got a chance to see the fabulous Tara Flynn who turned up with her handsome fiance on Saturday night to watch the early show.

In the 90 minute break in between shows, myself, Nick Wilty and Rudi Lickwood were all interviewed by Phil Butler for the comedy podcast he does. I was dead impressed at how professional both the technology and his interviewing skills were. Listen to it yourself at http://thegreenroompodcast.com/ or click on the title of this blog to go to the site. There's 14 other shows to catch up on!

Edinboro!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-09-06T20:56:00.006+01:00

So a couple of weeks back now I left behind the sunshine of London and made my annual 48 hour excursion to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. This has been a tradition of mine for six years now, thanks wholly to my darlingest, best comedy chum Stephen K Amos. He does a show every year, each time in a bigger venue than the previous year. This year he was playing to sold out houses in a 750 seater venue at The Pleasance. He was previewing the show he'll be taking around the country from now till February 2010, "The Feelgood Factor". If you haven't bought your tickets to see it in a venue near you, get on and do it. Its Stephen at his best!

He very graciously puts me up in his flat, and I get to hang out with him for a couple of days. Every year we have a right laugh and this year was no different.

Other than that, life has consisted of lots of gigs here, there and everywhere, with loads of great comedians, lots of exercise, and tons of yoga.

Life is pretty calm - can't tell you how good that feels!

Catching Up On Culture!

2009-08-04T20:36:00.003+01:00

So what with the swine flu and life in general, my outside interests had taken a bit of backseat. In the last few weeks tho I have been making up for lost time.

I headed off to the Serpentine Gallery to see their summer exhibition. This time it's Jeff Koons' Popeye Series, and as always with his work it blew me away! The sculptures that look like giant seaside inflatables are actually made aluminum and really dare you to touch them, just to be sure. I guess that's why there's so many staff wandering about!

The paintings are pop art at its best and I seriously wanted to bring them all home with me. If only those EuroMillions numbers would come up!

I was there before the Pavillion was unveiled but judging by the photos, that looks pretty awesome too. From above it looks like a river of mercury flowing around the park and was designed by the same Japanese architects that did the gorgeous New York New Museum. See em both!

I've also been going to the cinema a fair bit for both high and lowbrow films. I saw Bruno which made me gasp, squeal and cackle with glee at Sasha Baron Cohen's balls of steel, I also saw The Hangover which was great fun too. One that didn't make me laugh quite so much (apart from at the godawful dialogue) was AntiChrist. Lars von Trier's latest piece of "art". I'm glad I saw it but it really was dreadful. Like watching a really slow motion car crash, you should turn away but you can't!

Today I saw Audrey Tatou's new one Coco Avant Chanel. I can't recommend this one highly enough. Its less a chick flick, more a woman's movie. Ms Tatou perfectly captures Mlle Chanel, the clothes are exquisite and the whole movie just looks beautiful. After seeing it, I am not sure I can ever wear Primark again!

You Swine!!!!!!!!!

2009-07-24T19:06:00.002+01:00

So here's a lesson in taking the piss and karma.

Last weekend I was working at Up The Creek - where I had two brilliant gigs btw - and on the Friday night there was a woman on the front row who was a swine flu survivor. I actually thought that just breathing the same air as her would make me immune! On Saturday night the fabulous Jason Wood was on and he is obsessed about catching it. He's got anti-bac gel everywhere and even wears the masks! I was teasing him saying 'Oh it's no big deal! If you're gonna catch it you will and if you won't, you won't'.

Cut to Tuesday night and I noticed my night sweats were far more hardcore than they have been - more than menopause. I woke up on Wednesday not feeling all that great and actually changed my plans from a session at the gym to a session in TopShop, but even in there I wasn't feeling that great. My chest hurt, I was coughing and sneezing, I was hotter than usual, and had the beginnings of a headache. By Wednesday night I was aching everywhere - even my eye sockets! - and the sneezing and coughing was getting worse.

Thursday morning I had the shits and felt really sick on top of all the other symptoms, so went online to check the NHS Direct site, as I ticked box after box I began to feel a bit panicky. The result was "phone your GP". I did and a few hours later I was taking my first Tamiflu capsule.

I had to cancel my gigs at Camden Jongleurs this weekend. I doubt I could've made it to the stage, but once you have this you're not supposed to leave the house anyway. As much as I hate losing money, I couldn't live with myself if I'd infected my colleagues.

It really is a fucker tho, apart from all the usual flu symptoms cranked up to 11, I've also got this weird spacing out thing where its like I've been in a trance for a few minutes before I'm back in the room.

Oh well, at least I get to catch up on all my missed sleep, and I've learned not to take the piss!

More Banksy!!!!!!!!

2009-07-22T09:49:00.002+01:00

I guess Banksy shows are like buses, you wait ages for one then a bunch come along at once!

The old Theatre Museum in Covent Garden is playing host to a show called Please Love Me, a selection of works found in and around London over the last 10 years. Its on till 25th and is unofficial apparently, but its great to see the pieces!

Fabulous stuff!

Banksy Vs Bristol Museum

2009-07-16T19:39:00.002+01:00

I went today. Oh My God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The most amazing exhibition I have ever seen! Please Mr Banksy "borrow" one of my jokes and give me the McNugget Chicks as payment!!!!!

or this one

or this one!

What The Dickens?????

2009-07-05T19:50:00.002+01:00

So, Friday night - with Blur's The Universal still running round my brain - I took a train to Chatham, to do a gig for Jongleurs On The Road.

Most of these gigs are in theatres or arts centres and while I don't do too many of them, I've yet to have a dodgy one. In fact they're usually really lovely.

This one was in a place called Dickens World. As in Charles Dickens. The bloke wot wrote Oliver Twist, who never lived a day of his life in Chatham!

I'd had all kinds of warnings from my peers about what a horrible gig it is, but I refused to let their words get to me, I was looking forward to it. After all, a Charles Dickens inspired theme park has gotta be pretty amazing, right?

Misconception number one is that its a theme park. From the outside it looks like a huge Allied Carpets superstore. It blends in beautifully with all the other units on this nondescript retail park.
Inside, it went from faceless lobby, to country style bar, to full on film set space that looked very much like they'd inherited it from Lionel Bart's Oliver, then through to the Britannia Theatre where the show was due to take place. This part of the building looked like another gig I've done a few times - The Swan Theatre in High Wycombe -all completely bizarre!

The bill was strong - fabulous Andrew Bird, wonderful Orangutan expert Noel Britten, and new to me but not to showbiz act Kev Orkian (its an abridged version of his real name apparently, not a play on Jack Kevorkian the suicide doctor) - the audience were really lovely, and the show was really good fun.

I have to give a shout out to the staff all of whom were so helpful and generous and made us all feel a bit special. What a treat!

Last night saw me back Up The Creek - I was there last weekend as MC and had two blinding nights - but this time I was there to do a set. It's been ages since I've done a set anywhere and I was nervous. As a compere you can really own this room, so there was a risk I might die on my ass doing a turn. As it turns out, that was most definitely not the case. I had a blast, I f**king loved it, and from now on I am going to be doing more sets. Sometimes its nice to have all the glory for yourself!

Even tho I could've buggered off as soon as I was done, I didn't. I stuck around and watched one of my comedy faves Otiz Canneloni MC - magnificent as always - as well as two more of my favourite men on the circuit Paul Sinha and Craig Campbell - both of whom were a joy to watch.

What a cracking weekend!

Golden Oldies

2009-07-05T19:39:00.002+01:00

This year seems to be all about the comebacks for me. Musically speaking that is.

I started the year with the wonderous Grace Jones at the Roundhouse, followed that up with The Specials at Brixton Academy who exceeded all my expectations and then some, and then last week me and my pal Paul headed off to Hyde Park to witness the triumphant return to London of Blur.

I'd bought the tickets last year and got them cos I kinda felt I should - if that makes sense - I was a fan but not a fanatic you know? To tell the truth I was as much a fan of Damon and Graham's solo efforts as I was of them as Blur.

All that changed when I saw them live last week. It was such a joyous celebration. A celebration of music in general, of their music in particular, of life, of London, of humanity. All of which sounds a bit soppy I know but the gig just had such a great vibe.

I really hope that's not the end of their reunion, given the type of things Graham and Damon have been up to in the intervening years, I think a new Blur album would be something pretty awesome!

I don't think they will stop there, they looked like they were having way too much fun. Alex James never looked as happy yakking about cheese as he did jumping up and down with a fag hanging out of his mouth playing at being a rockstar again! Dave and Graham looked a bit overwhelmed, and Damon had moist eyes more than once, when he didn't have the biggest shit eating grin on his face that is!

We want more Blur please.

What Else...

2009-06-20T12:56:00.002+01:00

... have I been doing recently?

I'm struggling to remember to be honest!

The boob saga is drawing to a close as the wound is all but healed now which is a massive relief. I must say a huge thanks again to Mr Jan Stanek and his brilliant nurse Steph for treating me. The problem was nothing to do with the work he'd done on me last year, but he fixed it free of charge as the NHS fobbed me off with some bullshit lines.

The massive upside is a pair of the perkiest titties ever seen on a 48 year old woman! I don't even need to wear a bra! Fabulous!

I went to see a whole bunch of my comedy chums in the new Ken Loach movie Looking For Eric. I'm not really a football fan, but it didn't matter. Its a fantastic story, really funny and really gritty. Cantona was terrific, and best of all, none of my mates were crap in it! So well done to Smug Roberts, Justin Moorhouse, MIck Ferry and Greg Cook.

I've really gotten into the gym as well as my yoga classes, and most days do at least a workout or a class. It's paying off in all kinds of ways. Physically obviously, but also mentally and there's nothing like aching limbs to focus your mind away from anything that isn't right in your life! I've even started running on the treadmill now!

I know its probably a bit tedious for everyone else, but I really can't stress enough how fantastic it is to be fit, the novelty of not being hugely overweight and sweating just putting my shoes on, has yet to wear off!

Its Been A Long Time ....

2009-06-17T19:33:00.002+01:00

Since I blogged and while life has been a bit hectic that's not the reason.

A couple of weeks ago we had the European Elections, and like most folks I went to cast my vote. I was horrified to see the BNP right at the top of the list of candidates. Like a lot of people, I too am pissed off with the Labour Party, Gordon Brown, and the whole expenses scandal concerning MP's across all parties. Something inside me wouldn't let me put my cross by the Labour candidate's name for the first time since I was 18. So, as a protest, I voted for Arthur Scargill's "real proper left wing socialist Labour party" or whatever they're called. I wouldn't say I was a socialist even with a small "s" but I saw Mr Scargill give a speach once at County Hall and he was awesome, so he got my vote. Quite a few of my pals voted Green for similar reasons. That's what a protest vote is.

A protest vote is not being pissed off with Labour and voting for the BNP. When the results came in and that abhorrent creature Nick Griffin was elected as a member for the North West, along with his fellow thug Brons in Yorkshire, I actually did feel a little bit of sick in the back of my throat. What made me more ill, was the media saying 'Oh people voted for them as a protest against Gordon Brown'. You don't become a nazi cos of the recession, you don't vote for a party who believes that anyone who isn't white and British born has no right to live in this country, you just don't!

People voted for the BNP because they are racist, because their own small lives are easier to bear if they can blame "them" for the fact that they are redundant as a human being. The "them" they hate can be anyone from a homosexual, an Afro-Carribean woman, a Polish plumber, a Muslim or a Jew. It really doesn't matter, these people choose to hate rather than do something to change their own situation.

Anyone who knows me or has seen my act, will know that I am a billion miles away from Mark Thomas when it comes to political comedy, but racism is the one thing I've never got. It just seems such a stupid thing to hate someone cos they are different. We are all bloody different!

At 16 I was on the Rock Against Racism march to Victoria Park, along with a gazillion other punks, politicos and ordinary people. In South Africa I got shit for standing up to a PR guy who set us all up on a lunch with a "nazi" politician.

I've had bleach squirted under my front door and was even attacked by youths where I used to live - because I have black friends. I even got hate mail from Combat 18 when I was writing about telly for the Standard cos they thought JoJo was the name of a black man! FFS!!!! I was surprised those morons could actually write a letter I have to say!

Anyway, that's why I haven't blogged cos I didn't wanna just say 'anyone who voted for the BNP is a thick racist cunt' . I mean they are, but I wanted to be calmer before I spoke my mind.

My wish is that one day we all wake up and realise that we are on this planet together, we need to work as a team, not English against Scots, black against white, gay vs straight, Jew vs Muslim. We are all in it together, so lets stop fucking about and start caring for each other!

Sorry.....

2009-05-30T13:34:00.002+01:00

Just realised its been aaaages since I've written a blog. I think its the Twitter effect. Cos I spend a fair amount of time uploading various banal thoughts and actions on there, its kinda taken away the need to blog so often.

The other thing is that life really does seem to be frantic at the moment. Most mornings are taken up either with dashing down to Wimpole Street to have the dressing on my breast changed (its healing nicely btw) or going to my new gym.

I finally got my first workout programme, once the hand had healed from the shattering glass doorknob saga, and while its a fraction of the stuff I was doing at home, but infinitely more effective! Just little tweaks to the bicep and tricep curls, a new way of doing crunches, and its like my body has been kick started! I'm seeing results after only two weeks! Plus 25 minutes at speed on the cross trainer is adding a whole new dimension to the muscles in my legs.

Just as well really, cos my newly found high heel fetish shows no signs of diminishing! After getting the most awesome pair in Brum the other week, yesterday I succumbed to a pair of pale grey patent platform courts at Office that are just amazing! The heel is at least 5" and I tower over most people in them, but I actually wore them onstage last night and didn't fall once! It's amazing how a pair of fabulous fuck me pumps will make even the plainest of outfits something special. I was only wearing skinny jeans and a t-shirt but I looked fierce! So many wasted years in flatties!

Talking of the stage, this weekend I am gigging at one of my Top Five comedy clubs in the world - The Glee Club in Cardiff - and so far I'm having a terrific time. The line-up is great, Matt Welcome, Stefano Paolini and Trevor Crook (plus on Thursday, new to me comic Tom Craine who was brilliant).

My confidence onstage had taken a bit of a knock recently due to some ill-informed comments, and it had been inhibiting my performances, but last night's show especially confirmed that the best thing for me to be is the best me I can be! I cannot be the comedian other people want or expect me to be and its pointless trying. If I was gonna fake it, I'd become an actor. It's been a pretty horrid few weeks, but I feel I'm out of the black hole now and onwards and upwards and fuck the haters!

Ps on Twitter I now have over 900 followers and I know they read my site and my blog, so I will thank you all here too for following me. If you're reading this and not on Twitter, get on there! I am MissJoJoSmith on there.

Laters folks xxx

Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!

2009-05-21T14:41:00.002+01:00

To The Comedy Store!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I went to their 30th Birthday show and party on Monday night and had a whale of a time!

I genuinely can't remember a night as much fun as this!

Thank you guys xxx

A Very Special Night!

2009-05-13T19:59:00.004+01:00

Sooooooo last night I finally got to go and see The Specials at the Brixton Academy.

This year is shaping up to be the year I see bands/people from my past, first Grace Jones and now Terry Hall and the lads. Adding to that I went with my old mate Andrew Gosling who I'd not seen for years after he gave up comedy for something far more lucrative!

The walk from Brixton tube was fascinating. A selection of punks, a few mods, a lot of skinheads - all of whom were old enough, fat enough and bald enough to know better - had dusted down the threads of their youth and squeezed into em for the night. For the most part they were accompanied by their offspring some of whom looked like they weren't entirely there by choice!

Once we got inside, it was brilliant! The place was heaving, I can't remember the last time I was in such a crowd of people all there for the same reason. It felt like 'above the fire limit' full but that could have something to do with the aforementioned girth of the majority of the gig goers!

The group came on about 9.30 and were just incredible! I was a bit sad that Jerry Dammers had pulled out, but in the end he wasn't really missed. They were so tight and the songs sounded really fresh! It wasn't 'ska-reoke' it was relevant and vibrant and fucking awesome! I even danced!

I was right back there, all those gigs, The Greyhound before they even had a deal when Mick Jagger tried to sign them to Rolling Stones Records, but failed cos he was wearing brown cords! The Lyceum gig at the end of the Two-Tone Tour where I met my future employers, Dexys Midnight Runners, it all came flooding back! I was 18 again and I loved it.

Thanks lads.

Ps Terry Hall is looking very handsome these days, in a dirty kinda way!

Apart From That....

2009-05-11T20:32:00.002+01:00

... I've been doing gigs too!

I've had some fun onstage recently, even if the offstage life has been a bit crummy!

Last weekend I was off to Nottingham on Thursday to do Jongleurs with a fantastic line-up - Markus Birdman, Dave Haddingham and Steve Harris, and me as MC. They weren't the easiest of crowds but I won them over, and at the risk of blowing my own trumpet, I was on cracking form!

Friday saw me at The Funny Side of Covent Garden, and once again I amazed myself with my performance. My confidence had taken a bit of a knock recently, and this was just what I needed! Saturday was less magical but a good 'un nonetheless.

After the show I met up with a bunch of comedy chums, Stephen K Amos just back from Oz, Jason Manford, and a host of fabulous funnymen at the Comedy Store. It was great fun!

Loving Hospital Food!

2009-05-11T20:14:00.002+01:00

I must be!

Since my last blog I've been back to the Welbeck for Mr Stanek to remove this mysterious lump in my boob. He said he would do it under local anasthetic, which after the experience I had with my hand didn't fill me with confidence, of course the difference when you go private is that they give you a lovely injection of vallium so you sleep through the op anyway.

I was having it done privately because the NHS had refused to treat me. I have a long history of lumpy breasts, years ago I had one removed from my right breast, and six years ago the left one had this golf-ball sized abscess which almost ruptured! That time I was treated at St Mary's in Paddington and they drained it with the aid of a needle and ultrasound, but didn't actually remove the pocket where it had developed. At the time I was told it had occurred because I was overweight and I smoked.

When the lump came back last June, I went to my GP and was given anti-biotics for weeks on end. Of course this did nothing, and in the end (my regular doctor who is awesome was on leave) I took myself off to A&E to try and get it treated. I was referred back to the breast specialist I'd seen five years before, and he even remembered me. However he said they wouldn't treat me any further because I'd had a boob job. He said this was the cause of the lump - which by now was incredibly swollen and painful. I reminded him that last time he said it was the fat and the fags and he just shrugged.

I was due to have a second boob lift in January and Mr Stanek said he would take a look at it. Strictly speaking this lump was nothing to do with him, but I told him about the NHS refusing me treatment and blaming the boob job and he agreed to take it on, bless him. I should add he has not charged me for either the second lift or any of the exploratory work on the cyst/lump.

To cut a dreary and rather gruesome story short, it was drained again but didn't ever heal, and now there was an opening for the "stuff" to come out, come out it did!

So there I was two weeks ago having a tunnel dug into my breast and apparently two cysts removed! The tunnel is packed with an anti-biotic tape to help it heal from within, and this is what's happening.

At least I hope so!

Due To ....

2009-05-03T11:27:00.002+01:00

.... a variety of circumstances beyond my control, I've had to withdraw from the Action Aid Himalaya trek this October... luckily no-one had pledged any money so there's not an issue there. I'll consider my deposit a donation and hopefully one of these days life won't get in the way of my goals!

Catching Up...

2009-04-26T10:13:00.002+01:00

So I managed to blog about my sore hand but didn't mention my gigs last weekend which were really good fun. I was in Portsmouth, doing Jongleurs at Gunwharf Quays, on the bill with fabulous people like Christian Reilly, Adam Crow and Tom Stade (Friday) and Sean Collins (Saturday). We all had a great time as you would expect from such strong acts. I also spent Saturday afternoon down there checking out the 'bargains'.

In my experience, these outlet places rarely offer the deals we hope they will, but I actually did get a result last Saturday. I got a pair of SuperDry jeans for £22! Its amazing, but when you are a 'normal' size there are deals to be had all over the place.

With that in mind on Monday I joined a gym not too far from where I live. The credit crunch has had a very positive effect on these places. I got a brilliant membership that gives me damn near 24hr access to classes, a pool and the very well equipped gym for £48 a month. That's £2 less than I was paying six years ago for an off-peak Mon-Fri membership at my previous gym.

I had been working out at home, and it was good, but I'd started to get bored with the weights, crunches, squats etc., plus I need to step up the cardio side of things. I know I could have just walked or run anywhere really fast for an hour, but there's something a bit more comforting about getting sweaty in a room full of other sweaty people. Its more seemly somehow.

Then of course on Tuesday I cut my bloomin' hand open which kinda scuppered plans for the induction on Thursday. I did however still go down there and do an hour's cardio - don't need your hands for the treadmill, right? It felt amazing! So amazing that I went back on Friday and did it again. Apart from the health benefits, going to the gym three times a week will keep me outta the shops which is definitely a good thing!

Friday and Saturday I was MC'ing at Bow Jongleurs. I shoulda been in Southampton, but with the hand and all, I couldn't drag/carry a case, so they very kindly moved me closer to home.

Friday night's show was fantastic. The audience were a bit sluggish at first but I worked my ass off and got em in the right mood for a terrific night of comedy from Sean Meo, Paul Thorne and Adam Bloom. Saturday they were anything but sluggish! A packed house, about seven or eight large stag parties, half of Columbia's national product shared between them, and an ocean of booze consumed before the show even started.

I was less a comedian, more a lion tamer/school teacher. I got em sitting down and facing the right way, then got Sean Meo on who didn't hesitate to show them who was boss. Next up was Rob Deering. I really rate Rob but in a pissing contest with a room full of "geezers" he's gonna find it tough, and he did. They just didn't give him a chance. Afterwards of course people were coming up and saying how much they enjoyed him. Sod's law innit? Paul Thorne closed the show, and like Sean, his years of experience showed as he hit the ground running and took control. I would've liked an opportunity to tell a few more jokes, but people were laughing and I think they had a good night. Sometimes its not about us.

The spring heatwave seems to be holding, so I am off out to do yoga and cardio... I remember the days when a Sunday was spent trying to remember the bloke next to me in bed's name and mainlining Resolve! I've changed!

Ouch!!!!!

2009-04-22T12:55:00.002+01:00

Sooooooooo yesterday morning I had another brilliant yoga class with the hardcore teacher, followed by a lovely coffee in the park cafe. So far so good.

I was going out in the afternoon to see some friends, so decided to change. I opened my wardrobe door to get a pair of shoes out, and boom! Half of the glass doorknob was on the floor and the curve of my thumb was squirting blood! Yikes. I was in a state of undress so wrapped some toilet roll round it while I put some clothes on. The blood soon soaked through so that the clothes I put on soon resembled a butcher's apron! I rang a cab and grabbed a clean teatowel and wrapped that round, but minutes later that too was covered in blood, and I was feeling very faint. Called an ambulance and cancelled the cab - figured the driver would refuse to take me what with all the blood and all.

Two lovely paramedics turned up and did their assessment thing, then took me to St Mary's Hospital. I didn't actually faint but must've lost a ton of blood as it was still squirting out! Got seen by an odd doctor, who on hearing I was a comedian decided he would cheer me up by telling me a rape 'joke' before causing me the most intense pain ever by injecting the local anaestheic into the cut. I haven't screamed like that in a long time!

All stitched up, I finally got out about 5.30, the blood still coming. Came home laden with a selection of dressings, painkillers and latex gloves so that I could shower etc.

Just goes to show, you never know what the day has in store for you!

Pablo is God!

2009-04-15T17:58:00.002+01:00

Since I started my little art journey a few years ago, I've seen a fair bit of Picasso's work. In Barcelona at the Picasso Museum I was impressed by the ceramics - they didn't have much else there when I went. Guernica blew my mind when I saw it in Madrid, and I would've happily said I was an admirer of his talent.

Today however my admiration went to a whole new level. The National Gallery has an exhibition called Challenging the Past and its one of the best exhibitions I've seen in a looooooong time, and head and shoulders above any Picasso show I've ever seen. Some of the pieces are so awesome I actually did get a bit teary at their beauty! Course it could be my hormones!

Go and see for yourself its on till 7 June.